Jealous of people in relationships

[Kudzu2]

This falls more into the depression category but it overlaps for me. I get really envious seeing people in relationships. I’ve never been in one and I know I won’t ever be. I try not to let it bother me but it’s inescapable. A constant reminder of something I will never have. Does anyone else deal with this?

[silver lining]

trust me, married ppl are envious of you

[Zena]

I feel this way at times for sure. You're definitely not alone in feeling like that.

[gypsylee]

Hi Kudzu,

Well I've been married (and have a 15yo girl). Before and after that I was constantly in relationships. I've been single now for 2.5 years though and I wouldn't change it unless the guy was Johnny Depp or something (which is probably not going to happen). Relationships are way overrated and like silver lining says, married people are jealous of you lol. Then again, if you've never been in one I understand feeling left out. Don't give up - stranger things have happened!

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[Kudzu2]

I just don't feel I'm desirable in any way.

[fixmybrokenmind]

I am curious as to why you will never be in a relationship?? If a relationship is something you want why is it not attainable?

[Kirk]

There is an old saying which goes; their is someone for everyone. Everyone has some desirable traits or attributes and what you may
not think is desirable, someone else may disagree.

[Kudzu2]

I am curious as to why you will never be in a relationship?? If a relationship is something you want why is it not attainable?
Because I've given up on it. Not worth the time or energy anymore.

[gypsylee]

Because I've given up on it. Not worth the time or energy anymore.

https://youtu.be/pPyuZ6ZTqmo

[fixmybrokenmind]

Why have you given up on it when you still wish to be in one? You will never find one without effort.

And on another note relationships bring just as many obstacles as being lonely does. It is never a walk in the park and you will have to put in effort to both be in a relationship and find one.

May I ask how old you are?

[Kudzu2]

Why have you given up on it when you still wish to be in one? You will never find one without effort.

And on another note relationships bring just as many obstacles as being lonely does. It is never a walk in the park and you will have to put in effort to both be in a relationship and find one.

May I ask how old you are?

32. I'm average-looking at best and worst of all I'm very quiet. So I don't have a lot going for me.

[Kirk]

Being average looking at best and being very quiet is not a detriment at all, as many people are in the same boat as you.

[silver lining]

Kudzu2: You really want to know the secret in finding a relationship? "Stop looking", as soon as you cease all outward focus and switch to internal focus.. you will notice that someone will be dropped right in front of you. It's weird I know, but you can count on it to be true.

[Fashoom]

my recommendation is look for friends, not relationships. build your friendship circle. once you're friends with someone it just takes a shift in how the two of you think about your relationship to make it a romantic relationship. that can happen quickly or over a long period of time, but it happens all the time.

and i agree w/ kirk, being quiet and "average looking" aren't problems for lots of people. if you're open to meeting people and learning about who they are and what matters to them, that is all that matters.

[Kudzu2]

my recommendation is look for friends, not relationships. build your friendship circle. once you're friends with someone it just takes a shift in how the two of you think about your relationship to make it a romantic relationship. that can happen quickly or over a long period of time, but it happens all the time.

and i agree w/ kirk, being quiet and "average looking" aren't problems for lots of people. if you're open to meeting people and learning about who they are and what matters to them, that is all that matters.

I'm not very good at that either.

[Fashoom]

I'm not very good at that either.

You're doing it, right here right now. Making friends is the process of CONNECTING. Revealing something honest about yourself to another person, and being open to learning who they are, hearing what they are telling you about themselves. We all want people in our lives like that -- people who are real, who we can talk to honestly about our lives.

Take small steps. Try making an IRL mini-friend. No pressure. If you meet somebody somewhere, ask them something about themselves. What they're up to, why they're there. After listening to them, tell them something about you.

[Kudzu2]

So much easier said than done.

You're doing it, right here right now. Making friends is the process of CONNECTING. Revealing something honest about yourself to another person, and being open to learning who they are, hearing what they are telling you about themselves. We all want people in our lives like that -- people who are real, who we can talk to honestly about our lives.

Take small steps. Try making an IRL mini-friend. No pressure. If you meet somebody somewhere, ask them something about themselves. What they're up to, why they're there. After listening to them, tell them something about you.

[Kudzu2]

A friend of mine found a relationship online so I gave it a try and created a profile. After a few days there were still no hits. I deleted it.

[Malone]

Gypsylee.. I can never get enough of FotC's. Thanks for that😂🤣
Kudzu2.. you gotta get out there and get busy making a tit of yourself and get making mistakes.. you'll look back and regret it when you realise there's no secret formula. You just gotta be you but I'm guessing it would help if you started to like yourself a little bit more to realise that others can too.

Many people marry too soon or with little partner experience and never find themselves in your position of total freedom. I hope you learn to enjoy it because when you do, you'll immediately increase your chance of meeting someone.

Good luck!

[Kudzu2]

Gypsylee.. I can never get enough of FotC's. Thanks for that����
Kudzu2.. you gotta get out there and get busy making a tit of yourself and get making mistakes.. you'll look back and regret it when you realise there's no secret formula. You just gotta be you but I'm guessing it would help if you started to like yourself a little bit more to realise that others can too.

Many people marry too soon or with little partner experience and never find themselves in your position of total freedom. I hope you learn to enjoy it because when you do, you'll immediately increase your chance of meeting someone.

Good luck!
Being me is the problem. I'm not likeable. I try to change but it's not easy.

[gypsylee]

Gypsylee.. I can never get enough of FotC's. Thanks for that����

I was like "WTF are FotC's?" so I checked the link and HAHAHAHAHA!

I buried my brother with the DVDs in 2014. He was a bass player and learnt that particular song on guitar and used to sing it lol. So it's kind of meaningful to me (he got me into FoTCs) :) I will watch it again now!

[Kudzu2]

I was like "WTF are FotC's?" so I checked the link and HAHAHAHAHA!

I buried my brother with the DVDs in 2014. He was a bass player and learnt that particular song on guitar and used to sing it lol. So it's kind of meaningful to me (he got me into FoTCs) :) I will watch it again now!

You have an uncanny ability to make every thread about you.

[fixmybrokenmind]

Kudzu, have you tried speaking with a therapist about your insecurities? I feel like you are asking people for help but shutting everyone out who tries to reply to you.

We are glad to help but be eager in your wanting to help yourself.

For what reason are you not likeable, for what reason are relationships not worth trying for?

[gypsylee]

You have an uncanny ability to make every thread about you.

Yes well, maybe that has something to do with why I've been in intimate relationships my entire life (apart from the last couple of years during which I've deliberately avoided them) :)

[Kudzu2]

Kudzu, have you tried speaking with a therapist about your insecurities? I feel like you are asking people for help but shutting everyone out who tries to reply to you.

We are glad to help but be eager in your wanting to help yourself.

For what reason are you not likeable, for what reason are relationships not worth trying for?

No, I haven't really brought it up.

[Kudzu2]

Yes well, maybe that has something to do with why I've been in intimate relationships my entire life (apart from the last couple of years during which I've deliberately avoided them) :)

I just have a personality that people don't like or connect to. No, I guess I'm not asking for help. Just venting my frustration cause I have nowhere else to do so.

[Malone]

Maybe try to put the feelings of jealousy aside and focus on looking at the causes of your depression?

[gypsylee]

I just have a personality that people don't like or connect to. No, I guess I'm not asking for help. Just venting my frustration cause I have nowhere else to do so.

Do you want me to be your Life Coach? (That's a thing now lol) ;)

[Kudzu2]

Do you want me to be your Life Coach? (That's a thing now lol) ;)

I know. My dad is one.

[Malone]

Have you spoke to him about how depressed you feel?