petrichor
11-18-2017, 02:58 PM
Trigger warning: body-image shaming.
I am just writing this to discuss how I have been feeling lately. I have noticed something new I have been doing and it is obsessing over my physical image. I have been scrutinizing certain features I find to be ugly and consider “flaws.” My ears are not very small and they are tilted to the front. Perhaps this “deformity” did not affect me as a child but it is definitely something I very insecure about now. I was called “Mickey mouse” as a kid and now I am referred to as “Dumbo” by a friend of mine. He has flapped my ears before and asked if that would enable me to fly. That hurts me a lot and I have called him out. He now only calls me “Dumbo.” I guess I can handle being called that but the flapping part really saddened me.
Other features I have been obsessing over are my cheeks, nose, and teeth. I find my cheeks to be very “chubby.” My nose is kind of wonky and is very visible in pictures. I also feel like it really extends outwards. I don’t know, I just don’t like my nose. My teeth are a bit crooked. It is not visible when I smile but I obsess over them a lot.
Sometimes, I am scared to look in the mirror because I fear I may see something I do not like, which will frustrate me. I pull and pinch at my fat when I am frustrated. I go to the bathroom more often now to check if my stomach is “flat.” I involuntarily pin my ears back.
I have also been scrutinizing my personality and such. I feel as though I am very plain and average. I feel like I annoy my friends a lot and I am a burden, despite the fact they tell me I am not one. They are very caring people yet I never believe the positive words they say about me (or anyone for that matter). I wish I could be smarter and more intelligent. I have been comparing myself to other girls and wishing I could be them. This is all very new to me. I have never obsessed this much. It really makes me sad – drains me of energy and makes me feel devoid of emotions.
I am really sorry if I said something that was rude or insulting. I really do not mean to be mean or insensitive. I just felt I needed to rant about this. I also want answers, I suppose.
Again, I am sorry.
I am just writing this to discuss how I have been feeling lately. I have noticed something new I have been doing and it is obsessing over my physical image. I have been scrutinizing certain features I find to be ugly and consider “flaws.” My ears are not very small and they are tilted to the front. Perhaps this “deformity” did not affect me as a child but it is definitely something I very insecure about now. I was called “Mickey mouse” as a kid and now I am referred to as “Dumbo” by a friend of mine. He has flapped my ears before and asked if that would enable me to fly. That hurts me a lot and I have called him out. He now only calls me “Dumbo.” I guess I can handle being called that but the flapping part really saddened me.
Other features I have been obsessing over are my cheeks, nose, and teeth. I find my cheeks to be very “chubby.” My nose is kind of wonky and is very visible in pictures. I also feel like it really extends outwards. I don’t know, I just don’t like my nose. My teeth are a bit crooked. It is not visible when I smile but I obsess over them a lot.
Sometimes, I am scared to look in the mirror because I fear I may see something I do not like, which will frustrate me. I pull and pinch at my fat when I am frustrated. I go to the bathroom more often now to check if my stomach is “flat.” I involuntarily pin my ears back.
I have also been scrutinizing my personality and such. I feel as though I am very plain and average. I feel like I annoy my friends a lot and I am a burden, despite the fact they tell me I am not one. They are very caring people yet I never believe the positive words they say about me (or anyone for that matter). I wish I could be smarter and more intelligent. I have been comparing myself to other girls and wishing I could be them. This is all very new to me. I have never obsessed this much. It really makes me sad – drains me of energy and makes me feel devoid of emotions.
I am really sorry if I said something that was rude or insulting. I really do not mean to be mean or insensitive. I just felt I needed to rant about this. I also want answers, I suppose.
Again, I am sorry.