So... Did we all have a screwed up childhood?

[Teafrenzy]

I know for me I did. My mother was overprotective and extremely anxious herself. My father was borderline emotionally abusive. He loved to yell at me over minor things. For example, I once left a pair of matches outside that I was using to light an older barbecue. I forgot to take them in and the rain came and ruined them. Even back then matches cost 2 cents. Things like that.

Did anyone have a healthy childhood with supportive, relaxed parents and lots of friends?

[gypsylee]

Outwardly mine was great.. Beautiful area, nice school, lots of pets etc.

Behind the scenes though.. Not so great. Or more accurately I would say "under the surface" because it wasn't like my dad was a drunk who bashed my mother or anything like that.

After my brother died (accidental heroin overdose, and he was the "normal" child) my mother gave me a whole lot of stuff she'd kept from when I was a kid. Amongst it was a diary from when I was 10 and there were some quite interesting revelations in there. My dad and I went to the house of some family friends for a few days.. Mum must have stayed home with my brother who would've been 3 at the time. I wrote some stuff in the diary while I was there but not a whole lot, however my mother made up for it and filled in the pages! As in, she decided it wasn't good enough and wrote her own interpretation of what happened, to show me how to PROPERLY write a diary :rolleyes:

This makes me laugh now but yeah, "supportive and relaxed" are not adjectives I would use to describe my mother :)

[lolfeg123]

My anxiety was not an issue until I decided to reset my 'body clock' by not sleeping for 2 days. I drank caffeine to help me do this. This marriage between sleep deprivation + caffeine isn't a happy one. This was the trigger for my anxiety, which I have never seemed to fully recover from. I was, however, brought up by very strict parents who were supprortive (or tried to be) at times.

[BlessedBackyard]

I wrote some stuff in the diary while I was there but not a whole lot, however my mother made up for it and filled in the pages! As in, she decided it wasn't good enough and wrote her own interpretation of what happened, to show me how to PROPERLY write a diary :rolleyes:

This makes me laugh now but yeah, "supportive and relaxed" are not adjectives I would use to describe my mother :)

As private and personal as a diary is supposed to be, I think this would have been enough to traumatize me as a young kid.

I'm extremely thankful to have had a great childhood....supportive and relaxed for the most part. My parents divorced when I was 3, which is always difficult, but they made the best of a bad event. They lived 5 minutes apart and I saw them both almost every day. My stepdad was "Daddy 2," and when my Dad eventually remarried, I even liked my stepmom. I've always been close to my sister, and we're best friends. The one black spot is that my Dad is so reserved and emotionally closed off. We had some serious tension for a few years after I finished college because neither of us knew how to talk about the problem.

I remember being depressed for a year in middle school. I had one panic attack then, but it was an isolated event.

Much of my anxiety I can trace to physical health stuff, back to the year I was manic depressive from birth control. Then, my unhealthy lifestyle left me more susceptible to other things, like reacting to mold exposure. Pop tarts for breakfast, Reese cups for lunch, a few Debbie cakes before dinner...

[gypsylee]

As private and personal as a diary is supposed to be, I think this would have been enough to traumatize me as a young kid.

My parents tried really hard to give us a good childhood, and as I say it was outwardly pretty awesome, but there were serious problems underneath and I was a really empathic, sensitive child. Combine that with a genetic predisposition to alcoholism on both sides of the family and I was a ticking time bomb of anxiety and depression from the get go. But hey, I know of people who had it wayyy worse and at least I was supported in certain ways (and still am).

[Zena]

My childhood was not exactly rainbows and roses. My mother would get much angrier at me than necessary and go overboard with disciplining me. She downright scared the crap out of me at times. I was also bullied at school. My father could have done more to encourage me and to protect me. I could have really used more emotional support. I spent a great deal of time alone, feeling sad and unwanted. Never had many friends. There are a few nice memories but the shitty ones are pretty freaking shitty. Yep.

[gypsylee]

Yeah my dad has an upper-class British background.. Boarding school from the age of 8 etc. So he's always hated conflict, while my mother thrives on it.. :eek:

[aml0017]

My childhood was perfectly normal, middle class, no sordid stuff. But it also was not an emotionally healthy environment once I reached about 13 or so. My mom has serious narcissistic tendencies, and once my siblings and I reached an age where we had ideas and minds of our own she couldn't handle it. She'd criticize and put us down for anything we did that wasn't what she wanted. Blowing up over the tiniest things then acting as if nothing happened, and making you feel stupid if you had any "feelings" about it or dared cry. I could go on, but if you have any experience with narcissistic people you'll know what I'm talking about. Constantly walking on eggshells, and internalized emotions and internalizing that criticism definitely contributed to my low self worth and anxiety.

[metal4life]

Hi frenzy!!

Nope, my father did anything with me i only could play videogames with him but it wasnt cool bc we didnt play together, he just needed me to pass that when he
couldnt complete it (i was better than him) and if i did something wrong he slaped me. Not many friends, everyone ignored me and some bullied me and when i had a friend it was
just bc none of his friends were arround. He also yelled at me for minor things as well and insulted me so... my mum was the best and always helped me out but it wasnt easy...

[silver lining]

nah, my childhood was mostly awesome

[Dahila]

mine was spend in hospitals neglected by nurses, I felt that my family does not want me with the sickness. Then I had awful traumatic experience which did influence my life and my choices. It was bad, it made me the way I am and I feel I am very compassionate and good human being, The only thing that kills me here is the whining
However people in this tread are awesome. Did anyone say thank you to you today?
I say thank you guys and ladies for being you :))

[Gemma89]

I grew up living with my parents in the same house, but for practically my whole life they have been separated as my dad refused to leave and my mum had nowhere to go. I could sense the tension and how unhappy my mother was, there were a lot of occasions where she had breakdowns. I remember her attacking the kitchen door with a knife leaving holes in it due to the stress she was put under. My dad obviously has problems but has always refused to admit to them, he can be very emotionally abusive and make you feel like you're going crazy as he will never admit he is in the wrong with anything he does.

I have a lot of great memories also from my childhood, honestly I wish I could go back. But I'm sure living my whole life in those conditions is a big factor in my illness

[gypsylee]

I grew up living with my parents in the same house, but for practically my whole life they have been separated as my dad refused to leave and my mum had nowhere to go. I could sense the tension and how unhappy my mother was, there were a lot of occasions where she had breakdowns. I remember her attacking the kitchen door with a knife leaving holes in it due to the stress she was put under. My dad obviously has problems but has always refused to admit to them, he can be very emotionally abusive and make you feel like you're going crazy as he will never admit he is in the wrong with anything he does.


That scenario with your parents is exactly why I left my husband (he wouldn't leave). The emotional abuse has continued bigtime but at least I got out. My daughter is now 15 and I like to think I've broken the cycle a bit.

So thank you for sharing that. It's a very common situation unfortunately. I personally know two women whose exes have been locked up for domestic violence in the last couple of years (and my circle of friends is pretty small). My psychiatrist also told me he has a policeman client on stress leave for the sheer amount of domestic violence they have to attend to.

[Ponder]

The following is from my own experience and not meant to imply anything of other forum members. (although it ended up generalizing which is AOK with me) It's also advice I need to take on board for myself and something I aspire to in order in order that I may move on. Working this one out helps it so that we need not break relations; both family and acquaintances. The latter is why I think more people spend time on thier phones as opposed to connecting when offline.

Holding onto the past through blaming others is something that's thrown in my face a LOT. It's also an act that is entirely our own choice. That is to say that when we react with such negative emotions, that in itself is a form of abuse. More often than not, we do that to ourselves despite dragging up the past and blaming others. Because the later is so easy, we not only stop others from healing, but also hold ourselves back. It's a feeding frenzy.

The way the society is these days, you don't have to gauge your childhood against another in order to claim that one is not as predisposition as another because the fact is, the well adjusted are more prone to justification - full stop.

No offense gypsy, but the police are actually part of the problem as much as anyone else. I know plenty of people on disability from police brutality. In fact - brutes make excellent police for their main purpose of service in this chaotic world.

There comes a time that we need to take responsibility for ourselves and move on. If the situation is that bad where people can no longer live with each other, it only takes one to move on. Both my wife and I were brutalized when attempting to see our daughter on the scene of an attempted suicide. Simply because of the "stories" that were told. Lies and more Lies that lead to brutal treatment due to absolute authority. Society's Authority. It is more absolute than the people it serves. So much so that you will be cut to pieces in a court of law ten fold if you dare to stand against the Law and those those services that enforce it.

None the less - I'm not intending to drag that up like "Oh poor me I was beaten and emotionally abused" by the Law, Society, Mummy & Daddy. It is what it is. My reaction today is entirely my own responsibility - regardless of what I propose about society. in this regard ... I am see very much where Dahila's frustration comes with all the whining of kids blaming their past, their fathers and their mums.
__________________________________________________

We have all been abused - but continually labeling others for things long past is a form of self harm. So whilst I agree there is a huge amount of whining in here - it is what it is and those will do as they do. For me, I refuse to accept the projections of others and will remind myself of just how much they are hurting themselves when crying like so.

Matters little what kind of past you had because if your an ass hole now, claiming a good education with a bright and shiny upbringing matters little. Like I previously eluded, those are the one's in more need of help. They make the worst abusers ... most people who think they have power usually do. Currently the cancer of our community thrives on sickness. The only power such authority has, is that which we give them. We should be more careful how we react.

You've all heard of a "Fear Based System" → Classic abuser scenario. It's embedded in religion, the health system, and our education ... la la la ... so it matters little what kind of past we have had ... The system is corrupt and it loves it when all we can do is blame ourselves as well as others ... imo ... what really counts ... is how we choose to react. What we choose to say, think and do. Main stream is not where it's out. Clinical scenarios are built to keep us distracted ... but that's entirely another topic that plays into that restricted thinking brought up in that other discussion we just had with Jesse - re LSD. lmfoa @ that connection.

Learn to step out of the ring without having to run ... in most cases it's easier to work with what is ... just takes a lot of time and patients. Something that's been conditioned out of us.

[magicmarcus]

i think the reason that so many who suffer with anxiety also have childhood issues is due to the way the brain develops.

i look at it as if all our lives our brains have been looking out for our self interest/survival and so it set up certain things to be anxious about.

- watch out when someones face looks like this
- watch out for people who sound like that

and so on and so forth... and we build up these things and now they have gotten out of whack... but there there to protect us... and we try to fight them but it doesn't work.

what helps me is not to look for reasons why i have anxiety but rather thank if for helping me in my childhood and realize that i no longer need it to protect me :-)

so in answer... yes i have childhood issues but i no longer let them define me and i no longer look for explanations of my anxiety in them... this helps me a lot because when i dont have to fight the anxiety... it kinda just sits there and gets bored and goes away... and it used to be crippling, mind numbing, dont leave the house anxiety. now i can cope a lot better.

[Gemma89]

That scenario with your parents is exactly why I left my husband (he wouldn't leave). The emotional abuse has continued bigtime but at least I got out. My daughter is now 15 and I like to think I've broken the cycle a bit.

So thank you for sharing that. It's a very common situation unfortunately. I personally know two women whose exes have been locked up for domestic violence in the last couple of years (and my circle of friends is pretty small). My psychiatrist also told me he has a policeman client on stress leave for the sheer amount of domestic violence they have to attend to.

That's so great though that you managed to get out, definitely that will break the cycle and be better for your daughter to not live in that environment. I wish my mum had managed the same.

I'm still living in that situation believe it or not, my dad went into a complete rage because I asked him for some whiskey. It can take anything to set him off. It's beyond depressing on top of everything that I'll be 27 in a matter of days and have nothing and nowhere to go, just my own messed up mind to live in :'(

[Gemma89]

i think the reason that so many who suffer with anxiety also have childhood issues is due to the way the brain develops.

i look at it as if all our lives our brains have been looking out for our self interest/survival and so it set up certain things to be anxious about.

- watch out when someones face looks like this
- watch out for people who sound like that

and so on and so forth... and we build up these things and now they have gotten out of whack... but there there to protect us... and we try to fight them but it doesn't work.

what helps me is not to look for reasons why i have anxiety but rather thank if for helping me in my childhood and realize that i no longer need it to protect me :-)

so in answer... yes i have childhood issues but i no longer let them define me and i no longer look for explanations of my anxiety in them... this helps me a lot because when i dont have to fight the anxiety... it kinda just sits there and gets bored and goes away... and it used to be crippling, mind numbing, dont leave the house anxiety. now i can cope a lot better.

Hi, your explanation of it really speaks to me, that's exactly how I've felt a lot in my life. Glad you're managing to move forward now

[gypsylee]

i think the reason that so many who suffer with anxiety also have childhood issues is due to the way the brain develops.

i look at it as if all our lives our brains have been looking out for our self interest/survival and so it set up certain things to be anxious about.

- watch out when someones face looks like this
- watch out for people who sound like that

and so on and so forth... and we build up these things and now they have gotten out of whack... but there there to protect us... and we try to fight them but it doesn't work.

what helps me is not to look for reasons why i have anxiety but rather thank if for helping me in my childhood and realize that i no longer need it to protect me :-)

so in answer... yes i have childhood issues but i no longer let them define me and i no longer look for explanations of my anxiety in them... this helps me a lot because when i dont have to fight the anxiety... it kinda just sits there and gets bored and goes away... and it used to be crippling, mind numbing, dont leave the house anxiety. now i can cope a lot better.

Interesting you use those examples of body language and tone of voice because my mother has some problem where she can't moderate her's and she can look and sound REALLY nasty. It's not her intention though and her behaviour has always been mostly kind and considerate. So I was never sure what was going on with her at all.

Some very wise words there :)

[fixmybrokenmind]

I never felt as though I did although I did grow up without a dad which bothers me now more than ever. My mother provided me with a loving home and a great childhood but she did suffer with anxiety and depression herself so I'm sure I got a lot of that myself

[Dahila]

I never felt as though I did although I did grow up without a dad which bothers me now more than ever. My mother provided me with a loving home and a great childhood but she did suffer with anxiety and depression herself so I'm sure I got a lot of that myself
Thanks for the link to your blog , it looks so cool , so I want to share it;)
http://fixmybrokenmind.com/

[fixmybrokenmind]

Thank you so much!

[aml0017]

I really like magicmarcus's post, I do think that though there may be a genetic biological predisposition, a lot of my anxiety is a learned behavior. Years of guarding myself from the world and protecting my fragile emotions. Now that the old situation is gone, my body still carried on in that protective mode. Even when I feel good my anxiety lies in wait with a hair trigger primed by years of conditioning and being pumped with stress hormones and adrenaline.