Diagnose My Anxiety

[Go To Sleep]

Hiya been meaning to make this post for a looonnngg time now, but ive been putting it off.


warning long thread, not for the faint of heart.etc who have to be at work in a few minuites or whatever

Intro

Ive been reflecting over my anxiety problem which has been with me my entire life recently and wondering if i should finally do something about it, reading the stories on here i can tell im not nearly as bad as some of you guys, yet i feel like my anxiety will always be present and il never be able to fully beat it.

Ive had a plan for awhile now to beat my anxiety and gain wieght and just generally be awsome by the time im 18, because growing up looking up to my older brother and his friends i just felt that 18 was THE age when you become cool. Im sorta running out of time though, (3 months) not gonna have gained much weight by then :(


When it hits

Im a completly fine and normal outside of school hanging with my mates when im in my "comfort zone".etc but at times of stress my anxiety problem creeps up and i have the common feelings of forboding and fear in the depths of my stomach like ive drunk a huge quantity of vodka :) , i get shaky in extreme cases and just feel detached from reality like im dreaming and can have no effect on my surroundings.

In school i find i have an intense fear of being made to look foolish, so il be constantly re-thinking things and second guessing myself, when i was younger friends used to say i just wasnt the same person in school as out.

Driving is pretty much the main reason im seeking help. I had trouble passing my test to drive my moped (lul) and my dad was really dissapointed in me. All my brothers have had trouble learning even though only one of my older brothers has actually taken his first test (and failed) so far : S
But according to my dad they suck
Im really worried im gonna just seize up and fall to pieces during my tests and just never pass

I can think of very few times when ive been as terrified (terrified is the right word) as when i was taking that moped test, i was like physically shaking and stuff, i couldnt concentrate and giving me instructions was like giving instructions to a brick wall - just couldnt take anything in, there was always a voice in the back of my mind telling me i was doing it all wrong.etc

I also remember being really nervous when i started working for the first time, dealing with people on checkouts. But im proud of myself, got a job before any of my friends and just sort of faced my fears and powered on through even though i was terrified id suck at everything.etc, didnt like the idea of serving customers.

And of course my first day of school ;)


Recently ive been pretty down and just generally feeling shitty about myself. I think a main focus of my insecurity and anxiety is my weight im realllllyyy skinny (and not tall enough to get away with it), the main focus of my insecurity being my arms i go to great lengths to cover them up, never wearing short sleeves.etc and sometimes absent mindedly looking down to check they dont look skinny under my jumper : \
I often feel powerless physically like i can have no effect on the world around me which is just, i just hate this feeling.


Conclusion/ what i plan to do about it

To combat this im gonna start going to the gym again and just desperatly trying to put on weight through eating (got one of those super metabolism, low appitete things going on).
But first id like to try medication just to see what a day without stess and just generally feeling like shit would be like, give me strength to focus on beating this thing.

I heard docters give out anti-depressents like sweets these days, how hard is it to get anti-anxiety drugs?, im gonna feel abit silly going to the docter (especially at my age) and i hate for my folks to know about it.

Thanks for reading all that if you've made it this far, i tried to break it up abit ;)

[noonanjs]

It sound like you are a self proclaimed golden child like me. We look up to our siblings but we deep down want to be better. So we put all this stress on oursellves and then break down and want to quit if we think there is a chance we might fail. Your parents are not going to be disappointed if you have anxiety, they may not understand it but they won't outcast you. Everyone feels weird about their body just so you know. Unless your the 10% of the population that is perfect and they even hate their bodies!!! Everyone wants to change something. If you want to hide your arms then HIDE THEM. That's a choice you are making. You are choosing to believe it and you are doing something about it. So instead of feeling so hepless why not feel empowered. If I know anything I know concentrating on your body can be a very tricky distraction from what is really going on with your anxiety. So be careful. Anxiety drugs are handed out and maybe you can even ask for one that usually tends to make people gain weight. Kill two birds with one stone. Until you're honest you will feel alone. And until then, you can come here and come to me. Cause I'm 23 and I need help to. We can help each other.
Jackie