parlyvous
11-19-2008, 09:56 PM
:( I'll start with the present day and work back. I have Social Phobia, so it is difficult to be around people. So due to finances I've ended up living in an RV Park and if any of you have lived/vacationed in one, you know that soon as you open your door there are people in your face. The noise is almost non-stop, trucks cars driving by. Lights on 24/7.
Due to my anxiety my social circle has dropped to 0. This past week my sister (aside from other things)got fed up and dropped out of my life. So for the past 2 weeks I haven't been able to go out to get groceries so I'm existing on what is in the RV which means hot drink and toast in the am. and scraping out the frozen stuff in the freezer for a meal at dinner time. So I've lost 10 lbs and that adds to the anxiety as I've always been slender and now I'm self-conscious about being thin among other things. I did make it outside day before yesterday and got a little pizza and a McFlurry at the drive-thru. I know my neighbors wonder as they see little of me, and with colder weather, even less. It was a hard move to come here (RV Park) and have been here since jan 08 and it is harder and harder. My sister and a friend who lives in So.CA. listen when I tell them how afraid and isolated I am and then suggest taking a walk!! How can I take a freaking walk when I'm too afraid to go out the door? They don't get it at all. My sister just tells me to keep trying different doctors. I've seen so many and tried so many drugs, that have made me so miserable from the side effects and I am supposed to keep on doing that?? :x
My sister was helping me getting food and such and was paid through IHSS. Now I don't have her. I put an ad on Craigslist and got a lot of replies, but that means I have to meet strangers and ask them for help.
I swear if it wasn't for my critters depending on me, I'd find a bridge and jump. Another worry: getting out and getting food for them.
Does anyone here understand??? I'm not young anymore, so it isn't like I can think, I'll keep working at it and I still have a lot of life and fun to experience. I feel useless . I'm still dealing with the grief of losing my Mom to colon cancer (I was her sole caregiver and that wore me out)and feeling like I didn't do enough for her and make her last days better.
I'm going to stop for now, otherwise there would be a book typed here and already it is whine, whine, whine. I am just trying to share with others and to see if I can help them and perhaps have some that can identify with my experiences. If you've read this far thanks.
Due to my anxiety my social circle has dropped to 0. This past week my sister (aside from other things)got fed up and dropped out of my life. So for the past 2 weeks I haven't been able to go out to get groceries so I'm existing on what is in the RV which means hot drink and toast in the am. and scraping out the frozen stuff in the freezer for a meal at dinner time. So I've lost 10 lbs and that adds to the anxiety as I've always been slender and now I'm self-conscious about being thin among other things. I did make it outside day before yesterday and got a little pizza and a McFlurry at the drive-thru. I know my neighbors wonder as they see little of me, and with colder weather, even less. It was a hard move to come here (RV Park) and have been here since jan 08 and it is harder and harder. My sister and a friend who lives in So.CA. listen when I tell them how afraid and isolated I am and then suggest taking a walk!! How can I take a freaking walk when I'm too afraid to go out the door? They don't get it at all. My sister just tells me to keep trying different doctors. I've seen so many and tried so many drugs, that have made me so miserable from the side effects and I am supposed to keep on doing that?? :x
My sister was helping me getting food and such and was paid through IHSS. Now I don't have her. I put an ad on Craigslist and got a lot of replies, but that means I have to meet strangers and ask them for help.
I swear if it wasn't for my critters depending on me, I'd find a bridge and jump. Another worry: getting out and getting food for them.
Does anyone here understand??? I'm not young anymore, so it isn't like I can think, I'll keep working at it and I still have a lot of life and fun to experience. I feel useless . I'm still dealing with the grief of losing my Mom to colon cancer (I was her sole caregiver and that wore me out)and feeling like I didn't do enough for her and make her last days better.
I'm going to stop for now, otherwise there would be a book typed here and already it is whine, whine, whine. I am just trying to share with others and to see if I can help them and perhaps have some that can identify with my experiences. If you've read this far thanks.