i honestly cannot take anymore

[laura1989]

hi everyone,

happy holidays and a happy new year's eve to you all. i'm currently away on vacation with my hubby and my cat for new year's eve, and my anxiety has been so bad these past few days that i really need to vent here. i am at a point where i truly feel as though anxiety is ruining much of the happiness in my life. for the past two months or so, i have been suffering from what i would consider pretty bad health anxiety. first it started with colon cancer, which i posted about. i'm still really wound up about that, but today, my fears switched over to breast cancer fears. i had a shower earlier and i think i felt a lump. i'm probably within 7-10 days of having my period so i know breast tenderness and lumpiness can be somewhat normal. they are definitely sore, and the area where i feel the lump is in an area where both sides seem to have a more ropey, granular sort of texture. so part of me is having an absolute freakout over breast cancer fears, and the other part of me is saying it's probably just normal PMS related breast changes! i'm a smart, rational person most of the time so i cannot understand why i experience health related fears to this degree. it's like i logically know in my mind that i'm not being rational at all, that i'm catastrophizing any symptoms i have, yet i still do it to the point of making myself sick and depressed. i'm 27 years old, i exercise 5x a week and eat a completely organic, green, plant-based diet. i take care of myself as best as i possibly can, i don't smoke or drink, but i just cannot obsessing that i will get some rare case of cancer at my young age, lose all my hair, die, and leave my hubby and my precious kitty without me :(

anyway now i'm literally sick to my stomach with worry and i don't know how i am going to enjoy the rest of my cottage getaway and new year's eve tonight. my hubby and i were going to make dinner and just relax but i cannot settle my mind. i feel like i have felt this way all throughout christmas between my colon cancer fears and now i have to deal with this. i think it's time that i see a doctor for anxiety. i plan to look into getting help in the new year once and for all. i've cried out of fear of illness but i've never actually cried out of sheer frustration that i have anxiety. i've been crying on and off today and hiding from my hubby in the bathroom during these episodes because i don't want to upset him. i hate living like this :(

[Fashoom]

i'm really sorry you're going through this, i know how distressing health anxiety is. good for you for having the level of self-awareness to step back and evaluate your anxiety disorder. i encourage you to follow up on seeing a doctor (a psychologist who does CBT would be best IMO).

it sounds like anxiety is really impacting your life. we know through neuroscience that we can change our brains and alter our thinking in a positive direction (neuroplasticity). you don't have to just suffer, you can get out of this awful place you're in.

let us know how it goes, we'll be here.

[Kirk]

I have health anxiety also, and it can be tough to deal with. Therapy or medication never worked for me, so I have had to tough it out.
However, for many people therapy and/or medication helps, so never give up trying to get better. It may help you to talk to your
physician about your concerns. I hope you feel better soon and happy new year.

[laura1989]

thank you both for your thoughtful replies. i'm glad that a forum like this exists to find support - i have a loving supportive husband but i don't think he can fully relate to anxiety because he's very positive and happy go lucky by nature. he lets me vent to him and tries
to be understanding but i don't even want to burden him with this. i'm the complete opposite, pessimistic and always thinking the worst in every situation. i think my closest friends that i vent to are also growing tired of my constant need of reassurance too. so the support here is extremely needed and helpful to me. i admit that i am very nervous about relying on medication to help my anxiety, but i am open to speaking with a psychologist or psychiatrist that can help me develop skills to deal with it more effectively. i find it's a bit strange that i go through long periods of "remission" so to speak. i had a very distressing fear of cancer in general a couple years ago, it was an awful time for me and i became very hopeless and depressed. after awhile the fears dissipated and looking back on them almost made me laugh, it seemed so silly (i know better than anyone that anxiety is not funny!). i am hoping that the same thing happens this time and i can look back on these moments as being a bit irrational. i just cant figure out how to make that happen right now - it just seems like only time helps and the anxiety goes away on its own.

[Fashoom]

yes it can be hard to get a bead on the flow of anxiety. by nature anxiety sufferers are sensitive. i think we're sensitive to much more than we realize. it's not just what's in our conscious minds but what's in our sub-conscious, what's happening to us and our bodies that we're not aware of, and what's happening in the layers of the larger environment.

as to medicine, it can be helpful. humans have used various forms of medicinal treatments for all that ails us from the very beginning. don't get ahead of yourself. find a doctor you sync with and let them evaluate you. it's just as much about trusting the healer as the treatment itself. you don't have to make any decisions alone.

take care