do others believe their doubts?

[kessa]

I'm kinda new to this anxiety game thing, i've had little tiny things with anxiety my whole life but the past few months have been absolutley terrible! I get alot of nagging doubts about stupid things and no matter what my doubt is, once I think of it I automatically believe it. This presents a big problem because most of my doubts CAN be disproven and are irrational. Such as, me and my boyfriend have been together a year and eight months and ill get doubts ranging from I don't love him to I only like him as a friend, to what if this and that. Now I KNOW if we broke up I would miss him and want him back because we have broken up a few times through all this and every time I practically beg him to get back with me because I am so sad without him. I really have no reason to break up with him, nothing has changed, he treats me just as I have always loved and before my anxiety hit I knew I wanted to spend my life with him and that he was the one. Now with my doubts I have CONVINCED myself I don't love him.. but then that really doesn't seem right. My sister, mom and dad and boyfriend all are telling me that it's obvious I love him and that every reason I have given as to why I would break up with him is totally irrational. And they are the people who know me the VERY BEST. I trust all of them and deep deep WAY WAY down I really think they are right but ive obsessed about these doubts for so long that I don't know how to get out :/. Can anyone offer some advice? Im in a rut, im confused and I really don't want to do something stupid like break up with him because I THINK I know how I feel, when me not wanting to be with him is probably not the case.

[newnoise]

I can VERY much relate. I've had anxiety on and off for my whole life and it just recently came back, worse than ever. When it came back this time though, I began to experience EXACTLY the same feelings that you're describing and it was tremendously scary to me.

Right before the time that my anxiety came back, I started to really, REALLY like one of my best friends whom I'd known since the 6th grade (I'm in 11th right now). Once the anxiety struck though, I started to doubt my extremely strong feelings for her and it scared the crap out of me, really. I even began to worry about whether or not I'd lose the desire to be friends with her anymore.

I had no idea why this was happening and the idea that the anxiety was causing it was farthest from my mind. After about a month or so of agonizing over these thoughts I came to the conclusion that it must be the anxiety, which provided a little comfort.

Since then I've kinda moved away from the romantic aspect of my friendship with that girl only to become involved with another! The funny thing is, my doubts shifted along with feelings. I really can't stand it and it's still very scary to me.

I'm sorry, I can't really give you advice on how to stop these feelings, but you can at least know you're not alone with them.

Can someone else please explain why anxiety causes these feelings? I'd never experienced them in conjunction with my anxiety until the most recent reappearance of it into my life.

Also, will these feelings/thoughts disappear when (or if) my anxiety subsides again?

thanks!

cam.

[bomont]

Kessa,

I have just posted a very similar post myself so know the feeling oh too well!

With myself, its a fear of him going off me rather than the other way round. However, I have also had moment of what you say!

I think it ultimately comes from a fear of our 'worst nightmares!' We bring something close to us that makes us happy and then fear that it will disappear.

There is a an element of 'why do we deserve good fortune?' from anxiety victims that lowers our self esteem. Have you ever felt that you weren't good enough for something/someone? Its generally because we have such a poor opinion of ourselves that we set out to self destruct and protect ourselves before someone else can hurt us!

I believe that you love your boyfriend. I think you're scared of him walking away and possibly protecting yourself? Could that be the case?

I feel for you as its a consuming feeling. You start to wonder if its anxiety or if it IS real!!!
xx