gypsylee
10-15-2017, 08:04 PM
Here’s some writing from one of the webpages I’ve been working on. I find writing a bit tedious sometimes and other times I love it. In my final year of school I was awarded Excellence in English. Anyway, I hope someone gets something out of this. Check out my awesome (*sarcasm*) webpage.
16 October 2017
Okay so I found out last night the guy I was seeing has hooked up with someone else. I’m out of benzos and oxycodone and I can’t/won’t drink, so at the moment I’m pretty much feeling the full force of the anxiety. It’s really uncomfortable but I don’t have to do anything much, so I’ve decided to start getting more sober from pills now.
The Phoenix picture is representative of how many times I’ve had nervous breakdowns, drug withdrawals etc and have risen again. I don’t know if I’m stronger for it. I guess I am because I’ve not taken to alcohol throughout the chaos and pain of the last week, despite many opportunities to do so. I’ll probably get one tattooed at some stage (a Phoenix not alcohol lol).
So what does anxiety feel like for me? Like a big knot in my stomach and a general sense of dread. It comes and goes a bit. My brain is wired to seek comfort from it — probably a combination of genetic alcoholism and a very neurotic mother who dosed my brother and I up on pills when she needed us to sleep. My brother died from a heroin/benzodiazepine overdose in 2014. Tomorrow would have been his 37th birthday. So anyway, my brain niggles away at me to find some drug that will make me feel good, if even for a few hours. I smoke cigarettes like a chimney.
I’ve read on the forum a ton of nasty symptoms people get with anxiety. My only physical symptoms are that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and a rapid heart beat. The true "pain" is mental and my head loves coming up with a whole host of awful things. The thoughts give me really uncomfortable adrenaline rushes and I can’t think straight. That’s probably the worst part because when I’m relaxed my mind is very sharp. This is when the nagging in the back of my mind starts: "a few beers and it’ll all go away". I’ve considered getting a monkey tattooed on my back.
One of my teeth hurts so I don’t feel like writing much more at the moment. My teeth have sort of fallen apart from years of heavy drinking, psych meds, untreated diabetes etc, so I’m definitely no stranger to toothache. I’ve had abscesses, dry sockets, you name it. In a way I actually enjoy the dull throbbing because it’s just so basic compared to mental/emotional pain. A nerve in my tooth is decaying.. Pull out the tooth and it will stop. I wish it were that simple with emotions.
My mother is texting me, which adds to my anxiety most of the time. So I’m done here.
https://gypsylee.simdif.com
16 October 2017
Okay so I found out last night the guy I was seeing has hooked up with someone else. I’m out of benzos and oxycodone and I can’t/won’t drink, so at the moment I’m pretty much feeling the full force of the anxiety. It’s really uncomfortable but I don’t have to do anything much, so I’ve decided to start getting more sober from pills now.
The Phoenix picture is representative of how many times I’ve had nervous breakdowns, drug withdrawals etc and have risen again. I don’t know if I’m stronger for it. I guess I am because I’ve not taken to alcohol throughout the chaos and pain of the last week, despite many opportunities to do so. I’ll probably get one tattooed at some stage (a Phoenix not alcohol lol).
So what does anxiety feel like for me? Like a big knot in my stomach and a general sense of dread. It comes and goes a bit. My brain is wired to seek comfort from it — probably a combination of genetic alcoholism and a very neurotic mother who dosed my brother and I up on pills when she needed us to sleep. My brother died from a heroin/benzodiazepine overdose in 2014. Tomorrow would have been his 37th birthday. So anyway, my brain niggles away at me to find some drug that will make me feel good, if even for a few hours. I smoke cigarettes like a chimney.
I’ve read on the forum a ton of nasty symptoms people get with anxiety. My only physical symptoms are that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and a rapid heart beat. The true "pain" is mental and my head loves coming up with a whole host of awful things. The thoughts give me really uncomfortable adrenaline rushes and I can’t think straight. That’s probably the worst part because when I’m relaxed my mind is very sharp. This is when the nagging in the back of my mind starts: "a few beers and it’ll all go away". I’ve considered getting a monkey tattooed on my back.
One of my teeth hurts so I don’t feel like writing much more at the moment. My teeth have sort of fallen apart from years of heavy drinking, psych meds, untreated diabetes etc, so I’m definitely no stranger to toothache. I’ve had abscesses, dry sockets, you name it. In a way I actually enjoy the dull throbbing because it’s just so basic compared to mental/emotional pain. A nerve in my tooth is decaying.. Pull out the tooth and it will stop. I wish it were that simple with emotions.
My mother is texting me, which adds to my anxiety most of the time. So I’m done here.
https://gypsylee.simdif.com