Am I being weak by not killing myself?

[Justaspekt]

Everything about life is just a chore. I hate the thought of one day dealing with financial stress on top of emotional stress. I hate that I may never be able to get to the people in the world across the ocean who care about me. I feel barely on the edge of not dying.
Should I just push myself over? Am I being weak for not killing myself when things are bad? Maybe I need to be stronger and end me.

[Fashoom]

no, you're not being weak. if you're thinking about suicide you're suffering a lot. you're hurting. weak/strong has nothing to do with any of it. it's okay to have the feelings you're having. many of us think about suicide when we're in crisis. some people who are deep in crisis go through with an attempt (successful or not). some who are deep in crisis just think about suicide. it's called "feeling suicidal".

i'm sorry you're in crisis. i hope tomorrow is better for you, at least some. is there someone you can talk to about how you feel? that can help a lot.

post again and let us know how you are doing. we are here. we know what you're going through because we go through it too.

[Malone]

In the uk we have 'the samaritans' for anyone feeling as low as you are. Contact the equivalent organisation where you are. As great as this forum might be, you need to look after yourself and get immediate help. You need help to be able to see the simple beauty in the world around you. It's right there in front and all around. Yes, there's a lot of sh1t too, but look beyond it or talk to someone to help you to. Hope you feel better soon.

[Kirk]

I believe suicide is only justified in certain situations such as if you are suffering from some incurable painful disease.
For example, my uncle had pancreatic cancer and was in a nursing home and he was really in pain and a vegetable.
They should have pulled the plug and it was a horrible sight to see and one I will never forget. Their was a man named
Jack Kevorkian who was a proponent and assisted in patient assisted suicide. He would have been the man for my uncle.
Kevorkian got a lot of publicity, both positive and negative. He passed away in 2011 and was a pathologist by trade, I believe.

[Malone]

How are you doing Justaspekt?

[Spider666]

Everything about life is just a chore. I hate the thought of one day dealing with financial stress on top of emotional stress. I hate that I may never be able to get to the people in the world across the ocean who care about me. I feel barely on the edge of not dying.
Should I just push myself over? Am I being weak for not killing myself when things are bad? Maybe I need to be stronger and end me.
Have you sought help for this? Remember that you are not the only or first one feeling like this, and many have been cured. There's help out there you just need to be strong enough to seek it. Posting on this forum is one baby step towards the help you need. You are on the right path. Keep going!

[ScreamPheonix]

You are being STRONG by not killing yourself. You may be going through a hard time, but so are many other people. You are not alone. So many families are torn apart by suicide. Please think of the extra stress that is placed on the people who are close to you. There was a time when I was also having very suicidal thoughts, but I maintained. I found strength in the love of my relatives. To me the only thing worse than suicide is the burden that would be placed on my friends (despite drifting away from them), and my family who I love dearly. I may never succeed in life, but I will fight. The stress may kill me, but that is fine because I know I will try my hardest to be there for those what matter the most.

People care about you. I wish you luck in your struggle.

[gypsylee]

^True. A girl from my daughter's school (a year below, so about 14-15yo) killed herself at the start of Feburary :( I don't even live in the area, let alone know her, but I was upset about it.

The sad truth is, you don't really know how much people care about you until you're gone (or have a bad accident or something). People take things for granted a lot, including each other. It's just human nature. I lost my younger brother nearly 3 years ago - not to suicide but to accidental drug overdose - and I would give anything to have him back.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[Jull]

Have you ever thought what if you suicided, the people who love you would be despressed and might have pessimistic thoughts??

[KitKat8]

Suicide may or may not end your pain. We don't know for certain what is on the other side. There is one thing that is guaranteed by suicide and that is the pain you'll impose on anyone who loves you or anyone. I tried for 10+ years to end my life and I can say for sure I am happy I didn't. When my friend killed himself, I got to see what it would have been like if I had done so.

[gchalliss]

Justaspekt, I hope you managed to find help with this as when I had a crisis and also felt on the edge of existence, the only thing that stopped me was talking. I was very lucky that I could move in with my parents for a couple of weeks to just "exist" and experience living rather than worry about everything that was happening to me at the time. If I hadn't, I don't think I'd be here today. When in crisis, I know that things like how friends and family would feel if you were gone don't matter because you lose all sense of worth and you can't compute that there is something greater than the pain you are feeling, well that's how I felt anyway. It wasn't until I was able to talk through my scattered thoughts and discover that I was lost and that it was OK to be lost that I started regaining the feeling of worth. I learnt from reading books on crisis that what I was going through was largely a manifestation of the "fight or flight" instinct that is something you don't even think about, it just happens. For me, I was subconsciously choosing flight and no amount of positive thinking could release me from the weight of the want to leave life behind and disappear. However, that passed (very slowly - it's a process) and I'm a better person because of that experience. I have bad days, horrendous days. But, I've learnt that it's OK to have bad days where you feel lost and it's all you can do to get yourself up and to eat a scrap of food. Why? Because moods and feelings are in transit - the bad day will pass and you'll have days that are good and you enjoy yourself.

I realise this is becoming an essay but I hope it helps you or anybody else reading this thread with similar thoughts. It shows immense strength to not commit suicide. It's one of the most debilitating and all-encumbassing experiences to feel the weight of suicidal desires and to be able to tackle that, to overcome and to enjoy even just the small moments in life, is an incredibly strong feat. So, you are not weak by not ending your life. You are strong. This crisis will pass if you talk through your thoughts with others and find help and though you will always have pressures in your life, you'll learn to accept them and see them as unfortunate bi-products of enjoying life. Stay strong and find help - not one person that cares about you will judge you for your thoughts so please talk to someone :)

[EmilyPineda36]

never!! fight...fight...and fight back some more!! thats all it takes!!!!

[iwanttobeok]

The only thing weak here is your environment for making you feel this way. You are a thinking, feeling human and you are having a normal reaction. Perhaps you are strong enough to realize that there are things worth it for you to still do :) You should find them and have fun! Think of what has ever made you happy. Like, you felt that thing that made your day brighter. What was it? Was it because it reminded you about something else? What about that? When you devote time to yourself and what make you happy, you realize you are worth feeling happy and that your well being is important. If you can't think of anything, you could just use what I always use in the meantime while you think of something (or find it!), which is making yourself something so ridiculous that you just have to at least smirk, like a funny comedian or ridiculous prank or just a silly dance, or making a comic strip about making your damn Halloween costume in June XD

[Twichard]

No you're not week my brother took his own life and the pain it caused for myself and many other people was awful you Just have to carry on and be positive that you're life Will inprove and all the thing's that make you feel so bad Will one day be sorted and life Will inprove stay strong and get help from whatever sorce you can