Major relapse!!! [Archive] - Anxiety Forum - A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks

Evilbob333

11-04-2008, 12:27 PM

After many weeks feeling much, much better I had a big old crash down last night! Twas truly horrible...i was convinced i was finally lose my mind! I had to ring my mum and come stay at her house...it was the first proper attack i've had in about three months, as opposed to the general feeling of anxiety.
I know its my own fault, i thought i was much better recovered than i probably was...trying to run before my walking was up to scratch. I'd been out partying too many nights...drinking too much and not sleeping enough, trying to get my life back on track.
Anyway it started when i started reading about a philosophical viewpoint called solopism (and please dont look this up if you're easily frightened, it really can be terrifying) and i started getting lots of 'what ifs' flying through my mind, i couldn't control it...i was terrified that i might be the only person, and everything else is in my imagination...i thought i'd lost the plot, really...i was asking my mum whether i needed to go to the hospital, feeling really scared, vulnerable, in a bit of an altered state of reality...freaking out big time!
I know that like i say it was caused by me not looking after myself properly and that its just a blip but i'm just looking for reassurance and support. I took the day off work today and already feel a little bit inconfident about going back in, etc... I dont want to be off work long term again, i want to move on with my life.
Anyway, any feedback would be helpful...cheers

northstar

11-04-2008, 01:36 PM

hallo evilbob, i'm so sorry that you're feeling so miserable after all your success :console:

but you know what, this is your first really bad event in 3 months, that's truly amazing! once upon a time you would have felt like this a lot more often, so having one bad attack in such a long time really sounds like progress to me. i hope that you can see it that way too and celebrate how far you have come.

remember that it's ok to have these bad days. you've been through a hell of a lot and getting better is never going to be straightforward. i've had my very own bad patches too, mostly in the first couple of months of getting better i'd have days where i got a sudden shock or was frightened by something and my body would just totally overreact. in fact exactly what you've just described used to happen to me when i read about anything to do with anxiety! i've found that this has slowly stopped happening. i figured what was happening was that any kind of shock sent adrenaline rushing into my body and because of all the anxiety and panic i had been through my body's natural reaction was to totally freak out and go straight into "fight or flight mode" when it felt any bit of adrenaline or else i was just releasing loads of it into my system. but slowly slowly things got back to normal and now i don't overreact like that anymore. does that theory make sense to you?? i don't know if i've explained it very well :? the same may apply for you, it's gonna take your body a while to get used to not overreacting.

also remember you've only just started the CBT, this will totally help you to get a handle on those racing thoughts. give it time to work :) you seem well aware now of how your lifestyle affects your mood, and it's great that you know those things now. i found that it made things less scary if i knew i was feeling anxious because i'd had a little too much to drink or i'd had waaay too many cups of tea lol. so hopefully this knowledge will help you to return to calm soon :)

don't look at this as a relapse my friend, don't put a negative label on it and allow yourself to succumb to it. have confidence in yourself to have a wobbly patch but to pull through it, you've done it for 3 months you can continue to do it. look at all the hard work you've done and be proud :)

i'm posting up for you here an article that i came across several months ago. it made me feel really good for having the strength to fight the anxiety, and i hope it will do the same for you, you need a bit of a boost right now! :D i hope you are back on track soon.

from the Irish Times Health Supplement, Tuesday, Feburary 5, 2008

The Bigger Picture
Fighting fear
by Shalini Sinha

Being brave isn't about having no fear. Rather, what makes us brave is often the fact that we were very afraid and acted anyway. It is difficult to take action when we are afraid because it is so difficult to think when we are frightened. Understanging this can be the key to understanding fear.

When we are shocked or traumatised, our thinking seizes up. If we never recover a sense of power (be it within seconds, months or years), our thinking in that area remains frozen.

The thoughts we do have running around in our heads are often not rational, but ones that replay the original fear. They are distorted perspectives that appear rational only because of how able they are at justifying themselves - "I'm just not the kind of person who would/could do that" or "I will never get over this thing anyway so there's no point trying".

As a result, our fear diverts us so that we continue reacting to situations and don't get the opportunity to take new actions that would reflect the direction we really want for ourselves.

We get frightened when we are confronted by something that looks able to overpower us. Alongside this is usually a feeling of isolation. Human beings rely not only on our own resources to survive, but also the resources we give and receive from our realationships.

Thus, we would feel completely outnumbered by both the resources we could provide ourselves and the resources of those who would protect or stand by us.

For example, what takes our power away, genuinely, is the threat of violence. Except for the fear of being hurt - or other that we love being hurt - nothing else can really stop us from doing anything. These hurts can come in various ways - an example of a psychological hurt is rejection.

Another is creating a myth that we are bad, and having others buy into is. These are hurtful things.

Unless we recover out sense of connection and support, even when the fearful situations changes, the fear will linger within us. Over time, it amplifies. Ultimately, we feel genuinely powerless to it, with the isolation distorting our perspective.

It may be hard to believe it, but we are rarely powerless in our lives. Rather, the moments when our power is truly threatened are immediate, temporary, and always pass.

Part of what makes bravery possible is breaking the isolation. This is how we recover our own power. Breaking isolation does not mean having someone else doing something for you (taking over or taking the care away).

It happens, simply, when someone understands how we feel. That is all. We cannot underestimate the power of empathy and effective listening. It has the ability to diminish any struggle, recover power, and literally change the direction of the world.

When we are in fear, and we act in accordance with the fear, our power continues to be eroded. Bravery occurs at that moment when we take action in the direction that increases our personal power, thus reflecting what is not hurtful to us or others and is creative rather than destructive.

In this way, bravery is an expression of our humanity.

Human beings are vulnerable, but not fragile. It takes a lot to kill us, although it takes very little to hurt us. We can, and indeed are meant to, recover from all our hurts.

They are temporary, and when they have been overcome, add great value to our lives by increasing our empathy, hopefulness, wisdom and knowledge.

Sometimes we are brave because we are facing things we cannot see, and sometimes we are brave because we are willing to face what we can see right in front of us. There are times when our struggle for courage is simply to do what we know we must, when our actions would make things right with the world, even if it appears that we might lose in the process. Somehow, the hurt that ensues when we make things right also often has a purpose.

Remembering this gives us licence to continue to act despite our fears, realising that most people don't know the difference. On the other hand, if you clearly look frightened while taking action, the fact of your action makes your bravery and internal strength that much more obvious.

Still, some people seem numb. They continue to act and simply don't register what feelings might lurk beneath. If you see this and think it is a greater strength, know this: I would never wish for it myself.

When we are numb, our empathy, awareness and insight are lessened. It is through our sensitivities that understanding and wisdom grow.

Embodying strength isn't the same thing as feeling invincinble. Rather, it is by experiencing our vulnerabilities and continuing to move forward in life-affirming ways that we can grow a solid core.