Hello I am new and having a hard time tonight

[chickentender]

I struggle with anxiety from time to time. I've gotten better lately, but recently, I've been having a medical issue that scares me a lot and is making me anxious and triggering my PTSD.

I tried to talk to my boyfriend about how I was feeling tonight. I am going to see if my therapist can fit me in tomorrow, but I needed to feel some love or support tonight. I have been with my boyfriend a long time. I woke him up and told him I really need someone to talk to I feel alone and am embarrassed to tell anyone else what's going on. He got angry that I woke him up and demanded I tell him what I needed. I told him just support and understanding. He told me he doesn't understand and can't help me, I need to go to my therapist. I told him I needed a hug and he told me I did not. I only need myself. I told him that when I was dealing with these fears I'm having tonight it helped me in the past when people did XY&Z. He blew up and said he can't take any more of this (my anxiety hasn't been bad for about 7 months now), that I'm saying all this stuff he does wrong by comparing me to other people, etc.

I stupidly tried to explain more but he wanted to tell me why he reacted how he did. I was angry by this point and my anxiety was spiraling so I got nasty and he told me to f off and die, he doesn't care what happens to me, we're over (he resorts to the break up threat whenever he's having a tantrum).

What is making me anxious tonight is a medical issue that I am afraid to deal with alone. I wanted to feel support. My boyfriend is supportive sometimes, but is never affectionate and at his worst, can be like this.

I'm just feeling very alone right now. I literally have no one else to talk to about what's happening with me....I mean I could, but I don't want to talk about how right now, at this moment, I'm doing worse after I had finally been doing better. It's too hard for me to get into.

I hope someone is awake and reading. It would really comfort me right now to know someone is there. I don't know how active this forum is as I just signed up. The old forum I used to use is now gone apparently. Hello everyone.

[gypsylee]

Hi and welcome :)

Sorry noone's got to this yet. There's nothing worse than that feeling of being totally alone.

I've always been terrified of waking men up because I've often been yelled at :( I hope you're feeling better now.

Bye for now,
Gypsy x

[chickentender]

Thank you for your response gypsylee, it means a lot. My therapist is unable to fit me in and I am panicking so hard I'm unable to leave my bed. I'm afraid to move my body out of the bed. I may have to call a crisis hotline to get through this right now.

[Kirk]

Sorry you are feeling so poorly. What medical issue?

[Kirk]

You may also feel better if you get out of bed and move around a bit. Watch TV, listen to music, etc. may make you feel better.

[chickentender]

Thank you Kirk, I am having an issue with allergies. I have an instance of anaphylaxis in my past and my fear around that has been triggered. I am not sure what is causing the symptoms I'm experiencing now as I haven't been exposed to any of the things that I know I am allergic to. I am afraid that it is something I ate and am suddenly allergic to. I am afraid to eat today because I am afraid of going into shock. I haven't eaten yet. I have never avoided food from this fear before.

[Synner]

First thing is that you should be sure to at least drink plenty of water. If you're also afraid to do that, you should get to your doctor.

What are your current symptoms aside from being afraid to eat anything? Are they the same as what happens when you eat something you're allergic to or are they different?

Also, you should seriously consider replacing your boyfriend. It is hard for people that don't suffer from this to understand what we go through, but at the very least, a partner should be sympathetic and supportive...not a contributing factor.

[chickentender]

Hi Synner, thank you. I'm not in a place to make major life decisions like that at the moment. A least for now he came home from work early and is making rice for me. I am drinking some.

I have never had food allergies, my known serious allergies are all to medicines along with some seasonal/environmental allergies, so I don't know how I would react with a food allergy.

[chickentender]

My symptoms a few days ago were upset stomach issues and sore, tight throat after I ate something with all foods I have eaten before in it. That resolved and then the next day, a hive popped up over my left eye. When I had anaphylaxis, the first thing I noticed were hives over my left eye, so this was what triggered me so badly.

[gypsylee]

Have you tried deep breathing? It sounds simplistic and I didn't take it seriously until I read up on the way it affects the nervous system. It basically stimulates the part of the nervous system (parasympathetic) that slows things down - it's the opposite to the flight or fight mechanism. It's not a miracle cure but can make a real difference. Sometimes if I have a panic attack I just lie on my bed doing deep breathing for about an hour. It's not so much the deepness of the breath but the use of the diaphragm rather than the chest (which causes shallow breathing). Sometimes it works better for me than others but it's worth a try.

[chickentender]

I am so bad at deep breathing, but I did try laying down very calm and still earlier and that helped me a bit. I spoke to someone at a crisis hotline, which helped me stand up out of bed and I was able to reach a nurse on my insurance card nurse hotline to discuss the medical issue, which helped some. Thank you so much for your replies <3

[Synner]

My symptoms a few days ago were upset stomach issues and sore, tight throat after I ate something with all foods I have eaten before in it. That resolved and then the next day, a hive popped up over my left eye. When I had anaphylaxis, the first thing I noticed were hives over my left eye, so this was what triggered me so badly.I don't know a great deal about allergies. Obviously you should talk to your doctor. But I do know stress, and therefore aniexty, can cause hives. The thing about anxiety and panic disorder is that it tends to cascade. Meaning an upset stomach could start the stress which then can produce hives.

You should get checked out to rule out a new allergy, but it's extremely likely it's anxiety.

[chickentender]

Yes Synner, you are so right. I am trying to keep that in perspective. I have had rashes and bumps and hives from anxiety before as well as stomach problems. I've been wracking my brain to try to figure out what was similar between now and the time I had this on New Year's Day....the only other time I had a hive over that eye and there were two of them and I had a food poisoning type experience. The only similarity was I had smoothies on both days. As far as I recall, the only ingredient in common was almond milk, but I eat almond crackers all the time. Otherwise, there were blended up fruits, but not the same ones in either smoothie as far as I recall.

I am literally eating rice with butter and salt and now adding chicken to it because this is what the nurse on my insurance card hotline advised, adding in foods one by one. I hate this, it's not doing wonders for my anxiety either. But I am in a bit of a better place now than I was last night through this afternoon.

Just trying to keep it all in perspective now.

[Synner]

But I am in a bit of a better place now than I was last night through this afternoon. That's great to hear. Do you keep anything on hand for your allergies? Like an epi-pen or something? If you do, that should help you, as a mental crutch, while you reintroduce foods.

[sarsaparilla]

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. You are going to be okay! I've had fear that has prevented me from eating food and it can be frustrating. Even though it's hard, remind yourself that this is all temporary. You will feel better. And there's no need to give yourself a hard time because your anxiety has gotten worse. Feeling guilty over it won't get you anywhere. Recovery isn't always linear; there are going to be bumps in the road.

There are people in your life who care about you and will be patient and support you. Your boyfriend telling you to f off and die is messed up and not okay. You need support, not that kind of unacceptable behavior. I hope you can see that and find a way to get away from him.

[chickentender]

Thank you guys for your support.

-Yes, I do have an EpiPen 2pack. I have to educate myself better on how to use it. I am so nervous about the thought that I have avoided thinking about it too much and learning to use it, I know that's bad. Thankfully, I have never needed it and I carry it everywhere.

-Thank you. No, it isn't ok that he said that. Our relationship is very stressed right now due to several factors. These kinds of outbursts are not something I feel I can deal with forever and I'm not sure he can refrain from them during times of high stress as we have been together several years. That's a whole different complicated and extremely stressful topic for me. I don't have a support network really. I lost a lot of friends when my PTSD problems came along and never made new ones.

[gypsylee]

I am so bad at deep breathing, but I did try laying down very calm and still earlier and that helped me a bit. I spoke to someone at a crisis hotline, which helped me stand up out of bed and I was able to reach a nurse on my insurance card nurse hotline to discuss the medical issue, which helped some. Thank you so much for your replies <3

You're welcome :) I'm glad something helped! The breathing does take a bit of practice and at first it can even be uncomfortable. But it really works (sometimes). Anyway it's good to see you're getting some support on here.

[Synner]

Thank you guys for your support.

-Yes, I do have an EpiPen 2pack. I have to educate myself better on how to use it. I am so nervous about the thought that I have avoided thinking about it too much and learning to use it, I know that's bad. Thankfully, I have never needed it and I carry it everywhere.I have administered them for other people twice. Kids whom I coached in youth baseball. They are basically idiot proof. But I understand the situation is completely different if you have to administer one on yourself. Definitely something you should be confident about doing, regardless of other anxiety. In fact being confident in that may help you out in more general terms as well.