RacingM1nd
01-30-2017, 02:03 PM
Hello all! I'm new here. I've been struggling with anxiety and worrying for quite some time. Here's a bit of background; sorry for the length!
Where do I begin? It feels like for almost my entire life, I've been living with *something* looming over my head. Whether it be a project at work/school, something I said to someone hoping they didn't take it the wrong way, caring what others think about me, what I "should" be doing, trying foods/medications for fear of allergic reactions etc. This feeling has led to me living my life not being able to enjoy the things that most people are able to.
Over the last year and a half I've basically forced myself to get out there. I tried to stop myself from getting in my own head in social/work situations. For the most part I'm pretty good at hiding my anxiety on the outside (I was always able to hide it pretty well by coming off as funny and carefree) except for some outlying instances in which I shut down and become anxious, super aware, and distant. I've always struggled with racing mind and intrusive thoughts for as long as I can remember. I'll have an unsettling thought or idea, and then dwell on it for an unhealthy amount of time bringing my mood down and mentally draining myself.
In November of last year I went on a date with a girl that I had known for some time as an acquaintance. We hit it off instantly, and have been dating ever since. Everything has been fantastic except for one thing...I worry, a lot. Despite her obvious caring for me, I find myself constantly thinking about what she's thinking instead of just letting it happen. I'm confident it stems from my lack of experience and anxious nature (I had only ever kissed a girl up until this point in my life and never been past a second date; I'm 27). Fast forward to the first time we tried to be intimate (a month ago), I told her about my experience (or lack there of). At first she didn't believe me, but I explained to her my anxious nature and she understood. Despite her understanding I was a nervous wreck, it was to the point of shaking (mild, but there), and of course we all know what happens when you're anxious before sex.... nothing, zero libido.
Well, I spent the next week thinking about only how pathetic it was that I couldn't get aroused for a pretty girl that I'm falling for. I kept questioning myself: "Are these feelings real? Am I really attracted to her? Will I ever be able to do this? Why isn't this easy? Why is it easy for everyone else?" I also was depressed and kept thinking about her breaking up with me even though she assured me she wasn't going anywhere. We didn't try again until this past weekend, (for logistical reasons) and I had no problems with arousal until we made it to the bedroom and the clothes came off, then...nothing, again. I was too focused on not messing up again. The GF is being wonderfully supportive, trying to make me feel calm and relaxed. I've honestly never been happier than when I'm with her, and somehow a small part of me thinks it would be easier to just be alone because then I wont be constantly worrying. It's scary, and it's the LAST thing I want.
I always just dealt with my anxiety/worry because it only affected me, and didn't really cause (or so I thought) *that* much inconvenience. Now that it's affecting someone else's life, I feel that it has become important (I know this is terrible logic).
Any tips or suggestions would be very much appreciated! Thanks!
Symptoms:
- Intrusive thoughts; to the point of almost obsessive thinking
- Overthinking new situations or interactions with new people
- Constant worrying about *something*, to the point of if I'm not worrying, I feel weird
- Lack of libido and sex drive/feeling depressed when I think about sex now
- I am able to become aroused when sex is off the table but once the clothes come off... poof, nothing
- Inability to "let go and be in the moment" during intimacy, constant overthinking
- Constant replaying of events in my head, how I could have been better, not messed up etc.
- Agitation because of worrying
- Depression caused by constant worrying and failures/inaction caused by worrying
- Tension in muscles even when I should be relaxed, which GF has noticed; shoulders always seem to be "up"
Where do I begin? It feels like for almost my entire life, I've been living with *something* looming over my head. Whether it be a project at work/school, something I said to someone hoping they didn't take it the wrong way, caring what others think about me, what I "should" be doing, trying foods/medications for fear of allergic reactions etc. This feeling has led to me living my life not being able to enjoy the things that most people are able to.
Over the last year and a half I've basically forced myself to get out there. I tried to stop myself from getting in my own head in social/work situations. For the most part I'm pretty good at hiding my anxiety on the outside (I was always able to hide it pretty well by coming off as funny and carefree) except for some outlying instances in which I shut down and become anxious, super aware, and distant. I've always struggled with racing mind and intrusive thoughts for as long as I can remember. I'll have an unsettling thought or idea, and then dwell on it for an unhealthy amount of time bringing my mood down and mentally draining myself.
In November of last year I went on a date with a girl that I had known for some time as an acquaintance. We hit it off instantly, and have been dating ever since. Everything has been fantastic except for one thing...I worry, a lot. Despite her obvious caring for me, I find myself constantly thinking about what she's thinking instead of just letting it happen. I'm confident it stems from my lack of experience and anxious nature (I had only ever kissed a girl up until this point in my life and never been past a second date; I'm 27). Fast forward to the first time we tried to be intimate (a month ago), I told her about my experience (or lack there of). At first she didn't believe me, but I explained to her my anxious nature and she understood. Despite her understanding I was a nervous wreck, it was to the point of shaking (mild, but there), and of course we all know what happens when you're anxious before sex.... nothing, zero libido.
Well, I spent the next week thinking about only how pathetic it was that I couldn't get aroused for a pretty girl that I'm falling for. I kept questioning myself: "Are these feelings real? Am I really attracted to her? Will I ever be able to do this? Why isn't this easy? Why is it easy for everyone else?" I also was depressed and kept thinking about her breaking up with me even though she assured me she wasn't going anywhere. We didn't try again until this past weekend, (for logistical reasons) and I had no problems with arousal until we made it to the bedroom and the clothes came off, then...nothing, again. I was too focused on not messing up again. The GF is being wonderfully supportive, trying to make me feel calm and relaxed. I've honestly never been happier than when I'm with her, and somehow a small part of me thinks it would be easier to just be alone because then I wont be constantly worrying. It's scary, and it's the LAST thing I want.
I always just dealt with my anxiety/worry because it only affected me, and didn't really cause (or so I thought) *that* much inconvenience. Now that it's affecting someone else's life, I feel that it has become important (I know this is terrible logic).
Any tips or suggestions would be very much appreciated! Thanks!
Symptoms:
- Intrusive thoughts; to the point of almost obsessive thinking
- Overthinking new situations or interactions with new people
- Constant worrying about *something*, to the point of if I'm not worrying, I feel weird
- Lack of libido and sex drive/feeling depressed when I think about sex now
- I am able to become aroused when sex is off the table but once the clothes come off... poof, nothing
- Inability to "let go and be in the moment" during intimacy, constant overthinking
- Constant replaying of events in my head, how I could have been better, not messed up etc.
- Agitation because of worrying
- Depression caused by constant worrying and failures/inaction caused by worrying
- Tension in muscles even when I should be relaxed, which GF has noticed; shoulders always seem to be "up"