I just don't know what to do with myself

[Huan]

Hello to everyone who reads this.

So it's winter, its dark, very cold and there isn't much to do,on the other hand exams are pressing and need to be finished (3 left), town is pretty empty and I am really out of ideas what to do, simply its depressive and bad. I am suffering of anxiety and panic attacks for 8-9 months now. It came as a surprise and made my life more miserable and different. I wasn't prepared for this and its gnawing me for a long time now. I had 2 topics posted previously, one was recently(few days ago) explaining how i thought i got better over the months ( i really did) but now some regression is happening. I am writing this cause I'm battling for 2 days now to not get another panic attack( i haven't had one for 6-7 months, a full episode of panic). I never stop thinking and fearing about this 'boom" that happened to me, I am consulting with a psychiatrist for months now and I've been using recommended sub-dose of meds. The problem with me is that I keep thinking and analyzing situations in the future, I keep trying to elevate this fear from me by observing and daydreaming about things i nearly know i will do tomorrow, the next week or so.This fears me the most, i cant find joy and purpose. I can't even finish the damn faculty right now,3 damn exams left and I was doing so well. So what happens next: I keep analyzing every aspect of my life i keep analyzing situations that happen in front of my eyes at present time and then i turn all those things upside down, i simply flip them off the table like they are already seen things and i feel bad for living them again, this happens on a daily basis, it keeps building up, i keep trying to convince myself its the other way and i end up with so much stress and fear built up that i start panicking.My body starts to react differently and i cannot control or fully prevent that-the panic attack. So my problem arent the panic attacks that follow, they are just consequence of my way of thinking, they are built up fear,they will not come when i start thinking normal and straight like I did before.But it has been so long since the first attacks happened, it just makes me more afraid that it will never go. So you see my brain is overly active, it keeps fearing me and reminding me that whenever I feel okay about something, I should not. So you guys and girls tell me how to beat this once and for all. Am I going to be hyper sensitive and unrealistic about things all my life now? Am I going to manage to turn over this situation and get my life back to normal.

Whats even more sad, I know no one will be able to answer my questions cause I'm the one that is living through this and I'm the one who can stop it. I just feel powerless to do that, after all this time I still don't know how to beat the dark side of my mind. This is where i keep bashing my head in the concrete wall all over and over again in the past 9 months and i just don't know how to stop it. :(

[janie]

Hi Huan,
You seem to have a pretty good understanding about what's going on, and what's causing your attacks. I can see you feel frustrated. You seem very intelligent, and your mind is powerful...and that is where you hold the key. I can relate to a mind that is over active (at one point I actually felt my brain was over-heating and I had to put my head under a cold shower!!) There is a lot of energy in your brain. Now, you will not feel like this forever (though at times like this it is hard to see a way out). I don't have a magic answer. I can tell you what works for me, and you can discover your own way through - there is a way. Part of my fear was focusing on 'what if...negative thought'. One thing is to stop and focus on the right here, so I would lie down, and focus on nothing but my breathing, and when my mind wandered I would refocus on breathing and keep bringing it back...slow, deep breaths...nothing else matters, just breathe. This gives your brain a rest (close your eyes too - which also switches parts of brain down). Secondly, I would tackle the 'what ifs'...what's the worst thing that could happen? now is that likely? usually not...so I would say to myself that's unlikely. What's more likely? And if the worst was to happen is that really so bad (my worst was dying, so seemed pretty bad and brought on anxieties about how my children would cope...but then I imagined them getting on without me, if I was going to die I don't have much control, so not worth worrying about, and my children would be looked after. As it is, I'm still here, and all that anxiety and panic didn't help. Finally, as a Christian I could pray. God does not give us a spirit of fear. I could cast my anxieties on Him. I could renew my mind. I could tie up the panic...ok, it would come back at different points, but I could read the bible- like philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I can't give you your own answer, but I will pray for you right now.

[PanicCured]

I just don't know what to do with myself

Read my stickies I wrote at the top. Good use of your time!

[Nicolette]

I just don't know what to do with myself

Read my stickies I wrote at the top. Good use of your time!

Your posts are rubbish.

Im-Suffering's posts are so much better than yours.

[Kirk]

As a side note Nicolette, we have been to Toronto on vacation and had a great time.

[aml0017]

Huan, I am of the opinion that we are never really "cured" of anxiety, some of us will always be prone to it biologically or psychologically. However, that doesn't mean you are doomed to suffer from this forever. The key is to learn to stop fearing the anxiety itself, and just accept the anxiety as you would any other health issue to be dealt with. Once you learn to stop believing the lies that anxiety tells you and realize that it really isn't the end of the world, the physical anxiety is much easier to deal with. I have been dealing with anxiety for 20 years now. I still have some bad days but when I look at how I feel now compared to how I was 10-15 years ago it is sooooo much better now. Back then I was a complete panicky wreck who couldn't function. Now it's more like - oh, my anxiety is bad today - but I just say "so what?" then I go on with my life. I do have some underlying issues with low self esteem that make it harder for me, I just am more sensitive to the daily stresses of life, but that's ok. Keep on going with the therapy and meds and remember anxiety sucks but it won't kill you.

[Huan]

I hope you are right aml0017, I understand what you are saying, I am emotional person and yes I'm prone to getting excited and anxious at stressful situations. But not like this,this ain't normal, to be so afraid of everything for nothing. I can remember and recognize my anxiety from before, but i would say thats the normal dose and type of anxiety that every normal person should have.That didn't bother me like this does, when the situation passed(example: exam) also the anxiety lifted. When i had to travel somewhere i also had anxiety at start, but then i would adapt and relax through he journey.Now i'm afraid of going out of my country for no reason. All I want is for this non sense and worrying since the first panic attacks to pass, this exaggerated anxiety i hold in myself to be lifted once and for all. And all i want is to hear, but not to be lied, that all that will get sorted out and will be back to normal one day soon. ( it has been 9 months now)

[thanhha89]

I hope you are right aml0017, I understand what you are saying, I am emotional person and yes I'm prone to getting excited and anxious at stressful situations. But not like this,this ain't normal, to be so afraid of everything for nothing. I can remember and recognize my anxiety from before, but i would say thats the normal dose and type of anxiety that every normal person should have.That didn't bother me like this does, when the situation passed(example: exam) also the anxiety lifted. When i had to travel somewhere i also had anxiety at start, but then i would adapt and relax through he journey.Now i'm afraid of going out of my country for no reason. All I want is for this non sense and worrying since the first panic attacks to pass, this exaggerated anxiety i hold in myself to be lifted once and for all. And all i want is to hear, but not to be lied, that all that will get sorted out and will be back to normal one day soon. ( it has been 9 months now) BÃ*i viết rất chi tiết, hy vá»�ng ná»™i dung của nó chân thá»±c vÃ* sâu sắc hÆ¡n nữa, mình kết bạn vá»›i bạn nhé.

[Kirk]

thanhha89, I like the language.