Do we go Crazy?

[usetobehappy]

Hello,

I am new to the site. First time in 11 years I am searching out other people with anxiety issues. I have been dealing with panic and anxiety issues for the last 11 years. I've tried everything under the sun for relief from reading every book out there, therapy with several different therapists who claim they can cure me, to medicine, and so on and so on. Unfortunately, nothing has helped. I feel I think crazy thoughts that cause me anxiety. Thoughts about my food, traveling, and just basic day to day thinking of anxiety thoughts. You can literally pick anything in my day, and I will create something in my head to be anxious about regarding that event. I feel at this point that its all uncontrollable. It's beyond overwhelming.

So my question is, after dealing with this up to this point (11 years), I feel the only step left is that I am waiting to literally go crazy. Do people go crazy from this?

My life is nothing more than complete mental pain each an every day. Now, when I say going crazy, I am not talking about hearing voices or any of that. I am simply asking that at this point in my life, I feel like these anxiety issues are wearing me down and its only a matter of time before they fully consume me and make me lose it.

Here's an example of how messed up my train of thoughts are. Last week I threw away a piece of trash into the garbage at my home. After about 10 minutes, my brain for some stupid reason decides that I need to not throw away that piece of trash. Now, mind you, it is trash, a dirty piece of paper towel. Now, all week I have been stressing about the garbage man coming to take away this piece of trash in the trash can. Garbage man is coming today and I am freaked out that he will come and take the trash and I will never be able to get this piece of paper towel back. I've gotten 2 hours of sleep because I can not quiet my mind enough about this. This is normal for me to think these random thoughts that stick with me.

I know if I grab that piece of trash out of the garbage can, it will only make things worse, but now, I get to sit in a feeling of pending DOOM, until the trash man comes and goes. I also start thinking that after the trash man comes and picks up the trash, that I will lose it and go crazy because that piece of paper towel is gone forever. This is the fun times in my head.

Logically, I know I would never want that piece of trash for anything. Nothing at all. Logically, I know it's foolish to think this way. Honestly, what in the world would I do with this piece of trash? Hang it on the wall and save it forever? No lol, but my brain wont let it go. This is on going.

This is just one example of my millions of thoughts that cause me anxiety and trust me, they are out there. Just reading this makes me feel crazy and I'm sure people on here will think I'm crazy. This is why I feel I am waiting to go crazy. This is not normal thinking and I know this. My anxiety thoughts seem to latch on to whatever they can in order to cause me to be anxious.

Please note, I know I'm and not going to go crazy over this one trash incident. That is not what I am referring to when I ask about going crazy. It, was only an example. I am referring to this type of thinking being constant for me everyday for the last 11 years and I feel like it's never going to end.

So again, has any one here heard of people going crazy from severe anxiety disorders? I know I sound crazy and at this point I feel crazy. If this is way over the top for this forum, I apologize.

Thank you for your time.

[silver lining]

nah im not a doctor or anything but I just think you are sooooo stressed and overthinking everything. I think you need to focus on changing your point of view. I know you mentioned reading every book out there. Have you read Eckhart Tolle's, "The Power of Now?". It's not a book on anxiety disorders, but rather a book on spiritual enlightenment. I know it seems unrelated but trust me, the main focus on the book is learning how to be content in your life. Its a way to train your mind into learning how to truly live in the now rather than worry about the future. I honestly think that's what your issue might be. The future is imaginary, so is the past. Let your mind realize NOW is what's important. Check it out. Good luck.

[usetobehappy]

Thank you for the Book Advice. I will look it up

[Fashoom]

I second the Eckhart Tolle recommendation, his books are profound. there's audio versions too. you might find it calming to listen to him read his ideas.

as far as your story goes, no, you are not crazy. it just sounds like you have obsessive thinking, which is extremely common w/ anxiety. it's really just a type of anxiety, like phobias.

i wouldn't give up on either therapy or medication. often it's helpful to 'try one more'. but try to find a therapist you really click with, feel like you could trust. you will have to interview a few, but that's your prerogative. with our private healthcare system, we are all supposed to be consumers, so don't buy anything you don't personally feel good about. if you feel inspired by the therapist, their particular technique is probably less important.

let us know how it goes.

[gypsylee]

Hey and welcome :)

As a sufferer of severe, debilitating anxiety for 20+ years (not including the years before I started seeing doctors about it) my answer is yes and no.. No, I've never gone technically crazy eg. Schizophrenic with delusions and hallucinations. Yes, I've pushed the boundaries of what our society considers "sane" though (and decided it's not very sane at all!)

I've been down the path of Eckhart Tolle and I agree with a lot of what he has to say. His insights about the "egoic mind" and "psychological time" are brilliant. I actually liked his other book "A New Earth" more than The Power of Now, but it's the same kind of thing. By no means have I mastered the ability to live fully in the present though - I've really only scratched the surface. I still have massive "fits" of rage and episodes of suicidal despair (brought on by a set of circumstances that would be hard on anyone let alone someone as highly strung and prone to anxiety/depression as I am).

I also lean toward "darker" stuff - not as in Satanic or anything lol - but stuff like the band TOOL and Nine Inch Nails. Lately I've been obsessed with Die Antwoord ("The Answer" in Afrikaans), a South African hip-hop band. It took me ages to get into them but then earlier this year something just clicked and I couldn't get enough.

So yeah I think anxiety keeps you on your toes basically. You can't live this "normal" (boring) existence when your own mind is always at you.

https://youtu.be/cegdR0GiJl4

[lolfeg123]

Welcome UsedtobeHappy,

I too have had a similar experience. It seems that your base stress is very high, but allow me to reassure you that you can mitigate the effects of anxiety to the point where you can live a happy life. It must be very hard for you right now since you've only had 2hrs sleep and perhaps worse if you haven't amply slept prior to this. Lack of sleep, in itself, amplifies anxiety considerably, so be aware that once you do get ample sleep - you will feel better. I guess one way you could combat your high base stress is to practise mindfulness to get your attention back to the present moment, and guided meditation can help you with this. Every day, whenever you get a chance, but particularly in instances when restless thoughts manifest - ask yourself the following senatorial questions:
What's around me?
What can I hear?
How is my body feeling? (Accept negative sensations. E.g. Head / stomach hurts)
Etc...
This brings your attention to the present, rather than aimlessly worrying about past/future. To empower this, practise mindfulness in a setting that you enjoy. E.g Driving.
Good luck

[Dahila]

yeah it is great book, I have it also on my phone to listen it ;)

[Kirk]

Welcome to the forum. Relatively new thoughts have emerged about anxiety. The concensus is to accept it and not fight it, as the more you fight it, the worse it gets.
Since medication or therapy never worked for me, I have had to "tough" it out. I practice meditation, I exercise, do deep breathing, take various supplements and have
developed an excellent relationship with my concierge physician. I am still looking into accupuncture. I tried it previously, but the person I saw was a boob, and it was
a waste of time and money. I would explore as many avenues as you can, until you find one that works for you.

[Kirk]

Sorry, I guess I did not really answer your original question. What is crazy anyway? What may be crazy to
one person, may not be to someone else. The key is I believe is not to over analyze and try to stay focused
and positive as negativity can only lead to more problems. I too have trouble being positive at times and tend
to sometimes blow things out of proportion. I am a constant work in process. Just do the best that you can.

[jessed03]

Sure, people have been known to go a little "crazy" due to anxiety. It can cause psychotic breaks, that sort of stuff. It's very rare though, and doesn't sound like it'll happen to you.

I feel silly asking because you say you've tried everything... but have you given mindfulness a real shot? It sounds like thoughts still captivate you. It sounds like you still put some level of stock into what they say. Perhaps if you can reach a point where you see every thought as a weightless bird fluttering briefly through your consciousness, your mind will quiet down somewhat.

Thoughts should be man's tool. There's a big imbalance somewhere when they become his master.

[aml0017]

Well crazy is definitely a relative term, but no you are not crazy in the normal sense of delusions/psychosis etc. There is definitely a glitch in your thought process though, same as all of us. I've never personally worried about a piece of trash but it really isn't any more irrational than any fear we have when anxious. This morning, I had a really difficult time getting out of bed, it really did feel like the world would fall apart if I moved. I know it is not real, but that doesn't make the anxiety lessen. After 20 some years though, I am still sane (pretty much). I am still trying to learn to accept the anxiety and to truly not believe the lies it tells me. I am not completely successful in doing so as of yet.

I agree with the others about mindfulness and being in the moment, not to waste energy worrying about tomorrow or what could be maybe. It's easier said than done though. It is so easy to fall into the trap of anxiety and to feel like you really are going crazy, that there is no hope.

[usetobehappy]

Thank you all very much for all the great advice. I really didn't expect anyone to reply. I will try the book that is suggested. I feel like I am at a loss at this point. I have a library full of self help book, OCD books, living in the now, and so on. I have a really bad racing mind. I have had A.D.D. since I was a child. This makes it very difficult to stay focused or even meditate. My mind is like a squirrel in a tree full of nuts. Its all over the place.

I really appreciate all the great advice and the sharing of your events.

[magicmarcus]

Hi Usedto,

yes... sometimes we do go crazy.

unfortunately i had to end up in a mental institute for a day against my will to figure out that "going crazy" didn't mean what i thought it meant all along and that sometimes we need to go out of our minds to see the truth that everyone in life is a little crazy... there are those who admit it and those who do not.

its the suppression of things that makes them worse. for example... if we just accept anxiety as what is... and not fight it... we can start to be ok.

remember anxiety is all about future and past... its impossible to be anxious when you live in the moment.

with that said... i was the kind of person who could not for the life of me shut my mind of, shut my thoughts of, and just be.

it wasn't until i actually went "crazy" that i started to realize there is nothing wrong with me... i just see things a little different and am a little more honest about my feelings than the next person...

here are some videos i made on anxiety and my story:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iv6H3P1UgwM

[magicmarcus]

it only let me include the one... but i think this one will help too :-)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmXb-8x8Wl8

[gypsylee]

Something that helped me was I met this guy a few years ago via work who was definitely schizophrenic or something and he was the most obnoxious, boring idiot that everyone hated. So when I get scared I've lost the plot I think of that guy and how my crazy is much cooler than his haha. (That is, unless I'm imagining other people, which is a whole other level and beyond the scope of this post).

[jessed03]

Marcus, I love your book collection in the second vid. The Stoics, Tibetan philosophy, psychology, and even Scientology. That's one heck of a variety.

[usetobehappy]

Thank you very much for sharing those videos Marcus. I've heard people talk before about sitting with the anxiety when it hit, but I'm just not sure how you would actually sit with it, when your world is being turned upside down. Your thoughts are so focused on whatever your brain is telling you to be anxious over. Any suggestions for me please? How do you actually sit with it when everything is telling you to run? Thank you.

[magicmarcus]

Marcus, I love your book collection in the second vid. The Stoics, Tibetan philosophy, psychology, and even Scientology. That's one heck of a variety.

lol yep... that doesnt even include the ones in the garage and the fact that i used to be a bible thumpin street preacher in my 20s lol i was definitly looking for something ;-)


Thank you very much for sharing those videos Marcus. I've heard people talk before about sitting with the anxiety when it hit, but I'm just not sure how you would actually sit with it, when your world is being turned upside down. Your thoughts are so focused on whatever your brain is telling you to be anxious over. Any suggestions for me please? How do you actually sit with it when everything is telling you to run? Thank you.

what helps me is to remember that the "mind" is what the "brain" does. so all those thoughts and worries are all just chemical impulses in the brain caused by body stuff, food, stresses, ect... its not the real YOU having very single thought... its just the mind doing its thing.

once you realize this you are free to go about your day and let the thoughts talk without picking them up or giving them meaning... ie "i should slap that cane right out from under that ole geazer" does not mean BAD MARCUS... you hate old people... terrible... it just means that based on all the millions of data being put in my brain right now in the form of sight sound touch taste feel and thoughts... that's what it came up with.

many people like to quote the "as a man thinketh so is he" bible verse... which i think is 1. wrong quoting and 2. wrong interpreting... they take it to mean that you are the sum of all your thoughts... which is untrue... is a banker now a number because all he thinks about all day is numbers? is a preacher a bible? no... not at all.

i guess the moral of the story is pay no mind to your mind... its just what your brain is doing... your thoughts are not real things... they are all made up... and did you ever think about how your mind thinks in words... and words are given to us... they are not even something we came up with... and yet here we are all day worried about thoughts and words and all this stuff... and it makes us anxious and nurotic... IF we take it seriously ;)

here is another video i did... not sure if it makes sense as it felt kinda rushed... but it talks about content of mind vs working of mind.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_6Jv-TdGqs

hope this helps :)

[usetobehappy]

Marcus. Thank you very much or responding so fast. Also, Thank you for the video. Let me ask you this.... So for almost 10 years now I have developed a serious issue with food due to my anxiety. So bad, that in 2006, I stopped eating for approximately 2 months. Probably the worse pain I have even been through, but I was deathly afraid to consume any food at all. This of course ended me up in a hospital.

Now, still to this day (10 years later), I still have some serious issues with food. Mainly the thought that runs through my head is I cant get the food out of my stomach. Racing thoughts of throwing up my food (even though I never do). Why would I want to get the food out of my stomach??? Exactly lol why? My thoughts do not go past that point. There is no end result in this thinking (Example): The food is poisoned or the food is going to hurt me. None of those thoughts comer into my head. It's just the simple thought that "I can't get the food out of me". This leads to approximately 2 hours or so of sitting with this thought and trying my hardest to do something to distract this. Now the funny part of this is, I eat extremely clean and healthy. So, logically I know the food I am eating is healthy for me and I do not want it out of my stomach. But the racing thoughts and anxiety take over and its a battle every single day. I used to eat whatever I want when I want and so on.

So my question would be is how do you "sit with it" when cooking the food makes me anxious, eating the food makes me anxious, and after eating the food makes me anxious? My thoughts seem to be soooooo strong and instantly causing me to be anxious and obviously I have created a horrible pattern. How would you break this pattern or sit with this?

I know this all probably sounds pretty stupid, it does to me, but it's what I deal with everyday. Any advice on this particular subject would be helpful. Thank you.

[magicmarcus]

Hey Again Useto,

the eating thing can be rough... i dealt with that a few times where i just didn't eat and would starve myself.

part of the problem was giving meaning to things that did not need meaning. for example if i ate somewhere and felt anxious i would think... oh it must be because i was abused as a kid thru eating... so its coming up now, i must have something wrong with me... and it would become a self destructive cycle and i would end up drinking a ton and not touching my food.

what helped me is to understand that there is nothing wrong with me...

i am here with these feelings because my mind went thru life trying to protect myself... i knew that i would be abused while eating and in the form of eating so my mind developed a way to protect myself... and now here i am 20 some years later and like pavlovs dogs in reverse... food comes and i feel sick.

but it was there to protect me... like being afraid of getting yelled at - now everything is heard as yelling... it was there to protect me but now its all out of whack and i think everyone speaking loud is yelling and gonna hurt me.

at some point i learned to thank myself for protecting me when i was young and realize now that THAT is what is going on... its a system that worked for a time but is no longer needed... and i no longer need to fight it, and i no longer need to explain it thru all those mental illness letters that our western society loves so much lol

it just is what is... and i'm gonna be ok... and so are you.

my advice would be learn to get really good at cooking and make it fun and exciting to cook... this will point your mind at a new focus and make you forget to remember that the anxiety is there in the first place.

our minds are like a lense and we get what we focus on... when a thought comes up like "i get anxious when i cook" we focus on it and start to notice everything.

like when you are a kid and you get afraid in the dark... all the sudden the floorboards sound like THX suround sound and every little bug sounds like a mini hellicopter and you freak out at every twitch of the heater thinking a bear is in your closet.

if you were engaged in a good book or movie... you wouldn't even notice... even though the same exact sounds happen then too... and in the day too... but we are not focusing.

stop focusing... let the thoughts pass, make some good food, and tell us all what you made and how it turned out :-)

ideas... baked chicken thighs (made those tonight with vinegar and red pepper) and a chocolate mouse cake... made that last week... could have eaten the whole pan lol

[gypsylee]

There's actually a basic biological reason anxiety flares up when you eat: digestion uses quite a bit of energy and your body thinks it needs that energy to run from a sabre-tooth tiger or fight a bear :)

I notice when my anxiety is bad and I'm really hypervigilant I get anxious when I eat and when I try to sleep ie. the "rest and digest" mechanism is being overrun by the "flight or fight" mechanism. It's your autonomic nervous system out of whack - like a car with the accelorator stuck down and the brakes failing. Once the parasympathetic branch of the system (rest and digest) starts to kick in more, you find it much easier to eat and sleep.

[lolfeg123]

my advice would be learn to get really good at cooking and make it fun and exciting to cook... this will point your mind at a new focus and make you forget to remember that the anxiety is there in the first place.

Great advice. I would also suggest researching info about the foods that you eat. Since you said that you eat healthy, you will find some consoling results on the web, which may make you desire food even more (as well as keeping it in ur tummy!).

Goodluck