Time To Get Back Up Again

[Ponder]

Very deep - not so simple. Love how it dispells the cliche of Postive Thinking, however there are many programs specifically being made by multi billion dollor indsutries to keep us from self piloting. That's not to take away the importance of owning one's lack of acheivment - The agenda at the end with the selling of preprogrmaed data as a means to the end I find conflicts with the openning message. How I atribute myself and the programs I choose is the major key to whether they work or not. I think many many people miss this link, when thinking all they got to do is purchase or download subliminals/pre programing and JUST listen - is futile. It takes work to rewire the brain, but most of all - DESIRE - for change.

I loved that you linked it D. You know me - just pondering to bits over it is all. I know so many people in my life right now that have all but given up. I've been tethering - but this link despite my filters on where it could go wrong on fresh ears was a good one for me. :) TY!!!

Just getting back out the door without a chest infection would be a good place to start. That bug we all got recently was really nasty. Seems to be more and more people catching new strains these days. Takes weeks to recover from. GOOD NEWS - I complete the build of my new pc. I will link pics another time. I am very please as the one major feature I pulled off with all my researching of parts .. not being just a opwerful PC ... BUT ... also a very QUIET PC. I nailed it!!! Hooray for me.

Rember that scisor switch keyboard I was talking about with the low cut keys like a laptop but you use for a desktop pc? Well ... it works like a charm. : )

I do hope you guys are doing ok? I am going to say I think your in a reasonble space posting the link D. Good call either way. I really need to start making some habbits. Things have really come to an end for me in many ways, and whilst there are always dark roads revealing themselves in every which way, I think it's time to go back to getting some sun. I'll be sure to include my grandson in that.

Think I will call it a night. Compared to the last couple of weeks, it's still early ... which is not healthy at all.

I link a bench test using one of my favoiute games; Cities Skylines. It's one of those games that even high end systems can't push frames per second wise, but I can sun those capped frames much more smoothly now and do it with plenty of mods and no hickups. The whole ultra wide screen is awseome too.

Night guys. Take care.

Only just uploaded - Will take some time for 1080p to kick in; but I am sure it will be there by the time you read this:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDOyT1_cHqM&feature=youtu.be

[salvator here]

Thanks Ponder, I'm hanging in there I guess. It was good to read your posting.

I like this..

"and whilst there are always dark roads revealing themselves in every which way, I think it's time to go back to getting some sun."

True I always say when it rains - it pours - but it won't rain everyday.

Wishing you both well.

[Dahila]

I am here but just reading you guys, Nice to see you both

[Ponder]

Both Lisa and I have been trudging so many battles it's just so draining. Just somehow got to let go of all the shit.

[Dahila]

I know never peace and quiet, we talked yesterday my hubby and I, that we are always helping, Will they help us? When we get old and start to depend on others? I do not think so. My generation is the last that takes care of family

[salvator here]

I don't know what to say really. I realize you are both dealing with a lot (you and your wife) separately. I hope you both are able to find things to distract yourselves to take you mind off illness. Maybe once you get your new computer and running you'll at least have an escape if nothing else. Might be healthy for you.

[Ponder]

Love that avatar Sal. I just had a few cups of tea setting up a little suprise for you guys the next time you pop in. Nothing over the top. Just me saying hi in front of the camera and showing you the results of proably my last ever high end PC build. At least to the degree I was able to go this time around. I also do a little mini workout on my tramp. Christ knows I need to do more of em. : ) ... Truth is, that little tramp is just great to get on for even a mintue. It's so genetle on the joints and the rebound makes the motion so easy and pleasurable. Just enough to keep me going from day to day.

D - is good that your also able to keep checking in from time to time. The enouragment and of course swapping out of misrable stories is very welcomed. : ) It good to have a good right bitch from time to time. I know I enjoy doing my own rants as well as hearing you guys say what is however is needed. I think I will just leave the rest of the details unfold in the vid. No scripting and I appolgise if the image goes out of focus and or for other anying things. I do ware a mic so that when I walk away from the camera ... the audio is all around the same level.

OK ... I let the render finish, upload and then link. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz I have been having a lot of late nights, but since the excitment of this build is near it's end with just the residiaul effects with all the loading up of software ... well ... I think it's time to start getting a LOT more graduated sunshine via shaded reserves and whatnot. Another reason I think I do more vids to get myself motivated.

You guys take care hey. It might sound a bit sappy, but you guys do rate as real friends.

Night Guys ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5xb4EbGHdk&feature=youtu.be

[Dahila]

wowwwwwwwwwwwwww water cooler so cool beautiful comp ;)

[salvator here]

I didn't know that either, wouldn't guess water and a computer mixed hehehe. What an amazing setup that is, must be blazing fast.

Thanks for mentioning me in the vid and I will hang in there. I'm here to stay on the forum even if I don't post every day. I won't allow so much time to go by this time.

The avatar.. I'm a teetotaler for life - has to be this way.

[Dahila]

the technology went on a few years ago, actually I think about 7, My friend from England build the computer with water cooling which was extremely expensive, It was crazy expensive
When I think about it my first was 30 giga HDD and it was a good computer with windows XP. Was formatted like 25 times, My son did not want to show me how to move around computer, He said try it, then learn it, Actually he was right , I learned how to find information about system how to do what I wanted, Today I spend some time to look for the options but I do know how to get there and do whatever my heart desire, The computer Ponder is building is like a dream . Wow that baby will be so fast and precise
will you still post or you are going to fell into computer abyss Mr. Ponder.

[Ponder]

Thx for the kind words. Yw Sal. Just happy to see you again. Yes D, you have helped me times before with finding downloads. :)

Just a quick note. I am hiding under Gazebo at social gathering.

https://i.ibb.co/KxKXBkD/20190716-112116.jpg

Truth is, looking forward to getting back on my com. : )

Still got nasty cough

[Ponder]

Anohter place you guys might catch me from time to time :)
https://www.twitch.tv/l_plate_dave
No big deal ... just use the twich chat and If I see you on ... I can reply over the mic whilst plaing my games. Be sure to pop in and say hi. Just like here ... it's nice and quiet :)

[Ponder]

does not always go so well ... My bad. Probably a bit premature advertising that link. I'll get there.

Hope this finds you guys well.

[Dahila]

So you playing now? Good good,

[Ponder]

Hey there D - It's all ben a bit of a rush. I have a better idea this morning how to go about things so we can just make it another place we can meet. I'll put in my twitch profile soon enough about my intended gaming times. It will actaully be good to have a routine so I can plan my life around other things. I got the settings down a little more and would like your feedback another time when it better suits you and or we are able to hook up. Basically I just have to set up the chat box where I can see it, where I will just cassually respond on the mic. I hope that is ok ... You kind of already see my odd youtube videos ... it's just a little more on the spot is all. I figure we know eachother well enough. I won't be using a cam or anything.

I've also decided to just chill out more with a Cities Skulines Let's Play scenario. Star Citizen is way to buggy and it would not be good for me to project my negitive side being frustrated with gameplay that's constantly dropping me out. No good for anyone.

Like I say it's just another way to comminucate. No big plans to act like a goose in order to get likes and subs. That will never happen as far as I am concearned. Is what it is. Just another fun opputunity for some of us online friends to meet up.

Just have to work out my times and note them so your able to work out if your able of not to join in. I leave that to work out later.

Anyways ... I got to clean up the kitchen some.

Catch up later. :)

[Dahila]

I will see but you know it turns me off to make another registration , another site, I am unblocked on Frigging fb but do not go there often, I am terrified about Saturday,; they call for 33 C and humdex of 47 C. I building is shade but it is going to be at least 30. I react to extreme heat with muscle spasms. Keep your fingers crossed if you do not see me for ie 4 days it mean I am not well . I should live on North with cold temps. Well I got a few cool ingredients and working on perfect shampoo for sensitive skin and normal to dry hair, Then another project; deodorant I mean to improve mine, so it has a little bit of glide, It is very popular cause it has all 100% natural ingredients, does not contain baking soda, does not stain clothes and work 24 hours. I have people who drive 50 km to get few of them. Most of them construction workers and nurses
I already have few small ones for testing . it is so hot that staying in my very cool workshop is a relieve :)

[Ponder]

OH - I understand that is extremely HOT for your acllimation in your part of the world. I will be thinking of you. I must admit I absoultely hate the heat this day and age! I will indeed keep my fingers crossed.

YES - I can see the attraction of a chemical free deodorant. I would be onbaord for that. Glad you have a safe haven from the heat. Enjoy it while you can. :) Another reason to stay inside. lol
____________________________________

Re another site another registration. I am sorry. But I do have to say, speaking of safe havens - it's good to finally have an option I can make my own. It might at first seem random - but If I do indeed bed down in my own little twitch space ... you'll catch me on from time to time. Late nights will be certain and some days will be locked in. No doubt you'll see a wall of text in my profil on such a timetable once I get time to iorn all that out. In the mean time it will be hit and miss.
________

Once again Thinking of you and Sal.

Take Care ... thanks for keeping me in the loop. All the best with your new product!!! .... and keeping cool.

[salvator here]

Thank you Ponder means a lot.

[Ponder]

:) ... YW - This guy had me in stitches once he got to the Jesus stuff:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUNFK8ci8hw

[Ponder]

Unsettling dream last night. All of a sudden It dawned upon me that my wife was gone. Slowly an image of a coffin came into being. More touching was how my grandson was missing her and I found myself in a predicament where I was asking my wife's ghost, if I should open her coffin or not to show the little one that Nan was gone for good? I struggled with what we might both see. The details and emotion was quite real. It seemed to be full on about loss and how I would handle grieving that with my grandson.

My summery likens that loss to a daughter who acts like she is dead to us, yet still lives while we pick up the pieces but seemingly remain powerless over that ongoing pain and loss. I obviously feel very deeply for my grandson (just as I do for my daughter :( ) as he heads of reluctantly and confused for a visit with his dad, whilst he grieving similar to me. If his autism is not enough - but to live life like so at only 5 years of age. I hold out for him as I know as long as we keep being there for him, he will come out the other side with still the urge to breathe. It is worrying though, how the system is so quick to ignore my wife's and I position in all this. The powers on the front lines quick to use us, but when lined by 4 walls, a grey wig and society's Almighty hammer - the only thing that then matters is authority.

I will always hate society!!!
___________________________________________

OK - Back into my games. This morning I sand box a proposed layout for cities skylines as I have been struggling in normal mode. I'll take that working layout and hook it up via my laptop on another monitor for reference whilst I later begin the task of creating it in normal mode on the new PC. Something like that.

[Ponder]

Had a good day. Got of few things done off the computer, and had some solid but fun game play. Miss the little fella, but he is back tommorow. Hope to help him unwind and decompress from his visit. Hopefully his Dad is making more of an effort to accept the lad for who is. Sadly he does not acknowedge the boys difficulties. That said, I think the older he gets, the more embarresed the father will get, and the more negitive the father's responses will be. Last time my grandson went without food, because food is somthing his father uses to punish his kids. You either eat what he gives or you eat nothing. That my friends is a form of abuse. Espiecally with ASD kids known to struggle with selective eating. Is very hard to remain optimistic for the little one in order not to project all one's griefe. He hugged me so hard and long this morning before leaving, whilst I did my best to instill optimisim. Yet my wife and I let the little fella he can tell us anything he needs to re discofort as well. On that, he just says his dad is angry and mean. I know what being like that is, but I never be that way with my kids. Maybe for briefe moments when tbey ate adults and care only about themselve, but NEVER when they were little defensless kids. Patents today ignore thier kids and defend the right to beat them. Nothinh but abusers those kind be. You can easily pick them. Even the one's that try and hide it. Militant, relgious, idealistic and politcally minded types. In that I know well anger and meaness. It spreads like wildfire spawn fron such evil types.

Soon. Soon he will be six. We will see hin through six more years and he will then be old enough for welfare to no longer send hin into a place he deems unfit. At least in that we now know how to educate the kids of abuse and how build a case against said abusers.

You hit your kids? You starve them too? I would not doubt it. The world is full of abusers. Trouble is, the system is as much to blame. Those of us that are left affected no well the BS on both sides of the fense. Alas ... is best to just pick up the peices from those that let you assist ... BUT ... never give up by allow abusers to carry on unmarked. You know patents that yell, smack, beat and starve tbier kids ... call them out. I do it in public any time I see parents standing over thier kids.

Even the well to do wannabes, that hold down 3 to 4 jobs ... just throw them a stare when you see them all disjointed because thier kids are too much work. Fucking selfish society ... the best dressed topping the most self centered. Passive agressive types that abuse in acctable ways. Pffft.

Sigh ... time to meditate.
Namista or however the fuck you say it.
Love light and what the fuck ever.
Just let that shit go!
Sigh.
Night night ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Dahila]

eh............. I am barely alive, I think I am suffering with dehydration and maybe slight heat stroke,; Dizziness, blurry sight, what is the worst I had very little sales, just to cover the rent eh hell

[Ponder]

Yea. I am really sorry we live in a society that makes people pay for a roof over their head + food and water to drink. Especially when ' they ' consider themselves so modern, so advanced. Of course if you own all those things it's easy to care less.

I just remind myself we are spoiled so bad that we have more to worry about, than our food and rent. Or I get to that stage I give up and care less about my nutrition and hydration levels.

Eh.

:)

[Dahila]

If I do not pay the rent for booth on market I have no means of selling anything. I do not collect any money, I am on my own with meds , bills and sales . No one helps me with it, So I do have to have a booth Today I am a bit better just sore all over. I think the heat is coming out of my pores..........hehe

[Ponder]

I'd rather live in the gutter with my grandson if it meant I would not loose him. Living in fear is not living, just as working for share survival is not earning a living. Earn Or Learn! I say GO FUCK YOURSELVES!!!

I am also alone and dependant on society. Life sucks. Eh. Like you said. Soon we will be dead. Right now I feel for my grandsons loss.

Glad your feeling better.

[Ponder]

Time for me to take a break from here. Wish you guys well.

[Dahila]

Had i triggered you somehow D? I am waiting for September when I will able to collect my pension, so I hope it will be easier for me with drug coverage. I can not use assistance cause my partner owns the home. He would be forced to sell it first , us to move to apartment when the money runs out , I could apply for assistance, The true is I would be dead by this time........I m not surprised you fight for your small one. I would too to the last breath, We are grandparents and it is probably the most beautiful experience of life. I would do everything for my granddaughter, absolutely everything........ that love is overwhelming. I had never loved my children in such way. Completely different feeling :) Take a break , play a bit on the monster of computer, then when recharged, come back please. Till next time

[salvator here]

Yeah I thought I had triggered you also with my dealings, we are sensitive people so I think its expected, it shows we truly care about others. Shows empathy.

Enjoy your break :)

[Ponder]

No - Just Society and the affects close to home. I wish you nothing but the best. TY Sal. Again - No - not you guys, although at times it can't be helped as no two individuals can possibly have the same world view - and perhaps in that ... there can be inadvertent triggers we may not to ascribe too. In that perhaps yes and no.

I watched the following at group today. I thought it was good:

The end topic on Suicide was confronting. I ponder more about the number of us out there that live with the pain because death is simply too hard. More meaning that whilst people may be quick to say the numbers are low, take that number and mutliply by a factor of 100 ... and then I think you got a good number that reflects closer to the epidemic of depression.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mugOzr6ItFk

[Dahila]

So many people close to me committed suicide, the number is unbelievable. I feel like I am a magnet for people with suicidal thoughts. Of course I just lately stopped having them ........... Actually I know one person who does not have depression or anxiety

[Ponder]

Video Update - Hold out guys - Hope is on the Horizon!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6XPRZs27qs&feature=youtu.be

[Ponder]

Part 1 & 2 of a Late Night Ramble. I go into a Mental Health Chat Room - Show you the City I have been building and then dive into a Ramble of where I am at of late ... more about me ... no big deal.

The Other Side of The Coin. No Subs, Likes or even comments required. Just saying hi to like minded people and totally understand the need for space, peace of mind and all that Jazz. This is just how I am rolling of late.

I got some serious family issues going on - But we are dealing with them ... I'm just looking for a break in the clouds re the balancing act with both physical and mental. I'll get there - already am with simply making these vids.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcyoGZeijjs

PART 2 Here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-Lky1YUKDQ)

Night Guys --- I mean morning. ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Ponder]

No big deal - Just letting ya know I am live for a bit playing my Game before heading off doing ' other' things.

Warning - 80's music playing. lol

Take Care.

www.twitch.tv/l_plate_dave

[Ponder]

Do you still enjoy the markets D? Making your products and all that? I made up a good mix of oat milk the other day. :)

[Dahila]

It is too hot for me to enjoy, My time is always on winter, fall and early spring. I enjoy experimenting in workshop, the products stable products I just make , it is a routine, I can not add more products cause I am going to run off the space I got 63 square feet and I thought is it a lot , not anymore

[Ponder]

Yes ... of course. I rember now u saying before. I suffer in the heat as well. I am pleased your still enjoying the process in the comfort of your home. Thinking of you.

You too Sal. :) be well guys.

[Dahila]

Ponder please, do not be a stranger, even short very short post will do it :)

[Ponder]

I am here. Jumping on my mini tramp in the morning sun has been good. Replaced my walking for now as I do in backyard. Back into my morning groups tommorow morning.

Yes I have been ejoying my computer very much. My daughter catches up with me on my gaming streams now.

Things looking better family wise.

Found a Netflix Series called 'Another Life'

Not much else to report.

Hope your all doing OK.

Źzzzzzzzzzz

[MainerMikeBrown]

Hi everyone!

Sundays are usually my do nothing days. And today is Sunday.

I'm feeling a little sleepy right now for some reason, even though I slept well last night and have slept well for a long time. Go figure.

Hope everyone is well, or at least I hope everybody is hanging in there.

[salvator here]

Nice to see everyone here. Not a bad Sunday, might just enjoy the quiet, no big plans.

[Dahila]

On Sundays I rest after awfully hot day on markets, They call for next Saturday 22 C so it is a good thing, Maybe i start to enjoy it back, Nice to see you gents too :)

[MainerMikeBrown]

Right after my last post on this thread this morning, I woke up.

It's better than being sleepy all day.

[Ponder]

I just took a pill to assist with making me sleepy. :) Had a good nights rest after the last one, so figured I would try it again.

Yes - Good to see you guys checking in.

Getting to bed before 1 am now ... pretty much 11 pm the last couple of nights. I think I am heading in the right direction.

I don't intend to take medication every night, BUT, I have to admit it does help me get a much better nights sleep and I feel better for it the next day. I still advocate active living with outdoor exposure and healthy choices yadda yadda and perhaps bla bla ... lol

I have enjoyed very much not giving a fuck if you don't mind me saying so.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Once again - nice to see guys still posting on the forum.

Be well.

[Dahila]

I do not mind yours not giving fuck, not at all , I do not give fuck either, Whatever..........:)

[MainerMikeBrown]

I spent several hours today at a local library just reading magazines and listening to music on the internet.

It was good. But now my day is almost over already.

As I get older, life is going by so quickly for me. It seems like just a blink of an eye ago, my day today had just started.

Frustrating.

[Dahila]

yeah Mike I think Earth is moving faster, My days are gone in a blink of an eye too. Too fast

[salvator here]

Understand, Ponder, poor sleep the night before makes for a rough day. My sleep is all over the place. 11 PM is great time to go to bed. I have a hard time shutting down.

[Dahila]

I go at 9:30 and read till I am sleepy which usually is at 11 pm

[MainerMikeBrown]

I actually go to bed at 9:00 pm just about every night, which I know is quite early for an adult.

[Dahila]

I actually go to bed at 9:00 pm just about every night, which I know is quite early for an adult.

I do not think so Mike, If it takes you two hours to fell asleep it is not to early

[Ponder]

I think thats a healthy time Mike. When I am on track, I too am a 9pm person. My wife gies to bed at 6pm and asleep by 9pm.

Glad you understand me Sal. I hope to return to a routine of in bed by 9pm and asleep by 10. :)

Also pleased D does not give a fuck. Lol ... regardless of bed time, that has been working for me on various levels. Thankfully, hygine is OK. :)

[MainerMikeBrown]

It used to take me two hours or so to get to sleep after going to bed. But that was years ago.

Now it only takes me around a half hour to get to sleep after my head hits the pillow.

Why?

Because of the psychiatric medication that I've been taking for many years.

[Dahila]

Heheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Ponder. Oh I am trying to quit completely the sleeping pills , I am on them for years. I suffer with insomnia for my whole life , I remember as a child in elementary school; everyone was sleeping and I was constantly turning and turning unable to fell asleep

[Ponder]

Yes - I am learning it comes down to the lessor of two evils - although that's just a metaphor and don't recommend seeing everything as evil. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/yellow-hd/mean-devil-smiley-emoticon.gif

Kudos to anyone that can iron out there sleeping patterns with sleep hygiene. Sleep hygiene research is a huge topic but can be quite effective when approached with a strong desire to nail their sleeping patterns. I'm still kind of in the (can't give a fuck mode) BUT ... finding that more I complete basic tasks that make me feel less stressed, my desire on all levles of hygiene is starting to come back.

_____________________________

If you have nothing to do ... here is a video of me just responding to people in the steam discussions as I am rarely able to be understood in those places. I link only in here for those who may or may not be stalking me on my twitch channel. hahhhahahaa

Just steaming randomly ... Off Mic during the day out of respect for my wife's space (streaming from living room) however I do ramble on and on during the evenings whilst making sense out of this game. I know much of what I talk about in this video will not make sense ... but like I say ... it's one for my lone stalkers. :) Whoever you are ... I appreciate having you along for the ride. It's going to be an AWESOME City/Region when it's completed.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_mhccW_EIQ

[Ponder]

In bed now. I win. :)

[Ponder]

Of course I am still on my phone. Zzzzzzzz.
‐-------

https://i.ibb.co/2SnQdBk/20190810-210205.jpg

[MainerMikeBrown]

Not much going on with me today. Not much going on tomorrow with me either, or it least it looks that way.

I'll be busy this week, however. So I'll just try to enjoy the eventless weekend while it lasts.

[Ponder]

Eventless sounds mighty fine to me.

Enjoy Mike.

[salvator here]

I hope to one day to get off sleeping pills as well, Dahila, but now just isn't the time with everything I'm dealing with I guess, on them for years too. For some reason, I deal with pain better than lack of sleep, and for that reason, I never got addicted to pain pills - Not that any doctors around here prescribe them even for cancer patients. Doctors here are terrified of losing their license. I remember doctors handing them out like candy in the 80's and they just weren't for me I guess, and now, not a chance even after surgery. Either Tylenol (wreck the liver) or ibuprofen (wreck the kidneys). War on drugs is tough position for genuine people in pain it seems.

Anyway..

Nothing new here to report.

Glad to read your postings Ponder, Dahila, and Mike, and wishing you the best.

Take care :)

[Ponder]

Likewise Sal - Currently in a motel. Came down to the city for my wife's annual check up at the hospital. At garbage on the way down. Not much in the way of healthy choices. Thankfully there is a grocery shop down the road where I can get some green leaves for a bit of roughage. lol Honestly though ... my City Slicker Son and my new daughter in-law will for sure be taking us out for Korean tonight. (I hate the word in-law - she really is a good girl and I could not give two fucks about the law)

Hmmm where was I ... still flying down the highway with my head I thinks. Seriously ... it's been good to see you guys posting away. I have been fully engrossed in my new PC gear and obsessed with city building of all things.

Here is my set up of late. Thinking of getting a capture device to have the gaming laptop as a dedicated steaming PC - That way I utilize the quad core from it, free up ram on my end as well as video and another 8 cores on the beast for 100% butter smooth gameplay whiles streaming ... yadda yadda ...

Here is a snap shot I took the other day. Is a work in progress:

https://i.ibb.co/9q2PPBs/Current-Streaming-Setup.jpg

Since I got my laptop with me now and the portable drive ... I might actually do some work on my road layout.

Take Care Guys. ;)

[Ponder]

Still not giving a fuck. Seems to be working. :)

Had a good meal with my Son and daughter. Off to the hospital in morning. Long drive after that ... pop into see more relatives on the way home.
https://i.ibb.co/TbRp8xV/received-490716275019378.jpg

Night guys ... please keep posting and I will do the same.

[Dahila]

I still not giving fuck either, I had slept for ten hours, which is always the case after market, I took the pill of course, 10 hours with social interaction leaves me so shaky , I could not sleep without help.

[MainerMikeBrown]

I have to go to Rhode Island later this week. Maybe I'll see Cape Cod while I'm at it.

Doing well today. Hope you are too.

[salvator here]

That's a nice picture, Ponder :)

[Ponder]

Cape Cod! Reminds me of a freaky movie I watched in the 80s. Be carefull in that neck of tbe woods. :)

Thanks Sal. We don't get enough of those moments. Money tends to dictate those ki d of experiances. Thankfully the medical system put us up for the night and our Son insisted on paying for dinner. We could afford to relax and enjoy our time togeather.

However this morning I got lost in the hospital while Lisa was being checked over. I also lost my phone in the caffiteria, (whilst talking on it via bluetooth) Thank goodness somone handed it in.

On the way home now. Not stopping as had enough for now and the GPS is not exactly syncing up. None the less is better than a map.

What are you guys doing now?

https://i.ibb.co/429P8JS/20190812-114029.jpg

[Ponder]

Home. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

[MainerMikeBrown]

If I go to Cape Cod this week, I'm not going swimming in the ocean there. I've heard that they've had some problems with sharks in Cape Cod's ocean waters lately.

[Ponder]

Yea - I am VERY careful swimming in our waters. Sharks live in water point blank and people are dying all the time over here .. everywhere in fact. You swim in the ocean and your more at risk from shark attack than being hit with lightening ... but hey ... " don't let that stop ya from having fun" Hmmm ... No thanks ... I don't buy into that either. I feel much more relaxed on land if truth be told. Not unless I either own a huge yacht or my own personal SUB. I would love that latter.

Off to group this morning ... then off to a BBQ after that. Not sure I am looking forward to all the walking but then again ... I need it. Don't have the car today ... but lots on.

[Ponder]

Thought I would start the day with this ... Later guys.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ws7kuvcztkQ&feature=youtu.be

Keep Posting ... It's helping me. TY

[Ponder]

Couple of good sessions chilling on the stream - cleaning up this morning ... Jumped on the tramp for the first time in a bit. Need to keep that shit going. Feeling much better for it, yet could back of the information overload. All up though has been good to really find a place of my own.

Touching base in here just for the sake of it really.

If your up for watching a bit of Gaia TV you know where to find me. lol ... although that is some far fetched shit. none the less ... Netflix is waning of late. Same deal, different network is all.

Up down and around ... life goes on.

Going out for a good morning with my other half and to have a meeting before that.

I best get ready now.

Adios ... Keep breathing ... or NOT ... I am easy either way. No existence is better than one at all. At least on this plane.

[Ponder]

Quick One I just threw together ... Is where I am and and is what it is.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kc-bu6h5Tsk&feature=youtu.be

Best of luck doing your own thing.

Time to go OUT ... Time to charge up for the next week before heading back IN

[Ponder]

More not giving a fuck!
Mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmm

[url=https://ibb.https://i.ibb.co/bB3Y98c/20190815-095324.jpg

[MainerMikeBrown]

I just got back from Rhode Island about an hour ago. It's good to be home. Home sweet home.

I never did go to Cape Cod. Maybe I'll go there next time I go to Rhode Island.

[Ponder]

Hello there Mike ... Hope this finds you well ... as too D - Sal and everyone else.

Yea - Home now myself. I was looking forward to getting home whilst out ... yet enjoyed the group between being there and in my head. :)


_______________________
Here is an ep I recorded called
Why Don't We heal:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5lelASCHXY&feature=youtu.be

Despite leaving the following comment (my own resistance and or discernment / intuition ... I still feel this lady has a good message as to why so many of us hold ourselves back.
____________________

My comment after watching: (Which says more about me than anyone else - depending on your own position - I really don't know)

I am not saying we should stay ill ... but the bellow is more warning flags that went up for me whilst watching the presentation ... for the most part it's pretty damn good ... which is why I decided to share it ... none the less for me I share it with caution given how new-agers sell their own agenda and judge as they do:

There is an air of superiority in not being ill and an unhealthy expectation that we MUST never be ill. That we MUST be at our full potential lest we be suffering. This is an unhealthy doctrine also known as the prosperity doctrine is also sold with the word G-O-D. There is much to glean from this presentation, but BEWARE of this mentality that seeks to run from anyone that is ill, and the diseased thinking that we must never suffer or draw from it in order to help others. I feel this lady was the other extreme of what she was trying to reveal. Reveal her own agenda she did well, but from someone who can see well enough even when labelled as ill, there is nothing wrong with being either well or not. We don't have to have a purpose and or believe in some kind of GOD. We are our own Gods. Once you can see that ... it's OK not to think or see as others ... AND it’s OK not to be well. In fact this day and age, being well is as much an illusion as suffering itself. God knows it SELLS well. lol. Nuggets to be had here ... but also a lot of IRONY with the suggestion to cut and run as to see yourself as a failure simply for being yourself. It's OK if your unwell ... Life goes on. Don't leave your spouse just because she or he is unwell. Today's wellbeing crowed are a very self-centred lot. They come up with a LOT of truths, but twist them for their own agendas, whilst dismantling others. It's very much a case of the yin and the yang with this episode. Take what works ... but also note what does not. Let them keep their misunderstood words - their misunderstood experiences, and also the need to tell others what to think and feel. They too can't help it.
__________________

I then found this link to which I thought her message a little more digestible ... although having watched her previous episode (shot in the future) kind of did help.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5vf9C-l7oo
______________

NOW - What to do??? Thinking of popping into cities skylines ... then might watch a bit more Gaia. ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz

[MainerMikeBrown]

Today I worked at a farm, and what a good weather day it was for that. Not to cold or hot outside. Heck, I didn't even break a sweat at the farm today.

[Ponder]

Sounds right on the mark - Mike :) How was the space?

[MainerMikeBrown]

Tonight, the New England Patriots play a preseason game. So that will keep me occupied tonight.

[Ponder]

Don't suppose I will get an answer to my question hey?

[Dahila]

Don't suppose I will get an answer to my question hey?

Oh you always want some answers Mr. P ;)))))))))))))))

[salvator here]

Sorry - no helpful answers or anything, just to let you know I've been reading and things seem like they're working out for you P. I hope so. You appear upbeat.

[salvator here]

_______________________
Here is an ep I recorded called
Why Don't We heal:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5lelASCHXY&feature=youtu.beI don't know how I feel after watching that. Actually, I'm a magnet for that type of people she mentions. I'm mindful of that fact that if I say to somebody *following "Hello" or "Hi"*...how are you?? I should expect to get somebodies life story and I could be stuck listening for a while. People feel like they can open up to me I guess and I tell you the truth don't mind it. I assume some people are lonely or have nobody to talk to and just want somebody to listen. Yes its frustrating when its one-sided but just how it is usually for me. When I'm asked how I am , I just say.. fine.. even if I'm not.

[Ponder]

More so dislike being ignored. :)

Nice to see you again Sal. I am cruising I suppose.
Hi D ... I think you get my meaning. :) You always do. :)

About to watch some Human Evolution Space Alien Docos on my twitch before Bed. ZZZZZZzzzz

Later Guys.

________
Just saw your post then Sal ... Give me a minute as I am reading now ...

[Ponder]

I like your response Sal ... You have a heart. I feel this lady is a overly hard in her approach and tending towards issues of her own. You nailed the message - but you also seem mindful of both sides of the fence. I am filter out a lot of the selfish new age stuff when looking for various consciousness docos here and there. No one is perfect ... although those you think they are less ill than others tend to float their boat and are quick to judge others. Nothing wrong with a being tired, lonely, cynical and just plain over it all. I think it's actually healthy to a degree. I think a little injection of such for the overly extroverts is a good thing.

If we are to have a purpose in life ... then that must be mine. To remand the puritans their not so perfect after all, and that there really is no need to have a purpose other than just live and let live. They can have all that thriving and striving ...

I'm going to thrive and strive on some alien conspiracy ... Later dude.

Remember ... your a champ just the way you are. That lady makes some good points ... But that's about all. She is also a bit harsh for my liking.

Night Night ... ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Ponder]

night

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHO_bJc3OtM

[MainerMikeBrown]

I went to bed well before the Patriots game ended last night. So I recorded it. However, we had some thunder storms come through last night here. Hence, I didn't get to see the fourth quarter of last night's game because the T-storms blocked my satellite's signal.

But that's okay because it was just a preseason game.

Hope everyone is well.

[Ponder]

Derailed. Mission Succesfull.
You know where to find me.

[MainerMikeBrown]

I just got out of bed. Looking to have a pleasant day today.

[Dahila]

I am f****n stressed

[MainerMikeBrown]

Sorry to read that you're stressed, Dahila. Have things gotten better since the other day when you posted here that you're stressed?

[salvator here]

Lets us hope we catch a well deserved break from the stress. Hard sometimes when we try to get up and life keeps pummeling you down; seems like that sometimes.

Take care and better days ahead.

[Dahila]

I think I am a bit better Mike, everything stress me up, that's the other story , sorry guys I push it on you :)

[MainerMikeBrown]

Glad your doing better, Dahila, even if it's just a little bit better.

I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend.

[Dahila]

thanks Mike yep I am a bit better

[MainerMikeBrown]

Today I have a few things I need to do, including going to the grocery store. I'm going to purchase corn on the cob, which I haven't had in a long time. Delicious!

[Dahila]

I just came back from grocery shopping. I am exhausted, I hate grocery shopping, I hate shopping in general, except shopping for computer or computer related items

[MainerMikeBrown]

I don't get nervous while grocery shopping like I used to. And I'm thankful for that, because I have to go to the grocery store on a regular basis.

[Kirk]

I am also sorry to hear you are stressed Dahila. My father (may he rest in peace) used to tell me that as I get older things will not get easier and he was right. He also said life is not always a bed of roses and he was right again, sorry to say.

[MainerMikeBrown]

Although I think most of life is good, life can be hard at times.

[salvator here]

Yeah its a give and take thing I think Kirk. I'm closer to 47 and some things I used to struggle with before are not there anymore and don't seem as bad, while new things are there now, new problems. Hard to explain I guess. what is bad is running into (bumping into) into people from the past in public and walking down memory lane. Not good for me to think about the past so much. Occasionally I run into people from school and having to talk to them sends me into deep sadness and loaded with regret. Should've done this, could've done that, ya know. sorry guy I just don't anything uplifting to say and I don't want to be fake.

[Dahila]

Hi Kirk with the age we start to realize that we can not do much, so maybe just try to enjoy life, I am doing the best I had ever done. Trying to appreciate small things, but it not always work, Lately I am complaining, Am I not?
Sorry Gents, forgive me :) I spend few hours in my workshop ; nothing helps me more that making some products. :)

[Kirk]

I am 62 years old and have been married for almost 33 years. My first marriage only lasted 3 and half years. I have had health anxiety off and on for as long as I can remember. I have one daughter who is 28. I have actually had a number of real health issues, which does not help matters, but so far they have not killed me yet. I try to do the best I can and not worry, but it can be hard at times. When my mind and time is occupied, I feel a lot better.

[MainerMikeBrown]

I find keeping my mind occupied to be beneficial for me emotionally as well, Kirk, just as long as what's occupying me is positive.

[Ponder]

BYE BYE UK ANXIETY FORUM!!!

Space is a valuable asset to me in a world full of shit. Clearly it is time for me to move on - and that's OK ...

Just need to shed context as to my leaving ... as well as leaving on my own terms. There is respect and then there is disrespect. I am learning the latter will always intrude no matter what you do. It's also a sign I am taking for me to take this final step as far as this space goes. You can set up camp, but ultimately you will never own that space. In that ... I leave it all to you.

You can back door me on Twitch which is in my sig there as well as those who might already know of my youtube account.

Take Care Sal - Take Care D
___________________


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlqnmAw6XUU&feature=youtu.be

Like I said ... you know where to find me. This place only serves as a trigger from this point out. Was nice meeting you guys. Life goes on.

Astalavista http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/hello/cyclop-alien-waving-hello-smiley-emoticon.gif

[MainerMikeBrown]

Sorry to see you go, Ponder.

If you change your mind and want to come back to AnxietyForum.net someday, I'm sure we'll still be here.

Good luck to you, Ponder.

[Ponder]

As you can see I am back, your participation was never invited, nor required. In fact, its why I left. I believe you know that which makes your comment/s contentious.
We never got a long and the fact that my pretend friend knew that, yet kept encouraging you is somthing I consider as abuse, but you all kept ignoring that.

No need for a reply. Unless of course you and the other would like to keep dragging it on.

Is good to be back.

[Ponder]

Oh yea ... as the for most recent comment in another thread - "This thread is about others ..." I severed a close relationship developed in here over years because of that cheap shot. I remind you all that this was my thread which was deceptively hijacked which I alluded to in my parting video. The thing you have to understand with me, is that I never really give up or just move on.

I'm requesting in no uncertain terms that you and that other leave me well alone.

I don't beleive I could be more clearer.

I can't tell you not to respond (although the "No need for a reply" metaphor I've often heard myself and something I can respect - that individual being the only genuine one I have met) ... but if you do wish to disrespect my request, it shows just how arrogant you and others ignorance has been.

Keep pushing as you wish ... but I am satisfied now for calling it as is.

Be sure to stay the fuck out of my new thread. That and this is for me to do as I please.

My own ignorance from this point has now been well defined. No deception there. In this I allow my ego to reign.

Good riddance to you both. I will now carry on as I do.

Thanks for the journey - goodbye!