newnoise
11-16-2008, 11:16 PM
Hey everyone,
my name's cameron and I'm 16 years old.
I come to you with a major problem in my life; anxiety. To my knowledge my anxiety problems started when I was in 6th grade, when I experienced my first panic attack.
Since then my anxiety has seemed to come and go, without any real explanation as to why. I can go months, and even whole years, at a time without feeling any anxiety, whatsoever. But when it does return, it's usually without any explanation, just as when it leaves. My symptoms include those that would generally attributed to an anxiety disorder; I fear certain tasks for no apparent reason, I fear getting in cars, buses, classes or generally anywhere that I might not easily be able to escape from and, I almost always have a sense of anxiety surrounding me throughout the day. Specific to my case though, my anxiety tends to be most apparent in my eyes. It's sort of hard to explain, but it tends to build up more and more to the point where I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack (which I usually proceed to do directly after). This strange manifestation of anxiety in my eyes can be felt throughout the day, but I'm usually able to ignore it or calm myself to the point where I can manage it.
My anxiety has most recently reemerged at the beginning of this school year (which leads me to believe that school itself could have been a trigger.) I was mostly able to deal with it considering I've had to do it so many times before. A month into it though I began to feel very strange. Along with my anxiety I was experiencing extreme sadness to the point where I felt like breaking down and sobbing at certain points in the day. After about a week or so of that, it seemed to subside. But again, a new strange feeling began to creep it's way into my life. I began to have this irrational fear that, for some reason, I would lose the desire to remain friends with my best mates. I would dwell and agonize over this feeling all throughout the day, causing what I can only describe as an everlasting "bad feeling" in the pit of my stomach. Although I knew that these thoughts were completely irrational and that I still loved my friends, I couldn't keep them [the thoughts] away. Again, after a week or two those thoughts and feelings went away also. But they were only to reappear as a fear that I didn't enjoy music anymore (I should note that music is one of the most cathartic things in my life and I wouldn't be able to live without it). I knew also that these thoughts and feelings were irrational and odd, but I still couldn't shake them. Once again, those feelings disappeared, now only to come back as a fear that I might not like a girl whom I've had feelings for since before my anxiety burst back into my life. I have no idea how or why these feelings keep coming back, but I'm at my wit's end. Also, the same anxiety still persists, all of these strange feelings are just an added bonus.
Tonight I broke down and began to cry, I can't really take all of this anymore. Life is just not enjoyable when having to live it like this, especially when you're a teenage kid.
If someone could please explain to me what all of this is, why it's happening and what I should do about it, if it's part of anxiety, if it's depression or if it's just plain old me, that would be great.
Also, I am seeing a counselor, but it doesn't really seem to help all that much.
P.S. thank you for reading all of this, it means allot to me that a stranger could care about my problems.
peace and respect,
cam.
my name's cameron and I'm 16 years old.
I come to you with a major problem in my life; anxiety. To my knowledge my anxiety problems started when I was in 6th grade, when I experienced my first panic attack.
Since then my anxiety has seemed to come and go, without any real explanation as to why. I can go months, and even whole years, at a time without feeling any anxiety, whatsoever. But when it does return, it's usually without any explanation, just as when it leaves. My symptoms include those that would generally attributed to an anxiety disorder; I fear certain tasks for no apparent reason, I fear getting in cars, buses, classes or generally anywhere that I might not easily be able to escape from and, I almost always have a sense of anxiety surrounding me throughout the day. Specific to my case though, my anxiety tends to be most apparent in my eyes. It's sort of hard to explain, but it tends to build up more and more to the point where I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack (which I usually proceed to do directly after). This strange manifestation of anxiety in my eyes can be felt throughout the day, but I'm usually able to ignore it or calm myself to the point where I can manage it.
My anxiety has most recently reemerged at the beginning of this school year (which leads me to believe that school itself could have been a trigger.) I was mostly able to deal with it considering I've had to do it so many times before. A month into it though I began to feel very strange. Along with my anxiety I was experiencing extreme sadness to the point where I felt like breaking down and sobbing at certain points in the day. After about a week or so of that, it seemed to subside. But again, a new strange feeling began to creep it's way into my life. I began to have this irrational fear that, for some reason, I would lose the desire to remain friends with my best mates. I would dwell and agonize over this feeling all throughout the day, causing what I can only describe as an everlasting "bad feeling" in the pit of my stomach. Although I knew that these thoughts were completely irrational and that I still loved my friends, I couldn't keep them [the thoughts] away. Again, after a week or two those thoughts and feelings went away also. But they were only to reappear as a fear that I didn't enjoy music anymore (I should note that music is one of the most cathartic things in my life and I wouldn't be able to live without it). I knew also that these thoughts and feelings were irrational and odd, but I still couldn't shake them. Once again, those feelings disappeared, now only to come back as a fear that I might not like a girl whom I've had feelings for since before my anxiety burst back into my life. I have no idea how or why these feelings keep coming back, but I'm at my wit's end. Also, the same anxiety still persists, all of these strange feelings are just an added bonus.
Tonight I broke down and began to cry, I can't really take all of this anymore. Life is just not enjoyable when having to live it like this, especially when you're a teenage kid.
If someone could please explain to me what all of this is, why it's happening and what I should do about it, if it's part of anxiety, if it's depression or if it's just plain old me, that would be great.
Also, I am seeing a counselor, but it doesn't really seem to help all that much.
P.S. thank you for reading all of this, it means allot to me that a stranger could care about my problems.
peace and respect,
cam.