Contemplating Jumping Off The GOLDEN GATE Bridge at 50....This Christmas too.

[1Bluerose68]

I feel so lost and have Never been found by Mr Right and experienced Mr wrong who seemed like Mr right at first honeymoon phase of courtship. Anyhowe we broke up after dating for a good 8 yrs in our 20's.

Im bored with my life. All i ever do is exhaustr myself cleaning house and going to my local job as an on call status employee. I am really nobody to anyone where i work.

I cant drive further than my nose w/o a panik attack and feel so dam flustered over being so caged in because of my fear of getting lost or broke down as my car is a 1990 Japanese gas saver.

I need a new car and cant even decide on 1 and am terrified that if i invest in a nice car then I wont be able to afford to live in senior housing, or to have the money to repair the house when an emergency occurs or the deductable on a house fire or god only knows what could happen. So I have a plan-------

I just turned 50. I think I shall make a very Big Gargantuous point in showing the world how bad I feel about my life by taking an Amtrak train to SF, CA. Then I shall take the tourist shuttle to the Golden gate Bridge in SF, CA. I will climb upon the highest point which I can see nothing but lovely navy blue water and welcoming waves below me and heavenly clouds above me and say my last prayers for forgiviness to my creator above, and then I shall jump off.

I shall look just like Gilbert Grape of course once I have been in the water for awaile but then I will sink and float into a state of eternal heavenly bliss and never rise to ever deal with another day of worry, anxiety, or feelking like I hate being so poor and miserable and a lonely old and getting only older, old spinster.

I shall look up the Amtrack schedule for Christmas Eve or New Years Eve. Then I shall jump to mty death on 1 of these dates.

I shall 1st go to my bank and make sure my lil bro has my lil savings wired into his account if anything were ever to happen to me thus saving any hassel from dealing with the weasely attorney my parents used for this last will.

I would love to 1st purchase a nice new Buick Verano with beige leather interiors and navy blue or silver color paint. I would probly purchase a used 2014 because those seem very reasonable compared to the new 1's.

Then drive round and feel special for a short liuved stent b4 Attempting The Big 1.

So numb i dont even feel like crying.

My parents are both ded and i feel lonely and miserable and cant travel to fun countries because of this problem too.

Im stuck like a bad cavity and this is my Root Canal to Freedom---at last.

Amen

[Anne1221]

Oh, I hope not. I know things seem bleak by why not try to hang on a little longer and see if things can turn around next year. You do know, I'm sure, this would profoundly impact your brother. I wish you could call a suicide hot line or walk into a church and say, "Look, I need someone to help me."

[gypsylee]

Hey Bluerose,

That's because Mr Right doesn't exist. There are nice guys for sure but the knight in shining armour is a big myth we were fed all our lives. Instead of jumping off a bridge you should become a Crazy Cat Lady like me (lizards in my case). I'm only 43 but I'm pretty happy with my animals and will just be grateful when my daughter is old enough that I don't have to deal with my sociopathic ex anymore.

But seriously, Anne is right in saying it would mess up your brother's life. One of my FB friends from the States lost his sister to suicide a few years ago (she was about your age) and it's devastated him. I lost my own younger brother to drugs the same year - this Christmas it will be 3 years since I saw him.

I know how painful this life can be but stick with us..

Gypsy x

[Kirk]

It can be very difficult to find a nice relationship, especially as we age as many of us become set in our ways. My first cousin was married for 25 years when one day his wife decided
that she did not want to be married anymore and she just left. A good friend of mine was married for 10 years and his wife suddenly said the same thing. Sometimes the harder we try
to find a relationship, the harder it becomes. My first marriage lasted 3 and half years, as we split as she was screwing someone else and did not want to be married anymore. When that
happened, I was very discouraged for a while, but did not hate all women. There is an old saying that goes one bad apple does not spoil the whole bunch and this applies here I believe.
I will be married 30 years tomorrow and I can truthfully say that any marriage is difficult at times. My father (may he rest in peace) used to tell me that it better to be married as when you
are by yourself, you come home to stare at 4 walls. Maybe he was right or maybe not, depending on the marriage I guess. The key is to not give up, as anything that you consider worthwhile
in life is worth pursuing.

[Zena]

Bluerose, I know for sure there are many people who thought they found the right one and realized ultimately they did not. Happens all the time. Look at it as an opportunity to learn and grow. It's not a failure if you learn something from it. I am sorry to hear about your parents. I sincerely hope you don't go through with this plan. I know how it feels to want to completely give up. I really, really, REALLY do. However, things don't stand a chance to get better unless you give them a chance to get better. I'm sure you would be missed by your brother if you went through with this. I know this can be difficult to do, but try to focus on what you have right now and not obsess over what you may not have in the future. None of us really know for sure what's ahead, but if you hold onto hope, you'll always have something stronger than fear. Please hang in there. Your life has value. You are strong to have made it this far. Don't quit on yourself now.

[Kudzu2]

Has anyone heard from this person? I'm concerned!

[Ponder]

Has anyone heard from this person? I'm concerned!

If it makes you feel any better, this person has a history of making a dramatic entrance, then suddenly disappearing for a time; then coming back again.

Not unlike myself.

Let's hope for a safe return.

[Dahila]

yes I was wondering what is coming next, the last one was on losing the wages and scary neighbour ........... She will post for two months or so, one tread at the time and dissapear again