My Head Space

[Ponder]

Time for a new thread. : )

Where was I? Oh yea:

Mental Health, Doctors & Being Easily Led. Being easily influenced. It's a recipe for major miss diagnosis and adds to existing low self esteem. I say existing low self esteem because it is one of the many elements within mental illness that lead so many of sufferers (like myself) to being easily led. Yet it's not that simple.

Other elements include a well meaning desire to help, miss information, fatigue, combined with one's low self esteem. Contrary to the welfare mentality I will also mention an entitlement mentality that comes more from the doctors point of view whom feels pressured to push mental health patients into boxes that many of them don't fit. It's part of the filtering process that is required to rule out what works and what does not.

There is no good or bad here. My aim in writing this is to depersonalize a current situation I am going through myself. The world is a stage and we all play our part. We best not lose sight of the roles we choose. Smiles at that random thought.
________________

So I have been requested/influenced to see psychiatrist after applying for my routine yearly mental health plan. (Note* Already on a Disability Pension for Mental Instability [must make side not of that as already been assessed])

Let's not lose context here ... instead lets counter this entitlement mentality that forces doctors to pressure as they do.


Notes I intent to use on the doctor with a support worker present.
TY for your concern, I already am on a Disability Pension and not currently under review. My current involvement with government funded psycho socialization communities, a personal helpers and mentor program and the last several years of psychotherapy have been going well. I also currently undergoing assessment with appropriate professionals at this current time. Re my psychologist, and I beleive an additional clinical psychologist who specializes in Adult ASD. Your concerns regarding Bi-polar has already been assessed via a psychiatrist at bla bla hospital ... and yadda yadda and more yadda yadda

OK - lets break away from the above train of thought. let's consider the pressure of having to go through this kind of resistance when applying for yearly government funding to see mental health professional for those of us who've already been deemed unfit. ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

How important is your mental health? If you don't agree with the doctor then why should we just go along with them? To do so would be risking ... becoming a full time victim. This is how I see most people coming and going to the GPs. So many vulnerable people giving up their power where they are then easily led.

It's not the doctors fault ... it's just the way our society is. It starts as depicted in the follow pic. One I took the same day I embedded in my other thread ... whilst out walking: No wonder people don't like going outside when being confronted with scene like this. Of course not an issue for those you subscribe/conditioned into Us & Them. Here is were winners and losers begin.



Smells like the Us & Them mentality through and through. Not strength based at all. Context in fence design and Stamp on the fence.
https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4767/39169808114_f7e391569c_h.jpg

This is part and parcel of the control factors that we must endure - live with. The mentor friend that came to where I liver the other days seemed to enjoy discussing about what he saw in this pic. The spikes on the fence that resemble more a prison, consequences stamped on the fence for all to see with said institution claiming ownership and property of individuals and their respective futures. This context becomes very apparent with each consecutive year as one is ushered/conditioned from Block A all the way to Block Z. You eventually learn its not about one's best interest but more about it's rulers and their authority.

It is here that we are all precondition to think, feel and speak the way we do ... in accordance to a set Principe. Failure to do so will result in prosecution. Sadly people fall for the illusion, for the false unity. They think they are protected under the flag - the so called community. Yet Us and Them rings loud from the fence. It's [deceptive] authoritative posturing like like this that have made us loose sight of what a real community is. Its fear driven is what it is. Instead with have government agencies ... not communities. This depicts more the beginnings of how we are led to think ... influenced to beleive. Just like sheep ... we become are easily led.
______________________________________________

I could of yelled and screamed - I felt like it for sure. Instead I remained silent, left my objection until I got home ... then contacted the psychologist, the mentor and thought it through. I then wrote up this thread. I will go back to the doctor and say 'No Thank you, I don't need to see a psychiatrist and politely explain the above in red.'

Don't be easily led. Know you labels, ware them well, utilize what is in the system and use it against itself. Know what the system is. It only works when you take responsibility for yourself. Don't let them own you. Remain silent in this deceptive world ... and you always be dictated to in a form as depicted above. A spiky fence that resembles more a prison where said institution claims your soul and future. Take it back ... Unlearn ... Own Yourself. Just let them think they own you and jump through the hoops ... above all ... don't let them screw you.

Adios ... until next post.
Editing finished .. OCD on that. :)

[Ponder]

Seen this one D?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMewKknfVJM

I thought it was interesting.

[Dahila]

No I have not but will mark it to watch it, thank you

[Ponder]

Not only with Herbs and Oils ... but you have taught me a few things on the topic of dreams. More so the use of Symbols. I am thankful for that as my religious background really made it hard for me to see past the use of symbols. I now accept and understand their power and the way in which they are commonly used. Marketing campaigns and your everyday perception management by society in generally is something I have always understood. In fact I am very sensitive to the subtle ploys used in every day manipulation/influencing techniques commonly used. However I can see that the use of symbols from a spiritual perspective (not religious) is more about how we operate at the primal level. The latter understanding helps me to filter through but more so → dispel - the 'evil' the 'fear' the deception, the conspiracy thinking, and over all negative mind sets associated with modern day and main stream use of symbols.

Does the above make any sense to you. I understand if not. : ) - Those of us considered mentally defective are quickly and additional labeled when it comes to our keen prescription on how symbols. I guess since waking up form all the influencing in society and especially since breaking away from main steam religions - You help as well as others regarding symbols has helped me adopt a new way of seeing.

I just leave it at that as I wishing to be more thankful for you help in this regard. Your opening up with personal experience re spiritual experiences, cards, readings, dreaming and your take on religion and the way symbols are used have played a huge role in the way I have opened up to such things. Of course we can still see differently but over all I am now feeling less threatened when I open myself up to the unknown. I do so a lot more creatively now and when I do struggle in my dreams - literally - I am OK with that now. In fact I kind of welcome the lucidity and experiences that take place ... even the confronting ones. Especially the confronting ones.

Just saying ... Thanks for you help in the area of symbols.

Hope this finds you well.

[Dahila]

oh often I am not sure where I am , still in the dream or in reality. You absolutely right I always look for signs and symbols, they are all around us, we just have to lose all that bs we were fed with all our lifes.
I am an atheist you could say, but it is not exactly who I am. I hate labeling people like you do, we are much more that labels we have pinned to us.
In my opinion people with heightened anxiety see more, they pick up the info others do not. The problem is when we focus on us.
Finally I put my focus on today, and what is happening right now, so my Blood pressure went down to normal. It is so bad that I react this way to a little bit of stress.
It is not mental it is physical and mental.
I had a dream about my mom, it is a warning one, it always is. Two or three weeks ago , yep the weeks were bad, I hope this is what the dream was about, Yesterday I could not control my car on icy road (it does not happen to me very often) and we had the freezing rain, I lost control over the car but in seconds remember what I should do. Our brain is incredible. Another 5 inches I would be in the ditch :) it left me shaky which added to my physical misery :)
I do not agree with being defective, I think most of people here are strong and extra sensitive, :) It is really nice to read the post :)

[Ponder]

So glad your OK!

Yea I have my support person coming back with me to see the doc to set her straight re her recommendation for me to see a psychiatrist. I don't doctor hop to run from them any more. I use the system against them. I will set her straight as previously mentioned. I will be sure to do so in a polite way. It's more about not being easily led and reminding them that the're supposed to help, not exercise some form of power and control. Psychiatrists are even worse when it comes to things like that in the lower socioeconomic bracket. Power trippers ... is what it is ... Some don't even know they do it, others do. I sometime ponder which abuse it worst, the child abuse or societal abuse.

I hope things with the family are ok?

Yea ... I hear ya about the sensitive ones having unique perspectives that are often dismissed.
_______________________________________________




Been playing lot of pc games but with my family. Lisa ... my wife is now playing as well. We are doing campaigns from a game that's like 20 years old! Command and Conquer Tiberian Sun: We all thought after hearing the sounds how uncanny it was to feel as though it was only yesterday! We were like OH YEA ... that was THAT game alright!

https://image.ibb.co/i0VRbw/Tsbox.png (https://imgbb.com/)


.... and been playing this one with my eldest daughter: Same effect with the sounds on this one. This game was WAY WAY ahead of its time. I was still building 486 computers when I marveled at the graphics and game mechanics of the first Age of Empires let alone this one. It still has a lot of followers on YouTube. We play this one on steam.
​https://preview.ibb.co/kzVnib/AOE.jpg (https://ibb.co/cmf9ww)

Lastly here I am as a mere peasant starting a new life in LIFE IS FUEDAL. My son is helping to set me up: Not exactly a vegan outfit.http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/rofl.gif
https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4745/39196910944_80e723e88a_h.jpg

So you see ... these pc games can actually help to keep families together. We use Skype and Discord to communicate as we work together through life's challenges. lol

__________________________________________________ _____________________


D if you made it this far ... excuse the PC Gaming

I found this very interesting doco on Netflix ... I wonder if you have seen it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH8sCEj1uIU

I'm not into Yoga as it's practiced and perceived in the west - same goes for Buddhism ... however I am into the spiritual concepts very much. This doco had some really great insights and I highly recommend. I know you have good filters for this kind of thing and am sure you would enjoy it more than not. The physical aspect is not so much about the lycra although there is one part in there that I thought was a little dogmatic ... Yogo school in the west. But that's just my view ... for the most part though ... and you know my skepticism and radar with the use of words like G-O-D ... other than that ... it really inspired me to start looking back inwardly ... especially with meditation big time.

Just thought it was worth a mention.

Take Care ... folks!

[Ponder]

Ponders how the system requires one to stay mentally defective in order to continue to assist. Thinking about letting go of Psychotherapy. For all it's good I think it leads to side effects. More so due to requirements for assisted funding. The process in which people are being read.

I've been having psychotherapy full on for over 7 years now. My problem is the recent issue with being misread (as usual / no ones fault as is systemic) by GP and now my therapist stating she is not paid to read my emails; all coming about during a lengthy period planing for a diagnosis of adult asd. I was of the thinking as I have come to understand the whole asd thing that we might of been onto something. Kind of makes a lot of sense to me regardless of my abusive history. (this is why adult dx is a complex thing)

BUT ... let me not lose track here. I'm just starting to see how this whole thing about constant psychotherapy may not be such a good thing for me ... or simply that I need a break from it. I certainly know well the pitfalls with regard to having to always go over one's story during those times of reapplying for a government funded mental health plan. It's in that process I am starting to feel burdened, demeaned and misread. There is also a dependency dynamic that plays into it all ... I think that becomes the barrel where people, professionals inadvertently play their role ... as do we.

I ponder more on this as to what it is that I really want and how I can continue to fit into this mold of proving myself for the food, water and air I breathe. In this world ... it all comes down to the money and how we play are part. ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz

There has to be a more effective way ... I guess it's about learning from the experience? What have I learned?

As above.

[Ponder]

Cut and past from a recent response I made in another thread:

Q. Discussion: How do you difference your symptoms from similar illnesses?
'By addressing the root causes that led to the labels. The less I focus on the labels, the more I am able to find and face the causes.'

​I guess therein lay the answer for me. The irony is I think I will see this ASD diagnosis out (if this therapists still wants to facilitate the process as I no longer trust her and require a support person to see her) - but once done and regardless of outcome ... I give up on that part of the system as how many times have I pointed to its futility.

Fancy having to feel like you need a support person to see a therapist you've been seeing for years? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I wonder how she will feel about that? Might have cut the cord already. We shall see. The ultimate irony. Either there are there to help, or they are not. $$$$$$ seems to dictate intention.

[Ponder]

Mt take on the systems GPMHTP (https://www.humanservices.gov.au/organisations/health-professionals/enablers/education-guide-better-access-mental-health-care-general-practitioners-and-allied-health) GP Mental Health Treatment Plan:

I think that will be the last K10 form I go through for a whiles. The system requires people to stay sick in order to justify helping them. Just seems counter productive to me. Playing the part is getting old and only serving to hold me back from the real me. Excuse my tone but ... Fuck Society!!!

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4655/25051438567_b3491aed3c_h.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/EaHaUB)


What's a K10 form? It's theform sitting to the right of my laptops monitor behind the plastic cup. More specifically it's just a tick and flick form a GP fills out in 15 minutes to warrant whether they should or should not allow you government funded sessions with either and or a registered psychologist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, or appropriately trained social workers and occupational therapists. Generally refereed to as a 12 month mental health plan (https://www.humanservices.gov.au/organisations/health-professionals/enablers/education-guide-better-access-mental-health-care-general-practitioners-and-allied-health) from a client perspective and a GPMHTP (https://www.humanservices.gov.au/organisations/health-professionals/enablers/education-guide-better-access-mental-health-care-general-practitioners-and-allied-health) GP mental health treatment plan from a practitioners point of view. Typically you get six sessions a year with the option for a letter requesting another four all within a 12 month period. For me, that's routinely been 10 sessions a year over the last several years. I had a break in between but then relapsed and started going regularly again. I know a thing or two about the process ... pros and cons. I'm going to write a little about what comes to mind as I get ready to pull the plug.

Once again forgive my tone. Society certainly needs some kind of measure in place for the ever growing mental illness that now plagues this world. Given today's trend with the 'Health Industry' and all the resultant services ... mental illness is set to boom! It already is.

Here's the thing. Most people accessing these government funded plans are within the lower income bracket of society. Lower Socioeconomic Types. With the majority being Welfare Dependent. So it is from this perspective I share. We have all heard from those the fervently defend the health care system. Many of those types have no idea what it's like from a long term welfare perspective. You get your retirees that only hit the welfare cycle in their later years. Like many of the doctors, they are hardwired to think only one way, lacking the insight that comes from beneath their feet. There is yet another type that defend the health care system. These being low income earners. They earn a living ... they too are hardwired to think only one way. Ownership and Property being the flag under which they subscribe. Just look at the the photo in the first post of this thread - the entrance into one of one of 'our' public primary schools - and let it sink in. Whilst there are many categories within this dynamic of society, I will just list the third as dog eat dog ... the undesirables grappling to climb the rungs in the hope to be accepted, to become free from shame and guilt. The last one is quite sad to see yet reveals the power of perception management in all it's glory. Now the latter I don't expect many in here to understand the context in how it is the we sheep be led as we be. That in itself is a completely different lesson in itself.

Russel Bran spells out quite well the economic disparity and the Zeitgeist Series have exposed the failing of societies monetary system. That's enough to have anyone to meet the K10 requirements to receive help; that is if we are not too scared to be honest with how that makes us feel. The problem is how these professionals have been taught to react when we reach out for help.
_________________________

K10 after K10 with random GPs who can never afford the time it takes to really know one's history not care enough to warrant the effort, in much the same way welfare resident, worn out, greedy and overworked psychs tick and flick then hand out their labels and prescriptions. My therapist really fucked up big time when she stated in her reply to me that she's not paid to counsel via email. It;s a little more complicate than that, however it set off the warning bells that shes finally wearing down like everyone else. Not personal of course ... not now as I fathom how the system wares us all down. I still take in a support person unless she objects.

Anyways ... this having to go over the story over and over in a extremely detrimental ... always having to prove how sick one is in order to receive an illusion of help ... carrot on a stick. Why have I been chasing it in the first place? I think it's obvious. I can't work. Not in a society the way our one is. Despite having the paper work to warrant my welfare payments ... why have I been wasting my time with psychotherapy? Initially like the medications I was given and took ... there is a honey moon period where it feels good. But I see now it comes are a cost!

Just like any long term relationship there is a co-dependency that builds up. I then play into the needy aspect resultant from all those years of abuse and rejection. This leads me into the 'I must prove myself mentality' The fact is you don't have to come from the lower bracket and or suffer an atypical background of abuse to suffer this disorder of need to prove ones worth. That's embedded in the system from school and up. It's the very thing doctors look for in order to warrant how they pass out the help. It really is as simple as that.

It's time for me to give up jumping through the hoops ... at least whilst I am not under review. Oh I will jump the hoops when I must. Therein lay another part of the problem. People acting the part they feel they must play in order to gain the need that they've been taught is a must; in order to fit in with the US. It's a script that people adopt whether they like it or not. It's the one we are given - but then when we lose ourselves to it; it becomes real! Not a good thing in a complacent system. The system itself will drive you insane. The re-telling of one's story begins to feel like an iteration, the lack on care and information as to who you be and resulting miss guided referrals lead only to more pain. With the re-telling comes re-labeling ... around and around ... again and again.

Fuck them and their system ... You really need to be careful when you hear those words so flimsy said "Go See Your Health Care Professional." Sure you may need to see them, but do so only as a means to an end. This lesson more for those of that have lived long enough to know. If you don't know ... then your probably better off going to see your health care professional. When you have been sick for long enough ... the penny will finally drop.

Tuesday I am suppose to see this therapist that I no longer trust. I wonder how the support worker will respond for my request for them to come. hmmmmmm ... Truly like I said earlier .. a sad day when you need support to see a therapist. Only reason is I will take the DX on ASD because it's less stigmatized than the fucking way I get treated when I list the labels on my previous report ... most of which the GP that just did this last K10 only knew of one. This brings me to the question why bother going back to her? Because I have the option for support and I want to simply thank her for her suggestion but NO ... she missed some crucial information and here it is. Also to let her know the experience of such is reason why I'll be no longer seeking to put myself through such a negative experience.

I've enough history and experience to snap back into the roll if and when the time is required. In some ways I think I see myself as a professional head case retiree. Time to hand up the gloves. No need to keep beating myself up. If I am going to bitch about that part of the system ... then it's time to give it up.
__________________________________________________ ____________________

Will I give up the mentoring plan and also the mental health community place I frequent from time to time? I think I will keep it going as it's a different kettle of fish. There are some facets that work well enough. They don't require me to retell, endure their recommendations ... more opinions that dictate my funding. Yes they do have requirements, but they are easily met once on has a label that sticks. I'm just not seeking help through the allied health plan as listed above. Long term it becomes toxic ... I also think the long term seeing of a psychologist can be just as detrimental. Keep you clinging to being sick ... all those K10 defiantly do that combined with complacent professional attitudes ultimately driven by status and monetary value.

Indeed Fuck Society! ... but what do I know ... I'm just byproduct:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yY3ZrKd6SD8

Even better → 1 2 & 3 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z9WVZddH9w&list=PLACixZkUG8spb3YM5ZyUuJsHxv0DI385Y&index=3) in that order. Is a huge watch ... hopefully your ready.

[Ponder]

It was 2014 when I turned that tables and gave up the pills that where given to me for my suicidal feelings. For me all the pills they handed out regarding anxiety and depression where short lived experiences of relief that only served to mask the pain and subtly lead to more where in the end I found myself to be worse than I was before. If you get the gist of those links above; you'll understand why it is the system creates the need. No matter ... just go see the GP and take your pills like a good little boy and girl.

Why is this year so hard to get back on track compared to those others where despite the ups and downs I managed to keep my cycles smooth and low. I think I see it now. It's not so much the psychotherapy itself. That does have potential as long as one - mmmmmm - I want to say 'stays in control' - BUT - I think better said 'is able to let go.' The striving to staying in control is not a good thing, but letting go is where it's at. Short term therapy can help and I even think with the right kind of support long term could help hard and complex cases like myself. So don't be put off by my story. Psychotherapy can indeed help.

My problem and issue is more to do with the ongoing rigmarole of constantly having to prove. Not the needy aspect that's ingrained in us all, but from the health care system that must prioritize funds in order that one may be approved. The latter aspect has a way of inflaming the former combined with the prerequisite of always remaining sick in order to maintain ongoing support. In this way, no matter the potential of help - one will inevitably be held back whilst subscribing to a system like this. It's why this year I am struggling so hard. I see it now.

I think I will have to give up this ploy with ASD. Just like the Disability Pension the thought did not come from me. With that I resisted until such time I let go and just let things unfold. It was then that the urge to make a stand and accept what was required came to be where I made a stand. The irony was that in the end I accepted what was. I see now going back with support to tell the doc is my stand, my way of having my say before I truly give up and let go. Not in the way of taking the pills - but saying NO - this is why I am letting you and the psychotherapy go. I just got to let that foster a little bit over the next two days. Hold it without bitterness so I can really let them know. Enough is enough. Time for me to go back to healing myself. Their system is too toxic. It has it's moments - but in my experience ... from the hard and complex case - there system of approval is flawed. It's run its course. From here what happens happens.

I have a few ideas and still stick with a few of my aims which are flexible with changing welfare reforms. I'll steer my boat in alignment with what makes sense ... I'll still jumping hoop but not in the manner or be so quick as I've been. Time to stop living in fear. I think this aspect of attachment has been my biggest hurdle of all. It's one thing to see society for what it is, it's another to truly detach.

This year I work on that.
_______________________________

Back To Healing Myself ...

[Ponder]

The misconception of "Anxiety Being Cured!"
Excerpt from → What Anxiety Does To Your Brain And What You Can Do About It
Alan Henry (https://www.lifehacker.com.au/2016/12/what-anxiety-actually-does-to-your-brain-and-what-you-can-do-about-it/)Dec 14, 2016, 9:00pm (https://www.lifehacker.com.au/2016/12/what-anxiety-actually-does-to-your-brain-and-what-you-can-do-about-it/)
"Anxiety itself is a natural human response that serves a purpose. Our goal shouldn't be to dismiss it entirely but to make it a healthy, manageable part of our lives. Even if you don't suffer from an anxiety-related disorder, anxiety is part of our world, the same way stress, sadness and happiness are. The key is understanding how to cope with it in a healthy way."

I found the part about GPs interesting. The article does push medication and also comes from a well known Marketer [Beyond Blue] within the industry and no doubt like GPs gets many kickbacks for its alignments, aims, recommendations and influencing. That said it does seem to offer up some truths that ring home for me.

'How I Cured My Anxiety!" ... really is now starting to sound desperate compared to today's main stream articles written by those well established in the field.

I think the link above really does give good perspective over all.

If I don't snap out of it soon, I think I will join the ranks of many others and go back on meds. My issue stand with the current system of always having to be sick in order to receive ongoing help. Not quite that simple, yet simple enough for those who've been in the system labeled for many years; decades.

How to break that cycle is not a part of the article - you find many written on that. At least not by those in the industry.
_________________________________

MONDAY - Tomorrow I see the therapist whom as you now I no longer trust. I hope to hear back today from the mentor fella. I will txt him for a reply this morning. I really am done with all this system and want out. Alas ... I see what happens tomorrow and will share. I am just as concerned about making myself understand with the GP on the following day.

On these two matters I admit my head is spinning, but that fact in no way should be used to minimise my points. Sadly such symptoms are quickly pointed out that our concerns are none other than twisted perceptions and that my friends is where we sufferers are commonly misunderstood. I know what others mean when saying such things and not closed to the point of maladjusted perception through persistent anxiety, but you know when such statements come from from an angle know as calling cards when all involved become frustrated with high levels of dysfunctional communication which in my case is happening more and more.

My angle I think is going to be ... instead of taking medication, I will seek to use the personal support for ongoing appointments due to this inability of my said twisted perception so that I can be sure to be clear and convey much of what Is said in this thread.

Yea sounds like a plan ... I think I better know how to follow up on this request for personally support re these Gps and said health care professionals. I no longer feel able to effectively answer their questions without support. I think all of the above makes for a good point what there are some of us that need such services when it comes to personal helpers and mentors. At first I was resistant and considered it extreme - that I be more like a retard for allowing myself to end up in such need. Being able to articulate has often been thrown back in my face. It's now been said up to a point that I really feel I can no longer articulate for myself. It's funny how that's happened ... it's really pissed me off. That's why I now feel more mute when fronting up to places of so called help.

My strengths are not being ashamed to speak up in here and tell it like it is. Help is out there ... I am not saying it's not ... I'm just sinking in another level of complexity that exists more for longer term 'claimants' - 'dependents' - 'byproduct' and the damage that arises from that having to repeat your story, the lack of record keeping, misinformation and so on. This feeling of having to fit the prerequisites under a system that requires many checks and balances in what is still a stigmatized filed - Mental Illness - only adds to the fear within the angst itself.

There is some form of relief to be found in the local facilities popping up where mentally effected people can socialize in a safe and nonjudgmental atmosphere. That I am thankful for. We need a lot more of them. Sometimes I wonder how twisted the perception of the well adjusted are towards such services and wonder if society would do better to put more focus on assessing it's own point of view. Sigh ...

Thx for listening.

[Ponder]

I feel I have some big choices to make. Letting Go Completely - is on the horizon for me. I really am SO SO TIRED of all my clinging. I'm over the learning as is presented in this following vid. Like he says, we never stop learning - but suffering only ends when the searching ends. I've been battling with ego for a lonnnnnng time. I get that. That's been my true soap box. I've palmed things off with my "I am my own audience" song. I know now that I've been floating my boat. But that's OK - I've done and said what I've had to say and do. The hypocrisy, the irony ... all of it ... I own it all so that I can be rid of it. I don't beleive it will all truly be gone, but I do feel a deep desire to stop searching and even stop learning.

Looking forward to no longer telling but just living.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92EHTRPJugU

Yet ... tomorrow I still have some searching to do + the day after that to put a nail in the my coffin re the GP and all that.

Is OK to feel all weirded out with above vid ... I get that. Is a hollow message for the learned.

Is just an inkling for my new direction. A new injection of mojo for my next cycle of letting go. Give it a label if you must. Point and case on our need to continually to do so; as explained by the fella above. Yea I know, is hard to hear and your either into it or your not. Just logging it in to remind myself my time for searching is coming to an end. Not quite there yet ... but it is coming.

Nighty Night. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Ponder]

The days drama was relatively smooth. :) Worked out a good plan with therapist thanks to having support which went a long way to clearing my perspective and had me in a better light where the psychologists could also get a better understanding of just where I'm at. All I need do now is get the GP up to speed ... then I can relax once all are on board. It's a full time J-O-B if you want to be understood and not lead astray in a medical model that requires people to stay sick in order to receive $$$ funded support.

Good days work over all. Only one more to go. :)

[Ponder]

Cities Skylines: My City is going well. I have provided a lot of walkways for pedestrians to help with city traffic. Has been a good distraction. ZZZZZZzzzzzzz Night night.http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/sleep/sleep.gif

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4671/26111565278_c83a3cc4c4_h.jpg (https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/26111565278/sizes/o/)

[Dahila]

I am here...............

[Ponder]

... and I am thankful for that. :) Thx D

[Ponder]

How's your computer going these days D? I know you like you computer and the time you get to have on it. Will you be looking to update some time soon? May be a new screen? There are some really nice looking screens out there now. I've been looking at the ultra wide ones. Very immersive and great for multiple webpages without the need of having two or three screens.

[Ponder]

Mission Accomplished! Going back with a community service worker by my side and a previous report used to pension me off nailed the outcome I was looking for with the GP. You really do got to use the system against itself in order to be heard. I was thanked for my persistence and now feel much better knowing I finally have a GP on my side. It's a big gamble doing what I did as I have had previous GPs get their backs up against the wall which only made things worse for me. Very happy with the last two days W-O-R-K. Now I can go back to the business of stability as I best know it.
_______________________________

[Dahila]

I am actually looking for upgrade I started to have a bit crowded computer, and the screen, I do not watch tv so I do need a good screen The only problem is with Windows 10 (i can not afford the Mac) I do not like it, Ted have laptop with W10 and I get kind of lost there. I should read some guides but eh never have enough time for it. I keep hidden some cash when this one crashes I would be forced to get new one.

[Ponder]

Have you considered doing something like this → Problem Solved! (https://www.laptopmag.com/articles/make-windows-10-like-windows-7)

I'm not sure what windows you found to be more user friendly but there are apps out there that can make one operating system a little easier to use through changing the desktop interface to mimic an older version that others find more familiar. Just a thought. My wife did it with nearly every release of operating system. I remember once doing it myself. I think I was emulating a Windows 2000 Desktop at one stage whilst using XP. Eventually both my wife and I would come to use the more modern one in time.

The biggest hassle is when the OS changes all those vital directories / shortcuts when one is a power user. Like when changing the path to a lot of useful background features or enable others that are not usually on. I think the move to make drastic changes here and there sets back the ease with pirating software. Just a thought. I may be wrong but it kind of makes sense to me. The more effort people have to go through to achieve a goal, the less they are likely to do it. The opposite of pacification; make life harder. The changes also make it easy to spam us with all that BS which I wont go into.

If I may go on as is a relative topic I am currently researching like crazy at the moment (Despite recent guru claims of no longer learning ... although completely different dynamic)... Remember when Windows 10 first came out and some of us made posts in this forum. I was one that hated windows 10 with a passion due to all the BS pasted on the front end. I quickly learned how to avoid and turn all that shit off. Not completely ... but is rarely a problem for me now. Despite my passionate distaste early on for windows 10, I have now come to see it as one of the better Microsoft OSs out of previous releases. It's quite compatible off the bat and when fine tuned runs like a bat out of hell. Maintenance seem much easier than in the past. The auto features seem to work seamlessly.

BUT - I totally get where your coming from. It took me quite a while with plenty of free time to adjust. I do 'everything' on my PC.
_________________________________________

Hows the artisan work coming along? You still enjoying the process without getting to caught up in the politics and economy? Would love to hear how that's going. The good .... and the bad if you so wish.

[Ponder]

If your just looking for a Hard Drive upgrade regarding more space for your computer D ... I think any of these might suit your needs well.

The 7 Best SATA Hard Drives to Buy in 2018 (https://www.lifewire.com/best-sata-hard-drives-833475)

If your not into gaming or photo/video editing like myself I don't think you can go wrong with any of those.

I'll be grabbing one of the above for my Storage Space ... but will run my OS, Gaming and editing off a couple of SSD drives. Can't lose out on the SATA for storage though. Some cheap/affordable but more importantly reliable options above. That said ... you never know D ... I've had some die on me with everything stored in one place.

[Dahila]

you talking about extrenal or internal and which one is good, without my son I am lost

[Ponder]

These would be Internal. Internal SATA (aka - mechanical drives) Typically have two cables 1 Power - 2. Data.

Are you wanting space on your Primary Drive → C:

If so you would have to reinstall your Operating System replacing that one. Some people might just copy and paste however I can not recommend that.

The instillation process can be found on you tube. It will ideinfy the two cables (Power and Data) showing you where to plug them in. However if you have multiple internal drives and not sure what your doing - I would say wait until your son is able to help.
___________________

On the other Hand ... if your happy just to use an external drive for your storage space (just photos, videos, documents, Software Install files, and other programs) and not use it to run programs from ... then leave me to it and I will link the best budget ones I would choose.

So ... which were you thinking of ... You said your desktop space so I am now wondering was it your internal primary drive or may an internal secondary/storage drive ... or you just looking to upgrade an external with perhaps more space?

[Ponder]

These would be Internal. Internal SATA (aka - mechanical drives) Typically have two cables 1 Power - 2. Data.

Are you wanting space on your Primary Drive → C:

If so you would have to reinstall your Operating System replacing that one. Some people might just copy and paste however I can not recommend that.

The instillation process can be found on you tube. It will ideinfy the two cables (Power and Data) showing you where to plug them in. However if you have multiple internal drives and not sure what your doing - I would say wait until your son is able to help.
___________________

On the other Hand ... if your happy just to use an external drive for your storage space (photos, videos, documents, Software Install files, and other programs) and not use it to run programs from ... then leave me it to me and I will link the best budget ones I would choose.

You said your desktop space? ... so I am now wondering was it your internal primary drive or may an internal secondary/storage drive ... or you just looking to upgrade an external usb drive to allow for my file space?

[Ponder]

Here is a fairly straight forward one and a half minute instructional video showing the basics of installing a SATA drive into your computer and attaching it to your motherboard:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-NQibvg3vA

http://www.buildeasypc.com/hw/howto/install_sata_hard_drive.htm

http://www.buildeasypc.com/

The only thing I would add is that in the video above ... take note of those blue SATA inputs → here (https://youtu.be/D-NQibvg3vA?t=77) that these inputs will have a priority/order which will be noted in the BIOS. You usually access the BIOS/SETUP via F2 or F11 by holding done the function key for a couple of seconds whilst powering up your PC. If Replacing C drive ... you want to plug your SATA into priority 0 or 1 depending on your motherboards listing. If you already have more than one SATA hooked up ... just look for the priority 0 connector ... pull that out and then reboot. If your pc cant start ... it's a safe bet you just unplugged you Primary C drive and now know which SATA port to plug yours into.

If any of that makes sense with the instructions above ... then you wont need your son.
____________________________________

Hows that sound to you? You can just add an internal drive by adding an extra one if you have spare SATA ports just by plugging a new one into said spare port. ( a lot cheaper and faster running an internal one and you can get much more space as well compared to an external - BUT an external may do just as well if all this is too much to take in without your son) In most cases you wont have to do anything ... unless windows has an issue with recognizing the size of new drive. In that case you restart ... hit the appropriate function key to go into setup - Google SATA configuration ... and yadda yadda.

ANYHOOOOW it may depend on the age of your computers motherboard as to exactly what keys you hit to enter into BIOS mode as to the layout and choices you get in there.
__________

I'm going back to researching monitors for a whiles. :)

[Dahila]

I have sata in my computer at the time 4 years ago as it was build it was pretty expensive one, yeah I should install another one for just windows ,,,,,,,,,yeah there is a thing if I reinstall windows I am loosing few nice programs I love it, now is not way to get it. I am thinking that I should change the size of my partition iwth windows, I have so much unused space, My son made it one hundred for windows , and it is not enough even I turned off so many options

[Ponder]

I Hope this help you D. I know it did me when I had to do it. No software needed! :) Read my instructions ... watch tutorial... then do both. Take your time. Proceed slowly and you will nail this!!!
____________________

About the tutorial and why I chose it:

There a many tutorials but most involve using software to extend C: Another confusion with other tutorials is people only showing how to delete partitions and not shrink. You wont want to delete your other partition if you have stuff you want to keep. This is why I had to go with this annoying tutorial. I say annoying because the music (not choice of music just sound whilst thinking is all) is no good for my brain and they also throw the mouse all over the place.

I had to MUTE the music and use the pause button to come up with the following:



Extend the size of C: Drive without any Software:
Please allow me to explain the process. The tutorial video is not an easy watch if you don't know what's going on. Again I only shared it because there is not many that show you how to correctly extend C without using Software or deleting your secondary. This way we only shrink your secondary allowing you to keep all your files on both C & D. Something I am sure you can appreciate and more than likely want/need.

Find Disk Management:
1. Open File Manager (Windows Explorer) On the left hand side search for 'This PC" Right Click and then left click 'Manage" Once it opens ... look for 'Disk Management'
2. OR simply hit Windows Key + X to Find 'Disk Management'

Above method not in tutorial
__________________________________________________ ________

Note* This tutorial shows a number of partitions. You may not have as many. Just work with what you have. More than likely just Use your D:

D is the letter usually given to your next partition found to the right of C. Having the new partition your about to create and delete → needs to end up sitting on the right of C - in order for C to be able - to be extended. (This point was not shown in other tutorials which lead others having to use software to resolve)
____________________

1.Working with D: drive - Right click on it to shrink Volume
Take your time here to calculate how much you want to take from your secondary drive. I assume you will already have stuff on it. In that case you will only be able to take so much from it. Bare in mind it is good to have some empty space left on all your drives.
Me being dyslexic and all - I usually eye ball / calculate looking in windows explorer - then adjust the numbers according to that. Just take your time working at the numbers is all. The measurements are in Megabytes. 100000mb = 100GB I know you probably know that ... Despite me knowing it I still get confused with all the numerals being so close. I'm fucked up like that with both letters and even when people speak - that's another story ... srry too much text.

2. NOW WORKING WITH UNALLOCATED Partition: This should now be on the right of D: Right Click on the Allocated Partition & select 'New Simple Volume' Don't mess with the default settings ... just click NEXT all the way to FINISH.

3. NOW DELETE D: Right Click Delete BUT Make Sure this D: drive is in fact the size of new space your wishing to merge with your C:
I do not have a spare laptop to try this on and was confused initially when presented with this step in the tutorial. I was like WTF delete D???? However I understand the new space you created has been assigned the D: letter whilst the left over space from your original D: is now called I ... although this may be different in your case. JUST BE AWARE of the size of the drives you are messing with.... D: will usually sit directly to the right of C: and is exactly where we need it to be in order for C: to be extended. Just remind yourself of the file size you intending to extend into C and look for that sized partition for the next step.




4: FINALLY YOU CAN EXTEND C: Just right lick on C: and select Extend ... hitting next until you FINISH!

__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __

Here is the Video Tutorial ... Up to you ... but I found it way easier turning the music off/mute and using the pause button and taking my time to read.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNSI-p4YHZE



Does this help you at all D? I know you know a lot about PCs ... Even though I know a bit myself, I still need to go back and check how things are done ... brush up kind of thing. Which is why I took the time to do this for myself. I hope your feeling a little more confident in extending the size of your C drive now. It's important to have space on both drive.

100GB is not enough for your primary drive given the amount of OS/Security/Browser Updates not to mention all the associated windows software that get puts on without the choice the D: ... I highly recommend that when you have to chance to install to D: with whatever program you install from this point on ... that you choose to use D: as your new install directory.

I use a 250GB SSD Ram Chip ... but whilst alra fast for my OS ... it's a full time job not to over fill my C: ... If you take your time with the above ... you should be able to rectify your problem regarding lack of space on your C:

Good Luck :)

PS ... out of curiosity what size is your secondary and how much free space is on it ... I could give you my ball park figure as to what C: drive would best be given your figures ... other than than ... aim to add 400GB if you can ... BUT will depend on the size for your secondary and how much you currently have on that. If you a limited ... just add what you can to free up space.

C: drive with 300GB total should suffice if you keep on eye out and aim to install most things on D: (Like I say ... I struggle with C: @ 250GB) Anything has to be better than 100GB The years have rolled on and so have the file sizes. : )

Those of us with 250GB typically use the faster drives which cost a lot more ... if we could ,,, I dare say most power/ enthusiasts would rather 500GB SSD/ram chips for their primary ... OK I get on with my day.

Hope this finds you well.

[Ponder]

Perhaps the latest Vlog entry might interest you more, however it's much of the same old ramblings. I don't mind them because it's part of my own process of conditioning. Part of getting back on my Bike. This year plan is consist of a 6 month target up to my supposed payout if in fact it eventuates. I suspect these Vlog entries will continue more as a personal practice withing my own space. Don't be a stranger though as your presence and advice is highly valued D. Is OK ... I'm not smacking myself in the head this time round. ;)

Video feed cuts out half way due to battery running flat. Story of my life. LOL all good ... not an entertainment vid at any rate. Just Vlog therapy ... nothing more.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7F1toisGGA&feature=youtu.be

[Ponder]

I think I will throw this into my plans this year as well. With whatever ever change I have left over after visiting my mother. I will start by ordering off eBay from China:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EA0Z9v1FqQ

I live in the perfect location for flying kites, but weirdly I hardly see anyone doing it? I wonder why that is? There are some really graceful kites out there with most being much easier to transport than a surfboard or kayak. Less taxing to do as well. Perfect for Anxiety and Depression no doubt.

[Dahila]

thank you, I have C and E , E has 278 giga of space can be more I keep things there I do not need will print it started to watch video thank you so much I copied it and printed and now I neeed to spend some time reading it

[Ponder]

It's a good skill to know D. On my older laptop I partitioned one of my drives to run Linux on it whilst keeping windows. I would then choose during start up which operating system I wanted to use. For now though ... this this whole Kite Flying research is captivating me. Whilst there is some information on the subject online, I'm off to the local town Library as I found some good books browsing their online catalog.

[Ponder]

From one of the books:


Two Kites. Not sure about the attention this kind of flying would get me, but I figure it would be more positive than what I got when flying the drone a few years back.

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4606/28273757309_eb2a0055bb_b.jpg (https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/28273757309/sizes/o/)

[Ponder]

I had a fairly brisk walk in the rain this Sunday morning with no one on the streets. I had a big umbrella which kind of got me excited about kite flying by the time I got home. Here's another pic from one of the books:

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4672/40053456621_0110e5d557_o.jpg

I've decided I am going to get into stunt kite flying after all. I'll go on about my reasons a bit later if not only to learn more as I go along.

Until I spam my next post.

See ya then.

[Ponder]

I love the look of this one:

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4678/40090820711_76505a3653_o.png (https://youtu.be/4dwfuOwGpxo?t=62)

[Dahila]

wow,,,,,,,,,,,, wow
today I had my real doctor appointment and I am friggin impressed, He is awesome , Send me to podiatrist, to check the lung capacity, changed the meds for better , spend an hour explaining everything ;) It is so cool ......

[Ponder]

That's encouraging to hear D. Is nice when people actually listen to us and then go on to help. I hope this continues for us both and that your health continues to improve.

Lisa and I have had some marriage problems but I think as before we will overcome. Stuff like that happens the longer we live. Feeling better today as I'm still getting support at the mental health groups I attend. Going to another one today. Today the Little fella has his first day at kindy school. They specialize with delayed kids as well as neurotypical ones too. I try not to think too much about his first day as you know how close I am to him and also my aversion to a system that cannot be changed. Not to worry ... he might slowly learn how other kids don't ware nappies. Sadly he and his mum have been getting a lot of negative looks still regarding the judgement of others when out shopping and so on. It will do him good to be around a few others like him ... bit like me where I go to so my socializing. hahahahaaaa Byproduct ... is what it is.

I will walk there today although already did my hour walk. Lisa will need the car. I see if I can bum a lift back when group is finished. My eating is slowly improving - although I made pancakes this morning. Fucking Awesome they were!!! I did eat a small pineapple half hour before that though.

I soaked 1Tps of Chis Seeds for the Egg like effect and Soy Milk instead of Dairy + Nut butter. I now have something yumming that I will aim to make twice a week. It will be like my bacon and eggs that I no longer eat. I don't usually subscribe to Studies, but I think the general consensus is in with the detrimental effects of Bacon and the like. Eggs ... I know for a fact my digest can't handle ... especially since the gall bladder came out. If and when I do have eggs ... its a rare occasion and I generally benefit from the bile salt which cost an arm and a leg to sustain and also no good long term. Arrrrr ... talking food again hey. Must be getting better or heading into another round of eating clean.

Later ...

[Dahila]

yeah it is not easy with the small one but hopefully he will copy others and it is going to be progress. You guys on the other hands you are exhausted with all problems that never end, Are u surprised you do eat as comfort cause I am not.
I had such difficult day but no panic attack nothing, rather the opposite I feel like a human being , Can you imagine, no panic attack in doc office for me?
He added medication for me for blood pressure it will also slow down the heart beat, lately I wake up with 100 beats it is scary .
My hubby is pissing me off so much, whatever frustration he has he puts it on me. I do not like it at all
i do not use flour but make a huge pancake using almond flour, it is like 5 g of carbs in it, and it is delicious with cheeeeeeese f************* awesome !!!

[Ponder]

Cheese affects me more than the flour but still flour no good. Twice a week at only 1/2 cup per serve will be max for now. Eventually I work myself off when I feel the need. Bit like you and your cheese. You made me laugh. TY.

Yea we all feed off eachother. Even happens in here.

[Ponder]

Heading out to fly a kite. Feeling very self couscous about it. Only way to overcome it is to just go do it. See what happens I guess.
Adios.

[Dahila]

there is nothing better than flying the kite, I know you will have a lot of fun. I had done it many times with my children and with grand one too;)

[Ponder]

I get what your saying D. Thing is the world has changed so much. Everything we do these days about requires some form of registration and rules to comply with. A plane flew over quite low today which prompted me to contact the Civil Aviation Authorities when I got home. If turns out there are indeed a restrictions on flying kites similar to those of tethered balloons, drones and remote controlled unmanned areal vehicles. By the days end of researching I finally found out why I am not seeing many people flying kites this day and age. Granted our mobile devices and digital entertainment addictions play mostly into that, however I was disheartened to find out that kite flyers must adhere to the ever tightening drone laws of our modern day. If your part of a club, licensed, certified or doing some kind of commercial approved job; you might qualify for an exemption based on various conditioned agreed upon and planned before your proposed event. Once you digest that ... it kind of takes the wind out of your sails!!! LOL

You might think NAAARRRRRRR how could that apply to flying a kite?
Civil Aviation Safety Regulations 1998 ← still applies for today as I spoke on the phone with the appropriate person - Civil Aviation Authorities:
Table of Contents:
Part 101 D - Tethered balloons and kites
Subpart 101.D Tethered balloons and kites:
Subpart section → 101.110
https://www.legislation.gov.au/Details/F2017C00742/Html/Volume_3#_Toc493165540

Long story short - there are a LOT of No Fly Zones as well as many Restricted Zones that most people today are not aware of. This lack of awareness seems to of led many local councils banning pastimes such as flying of kites to ensure the safety of our ever growing number of air traffic vehicles now frequenting the skies like flies at the local tip/dump.

I think there is a grey area in relation to the context of 'Tethered balloons and Kite' as in the term more meaning 'Tethered Kite' - which is usually those single line kites flown well above 40m ... typically around 100m. In Australia drones can not go above 120m/400ft unless approved. Getting approval is a headache! How to get around this. Hmmmmm ...

First Off. I will be aiming to fly a stunt kite on about a 25M line. I'm pretty sure this does not fall into the 'Tethered Kite' category. So not to worried about that other than your general bylaws/safety and all that. Easy enough to negotiate ... although No Fly Zones I think are a No Go for Any Kind of areal activity. I live in a NO FLY ZONE!

BUT - I am intending to fly Tethered Kites which is why I am educating myself before embarking full speed into this new hobby. You know how I get once I take something on. Regardless if I drop it 6 months from now - LOL - If I am not careful ... before I pull the pin I may very well attempt to launch a weather balloon. hahahahah ... already remember talking about that some time back.

Here is an app that tells you where you can fly:
I live near the Helipad! In the No RED fly Zone - The Orange Zone is a Restricted Fly Zone which covers most of the beach front in my local area. The warning is a bit vague to me ... so I contacted them asking them to clarify. As there is another statement on their website that goes a little like this:
You may fly within 5.5km of a non-controlled aerodrome or helicopter landing site (HLS) only if manned aircraft are not operating to or from the aerodrome. If you become aware of manned aircraft operating to or from the aerodrome/ HLS, you must manoeuvre away from the aircraft and land as soon as safely possible. This includes:


not operating your drone within the airfield boundary (*without approval)
not operating your drone in the approach and departure paths of the aerodrome (*without approval)


https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4745/40131359971_994b18a2bd_o.jpg

100 grams .... LOL .... Yes there are plenty of Kites that weigh more than 100 grams and if they are up in the air within that orange boundary whilst there is an aerial vehicle incoming or outgoing one must immediately ground their kite upon becoming aware. Reading the CASA statements re 'You may fly ..... only if ..... bla bla' Is all well and good ... but what a fucking headache. There is a LOT of traffic these days and I guess why we have these laws.

So if your still following this post D - you see what I mean about the world not exactly being the same when it comes to hassle free outdoor activities. Of course clubs are exempt. Or if you spend thousands of $$$ on competing a course and becoming certified ... Sigh ... will take too long to explain but also plays into this day and age regarding one's approval to do the things they love to do. Smiles - not to worry.
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This is a kite tethered to a hand: (these can easily exceed the AU Drone height restriction of 400ft/120m)
https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4657/26257482938_342f765b5f_b.jpg


Some more tethered kites at a kite festival: You can be sure this event was logged in with local aviation authorities.
https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4650/39232249675_410a194cbb_h.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/22LPwZR)


As far as I can tell, the stunt kite although technically tethered to the hand ... is not a high flyer as such: 25-35m is well under a landing planes path. If they were that close ... I'd be more worried than copping a fine. But I can see how high flying tethered kites pose a problem though. It's a pain I really don't want to have to worry about.
https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4615/26257258458_2d754c6be2_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/G1gj9J)
The stunt kite however is still regulated on the ground and for good reason; they can travel up to speeds of 100 miles per hour! None the less I think less of a headache until I hear back on the grey area of 'pilot awareness' with a 5.5km radius of an uncontrolled airdrome.

Now to think were I will go fly a stunt kite. I ponder to think about all the images and videos of city dwellers taking up space on the beach. It's hard enough dodging fishing line on the beach where I live let alone having to dodge stunt kites on some overpopulated beach. Narrrrr - only crazy people fly stunt kites on a busy beach ... yet ... you do see the weirdest things these days. People can be so ignorant ... yet I guess I can be easily viewed as over the top. I always have a hard time drawing the line. I just need to know the pros and cons before entering into the unknown. You know how it is with us fixated types. : )

NOW - to go research launching a weather balloon!

[Ponder]

Space X Falcon Heavy Rocket without all the BS atypical hysteria and ignorance

https://youtu.be/ImoQqNyRL8Y?t=192

This is one of the better videos I found online. I have been quietly following Space X for a little whiles now. Specifically this launch. I was really disappointed with the Space X coverage given the amount of consumerist BS that was woven into its presentation. It was like watching Opera Winfrey and Saturday Night live all in one. Not that there is anything wrong with that if that's what your into ... but not my thing when gauging the technical specification and goings of such advances regarding human kind. I guess it's no wonder we are still using rockets with that kind of human behavior.

Just figured I would share some footage with more composure. It just seems so much more inspiring without all that hysteria. Smiles to think ... Nothing has changed. Nothing wrong with passion and excitement but you don't want to be in a room with a thousand of me when I get that way myself. I would not blame you for thinking I had ruined your experience. There is a lot to be said for composure at such events.

What do you think D? I mean of all the screaming, backslapping, cheering, dribbling and so on when your watching a such events?

Am I retarded for enjoying such events without all that BS Hysteria?

Hmmmm ... perhaps I should not of asked that. lol Be careful what you ask Dave. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/embarrassed/embarrassed.gif now I'm being hysterical.

[Ponder]

No wind to be had this fine day. At least not when I took off to go fly my kite. Instead I ended up visiting a new friend place. He has a cool pad in a complex with mostly singles. Lots of Doctor Who DVDs and old posters from the 70s. I was impressed.


Back When We Knew How To Have A Laugh:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbwDeUdRGcM

[Ponder]

Should be a good year for space flight:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-R2x02n-o64

OK - Back to your Depression and Anxiety. ;)

[Dahila]

Kites incredible, i love it............. I am here just have no much to add it

[Ponder]

Understood. I'm struggling big time with food and having trouble getting back on track. Guess I will keep trying, although my Birthday is being celebrated this Sat. My youngest daughter has made some awesome Vegan Cake. MMMM mmmmm

Thx Darl:
https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4709/26283408408_40aab415ba_o.jpg

Also been having a hard time with routine in general. Is very hard when both partners are feeling fatigued. I really have been feeling exhausted and everything has been a huge effort. That said I am sure I will shake it loose. Id love to get back on my bike but detest the traffic. Regardless of how much I 'pretend' ... and all this polly wafflle possy wossy feel good pumping one self up does indeed feel like pretending once your surrounded by traffic and all that associated exhaust fumes. Walking seems to be the only way for now. Even that can seem overwhelming of late. At least I only have to dodge pedestrians with the energy it takes to be be civil with them ... not as intense. I'm at least still able to walk without staring at my feet. I think that is pretty much the gauge I am seeing for now. I'm still salvageable before I drop my gaze further where I know I will then let the morbid obesity set back in.

Just not sure what the fuck it is right now that is draining me like so. I know that after I eat a large portion of that cake tomorrow ... this despair I am struggling has got to stop. I don't do just a little of this or that. I ether go back to healthy eating or I will just keep slide into my self destructive ways. I'm an addict ... I have a chemical predisposition that kicks in pretty much straight away so for me ... there really is not balance when it comes to pleasuring myself with what we term, reason as rewards, going easy on myself, don't be to hard Davy Boy, Your being to strict, Have a bit of fun and so on. Given how my body reacts to drugs all round ... those reasonings are just excuses for me to let myself down.

Is time to go back off the coffee, sugar, salts, carbs, seasonings, and all things pleasuring. This new years transition with like wise drugs is taking me into march at this rate with a great need of rehabilitation to overcome the sideeffcts which have driven my itno depsair.

YEP ... I just nailed my recent hardships re mental health beyond the PTS of all that other shit. I have not bounced back because I have been clinging to the food. Before when you stated it is no wonder that I am comfort eating ... well ... thanks for saying ... and even this acknowledgement I give now is not enough. I have some hard core giving up to do ... some hard core withdrawing to do. Time for me to start treating food as medicine and start using my alternatives as comforts.

On that note I will experiment with the process for today knowing I still have one last piece of cake to take. After that ... I'm done with 'special'events - No Thanks - No offence - will have to be my new tune for future events.

MMMMM ... was this post enough.

Guess we will see.

[Dahila]

BTW happy birthday I am not here on Saturday.
Welcome to the club , I feel drained and kind of dead too....... I always say do not deprive your body of pleasure, we need some from time to time. The problem is not falling off the wagon but you filling quilty for it, D. you need to show more kindness to yourself. You already had done so much, Surviving and each day is accomplishment. Not everyone does understand that sometimes we have no energy and want to quit.
So many years you fell and get up, I believe in you, it was just temporary set back D :)

[Ponder]

My balance is to keep true to myself. I'm an addict pure and simple. I find pleasure in my healing with anything else more in line with temptation. I'm kind enough D but thanks for the direction. I get that. I really do. A little slippage later on, but right now I really need to draw upon my restrictive policies that conflict with another's outlook. Once I am back on track - perhaps maybe then. Maybe then I see your way a little better.

Re the energy ... it's very much coffee related as too my slippage with food. BUT YEA ... well said too D ... well said ... ZZZZZzzzzzzzz

I'll record my efforts and do my best to remain true in that. Day one on the coffee front is agony. BUT I try not to think about it too much. Other than that I am also just keeping my portions sizes down and keeping fluids up. I'll adjust more the finer things once I nail the coffee addiction first.

See what happens.

Is true enough what you say ... I understand it - also not getting any younger and the weather has been extremely hot ... allbeit a few days of reprieve. If Lisa was not so bent on living here ... I would move somewhere cooler in a heartbeat. Perhaps I move to Canada! Yea Yea ... I know - Sub Zero ... I'd still do it in a heartbeat.

[Ponder]

Back to my old ways that made me well - Lest 'I' forget!

I'm an addict. Not just someone addicted to coffee, but a hard core drug addict. Here's the thing. Where all addicts! However it's not for us to tell others what they need or how they should go about overcoming their addictions. Commiseration is a hard act to negotiate whilst remaining kind to self and others - I think mostly because everything we come to know is only a result of our own experiences. So it is I made the following video to spark on explanation as to how being kind to myself is not enough to overcome 'MY' hard core chemical predisposition as someone with an extensive history of chemical and societal abuse. It's one thing to reason why one may be using food for comfort but that does avoid the discomfort that comes from giving in to comfort itself. Especially when you know one is triggered by comfort living.


Being pacified by the comments of others, societal views, and so on is something I have been careful to negotiate in my previous bouts of successful living. Success being a term that can only be related to me. Again, the world and all those in it trying to float the boat of others by telling them what to ware, eat, drink and think. This study, that study, this phd, that phd ... bla bla bla bla and bla ...

What fucking works for you? Hey? Until you can outline your own shit and give good reason for what works or does not for you ... You literally pissing in the wind.

This is a good reminder for me as to why I am here. Not only has the pacification of Xmas knocked me back, but so to the view of others. Is how strong the wave of negative thinking is when it comes to pacification and how most of us subscribe to it. Is time for me to do what I know works.

Sustain effort in my weak areas as they pertain to drugs ... all forms of drugs. This includes food. I did well before because I obtained. To me obtaining is not depriving myself. In fact ... turning to food under the terms of comfort is depriving myself of my health as I know full well one coffee leads to another and another and so on, just as it is with one tea spoon of sugar.

I really don't need to do anything other than be true to myself. I would suggest that people in general don't need to do anything, other than consider the benefits in being true to themselves. Alas ... this is all about me and me I shall keep it about given that it's so easy to start preaching what others should or should not do.

So it is I am going back to hard core measures to drop the hard core drugs. I think food is actually as detrimental as illicit drugs with pharmaceuticals being the worst of all. Taking the latter whilst delving too deep into being kind and eating comfort food is a recipe for self harm with addicts like myself. Of course the Kind To Self philosophy I speak of is more in the content of kidding one self as opposed to understanding the hard core effort it takes and not view that as being hard on one self.

I now break down the 'got to be cruel to be kind' metaphor by saying ... only by appreciating and embracing the pain of living can I really embrace being kind. So it is that these complacent - more so - pacifying views woven into mainstream cliches of being kind and living comfortably will never work for me.

I'm srry that this will no doubt conflict with others to whom I am happy for in their own methods which are not the same as mine. Alas comes the danger in tell others what they may or may not need. I was falling into that trap myself - I've been doing it ... but now pulling myself up on it. Now I am just focusing on what works for me. Instead of using a camera for that kind of selfie ... I choose to be selfish in other ways and I'm also prepping to use some anger ... although do it in a healthy way. I rate my success on not how often I fail, but how often I am left standing once the BS settles.

Continually being up and down only leads to disease. Xmas, Easter, Thanksgiving Day, ANZAC Day, This Day, That Day ... Yepsirrrrreeeee - The world is sick in it's BS view re comfortable living. FTW! Is time for my old tune I know so well ... that is being kind to myself. : 0

Here's to knowing what success really is and what it takes. No doubt a personal view. One I am content with ... I am content in my discomfort as is the only way forward for me.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj3mCJ0Ufnk&feature=youtu.be

[Ponder]

I SUGGEST you don't eat that!!! Classic ... I love this guy:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WimA-FpWBoc

[Dahila]

you are incredible D. Thank you :) this is what I need today

[Ponder]

Hi D - Hope you are well. I've had a few days off the forum as have been putting ALL my energy into doing what works for me. I think I am past the migraine stage now. I ended up putting on 8KG!!! I'm thankful I caught myself before allowing it to get past 10. Past 10 kg I think I would of just giving up. Anyways - I've got a soup on the stove and pretty much just been eating veggies and fruits. If I may say so without sounding like a fruit case.

YEA - LOL @ the Organic Video. So True how people can get carried away with vigilantly activist mind sets. Sadly my daughter is getting caught up in it like I do with say Game Of Thrones and or Star Trek. (Drama) Notice how I put myself in the same boat whilst picking faults in others. Sigh. If it's helping her deal with more painful issues then who am I to criticize? Something like that. As long as she is not hassling others and putting herself at risk by knocking on doors selling veganism. At any rate - I feel the same with any food advertisement that comes my way no matter what's on the plate.

I think I go watch another one on this guys playlist.

[Ponder]

LMFAO - I can see how many of us end up sounding like this. I guess this is why it's so funny to those of us that can admit to being this way. I strive to find them middle ground so that I can preach without sounding like a preacher. ??? I wonder if he has done one on diabetes or some other new age illness. How about New Age ... would love to see him do one on "The Secrete"


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oht9AEq1798

Have you seen his essential oils one?

[Dahila]

I was watching it so many times, when you find the one on diabetes, link me to it

[Ponder]

Will do.

Still have not had coffee or sugar since last Friday. : ) Migraines are subsiding now. Have been active enough to get up a good sweat with my trotting in the mornings and even vacuuming the house. The latter is a good sign. The ability to sweat out toxins is indicative of reasonable health. I just have to keep building on that now. Been mixing things up with Netflix, PC, Chores, Community visits and even got around to planning my trip to mums.

It's just me going by myself. To much stress with my youngest daughter and grandson. It's not personal. It's just that we all have anxiety in my family and without my wife to support my with the driving I would be drained withing the first 100km. Sadly my wife can no longer tolerate my family ... so I will be on my own on that trip. 500km trip is not long for most people here in Australia, but for whatever reason, I need to pull over a lot whilst driving. As long as I plan ahead and know where I am going, I seem to do fine. (most of my road anxiety is with following signs, merging roads, other traffic - or when the gps looses signal + flashing lines/sunlight through trees and straight roads) I prefer to pull over at rest stops and avoid populated ares ... aim to use the smaller petrol/gas stations between towns. The last time I did a solo trip like that was a 700km drive to see my brother several years before he died. I think this might be the last time I see my mum given her age and my limited ability for long distance travel. Mum lives in the hills and requires several stops with long lay overs all of which require more cognitive attention and stamina than I could manage to muster. The drama to arrange using my car alone due to my wife's discomfort with it all and always being on call for the rest of family locally pretty much means I will be lucky to get one more trip in several years down the track. Pending the result of this upcoming trip I may attempt to try earlier than that once more. Has been good catching up on the phone at any rate with both my mum and sister.

Not much else happening. Just keeping focused on my recovery from having let myself go these last few months. Speaking of which ... is time for bed. ;)

Take Care ... I responded in FB too D. Hope you understand my advice re your partitions. You look good to shrink your e drive by 50GB. Follow the tutorial a few pages back. Ask any questions you may have. I really have not been using FB much. Apologies with late reply.

[Dahila]

Hi D, for me it would be awful 500 km is long distance and then again on your way back . A lot of anxiety a lot

[Ponder]

If we were half as evolved as we claim to be, we would not be traveling in such a destructive manner when already possessing the technology for much safer and cleaner travel. The ever growing number of sick and maladjusted states of being behind the steering wheel only makes more carnage on the roads no matter how clean or stable we claim to be. I can't think of anything more unnatural than this:

https://image.ibb.co/dGS5kn/Traffic.jpg

None the less it's the only way I am going to venture back into the hills from to see my mum. I'm going to do my best to stick to the toll ways. I just hate it when either the GPS is slow or worse ... looses connections when going through tunnels. Despite better connections these days with relays and what not, traffic is just getting more and more. Even in countries where the population is not as great as others. I think it's all about avoiding the densely populated areas. Imagine chocking to death due to winding your windows down in such circumstances. The exhaust technology is better but its still pretty damn toxic when approaching cities point blank.

If it was me D - I would have express transport on clean energy to every destination across the world:
https://image.ibb.co/dLJ9d7/future_trains.jpg

It would be fast enough that we don't have to worry about sitting around all day in a strange place waiting to catch the next ride. With clean energy that is low impact and comes in free of charge ... Hence we know well why we are not utilizing such technology that already exits. $$$$ / hierarchy ... need I say anymore. I may not like socializing how ever I do how public transport makes is more relaxing than driving my car. That said - there is no doubt a learning curve (often too much for me - more anxiety) to public transport because it too like our highways and road layouts is still complex. In fact after learning how many stops and changes I had to make with long lay overs ... it's why I ended up choosing to take a risk in my car.

If only I had something like the following ... an automated pilot system where I can just sleep and wake up gently to the sound of a sexy voice "Dave ... Dave ... You have reach your destination. "We hope you have enjoyed this journey and look forwarded to seeing you soon again ..."
https://image.ibb.co/cDry5n/flying_car.jpg

Of course its a dream that authorities would allow such ease of transport ... otherwise we would already be doing it. You see in my world that vehicle belongs to no one except the AI that everyone is so terrified of. lol - The vehicle lifts off and heads off to the next customer like a taxi/Uber with one major difference of today - You don't pay. It's just one of many Utopian community services in a world where people are no longer oppressed and NO longer required to prove their worth. Smiles ... Is something I am working on in my head so that whilst everyone goes about thinking there is no such thing as an Utopian future; I enjoy living in it whilst breathing in our current toxic ideals.

At the end of the day ... we are what we think or choose to believe. So many of the guys down at the mental health access centre beleive we must all stay sick. Me ....... I kind of just bound backwards and forwards knowing full well that need not be the case despite 'our' current status. I'm still struggling with this notion of disconnection - dis identifying - letting go and so on ... yet the need for coexistence if we as a species are to survive. Is the only way our weather pattern will regulate itself (let alone ourselves) once more ... but the way things are ... I guess we got a lot of dying off ahead of us.
______________________

Sigh ... Is All Good ← LMFAO @ how easy we often say that. A Tony Robins approach of sorts. Whatever works I guess. Some blinkers to help take our next breath.

Speaking of which my routine is well on track once more. Had an awesome sweating session once again this morning and planning to again late in the day. 2KG down ... without starving myself. Just a good regime of planning my day with cortisol levels in mind. Doing what I can to avoid adrenaline rushes is helping a lot. Just allowing myself to run at my natural frequency without upsetting others around me. Making sure to rest when I must.

I know what works for me ... don't need telling. I'll be sure not to tell anyone else. ;)

Over & Out!

[Dahila]

yeah driving like that would kill me, I like the train a lot
Yes the clean energy exists, I had read a lot about tesla , very intriguing man. Free energy for us all, not this time , not this planet not these blood sucker who call themselves ; humans

[Ponder]

That's the spirit. :) Best to call a spade a spade rather than pretend it's a dollar bill. Oh well ... is like dealing with sheep. We enjoy what's left for as long as we can. One of the main reasons I don't take anywhere near the amount of photos I used to is due to the glorification factor cutting out the actual experience of being present in nature itself whilst it the whole imaging mindset of over glossing reality kind of hides the fact of how much damage is being done. This fact is how we have come to cross the tipping point where utopia will only ever exist in our heads.

That said - it's no reason not to dream up a better future and do what we can to have the least painful death. :) Hard core I know. For me it is the truth and my only purpose. All else in pretty much BS with how are all strung along. That's what I mean about struggling with disconnecting from main stream thinking, whilst seeking to connect with others in the community. So many mindless sheep that do not understand what's really going on - nor wish to have their bubbles burst. Is a perfect system the way it is for the purist of happiness. Such a chore with so many losers.

BUT - again ... we can still dream regardless of having woken up. Just have to find an altered state in which to do it.

Hey ... Just watched on old Movie on Netflix which seem if anything at least an interesting watch:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67lYG7a4YOA

In the end of course the conclusion was there is nothing! Then he finally announces his undying love for the girl. Perhaps not your movie but I did find it interesting on a few levels. I've actually seen a few of the star actors in a lot of movies that I have enjoyed. William Hurt often remind me of Liam Neeson. Not sure why ... although they are definitely different. William Hurt is in a lot of sci/fi s Charles Haid reminds me heaps of Will Patton who plays Captain Weever out of the not so long ago sci/fi series Falling Skies.

Anyways ... it was good to see an old movie by today's standards.

Not to worry D - is all good ... lol. We just say it anyways. NOTHING is GOOD! I have always said that. States of Nothing allows us to give up all this shit.

Now to go research my next purchase. hahahahaaaaarrrrrr We really are full of so much shit are we not. Is good to smile about it as well D.

Here's hopping you have a good evening.

[Dahila]

It is morning already, here, I had watched Altered Carbon tv series it is about keeping immortal. Neflix one ;) I liked it

[Ponder]

That's not hard - if you beleive we go on after death, then there is no need to fear death. Only the pain of dying I guess. Nothing is just as good for me. Who wants to live more than one life on this plane of existence?

Yea ... checked out the preview:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhFM8akm9a4

I am very critical of today's sic-fi action packed sex orgies these days. I will give it a try to see if there is a hint of story that can keep my attention amoungst all that hyped up drama. The worldly scenes look cool ... don't mind the art. Just get annoyed with the stereotypical drama that so easy to read. (sex and violence ZZZzzzzzzzz) I don't think its really being critical as much as simply a case of age and already seeing so much of the same rehash. Takes something original or at least a good twist without all that atypical nonsense of how humans are imprinted to react.

BUT D ... the fact you like it gives me hope. I will check out later today if its in our Australian Netflix list.

Thanks for the steer. I've kind of run out of things to watch on netflix of late. Me and a few others have been discussing our dislike for how long we are left between seasons. Some of us would much rather they release them one episode at a time with only a brief break before the next season ... not a fucking whole year. Some of us also have to rewatch a season to make sense of the next one due to taking so fucking long before airing the next. The other issues with seasonal releases is the encouragement to binge of all that drama like some kind of drug.

Not a fan of the way the entertainment industry is dealing its drugs. SIGH ... None the less if this steer you have mentioned me is a good taste; I will jack right up and no doubt be left hanging for another fix.

Be sure to let me know of any other fixes your also enjoying. I am please to say despite having a hard time with the massive change is Star Trek Discovery ... I am liking it very much. Nice weekly hits! :) Although season now finished. :( It was a good ride though.

I go knock myself out in Cities Skylines now.

Have a good session or doing whatever work.

Later D.

[Dahila]

there is not so much sex in it, just the taste of the decadency when you are immortal. It is bloody but I am sci-fiction junkie so I watch mostly everything . Black matter I loved it, there is so many of them
Travelers. Colony; the last one is kind of stupid but hot hot guy is in this Jack from ""Lost"
Salvation, Timeless, Ascension, except for Star track

[Ponder]

Yea - Hopefully most of ZZZZzzzzz drama is in the trailer to lure the sheep in. I will give it three episodes for my filters.

Yea - Like travelers hanging out for the next one. Although I had to watch season one again to make sense of two due to that long break. Colony was too atypical for me. Lost I never like as it seemed you always had to watch the previous to know what was going on - however this was a case where having all the epps line up made it a great watch. Salvation - never heard of it. Timeless? Ascensions? I would have to search. I think they are probably ones I flicked threw but then moved on due to nearly throwing up. Star Trek ... I will always be a fan despite that massive change in tact re new generations to suit more sex and violence. Not quite there yet ... but it's heading that way.

Contact is like an out of the box scifi that I am mostly into. Others these days are really just like bad remakes of the Walking Dead or True Blood. Buffy - ... none of those are really scifi but none the less many of them get listed under the sub category of fantasy. The whole post apocalyptic thing is as overdone as vampires and zombies. Every now and then one impresses me ... slightly. lol I thought Walking Dead was a flop but then started to like it ... then really liked it. Like Game Of Thrones it has slow moments ... but then I think they sack the writer and things start to pic up again.

Thanks for naming those others. I will check out. I understand we don't have all the same tastes. Is like food I guess. I'm enjoying bland atm; with a twist. :)

By the way I am a sci-fi nut as well. I just don't beleive much of what is listed on Netflix of elsewhere today rate as sci-fi. Today's sci-fi is more like Action and Porn with B grade story. Don't forget the puppy dog and cat puppets as well. Soon they will be humping each other while new factions fight for dominance. ZZZZZzzzzz They might be in space with weird looking monsters and futuristic scenes ... but narrrrrr ... not scifi in my book.

[Ponder]

What's the new blade runner like? I go stream it and see how much of a hack and slash + fuck fest that one is. The original is a classic. Hope they did not butcher it. Just saw the Preview. Looks like a decent balance between the boundaries and fairly tactful with the artful impressions: Surprised I waited this long to see it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCcx85zbxz4

[Ponder]

Yea ... they nailed it. Not often that happens with a sequel. Intimacy rather than S-ZZZ-E-ZZZZZzzzzX - Raw Passion rather than Violence. Way better than most of the crap on Netflix of late.

[Ponder]

After I took headphones off when movie finished, I heard the neighbours at it again with thier subwoofer. Rang cops as ussual then left to sleep over at my grandson's place. Noise pollution really sucks. More so when it keeps happening. Will be nice to have breakfast with the little guy though :) Night night Zzzzz

[Ponder]

Decided not to have breakfast and left early while mum and little guy were still sleeping. He has visitation with his Dad today. I did not want to confuse the kid anymore than he already is. I'll do another sleep over and surprise him another time. At least I got somewhere to go now when the neighbours disrespect those living next door to them. I just call cops every time (as I have been) then head on over to my daughters. Sounds like a good plan. Way better than ear buds that don't really work for me.

Anyways after getting out of the car to run laps up at that hockey this dog suddenly interrupts my stretching session buy softly nudging me as if to say "Hello - I'm lost." I tried ignoring him but he just kept following me everywhere I went. Eventually I resigned to the fact he looks a lot like our dog we recently put down. So it was I opened the door of my car and he pretty much jumps like his done it before. My wife has put up some notifications on Facebook. See what happens. We are going on a long drive tomorrow for another hospital visit in Brisbane. Staying at my sons house. Hopefully we can find someone to look after this guy and help return him to his home. He has a bit of age on him, very placid and well mannered.

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4653/39614539064_b92480cf7d_o.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/23mASjd)

[Dahila]

I was sure it is Max...........so is Blade runner worth my time D? I have it, but could not focus on whole movie, Markets were much better today than last week. I know how you feel I lived in subsided housing and there were never peace and quiet , I never had home invasion or anyone at my door only because my 110 pounts Lab was a first class bitch, no one could touch here except my son and I. She was with me for over 12 years. Her passing broke my heart.
I would worry like you do with the visitation. Maybe it is going to be better than you think. Grannies tend to worry so much .

[Ponder]

Not sure if you will like it D. You might? I know I want to watch the first one again after watching this one. I can say I rate it as classic sci-fi. I don't want to be blamed if you don't like it. :) I always like a good story that highlights stigma and this one does that well. Has some elements of iRobot in it I guess. The fight scenes are quick and straight to the point. If your into chase scenes then your better off watching gone in sixty seconds. There is one or two quality chases - but that's it. Just the way I like it. The violence ... is like BAM! with a few more thuds, a slash, stab with a twist and bobs your uncle ... on with the story. Basically the story holds all the way through in my opinion. For me - most of the glamour and drama in Netflix over shadows the story. Classic Sci-Fi is mostly about the story. The CGI is not over done ... perfect for my liking.

The sound lvles where a bit out in some scene with overly loud morbid music but I understood where they were going with it ... a kind of space oddity feel at times.

I would not say it was not block buster stuff for me however near enough ... very refreshing compared to most of the garbage coming out these days.

Best I can say is it's defiantly worth trying out. I had to use headphones because I struggle with dialogue these days unless I have eng subtitles which is great for Netflix when watching the odd movies/epps I enjoy.

With headphones on ... it was intriguing & captivating for me.

Try at your own risk. :) - Do what I did ... relax and use headphones. I'm actually thinking about getting some surround headphones like I used to have. That's another long winded story.
_______________________

Good New ... The owner came over and picked up their pet. : )

[Ponder]

Yea ... I get what you mean about subsidized housing, but then again I never used to keep my door locked. Is not as half as bad as the media or others are led to beleive. Lived in it for well over a decade with a house full of kids. Is part of the stigma ... of course down at that lvl there is going to be a lot of mall adjusted. It makes sense. I guess we did lock up when going away for days on end ... but not when going to the shops. We only got robbed before moving in. After that it was not a problem. You right about the tension and noise though ... is not healthy at all living like that. They try to spread those house about when they can rather than hem then in like prison camps. When you hem them in like animals ... well ... they become like animals. Same with low key rehabilitation institutions ... if you can call them that. AKA prisons. The more you project hate ... the more it breeds. The well to do have their issues with how they project. We are all fucked when it comes to that. I see it every morning in the faces of many regardless of their status. Bitterness is an illness that does not discriminate.



So far things are going well enough for the little fella. I just try to be mindful and not trigger the father whom we don't none of us see other than the little fella. (We use a Contact Centre) ... or I wish that to be the case when mummy sends him off. Only so much you can do when a grandparent. Just be there for the good and bad ... being careful not to project all that fear as although none of us may see the other ... fear has a way of passing through walls and traveling great distances.

[Ponder]

This was a good watch on Netflix:

Doco available on YouTube:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEqBduQIx-Q

But you know how it is - http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/4th-july/smiley-at-a-bbq.gif

Excellent info to counter the sheep that don't beleive in climate change. In that it was an excellent watch. Some NEW information that can't be denied. Explains well why the powers that be are blocking much needed changes. Very educational and not hard to follow.

You'll also be pleased to know there are no 'Yes Men or Women' standing in the background to influence your mind set. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/yes/yes-i-fully-agree-smiley-emoticon.gif When you see pollys having to go to that levle, you know your being bullshited to the max. bahahahaha bahahahaha - Climate Change Is Not Real - bahahahaha bahahahaha - Climate Change Is Not Real - bahahahaha bahahahaha

Awwwwwww what's a matter - conflicts with your culture ... or perhaps your diet? Knows no one really gives a a fuck. Is OK ... I'm all for sinking the boat sooner than later! http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/simpsons/mr-burns-evil-laugh-smiley-emoticon.gif

I'm off to consume some electricity! http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/funny/1/video-games.gif

[Ponder]

I mean like the one of the first worlds Major Cities is about to run out of water. But because it's in South Africa I am sure no one across the other side of the world really cares. We are all too busy gorging ourselves and after all ... South Africa ... Pfffft ... they brought that shit on themselves hey ... am I right or what? Just another 3rd world county ... who gives a flying fuck? ← Sarcasm here ... I say in case other in here are as retarded as me and take everything literally. : )

It's just like that painting in the opening of above documentary where we are all currently in the second period after wiping out the animals - before hell is unleashed in the closing scene. Not sure being immortal makes it any more pleasurable? If anything I think it just sets up the perpetual cycle of failing worlds. Just thinking of that scifi series you mentioned D. Re all sheepish enticements for pleasurable viewing. In the atypical sense that overshadows quality scripting.

Here's a link to a huge ass (pardon the pun) file size to investigate this paining further

The Garden Of Earthly Delights: (8533 X 4325 - Reduced from 6+MBs to 2+Mbs)

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4724/25462829467_625d70bf2c_h.jpg (https://www.flickr.com/photos/71988794@N08/25462829467/sizes/o/)

This makes me think of a few takes on such pleasures with some new agers who use astral projection to go full leather (or not) with acting out to their hearts content. Nymphomaniac's and or Chronic Masturbater's Heaven really. Thing is it really matters little what plain your goring yourself ... the residual effects stays with you weather off world or not. The context in above doco is how such is the destroyer of worlds ... I think also as relates to opening scene as well. At any rate I think I will go read more at the following link.

COOL! - A Tantric Painting (A Western version of art that represents the intersection of divine energy with earthy life.) ... I thought the painting was done from Xtian/Christian perspective. - I also still ponder the other side of the coin as to how many spiritualist groups love to fondle as I previously eluded with my mention of immortal desire and astral projection ...

I don't know what I am really looking at here however thought it was a good start and end to the doco on how we are destroying our world. In that context I get it. However ... completely further intrigued I have come across a very detail analysis:

http://www.esotericbosch.com/Garden.htm

As the link would seem to imply ... The in depth slide show with commentary (txt) comes from an esoteric delivery. There is also an interesting blog link that looks into the dynamics of pornography ... but not sure on how to take in all this talk of GOD to which is a wasted, complex and vague meaning word for me. None the less ... worth skimming I thinks.
Continued from Feb. 15. (http://zenyogagurdjieff.blogspot.com.au/)


I don't think that blog will make much sense to many in here ... but posting it anyways as I feel a good find for me. Many of the links help me to understand more the use of symbols in spiritual circles and how others use, abuse, and take their meanings. It's always about reading in between the lines and processing within the means of one's own level of awakening.


Adios ... until next post. ;)

Edit ... I should of included the exterior of painting before it's unfolded:
Click the below pic to get the full Wiki explanation of this painting ... probably much easier to follow than the esoteric version. :)
https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4701/25463287737_8989cd73ab_o.jpg (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Garden_of_Earthly_Delights)

[Ponder]

WOW - that blog post made me immediately think of IMS's ('I am suffering' - a previous and hopefully still current insightful user to this forum) quote of "Mental Masturbation" and my own compulsive behavior to share as I do. I'm definitely one sick puppy. I leave this necrotic and stage acting for when I have more energy and see how I preform in the morning. :) More sarcasm there - but true enough. Much insight to be gained from the sharing all the same. Only gleaning as I must.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Dahila]

Heronim Bosh was a visionary painter

[Ponder]

If I may add ... a grand master of visionary painting.

[Ponder]

There's certainly a lot of different conflicting takes on it. It amazes me how critiques so confidently tell us what the artist was thinking so long ago. They must take telekinesis courses. Another form of mental masturbation I guess; not unlike my own. The whole take on frolicking in the second panel being none other than our natural state of being before eating the apple on the tree and is how the Divine, God or whatever you want to call it ... expected us to be ... I find plays well into consumerist ideals of high end consumers and middle to upper class wannabes. (can and is - I would assume a good justification to continue doing what we do) To which plays it's role in the destruction of Earth being the third panel no doubt a reflection of one man's projection of hell. I won't be as pompous to tell you what the artist was thinking. I'm not a God myself ... although I have read differently.

I much prefer the esoteric take on this triplet or whatever fancy term you want to give it. It really is interesting and revealing listening to all the different takes on that painting. I can see how it is we are born with such desires and ways of being - but also ponder how it's embedded as memory. I think I get the part about the innocence (perhaps more ignorance?) with how people freely act on their every whim, but somehow also feel it's as much an illness (encouraged for profit/greed) that destroys the individual as well as everything else around them. ... I guess this painting makes a good story board to contrast our fucked up society with. Regardless what side of the fence or how hard you masturbate - both psychically and or intellectually.
____________________________

Righto ... Time to flog myself out to back with some resistance exercises. We got the dates mixed up so not leaving toady ... got a few more days of conditioning to go. I wonder if I can be hard on myself today. I'm kind of inspired to do so but could then reason doing so to be yet another form of pleasuring myself. Is it so wrong to bask in pleasure ... if it's not harming myself or another? Hmmmm enters the eastern mindset as I understand it. Best I can figure is that the longer and more fostering it takes Vs instant gratification the more genuine the intent and less destructive it is. Yea ... that plays out well enough for my intention with less pain although I must not kid myself with respect to dissing on the mental aspect (more so spiritual) as sickness/regression quickly creeps back in when failing to address my run away train. Tick tick tick tick tick tick and tick tick. Right now is better out than it. After all the heading is 'My Head Space' ... all being it yet more masturbation and stage performance. Hmmmm need I see it as that. I remember well IMS calling it like so Yet ... he is only human himself so I need not cling to such criticisms or see them as such when they really are not. I'll say this much ... I don't need the thoughts of others to feel conflicted with self. In fact I think allowing myself to do for myself is enough. It kind of disables the negative intent of others when they feel the need to hate and prod ... although I reason when I get that way myself I then see how it is ... that it is I - that attracts/brings it on myself.

It really sucks that I am unable to find a place where I can spiel like so other than here. I know I am such a drag to those who do not understand me. Srry ... is what it is. Yet here is as good a place as anywhere else for in the end I get the feeling I am to completely let go ... or as it feels right now ... supposed to shut the fuck up? The latter though does not feel right and if anything makes me wonder how I have come to fathom like so. This internal resistance to what is. (Can be/ IS tiring when I am not allowing to be what is) Regardless of how I perceive; what I see will always be what is for me. When so many others do not see the same way ... the world becomes a very lonely place. Hence why I have no where else to connect. For now this space will have to continue being the wall to which I keep butting; about 5 years now running/trotting and or tripping. I should not complain really. The freedom to rant whatever is really a blessing when compared to the restrictions of other forums. May as well use such freedoms by expressing however one feels ... to frolic or not to frolic is the question. arrrrr lol @ that. We know the dangers yet keep toying with suffering then crying out ... waaaaaa waaaaa it's all mummy and daddy's fault. Can I have some more please ... sob sob.

OK ... time to go masturbate offline. (Regardless of broken skin? - I'm a visionary too!!! :))

Be Kind To Self! Although what is kind? Cruel to be kind? Another word for cruel perhaps - hmmm Real ... yea that sounds good for now. Be Real! Keep it real ... BUT ... smiles ... try not to but so hard and ease up on those damn exclamation marks!!!

How about ... "Have a good one."

Although I must admit ... I would often turn to my wife upon hearing this whilst checking out the drive through. "Have a good what!?"

[Dahila]

If I may add ... a grand master of visionary painting. absolutely, I was kind of obsessed with him., Five years of History of Art in school is not forgotten
I just finished to watch Blade runner and I am so frigging impressed the move is well done, with a special kind of very depressive mood but leaves some hope for future. Well done, excellent move , what does not happen very often in Holywood
I think Heronim Bosh was a mystic , and maybe had some visions, Otherwise he would not create that art, Dante and him are one of two that had accompany me for years. :) I am very happy that you posted it, There is another platform we can meet. The art

[Ponder]

Sure ... I will try to make time later on. I understand if we have trouble re times. Very glad you enjoyed the new blade runner. Yes - there is hope for AI and humans yet - LOL. Quality products like that movie are in short supply these days. I thought you might like the paining as well. :) Thanks for your patients re my pessimism and or cynical trends. You would make a good facilitator at the groups I attend.

[Ponder]

I was pleasantly surprised with the following watch on Netflix:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31e7WWWiODQ

Watching the trailer after seeing the movie made it even better. Mostly because most of the action is pretty much all in the trailer. If it was an action movie I would be disappointed, however because It was a scifi ... I was quite happy with the main character in dialogue with the AI for most of the movie. I really liked that about MOON (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twuScTcDP_Q). I have a thing for AI. Perhaps its the way HALL calls out my name in Space Odyssey. :) "Yes Dave ..." "Yes Dave..."
______________________________

Re you computer D. My suggestion for an alternative is to uninstall some of your programs and then reinstall them to your E: directory to free up space on your C: Drive.

My Peter Powell SKYSTUNTER MKIII arrived from England the other day. Here is a pic I have sent to Peter Powell Sales. Just wanted to check something out. I always have to know how everything works and was curious as to the slack bridle lines connecting the wings tips. I figure high wind conditions are needed in order to push the wing tips back before the kite can be correctly steered. I am not quite sure and only speculating. I think it was best to check straight away with sales in case I needed to adjust the bridle before flying. Yadda Yadda ... I don't think I could of been any clearer, however do struggle with communicating such things.

Here's hoping they just say ... 'Yes is perfectly normal. The wind will push the wing tips back where tension will then take place."

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4651/25484416787_1e157da991_o.jpg

I got a 76ft tail to put on the bottom of kite but worried I am not skillful enough to make it do much other than get it tangled. I should of probably asked if the tail is necessary whilst learning. I think I shoot off another email.

Take Care D ... Hope this finds you well. :)

[Ponder]

HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE ... Before I hit the sack ... one last find. I'm not sure about it as like another I find the music and presenter overly dramatic. I guess I must be overly sensitive. lol

I ponder with all the over dramatization with such movies if we are just creating more labels for the wellbeing practitioners and new courses rar rar rar ... Way too much gloss and the types of people being used to sell this worries me somewhat ... stereotypical middle to upper class individuals and all. None the less ... it might be going in a good direction all the same. I wonder if this is open to the spiritual connection / conscious awareness type of thing. I originally found it at the Gaia webstie. Have been thinking of subscribing but don't like the sqeeky clean markerting used and again ... the same kind of tainting I find it to be being overdone in the selling of this movie. BUT - worth gleaning none the less

HSP ... Highly Sensitive People (nothing new to many of us ... just another spin and regardless of agendas / making bucks ... there might actually be something in this for a few of us!)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIxSUqiLoOM


OK now time for bed ...
Night Night ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/sleep/sleeping-and-dreaming-smiley-emoticon.gif

[Ponder]

Cool, the great belated Peter Powell's son Paul responded to my email re the kite. It's all systems go. I also don't need to use the tail. I don't see any point until I can actually make the kite dance. Now all I need is wind! Unfortunately not much of that been around of late. I feel like a kid with a telescope on a cloudy night. Patience is a virtue I guess. I will just keep reading up on the subject until the windy season kicks in. Not sure we have seasons anymore but that mindset will suffice. I'll do a video later on once I am able to control the kite. :)

[Ponder]

Trains coming and going every 5 minutes. Imagine having your bedroom window next to that. I mean I love the PC Game Train Simulation 2018, but fuck that shit! Apparently you get used to it after a while ... or so my son tells me. I can see how that might happen and have even live on top of train tracks from time to time. Certainly a lot to see here, but still not used to the city odor. Not sure I will ever get used to that. Got lost on the way in ... but that's to be expected coming this close to the CBD. OK ... Time to go out and find some nice places to visit in off the streets.

http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/yellow-face/smelly-smiley-emoticon.png

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4605/25519734267_75b0054427_o.jpg

[Ponder]

I have to admit my perception of city life is distorted from my experience of sleeping under bridges ... although without trains overhead like the one depicted. I know it's more from my years of sleeping on city streets with all that noise, hustle and bustle that I am more sensitive to the smells, noises, and overall tension. If city life is working for others ... then more's the power to them. I guess in time if we are to survive that cities will have no choice but to become quieter, cleaner and friendlier. Where I live by the ocean could also do with a good dose of user friendly upgrades. Again it's all perspective. Not everyone has the the comfort and security that's found indoors. I guess it really does come down to exposure on many lvls.

There are some interesting and nice places to see in the city. Just not the best for my super sensitivities.
______________________________


Long drive again today. First we see the specialist for Lisa. Her MS. Pleased to say I spent three hours behind the wheel yesterday without the need for Lisa to take over. Good practice for my 6+ hour trip to see mum next month. I think I calculated 5-6 years since I seen mum last. Same with my Sister too. Not meaning to count me chickens before they hatch but I might be picking up my sister on the way yet. Although that would make my trip longer and I am kind of hoping sis will be available for the trip. I'm the only one that drives from my mothers side. Most of my kids don't drive, although my eldest daughter is game riding a tiny moped bike. Full credit to her gusty effort mixing it up with the traffic.

Man ... I got to say I am absolutely stuffed. My son is a cook and since we arrived yesterday the food did not stop coming. The 2kg I lost I am sure I just put back on. :) It was good to catch up with him and our new daughter. She is a good girl too.

Not much else to say really. Mind has been racing ... purging with all kinds of frustrations, confusions and sadness - BUT is OK. The topic at last men's group (Just the other day) was about anger. I do beleive I was misunderstood ... but no matter ... I will go back again and see if there is anything to be gained. For me I feel it was a good purging session. The floor like in here is for anyone to use. If you one chooses not to use it, they have the option of getting up and leaving if they are unable to sit with discomfort. Regardless whether it is their own or anothers. In forums like these, you get the benefit of using the ignore feature.

I feel even more ready now to hook into what works for me. Of late I have been doing well enough back into the exercise and continue researching online without the hang up of 'oh no ... your doing it again' I kind of nearly went down that path ... but now taking my own advice on allowing myself to ... well ... just be me!

I can't wait to get back home so I can start trotting around a new spot I found. Actually I already knew it was there, but did not think about using for my running drills. BTW - just doing chi running. Researched it ages ago and it works really well on my joints. Running and joint issues is so overrated ... more like a myth ... an excuse not to do it for many people whilst no doubt a genuine issue for some. Emphasis on some. Not making any friends saying that I know. Is OK ... they can go ride a bike. I should probably get back on mine as well. Narrrr - I can now go fly a Kite. lol Perhaps I do both once I am well enough to confront people and the traffic.

Seriously it can be such a good getting out the front door to face the world as is let alone find a piece of green where I can sit and be free. Definitely an issue for me and city living. Issue enough living in so called paradise.

Where ever you live ... hope this finds you well.

Adios.

[Ponder]

Back Home: I did all the driving. ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4719/39706252664_085e8ac5d4_o.jpg

I was not sure if the IconX earbuds were water proof or not. Thankfully the lithium batteries did not foam up in my ears during my 5 mile trot when I got back home. I think it must of been the affirmation in my last post stating "I can't wait to get back home so I can start trotting ..." where I just felt compelled to head on out my front door in the pouring rain and go for a trot. That's exactly what I did as soon that thought came to mind. I did so wearing the casual clothes I had driven home in. The only thing I stopped to do was check online to find out if my expensive earbuds were water proof or not. I found two conflicting reports so figured there was only one way to tell. Out the door the I went trotting down the road like a lost chook without its head.

Sigh ... 5 miles later I uploaded this pic my wife graciously took (but with not without a sigh of her own - lol) ...

... and Bob's your uncle; another post done!

I feel like putting out my clothes for my morning workout and finishing the evening off with a cool down meditation ... then some quality ASMR and off to bed.

It's not one month but 6 more weeks before my next huge trip. My goal between then and now is to really let lose with as much exercise and clean eating as I can. Is time to get back into my self motivating ways. 6 Weeks is enough time to right the boat and prep for the 12+ hour return trip. I did well all things considered on this trip. Pat's self on the back and keeps up the positive self talk.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/sleep/sleep.gif

[Dahila]

you had survived the driving, very good. D i left the message on fb, when you there check it up ;) for now ........good

[Ponder]

NP D - We need to be on at the same time in order to resolve that issue. I can write up a good tutorial and link what's needed but without actually being there in the present or seeing what's going on ... I am limited in my ability to assist. I saw you on, but then you dropped off. Best I can say is I am going out the back to exercise for a bit and will check again ... I will check throughout the day.

I can't think straight using FB tiny little box either ... but for live chat it will do.

Just make sure your Newly Created Logical Drive is in fact the one that has nothing on it. (of course it would be ... but just check) If so that's the one you need to delete. It's easy for me to say the reason it's not sitting next to C: is because you did not follow that video exactly ... BUT ... I can't say that since I did not see that steps you took. Don't stress! I just need to be online chatting live with you at the same time ... unless your feeling OK about going ahead and deleting the Newly Logical Drive G: and seeing what happens. lol ... mayebe then it might turn into unallocated space and reside right next to C: where we want it to be.

Then you can right click on C: and slect Extend Volume to get your extra 78GB.

To be honest if G:Drive is the one you just created which I think it is ... you have nothing to loose by messing with it. Seems like you have to delete it to create unaccounted space so C:drive can use it in order for C: to be extended.

Don't worry ... this is how you learn about PCs. :)

Keep watching this space ... I check back in FB after my exercise ... otherwise hopefully you will pull it off in the mean time.

I believe this is where you are up to given the screen shot you showed me:


EXCEPT his D is your G AND your G seems to be sitting NOT next to C
https://youtu.be/HNSI-p4YHZE?t=83

The question on my mind is "Will the fact that your G not sitting next to C mean that C: will not Extend?

I assume that is what you are also thinking? "When you say 'How do I move G?" It's a good question. I'm kind of wondering how G ended up where it did ... BUT ... let's not worry about that. (this is the limitation of me not seeing you make the steps is all ... but no matter) If we get stuck we can extend E back to how it was and start again ... but with me online at the same time.

For now ... I propose that you are at the point in tutorial as time stamped above. You tell me if that's about right?

Forget that fact that your G is not positioned next to C ... just do the next step by deleting G. What happens? Does it turn into Unallocated Space? If so GOOD. It seems that is what is suppose to happen according to the next step (forgetting G: Position)
_____________________________________

It usually takes me like 5 goes of doing something before I understand what's going on.

If you can make G unallocated but still cant extend C ... it will for sure be due to the position of G which means we can extend E using the Unallocated G. You will then have things back to the way you started ... then what I would do if I was you is start all over again following the steps of tutorial video. Then at the exact time you shrink your drive ... look to see where your drives are positioned and ask yourself if everything is sitting in the right place.

:) I best get on with my exercise ... definitely hope to catch you online later on. I will be taking Lisa to work in between is all.

Press on D ... if your just messing with your newly created logical drive you can't mess anything up.

Good luck.

[Ponder]

I've been checking in like I said ... still missing ya. Done my exercise ... will do more later on. Just heading off to drop Lisa off and check out my Son in law's Xbox before making final decisions to buy one. I'll be about 3 to 4 hours ... if I miss ya ... rest up well. Hope this finds you as well as can be.

[Ponder]

Got the FB message ... all good. You can still delete the newly created logical drive to make it unallocated. Then either try expanding c: drive again ... OR just Expand your D rive to go back to original state. Right Click to expand ... but you must delete logical drive to make it unallocated.

Time for Netflix ... Definitely going to buy the XboxOne now that they have come out with a more expensive one. Just check out my SonInLaw's and the XboxOne is still looking pretty damn good! Cheap price for it now. OneS have loud fans ... or is a roll of the dice and does not to Native 4K at anyrate. Care less about the extras with that as is the same hardware on XboxOne. I'm already convinced. Just need to wait another month.

Despite being a skeptic of conspiracy theories ← ahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa ... I found this VERY intriguing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMnPKVbgH60

I'm like "Why would the powers that be allow a doco like this to even exist if it where all true? ... it has to be BS ... right?" ... then my wife says - "That's what they want you to think!" Aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr True.

I'm no longer convinced we landed on the moon when they said we did. I think people are way too easily led and that point being the mass hoax of all ... like the twin towers. America is so full of BS. ... and now they they think the answer is to give teachers guns. Pffft ... No wonder they have people killing pulling triggers the way they do. Whilst we seem to be liking America's boots with our own pollys bending over backwards for the $$$ influence; I don't think we will ever see us arming our teachers. We don't allow guns anymore since the last shooting spree in port aurthor. Since they outlawed guns in this county, we have not had one mass shooting ... not ever since they outlawed them. ZERO episodes. In the US it's all about peoples egos ... more important than the life of their kids. Even the religious folk prep with guns to kill those that might come for their food. Very Ironic. Of course ... Only in America. Sadly we have them types too.

I'm kind of hopping they do start arming the teachers ... their society is on the brink as it is. The arming of teachers I beleive will send america over the edge and make it one of the most undesirable countries on the planet to live. Using a big stick only makes many more little sticks. Many little sicks can break a big stick ... it just keeps going in circles from there. May as well speed up the process and let them teachers have guns. The sooner that country comes to an end ... the better off we will all be. There are enough other countries that can play the BS deceptive role of so called peace keeper. Fuck America ... and Fuck Australia ... Fuck all the Allies and their associated SHEEP.

Time to wake the fuck up. Just as well we don't have guns in this country. Is pretty much what I said at last group. Much harder to kill people with a knife. You at least take longer to think about that. Guns PFFFFT what a bunch of tossers. Do us all a favor and start arming your teachers. SIT! I said SIT!!!!!!! What a fucking sad country! Always about the symptoms. Never the cause. Arming the teachings will only add to the cause.

No guns ... no mass killings. Simple! Fucking Tossers. Poor Kids.

[Ponder]

Sorry ... Americans are humans too and I don't mean to judge people according to lables ... I'm just so fucking ANGRY that their leaders are soooooo fucked up! (as well as ours too) It's such a no brainer - yet they will keep their guns.

[Ponder]

I need a laugh ... how's the mediumship going D? I don't think this guy is doing so well. However It was nice of him to offer his body up to be of service for a Xmas gift.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpUtUQ5YC-Q

I came across this guy after typing in 'Alien Contact' into TuneInRdaio on my phone to kill time whilst out walking. It was really funny to listen to:
https://audioboom.com/posts/5941894-episode-207-alien-contact-this-is-korton

[Ponder]

Hey D - what other platform were you referring too? I have been looking for years and yet to find one that I am permitted to express freely. That is why I talk about anything and everything here. If you have a link ... sure ... I will try it.

Hope all is well.

Exercise going very well this end. Motivation is a little struggle but momentum is enough to see me through the initial pain barrier that comes with having been toooooo kind to oneself. : ) -

Catch up soon enough.

[Dahila]

I am on www.minds.com, it is open source no banning for opinions but I am not sure you would like it, Check it up. I have no idea how he did that it is next to C. However I do have one. I have c and E forget for now about new g, I should make g bigger than 80 like 200 g and move my stuff to new drive G in this situation. So empty e would be next to C. Then i could extend it. It did not work I am watching the tutorial time after time ........I found that I am not only one that it does nto work , More people have the same problem now. Today I thought about extending my E does not work I will just new installs put on my G

[Ponder]

I'm very sorry for your new predicament regarding the computer. I might use Lisa's to experiment with (as my HDD configuration is not appropriately laid out for such a test) and do a video with that to explain further. : ) ... Hang in there ... it's all about learning


I will out check minds.com but you know me well enough and me being retarded and all ... well I probably agree with you on that. Especially since I just skimmed a blog entry entitled " Massive migration Facebook to Minds " That's kind of scarring me off already. lol

BUT I don't know what I am talking about as have not given it a proper look. I do know I really must move on from this place and others like it. Just had a little chat with Barong on the subject and why many people who want to get better often do so by moving on. These places do really only seem to get attention when people are more negative than not. That said ... people get loud in general all over the net in order to gain attention. Of course myself included.

I will check it ... anyways ... going to do vlog now like I said I would.

[Ponder]

Time for some mellow Netflix therapy followed with signing up at Mind.com. Here is another Vlog tethering on the point of how I really need to make that once and for all break from mental health forums like these. Lisa makes a star appearance by sneaking up on me, although I don't beleive she knew I was videoing.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEntbe1aQgk&feature=youtu.be

[Ponder]

LOL @ receiving extra points for hitting your news-feed hourly. LMFAO at that one ... http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/christian/jesus-leading-flock-of-sheep-smiley-emoticon.gif

None the less I have set up account and will test it out D ...

Look for → User182 ... your all invited!!! Still setting up.

[Ponder]

https://www.minds.com/User182

[Ponder]

Joe Rogan - Time Restricted Eating
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6KClPkotxM

I got to try this again ... did it before ... and it worked! Struggling with other methods right now.

[Ponder]

This one explains it better for me ... does it work ... no point in trying to prove the science other than do it. I am choosing two meals a day ... 10:30am ... then 4pm.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJQmI3XOHCM

[Dahila]

fantastic this is the place you can put your videos on. I just shared, There are people who are very meditation minded, The moving from fb to minds is nothing else that saying what you think. On fb you are banned for almost everything. My friend got a ban for 30 days on FB " i had some grass and I finally feel alive" this was a reason he was banned. I am on fb cause the business page, this is the only reason, otherwise I would deactivate it. I have to tell you how children are clueless. My Ddaughter went to Dominica for vacation and send me today message on FB, "mom can you check if my house is flooded" How the hell I can check if she did not give me the key. eh

[Ponder]

If it is flooded there is nothing you can do; especially if you don't have a key.

Hey D - how do you embed a youtube video in Minds? It matters not if I can't.

I tell you what ... from this point on I will make my rambles over @ Minds and see how that goes.

Forget about using AF for now ... I mean if you wish to keep in contact with me. See how long I can go without using AF as a platform.

See you back at Minds ... when you have the time. :)

Adios ... over and out.

[Dahila]

yep , I do not think you can do long time and in minds you can say whatever you like no one will chase you ;) see you there.
For peeps who wants the freedom of speech migrate to www.minds.com

[Ponder]

Believe this much ... I'm getting really REALLY tired of saying anything at all. I think that is actually a good sign.

Bye bye.

[Dahila]

Dave do not leave completely, take a break

[Debera]

I just leave it at that as I wishing to be more thankful for you help in this regard. Your opening up with personal experience re spiritual experiences, cards, readings, dreaming and your take on religion and the way symbols are used have played a huge role in the way I have opened up to such things.