Gents
01-30-2017, 12:54 PM
Hey guys I want to make this as clear and brief as possible. Recently I've suffered from really bad anxiety, and depression, and bad panick attacks. I decided I was going to do everything in my power to over come this, I went from crying everyday, having panick attacks, constant nervousness , feeling lost, etc. to now where I wake up early morning and do everything in my power to over come this. I wake up write down my goals, work on my online courses hard, listen to motivational tapes during this time (it makes me feel better) and with doing this everything in my life is starting to be better. I only fear that this is what I have to do in order not to get depressed, that I have to obsessively work on myself in order for the darkness to stay away.
Today was my second therapy session we talked about mindfullness which I already know lots about. I felt a sense of judgement while telling what I do everyday in order to have a normal day. We dug deep into my passed which placed me back to when I had really bad anorexia when I was 11 or 12. I brought myself so far back there it started to make me feel uncomfortable she said we didn't have to talk about it but I insisted as I felt if she knew more about she would be able to help more. I felt something come over that I haven't felt in months, I started to extremely feel my depersonalization, shortness of breath, nervousness, just the most amount of anxiety. I had to tell her that I had to leave and I went out for a walk outside and eventually within an hour felt better which is big for me because they used to last a lot longer.
I went to the library after and started to listen to my motivational speakers and worked on what I needed to do, I find that unlike before this panick attack didn't steal the life inside me. I know my therapist isn't judging me but I also feel like she doesn't think its normal how I have to stay so driven in order to have an "OK" day. Ive made so much progress on my own I'm just nervous that Im going to go back and either she's going to try and focus on why I need to stay so motivated (she says I'm hard on myself) or that Im going to have another panick attack.
Is it normal to feel this sort of panick attack after bringing someone back to an eating disorder or tragic event. Im terrified to see her again now but Im also terrified that the only way to have a normal day is to wake up and put 100% into making progress in life.
Today was my second therapy session we talked about mindfullness which I already know lots about. I felt a sense of judgement while telling what I do everyday in order to have a normal day. We dug deep into my passed which placed me back to when I had really bad anorexia when I was 11 or 12. I brought myself so far back there it started to make me feel uncomfortable she said we didn't have to talk about it but I insisted as I felt if she knew more about she would be able to help more. I felt something come over that I haven't felt in months, I started to extremely feel my depersonalization, shortness of breath, nervousness, just the most amount of anxiety. I had to tell her that I had to leave and I went out for a walk outside and eventually within an hour felt better which is big for me because they used to last a lot longer.
I went to the library after and started to listen to my motivational speakers and worked on what I needed to do, I find that unlike before this panick attack didn't steal the life inside me. I know my therapist isn't judging me but I also feel like she doesn't think its normal how I have to stay so driven in order to have an "OK" day. Ive made so much progress on my own I'm just nervous that Im going to go back and either she's going to try and focus on why I need to stay so motivated (she says I'm hard on myself) or that Im going to have another panick attack.
Is it normal to feel this sort of panick attack after bringing someone back to an eating disorder or tragic event. Im terrified to see her again now but Im also terrified that the only way to have a normal day is to wake up and put 100% into making progress in life.