Keep avoiding college and other life stuff. Please help!

[Eviechu]

Hello!

(I believe this is the right place to post this)

I've had agoraphobia since I was a child, and it hasn't gotten any better, even with therapy and meds. It's just gotten worse.

My main issue right now is school. The longer I go to school, the more anxious I get. What I mean by this is at the beginning of the semester I'll be fine, but the longer it goes on the worse and worse I get (which makes it really hard to expose myself to it to learn how to handle it).

I need some help. It's gotten to the point that I'm getting panic attacks even thinking about going or the work, which shut down my legs (I have a conversion disorder, as well). I don't know what to do anymore! This is only my first semester at college, and it's only one class. ONE CLASS twice a week.

I don't want to become a recluse. I don't want to drop out. But the first thing my brain goes to is, "if I drop out and run away from society, I'll be able to be safe."

Thank you in advance.

[iwanttobeok]

Are there any specific thoughts about your fears when in class or anywhere else? Is there a feeling of being stuck/forced to be there, and that you can't keep up with the material? Do you feel people judging?

[Eviechu]

It's a mix of being stuck/forced to be there, not keeping up with expectations, and just being overwhelmed by all the sensory things. All the new noises and smells break my brain. I just can't cope. ;-;

[gypsylee]

Hi Eviechu and welcome :)

Just a heads-up - post in the General Discussion section and you'll get more responses (probably).

Take a listen to the Claire Weekes thing in my signature.

All the best,
Gypsy x

[iwanttobeok]

Don't base your expectations off of others', unless you have a tuition requirement or something :p You can bring something from where you stay at so you feel closer to it with a familiar smell and theme. Stay to see if you like what you're studying :)

[self12]

Hi there,

I can't say that I am agoraphobic, but I do know I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable in crowds of people or being in public where it is really busy. I have found that sometimes we feel anxious around others i.e. at school for example, and so one thing that may help is to look around. Just simply looking around, you will see that people get on with their own thing. They're not looking at you, they're not judging what you're doing. Often the fear that stems from being around others is because we think we are being watched and judged, but in reality it is all in our head. I think that looking at your great attitude to school and wanting to finish the semester shows YOU HAVE IT IN YOU. You can do it, you can complete it, believe me. Your mind and your assets are greater than your fears. Sometimes we just need a push and perhaps support. As for the one class twice a week, I used to go to college 5 days a week at varied times. Some days I was there from 9-5:30! When I first started college it was with people I did not know as I moved from east to south London.
My point is, even when we think we can't do it, we can! And, focusing on your work is important. Like you said, you don't want to become a recluse. So, get yourself out there as much as you can. Even if we have a bad day and feel really anxious, at least at the end of the day you can sit back and think 'yes, I did it and I am so damn proud of myself'.

I hope this helps! You will get through this 100%