perception is becoming a blur

[salvator here]

So...

False alarm ... turns out is was a case of smudges on my glasses. So I picked up some heavy duty glasses wipes at the local Hubba Hubba market discount store and - Boomshakalaka - problem solved and no more blurry vision. Just in case I made a emergency appointment appointment with this dude to get the eyes checked.
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/42/65/61/426561c9d33e592ba1c60ee71d6d5eb3.jpg

Ponder, we were getting too deep anyway and would just confuse others. I think I get it and I'm OK with it.

So, I'm going to bring this back to a thread for me about perception of reality during this time and just getting through and hopefully things will clear up for me soon. I put this in the agoraphobia forum as this is the issue at hand. Oh please, life is so messy and blurry and if I'm feeling it or going through it, it IS real to me and I'll just have so go with it and not fight it; as you said my friend.

K ... Wed 24th already. Admittedly, I've lost some days in between with no memory whatsoever. Started marking the calendar so I don't get shocked when I turn on the computers and think the date is wrong.

Ugh .. but must get started today and just exist in my own bubble where thing do still make some sense.

[Ponder]

I'd like to think I understand Sal. I'll be here when you get back

[salvator here]

Ugh .. made it through one holiday - one down two more to go (x-mas and nye). I feel awful and the sadness manifested into nausea and weakness.

But I'm here, about all I can say.

Watched the thanksgiving day parade ... hurl ... glad I'm removed from society actually. I don't know.

[Ponder]

'hurl' - Love the expression. I must remember that one. Is all good. We can start our own cult but we just make sure we don't call it a group. So glad your here. Just pretend the seasons does not exist. "Xmas! What on earth is Xmas??? I've never heard of such a thing. I'll have plastic bad to go with that please. TY!"

EDIT: Just read above (lol) and I am right behind you with whatever direction you want to take. Understand well. I'm also trying to keep on track and make healthy decisions Good Call Sal. Thank you.

[salvator here]

The blur has turned to complete haze, however, that is usual for this time of year, so I'm not totally shocked.

Going to write in the morning.

Sort of thinking about sending Nicola a nice PM at the other place and ask for (yet another) username change (that would be the 2nd time), but I partly feel like why. Maybe, we'll see, I do miss it somewhat and there is no other place I would fit in anyway.

Just going to carry on here for the remainder of this month. Please don't feel as if I'm expecting anything, honestly, there isn't much anybody could say anyway. Just whatever right now. I don't know. Wherever you go - there you are.

[salvator here]

ON a side note: I"m REALLY enjoying Emmabuntüs :D

[Ponder]

Is Emmabuntüs a Linux distro your talking about? I hear Linux is getting easier with easier passing year.

Hey Sal - I pass the below link on ... Just found it after your saying 'Wherever you go - there you are.'
TRUST (http://Wherever you go - there you are.) We nay find it hard to trust this world and most of that which is in it ... but we can do things to instill a sense of trust in ourselves and those others we wish to close to. In that I will always try to be around.

Back to you :)

[salvator here]

Like ... OMG ... I'm truly feeling this


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZOm0-kKZ-o

[salvator here]

Well .. somebody is coming by today and I'm expected to go to the village to see my fish friends and hopefully Starbucks :)

I've not been outside in quite some time but I agreed to it. I feel very award in public around people now and very shaky. I'm finding people scary and I don't trust anybody at all now.

[salvator here]

Going now .... will report back later.

Take care everyone :)

[Ponder]

I hear those tunes - beautiful ambiances. I love ambiance best of all. No telling, no story, just mind melting vibes. Love it! Great find!

I also hear you re people. Thanks for sharing that Sal.

I hope your beverage was made well. ;)

[salvator here]

Totally mixed up today. Woke up disoriented and they are doing some work outside and its stressing me out. I'm not sure, but likely the guys are either blowing leaves around with those devices that grind or perhaps some street work. I'm thinking I should just go out and see for myself. I know it bothers others up here because the lady down the hall was wondering around and usually I try to calm her but today I just don't have the strength. I'm just staying quiet in here. I talk to my therapist today and we are going forward with my case, but I'll have to show up in court and I cant imagine doing such in this shape and she knows I'm not doing very well right now. I really feel as if they got their hands on me again and I wound up hospitalized, they'd send me away and I'd never come back - that almost happened a few times to me and they felt I couldn't live on my own.

Truthfully , I'm a nervous wreck

Just read your posting, Ponder, I'm glad if anything I say helps others. Sometimes I make some sense. Yeah, some beverages are sugar and food coloring.

[salvator here]

Well it got better as the day progressed. I did wind up going outside to check and it was indeed the staff doing the leaves and the big machine was making the most noise. Luckily they did stop. I rem embed that when that happened in the past, I used to drink myself into oblivion to cope. Something was bad here though but the hell with it. I know I'm screwed up but there is just this anger and people cant hide it ... not from me, anyway. I'm too intuitive; sometimes too much for my own good.

Here i go again with typing and deleting over and over ;)

so much to say, but can't quite explain myself so maybe later, otherwise, I'll just chalk it up as a strange day in a strange world full of strange beings. I'm strange but not cunning and childish mind games. Haa ...oh well.

[salvator here]

Must find a good movie for tonight and tomorrow I'm supposed to go to a music store.

[Ponder]

Glad things settled down Sal. Those mulchers that chop up trees are sure loud. Does my head in ... I know that for sure. Space X might not get off the ground with its Mars rocket because of capacity for killing small animals up to kilometers away. Personally I do hope they get off the ground. But yea ... noise can be so disruptive and mulchers are up the top for me. This world is too noisy point blank.

Hope you find a good movie?

[Ponder]

Your onto something about the anger - in all of us. Different levels to be sure, but for us Sal it does not have to be much for us to either see it, feel it, reflect it and worse yet sometimes feed of it. In situations like this I beleive avoidance is good. Mind you, you could call whatever strategy something else. Graduated exposure into toxic environments is never good. Therefore with respect to essential interactions and publics ventures such as shopping, I prefer to think of graduated exposure more as 'damage control.' First things first guys like us need to set up a control point like an army HQ on a battle scene.

There we lay out all the variables, possible land mines, retreat options, time of year, week, day and so forth. Get a lay of the land and the type of beings passing through. Wait for it - WAIT FOR IT - Boom!!! Out the door we fly onto whatever mod of transport ... call in an air taxi or whatever it takes ... get in and get out as quick as possible ... but not humanly possible because that where is all the shit starts. We are better off staying aliens to be sure.

[Kirk]

Happy new year to all.