Afraid of losing my partner/gf

[Fashoom]

I had a stroke a couple of months ago (I'm middle-aged, not old). I could have died, but I was lucky and am recovering well, although having pain and body function issues. My partner/gf and I have been together about a year. She has been very supportive, taking me to medical appointments, and let me stay w/ her for a while when I was discharged from the hospital.

But you know how when you have an anxiety disorder you can tell when others have anxiety? I can tell she has a lot of anxiety about whether I'll recover and whether I'll be the same again, and how our relationship will change. She's kind of pushing me to recover fast, wants to resume physical relationship now even though I'm not ready and what I need is support and affection.

Then she told me yesterday she applied for a job 3000 miles away! She says she has little chance of getting it (which is true) and that it was impulsive and I should't worry. But now I'm racked with fear about her leaving me and my anxiety is through the roof.

[threelittlbirds]

So glad to hear you're recovering well. The body can take awhile to heal, and it's important you give yourself time to get better. Trying to hurry along your recovery won't work and may even lead to set backs.

I think the best thing to do is to be open with your partner about how you're feeling. Health problems can be a strain on a relationship, but they can also be an opportunity to forge a stronger bond. That will happen through open dialogue. You mentioned your partner is stressed. Has she opened up to you directly about it? Given that the job is a long shot, my first thought was that it may be her way of conveying her stress without doing so directly.

I went through a similar experience recently but from the other side. My girlfriend had a major surgery. If was a scary time for both of us, and you may be surprised how stressful it was for me even though I wasn't the one getting cut open. We spent a lot of time talking about her situation, and it was helpful for her (and me) to discuss it openly. Every once and a while, she'd change the subject and ask me how I was doing. It was a small gesture but it meant a lot. It showed that even though she was going through a tough time, she still cared about what was going on in my life. Overall, the experience made our relationship stronger, and I hope it will do the same for you and your partner.

[Fashoom]

hey tlb,

thanks for the thoughtful response and for sharing your experience. it was really helpful. this forum can be wonderful...

to answer your question, no, my gf hasn't opened up about her own stress/anxiety. she claims "there is nothing for me to be anxious about." so good insight on the job app being indirect communication. she tends to communicate through symbolic actions and not through direct dialog, which can be tough.

[fixmybrokenmind]

Hey Fashoom it is good that she says you have nothing to worry about, I know it may be easier said than done but try to take her word for it. In the meantime show her how much you appreciate her support and let her know how special she is to you.

If she did get this job, would you be willing to move with her? If so then it doesn't have to mean the end of your relationship, simply a new opportunity for a fresh start

[Fashoom]

hey fmbm,

no it wouldn't be possible for me to move with her for a lot of reasons, starting with $.. but i think your advice is v good about trying to take her on her word and letting her know how special she is to me.

cheers,

fashoom