How's everyone doing?

[Ponder]

I've been up and down. Making the most of things I guess. I've been flogging myself and taking my time preparing soil in the yard to lay some grass in about a weeks time. Watching some Youtube but have to be careful I don't get sucked down a hole doing that. However I find less toxic than watching main stream TV - especially the news. I went to the beach a couple of times with my grandson and rolled around like an old walrus. Tough job that one. Each day is a grind but all good. The potted garden I started since moving in is doing pretty good. I can't wait till the weather cools down.

So

How is everyone else doing? What's happening other than the virus and politics?

[Kirk]

I guess I am doing OK. Just working as per usual. I like to work as it keeps me occupied. I have said this before, but I have had health anxiety off and on for many years and that bothers me at times. I try to do the best I can.

[salvator here]

Same here my friend...been up and down, as well. I think I've been really confused lately.

I've been avoiding the news here - its off the wall nuts. Making the best of youtube, netflix and vudu (free streaming movies/tv with commercials)
Good you're getting out with your grandson.

Ok..

Do you know why the Walrus crossed the road?

Just for the 'halibut' [hell of it]. That was soo stupid; I know :D

[salvator here]

Somewhat stable, I guess, considering I only slept for about 4 hours. Today I should get out for a short walk after I speak to my therapist - a bit cold today - 34°. Lovely New England weather though :)

[salvator here]

Had my visit with therapist. We did discuss my health conditions, and I did express my struggle and she does want to help me process everything that is going on. She said its not an easy process for anybody; so that helped to hear that. I mustn't give up - I'm just putting that 'out there' - its too easy (for me) to give up.

Ok.. I"m still sitting here in sweats - time to get up and get going to do something and go for that walk. You're right, Kirk, staying occupied is good.

Ponder (and everyone) - Wishing you peace and serenity.

[Ponder]

The way you use this forum is inspiring Sal. :)

[salvator here]

Good Morning, AF..

37° partly cloudy today. Was a little too cold and I didn't get to go to the village as I'd hoped. I ended up with a golden ginger from starbucks though. Honestly, I hit a few lows over the weekend. Struggled a bit to stay grounded, but I did my best to go with it (so to speak) . Does no good to fight it, waste of precious energy. I don't know, my therapist says I need to reshape the past, because I look back at it and sort of go ... WTF happened. I'll admit it, today I was ready for bed as soon as I woke up. I can't. So much on my plate and sometimes the fight just isn't there. Already dodging phone calls. Everything seems daunting. Don't know. Feel weakened. Some flashbacks. Nightmares.

I'm Sorry guys..

I truly hope everyone is doing better than I am today.

[Ponder]

Nothing to be sorry for Sal. Is what it is and none of us can blame another for whatever. Of course we live in a world where many do. No matter. We are not about that here. Just wanted to let you know I am feeling things right along with ya ... I have been struggling since I decided to take a break with a massive illness. Low grade fever, hot and cold sweats, major migraines, stiff body, cramps, nausea, fatigued, insomnia ... still suffering it Unfortanley. Currently developed a dry itching throat with pretty much the rest still present.

Somehow we will get through this. I regret I do not have any better news.

Here's to getting through tonight and into the next morning. Seems this is going to be a full week long illness for me.

I will add - I think this has been brought on with me resisting everything. Your right on when you say "...Does no good to fight it, waste of precious energy..." I am certain this is what triggered my latest illness.

[Ponder]

Went for CV test today. Talk about no bedside manner. The tester I got was as rough as guts and failed to communicate to me the procedure. I later rang a patient liaison officer who helped to stem the rising cortisol levels. lol arrrr & Sigh.

My wife also told me she had a bad experience. She thinks the testers are just over it all.

Excuse the rant - I make it short:


OH THE PAIN
https://i.ibb.co/J7njbYX/Horrible-Speedy-Beetle-max-1mb.gif

Good news is I tested Negative. My supports will be pleased to here as they also work in other peoples homes. I doubt after today's experience I will be so eager to do it again. Adding to that I regret that I have a much sorer throat now; than before. Personally I don't like the exploitation re CV and many resulting laws since made. The media and that side of it is more toxic imo ... the response and all that. That said, when in doubt what do you do. I just fell in line and I will most likely do it for the vaccines when it comes to my turn. New laws will be made to stop welfare benefits, child minding, school attendance, health care down to criminal charges possibly being laid. This is what it is like in Australia re the Child Vaccines. Once again I care less to throw a vote in either way. It's more the response that puts me off.

I know one thing though ... If I keep reacting like the good old doctor above (original Lost in Space) ← wife foretells I will either succumb to a brain tumor or aneurism. She is probably not half wrong. It's sad to say given the lack of dignity in todays world I really could care less; until such a point it happens? Or not?

Here's to a more optimistic outlook in the coming days as my painful symptoms subside.

Looking forward to getting the ingrown toe nail fixed on the 2nd of Feb. Thanks for listening https://i.ibb.co/hRsQDk7/Doctor-Icon.gif

[salvator here]

Thanks you, Ponder. Yeah, stress and resistance is a recipe for sickness for sure. Its hard to explain ... how to 'go with the grain' but still be a 'nonconformist', I struggle with that. I Pretty much stayed in bed all day yesterday and I feel very weakened both physically and mentally as a result. I'm going to get out today for fresh air if it kills me.. Ha :) It snowed last night and it's really pretty out there - must avoid the yellow snow :p

Hope you feel better soon and glad you tested negative.

[Ponder]

Lol Sal. I really needed that. Man I wish I could say so much with as little words.

Wishing you the best with the fresh air. Its raining here which makes the air even better ....given we are not smogged out just yet. I have no excuse. So I will try too.

Sorry to report still quite drained and stiff. Working on it. :) Ty for the boost.

[salvator here]

Laughter is good.. we need it sometimes. Truthfully, this week was a bust and I didn't accomplish much - was also drained - procrastinating isn't going to help me, but oh well. Not the first time and won't be the last.

Anyways..

Its 8° (fees like 10 below with the wind chill) this morning. Likely the politicians will have their hands in their own pockets for a change :D So I expect to just stay warm in my igloo today for the most part.

I hope everyone has a great weekend :)

TC

~Sal

[Ponder]

Will do Sal. Feely slightly better. ;)

[Ponder]

Went for an evening walk and managed to get some yard work done. I am breathing easier tonight.

Here's to a good evening and day for all.

[Kirk]

Snowing here in Baltimore today. They are predicting 4-6 inches, which is no big deal. People here in Baltimore panic. The lines at Trader Joe's yesterday were laughable. I have a 4 wheel drive pick up truck, so the snow is no big deal to me anyway. I am at work as per usual. It may sound stupid, but I like to work and it is sort of therapeutic to me. Hope everyone is good. Sal, I hope you feel better and Ponder, I am glad to hear you are doing good. Lost in Space was and is still one of my favorite shows. I met Angela Cartwright (Penny) a few years ago at a Nostalgia show in Hunt Valley, Maryland and she was pretty friendly.

[Ponder]

Glad your sounding OK Kirk. I responded re lost in space in another thread. Good topic though.
I'm much better now myself.

Take care.
~ Dave.

[Dahila]

ooooooooo you keeping it alive, I am still in overwhelming sundness , In two days it would be my brother birthday, eh

[Ponder]

Yes forum still here D. There is a few well wishes in the old timers thread as well. We have missed you very much. Understand how deep the sadness runs. I still pine for my brother at different times. How is the rest of family holding up?

[salvator here]

Thank you, Kirk, I'm doing better.

Wishing you strength to get through the next few days, Dahila. You'll be in my thoughts.

[salvator here]

I'm doing ok today, was up at the crack of dawn for some reason, but alright with it.

You're in my thoughts today, D.

[Ponder]

Completed a psyche evaluation. Cognitive one coming up next. I'm kind of in limb. For what I don't know nor do I care. In that I guess I am doing OK too.

[salvator here]

Regrettably, I'm not off to a very good start today, and what a way to begin a new week. Drinking some green tea with jasmine and hope to clear up. Brain Fog City. I'm going to do stretches and a bit of yoga and see. Didn't leave the house since last Thursday .. ugh .. so hard find the energy and drive sometimes. Nevertheless, my mood is okay-ish this morning, so I'll gladly take that :)

Ponder, I have lots to say about the psyche and cognitive evaluation - truthfully, I struggled pretty badly with both (noted cognitive deficits) as I also did with my personality profile evaI (inconclusive results), as well; that said, I was not diagnosed with a personality disorder. I couldn't care less either way though either, those test are more for paperwork purposes anyway. I promise I'll write more later when I feel less like a zombie corpse.

EDIT: Ok, I'm starting to improve :)

[Ponder]

In context with the thread I will just say I am going to make an effort re myself in as far as making a herbal tea goes to start my day. Thus far it might only be two making the most of this online space but I got to say the persistence of one is greatly helping the other. :) Thanks so much for taking the time to write what your able Sal. Trust me when I say every little bit helps on all counts/sides of the fence.

Unfortunately one of the many hard facts I have come to realise in this existence, is that improvement typically involves some form of discomfort. I'll elaborate on that and my new found fear of people in my other thread.

I would love to hear more from yourself re the paper work you refer to. I feel you have touched briefly on it before but that might of been a different branch but more or less all part of the same tree. I find it helps to keep the title of a thread broad but personalize it a little in your own writing so that others get the gist that whilst it's public, it's still a thread with a personal touch. People are so impersonal these days that a personality disorder seems to be the norm. lol. Sigh. Fads, fads and more fads.

I best go write up in my own thread - BUT - so glad you touched base in here to express as you did.

Thanks Sal - I go make my herbal tea before making my morning post. You have made me feel a little better waking up; to yet another day. https://i.ibb.co/sgMMSZf/Mint-tea.gif

[Ponder]

Thanks for touching base Sal - hmmm - perhaps we freaked out some regulars too? arrrr - seriously life is too short. ZZZZZZzzzzzz
I downloaded 'Ford Vs Ferrari' with Christian Bale and Mat Damon. I'll give that one a go. Thanks again for sharing the other one. Much appreciated.

I am doing OK today. :) Tomorrow I want to keep up walking on my treadmill and maybe go out to a quiet park once more with my support worker. If I keep up what is termed as 'graduated exposure' on my own terms, I might just start driving early in the mornings to secluded spots to enjoy walking on my own like I have done so many times before. Not so easy to find those kind of spots.

Thinking of you and the others. Thanks again for your kind words.

[salvator here]

Haaa .. perhaps we did :)

Yeah sometimes a good movie is just what the doctor ordered - better than 'take 2 aspirin and call me in the morning" I'd say!

Doing ok today here as well and decided against tea, and instead, enjoying a Vanilla Bean Creme Brulee light roast coffee while watching Ryan and Kelly discuss very important topics - such as - what type or hair spray the use / makeup secrets / fashionable leggings / valentines chocolate gifts ... now I truly, I don't know what I would do without this vital information Lol :) Slightly amusing nonetheless ;)

That is great you are walking again. I also miss it and will indeed do just that today myself, have to start somewhere. Not just for exercises, I get in touch with my scenes with the universe. I talk to my therapist today and will admit I didn't do my homework, other than better accepting/embracing those moments when I feel as I'm on 'auto pilot' ... she says this is a good thing. She tries and cares and I enjoy our conversations.

Enjoy your day everyone..

~Sal

[salvator here]

Good Morning AF :)

Enjoying a Tasters Choice coffee this morning with artificial sweetener (Naughty Sal - Ha). Perhaps, I'm also mindful of the fact that my dear father would enjoy this particular brand of coffee very much and it is making me feel happy today. If I turn around without over thinking it, I can still see him sitting in my counter stool (with red cushion) as he would pull it out and sit there (his favorite stool he said) when he would come to visit me 2 times a month. And yes, this is fact not fiction, we would discuss everything and anything, but he would love to talk about Al Pacino and Robert De Niro; and I well recall a conversation where I stated .. it doesn't get much better.. to his reply - no it really doesn't :) While his fav was Scarface, my fav of Al's was "The Devils Advocate" (still is). To quote Pacino ... "Freedom, baby, is never having to say you're sorry" :)

I hope everyone reading will have an awesome weekend.

Sincerely,

~Sal

[Kirk]

I remember for the period September 2012 through August 2013, first my mother, then father and then my uncle all passed away. It was a very difficult time. I have a picture on my office wall I found with me , my sister, my daughter and mother and father maybe 30 years ago.

[Ponder]

Hi Kirk. I have always struggled with photos when it comes to past dwellings. Thankfully I can also remember those moments that do more to inspire than anything else. Sal now has me thinking with regards to the sum of life regarding those quotes, as too your poem in Sal's thread.

Glad you got to enjoy your cup of coffee in the spirit you shared so well Sal. I'm sure you'll get to enjoy many more. Is good to savor such moments when enduring reality as we do.

Slowly getting a few things done over the weekend. So far it's going well thank you.

Hope everyone else's is too.