Adam_Rex
02-23-2017, 04:54 PM
Hello everyone!
I'm writing to you on a particularly desperate evening, with feelings of anguish, despair and imminent doom.
Like some of you, I have been fighting anxiety and depression for quite a while now (since I was 19, I am now 30), and I have reached a point where I think I have lost most of my hope. There's still some left, otherwise I wouldn't be posting this.
I have tried many different things, like CBT, antidepressants, mood stabilizers, awareness techniques, past lives therapy, you name it. Many times over the years, I assumed I was feeling desperate and anguished because of the place I was living in and therefore embarked on journeys to live somewhere else only to realize those feelings followed me everywhere I went.
Right now, I feel extremely hopeless and stuck - don't really think there is a way out. This ultimately leads to extreme negative thinking and, more often than it should, to suicidal thoughts. Now, I wouldn't want to kill myself but sometimes I can't see a reason why I shouldn't. We'll die anyway, sooner or later, and I do believe that life is only worth living if you're able to be happy and excited about it, which is something I feel I am only capable of sporadically (this might be my perspective only, not sure if sporadically is the appropriate word, but today it feels correct).
Thing is, I was a completely different individual before all of this started, before I was 19 and went through a really tough time and then developed insomnia, which led to anxiety and panick at night. From then on, it all snowballed. I'm guessing many of us experienced very similar things. And these things leave a mark, an imprint. SO each time something reminds of any of 'it', 'it' is triggered. It's like dreading something and that being the very thing itself.
Not sure I'm making sense now. Today, I cried in despair, out of pure fear, out of negative thinking and suicidal thoughts. Ultimately, all I want is to be happy, but I can't seem to hold that up for too long.
And so I think my question here is: are there any successful stories out there? People who've experienced something similar for a particularly long time and then grew out of it?
It's just that I feel exhausted after all these years trying to fight the 'demons'. It's like being possessed, that is the best image I can find for anxiety/depression. I'm sick of it, sick of this dread and hopelessness, but can't seem to break the cycle.
I am from Portugal and moved to England in October to pursue my old dream of studying music. I thought it would make everything better, but alas, it didn't. I feel excited about music but the dread and despair remain. Weird. But at least I am excited about one thing.
Sorry for the long text - I feel like this also a way of exorcizing some of those 'demons'.
Wish u all health and happiness.
Ricardo
I'm writing to you on a particularly desperate evening, with feelings of anguish, despair and imminent doom.
Like some of you, I have been fighting anxiety and depression for quite a while now (since I was 19, I am now 30), and I have reached a point where I think I have lost most of my hope. There's still some left, otherwise I wouldn't be posting this.
I have tried many different things, like CBT, antidepressants, mood stabilizers, awareness techniques, past lives therapy, you name it. Many times over the years, I assumed I was feeling desperate and anguished because of the place I was living in and therefore embarked on journeys to live somewhere else only to realize those feelings followed me everywhere I went.
Right now, I feel extremely hopeless and stuck - don't really think there is a way out. This ultimately leads to extreme negative thinking and, more often than it should, to suicidal thoughts. Now, I wouldn't want to kill myself but sometimes I can't see a reason why I shouldn't. We'll die anyway, sooner or later, and I do believe that life is only worth living if you're able to be happy and excited about it, which is something I feel I am only capable of sporadically (this might be my perspective only, not sure if sporadically is the appropriate word, but today it feels correct).
Thing is, I was a completely different individual before all of this started, before I was 19 and went through a really tough time and then developed insomnia, which led to anxiety and panick at night. From then on, it all snowballed. I'm guessing many of us experienced very similar things. And these things leave a mark, an imprint. SO each time something reminds of any of 'it', 'it' is triggered. It's like dreading something and that being the very thing itself.
Not sure I'm making sense now. Today, I cried in despair, out of pure fear, out of negative thinking and suicidal thoughts. Ultimately, all I want is to be happy, but I can't seem to hold that up for too long.
And so I think my question here is: are there any successful stories out there? People who've experienced something similar for a particularly long time and then grew out of it?
It's just that I feel exhausted after all these years trying to fight the 'demons'. It's like being possessed, that is the best image I can find for anxiety/depression. I'm sick of it, sick of this dread and hopelessness, but can't seem to break the cycle.
I am from Portugal and moved to England in October to pursue my old dream of studying music. I thought it would make everything better, but alas, it didn't. I feel excited about music but the dread and despair remain. Weird. But at least I am excited about one thing.
Sorry for the long text - I feel like this also a way of exorcizing some of those 'demons'.
Wish u all health and happiness.
Ricardo