Amnesia ?

[Teafrenzy]

Well, it's been a very interesting 5 months to say the least. My anxiety condition is starting to wither. Yesterday was almost symptom free. At night, I felt the most relaxed as I had felt since my condition began in Mid-Sept 2016. Didn't really feel the fear or de-realization. It's great. I can tell my brain is finally starting to come around.

But now something new and kind of strange... I have a hard time remembering most of the past 5 months. I even re-read some of my older posts on here, and I can't remember writing some of that! Most of the day I have been feeling like "Was that me before..what was I so afraid of?". I remember going to the Doctor a few times, speaking to a psychologist (the conversations are getting hazy) but a lot of it feels like a really, really long and really, really bad dream.

Anyone doing recovery experience some amnesia?

[salvator here]

Hi!

Yes I have this problem also.

I would say (although unofficially) I'm in recovery. Things came to a head December of last year when I was hospitalized, and once briefly this year. Upon being discharged, I knew it was the beginning of my recovery, I could feel the change both mentally and physically. Like you, I could feel my brain finally starting to come around. Honestly though, I will admit I was still dazed for the first week + and was desiring everything all at once I'd been missing over the years. That slowly faded into a more logical reality, and while I'm somewhat missing the blissful feeling, I feel more grounded again. I used to post on here during my extreme panic (and manic) episodes, so when I look back at my older postings, I don't know whom that was typing either - especially during October and November of 2016 when I was depersonalizing to the point of feeling almost as if I were somebody else entirely. I hardly recall most of last year. I was totally isolated and hardly even left the house even 1 time a week and I spent my days in bed horribly depressed and hungover. As I sit here today though and recall the last month, I realize how far I've come. From being almost totally incapacitated to going out everyday and walking and exercising daily and eating regularly again. For the first time in a while, I'm trying to create an actually life for myself.

It sounds like you're on the right track now so you should be proud. But yes, I think its normal to have a bit of amnesia of your dark spots when you were suffering the most. Me.. I'm now just accepting that I was in crisis then and sort of in auto pilot (so to speak) and just going through the motions as best as I could then. We were doing the best we could given our circumstances and state of mind.

I wish you the best and good luck :)

[BrilliantSide]

Have you looked up Anterograde amnesia? Some fascinating stuff on wikipedia about that.

I also know that memories are consolidated and stored while you sleep, so if your sleep was affected over those 5 months then you might not have stored as many memories?

[Jull]

amnesia has no actual cure :(

[aml0017]

I have not had amnesia in the sense I actually forget anything that happened to me but I do find sometimes my anxious periods seem to be a bit of a blur. Like Salvator says, you do go into sort of an "auto pilot" mode where you are just surviving and getting through each day. Not really the best situation for self-awareness. Everything revolves around the anxiety--how bad it is, how to overcome it etc--everything else just falls by the wayside. Also, you say above that you do experience derealization when you are anxious, so that could have a lot of effect on your memory.

I don't experience derealization (or depersonalization?) all the time but for me it is usually a relief from the incessant thoughts. I never remember which is which. What I experience is that feeling where I feel detached from my surroundings, things seem far away, and slower somehow, usually my ears buzz--like a spaced out type of feeling. I think this is what you are referring to? It usually is pretty short lived for me but I can see how long term derealization could make you forget stuff that happened.