darklight
11-14-2008, 01:48 PM
coming back from vacation over the summer, I was carefree, easygoing, completely living in the moment, things were relaxed and going well. Ever since the weather started getting bad end of September, however, things have just been getting out of hand. First it was fatigue, not wanting to do much with my day, not wanting to see people, but I still had my confidence. It escalated into what it is now, constant worrying about every aspect of daily life: anxiety about studying, going out in public, doing any task that involves effort (even laundry, shaving, and making frozen food), anxiety about talking to the opposite sex, anxiety about which person of the opposite sex to actually go for (i.e. will it be the best choice? Will it be worth it). This has sent me into a downward spiral of depression, feeling like an utterly worthless failure, who at almost 20 years old has amounted to nothing, even though I attend one of the better universities in the country, take pretty hard classes, am good at playing music, and have been told by older people that I am actually that smart. I have had beautiful and intelligent partners in the past, but all this and the above do nothing to convince me of having any worth. I understand now that it must be all in my head, but I occasionally do get that feeling that ending it would put an end to this, even though I know I wont act on it. I can't do this anymore, it is interfering with my education, my social life, and my well being. While I am seeing a counselor, i feel once a week is not enough. Please feel free to sympathize, suggest any coping strategies that have worked for you, relate, sing along, or just merely read. Thank you all in advance.