And they're back... [Panic attacks - need advice quick]

[AliasEQ]

Hey guys,

I wish I could say I'm coming with good news, but I'm not. I'm currently having a panic attack - the first real one after 3 years. I'm shaking, heart is going fast, not able to breath properly etcetc the usual.

I think I have an idea as to why it hit me today. I've recently(1 week ago) moved out of my parents home, so I've felt lonely. I've been questioning some things about myself and as much as I'd like to be happy without having anyone next to me, I'm really not. I'm sad and lonely.

Everyone of my addictions is getting worse and worse. My relationship to people is getting worse. I'm just in a very very bad place right now. And now this hit me.

I'm trying to handle it with all that I can. Breathing through it. And I'm also trying to keep positive. It's seems like being negative is what triggers it. Too much negative things in my life leads to this. I'm not sure I'm even making sense right now, I can't think properly.

Anyways, I need some advice or anything on how to handle this again. I'm letting it flow through and just accepting that I'm having it. If I remember correctly, that was how I got through it last time. Idk, I just want someone to talk to.

Ugh this is hell man. This fucking feeling. I forgot how awful it was. The feeling as if you've been trapped and there's no going back. The heart going ham. The shaking and not being able to speak properly. Ugh. Any help or advice is very much appreciated.

I will be looking through the forum in the meantime.

[Ponder]

Perhaps try walking whilst breathing. Moving is good for calming the brain, but do it slowly and find a place your comfortable moving about. Try not to focus on all 'that stuff.' Passing Time - Getting through the pain in this here and now is probably best done focusing on moving slowly and your breathe ... then come back and check the forum. Be careful what your looking for when browsing ... try to focus on quiet ... silence ... the spaces in between the surges of angst ... just ride the discomfort and know each wave will pass the more you can catch your breath.

Here ... if you have mobile device with ear plugs or able to use headphones:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZZ2-axFB5g

It may not be your thing ... but then again it may help you calm the mind and just focus on the feelings rather than the thoughts. Is important to take on the feelings little bit by little bit rather than the feeding off the mind.

Srry your not doing so well. I've been banging my own head against the wall with Society in general. I won't go there except to say ... there is more to breathing than just breathing. Using sound therapy, movement, or doing anything that deescalates the mind will help you naturally breath.

Once you get past this episode ... try not to solve everything in one go. Let what will be - be. I am learning I am the only one that can help myself. Many out there say they can help and offer all kinds of solutions but in the end all we have is our self. Work on how your feeling about yourself. I get that it's lonely. I feel it. Most of those proposed solutions out there fall short if we can't live with our self. The more we rely on others, the less power we have for us.

Be Kind to yourself ← → When rock bottom ... it feels like you make a friend when you do just that. It's why I came back to the forum and started my own thread. I've been so lonely for so long ... it helps to be kind to self. Start by being careful how you think ... try some of the above or that link.

[Ponder]

Here ... This one requires a little effort to listen to in the beginning, but if you can handle the first 5 minutes, you may just may get some of the advice your looking for:

Can't go to wrong with 14+ million views - then again ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vx8iUvfyCY

[AliasEQ]

Thank you, Ponder. Your advice is always greatly appreciated.

I finally got some sleep yday. I feel like I'm getting drained by this though. I forgot how awful this was. I'm in a constant panic attack it feels like. I can't get sleep and I can't do anything else. I'm just sitting here all day dealing with this sh*t.

I wake up and I instantly go into a full blown panic attack that won't ever go away. I tried to sleep again and woke up 4 hours later into another full blown panic attack. And I'm currently sitting here, nervous and anxious. Can't eat anything either. I'm trying to forcefeed myself, but that's not going to hold up.

Ugh. As much as I'd like to do this without medication, I don't think I'm able to this time. Anyways, thanks for the input ponder! I'll check that meditation out!

[Ponder]

For sure man. Your always welcome. I can respect whatever choices you make. Although I don't operate too well on meds, they still have their place for me as of late I have in fact taken some to help me get through the odd couple of nights/days due to some hard core heavy dealings over the last several months. I just avoid taking them long term is all. Feeling this way and doing so off and on for long periods of time sets up the 'episodic nature' of mental illness. Do whatever works to give you a better chance at adopting healthy practices. I know for me that the more I am able to get back on my feet; the less I need to rely on assists. However do take whatever helps you get through this patch. It sounds tough man and I hear ya.

It's good to see you again and I am glad you posted. You have helped many people in here, the least some of us can do is reciprocate.

I hope this does at least find you feeling a little better.

[AliasEQ]

Again, thank you man!

It feels good knowing I'm not alone dealing with this sh*t. What really made the panic attack much worse yday was the thought of a "relapse". Going back to this, not remembering how horrible the feeling was. I'm now picking up my old "kit" and things are actually starting to get easier again. Somewhere along the line I started seeing panic attacks as something dangerous rather than a bluff, a joke.

I've gone all day with no appetite, which is the only thing that's worrying me right now. I forced myself to eat some cereal, 1 carrot, 1 pear, 2 smoothies and like abit of rice/meat not even worth mentioning. I don't know how to get my appetite back, I cant even remember this being a symptom of mine 3-4 years ago.

Oh btw, what happend to all the people who used to be here? I feel like it's much less movement here nowadays.

[Dahila]

Hi AliasEQ nice to see you but I would prefer if you came to say that you are ok.
I think you must realize now that your anxiety is not going to go.. it will stick with you so better try to relax. It is not relapse, You have it and when you stressed out or triggered, it could be anything, it is sometime difficult to put your finger on what caused panic attack.
Medication; Ponder does very well without it, but he is strong, very tough person, I like him so much for being such good positive and sensitive person. Well the problem is we are being too sensitive it is like we wear our insides out . Eh I am on meds for years, tiny dose but I know when I am getting shaky so I take it before the panic occurs. I wish I could sleep without meds and function, I do not function that well without something to take the edge off.
I had not had a panic attack probably more than a year. Still anxiety is my best friend never leaves me alone. Alias I know that you feel lost , to get used to being alone is a process. It took me a lot of years to plan it and realize it, I am living with someone but the house is big and we do not exchange more that 5 sentences a day , sometimes less. I exist in workshop and computer room.
I remember you did meditate, am I right Alias? Let us know how you are doing , please Hugs

[Dahila]

...........................................

[Ponder]

It sure does help when you have peers you can connect with. Places like this can be good for that.

The truth as I see it from my perspective, is that I struggle very, very hard each day to maintain a state of stability. However, thanks heaps for the vote of confidence D. It’s good to have yours and AliasEQ’s support.

D hit’s the nail on the head with respect to relapse Alias, but I get the gist of what you mean. Making friends with anxiety is something I can digest. Works for me. It really is not something to be cured. But that’s another story and not always well understood.

For now … it’s more about you whipping this current episode in the Butt. Sounds like you’re getting back on your feet. As far as appetite guys I need to curve mine, but if you want one … just start working on a healthy routine that based on circadian rhythm and mild activity combined with stable thoughts. All in good time. Stability based on routine takes time. Nothing will ever expedite that.

The Forum Activity? Is what it is. Some people move on, others come back … then others do not. Don’t be put off by less traffic. You can get a LOT of quality interactions in low key forums. You’ll at least get one on one here in a way that counts. Some people thrive on drama that can be had in those moderated forums where it seems to be more about how one speaks rather than what is said.

No matter … we are here now. Is good to see Sal is about. I hope he pops back in, but if not … I send warm thought either way.

Keep on keeping on.

[AliasEQ]

I’m sorry Dahila that I’m coming back with these bad news :( Idk why or how but this hit me litterally out of freaking nowhere. I’ve always had control over it. And now suddenly I’m just not able to control it like I’m used. I’m trying my best to control it again though!

I understand what you mean. Anxiety doesn’t really go away. You just learn to cope with it I guess. I was coping so good foor 4 years though. It just sucks that I lost my ways and that I have to redo it all and learn new ways.

I still do meditate, it’s just I’ve never had time lately and I guess thats why I got so stressed.

I’m reading every word of ur responses but I can’t type too much sonce Im on my phone and its rly late and I’m having a mild panic attack as we speak. Thank you guys!

[Dahila]

Do not worry Alias, you know that my maternal instinct kick in , when I see you. Who will better understand you than us, We go through the same things. I am old and still kicking , even i wanted to end things so many times, had some tries to end it, Not from the moment I got my daughter and son. I m still thinking about it, but it does not going to be a problem.
I wish you find someone who will support you when you needed, For now you have us Alias, I wish you the best from a bottom of my heart <3

[Ponder]

Things any better today/this evening?

[AliasEQ]

Hey, thanks for asking Ponder. Anxiety is still hitting me in waves throughout the day. Sometimes, I'm doing really good and sometimes it's really bad. Today I spent the entire day outside, it was quite hard to handle the anxiety surrounded by people to be completely honest. I managed to do it though and I'm just trying to continue and go on like I normally would. I don't want to pause the rest of my life like I did the very first time when I had a panic attack. In fact, even if I had a panic attack, I'm just going on with life and conversations normally. People can't seem to see that I'm fighting a battle inside of my head :D

It's crazy how it can change the entire mindset, just like that. The world as you know it is crumbling for a moment and the other moment you're just relaxing and being optimistic. My derealization is not back, but I can definitely feel it in the back somewhere. Not giving it any attention so far though. My appetite is still going up and down. Todays morning was way better than ydays though. I ate 2 toasts and 2 pretty big burgers from Mcdonalds. And I'm currently trying to forcefeed myself some more.

Also, I'm noticing that my anxiety goes through the roof when I lay on my bed to go to sleep. It's like, I'm expecting it to happen and therefore it happens. I still can't remember how I beat this exactly. I think I just practiced every day to control it and eventually I got control over it.

Oh well... that's how my day has been. Hows yours been man?

[AliasEQ]

Btw, since the forum isn’t as active anymore, do you reckon it would be a good idea to make a daily ”journal”? I think it would be a good idea for myself in the future, if I do forget how to cope with these emotions again and for others aswell. Looking back at my threads and the help and advice that I’ve been given is actually very valuable. I’m taking a look at some of the advice and I’m just relearning everything.

Idk, what do you guys think?

[Dahila]

is it that strange, people always tell me how calm I am , they have not idea how much it takes not to show the turmoil you are in. Alias try to spend time in woods, Even 12 minutes will give you some relieve

[Ponder]

Glad your having/had a better morning. Since you asked I had anxiety waves to ride during my interview regarding a government disability organisation. I made it through with the help of my wife and a seemingly understanding staff interviewer. I am still a little flustered this next morning but not really interested in focusing on it too much. I am not interested in mixing with society other than this forum right now and that's absolutely fine with me. The more I feel pressured to 'integrate' that more I want nothing to do with people.

The benefits of a daily journal depend on a couple of factors. I can only speak from my own experiences I have in this forum with doing my own journals. It's why I have came back here. What I choose to focus on either makes or breaks my day. It's a bit of a balancing act where confronting stuff that's uncomfortable can be very healing, however it can also lead me further down the rabbit hole from which I am trying to break free. Choosing words carefully helps; I then just avoided using the word escape but that's another story.:) Ramble is better than Rant ... but sometimes a rant is required in order to reach a rambling state ... then once rambling at ease for sometime my words and thoughts feel to me -much more free. Arrrrrrrrr ... now that's better ... I might even be able to sleep.

So in that regard ... Yep ... a daily journal for some of us types is in fact a very healing method in which to acquire quality and calm head space. I find in mental health forums that don't have a dedicated section for a Blog, Diary or Journal ... just pick the subsection that seems most appropriate for you and give your thread a like wise relative name.
________________________________

Hey D ... It matters more what we think rather than what others have to say. I always am misunderstood so am no used to asking my self "is that what I feel' as others usually get it wrong when telling me how is that they they think I be or feel. That said, I try not to dismiss others in that process as there is always something to learn from the way others react. ATM I am avoiding others as I feel It is best for me given the way I presently be.

[AliasEQ]

I’m getting some lone time here and there but it’s seems like loneliness is a trigger for my anxiety. I dont know why. Growing up, I always prefered being lonely.

I get what you’re saying Ponder. I don’t know if I’ll write a journal but I’ll take a look at yours!

Today was somewhat of a good day. Ate like normal almost, didn’t feel the anxiety this morning and I was coping decent throughout the day. However, later I started losing control. I’m currently in bed trying to sleep but... yeah, thats not working out so great :D

Honestly, these negative thoughts are worrying me. I’m no longer afraid of dying in a panic attack. I’m rather having suicidal thoughts. It feels like I’m in this bubble all by myself and no one can get me out. I can’t live like this. I can’t take this struggle. Not with all the years I have ahead of me. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live. Living with this is like I’m already dead. I’m not experiencing life like I should.

These are my thoughts when I’m having a panic/anxiety attack. When I don’t have them, I’m asking myself what the hell I was thinking. Ugh. I probably wont kill myself. I just cant bring myself to it. But then, maybe I’m just afraid of these thoughts and thats why I’m panicking. I dont know anymore to be honest.

Anyways, hope you had a good day today!

[Imperfect]

Just reading you now whilst on route with my wife driving the car. Good solid post. Again I hear ya! Tendencies are hard to the core. Is like being stuck under a rock with someone standing on it. Living and dying both tough options under such circumstances.

When I'm in those cycles and it is often, I focus on the space in between my breath. I also remind myself time is like breathing in that these tough periods will give way to moments of peace. Even though it's been full on without a break this last 18months; the psychology in that approach has always done me well.

Hang in there Bro! It can get better. You'll find a way.

[Ponder]

Srry for confusion. I was on phone logged on under my most recent user name. Split personality disorder I guess. I should probably see someone for that too. :)

[salvator here]

I’m getting some lone time here and there but it’s seems like loneliness is a trigger for my anxiety. I dont know why. Growing up, I always prefered being lonely.Hi Alias.. it is those times when you have too much time to think that those feelings of loneliness can creep in. Remember, its only a feeling like any other and it will pass. You can be just as lonely ( in fact, sometimes even more lonely ) around people and feelings of loneliness are replaced by feelings of being "exclusion" and "rejection" which can also feel crappy.

I can completely relate to much of your posting actually, I was always always a loner and prefer it; still, that doesn't mean we don't have (I'll call it - cravings) to be a social. For me they are short fleeting thoughts nowadays when I remember the drama that comes along with (especially in one-sided) friendship. Much of the time I have to distract myself or create my own fantasy environmental and usually it works, because when you think about it, everybody is really in their own world anyway - perception is reality.

I'm sorry you have those ugly suicidal thoughts, I also get them, but they do pass eventually and as they say, it doesn't rain everyday.

Take care and keep posting here and I think journals are also a great idea.

[AliasEQ]

"When I'm in those cycles and it is often, I focus on the space in between my breath. I also remind myself time is like breathing in that these tough periods will give way to moments of peace. Even though it's been full on without a break this last 18months; the psychology in that approach has always done me well."
- I really like it!

Thank you salvator for the uplifting post. Appreciate it very much!

I'm very confused. Today was for example a great day. Anxiety levels were low throughout the entire day, was out with my dad almost all day, which felt really good. Went out to some friends and I could feel the anxiety but it really wasn't a problem. I was functioning like I normally would. Great day. Got nothing to do tomorrow and I hope I can get some peaceful sleep. If not, I'll just keep practicing to handle the anxiety. Practice until my body realises that it doesn't need to freak the f*ck out every night. Avoiding negative thoughts to my best ability. All in all, it's been a good day where I've finally got to relax for just a moment. Really needed this rest.

Yesterdays night was hard. And I really need to learn how to handle my negative thoughts better. I'll keep practicing on that.

Hows your days been? Hoping it's been good!

[salvator here]

You're welcome Alias and thank you for that quote :)

[AliasEQ]

Quick update!

I feel like I have control of my anxiety again. Remembering how I got rid of it the first time, reading through everything I've posted and every advice I've been given. I think I know the reasons as to why I lost control of it. Too much of bad stuff, unhealthy mentality and I was just in general not taking care of myself anymore.

This obviously doesn't mean that it's fully gone. I need to acknowledge that I will go through the very lows. The second I had the panic attack, I lost control mentally and I thought I was at a different place. Everything in my mind went blank because I hadn't dealt with it for a longer period of time.

I appreciate all the encouraging words and the support! Stay strong!!!

[Dahila]

Very good Alias :)