Jimbo73
11-12-2008, 09:30 PM
I'll get right to the point. I'm 17. For the last few years I've been doing my absolute best to diagnose / be meticulous about every aspect of what I experience and when I experience it. Triggers, patterns, the whole 17 yards. I actually made a few very sophisticated diagrams pinpointing a solution..however I've discovered things since that have changed those drastically.
I seem to have different personalities. They don't differ radically ( which rules out bipolar, I think ), but I just seem to act different around different people. Energy levels, intelligence levels, quick to joke levels, subtle levels, and manner levels all seem to adjust slightly to the person I'm talking to. There really is no pattern. It has nothing to do with what I think they expect, or what I think they want to hear. It has nothing to do with how I look when I talk to them. And sometimes I act different around those people in the same exact situations..like I said there's no identifiable pattern. I know this is true and not a misinterpretation of myself because of how they react as well only further backing my theory of acting different around them on a different day. I used to think it was all about being self conscious as I was overweight, but once I lost it all the problem remained. Maybe this was the catalyst...I'm not sure. I don't think it's a social phobia, because when I'm alone I still don't feel anxiety free.
The biggest advancement in this study of mine, if you will, is alcohol. When I drank for the first time, being drunk was fun, whatever, I'm sure you all know about that. Two days later I experienced the most amazing feeling of my life. I was myself. I was my personality. Everything flowed, I could converse like a normal god damned human being and I wasn't worried about every syllable of every word I said. I was the man. Neutral, hilarious, smart, witty, a personality to kill. This feeling lasted about 4 days.
Now I obviously craved that feeling afterward, not to mention wanted to further research how alcohol impacted me, and drink near every weekend. The pattern is usually
Day #1 - not myself ( normal )
Day #2 - drunk
Day #3 - not myself ( normal )
Day #4 - not myself ( normal )
Day #5 - myself ( what i want to be considered normal )
Day #6 - myself ( what i want to be considered normal )
Day #7 - myself ( what i want to be considered normal )
Day #8 - myself ( what i want to be considered normal )
Day #9 - not myself ( normal )
So basically once I get drunk it takes a couple days for the after effect to kick in of being anxiety free. So I'm thinking maybe there's some kind of ingredient that takes a few days to be absorbed by your body ? Since this anxiety free state is so consistent I think it really as being anxiety free rather than my personality adjusting...not to mention i never worry like I do ALWAYS when my personality changes, and everything just flows, and I have the time of my life. This means that something coming from alcohol isn't just making me into a person I'm not, but rather, correcting some anatomical mistake. Did someone say steak D:
I've tried fluxotine, but it changed absolutely nothing. I'll probably be adding to this frequently, all help is enormously appreciated and I would be willing to actually send a fair amount of money to someone if they were insightful / pointed me to a solution. This was just a short blurp of a fraction of all of my thoughts on the matter. Thank you vvv much if you read this far. Solving this would make my life more lucrative and luxurious by AT LEAST 10 fold. Thank you again :)
I seem to have different personalities. They don't differ radically ( which rules out bipolar, I think ), but I just seem to act different around different people. Energy levels, intelligence levels, quick to joke levels, subtle levels, and manner levels all seem to adjust slightly to the person I'm talking to. There really is no pattern. It has nothing to do with what I think they expect, or what I think they want to hear. It has nothing to do with how I look when I talk to them. And sometimes I act different around those people in the same exact situations..like I said there's no identifiable pattern. I know this is true and not a misinterpretation of myself because of how they react as well only further backing my theory of acting different around them on a different day. I used to think it was all about being self conscious as I was overweight, but once I lost it all the problem remained. Maybe this was the catalyst...I'm not sure. I don't think it's a social phobia, because when I'm alone I still don't feel anxiety free.
The biggest advancement in this study of mine, if you will, is alcohol. When I drank for the first time, being drunk was fun, whatever, I'm sure you all know about that. Two days later I experienced the most amazing feeling of my life. I was myself. I was my personality. Everything flowed, I could converse like a normal god damned human being and I wasn't worried about every syllable of every word I said. I was the man. Neutral, hilarious, smart, witty, a personality to kill. This feeling lasted about 4 days.
Now I obviously craved that feeling afterward, not to mention wanted to further research how alcohol impacted me, and drink near every weekend. The pattern is usually
Day #1 - not myself ( normal )
Day #2 - drunk
Day #3 - not myself ( normal )
Day #4 - not myself ( normal )
Day #5 - myself ( what i want to be considered normal )
Day #6 - myself ( what i want to be considered normal )
Day #7 - myself ( what i want to be considered normal )
Day #8 - myself ( what i want to be considered normal )
Day #9 - not myself ( normal )
So basically once I get drunk it takes a couple days for the after effect to kick in of being anxiety free. So I'm thinking maybe there's some kind of ingredient that takes a few days to be absorbed by your body ? Since this anxiety free state is so consistent I think it really as being anxiety free rather than my personality adjusting...not to mention i never worry like I do ALWAYS when my personality changes, and everything just flows, and I have the time of my life. This means that something coming from alcohol isn't just making me into a person I'm not, but rather, correcting some anatomical mistake. Did someone say steak D:
I've tried fluxotine, but it changed absolutely nothing. I'll probably be adding to this frequently, all help is enormously appreciated and I would be willing to actually send a fair amount of money to someone if they were insightful / pointed me to a solution. This was just a short blurp of a fraction of all of my thoughts on the matter. Thank you vvv much if you read this far. Solving this would make my life more lucrative and luxurious by AT LEAST 10 fold. Thank you again :)