I don't know what to do

[ParkourDood]

I keep fucking everything up by being the worst at bloody everything and then I'll hit myself and someone (my dad or mother or someone) will come to shout at me to stop which makes me even angrier and I hit myself even harder. I can't escape anywhere because I have no friends and I find everything dull (expect parkour or dancing but I fuck up always in them). Having no friends gives me regular panic attacks because I always feel alone and the feeling of loneliness is so fucking bad that I regularly think of ending it all. I only have people to talk to in school but now is summer vacation obviously and everyone I know has better friends than me and don't want to hang out ever. Now I only rot in my room hitting myself or climbing stupidly high buildings to feel anything. Yeah I'm a total loser and I don't even know why I wrote this piece of crap.

[gypsylee]

You can do parkour? I know you say you fuck it up but still, that's seriously cool.

[TuesdayBlue]

Is it posible for you to join an art class or something? An environment where you can be around people but ease in, not head-on social? You could also volunteer at a local animal shelter?

[iwanttobeok]

What TB said :p You can start off making something cool and have someone peep your work, then have some conversations and go from there :) Do you feel you mess up stuff because you still feel sad after you do it? You could be legit good and say you're a fuck-up because the thrill is temporary to you. There are some parkour and dance groups and groups for whatever else in places, but if it's like a wasteland out there you can look for some summer programs anyways :) You can just open conversation by asking for a paintbrush or something and then talk about how art is lit or something dumb as hell like that, but hey you're having a talk :p. You could address more than one person if you don't feel comfortable addressing just one person or vice-versa. Just try your hand at everything from swimming to writing and other stuff, but don't abandon what you like already! Recording your thoughts can help. You got us too!