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Ponder
07-12-2018, 04:57 AM
Keeping Balance:
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https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1824/28490507607_fdc1c3ec14_b.jpg


Cuppa Time

BRB - for a good chinwag in my fine live editing style.

Dahila
07-12-2018, 05:10 AM
That's fantastic ;))

Ponder
07-12-2018, 05:43 AM
I thought you might like that D. I struggle with the amount of images passing my eyes each day, so I figure it's a good practice to start putting out some inspiring ones. I've been printing out similar ones for my grandson and sticking them on the fridge at his optimal viewing height. It warms my heart to see eyes light up each time he sees them. He is an extremely visual individual. Hey Sal, I also started this thread because of something you said ... about liking to read how well I am doing. Thanks for encouraging like so Sal. I figured to post a few smiling pics.

I've been using food for comfort - but I am not cut up about it. You know me - It won't be long before I start my detailed reporting on or start making affirmations relating exercise and well being goals. I'm allowing a couple more weeks in which time I hope to get a handle on the food side of things. The residual from my other thread is going to take a lot more time yet. That said ... the kick off in this thread really will be about balancing things out. Due warning - each topic can get a bit full on - Small waves that build up into huge ones ... keeping momentum ... setting intention and all that kind of thing - BUT even then:



... Some Moments can only be Satisfied with a Big Squishy Grandma Hug!

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1784/41550372030_0ccc42db71_o.jpg

- You better be smiling D! -

... & Sal ... if you say you don't have a grandma, I'm booking a flight & coming over there to give you a big squishy hug!!! :)

Night Guys ... ZZZzzz

Ponder
07-13-2018, 06:16 AM
Vegged out on World of Tanks and caught up with an old tank buddy whilst doing so. He was asking me about making videos as he want to show off his welding skills to friends and family. I took it as an opportunity to play around with some different cameras and threw something together as he seemed interested in the idea of using an off camera microphone. I made a mess of things with one of the cameras not being set up correctly, another in a different resolution and I should of been more discrete with yet another.

BUT - the syncing of the audio across the three cameras and the process of cutting the clips and joining them was pretty straight forward the close of the evening. Over all it was fun all things considered. Great distraction for me at the moment. I really still don't know what I am doing with video ... but it's fun learning. I know its good to create space for the brain ... and whilst it looks like I am not giving mine a break, I think changing up my hobbies is actually a good thing for me. I tend to return the same ones over time, but thankfully I have enough to cycle through.

A repeated story in this video (perhaps more engaging) ... My WOT buddy has not heard it like so though. I think I do another video more on how all the technical side works for me ... I could do with more learning on that side of things.

I tried posting at Beyond Blue ... a mental health site here in Australia. The moderators would not let my post through. I actually made a big attempt to watch the negative language, used no swear works - per sey - and even finished it with some kind of request to allow others to chime in. Trust me, when I say this place is awesome just the way it is.

Night Guys ... Life still sucks right now for me ... however this is me just trying to get back on my feet. I defiantly want to start taking my cameras out a little more and set up the hammock while I am at it. Perhaps a multi camera performance in setting up a day camp where I take some photos and go on a little hike.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TCsicpTk2o&feature=youtu.be

ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Adios ... until next post. ;)

PonderThe2nd
07-13-2018, 10:26 PM
This is my new Nick - Wanted to do away with the 5000+ post count.

Making new video ... will upload soon.

Adios until next post :)

PonderThe2nd
07-14-2018, 02:05 AM
Scratch that - mic shorted out :( ... Dahila ... are you still a member of that red forum that you one you linked me to years ago? Its a black and Red forum? Does that rind any bells. PM if you remember. TY.

Dahila
07-14-2018, 06:19 PM
yes I can link you but that forum is kind of slow now. Do you want link to it and few other places?

PonderThe2nd
07-14-2018, 07:42 PM
Yes please :)

& TY

PonderThe2nd
07-15-2018, 03:24 PM
MONDAY sigh ... Day One!

OK - Time to takes the gloves off. I know what's got to be done but the knowledge is useless if I don't have the stuff to do what needs to be done. Back on the bike! ... to many failed starts but as is like to kick starting a bike. Back on lemon water and out the door with - do more chores and keep myself motivated with the end result. Hmmm ... There is a time to envisage the nectar, but at the risk of losing the present. I think that time has come for me. I know the taste that comes from natural healing. I also have another grandiose agenda in all this. I want to rediscover disconnecting from my body. There are several names for it ... but I care less for the club mentality. For now I just focus on taking back control.

Smiles to think you have heard this all before. Lets see if I can do this yet again.

PonderThe2nd
07-15-2018, 04:20 PM
It can be hard to clean up one's act when living with others. Already ... I come home after a morning walk beneath a soothing winter's sun and I am greeted with the waft of banana pancakes. Arrrrrrrr ... COME ON!!!

OK ... just two ... I'll just have two.

So far so good. :) We shall see how I fair for the rest of the day. The cockles thus far are doing well.

Dahila
07-15-2018, 06:08 PM
PM send, good two pancakes is nothing..........I had not had one for the last 3 years. I do miss them

Ponder
07-16-2018, 05:19 AM
Excellent TY D. I'll be putting those links to good use :) In the mean time here is a visitor that popped in whilst I was messing about with one of my cameras - He is a regular:

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/914/42727490514_e7dbe28143_o.jpg

Ponder
07-16-2018, 05:24 AM
https://farm1.staticflickr.com/927/43395590122_c5e10bcb7d_o.jpg

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1768/43443633881_27b65c479f_o.jpg

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1824/42727489784_cc0c679804_o.jpg

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1769/43443633341_b17411ab32_o.jpg

Dahila
07-16-2018, 06:57 AM
the quality of pictures are mind blowing, I envy you so much that skill

Ponder
07-16-2018, 05:38 PM
Thanks for the kind words D. In a photography forum not so much - but your words are warmly received. Whilst I am in the camera mood ... Here is a pot my next door neighbor did not want to take with him when he moved house:

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1828/29584627078_9524fe75c0_o.jpg



I find it hard to break this filtering mode - We all see differently I guess.

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1770/42739328254_99849dbec1_o.jpg


https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1769/29584625318_5a45c51514_o.jpg

Have a good day folks ... I am off to group ... even though I said I would not go back. Sigh. Staying connected ... I try to go in a good head space. Have a day/evening folks. Remember Anxiety is our friend. :)

PonderThe2nd
07-16-2018, 09:03 PM
Good group. Now time to eat - I'll spare you the details of what follows after that. lol I had anxiety before I went and I had anxiety when I left ... The levels adjusted accordingly. Life goes on!

Imperfect
07-17-2018, 02:54 AM
Srry D - Yes it's PONDER here ... I finally found a username I am content with.

I'm going to settle down with some dinner and a few eps of Fringe ... then I post more about the following pic:

DAY TWO:


Back With My Bike
https://farm1.staticflickr.com/925/42745933644_9be96cf5a2_o.jpg

Dahila
07-17-2018, 04:34 AM
WB mister Imperfect ; I really like the nick

Imperfect
07-17-2018, 06:54 AM
Thank You D :) Glad to be back. You nailed it again in the other thread. Time to grab the staff and start herding. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/christian/jesus-leading-flock-of-sheep-smiley-emoticon.gif rofl ... please tell me your smiling ... possibly laughing. COME ON! Srry ... I'm now in a bit of hysterics. arrrrr Sigh.

What a day. Still purging I guess. Just leave them to wander D - Just pick up the stragglers that want a hand. Your right about the one's that just keep going off track. What was it we said recently ... something like leading a horse to water ... but you said it differently? I have enough trouble keeping myself on track and actually dislike that following mentality. Meh.

Anywaysssss ... let me stroke my ego for a bit. Hmmmmmmmmm.
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It was awesome getting back on my bike. Remember the $25 bike from one of the groups. So glad I still have it. The afternoon sun perfect and also some back reserve areas I can ride through. I think this will be just the ticket I need to get active again. It's so easy to lose fitness once you stop and start living under a rock. I've been struggling with hygiene once again ... but now being day two with day three now about to take place ... I'm feeling hopefully right now ... presently ... especially looking back on the following pic as it helping me with my now presence:

Yes it's a selfie [one from a whiles back] - What I like about it - is not only my posture - but also the peace I have when I set up my seat and table down by the water and rocks like so - as well as being fit enough to ride and hop over the larger rocks pictured on the left hand side closer to the water.

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4468/38026355611_2910a7bd66_o.jpg

I got some work to do getting my fitness back up to that level, but in the mean time I'm now feeling hopeful about taking back control. It will be challenging working with the Psychiatrist as I am. He is taking it slow with the historical stuff and then of course I still got that redress submission to complete this week. BUT when I think about the others I know in the groups I attend that have to front up to the Nazi Employment Agencies ... I'm feeling WOE fully inspired to get my shit together so I can help guide them (those listening ... and they are) as best I can in how to play their moves - how to NOT live the lies. How to make a stand in the face of all those would be demons if we let it be like so. I'm all for the eckhart way ... BUT ... sheeple don't understand how it is that such passive letting go actually enables one to make such a stand.
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It's not so easy to understand if one is gainfully employed (self or not) ... emotionally invested in how hard oneself works. Judging quickly takes place, justify ones efforts - then comparisons made to other's not working and from there the self policing take place ... just like those up the chain designed it to be. Shame - Guilt and more Shame ... we impose it on others resultant from said investment - illusions ... and for what? For things? For Image? ... it's not for love because non of those 'things' are capable or giving back. Nar ... fuck all that shit ... fuck the system ... we don't need that shit. I've been pushing hard to reveal this BS work ethic that's pounding the confidence of so many people I have met down at the local community centres. On the way out the door today, I was organising a drop off for one fella saying ... don't you worry, I'll bring over 20 odd seasons split across several series to help take you mind of those 20 BS J-O-B applications they expect of you (OR ELSE!!! its your rent and food!!!) ...

None of these people are going to work - there too busy being kicked while they are down. Told to see psychologists for their evident hangups, continue their psychosocialization with fucked up like minds, take their pills - only then to be told if you can't find a job in this town ... then take it somewhere - away from your friends and family, away form all your supports. PFFFT. Don't tell employers about your incapacity ... LIE ... if you can't find legitimate job applications ... then LIE ... and so on ... conflict after conflict ... this is how these people are expected to live. I'm not talking about alcoholics or drug addicts ... not hoons, hooligans or bogans. I'm talking about legitimate individuals suffering and being medicated with debilitating symptoms. More and MORE people are being tremendously impacted by the bureaucracy that supports the privileged / selfish. Mind you the sheep take to selfish desires as commodities are made cheap enough to keep everyone on all lvles hooked (plays into self policing/shame and blaming)

Go watch the Zeitgeist series for a little education on how that works ... just glean ... you'll soon get the picture.

Sigh ... Anyways ... Screw those up the ladder who they themselves are living lies as well. Like I said ... I'll put in my submission ... take what I can get ... but in the end ... the best policy is to say FUCK THE MONEY and live on less. See the the system for what it really is. On that note ... respect the individual, but watch where you put your energy. Right now ... it's back into myself and of course my close friends and family.

Humans ... what to do D ... I think more time needed with the trees ... the water as well ... but trees I find better for some reason. Guess I am not a fish.

Cool Rant ... I enjoyed. Dreaming trees now ... Trees ... getting lost in the branches ... lost in the branches ... actually roots now ... down into the soil ... down down and further down. Like a good feeling of drowning ... to drown , drown ... yea ... that feels good. FTW ... let it go ... drown ... drown.

Awesome ... I just mixed the concept of water ... but just drowned myself in the dirt. Again a play on words ... it actually felt quite good. I miss the soil with all my heart. I loved it when I was able to toil, grow my own food without always begging permission. We are beggars in the winners and losers society. I also miss the hard core poetry that exposes like so. I just keep making my own. I find hope when I come back in the form of a plant basking in the sun. Yea ... the ultimate cycle of life. Is how I felt the sun this afternoon when I captured that shadow of the bike ... and what I thought to be myself.

I know you work hard D - I respect you and any of the others that WORK whatever the fuck that word means ... please don't be hard on others struggling in the system who look as if they don't want to work ... it's nowhere as simple as that. Who can blame anyone not wanting to live in this pathetic existence. Life in the west is nothing like they paint it to be. Not worth the stigma nor the stress. The noise is insane, the rampant desire to be more than already is ... pffft ... Those 3rd world comparisons ... Pffft ... you miss the fucking point. Missionary syndrome and fucking sheep mentality response that one. If anything ... one could build a case how some of those countries are better off ... however since the privileged are now picking what little fertile space is left ... is just a matter of time before we all end up beneath baron soil.




Sigh .... At least we have the sun and a few trees left. I think I am ready now ...

-------Beam me up Scotty! ----
https://image.ibb.co/g8yXby/beam.jpg

Not to worry D ... you know the purging process I go through when I prep to detox my body. I hope you don't take anything I said personally re your own world view. I work hard not to personalize things which is why I am still able to walk out my front door. It is getting hard to tolerate people ... but for the most part while I am supported by others ... including yourself and other friends ... I am able to help myself and others where it counts most. Is how it should be done in here ... but we don't have time or space left for BS - which is why I am so glad your still here. When you go ... I think I won't be far behind. I'm talking both in here and in life. Just like my brother said to me ... I am now saying it to you. Somehow though ... when I go ... I aim to do it with a warm glow! Coming back up as a plant ... to be consumed by the light ... Not to enter an illusionary tunnel ... but to simply end with no end in sight!

Dahila
07-17-2018, 12:11 PM
First of all we are going to be on the earth too long so this is a good news. I do believe something willl wipe humanity out. There is not other option.
When you want to help someone ; do not give him fish , give him a fishing rod :)

Imperfect
07-17-2018, 03:25 PM
All in good time ... all in good time. :)

arrrrrrr ... that was it. So much for the 5 loaves and 2 fish.

I love that saying. Those words actually mean something. (the fishing rod example I mean)

Imperfect
07-18-2018, 06:27 AM
To finish of with something light ... something to warm your hearts. So anyways ... my grandson has being going to school without shoes. It's a sensory thing. Interestingly enough despite always trying to grab his hands when he does not want to be touched ... they are not pushing the issue with his shoes. Probably because they have done enough damage and we have questioned them on their tact. ANYWAYS ... I'm thinking I go pick him up and take him for a walk. He loves walking with me. I figured I would then talk him into putting his shoes on at least for the walk.

Long story short he sends my on my way telling me NOPE ... no shoes. I jump back in my car to head back to my home ... pulling over later down the street thinking ... fuck it ... we go for a walk anyways. Who am I to push the issue and deny him what he likes because he does not want to ware shoes. I KNOW ... I'll take him bush walking without shoes - THAT WILL FOR SURE MAKE HIM WANT TO PUT ON SHOES. Yea I do that. So do U turn ... knock on his door. Mum answers. I pop my head is and say "OK! Lets go for a walk ... You don't have to ware shoes!" Unfortunately I don't have a photos of that expression ... but it was priceless to say the least. It gets better:

As he makes his way down the stairs, I unwittingly and softly said "You win." As we get in the car softly replies "Looser" : ) ... There is actually a funny back story to that where the last time he said it, I was prancing around his yard sing with great joy ... "I am the looser, I am the looser, I am the looser" Think of eddy Murphy singing 'I got an ice cream (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfU1LjFfyBI), I got an ice cream, I got an Iccceeee cream!!! I laugh now because I think of how his mum later says to me "WTF did you do?" I'm like "What do you mean what did I do?" She says something to the effect that my Grandson is prancing around the yard singing "I am the looser, I am the looser, I am the looser!"

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Anywaayyyyys - I share some of my favorite pics of our walk and also link an old favorite video I did about 18 months ago. First the photos: (just snapping away with mobile phone ... nothing special but got some interesting shots that capture well his experience)

The adventure about to begin - I take him about 2 hundred meters into the scraggly background: (Already he is high on sensory alert as his feet are just getting used to all the twigs and crackling leaves) The thing I look for in these photos is his sensory perception. I think it's awesome and something I myself like about my own sensitivities when it comes to natural states of being. Towards the end of the walk ... what turned out to be a lesson for my grandson ... ended up being a lesson for me, where I told him that the next time we do it (possibly tomorrow) that I will also be going barefoot! I would of taken my shoes off, expect my shoes where the only thing keeping the bottom of my tracksuit pants from tailing under my feet.


https://farm1.staticflickr.com/844/29615133458_8cc98bd620_o.jpg



Another sensory shot:

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/923/41678262500_b4e71b6c43_o.jpg



Getting into the swing of things:

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1801/41678261720_b788f30275_o.jpg



The Gentle Approach ... Love it. I started pretending to do it without shoes as to teach him how not to get cuts and scratches under his feet. He seems to be a natural. : )

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/917/41678261120_8d7655d47d_o.jpg

Just a few more to come ... one moment please ... Loading ....

Imperfect
07-18-2018, 06:29 AM
https://farm1.staticflickr.com/845/41678263340_d7e8f9e21d_o.jpg

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/925/42769732024_c83112d606_o.jpg


WOW:

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1801/42769731544_a1e106020a_o.jpg

Imperfect
07-18-2018, 06:36 AM
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Investigates: We Love Flowers!!!

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/915/42769733994_942e37d75b_o.jpg



mmmmmmmmmmmmm

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/847/42769733004_5b26fba108_o.jpg



OOOOOOOO ... Special : )

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/834/41678260370_f0837fea96_o.jpg



https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1821/42769735004_363183661f_o.jpg



Here's the video of his first Bush Walk we did:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06w3ppP9Sf8&t=365s

Just watched it ... This is why we cry D ... knowing how our schools break the spirits of these children. (all children) I definitely got to foster that which the system is intent on taking from him. I think my wife and I have done a good job with our kids all things considered. They like you and I see the BS for what it is. I found video once that explained well how it is that most spiritual people are actually depressed. another topic for another time ... So glad I made that video when I did. I ah so grateful for my grandson and the experience we had and are still having. Definitely something that can not be gained from sitting behind this computer or dwelling on the past. We actually went through the same thing today ... Yep ... need to do a lot more of it. That's healing stuff!!!

Nigh night ... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Dahila
07-18-2018, 07:18 PM
Fantastic, he is a beautiful child, and you are incredible with him, he speaks better English that I do. :) cute cute cute,
what about barefoot? is it safe in Australia? Or you chose safe place for it?
I had seen the video already but today it gets in different way to me,
the way you introduce him to touch, feel, is incredible, I am so impressed . You both Lisa and you must be incredible people.....

Imperfect
07-18-2018, 09:04 PM
He was at the perfect age to help him make the connections with that which already existed. For all this hierarchy of touch and abuse that is being gauged to weigh peoples suffering as deemed by authorities, the real process of healing is not only far removed from such a system - but is in fact stripped away by our currently values systems. I WILL keep singing that tune, because I should not have to watch this video in order to experience such connections. In fact my acknowledgement of how corrupt and how damaging our society is gives me the wisdom and desire to help my kids. On another tangent ... is how broken people have the potential to make the best connections. The only thing with that analogy is not falling into the trap thinking we need to be broken in order to make said connections.

You know what I do with my grandson when he comes home from school ... I do my best to undo the damage is what I do. Get down on his level and encourage him to lead his own way. His ability to follow his own intuition is astonishing. All he needs is encouragement, and a sense of feeling secure and safe. One he gets that - watching him find his own way is a lesson for me. I truly hope he and I can stay mates and keep the connections that we make together.

Thanks for your encouragement D - You have helped my find my own way too. :)
_________________________

Walking in the bush with or without shoes is dangerous in most countries. Before we stared shitting and living in wooden boxes, it was a perfectly natural thing to do. It's more about respecting the space your in. Knowledge does help of course. The way you move through the bush can be influenced by the season, weather, time of day, the plant life, animals and terrain. Australia has many poisonous snakes, spiders and heaps of creepy crawlers with very sharps claws and pincers. Walking without shoes is a great way to slow down and learn more about the dangerous. In fact - apart from teaching little Joey about the importance of embracing his sensory perception for the healing and growing it brings ... but safety is also a major factor as his traits can lead him to run into things if not taught to slow down. A lot of us need a few lessons in that. No time to smell the flowers. : )

Narrr it's all good D - I am watching him all the time ... I explain to him why we need to go slow ... have to check out the lay of the land, how moist it is, how many ants, how many nooks and crannies that make good homes for all the creepy crawlies - open spaces among the scrubby grass - the stinging nettles, the sharp spiking plants - everything from the temperate to the angle of the sun all affect the hive of activity that's going on above and under foot. You actually sense it a lot more when going barefoot. It's not something you do all day for convenience sake ... but an excellent practice when you consider how we now live.

It's a skill to be sure ... learned over time. He got a prickle, small splinter - I pulled it out and taught him how to desensitize himself by stamping his foot (He has a low threshold for pain like myself) ... then we kept on going. Pros and Cons to being super sensitive. : ) This afternoon we might play walking only on parallel facing bricks, where jumping on anything else results in - OH NO!!! Not there PaPPa! I like his games - a lot.


I think I have reached my limit now D - Having a good day this end ... much better since reading your encouragement. TY.

Imperfect
07-19-2018, 01:15 AM
Polly reminded me of an old friend of mine. Thx Polly :) Found something that I really need to hear at this present time:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqX5IFKYFWk

This part of the video really stood out for me ... again ... Thx Polly! → https://youtu.be/aqX5IFKYFWk?t=396

I acknowledge the ego for sure, and I can respect his perception on suffering in the end of video. That's a hard one to cop but is a relevant part of the healing process for sure.

Imperfect
07-19-2018, 01:56 AM
Last one for the night: This video is a powerful follow on from the above. The title made me think and the consistent reference to misinterpretation through our conditioned thinking really nailed it for me - in many areas. Once I can deal with my current anger and accept it like the anxiety and leave it be for what it is (not be overcome ← per se [not discrediting Polly's break down in the other thread which also makes sense to me]) - I think I can work on accepting other people's preconditioning (without meaning to imply anything less of others for being conditioned ... it's how we humans live ... - ego → personalizing - I wish to learn more about ego - is there such a thing as a healthy kind? Where does healthy desire and motivation come from and how do we foster it without being seen as egotistical? ) - by giving them the space they need. From an inherent trait point of view (not so much conditioning ... albeit part and parcel) I will for sometime entertain my neuroticism as part of my being. The better I become with accepting that ... I'm assuming the less space I will take up and the quieter I will become. Interesting thought.

A part of the talk where he talks about the misinterpretation of reality:
Deep Intuition Vs Preconditioned Thinking (https://youtu.be/Ci8ZAj6Z8C4?t=647)

Hey Ross ... you can jump on in this thread as well?
Hope this finds you well D
Hope Polly is reading ... as too Kirk ... and any one else?
Hi John!!!
Sal ... What's Up?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ci8ZAj6Z8C4

Dahila
07-19-2018, 05:45 AM
you make the little one aware of world he is living in, If it only was so easy. Snakes , spiders ; i know you have a lot of them. That is why my question. I had seen some good people coming back at least for a while . be patent

salvator here
07-19-2018, 10:02 AM
Hanging in there I guess, thank you. Will take some time to read what I've missed while gone over the last few weeks. I'm a bit slow on the uptake these days, sad so admit.

Wishing you well :)

salvator here
07-19-2018, 07:43 PM
Took some time to catch up having been away for several weeks. I can't say there have been any real bright spots, but I am learning new things everyday about myself, and trying to better accept my limitations, and hope to become satisfied with what's up ahead and see a future for myself again. Dealing with some memory issues and some cognitive issues as well.

I don't wish to use your this new journal to talk about myself. Don't worry, I'll reach out again and create a new thread if I need to. Although I don't get to be here as much as I'd like, you are one of the first people I try to check up on when I do. I always remember when you've tried to help me or offer support, and I never forgot it.

I enjoyed reading everything and the pictures of the grain art photos you created, and the ones of your grandson. Thank you for sharing them.

Good luck with purging. I understand that sometimes moving on, its sometimes helpful to shed the past. Easier said than done.

Like the new nickname as well.

Take good care :)

Imperfect
07-20-2018, 01:32 AM
Your the genuine article Sal. : ) It comes through in all your posts. Really appreciate what you just said. Means a lot! :) Just understand that as far as I am concerned, I don't mind you sharing whatever you wish in my journal - however respect your own aims in how you wish to share. This forum is not really a geared towards journals per-se. These user create spaces where we write and or express about ourselves are out of place with there being no subsection as compared to other mental health forums that facilitate online journals. I am torn between the freedom of speech that this forum is well known for, Vs those forums that do have categories for jounarling yet very restrictive in what users can post, say or think.

Some forums have moderators that actually reword posts. Laughable and Ludicrous. This happens a lot in Beyond Blue. Glad you like the little pictures I take from time to time. That's another things some places don't allow. Pictures of people or even yourself. Add to that if you speak with a negative even tone, they will warn you for not sounding positive enough. Those places really are more about the agenda of both forum admins and moderators and do little to help sufferers of mental illness. Great places to swap storied about what pills and supps they use. Not much else. So it is that I am still here.

That said ... now that I have a new user name, (detached from all those thousands of posts) trying a new spot elsewhere might be worth another try. I know I have said it before many times. Nothing like another round to disconnect ... at least for a whiles. I know Dahila would check in on me : ) I have tried a Blog before - but it somewhat restricted in meeting new people as happens more often in public forums. I look around once more and see what I come up with.
_______________________________________

TODAY - Not much to report other than above. Procrastination reigns with regard to my health. That's about as honest as I can get. Weight continues to pile up and my fitness decrease. I won't let that fact beat me though. I have bounced back from much worse. BUT - If I am not careful it won't be long before I reach a much worse state.

Imperfect
07-21-2018, 02:00 AM
_________
_

Self Medicating - Who needs antidepressants when you can have Wendy's Hot Dogs!!!

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/852/28655505347_e349760a65_o.jpg

:) Sigh ... DAY 5 lol - There is always next week I guess. :)

Dahila
07-21-2018, 05:10 AM
P you make me hungry........

Ponder
07-21-2018, 05:16 AM
You made me laugh. Ty.

Imperfect
07-21-2018, 05:33 AM
My daughter took this photo to inform my wife that I was not eating acording to our ideals. It had been 5 years since I had a Wendy's hot dog. Although my memory is failing. It's been like 3 years since KFC.

salvator here
07-21-2018, 12:38 PM
A little in moderation doesn't hurt, I don't think. Nothing beats a NYC hot dog, haven't had once since the late 1990s, reminded me of it. KFC is the least favorite for fried chicken. Don't eat my fried foods anymore, but sometimes crave french fries and get a small one for reward system. Remember when a small small was 1 dollar, now 3 dollars. Don't eat out much. Food banks are really fastening crap (expired cake and pasta), usually skip it unless I'm really starving. I'm getting out of shape as well since I've not walked much, did a little yesterday and got sun and wind.

Yeah, I'm also trying other forums to mix it up a bit. Avoiding new mental health forums for a while and looking for other (computer) oriented with a decent lounge to just chat about off topic. I'll still stay here though as well.

Giving this one a try...wish me luck over there!

https://msfn.org/board/profile/422963-sal-here/

Not sure its really free, because they ask for donations and I really can't afford it. Posted in the XP forum to get things up to date as can be (we've also discussed updating this outdated system, and I've updated it lots since then).

Anyway..

Enjoy your weekend :)

Imperfect
07-21-2018, 04:03 PM
Thanks for the heads up on the forum Sal. I like you outlook to mixing things up re the forums. I've been checking the forum out and there is some really great info over there. I just joined myself (https://msfn.org/board/profile/422966-digidave/) as I'm always up for learning more about my operating system. Don't worry about the donations. Asking for them is better than stopping people from posting. It looks like a good place to learn a thing or two on a topic I enjoy. Again Thanks for linking it!
___________________

Excuse my ramble ... I could not help myself. :)

The problem with moderation for me is that I have an extreme predisposition that is like a hair trigger when it comes to sugary, salty and fried foods. Even the bread and other simple carb foods set me off. There is no such thing as opening a large bag of corn chips and then putting them away for later. I wont stop until the entire bad is consumed and then I will either pull out ice cream from the freezer or go for a drive and buy some more if it's all gone. That's pretty much my story. For now I am blaming my daughter. lol - Seriously thought ... it is hard for me now that she is living here. Mostly because the smell of those kind of foods also trigger me. When she walks in through the front door coming from he trip to the shop, I can smell the food she has before the cooking begins. All that said ... I'm doing well enough. :) The pros and cons of eating clean whilst living with others. My past addictions and the extent to which I abused myself has left me quite disabled in the arena of Junk Foods. When I am seen eating such foods, it usually means I am not doing well. I am just thankful I can still have a joke about it without completely caving in. I know what it is like to struggle walking; back when in the days when I was on my meds.

Fried chicken - It is the ultimate high for me but I know if I start on that I will just end up dead. On the surface it seems like a good way to go ... I might even come back for more. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/halloween/zombie-hand.gif


Yea ... even here they are making all the junk cheaper. The Food Banks ... LOL ... Don't get me started on that. hahahahahahahahaaaaahahaaaa Actually it's no big deal ... is just what it is ... Point and Case about Societies Value System. Food Bank Typically = JUNK FOOD and when it's not ... they write up a humanitarian story. AAAAAWWWWW look at us ... we feeding the poor real food. God Bless and Yadda yadda - expectation follow with all kind of prescriptions for success ... it's all their fault and so on. They did have some veggies in one of the last boxes I saw (sometime I go for a look at the opp shop just to see what shit they are palming off) was not even fit for pigs. I've done better picking food out of bins! To think the place I looked SELLS that shit. Go figure.

I'm glad you don't fall for the FOOD BANK story and all it's associated ideals. There are times my daughter gets desperate and I will drive her from one place to the other. In fact I have taught my kids how to access such services when they are in need. We did it quite a bit when living in and out of public housing. The qualtiy of service and demeaning process has done more to keep most of the working, yet they too complain not unlike when I did when I was in prison.

Arrr What a wonderful day it is ... I think I might have some KFC. Now if they started handing that out at the food bank!!! What a Utopian Society that would be. ahahahahahahahaaaaa.


ESCAPE THE MATRIX BY LEARNING TO LIVE ON LESS
One benefit of my extremes, is having experienced what it's like to live contently on way less - less than we are led to beleive. The only way I can do it is to cut out all the shit. Is just how it is for me. I am trying ... I'll keep trying. I'm just going through some hard core shit that's taking longer than I expected is all.
______________________

Imperfect
07-21-2018, 04:06 PM
Dahila ... I too am just using windows 10 home edition. There's really not much I miss. I do beleive its not such a hard chore to source alternative tools, similar to those found in the Pro addition. So far as a semi power user I have not had to. I doubt you would have to either ... not from what I know of you. Surprise me. :)

How's your new experience going with all that?

Dahila
07-21-2018, 06:19 PM
new expierence will be tomorrow all back ups on disks, I need to make another of my business account so one disk, Tomorrow morning I will get it . Oh I am counting on you with W10 home, I have a book and I should probably read it it is "Windows 10 bible or something like that. I bring it home, install security software then take bull by force to install Microsoft office 2003. It suppose to run in W10, even they say it is not compatible. Printed tutorial from Microsoft and will see how it works, All my labels are in .pub format so I must have it. If not I will get on Amazon bite the bullet risk 60 dollars . We will see. it is going to be hard work for the next two days or so. I got all my password bookmarks , I should be ok

For one year I am occasionally using my hubby laptop with w10 home and of course every time something does not work he screams his head off, Really my man thing that I am computer geek and I am not Wish me luck please :)

Imperfect
07-22-2018, 08:29 PM
You will be OK D. I am happy to help where I can. I use forums like Sal linked and also Google ... Oh Yea - YouTube as well :)

I use Avast mostly (even that is spam these days) ... Security software imo is more a scam than anything else. I'm yet to look into disabling back doors into my OS ... That too is on the website Sal linked. All the feedback garbage where they say your input helps them to make a better OS. No Thank you. I lock them all out ... even when games ask that question. That's just my things thought. Each to their own. My internet connection is too slow at any rate to allow all the data going backwards and forwards.

You got any nice desktop backgrounds Dahila? You could use an animated one on your new machine without drawing too much resources. I might actually look for one a bit later myself.


Despite the cold nights the days are still warm - the dandelions seem to be cycling well:
https://farm1.staticflickr.com/837/41772107280_12b62941c6_z.jpg --- https://farm1.staticflickr.com/941/41772106540_9eaaea6999_z.jpg

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/845/43533368822_1449758966_o.jpg

salvator here
07-22-2018, 09:27 PM
Good luck with Windows 10, looks like fun, someday I'll be using it, I'm sure. For now, I'm working with what I got. Already posted some there and learning from reading. Amazing the amount of other folks trying to update old machines. Some even trying to still update Windows 98, hey.. why not I guess, seems like a hobby to some. Sort of cracks me up to read (regarding Windows 10), either people love it, or hate it. There are threads dedicated to both views. Wonder if there is any such a thing as privacy anymore with Windows anyway. Same here with internet speed, it seems really busy and too much running in the background. Must use up so much bandwidth.

Besides, I have other things I would like so spend money on, new clothes HA!! Talk about recycling things form the past here LOL :D

Had so much I was going to write here and went blank. I wouldn't say I feel at ease or calm, sometimes I feel I'm on shaky ground still, but keep things simple as can during these times.

I'm hardly a computer geek either Dahila, backups are so important when messing around with things. Hope you keep good backups so if things don't go well, you can go back to previous working system.

Hope all is well otherwise and in other aspects and it was great to see you over there D.

Take care :)

Imperfect
07-23-2018, 06:17 AM
Whatever you Operating System guys ... try this for your desktop Wallpaper:

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/916/41780106260_33c51a896f_o.jpg (https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/41780106260/sizes/o/)

salvator here
07-23-2018, 01:37 PM
Beautiful pictures here!

Isn't funny that nature never disappoints us, when I do get out (got out for a bit today YAY!!), I always try to listen to nature, feel the sun and wind, sometimes when loneliness crosses my mind as could be that cause of feeling unrest/sadness, I usually realize its something else. Right now I could be right there under that waterfall and not feel lonely at all by myself.

Hope the day is going well so far for everyone.

Take care :)

Imperfect
07-23-2018, 02:28 PM
That's awesome Sal. I can really appreciate just how difficult it can be to get of for a bit. Whilst for some people finding a bit of nature is becoming a harder task, even a lone tree in a park will do me. It's better than no tree. :) Your right sal. After reading your words I too felt my despair subside. Solitude is not so bad once you can pick up on good energy and allow healing to take place. Nature is certainly good for that. However I don't do so well without any contact at all. My turning back to nature of late is one part ( a big one I hope) of several.

My day could not of started better Sal. I spent the better part of last night in a state looking for the other half of a very expensive Bluetooth ear bud set. I think the issue more about how I had become so dependent on it. I tried thinking about that fact + the money and in the end decided like most the things we cling to in life; I would do well just to give all that up. Waking up this morning I did remember it but thought "Oh Well" I could do without jamming things in my ears and also without my phone point blank. I again thought about all the other crap I am currently in a spin about and thought I should give that up to, just like the missing ear bud. I then slip into some warm clothes but as I put on my slippers, I feel this lump under my left toe . I take off the slipper and put my hand in to retrieve guess wha? The missing ear bud. I had prevoiusly found the other in me bed sheets. The missing one must of off the side of my bed.

I was unsure whether to sing or cry. I just went through all that to give the damn thing up! : )

Hope you continue having a cruisey day.

I'll take care. Thx Sal. :)

Dahila
07-23-2018, 05:10 PM
I am exausted, like 3 hours trying to set up the email, two hours with my ISP on phone but it is working. almost everything installed

Imperfect
07-23-2018, 06:30 PM
Yep - I know that feeling well D - After setting up your operating system and most important software just the way you like it. Glad your nearing the end ... Don't forget the wallpaper above :)

I bet your system is all neat and tidy now. Enjoy it while it lasts. My desktop is in need of major clean up. also needs to do maintenance.

Imperfect
07-23-2018, 06:31 PM
I'm assuming since we and others have been double posting of late, that others have been experiencing forum lag of late?

salvator here
07-24-2018, 04:54 PM
It was slow yesterday, I thought it was me. Better today though.

I didn't do much today. Uneventful is alright I guess.

Good to read your postings D and D :)

Imperfect
07-25-2018, 03:55 AM
Hi Sal. Slow can be a good thing for me, with the way my mind has been racing of late. It's good to have healthy distractions though. More so the energy to do the things we enjoy. Ever notice when we're feeling on top of things how less of a chore daily living becomes? Is a good state to be in when feeling like that. That's my main reason for trying to keep my health in check. I caught up with a friend today. First time in over a week for me. Although he is 'just' ← (sarcasm) a service user like me, I think of him like my replacement mentor. : ) More like peers supporting peers without the need for any system at all. We just kicked backed at my place and talked about whatever. My wife joined in as well. He has turned out to be a good friend. A keeper. A rare thing as one gets older. I dropped him off at an appointment, but not before we walked for a half hour under the later afternoon sun.

Whilst nearing home on the way back my eye caught that atypical golden light, bouncing of the clouds as the sun was neared the horizon. I was just in the right mood after another solid day formulating complaints. LOL - I parked the car fairly intent, knowing I only had a few minutes before I would miss my photo opp.

I was straight through the front door, over to my computer table and swiped the appropriate camera all in one motion to right out the back. I thens jump on an outdoor chair as the sun quickly disappearing over the horizon as I could best view. Snap! Snap! & again SNAP SNAP ... I pulled off two shots worth sharing. I was sure to actually be in the moment during and between each shot.


Not a pro shot ... BUT I must admit there is a spirit that's starting to stir - as I go through the process of once again ... giving up! That sense it's starting to feel like relief, despite not quite finished with the purging. I have missed that creative part of me that's kind of been sapped via all that clinical text booking and negativity that's been draining me with the changes that taken place within my supports of late ... I talk more about that later on. I really need to take in this image a little more before returning to that:


https://farm1.staticflickr.com/927/42723955385_c542f9a0a1_b.jpg




Below is the earlier shot where I used my digital zoom to good effect on a 210mm sony lens. Bla Bla ... I'm just excited to have a zoom lens once more. I love these relative close ups of the sun. I am happy with the quality since using a low budget lens. Just capturing it in the right spot to frame it in a way that makes me appreciate it even more. I stop to try and remember the distance across the diameter ... something like 1.39 MILLION KM. Compare that to the long bicycle ride across town. Hmmm that's QUITE a field of view to be sure! Then hows about imagining riding around the circumference @ a distance of 4,366,813 km. All that space taking up that little part of the sky from my view point some 149.6 million kms away. A glowing ball of gas resultant from nucular fusion taking place aprox 695,508 km below it's surface (photoshpere) at the most inner part of its core. Yep ... taking the time to fathom all that as the sun parts way is really something. Is how I view most of the stars through telescopes I used to own. I sold most of those to help set up a little venture in electronics. It would really be something to start back on the journey of stargazing once again. I think about that later once I purge more and give up on what I need to do ... before embarking on those dreams once more.


https://farm1.staticflickr.com/928/42910647904_2f3f3f7d15_o.jpg


For now I share these images and thoughts as they be when looking at the sun. Much safer this way than sungazing which I have not forgotten my attempts with that. LMFAO as my good friend camping buddy was like WTF are you doing Dave. :) "It's called Sun Gazing Ben ... it's all the rage. You should try it ... however there's a slight learning curve!" hehe ...

Seriously. I'm looking forward to going back down that path. I'm really am done with Society - Once my complaints are all done ... Society can go fuck itself and hopefully I will be able to ignore what I need to ignore when having to do supply runs. Like I said I still have a lot of ego to let go of - a lot of clinging to greed and so on. I'm getting there though. It was only a matter of time before I was able to sustain that amount of delusion, deception ... with regards to local supports. I'm done allowing myself to be abused. The only groups I will do any good in, are those that have No Outcomes. Pure and simple. I've been living in fear for far too long. I've been kidding myself. Once my complaints are all in and submissions done ... I done proving myself.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Night Night.

Dahila
07-25-2018, 07:03 AM
nothing is slow for me, no forum, no links, The speed of this computer is mind blowing, The display is incredible. oh my hubby made a keyboard tray finally, I do not want computer desk , I have a huge table, The computer stand will arrive on Monday. so I free the space on table, send them to you on fb

Dahila
07-25-2018, 07:05 AM
I wanted to post the picks but it did not work my pics and post is gone so I just send them on fb ok

Imperfect
07-25-2018, 05:21 PM
I saw D. Very Very Happy for you. You deserve it! Your set up looks amazing. Yes those SSD M.2 drives/chips are blistering fast. I'll be upgrading mine to a 512GB. Remember at 256GB you will only want Windows and a few of your most favored programs on it. Install everything else manually onto your internal secandary. It's ridiculous to see people falling into the trap of purchasing laptops with only 128GB SSD drive and no secondary at all.

Yep ... I knew you would be impressed upgrading from you other rattling machine. :) Again ... no one could be more happier for you than I.

salvator here
07-25-2018, 05:36 PM
Yeah, that is nice! See that picture :)

That is a nice stand too, appears to be real wood, or hand-made.

Enjoy!

Imperfect
07-25-2018, 08:12 PM
Back to Sun Gazing - Easing my way back into it. I felt really good afterwards, however I note I was slightly light sensitive afterwards. Most people are light sensitive these days because of how many people are medicated + reliant on sunglasses. Hence taking pills for vitiman D supplementation. However - you do NOT get the same benefit as when the natural sunlight is processed entering in through your eyes. Bla bla bla ... : ) The subject on natural vitamin D processes is huge just as is sun gazing although the latter a little harder to source reliable and safe information. I'd say my re entry into it was a tad overdone. I'll do more averted vision techniques tomorrow:


https://farm1.staticflickr.com/836/28754931477_11cb3678b4_c.jpg

__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ______________________________


Moments before:

Overlooking Fraser Island

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/847/43595747012_f475cd74fa_o.jpg

________________________________


______
_


Cant wait till my next dose. :)

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/833/43642592411_160af4d42e_c.jpg

Imperfect
07-26-2018, 04:43 AM
Just quickly some note's about my day:

Big Day ... Not sure I will be awake early enough, although I would love to do it all again and possibly blind myself. hahahahaaa ... just kidding. That will take a few months of Sungazing. :) I ended up walking today but was in a crappy mood. The psych visits are going very slow, shorter periods than the therapist and dragging on. It seems more like a one sided affair at this stage and I have not been in a good space to be consistently and psychological probed. That said I still feel the guy is trying to help me. It's not often I feel that way about psychiatrists and whilst I have a predisposition to being easily conned with people play to my needy side ... I'm allowing this one to prod some. Once they get too clinical ... I'm done. I don't need the new DX that bad and actually it's ironic as I am now giving up on Society Completely. This latest incident of being abused by the manager of Flourish Australia Hervy Bay office has made me care less about the Redress, NDIS and also the whole process with the shrink. Not just that ... that was only the trigger to give up. The NDIS is full on BS as too the Redress and the previous liquidation.

For those in here that thought I was anti society ... that does not even come close to what I now think about the systems imposed to those living on the planet. I'm just battling from this point on to make it to 50 (Feb next year) ... where from there whatever is left in the tank will go solely into my own recovery plans based on only what I deem as appropriate to my needs. I doubt there will be any services of any kinds that fit into like wise practices. Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin will main stream ever see as I see. It's defiantly a prison planet regardless of whatever deluded philosophy, pretentious manifested reality or similarly new age BS ideology. To be sure there are nuggets to be found within various teachings that one sustain the suffering that comes from awakening. lol to think again on the video ... why are spiritual people depressed. It's a great topic with answers littered all over the net.

MORE ON SUNGAZING - No noooo ... not getting into the new age side of it ... although YES - I do like the spiritual aspect of the same as I do when walking in the bush is sitting under a tree. I've always been like that ... before my suffering!

One good things about presenting myself before the morning light like that is the quick circadian reset you get. That defiantly works for me. I'm very impressed in fact given just how out of whack my clock was before that. I've been thinking more on the deception with Sungazing and have come up with a bit of a summery of my own. The benefits of optimal sunlight exposure through a focused practice with the intent to draw every bit of vitality from every sunlight particle, are so quickly felt, that sungazing can easily become addictive. You can find people online that latest to that and I know from personal experience that last time I tried it. The additive nature in it combined with those of us that take things to extremes can make the practice very dangerous indeed! BUT - I know that ... I also know a lot more about it as well. Enough to practice it again within the bounds of sensibility ... LOL ... now thinking about my camping buddy's reaction when he found out about this little tool from my box of recovery practices.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz z YAWNS ...

I think tomorrow I take less gear and get more into the full on practice. It's also a great practice to mix with meditation. Just be sure not to meditate when staring at the sun because last time I lost track of time whilst staring at the sun http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/yellow-hd/in-disbelief-smiley-emoticon.gif

I kind of just came too ... and then looked down at my watch and thought HOLLY *&^%!!! - Is that the time. WOW ... that sun is getting HIGH!!! This is where black spot syndrome can come into play if your pushing yourself to fast and too hard. I really have to be more kind to myself. rofl ... heheheheeee arrrrrrr JFC. I wish my brother were alive. He could see me doing this shit.

SIGH ... I really needed a good laugh. Mind you this is all real. I think Dahila would remember when I was making my earlier sungazing posts. I don't beleive I went into such details ... ahahaha srrry ... It's all good. I recovered well enough. I was nearing the age to need reading glasses anyways. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/laughing-hysterically-smiley-emoticon.gif Seriously life is too short. So I have decided to do it all again. arrrrrr Jesus.

Hmmmm ... Perhaps maybe I've had too much sun. OK ... When you said D : " You have healed yourself ... " I have to tell you it was my affinity for the Sun that got me started. But I will point out - I did not start with sungazing. Sungazing IS dangerous!!! however it's not SATANIC like all the anti sungazing websites make it out to be. Those fanatics would do better to leave all their religion out of their blog posts and put more of the science behind the obvious dangers that come with staring at the sun. YET ... why are there still so many people trying it?

Are they though? How often are those sungazing websites updated ... hmmmm ... not much is the answer as far as I can tell. Another question that comes to my mind is " Where are the older folk giving this a go? ... scratches head ... hmmm ... I am only seeing young fold with resilient eyes ... hmmmmmm? I've been thinking hard on that last question. Here's my line as it currently stands. Regardless of the psychical resilience of youth and the numbing affect that often has on the brain, old people this day and age are terrified of death. They want to live as long as they possibly can regardless of how painful and lonely their life becomes as we age. In fact it's that striving that leads us into suffering and despair. Let's face it ... there are fuck all studies on sun gazing because no credible person is going to try it. I really think it's as simple as that. However ... that does not mean done under that right circumstances that it does not offer more pros than cons. Science today sells a LOT of BS so it's not exactly to be trusted in all things of health.

Imperfect
07-26-2018, 04:43 AM
So it is that I am not quick to dismiss the benefits that I have actually personally yielded from my short bouts of the practice. The dangers as far as I can tell, is heading into this practice as a modern day human full of so many chemicals, devoid of hydration and on anything but a sun diet. That fact rules out most of the human race ... pretty much most people in the west. Unless your just starting out ... YOUNG LIKE ... with some resilience. So it is that I now start to answer my latter question regarding the old. Righto ... Moving ON:

Morning Light - Afternoon Light - UV ... depends on where you live really ... research Geographics and UV with respect to that. You can be a supper guru with sun beams coming out the middle of your ass cheeks, but that will not stop you going blind staring at the midday sun here in Australia. I am way more careful now than when I first started. There are many methods to this practice without actually staring into the sun. I have no issue with sunrise and sun set ... however even then when starting out as I am once again ... I sill warm my eyes and having just reminded myself will be doing a LOT more averted vision until I get my sun diet and hydration back up to scratch. It's the same principle with water fasting. The fitter and more efficient your body becomes the more able you are to take in and reap ... the more able one is to regulate. I may very well wind up just using non direct methods for quite some time as I know that's quite enough to reach healing states.

The deception or misconception about the benefits to sungazing is not considering the benefits of optimal sunshine without looking into the sun. Having come into the scene somewhat OBESE (Morbidly So) coming off meds when I reclaimed my health - most of my healing was in sensible sun bathing. Genetics are also going to play a part in this deadly game. Not only diet, hydration and psychical conditioning helps or moreover - makes people more susceptible to cancer and eye damage but skin pigmentation and genetics can play a role. So you see ... the more I think on this the more elements play into the whole. Just like with medications and diets ... it's not so simple to claim what works and what does not.

Once you factor in these dynamics and then of course even more ... MORE only if you have personal experience because if your just going by studies and the science ... well there's *&%* all when it comes to this subject. Fact is when done properly - Sun gazing is not just about staring into the sun. It's very individualist as to how once enters into this practice and how fast and how far once can take it.

Although I myself am very much into the escapism of spiritualists points of view I have been very careful not to drum on about that aspect because just like the addiction of doing something that clearly gives some of us a buzz ... that new age show boating is prone to see extroverted and charismatic individuals racing in without much thought where even if their young eyes can sustaining a few years of staring into the sun ... doing it like that will see them surely go blind!

Seriously ... you don't have to stare into the sun at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The grounding techniques, natural healing from nature and circadian benefits of just being under the sun in the dawn and twilight hours are all enough ... watching the sun rise and sun set is a bonus and to be sure combined with meditation is the best medicine of all. I think that will be my main aim ... to do those things in combination and consistently is what brings about a healing and helps the spirit. Pushing it beyond that is more begging for an escape in doing so to hard and fast only brings about the same suffering and pain that comes from any addiction that's been allowed to take gain. I don't doubt there are some gifted practitioners doing sun gazing that get amazing results ... I have toyed with it and know well just how addictive it can get. I will never take the notes of anyone that's never tried it and even then for those that have ... it's like meds ... way too many variable to make any kind of claims. At least none the do not relate to that individuals with a shit load of notes that detail ALL the variables.



It's all about balance - I know it works for me!

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4201/34769966342_9d15ddef53_b.jpg


I was on a good sun diet here ... Lots of essential oils - all plant based - the right kinds of fruits and well hydrated all the time. People like this have natural shiny skin. I'll be happy if I can reach this state again this year.
Way better than the meds I was previously on!!! WAY WAY BETTER!!!

salvator here
07-26-2018, 05:24 PM
It was nice to read this today.

Honestly, really struggling badly here, at times, just wonder what for?!

Also trying to get up during the day (even if to open the blinds and let sun in) and go to bad (or at least try to unwind) at night. I couldn't agree more on the Circadian Reset, I think it should start there. Eating, another story, eating just crap really.

Wish I could say otherwise, just don't know what to do but hope something changes, or at least see something up ahead that looks worth it; tomorrows another day I keep saying to myself.

Sorry, worry sometimes I will bring others down, sometimes avoid posting because of this, wouldn't with my situation on anybody. Seems like everything is in the read view mirror anyway. The system doesn't seem too interested in helping grouchy man (admittedly so) in mid 40's. Rely on distractions most days. Reflecting (overly so) on the past and what I've screwed up mostly and what I can't get back. I observe people so much nowadays, see the looks and body language that tells my far much that words would ever do. People seem fooled (can't find the right words, so just go with what I have atm), they are blissfully unaware, wish I was still, eyes wide open, can't even pretend to not see it anymore.

Again, sorry for this.

It was good to read your postings.

Be well :)

Dahila
07-26-2018, 07:36 PM
Sal I am old woman and I had struggled with issues like yours my whole life. I am asking you to give yourself a chance, Do not do everything at once, you are going to fail. Start with getting up in the morning no matter how tired you are, Get up get outside even 20minutes make a difference, Then go to bed at decent time, next morning get up again. It took me like 5 months to put my body into that routine. It is hard work , when you master this take look at your diet and maybe start from small changes. Always small changes, you have time to the end of your life, so relax and action. You know most people describe me as a very calm person, I just act well .......I fool everyone..... Do not give up , I started to have some relieve and good changes in my life after 50th year of life, :)

D. you look wonderful in the sun so calm and hairy like chebawka (The one from Star wars) my spelling sucks but I hope I made you smile man :)
got the comp stand today and some wires ; Ethernet wires to plug my wifi extender directly to modem, so my android tv box works better, is not like I watch it, but my hubby does. 1891
1892

Imperfect
07-26-2018, 08:23 PM
Sal I reply soon ... just Dahila's PC sitting on the floor and wanted to say ... "D for the sake of you new computer, please lift your system box off the floor and put it on either that white foot stool or another small chair/mini side table." Systems left like that on floor will attract dust 10 times fast regardless of how clean your floor is. I say this from an experienced refurbished. Srry Could not help myself. Currently out and about. I take closer look when I am home. :) just think about. Only a small change required to greatly prolong the life of your PC. Just lift it up by about 30cm minimum will do.

salvator here
07-26-2018, 08:32 PM
Thank you Dahila, I really appreciate everything you said.

No rush, D, I'll read when I get up tomorrow, its 10:30 and I think I will indeed turn off everything and try to get to bed earlier tonight.

rosspark
07-27-2018, 02:08 AM
I was on a good sun diet here ... Lots of essential oils - all plant based - the right kinds of fruits and well hydrated all the time. People like this have natural shiny skin. I'll be happy if I can reach this state again this year.
Way better than the meds I was previously on!!! WAY WAY BETTER!!![/CENTER][/QUOTE]
Getting addicted to sunlight, perhaps you are actually the first of a new, emergent species, Homo photosyntheticus:) I recall when reading Deleuze and Guattari's "Anti-Oedipus: Capitalism and Schizophrenia" many moons ago, they refer to a (sha)man on his walk, at a point "before the man-nature dichotomy, before all the coordinates based on this fundamental dichotomy have been laid down... There is no such thing as either man or nature now, only a process that produces the one within the other and couples the machines together... To be a chlorophyll- or a photosynthesis-machine, or at least slip your body into such machines as one part among the others." Lynn Margulis and Carl Sagan similarly imagine a "benevolent venereal disease," symbiotic algae that would "invade the testes" of male humans "and from there enter sperm cells as they are made." The result of such males' mating would be a new species, Homo photosyntheticus, "green" humans with the plant-like ability to manufacture their own food out of air and sunlight. As evolution proceeded, such humans would "tend to lose their mouths," which would no longer be needed for feeding. Instead, they would become ever more "translucent, slothish, and sedentary": sort of 'ecologically correct' junkies. Indeed, algae specialist Ryan Drum proposes just such a symbiotic merger as a better alternative to America's war on drugs. Future green addicts, strung out on sunlight, could both nourish themselves and produce their own pharmaceuticals; thus "they would no longer be a burden to society." It sounds like a scenario straight out of William Burroughs; but Margulis and Sagan insist that it's technologically feasible. But perhaps you’re there already, and can lead the way for the rest of us:) I could get used to not doing capitalist work and instead being "strung out on sunlight";)

Imperfect
07-27-2018, 02:09 AM
All good Sal ... getting there. Big Day ...

Hi Dahila ... I see better that it's at least got some air between it and the floor. My experience is that high is still a dust density zone where once you turn your pc back on after 'the dust has settled' - so to speak, at that current height, your still going to suck in a lot of particles compare to lifting your PC up another level ... off to the side of the desk on a higher stand yet still remain off the desk. I know how much you spent on your new system ... that black box is the heart and lungs of your new setup. Just saying is all.

This is the inside of a typically desktop that's been at floor level and has not been dusted over 18 months to 24 months. Generally most people don't open up their case - When doing PC maintenance, it's easy to tell at what height people store the desktops.

https://image.ibb.co/nfx0zT/com.png

Heat builds up, system crashes become frequent and strange noises start to develop.

I do apologize if I am sounding over the top with all that - I really am just thinking of your hard earned cash ...


How's the software setup going Dahila?
__________________________________________________ ________

Sal ... Your spot on with your current routine! I am not trying that hard with food just yet. I talk more about my approach soon enough. I am focusing on a new vision that sees those pressing issues no longer in my view. Talk soon.

Imperfect
07-27-2018, 02:47 AM
srry Ross ... reading now. Miss that post.
EDIT - Beautifully said Ross .... beautifully said. I find a pic and be right back :)

https://image.ibb.co/d0xm68/leaf_man.png

Stay tuned as I write a story that relates - re my grandson and I this morning and the leaf man above.
__________________________________________________

Actually it's pretty straight forward ... you said it way better actually. I pick up my grandson from the leafy floor and hold him up under a branch at just the right angle with one particular leaf separating him and the sun. After scrutinizing a number of spider webs through shady conditions, I could see how quickly he focused on the details of the leaf. I explained the the yellow lines were called veins and how they were connected to larger ones showing him as I traced my finger along the lines. He understood how tree roots drank from the ground so I explained how these root like pipes absorb energy from the sun. He seemed to get the gist of it ...

... at any rate your post reminded me of telling the little one that story.

rosspark
07-27-2018, 03:13 AM
srry Ross ... reading now. Miss that post.
EDIT - Beautifully said Ross .... beautifully said. I find a pic and be right back :)

https://image.ibb.co/d0xm68/leaf_man.png

Stay tuned as I write a story that relates - re my grandson and I this morning and the leaf man above.
__________________________________________________

Actually it's pretty straight forward ... you said it way better actually. I pick up my grandson from the leafy floor and hold him up under a branch at just the right angle with one particular leaf separating him and the sun. After scrutinizing a number of spider webs through shady conditions, I could see how quickly he focused on the details of the leaf. I explained the the yellow lines were called veins and how they were connected to larger ones showing him as I traced my finger along the lines. He understood how tree roots drank from the ground so I explained how these root like pipes absorb energy from the sun. He seemed to get the gist of it ...

... at any rate your post reminded me of telling the little one that story.
I really loved that story Dave:) Thank you so much for sharing.

Have you noticed with trees, when a new species moves into the field of another, the more established one bends its typical form to accommodate the other? The politeness of plants. Why can't we be more like that?

Imperfect
07-27-2018, 05:20 AM
SAL - EVERYTHING you said earlier you said well. It tells me and those that are ready to know, way more than most reading. It's better that way as when we connect with those few that know; they make the best connections. I'm so glad your seemingly in a good spot despite feeling weighted like so. If I may say, I feel I am in a very similar spot, yet mean not to assume I know where you are at. Us older ones know the long cycle of ups and downs. The cycle itself I feel should not be seen as an imbalance. You know my take on how the concept of equilibrium (mostly long-term even-states of either happiness, positivity with the seeking for zero stress) weakens the soul.

Regarding the issue on 'the system' AKIN to how younger we blame our Mums and Dads. I have plans on how I intend to rid myself of such clinging.


Back to 'the clinical nature of our suffering that robs us of our energy'. It's why I am not rushing back into this next phase of looking for peace. My energy is so low this time around. My log is pretty much all burned out ... but it's not such a bleak outlook. I've been bouncing backwards and forwards so long now that I know the drill likes it's second nature. Wise words that Ross said previously about finding oneself in the middle; being between one form and the other. Man & Nature. Both are shells. One mostly empty ... at leas when not connected with the other. Take heart Sal, as I can tell you although our differences, finding our way one step at a time as when done according to the cycle of day and night, one earth rotation after the next ... if we can get out of our beds knowing that just a short time outside under the sky during those early and evening periods ... just doing that constantly regardless of all else; that's a good start to healing ourselves. That is all I am doing right now!

NOTES* Sungazing Notes = Lucid Dreaming. Already after one session. Just saying is all. Like when I am on meds - I don't miss the side effects from meds but I do miss the dreaming. It would appear what proponents of sungazing are saying about lucid dreaming could be on the mark. Very early days as I am only on day two. None the less Lucid Dream I have last night. I like my dream states very much ... even the weird one and scary ones. Although mine are not as frightening as years ago. I have been subconsciously working on that. I figure the less fearful I can become, the less painful my death will be and the more I can start actually living. OK ... Hopefully the lucid dreaming will continue.

Light sensitivity ... better today. How I felt as I looked into the sun? I backed of the amount of time I was looking directly into the sun ... only about 20 seconds as the sun popped over the horizon. I noted at this point the sun was brighter than yesterday. After 20 seconds I used averted vision by looking to the side and brought my gaze lower and higher. I would would slowly move my eyes around feeling how my body felt ... how much fluid was in my eyes ... yes they seemed to be in a good state ... not itchy or dry, however a little later the did feel that way. Once back home I ate some watermelon and drank lots of water ... my eyes were fine after that. I walked outside to check my sensitivity and to my surprise, it was much better than it would normally be before I commenced sungazing. Generally I am light sensitive from being inside for so many weeks / months. After my little test, I put my cap back on which I now ware instead of using sunglasses. Sunglasses are not imo healthy for me. They cut out much of the sun that I require through my eyes. The downside of Waring sunglasses is not popularly advertised on the net. In snow and becah conditions where reflected light is overly bright then yes ... time of day perhaps ... but no at the rate main stream users ware them ... at that rate what I have learned and trialed for myself, overuse of sunglasses results in light sensitivity like over use of medications. Alas ... people become reliant on them. My disclaimer here is for people with medical conditions. Generally speaking, most healthy humans put themselves at a predisposition by Waring them way too much. YET our unnatural environments to seem to radiate a lot of glare forcing people into such predicaments. My answer has been to simply ware a cap and stay of the meds. Adding to that, using gradual exposure when entering back into the world after those periods I'd of happened to of regressed days on end back under my rock, lest one end up an eternal vampire where the only vitality you get is sapping the life from others. Not a good way to attract peace of mind. :)
__________________________________________

I got in some brief periods of walking in the sun during the afternoon but did not include any sunsets. Thus far has all been sunrises. It's seems to be enough as long as I go for walks in the afternoon. It's 8:30 pm now and I feel like I am able to sleep pretty good. Not as tired as yesterday ... but tired enough.

That's really all we have to do Sal ... if I can encourage you to think along the same lines as to just aim for early morning sun as best you can with afternoon exposure and an aim for feeling content in that knowing we are making good gains in just doing that? How about it? Will you be my Outdoor Gradual Exposure Experiment Buddy? Just note when you feel like it in here as I experiment myself. You don't have to go to the extent I am with Sungazing ... not at all!!! In fact I suggest you don't. But maybe consider getting up around sun rise before the sun get more then 30 degrees high ... that's like being out the door at least not long after the sun rises and spend about an hour messing about doing anything ... but our in the open with direct sunlight on your face ... walking in a line or just sitting in front of it. You don't have to look into it at all. Side on walking one way then turn the other side like your a spit roast getting your dose on the reverse as you walk back or change your sitting position. It's a nice golden light and even in winter under direct contact with your face ... you will feel it warm you up. Yea yea ... sub zero I can hear it now D - I don't doubt for a minute that same experience can be felt over you way as it's all relative.

https://image.ibb.co/nLvvG8/sun_degrees.png

Imperfect
07-27-2018, 05:21 AM
It does not take long for the sun to get that high - when we feel depressed and sleep in ... we miss it. The more I miss those times the harder it is to get my healthy doses. Anyone that gets out consistently under the early morning sun and the same with setting ... is way better than hiding in our homes. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE WALKING. I love walking .. but of late I don't like people. This is why before sunrise if perfect for me. less people and by the time I have reaped the benefits (one yet I have not mentioned) and get ready to go home ... everyone is just starting to pop out their door. My issues solved ... ALSO as the days roll on and the longer I do this ... my experience has shown me my tolerance for people goes up and thus I can either stay out longer or start a little later (but not so much as to be in direct sunlight after the 30 degree mark) (I live in Australia - optimal times of day may differ across the world - that will require research on UV levles)

Yet to mention ... Circadian Benefits Dawn and Twilight:
Getting late now ... past bed time ... way past. I am aiming for 8:30 with 9:30PM ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzsssss

For now I just say when I am able to walk or be under the sky during the changing light conditions when not looking at the sun ... that too brings a sense that's like a calibration to helping with sleep patterns regardless of how active I make myself be. This element of being under the light as it changes and being in tune with that as it happens ... That there alone helps your body be in a better state to receive the morning light as it increases as to your body better able to regulate melatonin in the evening being the reverse as you be under the light in receptive to it as it decreases in the evening. You don't here much talk of that ... but I swear by it!!! I must of been born in a tent ... To be fair it's how many of us lived 40 + years ago. It's amazing just how much our way of life has changed in the last 100 years. We don't live naturally anymore ... anyways ... the good news is that 100 years is not so long as to wind the body clock back when it comes to such natural practices with sun and other forms of outdoor therapy ...

I have not even touched on how to escape toxic air when it comes to trying to do this in the city. Sadly going outside in some places will actually make you more sick. That kind of says it all. Not sure if you saw my post on the 30 million + population of Tokyo with how they jam people into trains ... that's kind of what we are dealing with and don't think for a moment that does not impact us over here or where you live.

For now ... we keep talking about this process ... the simply process of just waking up early enough ... and getting to sleep early enough OR getting quality sleep as we keep doing this process. In fact it is possible with the right kind of lifestyle and as we naturally start eating healthier, making better choices ans so on ... we start to even walk some more ... once those things fall into place ... it's actaully possible to go with less sleep but have more quality of it whilst having cool lucid dreams ... all without having to bust our guts in the gym or even require losing loads of weight. The effects on the brain happen very quickly and it is this feeling of healing we get early on that spurs on us to get us out of bed earlier ... and hopefully to bed ealier or quality sleep ... you get the drift ...

This is all we need to start doing Sal. We support each other hey.

Righto ... I'm off to be. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
__________

Sorry if I missed any's post. See you after my morning routine.

In the mean time ... have a good day guys.

Imperfect
07-27-2018, 05:23 AM
I really loved that story Dave:) Thank you so much for sharing.

Have you noticed with trees, when a new species moves into the field of another, the more established one bends its typical form to accommodate the other? The politeness of plants. Why can't we be more like that?

Now that you mentioned ... I do indeed.

That's an enlightening observation. I might pass that one onto my grandson and a few others. Sounds like a plan. I love it. :)

Imperfect
07-27-2018, 05:47 AM
We talk about Sleep Pressure next. Very underrated and over looked element. We also consider other vital aspects to sleep hygiene to make this circadian reset a success. Night night. Źzzzzzzz

Imperfect
07-27-2018, 01:42 PM
Sleep times = 10pm to 4am:

Went to bed around 10pm and fell to sleep fairly quickly having only just made a forum post/note - from my phone in bed. A habit I soon hope to break. I did dream however my memory of the dream at first was quite distant when I woke. After contemplating a little more, I stated to remember elements of my dream. The dream was very real like although I was not as lucid in it as the previous night. I seemed better able to drift in and out of lucidity the previous night, however this time when I tried to take control I woke up only to savour how real my dream felt. When I did that I started to remember parts of the dream like events that I had actually lived in the waking world as if only the day before. I’m hoping this dreaming experience will continue.

When I woke I did not feel exhausted although I was a little worried at it being so early. When I say 4pm it was more like 3:50. I just relaxed for a while … got up, went to the toilet, left the light on so the light would flood my room a little as I lay back down and continued to adjust.

If anything this tells me I need to get more serious with a routine. In bed by 8:30pm previously worked really well for me. This means winding down by 7:30pm on my PC … look to get off it or start watching something relaxing relative for me. Realistically for now best to get off it by 8:00PM. 8:30pm in bed allows me to then read as I begin the process of stop using my phone for things like youtube in my bed. Reading does tire me as I have strong dyslexic traits. I could listen to something … however I find that winds my up. I really think shutting off auditory sensors is a big thing for me with regards to the winding down phase.
__________________________________________________ __

SO:

Get of PC by 800:pm
In bed by 8:30pm
Read till 9:00pm
Sleep!

Wake … hmmm 5AM = 8 hours sleep.

These times are just a loose guide ... not going to get too rigid just yet ... the process is on par though and it seems to be working ... at least the outdoor exposure with my will to make these notes and set a goal which is mostly to reconnect with myself. I don't want to alienated anyone so will eave that at that. lol ... At least not yet. I'll call for the aliens to take me away later.
____________________________________________

Sounds like a plan. It’s been some time since I have slept 8 hours straight. My experience tells me there are many signals we take for granted that I am going to have to trigger in order to make those 8 hours’ quality sleep. If I do it right it should mean if I end up doing less … I should still be right. That’s another story that relates to physical conditioning as to Sleep Pressure yet I am still to fully fathom. The difference between it and Wake Drive. Then of course the environmental factors in a world that’s negatively impacted that and a number of other sleep signals. Hmmm – I’ll just keep working on the basics with my circadian rhythm combined with stress reduction techniques that relate to me.

I’m also aiming to be at least 4 hours a day outside under optimal daylight conditions. Not counting pre-dawn or twilight exposure as previously mentioned in another post. In fat having just mention that … I’m off now to find my spot before the sun comes up.

Today I will also do a little more physical exertion … but not too much. I’m just eating sensibly for now. Not striving hard in that dept. Just being sure to include lots of water and fruits regardless of my less favourable choices.

Imperfect
07-27-2018, 07:04 PM
Today's Sunrise:

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/930/29812109358_b7e2bebb2a_h.jpg

Imperfect
07-28-2018, 04:19 AM
Time for a cuppa then off to bed. :) hehe ... words fail ... I laugh instead. I'm thinking about jumping back on the meditation bandwagon. Hopefully I can stay in it longer this time. I have not yet combined the sungazing with it. Tomorrow I make a start. I'm impressed that I have managed to drag myself out of bed for three sunrises in a row. I even went out this afternoon to wind down as previously described.

Hope you guys are as well as can be. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz z

Edit ... I am tempted to ramble out a video that details well this prison planet ... but more so how we create our own realities. ← OR escape the one we're in! Has been a whiles since I posted on that. Sigh ... Smiles big time on that. Perhaps the dreams will do for now ... then perhaps I will just link the video I am talking about. More for the gleaning. The concepts within work for the most part for me ... you can change what it is that you wish to beleive ... beleive being a failed word for me, but the direction in which it takes works well enough in the following vid.

Time lines ... yea that was it. It's not new age, but it is way off for most folk. I don't necessarily entertain the alien anthology ... it comes down to what you wan't to beleive. I really like the way this guy exposes how people just want to beleive what others beleive or how it is that they want others to beleive as they do ... yadda yadda ...

Me ... I won't say I don't care what others think ... because I do in as much as I would like to be connected with like minded individuals looking for their true selves ... BUT I don't mind if others think the concepts I am gleaning ... or the reality I am painting is not for them ... in fact I know most people recoil from anything that is different to their rigid conditioning ...

OK BED TIME - Here is that Vid ... Keep an open mind:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuEN0caslZ8

rosspark
07-28-2018, 05:17 AM
There has always been something somewhat attractive about Gnosticism's core tenet that material creation was a cosmic accident, hence the absurd and cruel nature of life. If it reflects any scientific truth, the earth is captured in the solar system, an organic planet trapped in an inorganic system of celestial mechanics. Medieval art depicted the encircling bands of the planetary orbits as an armillary sphere. However, to the Gnostics this image did not suggest the crude dichotomy of spirit imprisoned in matter. Rather, it represented the way that humanity on earth can be constricted and imprisoned in false concepts or mental conditioning, effectively "barred" from knowing its true origins or its innate divine powers. In this view, the conception of a neat geometrical and hierarchical cosmos can be considered as a false archetype reflecting the Archon construction and not the true dynamics of the universe. If the Gnostics were right, we ought to be able to conceive life on earth in unique terms, including the sun and moon to make a triadic set-up, but independent of the rest of the solar system. In fact, this is the prevailing tendency of James Lovelock's Gaia hypothesis introduced in the early 1970s.

So, the Gnostic image of a prison planet indicates something more subtle than "spirit trapped in matter." Mental self-blocking is a risk for our species due to the complexity of our cerebral evolution, which exceeds other animals. We can mistake maps and models for reality, blinding us to the natural world and our place in it. Gnostics said that the Archons excel in simulation. They lend an insidious spin to our self-blocking, but they do not cause it. They are, in effect, accessories to us in going astray from true potential endowed in us by the Aeons, the genuine gods. The more we yield to the psychic influence of the Archons, the more deviant we become.

The surviving texts constantly emphasise that the main power of the Archons is simulation, as mentioned above. They can imitate, fake and pretend, but they lack the imagination and intention for true creativity. Humans, however, are gifted with nous, the spark of divine intelligence, and epinoia, the power of creative imagination. Nous is not imprisoned in matter, but it can be suppressed by the Archontic influence. The prison is one we construct for ourselves when we fail to develop our divine potential and, so failing, turn the natural world into "hell on earth."

The Gnostic prison metaphor does not warn about a divine immaterial spark entrapped in matter, but about the genius of human intelligence (nous), obscured and oppressed by a fake higher power. The Archon pretenders may be imagined to inhabit and travel in outer space, but more importantly, they are part of our mental field because the earth is captured in their domain, the planetary field. The twelve or seven zones of imprisonment described by the Gnostics are reflected in the layered conditioning of human minds. Humanity will play out its conditioned responses in a blind, self-destructive way, unless it asserts its primary bond to the living planet.

The images of the prison planet and the medieval armillary sphere both call to mind a maze with circling paths. The maze of the extraterrestrial tricksters resembles a computer game where players have to fight demonic adversaries and work through levels (so now you see how The Matrix is really Gnosticism reborn). Shifting through the levels of the game, players use passwords, exactly as seen in the Archon test of the planetary spheres. The Gnostic teacher supplies the student with passwords and magical gestures for getting past the Archon gatekeepers at each level. In many aspects of life, especially in the realms of technology and media, humans are confronted with a maze-like array of lures and ruses calculated to draw the species into artificiality, dependence on information and high-tech prosthetics, and blind excess. Even if it is only taken for a metaphor, without considering Archons to be self-existing other-dimensional entities of a predatory type, the Gnostic prison scenario reveals a lot about the way humans can be entrapped in illusory mental constructs.

So gnostic views present quite a few vivid insights into the hardest problems facing humanity today, and even point to solutions or ways of opposing and overcoming the evil few who are causing the problems. Faith-based religion is perhaps the single most pervasive threat to planetary security. Gnostics were eliminated before the rise of Islam, but their critique of Judeo-Christian faith as a trap of the false creator god applies equally well to the third and most historically recent of the Abrahamic creeds. The heretical message of Gnosticism is an antidote to the tragedy of the prison planet. The warning about the enslavement of humanity to a false agenda is a liberating message, no matter what its source. The fact that it comes from the radical minds of religious sags who were repressed and annihilated 1600 years ago, makes it all the more poignant.

rosspark
07-28-2018, 05:18 AM
However, you might interested to consider an alternative idea I found out some years ago called ‘Eternalism’ apparently. It’s the idea that if this is a solid universe then we exist in that universe as fourth dimensional entities.

I imagine it as a bit like a spacetime centipede; it would have a lot of arms and a lot of legs and its tail would be emerging from between our mother’s legs, it would have its origins in genetic fluids; its far end would be cremated dust and it would be perhaps, what 70-80 years long. And this centipede-like life form is a little filament that is embedded in this huge, eternally unmoving, unchanging mass of spacetime.

It is just our consciousness moving along these centipede-like lines and experiencing each moment as if it was in a sequence, whereas in fact it’s like a strip of film that, all of those little moments on the strip of film, they’re not moving, they’re not changing – you can keep that strip of film for 100 years and those pictures will not have changed, they will not have moved.

Only when we have turned the projector beam, or by analogy, our consciousness, only when we run that over those images does Charlie Chaplain do his funny walk, does he fight the baddy, does he get the girl; do we have the appearance of a story, a narrative and motives and cause and effect and all of those things. Whereas actually, it’s just these frozen individual moments with our consciousness moving between them.

Now that would mean that in that huge block of spacetime, every moment that has ever existed or will ever exist are all existing conterminously, at the same time. Including all of those moments that made up our lives and the lives of everybody that we knew and the one thing that we can definitely say about those lives is that we were alive during them.

If this is an unchanging and unmoving universe, then we’re still alive during them because everything back there in the past, the fact that there’s no decent telly on a Saturday night, all those buildings we love, they got pulled down, those people that we liked, they ended up dying, Spangles, they don’t make them anymore!

So back there down the road that stuff is still going on and we’re still there. And when we get to the end of our lives, it seems to me that the only place that our consciousness would have to go is back to the beginning.

Eternal recurrence, which was an idea that I found out that Nietzsche had come up with, although he didn’t have the benefits of modern science like I have, so he was talking about, in an infinite universe, you’re going to get the same planet repeated potentially an infinite number of times, right down to the smallest detail. We haven’t got an infinite universe, it’s very big but it isn’t infinite.

Whereas, I found out that Einstein, a few months before his own death, was consoling the widow of a fellow physicist and he said to her, and I’m kind of paraphrasing here, he said “Well to physicists such as myself and your husband death isn’t really a big issue because we understand ‘the persistent illusion of transience’”. And I thought, “That is a beautiful phrase, ‘the persistent illusion of transience.” It’s five words long that say it beautifully – the illusion that people are dying, things are going away.

It’s like if you were in a car going along a road and you thought, “Oh, that’s a nice house I’m passing, oh it’s gone now” and you assumed that the house must have immediately been demolished the second you passed it, that it’s not still back there down the road.

The thing is, even if that turns out not to be true and I genuinely believe that it sounds like it is to me, that even if that turns out not to be true, if you lived according to that, you would have a better life. It’s not like my mum who lived in immense poverty for years because she knew when she got to heaven that the first should be last and the last should be first and was more difficult for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven than for a camel and all of that stuff, which meant that she put up with a life that was far less than the one she deserved, as did probably most of my family. That that religious promise – I think that betrays a lot of people.

Whereas if you think this is eternity right here, this moment is eternity right here, my life is an eternal thing. How do I want to live it? If I’m going to be living it for eternity, how do I want to live my life? Wouldn’t I rather be happy? Wouldn’t I rather be fulfilled? Wouldn’t I rather have not done anything that I can’t live with for eternity?

Even scientists admit, you live longer if you have a belief system. If you have a belief system that makes sense to you, you will live longer and you will probably have a happier life.

Eternalism is a possibility that does not necessarily involve God. I mean, you can have God in this system if you want him or her but there’s no necessity for a God. Eternal life in my estimation would be an emergent property of spacetime itself and of consciousness.

We are becoming, as a world less religious and this is true even in unexpected places like Ireland, America and in some Islamic countries, although not perhaps so unexpected if you think about the way our major religions have comported themselves in recent years; you can see how that would put anyone off.

This could therefore be an alternative where they didn’t have to put all their faith into some paradise that was all going to be gold and marble like a 1980s plasterer’s bathroom.

salvator here
07-28-2018, 10:03 AM
Hey all :)

Have so much to say, will keep this short for now, it started out short but look at this after a preview.

I Took this morning to read everything and catch up. Just want sort of add to the last 2 postings, and then I'll try to address earlier postings. Again, just to be sure enough as possible, just talking about me on this one. You know, had I'd been reading this even (only) 2 years ago, I wouldn't be able to talk without (child-like) fear(s) kicking in and clouding my judgement, wouldn't been able to see past my upbringing,I now am, and attribute it to having learned a lot and (for lack of better) maybe I shed old skin. Only way I see it now. Once I stopped seeing God as a person/living human, it no longer feels the same. This is good, however! I lost something but gained understanding. Now, there is nothing anybody can say to make me see things as I used to. Thinking about bold texting this (struggling with words again...lol) I think it will be read. Walked away from all this with renewed faith, can't you believe that??? You know enough about me here to wonder why, I don't know, other than to say, that is how I made sense of something that was nothing short of constant pain and torture for much of my life. Moreover, for me, its HAS come down to 'blind faith'. That part is something I always used to suck my teeth at, yet here I am and its ok. A relapse should not be devastating. Fall back to old teachings now and then. I forgive myself quicker.

Please don't feel need to reply to that, just me and my own faith - that I always hoped (still do) God is good and love - seems child-like but inline with my overall belief system - I admit that.

Really enjoyed your posting, Ross, will take more time to let that soak in later today. My eyes jumped postings since I last posted in this thread, will read with clear mind later. Sometimes I jump to something and only see the surface, I'm easily distracted by shiny objects Lol :D

Dahila and D, thank you very much for what you wrote, and maybe another time I would consider being your Outdoor Gradual Exposure Experiment Buddy, so I'll take a rain check. HA!! Huh ??!! Did I say a rain buddy there :) All kidding aside.. I have to put things in better order before I would be a good buddy to anybody, I'm unreliable in this unstable condition, wouldn't be fair to anybody. Again, means a lot to know you asked and care. I will do my best to make sure I get up everyday and don't cave in to the temptation (like I strongly considered today, but didn't) of closing the blinds and curling up in bed even though I'm not tired, just unwell. Rest assured though, I am getting all the proper and professional help allotted to me, can't do this on my own anymore without fearing I'll reach that dark place again with only 1 solution and turn to drowning away my sorrows with only 1 outcome. I keep people at distance now. Maybe just saying me and society won't blend together until I make some changes. I'd be flat out lying if I said I partly see it as me 'giving in' and 'conforming' to society. I feel bad about saying that, you see where my mind is, no doubt. When out in public, people seem to be robotic and in bliss regarding their own perceive lives; whom am I disrupt their fantasy existences. Whatever floats your boat I suppose, just don't support the use of religion as weapon, this I see too much of in this world. Agree though, Ross, I see extremes, people either getting further away from religion, or the extreme fanatics. Would hope one day before my time it up that I'll see balance. I always sought out love and acceptance, I felt love, only for a short time and many years ago. Seeking love can be a persons demise, but maybe of all the substances I consumed, that was the drug of choice that I chased.

Trying to pick up the pieces and get things going forward again. Just spinning my wheels here for ar too long, need to see if I can get ahead past this, if only in spite of a system that fights me at every turn. Sometimes I need to take breaks from the internet completely and live OFFLINE. Haha!! I can recall during a time when I had even less and trust me, I was much happier without technology. I was a simple guy with simply needs and desires. Yes, sometimes I feel dreams in way way behind me, but, nonetheless, yesterday is over everyday.

Wow.. took every amount of energy and focus on this one, sometimes comes natural, others times takes work.

Take care and hope everyone has a nice weekend.

EDIT: Yes I did jumble up thoughts. Seems disingenuous to edit that so I won't, as it was how I was thinking, I want you to see that real part. It stands as is now :)

Imperfect
07-28-2018, 07:53 PM
Loving this conversation. Your a legend Sal. :)

Ross - are you reptilian ..... http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/rolling.gif Is cool ... we can still be friends. :)

Got-To-Run - back this evening. Aussie Bris +10 time.

Similar to Sal ... I am going to need time to digest

rosspark
07-28-2018, 08:03 PM
Ross - are you reptilian ..... http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/rolling.gif Is cool ... we can still be friends. :)
The reference is lost on me sorry? Are you meaning David Icke?

Imperfect
07-28-2018, 08:12 PM
I'm surprised you don;t know given your knowledge on gnostics (http://www.sullivan-county.com/id2/gnostic_files/demiurge.htm). Surely your pulling my leg. You know about Demiurge? :) Narrrrr not David Icke ... although intriguing to be sure ... I have had my fill with Icke although still glean from time to time. I think I have done most of my gleaning with him to be fair. Yea.

Just waiting to go out ... will have to replu in full later re my gist on the whole scary prison planet thing ... I do see this world as a trap of sorts ... but is not so easy to sum up in words. I will try though ... I enjoy trying. Just got to watch that striving as that is what stops me from meditating. They are all stories to me ... drama as well ... I am undecided in which I direction I will take.

Requires a lot of backstory to digest ... posting more for fun then anything else.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9l7BYfprqM

I have to go now Ross (waiting for a lift to go out) - but will for sure pick this back up - re/read yours + Sal and reply in full later ... please do keep posting in the mean time.

salvator here
07-28-2018, 08:22 PM
I am something else alright :D

Just from the heart when I write, no referees at all, just as I see it at the time, you've seen me here unhinged and I'm ok with that. I may sound (appear) as I've 'got this', but I fall back at times every day and need to remind myself constantly; trust me.

I did pretty well after I posted and did in fact turn everything off, and shortly will do that same again :)

Imperfect
07-29-2018, 12:07 AM
I read through but don't quite have the state to banter on an intellectual level other than be thankful for the way you guys are just letting it out. Both excellent reads.

Your sounding in a good spot despite the whatever Sal. Whatever your doing, keep dong it because I thinks it's doing you well. I like the idea of switching off from time to time. Disconnecting. Good idea. Sharing one's vulnerability shows courage. Courage that others can take inspiration from. Helping others is also good for helping self. I feel it is best to create our own philosophies. I understand about not committing to anything re me asking about the buddy partner thing. I should probably of said nothing. Like I said, whatever your doing is imo working for you. Just keep doing that. Foster that desire and express as you have been in our own time like you have been doing. Taking them breaks will soon be on the cards for me as I up the anti with exercise. The latter my clothes are suggesting I would do well to do. :) Love your perspective on the public. Thanks for sharing that! Awesome post. Recover and do what you have to do.

Ross ... perhaps you were joking back with me and I did not know. All good either way. I find it all rather intriguing but I am not really into the story with invested emotion. My perspective does not fit into any of the boxes or the 'so called text.' I find it more disturbing how many individuals online who really do not know, have not seen the text and even if one did; there are so many questions to whatever scenario. Just like with everything else I have been saying ... all comes down to personal experience. I have gleaned what my intuition tells me is worth gleaning, but I would be wasting my time trying to reason what that be. I'm very careful of how fear is drummed up to create a new online courses that offer 'how to guides' ... for a cost $$$ of course. Instantly that undermines the story for me. Especially those that sell love and light.

Travailing out of body is real to me. Whilst there are methods, hints and tips that are all sound and valid for me ... again ... claims to only one way of doing something 'Must Vibrate - Must be laying - and so on ..." are yet more signs of the deception and obscurity when 'I'm' digesting this stuff. The entities I have crossed are more made from my own perceptions and having come to learn how fear works in that, have since found power in the concept of; choosing where I look. I have been trapped in the 'proving oneself scenario' is this world of form which has kept me from doing what Dahila best knows me for. Just being myself and doing and writing about the things that work for me. Although I have not yet fully finished my submissions and even complaints, I am no longer in a rush. I know now just how much all of that is part of the trap to that which all the stories tell. They all have a common theme that is not easliy told, but comes to light through the evolutionary process of repeating either the same mistakes or rehashing the same stories. Those of us waking up, making the effort to peel off the layers of conditioning ... for us ... we know each other well enough. We don't require the need to agree, see or play into the same stories. I feel we see thourgh all of that ... understand more of what it between the lines, although being OK with not really knowing ... other than being able to express in feelings, tone ... that kind of thing ...

In that we don't rely on the proof - I know for me this is how I am able to listen and glean from all that symbolism. D helped me understand about symbolism when I we letting go of all the religiosity of Christianity and the impact that has had on me. I've looked very deeply across many philosophies, cults, conspiracies, truth seekers, spiritual teachings, fads, new agers (sew-age), club mentality, the wide array of well being audiences and on and on. Most of them thrive on the same thing when it comes to being right and others wrong ... us and them fueled by analysis and so on.

What do I know? I don't really know anything ... but I have been out of body. The OBE crowed ... well I don't do crowds. Mysticism - same fallibility as the list I just came up with, however I still listen for those that speak from the heart and able to connect with those few who seemingly still connect despite all that obscurity. I guess what I am saying if that I remain open, regardless of spooky shadows, regardless of living in a prison. On the prison issue ... I do feel we are in some kind of a prison. I think those that see it differently ... that see the world as a beautiful place, for me ... I feel those individuals lack the ability to see outside their own bubbles. Best I can say about that. It kind of adds to the density that binds us to this world of suffering. Although we can create our own realities ... each one affects the other. Some of these higher vibrating ones are not as high as they claim, and those the claim to be under them do not vibrate as low as perceived.

Letting go of the symbols after a while is a good thing ... where I just go inside myself and ride with that ... switch off like Sal said ... is how I switch off when not distracted by petty things of this world. The I will turn myself back on and have a listen to the different versions of the same story and feel my way through kind of thing. Each time I go back and forth ... the more I meaning old messages take on. Some of the same messages then have new one's in them. I feel it's different for different folk. Same message different meaning.

I don't know ... but is more about I have remain open without taking everything on. Right now I am working on my new rebound - with each bounce helping me further to disconnect and go where I need to go with my intent to embrace my impermanence kind of thing. Each to their own. Nature is a big part of that ... regardless if it too is subjected to being a slave. Don't ask me what I mean by that. It just came out as is. Out of all the stories ... I must admit without knowing what is or is not ... I have no interest in returning to the light. I choose to see other realms that I wish to see ... I choose to accept those dark entities in the same way I used the picture on the first post of my 'How to Feed Your Demons' Thread. I am pleased that my circadian clock is doing myself right. I feel is good time for me to take the next steps with regard to my body which works in connection with the mind. I am moving from sunrise gazing to just being under the light ... meditating in the doing! I have received the messages that I have needed to receive. In this - I care less for the validation of others. It is time to do what works for me. I share as I do and will continue being me.

Dahila ... if you have read or reading this bit ... TY for your reply in FB. It gave me a HUGE BOOST!!! TY for lifting me up. Also thank you Sal for ding the same thing ... and Ross, you being here is also gives me much validation where I now see none necessary. Your sharing in the manner you do is an inspiration. You are right about the need for all of us to hold each other up. We don't have to respond to every detail, but we few seem free enough to share as we feel. That alone makes every post with the read. We do and we grow no matter the response.

I'm off to do what works for me.

I edit later (maybe) ... excuse readability.

Imperfect
07-29-2018, 04:00 AM
Tomorrow morning - just back to doing laps and then pick the little fella up and go beach combing like we have done the last few days. I jumped back on my bike this afternoon and has a casual ride. Found an awesome spot for afternoon sunning. I had originally take up a spot in the middle of a field near a lake I have visited a few time before. I just leaned my bike over some, rested my but against the frame with one arm spread across the saddle, and the other across handle bars whilst in a stand positing leaning slightly back with legs crossed and eyes shut ... enjoying the low afternoon sun. It was awesome. I could care less who was watching ... and of course there were a few gazing my way. Perhaps they thought "Oh no, not another sun worshiper. Where on earth do they come from?"

So anyways ... I come to after a few minutes thinking I really out to bring my chair and find a better spot so I can better meditate. I no sooner looks to my right and make out clear patch of light down by the waters edge; to the adjacent pond. I ride over and set myself up with bike in same position thinking this is the perfect spot to bring my chair next time. With eyes closed I could still sense the reflected light (within one hour period of sunset) shimmering which helped to easy my mind and set my up in a good meditative state. The effort in riding my bike I kept mild ... I intend to just easy back in with regards to my actives like I have with my outdoor exposure.

The balance this time around has been pretty good. Best I have ever done actually with regards to my current sleeping and dreaming. The days are passing well enough. I still have a few things that need doing ... I'll finish up the complaints soon enough and move onto the submission.


https://farm1.staticflickr.com/942/43706119691_d7b755105c_b.jpg (https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/43706119691/sizes/o/)

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

rosspark
07-29-2018, 04:06 AM
Do you mean the complaint with Flourish?

Imperfect
07-29-2018, 04:08 AM
....... Yes :) One of people that was present has agreed to be included in the complaint.

rosspark
07-29-2018, 04:14 AM
....... Yes :) One of people that was present has agreed to be included in the complaint.
Great news (but a matter of here you go again:( Hopefully some good nevertheless comes of it!

Dahila
07-29-2018, 06:55 AM
All of you gentlemen are fantastic and I am honored to be here, I have to go back and read it again,
I am old enough not to rush like other people do, I was everywhere I wanted to be and I am right now in right place, Universe is treating me well.
Reading your post is much better than the best book . Thank you :) I need to put some time into reading, No problem follow D, or Sal, I go right into you guys, But ross is someone I have to read the posts at least twice , I do not feel I get ross, nevertheless it is fantastic, Reading beautiful language and your thoughts,
you probably have no idea how much your posts help me to go on

rosspark
07-29-2018, 01:55 PM
I do not feel I get ross
Most people never have my entire life. My lot, I'm afraid.

Imperfect
07-29-2018, 02:16 PM
Is all good Ross - I do beleive Dahila included you in the reference to "All of you gentlemen are fantastic and I am honored to be here..."

It can be frustrating at times to know just how much gold lay beneath words of wisdom, whilst yet we struggle so much to fathom them. I D's reference a compliment. I have always found the best bits of information are those that require more than one read. It is often a case for me to read many times over the course of my entire life and also to read from as many angles. In some sense you remind of an long time departed froum user that goes by the name of "I'm suffering" or something like that. He wrote a lot more on spirituality but showed a high intellect like your own. It's a compliment ...

I see a lot poetry in your musings that I like very much - as to the in depth! ... again very much.

At any rate - I thought I would just share my feeling on that too ... I have to run to meet the sun now.

Have a good day Ross ... and evening Sal and D ... Hope John pops in soon enough.

salvator here
07-29-2018, 04:29 PM
Just quickly..

I'm also honored to be here as well, most importantly, alongside you, just feels right. That's all for now, but so much another time to write when I catch up.

Same here, I read more than once and take something more away each time.

Dahila
07-29-2018, 08:10 PM
Ross I had included you, it takes time for me, I need to go somehow into you Today I am extremely tired Good night Gents <3

rosspark
07-30-2018, 02:24 AM
Is all good Ross - I do beleive Dahila included you in the reference to "All of you gentlemen are fantastic and I am honored to be here..."
I wasn't suggesting Dahlia wasn't including me in her reference, just acknowledging that it isn't an uncommon thing for people to not "get me". It’s what led me to getting moved from Mr. Horne's class up to Br. Reiman. If you've ever seen a film called Lucas by David Seltzer that pretty much summed up my relationship with my peers at school;)


Ross I had included you,
Apologies Dahila, I wasn't attempting in any way to suggest you were excluding me:)

Imperfect
07-30-2018, 03:17 AM
I know you were not suggesting anything Ross - I was. :)

Srry I have not seen it ... is it a good watch?



Another tiresome day:

Goodnight

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

rosspark
07-30-2018, 03:25 AM
I know you were not suggesting anything Ross - I was. :)
Ha;)


Srry I have not seen it ... is it a good watch?
It was when I first caught it, but that was a long time ago. Often if I really enjoy a film I try not to return to it years later in case it hasn't aged well. Perhaps you'll get an opportunity to judge for yourself one day, that is if you're a bit of a movie buff;)


Another tiresome day:
All okay?

Imperfect
07-30-2018, 04:00 AM
All okay. I'm adjusting to my new routine is all. Thanks for asking.

Dahila
07-30-2018, 06:18 AM
NO, no Ross everything is good :) , my own children do not know me, and what I think , my partner of 15 years probably knows me the best but I still am closed book for him. I have an impression that only imperfect gets me,
Beside that i love Ross you writing style. You must get that English is my second language and I do not operate it easy. The only time I do understand every nuance is while reading ;)

salvator here
07-30-2018, 04:38 PM
I totally understand..

People online here 'get me' better than in real life sad to say. I'm not that different in real life than online, just maybe I translate better in text than I do in the flesh :p

Yes, tiresome day here as well but not too bad overall. Some bad spots here and there that seemed worse at the time reflecting back a the day. I did get outside today and fresh air at least, worn out though.

Take care :)

Imperfect
07-31-2018, 04:19 AM
Hi Sal. Srry to hear in the other thread your struggling a bit. I'm glad your still getting out for a bit of fresh air. It's really important to keep moving. Did you know the lymphatic system in our body does not rely on our heart to pump fluid through it - the only way we can clean out all the toxic build up in it is to keep moving. That's why the largest lymph nodes are situated under the most active parts of our body (Jaw - arm pits and groin). When we sit at home for days on end feeling depressed and anxious worry about what ifs and what nots, those negative feelings add to the toxicity and our inactivity only adds to the shitty feeling we continue to go through. This is why we always here how great exercise is for our mental health. Although the exercise industry presents new mental health issues which is for another story. Just keep getting out as best you can. Walking and chewing your food longer is a good place to start. lol ... It's True! So you see ... it really is vitally important that we work on our waking and sleeping routine combined with actually getting up and moving some as is what our bodies are designed to do. It's not easy though is it? Not this day and age. Check this out ... this is what I came home to when arriving back home after my afternoon sunnyg and long walk:


https://farm1.staticflickr.com/939/43042964254_084a798deb_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/28zyrFm)

Excuse the mess, but you get the picture. They are even doing it in front of a TV. lol We all do! ... that's my point. Here's the thing ... I am still having a hard time getting out of bed myself. But since I am coming to understand just how much more important that is say compared to 'exercising' I am pushing through with it. Don't get me wrong exercising is good ... but not if the thought of it makes you sick. You think my comparison should of been with sitting in a chair staring into our PC or mobile device screens - BUT - we already know that shit is not good for us - therefore that comparison is best used to reflect what it is that we don't want to do, yet know is vital for us.

YEA YEA - Dave's back on his well being speech. Not so ... Take it more as inspiration. It is for me. I have not been exercising YET!!! - AND ... my skin in on the mend! In fact with less than one weeks of dragging myself out of bed and doing nothing much strenuous than watching a few sunrises and now sunsets - I'M FEELING LIKE I AM ON THE MEND ... I Am. I must admit I have started walking again ... but have no real routine as such other than my waking up before the sun and 'getting in' my bed around 8:30pm. Yea ... I still take my phone to bed but am super careful what I subject myself to which brings my to my next dynamic for self healing.

Transitions ... thinking and feelings as it relates to generating toxins inside my body. I have been super mindful of when I head of to find a spot to meditate with the sun that when I do so that I actually be meditative before I arrive in my spot. This kind of makes me think ahead in a calm way ... forces me to relax but since I have been more mindful a few times doing it now, I am like woe ... I should of been doing this ages ago. I actually used to tell my daughter all the time about my grandson when he was much younger on how not to set things up that he would end up crying. "It's all in the transition" I would tell her. Only thing I was failing to take me own advice.

Mind you though I am still struggling with a lot of shit. I'm in a relationship with a wife that does not sleep with me, deals with her own depression and illness - the whole thing with the compensation re past abuse = PTS ... complaints to finish up re current abuse in a system not much different to yourself ... having to see my grandson go through family court knowing what awaits him (and that's not even the half of it) ... bla bla and bla ... I still have to wrestle the rages and deal with not only my depression but my wife's and also my kids + my friends. YEP that's right ... depression and anxiety is part of life. The more we subscribe to this notion that it's not normal, the sicker we become.

So anyways ... I'm like 'FUCK IT' once more and back on my bike - LOL - Literally. Today I was riding on the main roads in all the traffic. Won't be doing that again as the exhaust fumes despite claims of cleaner fuel made me sick. I will keep biking it a little more though ... just picking a better route.

Yea ... we get so caught up in our illness's. Bla bla and bla. Just keep waking up and work on that routine. Fuck the rest because I guarantee you ... if you make the effort to just keep getting up around the same time and going to bed around the same time YOU WILL see a lot of good things fall into place that you and I have been taking for granted ... Like our health. In addition to watching the sun rises ... I've made more of an effort to employ these well being strategies with my grandson by being more consistent by picking him up at the same time each morning after my meditations on the beach where we are just running and exploring under the sun. As a result he is starting to ware shoes again at school and feeling more able to sustain the breaking of spirit that we know takes place there. :)

Bla bla and more bla ... I have also been massaging the THYMUS Gland with awesome results. Google that one if you wish. I think it's working well for me because I am once again getting to a state where I am naturally doing the right things. As soon as I said FUCK SOCIETY with pure intention ... I have been moving froward and it seems to be working. Hygiene is picked back up ... and even starting to eat better now without actually making it a goal ... it's just all fitting into place. Simply because I have been dragging myself out of bed each morning over the last week at the same time. Now I can see it's time to go to bed.

I share this video about why it's good to keep moving. There's been a lot of posts lately asking 'what should I do?' This is my response to everyone ... although only they can answer there own questions.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=755IsxHM5lU

I really don't know shit ... only what works for me. I do know I don't want to be sick!!!

Night night .... ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

salvator here
07-31-2018, 01:50 PM
Thank you for your concern and advice, both here and the vent thread.

Did get out today, hot and sunny, felt nice in the shoulders. Chased away the (as you say) "what ifs and what nots, those negative feelings" pushed then away for another time. Walked 1 mile YAY YAY YAY!!! Longest in some while. Will be worth it to keep that alive feeling. I'm triggered easily by about everything, as I've said before, make little things out of something small. Looking back now, they weren't anything other than anxiety.

8:30 is a GREAT time to wind down. Good to hear that, and being cautious. I said it would unplug last night at 10. Uhh-huh...ight! Try well past midnight. From now on though, will not go past 9PM reading anywhere on forums. Maybe youtube, I rarely look at comments unless I want to be pissed off these days, everything is political and nasty. Lol.

Sucks all these other things you are going through (enduring though), maybe that is what I meant when I was saying life didn't 'pan out' as I'd expected, but here I am and should make the best of it. Alright then, I won't say should, I go with WILL; I'll hold myself to working towards the future.

I will google THYMUS Gland as well.

BTW - As far as society and myself, I'll just say, not a good match at the moment, maybe someday. Won't say never, just not right now. I see up ahead light fair-weather friends maybe, I don't know. If I go out, leave people behind when I leave. Hope that makes sense. I used to be an attention whore in my early 20's.. hehe.. those days are long over.

Imperfect
07-31-2018, 02:15 PM
Hi Sal. I'm just heading out the door and saw you post. Nice to be reading you so often. That's awesome news regarding the walking. Don't push yourself too hard, but DO keep the regularity up. Work on making it a regular routine. Don't worry to much if you miss your marks here and there with whatever goals in mind, just keep working on that strength based lingo and fostering positive mindsets as you have been + when you feel the need let go of shit in a rant if you feel able to do so without going over the edge. If I may suggest to think of anxiety more as a container that houses our negative conditioning and thinking. After making enough healthy lifestyle choices that start to become more of a routine than a chore, I know that for me I start to see beyond the label of anxiety in deep into the core where I am then able to be more open and free to move a lot more.

Now that I know moving is in itself a second heart beat that moves all the lymph that clean out our blood ... well it just makes sense why walking helps so much. On that note ... I'm out the door. Oh Yea ... Regarding Society, we can make our own. We don't need to be part of anyone else's or 'The One Society' ... My bubble has gotten a little larger to include a few good friends now. I just work on those relationships. Your actually included in that as too the others the frequently make contact in the forum. Just like the way I see anxiety as nothing more than a container, so too I change my thinking on how I view society. We just create our own worlds - but it is a good idea to reach out and include those we choose. Not the other way around. Kind of like, we choose the world in which we live. If I can't find one I like, I create my own. The nature of mental illness leads us to getting sucked into places we don't wont to be, where we struggle to get out.

We don't have to come to these forums as sick people ... we can come here to help each other out. Keep on making that new world Sal ... Sounds like your doing a great job. It get's easier the more blocks you lay down. Especially once you start to see things taking shape just the way your intending - the way you like it. Your world. Thx for letting me be a part of it. :)




I'll be starting a new world in mine craft today:

https://image.ibb.co/gwzS5e/miecraft.jpg

Dahila
07-31-2018, 08:06 PM
Hi guys (waving my hand) so you know you are not alone :)

salvator here
08-01-2018, 12:18 PM
Hi D, Dahila, and Ross.

I Hope you're doing alright today.

I like what you said about creating my own world. No doubt, perception is reality, I know that.

Take care :)

Imperfect
08-01-2018, 04:21 PM
Hey Sal ↔ "Diurnal Mood Variation." It's perfectly normal! The key to this is mostly physiology - I've kind of explained the physical process in how we get better by rolling out of the bed (even when hitting the floor hard!) and then taking one step after the next and thus we start to feel a little lighter. I'm running late today, but I did hit the floor at the same time this morning. I have just taken things a bit slower - but making sure to meet my times.

I struggled with sleep last night myself Sal. I note your issue with winding down at night as you just posted in the 'Diurnal Mood Variation' (still roflol @ that one) - Have you tried just doing basic stretches? Not yoga or anything like that. I find starting off with little stretches and then slowly and slightly pushing a little more into whatever moves feel right for me helps to get the blood flowing. I might even take a warm shower (or cool if summer) before I stretch. Eat a banana or something soft but keep it small if my tummy is upset (although typically go to be on empty stomach) Avoid eating too much 4 to 3 hours before bed and careful with the type of food I am intending to digest. Face Massage (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ezp1YLGXmbA) on key points with a Thymus Tapping (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Niy2KG4C9_c)

You can find other versions of the same alternatives ... Just saying they work pretty good for me even when I don't do them every night. Kind of as effective as a sleeping pill once you understand the process and get better at the practice. Other things I do is organ massages but mostly in the mornings - again just every now and then. I still get depressed with the cycles of my ups and downs ... as is the clinical nature of my history bla bla and bla. Just because you may be taking meds does not mean these practices will not work. In fact ... cleaning out your blood by way of these and other practices may help your meds work better (for those who are on them) at least save you having to up the dose. That said ... some meds may impede which is why I stopped taking them ... just as a poor diet leads people to being out of sync with their bodies. Yadda Yadda - where many of these alternatives feel as they they don't work. I would encourage people to try either way.

My bad experiences with meds are just mine. I wish I was able to be active and create these well being rituals on meds ... but for me it was a no go. For you ... maybe you can get away with doing both. Whatever your doing ... I hope you can find something in the above that my help.

Have a good evening Sal - :)

Hello Dahila and Ross ... Glad you guys are still with is.

Anything spritley to report?

Hows Trump going Ross?

rosspark
08-02-2018, 02:51 AM
I am not a masochist. When it is possible for me to do so, I avoid pain.

It is often not possible for me to do so.

Objectively, I have a good life. Perhaps not the best, but far from the worst. Were I conceived and borne by a woman living in much of this world, I would not be here at all, because without the medical technology that makes it possible for premature babies to survive outside of the womb I would be nothing more than a very small and entirely decayed corpse. So I am fortunate, and I know it.

However, even if on an absolute scale I have been lucky, it doesn’t erase the fact that at times like now, I choke on my memories. I remember things I would rather not. And yes, I know we all do. I’m not going to sit here and rehash the specific things in my life done to me, or I have failed, that bring me pain to remember. Suffice it to say that I have known pain.

Sweet fucking God or whatever there is or isn’t that orders the universe, I have known pain. I think pain is one of the most important sensations in my entire life. It’s pain that taught me that cruelty is an evil, evil blot on the human psyche. It’s pain that made me aware of how fragile people are, of how easily they can be warped merely by the prospect of it. Pain has made me weep and beg, beg while blubbering on my knees in the dirt, beg like a craven half-crazed beast to please, please, please make me feel no more of it. Pain has left me half-unconscious on the floor staring up at a poorly plastered ceiling, wishing it would crash down upon me and just make it stop. And pain, years and years of pain given to me like the only gift I was worthy of, made me untrusting for longer than I’d want to admit.

Some nights, I can’t stop my memory from dredging the black, fetid glop of my life for the choicest bits of barbed wire. It likes to rake the coils of jagged, fanged metal across itself, it likes to excoriate us and I have no idea why. I may not live with the woman I love or have a place I can call home any longer, but no one is hurting me, no one is using me, no one is trying to hammer me into the shape they think I should be. For all that, though, I still have the memories of being beaten and emotionally abused almost every day of my young life. As a result I looked for substitutes, and when one group gave me the time of day, I fell into their predatory web to be exploited and tortured sexually. The shame of this made me feel alone and separated from the other people around me, and I would experience this isolation and separateness in full measure at school when I got sick, which derailed whatever else was left of my growing up. The event itself is hardly worth spending time discussing, since no description could ever capture the feeling of the tissues tearing without warning, and horror seeping into my life… During the springtime of my years, when health was good and the hardships, failures, and sorrows had not yet fully eroded my little world, it was relatively easy to fit the pieces in place. I could honestly believe… that it would ever be so. Such a person is extremely vulnerable to existential confusion if trouble strikes at this point. For me, I had never understood my aloneness, and now my own body was failing me, which was a crisis that took me some twenty years to fully understand. The rejection I faced from my peers in school as a result of this drove me even farther inward. Up to that point, I had spent my whole life feeling unwanted, unloved, and I was then so completely rejected by the other children around me, to be daily ridiculed, beaten, and made fun of. This ultimately caused me to lose a part of myself that other people have, whatever allows them to bond with(trust) other people. Perhaps the only way to describe this is by analogy with a magnet: each person has an internal bonding magnet which attracts other people to some degree. The “bonder” has one pole of the magnet, and the “bondee” has the other, and they attract one another. Some have a stronger “personal magnetism” than others. I seem to have a polarity problem, because I repel people. In situations where bonds could form, other people are repelled farther from me. I always had the feeling I was “alone in a crowd”. From my earliest memories of being with other people, especially my own age, all through my school experience, I have felt this isolation from other people. My impairment was the cause, as I was reminded every minute of every day at school that my physical appearance was not acceptable, unacceptable enough to not merit inclusion (despite desperately aching for it).

As a result of being isolated, I always felt as if I did not belong in the world, and I have never had any place where I fitted in. I’ve always been alone, and I did not form a lasting bond with any other human being. Whatever other people have that would enable them to form bonds with other people seemed to be totally missing from me but you seemed to have the right polarity. I had had acquaintances but never a friend in the sense of the bond that I had up until that time read about other people developing. I read about the Inklings, the informal circle of friends including Tolkien and Lewis, and how they shared so much of their writing and lives, and wondered if this was fact or fiction: did people really get that close? Did they really care about each other? Friendships were described in the fiction I read, and adumbrated in biographies, so I had to guess that such things were real, and did happen in the world. All I knew is that there had never been anyone who had wanted to get to know me in this way. Even with people who were not hostile towards me, there had always been an uncrossable wall between me and them, and I have never been invited to get any closer. I was respected, yes, but not loved, I know that. Not in soul or body. All I have is the memories, memories of a violated body, of rejection and loss and death. Not as bad as some, worse than others.

The thing is, I have had my chance to let someone try and give me a modern Lethe. There are chemicals that supposedly alter the balance of the mind, chemicals that might well adjust my neurotransmitters and create, if not forgetfulness, a barrier between myself and the memories. A barrier. But it would not be authentic, which is more important to me.

Pain has been with me so long I would not know myself without it. The physical pain of constant headaches, a pain so familiar to me now that I only notice on the rare days when I don’t have one. The mental pain of being awake at the pitch black heart of the night, aware of time bleeding out of me like an eviscerated steer, remembering each and every word spoken to me with the intention of demeaning or belittling me, each and every action taken to tear or wound, each and every loss I have experienced. If nothing else, pain has taught me empathy. I have always felt for those who suffer, even when there was no connection between us other than the fact that we were human, because pain does not discriminate. No one exists who will not know its touch. No one lives who will not be wounded.

I am refusing treatment for the damage to my body. And I have refused treatment for the grief I carry with me. If I am in a state of grief, I do not care. It is probably obstinate of me, and certainly not a way of life I would recommend to anyone, but I cannot do without its authenticity as opposed to a numbed life. The alternative is bad faith. My experiences have made me who I am, and despite it all I do like who I am even if others chose not to.

Pain keeps me from being arrogant. Pain is the leash on selfishness. I do not seek out pain. It does not seem necessary to me to do so. Pain comes and will have its way with me regardless of my wishes. I can hide, I can cower, I can beg and I will still experience pain. It has kept me from accepting that the misfortune of my fellows has nothing to do with me. It has proved the lie to the subconscious belief some people have that those who have been molested or assaulted were somehow asking for it, that these kinds of things don’t happen to good people. I have seen that belief, both covertly and overtly, and I know it to be a lie. It does not matter how much you love someone, it does not matter how good or bad someone is in our eyes, they at any moment can be made to suffer. They may not, of course, but that good fortune does nothing to reduce the possibility or to establish some kind of good credit with the universe. The noblest soul or the most excremental bastard, both can experience physical agony and mental anguish equally, brought by vicissitudes no one can predict.

rosspark
08-02-2018, 02:51 AM
In other words, it doesn’t mean shit to the cosmos how much you love someone, pain is still coming for them, and for you too because you care for them. You can bemoan, complain, curse, howl, plead, bargain... none of it changes anything. Some things you simply have to bear, they cannot be avoided or predicted.

Pain taught me that, too. Some nights, I re-experience every hard word, every lost soul, every rent inch of my body. I know pain. More than I want to, more than I can relate, and more than I would have ever thought I could bear. But bear it I did, and do. It’s hardly made me a purer soul, or any of that crap. It hasn’t enlightened me. It hasn’t given me any special wisdom.

What it has done is disillusion me, ultimately. It’s stolen from me any sense of my own importance, prevented me from blindly trusting that things will remain as they have been, broken down the wall that would have allowed me to actually believe that I am ever safe or ever will be. There’s no safety. There’s no security. There’s only life, an anguished battle with death that whittles you away a scrap at a time and which you cannot ever win. That’s been my experience. I don’t shun it, or think I need more. Life’s pretty damn sweet. It compels my appreciation in moments great and small, and the fact of the matter is I wouldn’t have ever learned how good it could be if I hadn’t experienced some taste of just how fucking bad it gets.

Maybe it’s fertiliser for the bloom we have the ability to become. Maybe it’s just contrast, because an unvaried hue is boring. Maybe it’s not any of that crap. I don’t know. All I know is I am what pain helped make me, and I feel more completely because of it.

Doesn’t mean I want any more of it. But when it comes, I do my best to weather it. I’ve been in that cracked land before, and I’ll be there again. A painless life... I can’t imagine it, wouldn’t know what to do with it, and I even distrust it. I think it would be fine for other people, that if you can reduce your own suffering and make your life more bearable, you should. This is merely my life, and what I have been able to make of it.

Imperfect
08-02-2018, 04:56 AM
Hi Ross. Nice to see you again. One thing I like to do when dealing with a lot of unfavourable memories is to create new ones. I have no problem drawing from the past. I see it more as a reflection process. It’s one that enables me to become what I must for those that come after me. In this light I don’t see myself as someone who enjoys painfully looking back into the past. I see it more like an opportunity.
It’s good for others to see the reality of what pain can really be. Kind of puts this whole take on Anxiety & Depression into perspective.
I’m glad you’re able to share in here Ross. I hope it helps with the isolation. I don’t mind solitude but have come to know that I don’t do well when unable to connect with others.

Yep – Pain is sure to continue. No doubt about that. I try to take heart in knowing I am able to give what I must so that my loved ones may endure what they must. No doubt the choices we make, the way we perceive and what we do, plays a large part not only in our own reality, but also to those that are close to us.

Like you I really don’t know.

Thanks for sharing though. Really appreciate it.
__________________________________________________ _____

I went out today to give the little fella some good memories. I expect he is in for some shocking ones given the reality of what you have just said ross. No denying that. Point is … The little one is going to need some happy times to remember in order to hold out during the bad ones. Like I said, I am thankful that I am strong enough to give him some strength. : )

I made another video D.

It’s Season Two of the our Bush Walking Trip. A new updated version if you will. I won’t be able to upload till the morning my time as I’ve ended up doing a really slow render.

Thanks Ross. Please do share the good times too. It pays to keep it all balanced, although I see you made a good effort in that towards the end. I’ve still got plenty of pain left to share and once again, I don’t see it as a form of getting off. I simply draw from the well as I need to. Imo there is no such things as purging it all in once go and no good coming from burring it deep. Each to their own. Thank again for sharing more of your own.

See you guys in the morning.
Adios ;)

Dahila
08-02-2018, 05:24 AM
Ross if I may.
Pain is something I do feel as long as i can remember, Loneliness of sick child ..imagine 50 years ago in my country there were not kids ward, just everyone in 15 room. Ones dying another one swearing , crying.
I also was never in group, never accepted, I made many attempts to have a friend the one you are talking about , the understanding the acceptance,
I though I had, no , huge disappointment. i was hurt so many times, even people seems to accept me now for who I am , I keep my distance.
The friendship you want so much does not exist. Believe me it exists only in movies and books, It is our dream that it exists. I found it in books.
Real people do not have his ideal friendship, they have a stream of dependency ........nothing is free, Pain is a constant presence in my life, but it is much easier now. Very interesting post, very

Imperfect
08-02-2018, 05:52 AM
Excuse me while I share some happy times I create with my Grandson Today : ) Not meaning to minimise anyone's pain. Just wishing to keep things balanced is all. I'll be posting plenty more pain yet ... mostly the How to feed your demons thread.


I just went with low res but I know you will still enjoy D ... hope you others do as well. Excuse the back out half way through only goes for 20 seconds - I'm not very good with the video editing : )


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHWrGAh8gU8&feature=youtu.be

Dahila
08-02-2018, 06:08 AM
Fantastic video, I left comment on youtube :)

salvator here
08-02-2018, 06:35 AM
Good morning D and Dahila.. Bright and early morning, I got up and made some greet tea.

Dahila, I tend to agree, what I see (sometimes) that I want for myself is often something I see on TV. Nothing is ideal. My situation isn't ideal but compare to others that need to be surrounded by people to feel complete, others have it worse, much worse.

Ross, I read your 2 postings, haven't completely got it yet. Could be early and I'm slow on the uptake today. I posted in another thread about "Walking Cured My Depression" and I've learned to embrace the solitude and it makes it easier. I know isolation well.

Watching you vid now D.

salvator here
08-02-2018, 06:38 AM
Oh that is so cute!! Like the background music, makes it so nice.

Dahila
08-02-2018, 08:02 AM
Hi Sal solitude is the answer for me, People make me tired and irritated, We are born alone and we die alone. When I am alone I can think and actually feel appreciation for life

rosspark
08-02-2018, 12:33 PM
Children create themselves independently of us. All you can do is show them they feel loved. They need to know they’re loved. Have good self-esteem. Very important. That not everyone lives like them. Provide travel experiences that they can enjoy, and give them a restless and curious mind. Encourage that in every way you can. Oh, and that not everyone will like them, and that’s okay.

Imperfect
08-02-2018, 01:15 PM
Sounds like good advice. I'll.try. :) Thanks Ross.

Imperfect
08-02-2018, 03:05 PM
Thinking about joining a gym again. Hmmmmm.

Pros & Cons as defined by me:

I prefer well lit gyms with preferably no music other than what members bring with them. Sadly this is next to impossible as the fitness industry is driven with a lot loud and obnoxious noise. This brings me to the gym atmosphere. I smile because much of the issues can stem more from my own bias. Whilst I went through many phases of meathead mentality combined with a cross fit warrior persona I no longer play into that market like so. That said it can be hard not to get caught up in the drama when down at the local gym. Vanity bites! I much prefer my timid side, yet understand well the healing that comes from confidence. The world is full of double binds and this Alan watts speaks of so well. There are many lectures dedicated just to that subject.

Anyways ... despite the major distraction of unwanted play lists being backed up on the gym Juke Box, I can sidetrack that with a good set of earbuds. The offset is having devices jammed in my ears and as a someone who lives with tinnitus it's a tight rope to walk, yet the trade off to that with psychical conditioning in return does seem to be of more benefit. Other ways to negate the trigger of unwanted music for me is to readjust my times I go to the gym. The earlier the better - but must fit within my circadian clock which is mostly in accordance with nature. The other way around my sensory issues as relates to OP Music, is to practice acceptance. This presents me with an opportunity for meditation practice and tolerance whilst I work out at the same time.

Dealing with OP. Other People in general. There surely is a LOT of arrogance down at the gym ... not discounting me own of course. A lot of triggers to negotiate. Going back to the same gym I went to last time and given I have gym experience this should not be so hard. I do struggle with the 'supper setting' mentality where the more obnoxious types take up multiple pieces of equipment at the same time. I've used this as part of a 'trying to get along' where I will politely ask if I can join in - in between sets, however I have been stood over once or twice which is a major trigger for me. Once a BIG guy surprised me by suddenly appearing up close to my ear and whispering in a bitter tone "What d-ya think your doing? I'm not finished with this gear!" For me it was more a feeling of being stalked in a way I did not see this guy coming, his energy and the way he way standing over me. I stewed on it and later called him out in front of the gym by standing a head shorter, up under his face whilst he was busy doing his own sets. Thankfully It did not get out of hand and it was a lesson for me in just how triggering gyms can be. Both for myself and others. I'm sure that guy will be there when I go back and if not him, there will be others like him and I am going to have to watch where I step like when walking through the bush. Sigh ... so why go back?

Hmmmm - Well ... I live with others and don't want to wake them up with my feet hitting the treadmill that I really can't afford to purchase. Even when I get my pace up and do so lightly, even the quietest of treadmills make noise. Then comes the BO. :) So it is that I have been informed by my wife she would prefer me to return to the gym. There is no denying for me just how effective psychical activity is for me. I can not dig the yards up how I used to on the farms I used to work, yet there is a calling in me to naturally exert beyond what I can do in a rented property. I don't have the room in the small houses we tend to live in and being a transitional lifestyle we live, without the means to ever purchase our own home (which is actually fine by us) a gym makes sense. Also the noise I create with weights and cardio equipment outside is not fair on the neighbors as we all live so close these days. I don't feel comfortable intruding on others with my own noise when I don't wish for it myself. At least at the gym I can put earbuds in and make as much noise as I wish. Although I try not to break their equipment. lol

Arrrr ... the sun is coming up now. I've allowed myself to drop back a little from having to meet it every time before it comes up. Mind you though I will be making sure to keep up those sun rise and sun set viewings a regular thing. For now I'm just going through the motions of doing what works.

Yes D ... my continual effort to right my boat is working for me. Must be ... to be thinking of returning to the gym. I stuck out the 18 month contract previous (+ those before them) and pretty much attended ever week. Honoring contracts comes easy to me; at least if I am in agreement with them.

I still think more on this. I have to come up with the initial money which is a fair whack at the gym I want to go to. The other gyms are too dark for my liking. Have a lot of more dysfunctional gym mentality not conducive to my health. (Grey to be sure) Granted for others, their goals and aspirations may work for them and I'll respect that. The gym I intend to go back to has more old people and rehab work. Still a lot of Tycho night glow, drama queens, ninja warriors and so on. Is all good though. Everyone want's to be a star and who can blame then in such a competitive world. It's good to have diversity - I'll be optimistic with that thought. After all we need balance : ) I only wish I had money to open up a zen gym. This my wife and I have talked about more than a few times. Is good to dream but will try not to cling.

In the mean time I create me own reality inside the gym best suited for me. For now I go work on where to get the sign up money and enjoy the sun which is free.

Adios ... until later.

rosspark
08-03-2018, 04:42 AM
@Imperfect: Problem with gyms is overt western body fascism.

Imperfect
08-03-2018, 04:52 AM
Grrrr ... just lost my post. Not to worry. Things are going well enough. Here is the response I got from my complaint Ross:
___________________

Dear David.

Thank you for emailing your complaint.
I am so very sad and so sorry that you have been totally isolated and received no support concerning the multitude of issues you were experiencing directly as were other members and the far reaching impacts of detrimental affect this has had upon each of you.

As it is my responsibility to actively support members when they are experiencing any sort of injustice unfairness discrimination etc within Flourish I would like to reassure you that I will represent you in bringing your case forward to where it can be properly considered and secondly I will also support you in taking your case forward to the Human Rights Commission.

For your reassurance my position is completely independent and I answer to Flourish board of directors only. All doors must be open to me when I am acting on behalf of a service member. Everything remains confidential. Safety is paramount as is trust.

Just how we proceed I will need to sit with over the next few days. Ph conferencing Skype maybe an option if you were comfortable with this I struggle with both however I figure there are other alternatives in place that I can look into. do think though a visit to you at Hervey Bay will be required.

As I need to download your complaint and temporarily do not have the facilities to do so here at home, I will be back in the office next Wednesday and can do this then. I can give you a ring then if you would like. I also would have some idea of a plan. There are so many violations you have raised that in order to do justice to them all our approach will require careful and meticulous planning and not most likely not sequential in their order.

I look forward to our communication next week.
I do remember you David from the meeting and enjoyed sharing some time with you. I also remember your support person as he inquired about your role. I felt it terrific that he was able to accompany you as he should have(no brainer there) pretty disgusted however to see you had to fight for that!

Thank you for having the tenacity courage resilience and outrage to bring to my attention. Let’s see if we can direct this outrage to achieving positive outcomes for you.

Warmest regards
****
Flourish Australia Senior Independent Advocate.
__________________________________________________ ____________

I don't want to be pessimistic about this response. We find it hopeful one. My wife and I put in a lot of time outlining my complaint regarding many breaches in policy and procures and most of all how those breaches has negativity impacted other clients as well as myself. I manage to get a phone number and win the trust of one affected individual and name a couple of others. The manager of flourish might of got rid of me with his bullying behavior, but I have a couple of good friends I have made that visit my house and I in turn theirs. I intend to foster those relations but care less for flourish now. I will follow through on my complaint however all the way to the top. Again - I do not wish to be pessimistic at this point regarding my despair in the system. Yes ... the system is designed to keep people down - WHICH IS WHY I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!! I will be more upset with myself if I do not take this to the end regardless of how hopeless the system be. At least I will know that I gave it my best shot.

__________________

On other fronts ... I have another house for RiseUp to fully setup tomorrow. Thankfully we have more help this time. My wife has been in a good mood as she loves doing this kind of work. It's also giving me a purpose as well. When we go to pick up donations it's a good feeling to see genuine people giving without expectation. Although that said, it was discouraging to find a heap of Bible pamphlets that someone went to a lot of trouble in hiding them in all the clothes that they had donated. We took great care in removing all of those. The charity we work for in not religious and it's not fair for someone else's beliefs to be imposed upon the vulnerable people in need. It's a good my wife is running things for this area. Thankfully one of my friends has gone through the volunteer process and can give me a hand with the heavy lifting. :)

WOOPS - past my bed time. 8:30 now 8:50 ... Good Night.

Oh yea ... My daughter is going to loan me the Gym Sign up fees. Signing Up On Monday Woohoooo!!! It is costly though ... normally $100 Joining Fee + $50 for the Security Card (Plastic card??) and then First month $60 [@18 month contract] - They are letting me off the joining fee because I have previously complete an 18 month contract (or so I was told today) ... will therefore cost me $110 ... Is insane to think it could of been $210.00
_____

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Night night.

rosspark
08-03-2018, 05:07 AM
I hope the author doesn't get drawn over the coals for emailing you outside of work time, etc. but it seems a heartfelt reply. The board of directors will be the issue and if they can take on that the manager they appointed was a bad call. I've never heard of an organisation offering to support a client/ member to take a complaint to the AHRC. If they Skype or visit, will you also be organising your own support person to be present there with you? If not, I think that would be wise.

Glad RiseUp is keeping you both busy:)

All the best with Monday's sign up too.

Imperfect
08-04-2018, 01:06 AM
Is all good Ross. They are independent and do not work for flourish.

Had a reasonable day thank you.

Hope your having a good weekend.

Imperfect
08-04-2018, 03:31 PM
I'm feeling a bit nervous about signing up for a gym membership tomorrow. Yesterday's experience as a volunteer reminded me more about my own sensitivities when around other people despite personality clashes and or personal bias. I briefly mentioned some of the bias in above post but then deleted it because I did not want play into the negative mindsets that come from feeding opinions. I'm just noting my observations in how I handle myself around others and the resulting conflict that takes place within myself when is social situations. Reminding myself of why I am participating and what it is that I'm intending, helps me not to see other peoples opinions as a mere reflection of myself. I would do just as well to remind myself that much of the speech that finds it way out during idle moments, is pretty much preconditioned to a point where people today just can't help themselves. Often such dialog says more about the individual than it does the points they are attempting to make. Living in a world full of so much categorizing and judgments does make this aspect of socializing quite draining for those of us that much prefer to work in peace. I'm so glad I have this space in which to unload for fear of sounding like an opinionated gas bagging individual with working along side others. (Instead I just do it myself in here.) Smiles ... because I can see how at different times, that my own silence can lead opinionated individuals in social situations to sense their own importance being somewhat of an annoyance that only serves to alienate more than it does to justify their speech.

How does this relate to the gym? More on the picking up of body language that equates to much of the same thing. A musing in sensitivities to varying degrees. Pros and Cons - yadda yaddsa. Idealistic goals such as body image to be sure plays into this line of thought as well. Now pushed for time as a friend is just now requesting a Minecraft session where I am making some good gains in a new world I have been creating over the last few days. (off and on)

The only other aspect I wanted to touch on but can wait ... is keep busy. You recently wished me well on this Ross and whilst it was well received, I wanted to relay somewhat how it is that 'busy' is not something I like to be. I mean not to quote as I do not like the feeling that comes from deconstructing everyone's words. However coming to respect other's people's needs. Quote as you will. It's just that this one term 'busy' is something that does not work well for me. Not in the terms is so commonly thrust upon so many as a means to keep people from themselves and or connecting with others where it truly counts. Busy to me as it's been imposed is more to do with control and little to do with the freedom to express.

OK ... that's a wrap ... time to go be myself in Minecraft as I have just done in here.

Adios until next post.

Imperfect
08-06-2018, 02:00 AM
I did it! Signed up for 12 months this time instead of 18 like it did previously a year ago. It was good to be back doing what feels so natural to me. The Irony is I have written more than just a few times just how unnatural it be for us to be using gyms as a sole means fo psychical activity. None the less so effective it is for my predispositions that I feel whole heartily that returning to the gym is a healthy decision. I got lucky with time of day and there not being too much testosterone, tyco night glo or loud music. I even felt comfortable enough to have a shower before I left. All in all ... a good start back.

Well ... I got a reply from St Francis Social Services regarding Dr David Leary OFM. The wanted to the details regarding my police report and advised they will be doing the same thing as well as contacting others up the chain. I collected all the information I have to date reflected on in here, put it all together and passed it back onto them. So it seems some acknowledgement will come out of that. The stuff happening with the children's home is still under process. I have pretty much done all I can for now. The Flourish complain is going along smoothly.

I think I am ready to start dealing with the Redress now. I'll Pick Wed this week to pick those papers up and see what happens. Depends how my other half is doing. Without her I am not much chop. :) Sigh. I really should talk my wife into going to the beach tomorrow ... just to sit and stare at the water together. About as interment was we can get with all things considered. Lot's of work sifting though all of the above, however starting to get things rolling will see us soon moving on and perhaps with me being less of a burden.

The little fella just had another visit with his Dad without any incidents that we know of. It would be nice to here about the positives but since there is no communication going on ... that just makes it hard. The little one is getting Speech Therapy however it's just not enough for him to adequately relay events ... we also do not push him. We encourage as best we can ... I can only hope that if anything bad happens that he will feel supported enough to let us know as best he can. Family breakups, resulting conflict, corrupt systems and visitations lead to an awful mess when complacency sets in. Is hard enough being strong without falling into offloading, projecting and negative mindsets. I just keep loving him as best I can ... keep giving him happy memories to help him endure and maybe, just maybe ... even have some fun with his Dad regardless of everyone's fear.

salvator here
08-06-2018, 11:20 AM
LOL :D

Yeah, too much testosterone and the vanity turns me off from joining a gym. Great news and I hope you find it helpful, and I hope everything with family start to seem more optimistic also.

I hope your week is starting out alright :)

Imperfect
08-06-2018, 03:24 PM
Yea ... It's the selling point to every gym with all kinds of kick ass logos, cliche's and vanity posters all over the place. Thankfully it's dialed down a 'tiny' bit at the gym I go to. It's why I don't mind paying a premium. The sheep are a little older for the most part. Although today we have more mutton dressing up as lamb more than ever before. That said ... I prefer the older one's because I'm pretty much old myself and I find them less aggressive; 'less.' The ladies are not trying so hard to be Lara Croft and the men are almost ready to let Rambo retire. Of course today we have a lot more people trying to be a lot more characters. At times it's almost funny.

Stories used to be great and actually have their place, but today we are soooooooo overdosed I don't think they know how to make a decent TV series any more Sal.

You ever watch Star Trek Sal?

Not sure if you grew up in a period or have watched the older style TV series from the 80's and 90's, but they were so much more easier to digest and enjoy. You got like 22 episodes with only about 12 weeks before the next season started back up. The episodes themselves were self contained. You did not have to watch a whole season to get the gist of the story or wonder what was going to happen next.

Unfortunately today, TV Series are released like Block Buster Movies. This is why we usually only get 8 per season now. Don't get me wrong. I think productions like Game of Thrones & The Walking Dead are awesome - BUT - It would be nice if they did not fuck with what works so well ... like Star Trek and the Star Gate series. They were lighthearted viewing with just the right balance of dynamic that kept us entertained in a way that did not leave us depleted after each viewing. Having contrasted today's tv gloss and weighted episodes with the older series of the past ... well ... they really messed up a good series for the older fan base. Of course you would have to of grown up during and or enjoyed watching those older series to appreciate what I am saying. Again I don't mind a few draining tv series like Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead - but this new age audience is simply too addicted to the drama and is now why we only get 8 eps!

So smashed are the actors and producers (let alone the viewers) it takes like a whole year to prepare for the next. As a result of so tiny a number of episodes and the huge long weight combined with the story line now taking a whole season - you have to end up watching the previous season to remember the plot for what comes next. Alas ... great for SALES! In this light TV Series today have lost momentum. I give up watching or even caring where or what happens next. For my, I enjoy watching reruns of the old sytle self contained episodes and will keep doing so until I can find some lighthearted shows. Thankfully they do exist.

Anne with an "E" is one that works for me. They are mostly self contained eps with a small line that threads them together ... Not a draining saga.

There might be hope for the butchered - Star Trek Series (which is now a long drawn out min series ZZZzzzz) with Patrick Stewart coming back. He won't be a captain though - but he will be Jean-Luc Picard playing out his next chapter of life 20 years on. That said ... I fear he is just being used to win back over the HUGE Star Trek fan base that has been bitterly disappointed with the new age alteration to the series they have butchered with all the digital gloss, change in story telling and leaving us always hanging.

We shall see ... one can only hope that with Patrick Stewart coming back that we will at least get self contained eps. Somehow I doubt it ... and I know we will never get 22 episodes back. I'm sure we'll get used that. Back to back watching is the only answer for me and again ... that's exactly why they are released as they be.

This is old news but it's still exciting despite all the disappointments that many of us have been living with. I will enjoy the 'few' moments he graces the screen but again ... don't hold your breath. What we grew up with was gold - but more so because we grew up with it. Today is more about hooking people up to a drip then ripping it out and leave them hanging until the next block buster series comes out.

Not long now ... almost two years. Soon ... soon ... anytime now the next episode of Game of Thrones will be out.http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/sick/dripping-nose-smiley-emoticon.gif BAMB ... it's out ... then as quick as it came back ... it's gone again. Don't know about you ... but the books are starting to look more interesting. I'm a slow reader so no worries about running out of track. - with TV being nothing more than a weighted chore.

One can only hope:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLvfg6jA_ZA

All that said ... I'm an addict so will continue to watch. See how it works? Although I did boycott Star Trek Enterprise for a couple of years - Just for changing the intro. So you can imagine what I thought of Discovery. I say bring back exploration with species learning to get along and drop all the BS ego. Also a return to getting more involved with the crew and their daily lives. You can still have a bit of wiz bang conflict on away missions and the odd threatening ship pop up on the radar - but this current draining crap ... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ... If I wanted to roll out of my recliner and hit the floor feeling completely drained, feeling as though I just walked out of a block buster ... well for that ... I would actually to the movies. Alas ... it is what todays kids are growing up with. Come to think of it ... that's the fight and flight chemical process that makes people obese. Sitting in chairs going through all the chemical reactions without being active to clear the bodies system out. The more you sit in a chair hitting up on all that gloss ... that unhealthier people get ... and if your into stats ... the stats do indeed claim each generations popping out after the next to be much fatter and unhealthier. Great for the movie industry as well as the health facilities.

On that Note ... I best go down to the gym and pretend to be one my favorite actors. (Why not all?) They seem to be the only healthy people getting about today. ' SEEM.'

hehe.

Thanks for that chat.

Imperfect
08-07-2018, 02:11 AM
Did I mention how SORE I am. OUCH ... I guess I am just going to have to keep going back to the gym till it does not hurt any more.

Lost my car keys whilst out bush walking today. :( - Lucky I am with one of those car places that come to you when your in a jam. They sent out a lock smith who helped me get into my car without a set of keys. Once I got in I found some keys down the side of my seat. I'm not sure if they are my second set or the ones I lost. I ended up walking in circles for most of the day retracing my steps in among the trees.

I was contacted by interstate police today. I will be making another statement over the phone tomorrow afternoon. All part of the process. None of us know where it's going to go, but I do know that Dr David Leary will know that one of us at least 'told oh him' regardless of what happens. That'll be good enough for me and I know it will rock his boat regardless of his own denial. Like I said in my ponder thread ... he should never of put me in that position to 'deny him', now I am doing it to him!

ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz think I will go you-tube some way out concepts ... has to be better than all the crap on TV ... lol ... I was hard on TV land today. Must be getting like trash when I get just as much of a kick from you-tube.

Over and out.

rosspark
08-07-2018, 02:26 AM
Did I mention how SORE I am. OUCH ... I guess I am just going to have to keep going back to the gym till it does not hurt any more.
You're a brave man, D. Me, I have had that much arduous physiotherapy for my condition, I avoid actively seeking out the pain that comes with machines that are not designed to accommodate my frame;)


Lost my car keys whilst out bush walking today. :( - Lucky I am with one of those car places that come to you when your in a jam. They sent out a lock smith who helped me get into my car without a set of keys. Once I got in I found some keys down the side of my seat. I'm not sure if they are my second set or the ones I lost. I ended up walking in circles for most of the day retracing my steps in among the trees.
I hope you find the other set so you can place one somewhere accessible in case it occurs again (as it's likely to, that's keys for you). Hope you get another bushwalk in without the stress.


I was contacted by interstate police today. I will be making another statement over the phone tomorrow afternoon. All part of the process. None of us know where it's going to go, but I do know that Dr David Leary will know that one of us at least 'told oh him' regardless of what happens. That'll be good enough for me and I know it will rock his boat regardless of his own denial. Like I said in my ponder thread ... he should never of put me in that position to 'deny him', now I am doing it to him!
It's about time he got even a smidgen of the angst he created for you, and others. I'm really proud you were able to follow that through. Well done:)

Imperfect
08-07-2018, 02:52 AM
I will turn the house upside down tomorrow and hopefully then will find the other set. I'll at least put in a good effort before paying for a second set.

Thanks Ross ... your sharing and encouragement has helped ... a lot. :)

rosspark
08-07-2018, 04:20 AM
I will turn the house upside down tomorrow and hopefully then will find the other set. I'll at least put in a good effort before paying for a second set.
A pity it's not spring cleaning time;)


Thanks Ross ... your sharing and encouragement has helped ... a lot. :)
I continue to be amazed at how a few words can impact so positively which makes it even more of a shame that we use words so often to diminish instead of lifting up:(

Imperfect
08-07-2018, 02:54 PM
:) I require many. I find this day and age people use too few. Too many cliches and metaphors that do little for context without an ounce of personal experience.

However balance is key and I totally agree that we should do more to support each other. Forums like these are often unbalanced when it comes to scaling depression Vs Acceptance & Hope.

Mostly because one is easier to do Vs the other. Is like trying to get out of a chair whilst watching all that modern day digital gloss vs doing the dishes and or mowing the lawn. hehe... OR ... as is it be for me.

On that not I best roll this sorry ass and sore soul out of bed, hit the shower and drag my ass off to the gym. We think to much with our heads. :)

Spring Cleaning! Good Idea. :)

Dahila
08-07-2018, 06:53 PM
Reporting; made two batches of bath bombs with toys inside , so the day was not wasted :)

Imperfect
08-07-2018, 07:26 PM
That's the spirit D :)

Imperfect
08-08-2018, 05:05 AM
Huge Day Today. Had to go through some hard reflections as part of the submission process. It involved one guy the was found hung in his cell, another locked up for murder, another suicide, a street buddy and a popular young girl. I think that sums of that reflection for what it was. I had taken some time to set up my speakers and near field microphone hooked up to my phone, but then got a call saying the interview had to be done locally. I had to go down to local police station which was hard to do, but I did it with the help of a friend. Not yet finished ... will get a call next week as to when I will have to go back in.

Also today got a call from my new support person/mentor. Not sure how that will go. The dynamics have changed with it being a women. Nothing against women, however from a mentor perspective my connection with 'guys' not 'gals' is going to be different. I could write a full chapter on that, regarding gender issues and how men and women have grown further apart despite all the amount of equal right campaigning with the focus being consistently on women's rights. Within the professional fields, I either seem to find compassionate women OR full on hard liners with a hard edge that are rather combative. I don't have time for the latter regardless of sex. I've always said ... as soon as I smell any kind of clinical approach ... No Thanks ... NEXT! It felt that way at first when I told her in a round about way all the above. I feel she understood I was testing the waters straight up. I'm not to be toyed with. I've been in this program long enough. You have to watch the complacent one that are getting burned out in there jobs. Sadly ... they can't get enough male workers as support/mentors. I don't mind female for psycho therapy. I actually prefer it! But for mentoring ... I have to admit that with today's women ... I don't like the residual effect from all that equality pushing. I feel many overcompensate and it changes the nature of relations. Very hard to explain ... but I fear not being open about it. Happy to further discuss?
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SO - I had a full on day. Please to say the gum workout was really good. I look forward to do another in the morning. Just before the sun set ... in the last hour on the way home, I pulled over at the small lake, went to by the waters edge and took my shoes, socks, hat and watch off to stare at the sun partly with eyes open and then shut. I got in an awesome meditation. Most of the lactic acid from the working was purged from my system. The stress from all those reflection and anxiety over a female mentor virtually all gone.

SNAP SHOTS WITH PHONE:

Before walking off to chase the Sun higher up on a high ridge lined footpath, I took this photo to emulate the sense I got from earthing my feet whilst taking in last direct rays of sun:

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1772/43205232904_60c0dbd487_o.jpg


This is the tree under which I was meditating whilst facing the water and sun:

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/936/43018408155_0030f26fde_o.jpg


This one just before I turn around and head back for my car to then go home:

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/861/43874870672_211b001979_o.jpg

I've been consistent now for about two weeks of getting quality sleep, sunlight, fresh air, exercise and drinking lots of water + upping my hygiene all round. It's made a huge difference. I was getting pretty soft and weak. My immune system also getting quite low. My mental state was also getting pretty fragile. I knew I had to do something quick, otherwise if was going to be back on the medication which for me never bodes well. Thankfully I have been able to push through my notifications, submissions, complaints and so on. Thus far I have been able to take up the mind set that's it's all part of the healing process. In the background I sill have the NDIS, psychiatrist and already said ... new mentor to 'break in'- a process that requires two parties to mutually work through. If it does not work ... just like with my other two therapists ... I will keep seeking until I find one the works. (now I have a great therapist whose been working with me for years) Humans ... what ya gonna do. It's just the way we are. It's not personal ... its a personalty gauging process just like match making. Happens in many kinds of fields.
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Imperfect
08-08-2018, 05:07 AM
Here's two photos I took with my Son's Sony Camera a day or two before:

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1833/42114591320_5962e4aeff_h.jpg

My grandson would love this ... he loves tree roots. :)


This one being part of the lake where I meditate:

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1816/43018368365_23ab6b8c93_h.jpg

Imperfect
08-10-2018, 04:06 PM
Well that was a full on week. I even refrained from posting in my journal for a couple of days. I worked out every day from Monday to Friday. I see it as my new J-O-B :) I've been alerting a full body resistance routine from Mon to Tue to Fri with cardio HIT bouts in between. Added to that I have just been walking, sunning and meditating with no rigid patterns. Food wise I am still relaxed although seemingly making healthier choices all round due to my increased activity and subconscious intentions. I got sore early on but overcame that with gentle persistence at the same level that triggered the pain. (perhaps a slight reduction here and there with slowly increasing effort and weight)

It's certainly good to have the means to exert in a way that helps release pent up stress and the build of emotional and chemical toxicity. Again ... going back to the gym for me was a good decision. The social aspect is still challenging but I know enough about the coded behavior regarding peoples space, attitudes and what not. Picking a gym with a variety of peoples helps to make that process less prison like. lol. There's no doubt about it - there's plenty of unbalanced gyms about the place today than ever before. That said ... where there is variety yet little space, the scope for tension can still be high. I mean you can find YouTube videos specifically on 'Effective Ways To Train In a Busy Gym' Some gyms get so crowded that some people will take one of your dumbbells while your simply leaning forward on the edge of your bench catching your breath counting down your recovery time. You then lean to the left to grab one dumbbell then the the tight to suddenly think WTF!!! More an issue for City Gyms and likewise mentality.

It really makes one think how desperate people are to work out. I don't think it's just a vanity thing although for sure it is for many. Vanity combined with humility? Confidence in Image? I'm just trying to find a balance in that as I actually think the use of a mirror to build confidence has it's place ... but more so in the home rather than in public space. Mirrors in public spaces regarding exercise I see more useful for form but is quite funny and saddening to see how many get hooked up on their own image as if doing long standing selfies with their phones. Don't mind me ... just contemplating Gym philosophy. It helps me to navigate around so many egos in one place ... including my own. : )
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OK ... before I go I share my Ancestry DNA Results:

For now it's just an overview. The clickable links with extra details within each region is also quite interesting. I just took a screen shot from my login page and added some Txt for my dyslexic brain:

→1920X1080 ← (https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/43217011654/sizes/o/)

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1797/43217011654_7f72bff4d1_h.jpg

__________________
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I would of used a different heading other than 'low confidence regions' - but I get the context to percentage %
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Lisa laughed at the negative results D. I am still trying to fathom how you even get a negative result?

https://farm1.staticflickr.com/930/43064011505_50e0472f2f_o.jpg

__________________________________________________ _

Today I start learning the complex PC Game Called KINGS CRUSADERS 2 (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crusader_Kings_II) ... That should keep me distracted for quite some time. : )

__________________________
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_

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1779/43064104995_86c8c58c99_o.jpg (http://crusaderkings-two.wikia.com/wiki/All_about_titles)

Imperfect
08-11-2018, 12:10 AM
I had no Idea the South Vietnam had it's own Holocaust story. I've seen this event and posted before ... but did not know the whole story. What's even worse is how they used Christianity and the government that made these murderous laws were being supported by the United States, South Korea, Australia, Thailand and other anti-communist allies. Absolutely disgusting:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3d6lkeisHFQ

I don't agree with the presenters claims at the end of the video where he states that Buddhism was wiped out of South Vietnam. Is surely a sad state of affairs. I don't propose to hate on any of these cultures for the act as doing so just plays into insanity. I just started going over some WWII Photos and somehow ended up coming across the famous Monk Burning Photo 'Thich Quang Duc 1963' ... I then You tubed to view the protest and get some more info. It took a few clicks as there were so many disrespectful videos with inappropriate music and quotes. Eventually I found a little Doco that showed another side of the story I had not known about. It kind of does not surprise me that this atrocity is not commonly told, given how much of the western world stood by and where in fact allies with the perpetrating government. Boggling that the heads of a Christian State where behind the executions in 1963. I guess nothing has changed.

OK ... back to learning Kings Crusaders II. I'll try to be more diplomatic than the governments of 1963.

rosspark
08-11-2018, 05:02 AM
I had no Idea the South Vietnam had it's own Holocaust story. I've seen this event and posted before ... but did not know the whole story. What's even worse is how they used Christianity and the government that made these murderous laws were being supported by the United States, South Korea, Australia, Thailand and other anti-communist allies. Absolutely disgusting:
To get some further insights into this, I'd recommend Graham Greene's 'The Quiet American'.

As for further Holocaust stories, during Napoleon's reign as Emperor, concentration camps were set up and gas was used to massacre large groups of people. There were hit squads and mass deportations. And all this happened 140 years before Hitler and the Holocaust. He was a racist and an anti-Semite who persecuted Jews and reintroduced widespread slavery just a few years after it had been abolished by the French government. The most startling of these findings, the attempted massacre of an entire population over the age of 12 by methods which included gassing them in the holds of ships, relate to the French Caribbean colony of Haiti at the turn of the 19th century. Napoleon, then First Consul, was the man who, for the first time in history, asked himself rationally the question how to eliminate, in as short a time as possible, and with a minimum of cost and personnel, a maximum of people described as scientifically inferior. Haiti around 1800 was the world's richest colony, a slave-powered export factory which produced almost two-thirds of the world's coffee and almost half its sugar. The black slaves were lashed and beaten to work and forced to wear tin muzzles to prevent them from eating the sugar cane. If the slaves were fractious, they were roasted over slow fires, or filled with gunpowder and blown to pieces. When the slaves began to fight for their freedom, under the leadership of a charismatic African military genius called Toussaint L'Ouverture, Napoleon sent 10,000 crack troops under the command of his brother-in-law, General Leclerc, to crush Toussaint and restore slavery. In 1802, a vast programme of ethnic cleansing was put in place. Napoleon banned inter-racial marriages and ordered that all white women who'd had any sort of relationship with a black or mulatto (person of mixed race) be shipped to France. He further commanded the killing of as many blacks in Haiti as possible, to be replaced by new, more docile slaves from Africa. The French troops were under orders to kill all blacks over the age of 12. However, younger children were also killed - stabbed to death, put in sandbags and dropped into the sea. The Haitians fought to the death for independence, which they finally declared in 1804. Prisoners on both sides were regularly tortured and killed, and their heads were mounted on the walls of stockades or on spikes beside the roads. Non-combatants, too, were raped and slaughtered. According to contemporary accounts, the French used dogs to rip black prisoners to pieces before a crowd at an amphitheatre. Allegedly on Napoleon's orders, sulphur was extracted from Haitian volcanoes and burned to produce poisonous sulphur dioxide, which was then used to gas black Haitians in the holds of ships - more than 100,000 of them, according to records. The use of these primitive gas chambers was confirmed by contemporaries. Antoine Metral, who in 1825 published his history of the French expedition to Haiti, writes of piles of dead bodies everywhere, stacked in charnel-houses. 'We varied the methods of execution,' wrote Metral. 'At times, we pulled heads off; sometimes a ball and chain was put at the feet to allow drowning; sometimes they were gassed in the ships by sulphur. When the cover of night was used to hide these outrages, those walking along the river could hear the noisy monotone of dead bodies being dropped into the sea. A contemporary historian, who sailed with the punitive expedition, wrote that: 'We invented another type of ship where victims of both sexes were piled up, one against the other, suffocated by sulphur.' These were prison ships with gas chambers called etouffiers, or 'chokers', which asphyxiated the blacks, causing them terrible suffering. Even at the time, there were French naval officers who were appalled at this savagery, claiming they would rather have braved a court martial than have forgotten the laws of humanity. But from the Emperor's point of view, gassing was a way of cutting costs. Ships continued to transport prisoners out to sea to drown them, but corpses kept being washed up on beaches or tangled in ships' hulls. Toussaint, who called himself the Black Napoleon, was kidnapped after accepting an invitation to parlay with a French general and shipped back to France in chains, where he died of pneumonia after being imprisoned in a cold stone vault. Guadeloupe, an island to the east, suffered a similar fate to Haiti's. Once again choosing not to recognise France's abolition of slavery, Napoleon in 1802 promoted a comrade of his, Antoine Riche-panse, to the rank of General, and sent him with an expeditionary force of 3,000 men to put down a slave revolt on the island. During his purge, General Richepanse slaughtered any men, women and children he encountered on his route to the capital. Then he worked through a plan of extermination apparently approved by the First Consul. A military commission was set up to give what followed a veneer of legality. Some 250 'rebels' were shot in Guadeloupe's Victory Square. Another 500 were herded down to the beach and shot there. Richepanse and Lacrosse, the former colonial governor now restored to power, thought of piling up the dead in vast mounds to intimidate the islanders, but gave up the plan for fear of starting a disease epidemic. Instead, using a technique which the French were to copy during the Algerian War, they sent death squads into every part of Guadeloupe to track down farmers who were absent from their homes. These men were treated as rebels. A bounty was promised for each black man captured, and the rebels were summarily shot or hanged. The ferocity of the repression sparked another uprising, which Lacrosse subdued with the most barbarous methods yet. 'Being hung is not enough for the crimes they have committed,' he said. 'It is necessary to cut them down alive and let them expire on the wheel [prisoners were bound to a cart wheel before having their arms and legs smashed with cudgels]. The jails are already full: it is necessary to empty them as quickly as possible.' In this he was successful, hanging, garotting and burning the rebels and breaking their limbs on the wheel. Lacrosse developed possibly the most fiendish instrument of slow execution ever created. The prisoner was thrust into a tiny cage and had a razor-sharp blade suspended between his legs. In front of him was a bottle of water and bread, neither of which he could reach. He was stood in stirrups, which kept him just above the blade, but if he fell asleep or his legs tired, he was sliced by the blade. Neither fast nor economical, it was pure sadism. After four months in Guadeloupe, the French lost patience with the islanders, and the ferocity of their repression reached new heights. Blacks with short hair were shot out of hand, since the expeditionary force considered short hair to be a sign of rebellion. Orders were given that 'the type of execution should set a terrifying example'. The soldiers were encouraged 'to cut open insurgents, to strangle and to burn them'. French officers spoke proudly of creating 'torture islands'. In a letter to Napoleon, his brother-in-law Leclerc wrote: 'It is necessary to destroy all the negroes of the mountain . . . do not leave children over the age of 12.' So you can see continual affinities between Napoleon and Hitler. Many of Napoleon's actions were later echoed in Nazi Germany, right down to his enthusiasm for slavery reflecting the grim message 'Arbeit Macht Frei' ('Work Sets You Free'), which appeared over the gates of Auschwitz. Napoleon, like Hitler, also used his own army like cannon fodder when the occasion demanded. His retreat from Moscow in 1812 squandered the lives and courage of 450,000 soldiers of the Grande Armee; many of them were found frozen to death while embracing each other to harvest a last flicker of warmth, in what was one of the bitterest winters in living memory. Nothing shows more clearly the contempt the Emperor showed for his minions than the bulletin announcing the destruction of his Army. Napoleon blamed his horses and ended by declaring that his health had never been better.

rosspark
08-11-2018, 05:02 AM
As theatres for Napoleon's callousness, Haiti and Guadeloupe were too far away to attract much public notice, let alone condemnation. Syria was a different matter. In the war between France and the Ottoman Empire (most of it modern-day Turkey), Napoleon led the siege of the ancient walled city of Jaffa, whose harbour he needed as a vital shelter for his fleet. The city fell on the fourth day, whereupon Napoleon's troops ran amok through the town, slaughtering Christians, Jews and Muslims indiscriminately. To escape the slaughter, part of the garrison locked themselves into a large keep. Napoleon sent his officers, who negotiated their surrender and marched them back to the French camp. Rations were short, so Napoleon now decided that he had been too magnanimous. For three days he kept the 4,000 mostly Turkish prisoners with their arms tied behind their back; then the massacre began. Somewhere between 2,500 and 4,000 men were slaughtered there and then, either by shooting them or by running them through with bayonets. Shortly afterwards plague broke out, decimating the troops on both sides. With real courage, Napoleon led his general staff on a tour of the plague-infested hospitals. It did not deter him from suggesting to the doctors that seriously ill French troops who could not be evacuated should be given a fatal dose of the opiate laudanum. The doctors forced him to back down. From Jaffa, Napoleon marched to Acre, a city constructed on a peninsula and therefore impregnable, given that there was British control of the seas. Napoleon launched seven major assaults; each one failed. Marching back to Cairo, Napoleon left 2,200 of his troops dead, and 2,300 more seriously ill or wounded. As far as Napoleon was concerned, these wounded were already dead men. Most of them he left behind, knowing that the Turks would cut off their heads as soon as his army left. They did their best to follow his retreat, crying out not to be abandoned. They straggled along, their throats parched in the debilitating heat, which reduced their cries to a croak. Injured officers were thrown from their litters and left to die in the dunes. Soldiers were abandoned in the cornfields, which were still smouldering in the devastation of crops and villages ordered by Napoleon. In all, some 5,000 Frenchmen lost their lives. If Hitler learned any lessons from Napoleon, one must have been that victory required callousness, not just in the leader but in those around him. Like those working in the Nazi system, the French carrying out Napoleon's killing did so with little thought to morality. 'There was no sense of good or evil: it was just a matter of getting a difficult job done. In the end, the killing methods had to be efficient and cheap.

And don't even get me started on King Leopold II of Belgium. You can do your own reading about him here (https://allthatsinteresting.com/king-leopold-ii-congo).

Imperfect
08-11-2018, 05:58 AM
Got to love those humans hey. The moral I got from my little blab was how far we have not come and just how much of a blind eye we still turn unless it affects us personally. I can see you know a thing your two about genocide hey. The British Empire did some Horrific things to the Indian people as well. You can do your own reading over here → 'Just kidding!' I get your point and hopefully others do as well. Sorry if I triggered a negative response Ross. I do appreciate your sharing however. Is good to remind people just how cruel we actually are. You know how those new agers go on all the time about how beautiful we are. LOL

They don't teach this in the schools:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1giYXrofZYo

Alas ... it is who we humans are. We just can't help ourselves. I'm not going to get bitter about it though. More depressing than anything else - a symptom that society would do well to address through full disclosure via our schools rather than just preaching dogma that focuses on separatism. Agendas aligned with Patriotic Ideals and so on. Instead we hand out pills, and are dumbed down being told not to talk about negative topics.
_________________________________________________

Other than all that ... How you doing Ross?

Imperfect
08-11-2018, 07:46 PM
Not sure I see people as fools as much as I see them as sheep. (or is how that goes/feels/generates for me) Fool has more bitterness attached to the word as to the assumptions of negative images. What has happened has happened, What will happen will happen. Best I can do is try not to give in to all that bitterness that comes from our world's pain body. The residual stuff. I would probably do a better job of that by letting others be as well as myself.

I may be part of the human race, but I don't have to add to the problem by calling others names. Hmmmm ... Hard to do hey?
__________________________

Time for a Nature Photo I thinks. Time to disassociate from humanity in a positive way ... yet smile during those periods I have it within me to do so. I made a few good connections doing so whilst out walking today. :) :) :)
______

Finding any relief, peace or contentment at all Ross? Even moments of it at late?

Imperfect
08-12-2018, 01:53 AM
Choose - "YOU CHOSE DAVID!" If I could put it this way ... my pockets would be bursting at the seems if I had a coin for every time someone told me I chose this or that. It's such a grey area Ross. These kind of assertions and the context within them are quickly lost when such claims are typically made. Perhaps due to our inability to deal with those things we cannot change and the futility in how we are always striving to choose a path outside our means. This inability, futility and means being elements that hem us in a way that gives us little choice. Like I keep saying, the best we can do is choose how we response regardless of those aspects outside our control. We all make mistakes and many of us regularly, but this does not makes us fools. People can act foolishly but this does not mean they are fools. At least not from their perspective and who is to say that we know any better?

The context of using the term 'Sheep' (at least how I often use it) is not so much as being easily led, but the deceptive nature in how and where they the sheep are being led. Does a small child choose his or her name? Do they choose the ideals that are imprinted upon them at such a time they a start of with a clean slate. Parenting and Education. Points of view also differ as to whether such imprinting be imposed or simply protective measures. By the time they are told they can choose, there choice is already been influenced and still often is. We are always influencing - I'm even doing it now. I'm trying hard not to tell as is often our way. Authoritative speech that assumes how others feel (just happened to me in another thread and why I struggle with articles that dictate ... myself included!) + "You must remember la la and la" Must I remember? - I don't have to remember jack and now if I don't there is this element of shame thrust upon me for not knowing. "I have a Secret - THE SECRET" ... more shame.

Is it any wonder we all act like sheep being led up the garden path? I try not to see them as fools. I understand just how easily led those who think themselves to be most enabled are doing the bidding of the few that pull the strings. The Bible missed the beat when it talks of fools. Fool is a word my mother would often use. It's a cursed word that embeds much suffering on those who use it to bestow on others. From my experience I have come to see the Bible being full of much hate and persecution. The irony and hypocrisy summed up in the way many of it's followers use the word fool. I think many of these sheep act foolishly, but I no longer see them as fools. That's been a HUGE learning curve for me. I still struggle and fall to my own ego daily. I know I do and I don't just mean to keep repeating that as if it's going to have me absolved. Only I can absolve myself and believe me when I say how hooked I still am on this whole societal influencing addictive desire temptation pacification living has me repeating the same mistakes day after day. In this light I am the biggest fool of all. I would not wish it on my worse enemy. ... but who want's enemies? I don't want to be human, but I am. I don't want to be part of the human race, but then again I do.

You can't knock people for sleeping and half of the one's that think there awake ... well ... after all I have just said I best not call them fools, but I will say I feel they are still sleeping. More referring to the supposed shift that's taken like 30 years to pick up it's pace and still yet the world has not altered it pitch .. not one bit. If anything I think the vibes are as low as ever and yet to go lower. Perhaps another 30 years but whose counting hey? I feel it's best just to count our breaths which is where I make most of my own gains.

Annnnyyyywwwwaaaaayyyyyyyysssss ............... Just easing the vibes with how I would rather see people despite all the different points of views.
__________________________________________________ ___


On another note ... I have started watching the following series on Netflix. Seems to be a really good watch. Generally I struggle reading the subs. But this is one of those productions with an awesome story line that makes the effort worth while:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8rrJoeOkFU

http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/funny/1/crazy-clown.gif http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/spiritual/meditate-smiley-emoticon.gif

Imperfect
08-12-2018, 04:10 AM
TIME FOR A GOOD LAUGH - This is how you do a Baby Prank:

http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/roflmao.gif


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUKMUZ4tlJg

Dahila
08-12-2018, 05:50 AM
I try to restrain myself calling people other words that sheeple, So many times I had judge people wrong. They say in my country that you need to eat a barrel of salt with the person to know them. What seems foolish often is not, Nevertheless very interesting discussion gents :)

Imperfect
08-12-2018, 03:23 PM
Hey there D. : ) Nice to see you pop in. Really love that analogy of eating a barrel of salt. How's about another way of looking at the way we use language. Words are like sign posts. When used to find our way it does not taste so bad. When you take the sign post out of its stand and us it to hurt someone; there is no good that comes from it. Some people might claim it makes them feel good, but it is short lived. In instances where I fell good hurting others ... I know that feeling is distorted and short lived. Being like that only serves to make me feel more worthless and hopeless. This is why I don't do so well when expressing from a perspective of misery.

I have to check attitude. I know I need balance in order to retain my will to live. Whilst I often say I don't like people, I do want very much to keep the few friends I have as well as maybe make a few more. Constantly talking from a negative point of view kind of wares people down and I have lost and seen others loose good friends from continually always projecting from a despairing position. I have said that commiseration has it's place but I am very careful how I allow myself to fall into it's trap.

5 Ways Commiserating Keeps You From Moving Forward (https://www.huffingtonpost.com/peggy-nolan/5-ways-commiserating-keep_b_3558837.html)

Although I only skimmed, that link seems to explain it well enough.

I was walking down the beach just the other day with a friend that is in the habit of seeing things from a negative point of view. I get along well with him, because like him I also struggle with this affliction. Is hard not to when your clinically depressed and living in a world full of like wise people. The reason I noticed his pessimism is because for the last couple of weeks since picked myself back up. To be fair this friend is also good at getting back up. I'm just wishing to highlight this memory of how I was walking down the beach just enjoying the sun, wind and sounds of nature. I remember feeling a little shameful as his words and negative energy seemed in need of more attention than I was giving. It was like I had some kind of automated protective bubble surrounding me that limited my speech. I was in two places at once. Like I was walking beside myself as well as walking with my friend. I mostly just nodded on key points and when I did speak it was more focused on what works. I at least acknowledged to myself that he was having a hard time processing what needed to come out. Thankfully when I dropped him off he seemed less depressed and frustrated which is why we actually walk.

The point to sharing that experience was to remind myself how I often sound in here when I continue talking from a negative and hopeless point of view. It's good to dislodge negative energy, however there has to be some kind of balance. The same can be said for positivity. ... Yep yep ... I best not start up on that. : ) I don't like being selfish when it comes to this feeling where I yearn always to be grounded. It's taken some effort with the self imposed routine I started with the sun rise and set watching; returning to nature as I best connect with it and so on. I kind of had to pull my head of of the clouds thought when walking down the beach with my friend. It goes both ways I guess. Learning to be there for each other regardless of how we choose to discern for the other. BAMB ... there's that word 'choose' again. It's just it as sign post and I am being careful not to be self righteous when I say I'm not using to to bash anyone. When I say choose in this instance I think of Dharma Talks that teach about the way we 'Hold' our thoughts. That's been a powerful lesson for me ... although I can't really explain it with words. How we hold our thoughts takes sign posts from a directional symbol and transforms strings of words like opinions ... into a state reflected by one's grip. The harder we hold, the harsher the result - the less we grip the less need for results. This is also how I gave up on dogmatic science and politics after I ditched religion.

Of course everyone's terms will take on new meanings for those looking from another perspective. This is why I gravitate towards no wrongs or rights, set of beliefs, ways of being, standards of living and so on. There is sense in having structure and when these systems of being are flexible with genuine intent ... then I don't mind adopting various elements from each so that I may plan my day. But only so that I can effectively contribute to myself in a way the postivitley influences states of being in and around whilst actually living in the now. arrrr chuckles ... If by any chance your reading Sal, don't let the esoteric (freakish) nature of all this talk put you off. I'm just struggling to join both what works from both clinical psychology and areas of conciseness learning - dare I say elements of a spiritual nature. :)

Whatever works right?

On that note it's time to go warm up under the sun ... and let the day unfold as it will. I've got a plan ... but more so one that seems to be working because I've yielded.

Great News about my complaints. LOL hehehehee ... srry ... life is full of irony. I talk about that later on.

Is indeed great to have this space.

... even more LOL when I re-watch the demonic baby. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/roflmao.gif

Don't take me seriously. I'm not.

Dahila
08-12-2018, 05:34 PM
I am not able to take whining of any kind, you know that , this is why I have a bad reputation hehehe here on forum. I will understand when people say nonsense but whining just make me furious. It must be also the special kind of whining, You know D. what I am talking about.
I hope I do not push negativity on you while we chat from time to time.
Anyway I could not manage the keyboard lag fixed everything it did not help. I found keyboard Microsoft 8000, wired one , in my basement, I forgot how much I like it, no lag anymore, my two other keyboard are malfunctioning, dropping connection. Getting back on wired keyboard which is very good keyboard, touch typing on it, I love it, so one more reason to be happy about it :) I joined MeWe , check it up

Imperfect
08-12-2018, 07:01 PM
All good D - More saying for my own state of mind. Is directed at me. :) ... and yes I know what where you are coming from.

Wireless tech has different grades of efficiency. You have to pay premium price for reduced lag. My ear buds are pretty good, but fail miserably in other areas. I preferred wired due to less interference and ZERO lag, however have been lured in by ease of use regarding wireless technology. Wireless keyboard absolutely a NO NO for my gaming preferences - so to for the mouse. Music and Phone calls Is not an issue - Using premium updated wireless tech sees watching movies not out of sync with my latest ear buds, however as said ... having Volume issues and now returning a $300.00 set:

https://www.samsung.com/au/wearables/gear-iconx-sm-r140/SM-R140NZKAXSA/

Of course that is a rip off price ... best to get online elsewhere, however I suggest people steer clear of that linked product. Thankfully I got them just as a bonus.

Wired will be best for quite some time ... a long time.

Dahila
08-12-2018, 07:23 PM
oh thanks so I did good to connect my wired one. I was actually looking for wired one Microsoft 8000 but they not make it anymore, The one I have is at least 5 years old but after drying the beer my man spill on it is awesome, working like tornado ;)

Imperfect
08-14-2018, 03:50 AM
Thursday we should get the results on Lisa's nasty patch of skin that was cut out. Is hard not to think about. Lisa claims the doctor is worried about it. They dug deep to cut it out and she bleed a fair bit that night. I have to do most things that involve Lisa using her arm. They say if it comes back as malignant - they will have to cut out the closest lymph node and run a test on it.

Lisa has been quite sensitive and reactive all in one. I'm holding my breath a little bit as well.

I think that's about as much as I wish to discuss on that. Not much else we can do till we get the results.
__________________________________________________ _______


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHcxkmwBOJY

Dahila
08-14-2018, 07:00 AM
It is awful, please let me know the results, my thoughts are with you L and u

Imperfect
08-14-2018, 02:54 PM
What's a bit of cancer to a preexisting condition of primary progressive autoimmune disease? I need just remind myself of that debilitating disease. There's really nothing I can do other than put into practice all that I have been drawing upon in my own attempts to ride this existence and all the experiences I've both been privileged and disadvantaged by. Without a doubt the unpleasant diagnoses of cancer will rock our world. Until the results are in I guess this is just another opportunity to see how short life really is. Whatever the results I need to be there more than I have been. I'm doing my best all things considered. We have both had a LOT on our plate. I'll support her in whatever direction she moves.
_________

On other fronts ... I'm already thinking of whether I want to go do the big Xmas bash held at my wife's parents. With all that I have been enduring, I think it's best I pass on that. I'll talk to my eldest daughter and see if she can take up the drivers seat for that rather long trip. It's not unusual for my wife to be OK with me staying at home during this period of year. Most times I have gone. It can be a chore for us 'all' having to put up with opinions flying across a gorging table at a time of year that is pretentiously sold as compassionately getting along. This is one year I can do without such a tasteless feast. If you can take the Christ out of Xmas, then it might not be as a draining experience.

People ... Watch Ya Gonna Do. My love for them this year is to try and not be there for them. Everything is not as it seems. If my wife want's me there, so that she too can endure ... well ... that's going to an exercise and a half.

Speaking of exercise ... I best head off to the gym so I can better deal with what is.

Adios ... until next post.

salvator here
08-14-2018, 05:11 PM
Try to look after yourself also so you have the strength during this difficult time.

Imperfect
08-15-2018, 04:54 AM
That's good advice Sal. I'll take it. Walked into town today to meet up with a friend or two. On the way home I popped into an opp shop. Before I entered the store, I rested my bag on a concrete container wall to pull out my reading glasses with the intention to by a donated book. When doing so I noticed an old guy coming out of the store with his walker and his wife. He did not seem to happy as he pointed to his car tire at which stage I was then walking past to enter the shop. I saw they had a fancy Mercedes Benz but not so fancy with a flat tire. LOL

I kind of knew they were in a jam whilst I mused over how this couple were attending the charity shop in their Mercedes Benz. Perhaps someone slashed there tire ... just a passing thought. I dismissed my bias and walked back out of the shop and asked if they had all the gear in their boot to change the tire. The lady said they could call road side assist. I could do it now in less than 15 minutes as typical wait times for a flat tire can take up to an hour. Although I must admit when she thought of road side assist, I kind of thought - Good Idea ... Long story short ... 15 minutes later ... everyone had smiles on their faces. I finally went into the store where I tried not to leave black sooty tire marks on all the books I was flicking through. :)

I bought the following book:

https://image.ibb.co/cZTwd9/Living_with_it.jpg

It's an old book by today's lightening speed antics ... and whilst I don't agree with some of the stats and claims being made ... It does have some nuggets in it that I will look into sharing once I can work out my new scanner.
___________________________________


Into my second week at the gym and feeling my strength slowly starting to return. I think my intention to be fit @ fifty (about 6 months) is on par. Not that I want to look that far ahead. Definitely not interested in the 10 year scenario. I leave that to the marketers. However ... I will share the following before going to bed. Is a good watch for people waking up to the reality of preconditioning in western society. Very challenging stuff ... but only for those ready to hear. It's not a challenge to be enforced like most community facilities/services impose on today's modern consumers.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ti5QJxbmEk

What is Red-Pilling (https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Red%20Pilled) I had to look it up ... but once I did ... It made enough sense. Hmm Perhaps a still vague though. Red Pill as in talking to those still sleeping or just staring to wake up.

Imperfect
08-15-2018, 06:27 AM
Thanks for the input ross. I do see it differently. I don't eat meat or dairy (socially I do or when I am lazy) and most people think that is the kiss of death. I am here clearly living proof that is not the case.

Depends on your definition of exercise. Again - I have been doing it most of my life. I know what works for me. Keeping active (exercise within whatever context) very much greatly improves my health. How many meals is not so straight forward. I don't have a gall bladder number one ... anxiety also limits digestion but exercise can actually helps with that - (again context to meaning of exercise very general - activity ... movement and so on)

I've done very well on two meals to only one meal a day ... and even going several days without eating ... again ... not so simple. (multiple small ones in a window of time - changes depending on my physical and emotional status) There are many ways for many folks all of whom in this day and age have many varying degrees of broken antonyms.

Building and maintaining muscle makes me stronger. I am actually in the phase of building strength through gradual exposure and repetition. Eating well and thinking good thoughts will not do me any good if I'm living a sedentary life. This too I know for a fact. I have been getting weaker since I stopped moving ... exercising. I try not to use the word train ... even exercise ... it's often misconstrued by people who do not like to be active or unable to be therefor struggle with a form of bias. Walking can be seen as exercise ... if your not used to it ... you have to start slow in which time you build up strength. You build strength through the act of gradual exposure and a slow increase in resistance. yadda yadda

I am getting stronger as a result from my intentional activities, structured on gradual exposure, increased exertion and repetition based on my previous 43 years (off and on) years of exercise experience. (I would of killed myself long ago if I did not exercise to deal with my depression) Psychological well being and motivation being part and parcel to activity, outdoors and other variables. yadda yadda ... I started practicing these methods at age 7 whilst watching Richard Simmons. I went from him to Arny and everywhere between. :) As for food, rest and all else ... I have documented extensively in here to which others have seen the proof of what I can achieve. When I give up I get weak ... the only thing that brings me back is my exercise routine. (Among all those other things ... but without keeping active ... nope ... don't work for me ... I was made to keep moving in between bouts of healthy down time which this PC is probably not so good for)

I am sure your plan and advice works well for you. You certainly talk about it like it does. I get that. I try to be careful when making claims for others though as I know first hand how my routine does not work for others. I enjoy breaking my body down only to see it bounce back all the more. I have good genetics for this process. Despite the fact we age and die ... lack of exercise makes me weak whilst in contrast embarking back into my active routines after stopping ... does in fact make me stronger.

There is science online that can debate and or support how seniors can actually get stronger through a structured weight resistance routine. I really don't need to go through it as I already know it works for me ... as you age it's ... like everything else it's more about balance. Doing things in the right doses can see improvements where we have done to little or is good for maintaining a relative strength until our last breathe.

Thanks for sharing what works for you.

I best get in some of that sleep. Hopefully tomorrow we find out if Lisa has and has not cancer.

I also meet another mentor / support person.

Forgive my passion on what works for me. I'll be sure to be taking more specific notes as the weeks go on. It's ironic to ready your thoughts as I am actually in the building strength phase before I hit my shredding phase that is then dialed back like a Marathon runner that regains strength. Tearing down, then building up ... recovery ... and so forth ... a complex process that's not so much after you have years of experience that can be greatly assisted with much of the basics you have mentioned ... although specified to an individuals anatomy and genetics. I'm more into cardio which Is extremely misconstrued this day and age. I don't even want to go there other than record my own experiences.

Don't disappear on me now Ross? :) I let you know how my treadmill run goes tomorrow. Again ... for now I am just going through the motions. Tearing down, building up ... cleansing as I go. Getting stronger BRO! hehe ...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz Night night.

Dahila
08-15-2018, 12:37 PM
Oh Ross does not know your story, I do not remember in which tread it is, the change, the clean eating. I think imperfect could teach a lot of people how to eat , and what to eat, I am on high protein low carbs no sugar but it is because it is the only way to control my blood glucose, I wish I could eat like imperfect, .......eh

Imperfect
08-15-2018, 04:14 PM
All good. I don't beleive in a 'Definitive Guide' Like the 'Definitive Guide To Supplements' I don't buy into such authoritative speech although fall by the way side myself. I think it does more to undermine the snippets that might or might not resonate for whatever reader. Typically such writings fail to look at the bigger picture when intending to influence a wider audience when not sharing from a personal perspective. I have been accused of standing on a box more than twice. For instance Dahlia ... I know you know a LOT about herbs. There is no one way in the growing or taking of herbs to heal all things. Often there are many dangers associated to taking herbs as there is to taking medicines (even supplements), yet we talk about these subjects haphazardly daily. I guess it comes down to the language we use ... how we speak, what we think and what we do. How one feels in the end? Who are we trying to convince?
______________________

The Results? How am 'I' feeling?

I'm hungry ... I think I will go eat. :)

Imperfect
08-15-2018, 04:43 PM
Lisa's results more important than mine right now. Truth is I reacted to her belittling this morning and now we are both having a shitty day. Now is not a good time for me to be countered. Encouraged yes.

Not sure about this new mentor comming to my house today. I think on that before sending txt.

Imperfect
08-16-2018, 04:52 AM
GOOD NEWS - Dodged The Cancer Bullet - there was no real way to ignore the possibility given the doctor voiced her concerns as she did. Since finding out the news it's not cancer, tensions have subsided.

Things went OK with the new support person/mentor. We went out for coffee as things were still tense at home. She is quite young but savy for her role. I did request that next time she not ware her service provider badge next time we go out. It's always a little awkward getting to know people for the first time. She knew I had passed on the previous support person who was much older. I explained we had different world views and whilst that was OK, it was too evident; words to that effect. She was professional yet compassionate. I did not feel that was the case with previous person. I think if things continue in the same manner with this new person, I will tell as much. It's good to let the effective workers know when they are an asset. I do it with all the workers that support me. Doctors (who I mostly struggle with), mental health facilitators, peers, therapists and now even the psychiatrist. Is a waste of time having these supports if your don't utilize them properly and or foster the relations.

I can now reassess small goals without long term plans. I have already discussed the topic of planning thanks to my good friend Sal. : ) I feel much better now that I will have someone to come with me to the formal police interview whenever that is. Yet to hear back about that the local point of view. Basically the support worker helps with important meetings like that. Any important meeting where I struggle to be heard and or understand what's going on. I hope your reading Sal because I have tuned into your own regarding struggles with communicating, despite being well versed (which your own skill improves beyond words) with text and or in your own space. (I have picked on things you have said - where I often relate to your words) It's completely different in the so called 'real world' where people do not read us so well. It really is amazing at just how creative and special we be when afforded the space in which we can be our true selves, (takes time to foster with the right people ... sadly this kind of respect is now an art) yet when reality is pressed upon us with little regard for who we be ... we don't do so well ... do we? Sadly most puppets at the end of the string doing societies bidding, when seeing just how capable we are; they typically use such a revelation against us - lest we reflect the way in which they keep us down. Is good to find puppets that think for themselves. This is why I usually don't settle for just any service provider/worker. Takes time to find the ones that want to actually do good. They are there ... I must admit though, it requires both sides to make an effort. I really hope this time it pays off. Sometimes it takes me three goes ... but this time I feel I can do better. Took three goes with the therapist. Have been with that one for well over three years now ... going on four soon. Depending on the service, sometimes the change overs can be more often than not. When this happens I have to learn to be adaptable or just give up that service for a while, especially if dealing with tired, complacent workers that just turn up without really being there.
____________________________________________

OK ... moving on. Is good to be free-styling again:

---- LITERALLY MOVING ON ----
.................................... an old favorite of mine:
https://image.ibb.co/eD18Ap/running.jpg

Another thing we do on the Personal Helpers and Mentor program is talk about things that inspire me. This time we talked about my photography and keeping active ... although it was more about routine that we discussed. This photo I took a little over 18 months ago whilst out walking in the morning sun. (note the low cast shadow projected from the runners left foot) This was actually a well timed shot without using fancy consecutive settings. Just a cheap phone, well timed under good lighting. I filtered this photo like I do with many others; my favorite way of creating my own reality.

I went into my photo library and chose this one because I knew when I took it, it would make a great symbol highlighting for me the importance of moving and the sun. I have no problem what's so ever with breaking down my body from the inside out - it's actually very healing for me. I wont go into the science because like I alluded in one or my recent posts - there are many misconceptions as to the pros and cons of one exercise Vs another. I'll just say that those seeking to live longer and look their prettiest for eternity will always shy away from strenuous exercise point blank. Joints issues and arthritis are more plagued with sedentary living than they are with running. Over use injury is a different story and it all comes down to balance like I keep saying ... I'll keep saying it because all this writing is my personal form of self hypnosis. It motivates me. Is how I drop the kilos in a matter of weeks - I first go through the motions to build up my strength. Once that is complete I let the sweat drip, drip and keep dripping until there is no more to drip!!! It is not uncommon for people who debate running, to of ruined their joints from other poor lifestyle practices and use such excuses to eat their addictive unhealthy foods. For others they, they may not have the mechanics nor the genetics - yet for the most part I tend to agree with text books that imply - humans were made to run. Not all, but most. If you want to debate it ... I suggest finding somewhere else to do it. You'll only just piss me off. Your welcome to start your own journal. - Just kidding ... or not.

My Morning Treadmill Run:
http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/gym/treadmill-fall-smiley-emoticon.gif
FUCKING AWESOME!!! Yes ... my little zen self is very happy about my strength returning (all things considered to recovery playing into that) that I allow passionate terms to excite me. So far only running on treadmill 3 times a week. In between 3 alternating days of 'Compound Full Body' resistance work outs. That's gym 6 days a week with lots of care in between for recovery. Food I am not changing to hard core yet. I'll say it again ... I am building up strength. Like I said some time ago with this photo ... coming off the meds:


https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5736/21837180283_9d07e94795_o.png

That's when I was living further out in the more rural area. After reaching that point it was not long before my activity level took off naturally and my taste for food took on a more natural route. I will admit now though that in the end whilst exercise is vitally important to me ... the quality of food and lifestyle is the majority of the work. Every time I let myself slip it is to do with my mental health predispositions and resulting slips in lifestyle choices ... especially food. That said ... for me ... if I don't keep active (especially with weights) I also quickly slip. It's a seasonal thing as well ... cycles to the amount of effort and how that is distributed. That can take a life time to learn and especially so if you have an addictive past and also compulsive issues + extremes. Is much easier for me this time around as I learned so much from my previous efforts.

Let's not forget about a month ago how I started all this. Getting up early to greet the sun with a huge ass amount of respect for what I was intending. I again draw from the past with another image that instills the very best in me:

It was taken a few of these shots that I burned out the camera's sensor of Lisa's elcheapo camera ... It was a good photo though ... also quality sungazing and a swim. (Knee deep water resting on my knees)
https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7254/13811584345_9c911f808c_h.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/n3tYQz)

I think I chill some more before hitting the sack ... All these principles and passion above I have been doing this last month. Is good to be back at the gym and it will be interesting to see how far I push. That said I am intending to be careful. I always appreciated your warnings for me to take it easy and be kind to self D. I also would not of made it if not for all your encouragement. I'll try not to be so cocky and keep up the photography and sun bathing that brings me much peace.

This post was made by on the side with the following vibes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksDsUYPofDs&t=2149s
Night Night ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

salvator here
08-16-2018, 05:26 AM
This is such good news, I'm very happy for you.

I've been reading your postings, just haven't been in any shape to reply. Don't worry, I'll be fine. I always see if you're ok here. I'm glad this weight is off your shoulders now, both for you and your family.

Will write more.

Take care :)

Dahila
08-16-2018, 09:09 AM
Happy to hear about results. You know that I had cancer scare which came back negative, I am very happy for you and relieved. Just tell how you run on treadmill . my daughter does it, I never developed the skill of running on it, I have to support myself while running

Imperfect
08-16-2018, 03:40 PM
I understand Sal ... whenever is good. Yes D --- I sure do remember that. I was worried for you as well. Yep yep ... one person's method is not necessarily for everyone and usually for a number of very valid reasons.
____________________
_____
_


Have not seen any articles hit AF for a while hey? I wonder what happened. A buzz word here, a buzz word there, everywhere a buzzword ... Yayyyyyyyy ... Yayyyyyyyy ... Yayyyyyy ... Can I have some more? More Please!



Yay it's another sensationalized Title- Oh Goodie!

https://image.ibb.co/b4M5az/maddness.gif

Dahila
08-16-2018, 05:15 PM
You remember when I wanted to make a partition on windows? I just succesfully made one and moved all my data to it. So one tb is two of partition one with apps another with the things I have :)

salvator here
08-16-2018, 06:27 PM
Thank you for understanding. Just been feeling worked over by the system. Its a constant fight for everything and people are quite nasty (nurses and doctors) because they are used to dealing with dreads of society which seems really judgmental to people that are in need that can't afford to pay. Its by a fine hair that I'm not homeless to be honest. Its ok, it is what it is. Just wears me out and leaves me feeling hopeless at times. Spinning wheels and going nowhere sometimes, I guess. Should try to shake it off better by now.

Yes, I've also had a Cancer scare that turned out to be negative as well. The lymph nodes around my heart were inflamed and they thought it was lymphoma, as it turns out I have Sarcoidosis which is why I'm on steroids. It took a bronchoscopy to determine it as there was no other way to be sure. This was a while ago. Luckily I had good insurance at that time to even afford the expensive test. Really scared me though. I considered myself lucky.

I wonder why this forum is so quiet. If you google anxiety and forum its the first one. I'm surprised we this slow. I recon people don't use forums as they used to and rely on FB and other social media instead.

Glad you got your computer working well Dahila.

Good to know you're exercising D, I know you do it more for your health than vanity. I also walk for my health more than anything. Should lose some weight though (just 8 pounds is enough) also to bring BP and Cholesterol down. Wish I didn't need pills but I do currently.

Imperfect
08-16-2018, 10:28 PM
Is OK about the forum not being active. I was being sarcastic about the articles. Both D and I like the fact that the forum is quiet. Don't tell anyone, but I sabotage most connections to keep traffic low :) People like to BS - We do not.

yep yep I hear ya Sal

Glad you worked out the partition D. Is good when you know how to do all that.

Imperfect
08-17-2018, 03:30 AM
Prepping to get serious with my eating again:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DC2uWfmwi3o

Edit ... This supports a lot of what you were saying Ross. Without a doubt Balance is key where 'pushing' exercise is akin fast tracking one's way (or at least what I am currently doing) but cannot be sustained constantly. I sincerely hope I can give up my drug addition with food and go back to eating Raw as was the best experience I have ever had when it came to well being. Of course I am talking about my own experience. Weight up the pros and cons between being active, eating healthy and all the other forms of healthy lifestyle does see food and what we leave out as the primary key.

This video is no doubt far out for most ... but is a good reminder for me in terms of what I should leave out Vs using activity. I'll be checking more of this guy out in terms of finding balance.

Dahila
08-17-2018, 05:19 AM
Yep Sal I hear you, I do not even voice my opinions to docs or nurses, "write the damn script and let me go. They are not there to cure people, I push mine psychiatrist to talk about politics and history we both like it, So the hour flies, she gives me prescription, I am happy cause next visit will be in 3 months time.
what steroid are you Sal, you know that is difficult to lose weight when you on one. I am constantly on Symbicort for my lungs, like all the time, I just cut the does in halp. Another one is for my sinuses. It is for years now. You do what you have to do. We all know that we will go, but no one wants to go suffering.
Beside Minds (you can have your blog there and write, like here) I joined MeWe and trying to get feel of that
D with new computer is completely different story . I have separate SSD for windows and unfortunately few others that will not give you option to instal on different drive like Microsoft office, and few others. It is not easy to change Programdiir eh
The most important the windows belong to me and I can do fresh install any time. So if I screw something I will format and istall

Imperfect
08-17-2018, 01:14 PM
Microsoft Office is best left on your primary drive. Most programs do allow a custom option to manually type in your secondary drives letter without actually specifying it. For example, you can mouse over/highlight the 'C:' and replace it with the letter of your secondary drive. 'D:' It's easy not to see this as many programs will not specify the option to do so. We tend to look for instructions and when seeing none, typically click next. It took me quite some time to develop the habit to always check to see if I could highlight manually.
Adding to this ability to manually highlight 'c:' and change to the letter of your secondary drive, you will usually have to manually ensure that you have designated folders (D:\Program Files\Software Name)

Again ... whilst a lot of installations will not specify via text or tabs ... Alway check to see if you can left click in the text box where you see the directory. If you can ... ensure manually by opening your windows explorer that you have the same folders if you only change the drive letter.

Sometimes you can change the drive letter but NOT the folders. In that case YOU HAVE manually create the folders and then you can highlight over the top of C: during the install procedure.

Once you discover and understand this method you will find that most program can in fact be installed onto the secondary.

Yes ... the latest version of Microsoft Office will not install onto a secondary drive. Even if it could I would not do it. It's a Primary Program. I leave all Primary Programs on my Primary Drive. I have 256GB Primary which is (barely) enough. 128GB ssd drives are a joke. My SSD is my Primary.

A word of warning. Whilst most programs can be manually installed onto secondary using above method, some may not work correctly due to updates not finding the custom made directory.

In general though ... once you understand how to manually create your own folders jumping between explorer and the install screen, and then just changing the drive letter, you too like I did, will come to see that most programs can in fact be manually installed onto the secandary. Just keep in mind that 'some' may not work correctly ... just 'some.'

Just because there is no Option Tab, don't settle for clicking Next ... always check to see if you can highlight :c

If you can ... be sure to manually create the folders if you don't already have them in :D ... if your not used to doing this every time, it will only appear that most programs will not install to D: ... and you then fall into the trap of always installing onto c:. Trust me ... get into the habit of always highlighting c: regardless of no Option Tabs and you will be pleasantly surprised like I used to be. :)

Hope that helps?

Edit - The only thing I can add to the above is that sometimes you may have to click a CUSTOM TAB in order to highlight C: Typically this will be the case when the Install Directory is Grayed Out.

Thinking that most programs do not allow us to install onto the secondary comes from our impatient way of being. We generally rush and when it comes to installing we tend not to take the time to read everything that is presented before us. It is so much this way with us, that programs now require us to UN-tick boxes in order not to install 3rd party apps. They know we 'rush.' Just start practicing by always manually moving your mouse cursor over the C: and if it's grayed out ... look for a little inconspicuous TAB called Custom or even Manual ... Don't settle for hitting next at lighting speed. Take your time building up a habit of manually changing that C: to a D: (or whatever your secondary Drive Letter is) I used to complain to my son all the time about not being able to install Games onto my Secondary and he would always tell me "You just manually change it!" Whilst this is not always correct ... once I learned the habit of moving my cursor over the C: ... and then not settling for it being grayed out by further searching for the custom tab ... eventually I too found that 'most'programs do in fact allow to install onto your secondary ... it just not that all programs specify this fact or present it differently ... usually indirectly ... see text below to install :) You may have to dial down your screen brightness and contrast to see. Especially if you have a TN Monitor (IPS monitor shows up better)

CUSTOM INSTALL ← Now you can highlight C: and manually change your install directory.

Did you see the txt in between this line and the above? Software companies prefer to lock in C: because it makes it 'easier' for malware and the like. ← all that invasive BS that slows your computer and takes up space. That's my take on the deceptive ways in which a users preconditioned compulsion is often exploited. ... but like I said ... be careful as some programs may conflict when manually changing due to updates... not all ... just some.

Imperfect
08-17-2018, 03:42 PM
Hey Sal ... for a really easy blog set up you could check out using WordPress. There are plenty of YouTube videos on using it. I have a free account which pretty much does everything you need.

I just threw this one together to mark my first day back into giving up addictions. My first goal is to simply get through the first couple of hours. :)

I've fallen over so many times ... but I keep trying.

If you do start up a little blog ... PM me a link or publicly post it ... either way be sure to share it and I will 100% read and feedback if you enable it. Take care:

https://hardcoreliving172171436.wordpress.com/

Dahila
08-17-2018, 05:19 PM
Thanks D..........................whatever i could changed I had ;)

Imperfect
08-17-2018, 08:02 PM
Your welcome Dahila. That latest versions of Microsoft Office cannot by custom/manually installed. I Googled it. :) Is a Primary Drive Program Only. (Older versions you could manually install to another drive although I would not recommend it for that program. My above spiel is an explanation as to why it seems that most programs will not install onto a secondary drive when in most cases they can be. Generally speaking of course ... as there are expectations like Microsoft office and or generally Microsoft applications.

salvator here
08-18-2018, 07:42 AM
Thank you both for your suggestions, I will give it more thought when things level out a bit here and I can better focus on it properly, got a lot on my plate coming up and don't want to 1/2 ass something :D

For now, I'm going to say here with you and help others when possible. I also don't mind it being slow, less pressure, I guess.

I hope you both have a nice weekend :)

Imperfect
08-18-2018, 03:55 PM
You too Sal. I'm feeling the same way. Here is really ... who give's a %$#@ kind of thing, where when I approach a blog post it's more focused which can be draining for me. The irony is that once I get going, my spiels seemingly become more than good enough to blog if I so wish. I guess it depends on what one wants to achieve with their writings to begin with. I don't come here based on whether I am feeling healthy or sick. That seems to be the gauge for many in here. "I have not been here for a while because I have been well." If we all thought like that this place would be pretty toxic to say the least. The other side of the coin is low traffic due to reality being ever present in the writing of others who just won't shut the *&^% up. LOL Hell ... people don't even say hollow to me anymore when I welcome them back. You know who you are. Kiss Kiss.

Like I said ... is good to have a space in which you can feel truly free. Or at least in my deluded self created white walled space where I just let all this text slide of my keyboard onto this now not so empty canvas. Bla bla and more blaaasssss.

Oh Studies indicate that I am so full of absolutes and correctness. A recent poll showed that everything I am saying is absolutely correct! So it is that I am right and your all wrong. Whether you take the Red or Blue Pill ... it matters little until you discover that there is NO pill that is going to save you. Only you can save you. mmmmmwwwwahahahahahahaarrrr!!!
______________________________________

I'm a couple of days into giving up the sugar, salt, flour, wheat, grains and coffee. Not sure if I will pick up the grain when I come out the other side ... I'll decide that for myself if and when the time comes. FUCKING MAJOR HEADACHES are proving to me I need to detox badly. I'm at least 10kg overweight and miss my GAUNT LOOKING SELF that most people mistakenly see of unhealthy. I should never of listening to them!!! It was the healthiest I had even been. Nevertheless people will always always see others overweight as healthy because it's just like taking the red pill without anyone guiding you to truth.

I CAN DO THIS ... the pain I am going through I now is working towards a more deeper and peaceful experience. All I got to do is focus on that nectar that others could not feel or see. I smile to think of all the names I was called by some of my kids and even my wife when I got to that stage of being exceptionally healthy. "ANOREXIA!" "Haggard Harry!" ... & "You Got Cancer?" being the most ironic of all.

Man ... I can't wait till I get back to that stage.

Here's to a good day with NO POISONS or Drugs to fuck me up. :)

Adios until the next red pill.

Have a wonderful day. mmmmmwwwwahahahahahahaarrrr!!!

Whatever works right? ... mmmm is it working ... only "I" can know that.
___________

Yea ... there's no way I can write my blog like that ... good call Sal ... is best left in here.

You have a good weekend as well. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/yes/big-thumbs-up-smiley-emoticon.gif

Few more sleepless nights for me yet. Massive withdrawals. I had no idea how sick I am. Is like when I was 36kg overwweight yet this time I am only 10. At least this time it won't take as long to heal.

Imperfect
08-19-2018, 03:32 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53ghWfi1P4A

Nailed another day of eating clean ... Good Job Davy Boy! Headaches still present and won't even think on how I will sleep tonight. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Here's hoping.

Imperfect
08-19-2018, 09:08 PM
Just out and about, at the library in fact. Thought I would quickly link this one for later. Looks like an excellent motivation discussion on keep healthy. One of those the exposes 'The Pleasure Trap'


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxb1A3Q1vC8

For all those that love statistics ... it's got plenty of those. I'm more interested in the exposure of ' the system's' that keep us sick. Each to their own. This one I log in for me to watch later.

Went to the Gym ... Caught the Sunrise before that. :) Will link some of those photos later. The 18 hour fasting window is gong really easy. So much so that I feel confident with my latest decision to go back to clean eating. As in like one of those decisions that's feels easy to keep.

I've also left the car at home and walking more often.

Adios ... Until next post.

Imperfect
08-20-2018, 03:16 AM
I thought that above presentation on 'The Pleasure Trap' was very insightful. One of best breakdowns on the topic of caloric and nutrient destiny. Among other things. Loved the detail on addiction and how we come up with so many myths to make excuse to keep feeding our habits. Well worth listening to again.

YAAAAWWWWWNNNNSSSSSSSSS ... what a day. I spent most of it walking from my house to the gym, shops, library, opp shop and then home. I ate at the mall, but only after I bought a super green salad and banana from the grocery store. I then went and took up my place among others in the food court, unfolded my tea towel and home cutlery. (LOL) From that point I chopped up banana up and threw it into the mix with the crushed up home activated nuts and raisins. CHOP CHOP and more chopping ... I chowed down into my super salad like it was bliss.

OH YEA - The APS-C Sensor Cleaning Kit arrived from overseas and I cleaned my cameras delicate light sensor. It was a great excuse to drag my but out of bed to once again start up my practice of greeting the sun:

https://image.ibb.co/gWyahe/Another_Sunrise_blogged.jpg (https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/43431189644/sizes/o/)

It was under that sun I walked from place to place throughout different times of day. After gym I went to the library where I posted the video in the previous post, then went to the opp shop to purchase another book. By the time I got home I was wiped out, yet after I ate some steamed veggies I was off to catch the last rays of the sun ... hoping it will help work like a sleeping pill to ease me with the detox still taking place. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz I think it's working ... ZZZZzzzzzz

Just got a call from Sydney Police (whilst making this post) as still heard nothing back from the local mob. I've been asked to go down to the station again and ask what's going on. Not sure I am liking how I am being used like so ... but ... I guess I will just print out a short note sharing concerns from down south and just move on. Sigh ... I'm sure they have there reasons for being slow.

Where was I ... Yea ... I am wiped. Here is the same sunshine as above ... at the intensity I was basking in early this morning:

https://image.ibb.co/cvo82e/Basking_blogged.jpg

Think I will go down with a little meditation before bed via Youtube ... too tired to concentrate. Will have to do out here and not in my room as I have also stopped taking the phone in the room. Much better that way with regards to sleep.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Imperfect
08-20-2018, 03:46 PM
I'm up ... made a post ... time to stretch a go hit the treadmill down at the gym. After that I have meeting with the new mentor again. Still tying to work out the dynamic in that. Old enough to be my daughter. She is smart, I'll give her that. hmmm now I feel another post coming on. Thing although the manager of the local mental health social facility has deterred me from socializing there, I'm still hanging out with a few of the guys. One of them is as young as my youngest son, yet I don't really see him like that at all. Fact is I don't see any of my older kids as kids anymore. Yet there is an element of mentoring that comes from having more experience when we talk on certain topics. I find myself treading lightly when I see things differently when in commiseration - especially when in commiseration. I like the youthful stamina that can keep us laughing in the face of adversity, yet when having endured for as long as I have Vs one who has not ... it's not so much a competition in wisdom ... but more a communication gap ... sometimes a block. I struggle with those unflinching in there hard set ways which is atypical of us older one's ... yet I try not to be. Hmmm ... I find myself stumbled on trying to make a point here.

With respect to the new mentor ... ????? I guess if I can let it be like with my younger 'friend' we should be able to navigate the clinical aspect. I hope she's not wearing that badge again. The badge I will just have to learn to deal with. It does not feel mutual at all with the bade. It advertises her as a service and me as a consumer. Yep ... I just nailed it. In that regard I have never been with a service worker that wares a badge. I don't deal well with advertising in an advertising world. I guess that is why I no longer belong.

Hmmm ... what to do. I want to encourage her as although we have only had a meet and greet, I feel she likes her job. I have already mentioned that badge and asked her not to ware it, but by the end of the meeting (coffee at some coffee place) I thought her to be so polite and well meaning that I actually apologized telling her it was alright to ware it. Now in hindsight I can see how one might think who am I to ask if she would consider not wearing the badge. Well, the fact is, having been in this game as long as I have ... some places actually allow service users not to ware a badge if the client so requests it. (It's stigma related and in some cases the negative impact makes the service invalid)

I think if anything ... and she is still wearing it after our last meeting. I will do will to further explain the above. YET I may not, because I don't want to drag the issue on ... if I am to take it as an opportunity to work on my ego. Also an opportunity to see how much people are looking more form the point of view of young women mentoring older man ... perhaps more an assessment on support Vs mentoring. In some sense I feel I may be losing out on the mentoring aspect to this PHaMS program that came with age - BUT not necessarily. Yes and no. I'll have to reach deep in order to access the elements of hope within the yes. Support ... Yes. This service provider will be coming to the police station with me and likewise appointments.

The fact in all this remains that I am still unable to fit into this society as is. My condition is permanent (more so Society's Condition is Permanent.) so it is that I will mostly likely keep walking with my head down. It's one thing like so in forums like these, but another when going outside. REALITY CHECK ... the urge for my ego to always want to strike back is HUGE ... and those intrusive thoughts can be extremely disabling if I allow them to be. Right now ... I continue working on what works for me. I guess that will be the topic I get to discuss today. I think if she chooses to keep wearing the badge that I will relate to her more as a councilor of sorts rather than a friend. Mentoring is less on the counseling side although still the same. It's hard to make claims that one is not clinical whilst still in need of wearing a badge.

Hmmmm .............. I should get a T-shirt with lard print ← CLIENT / SERVICE USER → I might actually do that. :)

Time to go to the gym ... GO!!!

Imperfect
08-21-2018, 04:48 AM
Just a quick log in ... I decided to have today's visit at home. I introduced the new mentor to my wife. I smile to think she was wearing a light cardigan over her badge. It feels weird relating to someone so young as a mentor. After the visit my I questioned my wife about the huge age gap and the mentoring aspect. We both agreed that there is a void in the feedback I am getting. I don't suspect the young girl realizes just how empty that space feels, although I am sure there she sense a slight awkwardness. When she left I felt she was in a hurry. I again spoke with my wife on the topic of how long I shall give this a try and simply agreed to give it more time. All in all, it is clear this young girl is committed and making a good effort. I am thankful for that. I encouraged my wife to get into the discussion of what other mental health social services might be available and the three of were actively engaged. This helped to dissipate any air of awkwardness and made of a good finish for toady's session. I made a small goal and included the support worker in that suggesting that it would be something we could aim for. She also reminded me how I like to plan my days ... on the day; how I like to keep things structured within my own head space ... although my work space reflects quite the opposite.
__________________________________________________ ___________________

So it was that after Gym and the Outreaching ... that I planned and revisited another small reserve which offered up a decent walk under the sun and away from the traffic:

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1879/30306460818_604cf35912_b.jpg

I took some fruit and started reading a book that I bought yesterday - It turns out to be one of the best books I've purchased on the topic of water. Everything to to with how not to become Dehydrated and the consequences of what happens to the body once we live like so. I'll link some really great talks that I ended up listening to through out the day as I walked back as well as later on:

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1867/43448358444_0e7ca6a83a_c.jpg

There was more than enough direct sunlight under the canopy. You only have to step left of right depending on your preference for sun or shade. The dappled light was good all round.

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1812/29228909677_8835c9adb3_h.jpg



This relates to two of his book ... but pretty much the same thing.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dTmuIQ4USA


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Imperfect
08-21-2018, 02:40 PM
It's the morning of the 5th day without salt, sugar, oils, coffee, chips, dips, bread, grains and any form of take away or processed foods. Basically I have only been eating between 12pm-6pm In that time I only eat a wide variety of plants, vegetables, fruits legumes, seeds and nuts with perhaps a little bit organic raw coconut oil in my herbal teas. (Some micro nutrient powder in my shakes) I am only steaming the veggies as well. I'm no longer using any toppings at all. Just plain steam veggies. It's not as bad as it sounds. Last night I could actually taste the veggies even though they are not organic. Now that's saying something! I've been down this road before and whilst I would love to advocate ... I'm not preaching it. All I can say it WOW - Massive physical improvement over all. Joining the Gym and now having thrown myself head of shoulders back into clean eating ... all the research and practice from my previous efforts is paying off much quicker this time around. The hardest part for me as an addict (I beleive we all are this day and age) is how that initial leap is 99% psychological.

I admit I had more than several failed starts coming back into this life style given the nature of my recent challenges. Those challenges are still very much in the forefront with complaints still in process and various criminal allegations still in full swing - more challenges on the horizon; but such is life. In fact I woke up this morning oozing with negativity despite having a good handle whilst venturing into sleep. (no longer taking phone to bed) I was thinking about how I am being used as messenger between two different police stations who seem unable to communicate via email. The complacency in that and what I already know with regards to deception in the world ... well I started to wonder why I am even bothering with a system in which I have absolute no faith in.

Alas ... I rolled out of bed as I knew I could, and somehow ended up picking up a 'Meditations' book off my chest of draws.

I guess to bring this post into perspective ... I found myself after randomly reading page number 82, in contemplation of finding resolve in a book that felt awfully similar to Daily Devotions:

https://image.ibb.co/neO0kz/daily_bread.jpg https://image.ibb.co/j2MmQz/mediations.jpg

The former image being a booklet, that in my mind represents Christianity. Christianity being a world wide religious establishment that I was once devout in, but then ruthlessly betrayed and horrifically abused me. I have since come to see secular society as denyingly and deceptively part and parcel of the same self perpetuating suffering mechanism. These words I choose whilst seemingly on par with truth, also carry with them a lot of negativity that I know are holding me back. I have been for quite some time now struggling - in terms of losing that once sense of peace I used to obtain from having a deep core personal belief. (loosing that connection - takes time, skill and compassion to reestablish) More so the healthier aspect of personal realizations I once had with myself, but then to me known as some illusionary figure that others refer to as G_O_D. I see it as something else and always will now. That term is long dead to me but coming back to life in another form ... that exists within me ... but also around me ← when I'm in tune with my body. I think more on that later. Is not what main steam religious folk think.

The thing after reading the meditation in James Vam Praagh booklet, and knowing that he is a self professed medium that has accolades and thousands of profile pics adorned all over the internet and perhaps just as extroverted as the most devoted hand swaying, jumping and dancing charismatic christian, I could not help but sense how much I missed the peace I used to obtain from my daily devotions - now knowing I could return to as much without this need to refer to a or 'the' G_O_D to whom I have never known. That said I have has some pretty awe inspiring spiritual moments ... Just not with what most people think.
_________________________________

ANYWAYYYS ...

That meditation I read this morning connected deeply with me. I'll leave it upturned on my computer table and post about that a bit later. I think I let the above sink in for a bit more. I could really use likewise readings with all that I am going through at this time. It would make the process a lot more pleasing as I have to admit for all the cravings and detoxing I am starting to return to my more care free way of living. Just working more on how to endure this world without the need for drugs ... in any form.

I got a call yesterday from my younger friend who wants to head out of town and walk the beach head where I used to live prior to moving to town. He tends to focus on the negatives complaining about the same things without making any effort to address the most pressing issues. That said, I often do the same thing. I see that he is trying like myself which is why I don't mind staying friends and even during those times I find myself having to withdraw from others who unknowingly suck the life out of others ... I for the most part stay friends ... and if ... I myself have been careful enough not to drag others down ... my friends will continue to want to be with me. I'm pleased he is choosing to spend what little time walking with me.

For now I go move some weights and feel the good in that. Ear buds fully charged and loaded with an ambient environment that's far removed from the gym.

Adios until next post. ;)

Imperfect
08-22-2018, 07:00 PM
Went for a walk and listened to this ... seems like excellent advice:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWjSdwzOA6k

Pretty much doing a few of these principles now ... hence got to run ... adios until next post.

Imperfect
08-23-2018, 07:04 AM
Srry guys. I had to correct and re-upload my video as the audio was out of sync. Whilst I am not overly concerned with video professional standards (small video file size on purpose) … the audio at least has to be in sync. You’ll have to turn up the sound as I was just using my phone late at night whilst the others were asleep.

Here’s my original post:
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Late Night. After all my new username is Imperfect. One thing is for sure ... I am sleeping a LOT better. The no taking phone to bed is working like a charm. The clean eating ... well that is proving really hard. I caved in the last two nights with a bread roll. It's like coming off the most additive drug I have ever had. Just the sight of it! Not to worry ... it like when I gave up smoking. Just a small setback. I still gave up junk food X days ago and going strong all things considered.

Right now I am uploading a video response on youtube to another guys video who was talking about pretentious spirituality fake teachers. In hit he names a few comical youtubers that I have actually linked here before and one you also know D. Whilst others kind of defend the comical side of things ... I still get where this presenter is coming from.

His video can be found here → https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmsK7FwdfZs
My response video here → https://youtu.be/yDpm0X_gLhM
Take care guys.

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Imperfect
08-26-2018, 07:33 PM
- The Moon Is a Rising -

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1865/29351094467_f7738bfddb.jpg


Whilst at that same time the sun is a setting.

https://farm2.staticflickr.com/1898/43569764234_6e6f99b0f1_o.jpg

As usual it's been a dry winter of late, but as you can see in the sunset picture, we're starting to get a little rain. Although it's still a little cool in the mornings and evenings, the days are nice and warm. Snake season is well and truly under way. I'll stick to the side walk for a little whiles now. : ) The last four days I have been focusing on my routine. Making sure I keep my decision to maintain my mental health in good stead. It's easy to let procrastination and negative thought patterns drag me down. Such is atypical in the early stages of getting back up on my feet. Tis but the cycle of maintenance in an unstable world. During that walk above I started out with the sun at appropriately 20ish degrees higher; about an hour earlier. It's easy for me to just stand there and stare at the sun as it disappears over the horizon. Whilst most people are going for the windscreen visors as they drive into the sun, I'm just standing immobilized on the side walk in a retarded state. Seriously ... I smile when glimpsing those looking at me, driving by wondering what the fuck is that guy doing up on the raised sidewalk, standing there out in the cold breeze, in shorts and singlet, under the rain looking looking up into the sky in some kind of stupor ... in trance like state. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/laughing-hysterically-smiley-emoticon.gif ... Is all good ... I'm just taking my medicine is all. I'm sure it too has side effects but I got to say ... it's really helping. Most of my friends act like vampires when they exit their homes reaching immediately for their sunglasses. They cringe as they walk from the front door until they make it to the car or the next building. Walking out of an indoor mall without sunglasses results into a crippling reaction. It's true enough I'll suffer from macro degeneration but that's actually quite a normal process and of human ageing process. The benefits I am get through sound sleep and healthy vitamin intakes far exceeds the side effects of wearing sun glasses. I ware them only in extreme conditions as it should be. I find a hat a much healthier solution to stop me squinting. I don't squint in under Australian normal conditions any more. I find those that do are often the sick ones. That said it's taken me time to readjust or dial back my light sensitivity. Just like is has my circadian rhythm. I'll just say the over sensationalization and marketing of both sunglasses and sun screen increase risk for cancer far more than my outdoor exposure. Well actually I have said too much for most ... but I'm finding it all great motivation as usual. I guess I could just BS myself like most other sheep ... but narrrrrr ... I'm not normal. I'm 'special' and would not have it any other way. Just don't stare into the sun like me!!! ... actually I don't stare at the sun like that ... I stare into it in a special magical way. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/shocked/surprised-smiley-emoticon.gif
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The Gym is still going good - Treadmill as well. I am back to walking for an hour in the mornings before the sun comes up. I think of that as a preparation to being in a good state to greet the sun before it even shows up. It's actually a critical component to doing what I do in a safe way. Being tense constricts blood vessels. I am also huge on hydration now. Still reading that book but now understand so much more about the importance of that as it relates to everything we do. Yadda yadda ... who cares right? I do! It's my story and I'll cry if I want to. : ) All this said ... I'm still having cups of tea. I'm also back on the honey. I'll start whipping myself next month ... maybe. I'll have to wait and see. I'm using White Tea D ... so glad you mentioned it last year ... or the year before? No matter ... it's quite agreeable for me at the moment.

I best get ready. Lisa is going on the local News. It will be a third time for her. I second for me. This time it's about the Charity work regarding domestic violence victims. I'm nervous but trying not to think too much about it. Yep ... hearts pumping extra harder and faster now. Should of said nothing! : )

I think I will head off to the library and forget about it until I get a call. Come to think of it ... another healthy practice I have been doing is leaving my phone at home when I go out. I am loving that! Although this time I best take it.

Righto ... I think that's enough floating my boat. I'm doing well all things considered.

HMMMM ... Formal Police Interview Date now set for next week - Flourish Complaint in full swing. They offered up mediation, but more a means of pacification. I may or may not write about that later. Thing is I am having a few wins and all looking good despite ever present fear. The new PHaMS support person is working out really good as well. I'm looking to start my own Home Group with of course ... Lisa's permission.

For now ... phone has just run and getting nervous all over again.

Time to get ready for this news story. ( Edit - has been postpone for another day)

Adios until next post.

Imperfect
08-27-2018, 03:59 AM
Here's how we are all being bullshited ... Check out that water book I imaged. Once you realise that water and sunlight can heal us, you begin to see just how much we have really been hoodwinked by the so called professionals. People are so soft and sick now ... but more so addicted to the easy way out that they beleive the bullshit and even make excuses to avoid making the effort in letting go from all that shit that's killing us. I'm only just getting started at calling out all the BS - but know I am pissing in the wind doing so in a forum more meant for people that want to stay sick ... to stay hooked.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmUr6ZFgR1w

Next one also highlights the BS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUYOxnuzRHU

Next one takes effort ... again pissing in the wind.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zBBmh8xQhM&t=1528s

Adios ... no more posts. You can all go back to playing the game.

salvator here
09-02-2018, 10:32 AM
Just watched those 2 videos and I found them helpful. Been trying to get outside more and get sun before season changes, few more weeks I guess. Tried to go to a local fair but had to leave so that was a bust lol.

Wow this forum is dead as a door nail :rolleyes:

Anyway, sorry I've been absent, just got a lot going on here I guess. Struggle to get up and stay up every day. I do though.

Take good care and no need to reply if you've decided to not post anymore, I understand, trust me. I appreciated your help. I wish you the best.

domainer
02-25-2020, 03:23 AM
Changing our thoughts is a gradual process. Changing our perception about things requires the need to learn and unlearn many things. It requires the need to develop a sense of acceptance towards the views of others. Exposure to new thoughts enables us to see things with a much clearer perspective since we become aware. We develop a better understanding of ourselves and have better mental health as we start taking our own care. In the present scenario it is crucial to have different views to have a better understanding of the world around us and hence there is a need to change our thoughts and habits in order to create a world where humans not just exist but actually live happily.

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