laura1989
12-31-2016, 05:56 PM
hi everyone,
happy holidays and a happy new year's eve to you all. i'm currently away on vacation with my hubby and my cat for new year's eve, and my anxiety has been so bad these past few days that i really need to vent here. i am at a point where i truly feel as though anxiety is ruining much of the happiness in my life. for the past two months or so, i have been suffering from what i would consider pretty bad health anxiety. first it started with colon cancer, which i posted about. i'm still really wound up about that, but today, my fears switched over to breast cancer fears. i had a shower earlier and i think i felt a lump. i'm probably within 7-10 days of having my period so i know breast tenderness and lumpiness can be somewhat normal. they are definitely sore, and the area where i feel the lump is in an area where both sides seem to have a more ropey, granular sort of texture. so part of me is having an absolute freakout over breast cancer fears, and the other part of me is saying it's probably just normal PMS related breast changes! i'm a smart, rational person most of the time so i cannot understand why i experience health related fears to this degree. it's like i logically know in my mind that i'm not being rational at all, that i'm catastrophizing any symptoms i have, yet i still do it to the point of making myself sick and depressed. i'm 27 years old, i exercise 5x a week and eat a completely organic, green, plant-based diet. i take care of myself as best as i possibly can, i don't smoke or drink, but i just cannot obsessing that i will get some rare case of cancer at my young age, lose all my hair, die, and leave my hubby and my precious kitty without me :(
anyway now i'm literally sick to my stomach with worry and i don't know how i am going to enjoy the rest of my cottage getaway and new year's eve tonight. my hubby and i were going to make dinner and just relax but i cannot settle my mind. i feel like i have felt this way all throughout christmas between my colon cancer fears and now i have to deal with this. i think it's time that i see a doctor for anxiety. i plan to look into getting help in the new year once and for all. i've cried out of fear of illness but i've never actually cried out of sheer frustration that i have anxiety. i've been crying on and off today and hiding from my hubby in the bathroom during these episodes because i don't want to upset him. i hate living like this :(
happy holidays and a happy new year's eve to you all. i'm currently away on vacation with my hubby and my cat for new year's eve, and my anxiety has been so bad these past few days that i really need to vent here. i am at a point where i truly feel as though anxiety is ruining much of the happiness in my life. for the past two months or so, i have been suffering from what i would consider pretty bad health anxiety. first it started with colon cancer, which i posted about. i'm still really wound up about that, but today, my fears switched over to breast cancer fears. i had a shower earlier and i think i felt a lump. i'm probably within 7-10 days of having my period so i know breast tenderness and lumpiness can be somewhat normal. they are definitely sore, and the area where i feel the lump is in an area where both sides seem to have a more ropey, granular sort of texture. so part of me is having an absolute freakout over breast cancer fears, and the other part of me is saying it's probably just normal PMS related breast changes! i'm a smart, rational person most of the time so i cannot understand why i experience health related fears to this degree. it's like i logically know in my mind that i'm not being rational at all, that i'm catastrophizing any symptoms i have, yet i still do it to the point of making myself sick and depressed. i'm 27 years old, i exercise 5x a week and eat a completely organic, green, plant-based diet. i take care of myself as best as i possibly can, i don't smoke or drink, but i just cannot obsessing that i will get some rare case of cancer at my young age, lose all my hair, die, and leave my hubby and my precious kitty without me :(
anyway now i'm literally sick to my stomach with worry and i don't know how i am going to enjoy the rest of my cottage getaway and new year's eve tonight. my hubby and i were going to make dinner and just relax but i cannot settle my mind. i feel like i have felt this way all throughout christmas between my colon cancer fears and now i have to deal with this. i think it's time that i see a doctor for anxiety. i plan to look into getting help in the new year once and for all. i've cried out of fear of illness but i've never actually cried out of sheer frustration that i have anxiety. i've been crying on and off today and hiding from my hubby in the bathroom during these episodes because i don't want to upset him. i hate living like this :(