Introduction to the community

[AnxiousMicky]

Hello everyone,

My name is Micky and I am from Geneva, Switzerland. I am a political science student and I recently started experiencing the symptoms of anxiety prior to my fall semester exams. I initially dismissed all the symptoms as stress and overthinking but it's gotten so bad in the last few days that I started googling my symptoms and I learned I had this condition, possibly Generalized Anxiety Disorder or Recurring Panic Attacks in random situations, but daily now. The symptoms I usually have are: racing heartbeat, sweaty hands, trembling, restlessness, insomnia and negative thoughts, the kind that make me feel like I am going crazy and/or losing my mind. It usually happens when I'm on my own doing nothing since when i am busy the symptoms are less obvious. I joined this forum with the hope of talking to some people that will understand what I am going through. I did not tell anyone I know IRL about this because I'm scared of their reaction (will they think I am going nuts ?) but I recently tried to contact a few therapists to get it out of my chest since being alone with this condition makes it really hard to survive. I am very open to exchanging thoughts with other people and if I can be of any help whatsoever to someone else, I would feel like I have done my part to alleviate some of the pain and terror this condition can create in our minds.

Best regards to everyone

Stay brave

Micky

[gypsylee]

Hi Micky and welcome :)

[AnxiousMicky]

Hello everyone, checking in again.

Here are some of the things that happen to me regularly that I would like some insight about:

Sometimes, when the anxiety gets really bad, and stress rushes through my body and mind, I feel like I've already lived/seen the situation I'm living in a dream or in a vision, like a déjà-vu or a premonition, and that this moment, or in the really near future, I will die or something catastrophic (natural disaster, me going completely nuts, losing control, getting rejected by my family because of a breakdown...) will happen and there is nothing I can do about it.

Also, some other times I get a foggy feeling of being in a dream-like state, like I am not participating in reality and everything (so familiar cognitively) seems and feels... new. It's not a bad feeling per se, but it feels strange and like it shouldn't really happen too often. Is it derealization ?

Some other times I feel an existential fear of my own mortality, that gets me really nervous and anxious to do a lot of things fast and good in order to produce something worthwhile while I am still alive. Terrifying feeling. It feels like the skull some artists have on their desk is constantly following me around, reminding me of time ticking away... it can really make me anxious and a little sad, but I don't allow myself to get demoralized by it.

Also, sometimes I get wierd memory and attention blocks. Sometimes I forget, for a brief period of time, what I did the day before or a sentence I just heard etc...
Some other times, I can't seem to focus so well on the task at hand and get lost in a thought and need to consciously remind myself of what I was doing. That's weird because I've always had a great memory and attention/concentration capability.

Finally, although it's true I have myopia, I noticed like I can't really see that well without my glasses on, compared to other times when I am not as much stressed out. Like if anxiety and stress diminished the power of my eyes... is it because I spend a lot of times looking at screens (computer, iphone and university lectures) and that I have eyesight problems (myopia) in the first place ?

Thanks for reading me.

Have a blessed day.

AnxiousMicky