my sociopathic brother ruined my life

[Loan86]

the title says it all really..
i had it all, a son, a good job, family and a woman i loved dearly. But now im left with nothing..
It all started out with meeting my brothers girlfriend, he was testing her to see how faithful she was (i learned this later) he was pushing me to have a sexual relationship with her, and vice versa.. We fell in love.. And after tormenting her and then leaving her, we lost touch with him for months.. She and i became close, after both feeling like pawns in his sick game. I realise that it sounds a bit odd the way she and i started, but my brother always had a way with twisting everything around to sound like a good idea.. Anyway, he left us alone for the longest.. But then he came back because our aunt passed away. We had to work together to empty her house and fix it up for sale. Everyday he would take a jab at me verbally, snyde comments, hurtful words. No one in my family believes my side, because he has always been the golden child.. He is studying to become a lawyer and he's 4 years younger than me (Im 30). Everyday working with him became harder.. To the point i lost my temper on several occasion, and he used that against me by talking to our mother, saying im not fit to take care of my son (im a single father). After several weeks of his secret emotional harassment i snapped and attacked him.. which was exactly what he wanted.. My son was taken by the child protective services.. my mental health made me lose my girlfriend.. and now my family is shunning me.. I feel lonely, depressed and i cannot sleep at night anymore..

I apologise for my poor English, im from Norway..

[gypsylee]

I've been dealing with my sociopathic ex-husband for about 15 years (I left him when our daughter was a baby). So I know exactly how devastating these people can be :(

These days a lot of my time and energy is spent just trying to look after myself. He certainly didn't cause my anxiety or alcoholism, but he added to it (still does) unbelievably. This time last week I was in shock because my daughter was meant to come visit me and my family for two weeks, but he apparently got the dates mixed up. I found this out while waiting for her at the airport, which is about two hours from my house. This kind of thing has gone on basically since I left him. So I spent the weekend at my mother's house because I didn't feel safe being alone. This is hard for me to talk about so I can't think of any good advice right now, but you aren't alone in dealing with this type of person..

Take care,
Gypsy x

[Loan86]

I understand.. but knowing im not alone is actually comforting in a way.. did you ever question if it was your fault tho? i have days where i question my sanity.. if i overreacted to everything, since nobody seem to believe me when i say he's dangerous

[gypsylee]

God yes but over the years he's done it to others. He moved interstate a few years ago with this woman (she has her own house and this guy's a real parasite) and lasted six months before she kicked him out. My daughter was involved and when I found out he was slandering this woman for "leaving them homeless" I contacted her to say I know it wasn't her fault and thank her for looking after my daughter (which she did a lot). She and I got along well and still talk now. He was never physically violent to her but she couldn't take the emotional abuse and even called the police and had her locks changed when she threw him out.

I know your situation is different but if you keep your head down and make yourself "boring" to them they quickly find another source of drama and you start to see a pattern. My own mother gets sucked in by my ex so I know how manipulative they are.

[Jull]

If you're clean, then you have nothing to be afraid of. I believe there is karma for what he's done!
Does your brother take care of your son well?

[Loan86]

He's not taking care of him.. i would never let that happen.. his gransparents (my ex's parents) are taking care of him..
Today has not been a good day for my anxiety and depression.. are any of you taking medication for your problems? Im currently on celexa and I'm not sure if its helping or not..

[fixmybrokenmind]

Hey Loan that is some terrible stuff, especially from a family member. No father should have to deal with that. I hope everything works out for you, stay strong!

[Jull]

I've never been in such a situation like yours so I don't know how it would feel. I'm sorry.
I just can say you should focus on your job and make money, perhaps if you have money, you can take your son back.

[kbh33]

I am so sorry!

[gypsylee]

Today has not been a good day for my anxiety and depression.. are any of you taking medication for your problems? Im currently on celexa and I'm not sure if its helping or not..

Yeah and I was off everything for 3 years before he took my daughter again.

Prozac - SSRI - Doesn't do much for severe anxiety in my opinion and without the others I relapse with drinking real easy.
Mogadon - Benzodiazepine - Good for anxiety but builds a tolerance quickly.
Oxycodone - Opiate - This is meant for pain but my GP and I have an "understanding".

As I say, I'm a (mostly) recovered alcoholic and it now has a REALLY bad effect on me. My doctors know this (I see a psychiatrist and GP regularly) and that's why I get meds that aren't readily prescribed.

[PracticalGrit617]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I'm glad to hear you don't feel like you're going through this alone. I encourage you to connect with someone you trust to speak with about this situation. You never know when you may need someone to lean on. However, it may benefit you to speak with a counselor specifically regarding what you have experienced with your brother. They can help you sort through any feelings of betrayal, confustion and walk with you on your journey to healing. I know it may seem unfair to ask, but do you think you could forgive him? We can't always love people for who we want them to be, but through forgivenss, we can learn to love them despite what they have done. For instance, I've forgiven my father who sexually abused me my entire youth. The peace that replaced the anger, bitterness and rage that filled me is priceless. I don't want him to continue to rob me of present and future joy. So I choose to walk in love, even when he attempts to manipulatively make contact by sending me birthday cards using my old last name. I can't change who he is, or change the choices he makes, but I can choose not to give him power over me by giving into fear or anger. Instead I forgive and forget. It isn't easy, but it comes more naturally the more it's practiced. Again, I am sorry for what you lost, and the temptation you faced. But you can have healing. Any who knows, maybe there's hope for forgiveness with your wife?

[Loan86]

Thank you for you advice and uplifting words.. As far as forgiving him i think i need a lot more time.. This all happened very resently .. I just came out from a mental institution.. I am currently in therapy but i dont have many people to talk to.. I used to talk to my ex a lot, but she is ignoring me.. which is making this a lot harder.. Im still in love with her and probably always will be, but she seems to have forgotten about me.. I know its my fault in a lot of ways, but i thought what we had was stronger than this.. i thought she would always be here..

[PracticalGrit617]

... i thought what we had was stronger than this.. i thought she would always be here..

Is it possible that your ex might be thinking the same thing? The storm may have passed, but there is still much damage to be repaired. She probably feels betrayed and trust isn't easy to give again once it's broken. Healing will take time. In the meantime, I strongly encourage you to work on yourself. There are organizations you can attend, in addition to speaking with us here on the forum. As you stated, "this all happened very recently." Would she be open to marriage counseling?