Trying to live with anxiety / depression.

[anxiety99]

To preface this post, I'd like to start off saying that I have no been able to seperate depression and anxiety... I'm anxious when I'm depressed, and I'm depressed when I'm anxious. Anxiety is the biggest drawback in my life. Whenever I try to relax, I get recurring thoughts that destroy my life, more or less. I start to imagine death, what happens after you die, what is the meaning of life, and sometimes the thoughts make me think about how life has no meaning, and it makes no sense if I'm alive or dead. :x :(

I'm 23, I live at home (for now), I have an amazing job, I have a great family and I can't figure out what this is.

I've been to therapy, pyschologist, counselors, psychiatrist and it has helped, but it hasn't gone away.

Currently I'm taking 20 mg's of Lexapro and 200 grams of Bupropion (Wellbutrin) per day, and it has worked in the past, but now it has minimal effects.

I recently took a 2 day trip away from home and I had to be doing something every minute, to get those thoughts from coming back and recurring. It appears to happen whenever I am not staying at home. I couldn't sit still and had to be doing something every minute to help the thought pattern from being supressed. Also when I got on the plane I almost panicked and became afraid of flying... I've been on planes 100s of times and I've never been scared. I feel so lost and hopeless sometimes.

I spoke with my father, who had similar situations. He used to travel on business and he had had anxiety every time he went away. He said that whenever he felt the feeling he took .5-1mg of xanax and it was a miracle, it cured his anxiety right away... he suggested me talking to my psychologist about it. He said when he goes away he still takes the xanax with him, but he hasn't had to use it in years.

Anyone have any thoughts or want to give a hand I'd appreciate it.

[anxiety99]

The anxiety began my senior year of college, 2002/2003. I never had a problem living away from home my first 3 years, but it exploded my sr. year. And now its impossible to leave home. I'm afraid now that it'll be like this when i move out.. which I'd like to do this summer.

Thanks guys.

[Angel]

hmm. have you tried Cognitive therapy?...like every week for a while?...that might help you a whole lot..gives you something to do...like you know you got an apppointment on wednesday and its monday..so you get throug monday and tuesday..keeping track of all your problems and the you go to your appointment and they teach you ways to manage...then for the rest of the week you apply those techniques (deep breathing, reduced stress, countering negative thoughtss...etc).

Anxiety usually triggers depression..and vice versa..so its better to try and not get depressed...haha..telling this to an anxious person..

Keep busy...KNOW you are going to get better...i stopped taking meds for anxiety bekause I knew that every time i would pick up my prescription, i had anxiety problems..but i stopped and now its like...its not a problem no more. its a faktor. that i kan overkome..i dont feel low kause i have to take meds, i just use different techniques....and its working!

but if it works for you, bad ass..its a good way to start off...i started with zoloft and xanax.

but yeah man, dont worry about moving out now..just work on managing anxiety, it will be kool later, i promise.

[anxiety99]

thanks angel!

anyone else?

[shoe]

anxiety99, angel's advice is good.. CBT therapy is the most promising therapy for anxiety right now, although certainly not the only one.

As far as xanax goes, yes.. benzodiazepines like it can work wonders. Also, beta blockers are sometimes prescribed for situations where you wuold normally expect to be facing alot of anxiety. I'm taking a benzodiazepine called clonazepam (brandname Klonopin) for anxiety and it helps me out tremendously. Xanax also helped out alot, but I prefer clonazepam because my head is less 'clouded' when I take it.

The thing to remember with medications is that you can become physically dependent on them if you take them long enough, so its a good idea to discuss all this with a therapist.

[anxiety99]

Thanks man I appreciate it.

It's like, I feel like I'm the only one who gets these feelings... I'm 23, perfectly healthy, i have everything i want, and all I do is fear death... I get these horrible thoughts and what not... I will do anything to get my mind off of it... I begin to panic when i start to even think about thinking about it (sounds funny). And then it goes through my mind that I'm going to die, so it's not like this will ever go away... thats when it can get bad :x :x

I don't really have any physical symptoms of OCD. I'm not a neat freak or a germophobe... I have rituals, but nothing crazy. Like if i touch something with one hand, sometimes i have to with the other.

Have you ever heard of Pure Obsessional OCD? I was reading up on it, and it seems very very specialized, but it is like what i feel.

Here's 2 links I was reading:


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pure_obsessional_ocd

http://www.ocdonline.com/video.php

I'm in NY, but I think this Phillipson is extremely expensive...

Thanks

[shoe]

anxiety99, thats interesting - I never knew about pure obsessional OCD before. I used to do a lot of obsessional/compulsive -like thinking before, not to the point of a disorder but it does seem similar to what they describe. I had always thought of OCD as mostly behavioral (the compulsive rituals part), but its interesting to think of it in a purely cognitive way too.

thanks for the links!
shoe