Always at noon now

[Huan]

I am having a 10 month recovery from episodes of panic attacks and anxiety mixed up with depression. I can say I'm doing pretty well but I'm not free of it (anxiety to be more precise). It seems the anxiety kicks in every day at the afternoon hours aound 19-22h less or more and I feel like shit then, my fear level about everything goes high then and im questioning my existence. This thing it may sound a easy condition that I'm going through and it would be easy if I had it for 1 day. But god, doing this all over every day sure is frustrating exhausting, making me to question myself even more and make things worse. Tell me are these withdrawal symptoms that I got? I was taking and still take Elicea(escitalopram) and I take some sub dose of sedatives like Lorazepam whenever anxiety weights down with physical symptoms more than usual.
Not to mention anxiety also kicks in at stressful situations (like before exams) or whenever I think of how to spend the day and the day after...I'm almost done with the university, got 2 exams left which I'm going to take soon enough and i got planned work after that (according to the things i study). So there you go, I got a good family, got friends as well(tho they aren't in my home city lately cause they got jobs in the capital city, but I also travel there). My health is in a good condition, we aren't rich nor poor. I got no problems whatsoever that can cause this kind of anxiety.
P.S. It feels like I've experienced lot in my life and things aren't fun anymore, I find no joy at all or joy on a lower level for things I did before, guess I'm entering adulthood now (23yrs old). But it seems I cant find a permanent thing to occupy myself and to be satisfied with it. It seems like anxiety breaks my will and boredom feeds my anxiety, so it's a fucking circle that I cant go out of. Tho know this, I'm willing to beat this once and for all. I just need your opinions and a bit of guidance.

[gypsylee]

Hi Huan,

I know exactly what you mean when you say "anxiety breaks my will and boredom feeds my anxiety". It is such a vicious circle, this thing! My experience when it comes to that and breaking the cycle is that you often have to just make yourself do things.. The "fake it til you make it" approach.

Sometimes I sit here feeling horrible and anxious/depressed but I've been dealing with this long enough to know not to give in to those feelings, so I force myself to do something - yesterday it was going out to the shops and today (although I'm feeling better today) I finished the book I've been reading and will go and do the dishes which are piling up a bit. Then I often find myself on a roll and able to do things without much effort.

There are plenty of other things you can do to get out of the vicious circle but that's just what came to mind reading your post :)

All the best,
Gypsy x

[Huan]

You always seem to reply to me gypsylee, thank you for that :D! I'm waiting for the weather to get warmer and get my bike out and ride on the local mountain. It's a bit dead in my city during the winter so I guess things will get better once we set out with friends to ride some downhill. But I'm willing to feel good without always thinking about finding another occupation just to relief my mind from the worries.

[Butters1196]

I'm going through the same exact thing. As an anxiety sufferer for more than thirty years I know how it can strike at any moment. It hit me hard about a month ago, which it sometimes does, but it never lasts this long which makes me question my sanity and if I'll ever get better. I have gotten better in the past but you can go through it a million times and always think that this is the worst time and I won't beat it. I find talking it out and writing are my best tools. I can't wait to see my psychologist tomorrow. I always feel better after I leave.

[Butters1196]

Oh, mine is the worst when I first wake up.

[Newbie963]

You always seem to reply to me gypsylee, thank you for that :D! I'm waiting for the weather to get warmer and get my bike out and ride on the local mountain. It's a bit dead in my city during the winter so I guess things will get better once we set out with friends to ride some downhill. But I'm willing to feel good without always thinking about finding another occupation just to relief my mind from the worries.

Huan I think it's important to understand (it is for me) that "finding another occupation..for relief" is what everyone does, even folks who wouldn't describe themselves as anxious. I think it's important to have compassion toward yourself rather than judging yourself as in "I shouldn't need to keep busy just to not feel anxiety." I just try to do the things that make me happy. And then even if it's doing dishes like gypsylee above, I try to be mindful during that activity. Immerse yourself in it. The best advice I got and keep getting from my therapist is trying to stay in the present moment. It sounds really hokey, but give it a shot just to see if it works. It takes practice. It takes time. But you're trying to get out of this vicious circle where your thoughts are only negative and only related to your anxiety.

After I did all the research and understood what was happening to me physically, the part that is still left to address is why all these negative thoughts are ruling my life. Your answer will be unique to you, but for me it was a self-esteem issue - and not an obvious one (I have a good job, good friends, relationship, etc...). It is a perfectionist attitude and always beating myself up about little, insignificant things. I hope this helps. I think it's a great use of time to look into some books on self compassion and self-esteem. One that helped me a lot is called Soul without Shame: A Guide to Liberating Yourself from the Judge Within.

[gypsylee]

You always seem to reply to me gypsylee, thank you for that :D! I'm waiting for the weather to get warmer and get my bike out and ride on the local mountain. It's a bit dead in my city during the winter so I guess things will get better once we set out with friends to ride some downhill. But I'm willing to feel good without always thinking about finding another occupation just to relief my mind from the worries.

You're welcome :)

I'm certainly not one to just distract myself and can do what a lot of people would call "nothing" for a long time haha. But sometimes I really do have to DO stuff to not get into a rut. Particularly stuff involving other people because I've realised isolation is no good for me and online friends don't quite cut it (though my best friend ever is in Switzerland so I do talk to her a lot online). I live by myself at the moment and I'm not working, so I make an effort to get out and do things, even if it's just going to the shops. Some days I do just stay in and read books, talk online, play computer games etc. Today will be one of those days I think!