Feel like my boyfriends therapist. Can anyone relate?

[walkingonglass]

Hi.. my partner has GAD. He’s a very vocal person and also very anxious and worried person. The smallest decision needs to be discussed.. and he is always worried about things that can go wrong.

Sometimes I feel like I’m his therapist.. and he’s mentioned that too. He tells me absolutely everything and I’m his safe person.

Is it bad to feel like you’re your partner therapist? Has anyone else who has a partner with GAD found that they feel that way?

Or does anyone work gad/anxiety have any thoughts or experiences?

The reason I ask is that I don’t want it to be detrimental on our relationship...

Thank you x

[AceParadox]

Hi there,

Often times, in relationships, anxiety (or not), we are a rock for our partner and with anxiety a person to talk to and trust in is like a calm port in a storm. Do you feel flattered he trusts you so much as to tell you everything and that you're his safe person?

In my opinion, I think it would only be detrimental to the relationship, or bad to feel as if you're a partners therapist if you yourself think it is so. If it is negatively impacting you, and you're feeling miserable or becoming overwhelmed, definitely try to communicate with them on it - but with anxiety it can be tough to do this without provoking the anxiety.

Keep in mind, he can't help being who he is, BUT anxiety is something that can improve and get better to a point where it doesn't rule over a persons life; I strongly believe this to be 100% true as I was able to. Anxiety is really just a little bug in our brains wiring - it's a response to irrational fear that has been replicated enough times to become what the brain feels is a normal response; basically a habit, and like any habit, it can be broken down and rebuilt. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works wonders for this. I didn't know what that was, but it's basically what I did to overcome my anxiety. One time when I was having anxious thoughts, I stopped for a a second and went "Wait...Does this even make sense?" and started countering my own minds arguments for why I should worry about something, and over time, it gave up trying to fight with me on it.

You're anxious partner is very much the person you fell in love with and likely more, he's just fighting an absolutely vicious war within his mind - but having a strong ally, a strong supportive person who cares like you around bolsters his strength tremendously.

I would suggest, if he doesn't already have one, to find an actual therapist that he can talk to as well. It may take some shopping around to find one that they feel comfortable with, but once found, it can take a lot off for sure. I definitely don't know the full story and what not, but that's just what I think :)

Sorry for the wall of text.

All the best! Cheers.

[Kuma]

Good advice from AceParadox. In my relationship, I am the one with the anxiety. I have given a lot of thought to this, from "the other side," and I have discussed it with my wife.

I don't think it works for spouse to be both spouse and therapist. It can be draining for the non-anxious spouse, and unless the non-anxious spouse is in fact a trained therapist, they just don't know how to do it. Plus. the spouse (or girlfriend etc) necessarily lacks complete objectivity.

So I think the person with anxiety needs a professional therapist (if it has gotten to the point where they feel like they need help from another person). But, with that, it is certainly the role of a spouse to offer support and to be a sounding board.

It is pretty hard to understand what anxiety "feels like" if you don't suffer from it. But it is hard -- and having another person be supportive is very helpful.

At the same time, those of us with anxiety need to recognize that our anxiety can affect others too, including those with whom we have close relationships. So I try to get the support that I need from my wife, but also to minimize the impact on her. It is a balancing act, and not always an easy one.