Avoidance Behaviors

[HamSand44]

So I've noticed over my recovery of anxiety that I begin to avoid certain things or places, specifically my room. Now to give a brief backstory, I have shared a bedroom with my older brother for my entire life. We've grown up side by side to each other which led many of his hobbies to become my hobbies and pretty much define who I am today. This September, he went off to college. Now, his university is only a half an hour away and he comes home every weekend, but I'm still affected by his absence. It's affected me so much to the point where I don't even want to go into my room anymore, and when I do, I start getting anxiety or get emotional. My bedroom is where I have most of my anxiety attacks, but this is also where I keep my computer and drum pads. I've started to gain less interest in my hobbies like drumming or playing video games, even if doing them makes me a little happier. This has also affected my sleep too, which is a major problem.

Is there a way I can somehow recover from this? I think if I can figure out this issue, it might lead me on the road to recovery.

[gypsylee]

I'm the opposite and my bedroom is my favourite place. I often avoid my lounge room because I just don't like the "vibe" in there for some reason. I don't really have any advice because I'm pretty bad with avoidance behaviours myself.

[BlessedBackyard]

I've woken up with too many panic attacks, so my bedroom makes me anxious. I often sleep on the couch, which has always been my "safe" place. So, yeah, I'm pretty bad with avoidance, too. Have you considered talking it out with someone? A counselor or trusted family member? For me, having a sounding board for my thoughts can often help me move past them.

Do you have any hobbies or interests that aren't so closely tied to your brother? I followed in the footsteps of my older sister with many things, and it helped when I moved toward making my own way/identity instead of so closely following her's. Perhaps try something new or repaint/redecorate the bedroom.

[aml0017]

I am so bad with avoidance behavior, and I am 35 years old. It is very easy to give in to the reflex to just stay away from what is making us anxious. Just recently, i bought a new car, which is a good thing right? It was due to being in a wreck and I was having a lot of anxiety in general and about the car itself (the money/sounds the car made etc, some rational some not) so I found myself trying to drive it as little as possible. Sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud but there it is. Doesn't help any either.

The thing about avoidance coping is you really aren't avoiding anything at all. I mean, you are staying away from your room because it reminds you your brother is gone but you are still anxious and thinking about it. It's just now you have developed a bedroom=anxiety response. You are priming yourself to be anxious before you even step into your bedroom, it becomes a vicious cycle. Truthfully, there is no real difference between the bedroom and any other room in the house. No good can come from you just sitting in your bedroom freaking out, but you should be able to have a place to go to relax, enjoy your hobbies, sleep at the least. During the day when you are home, go in your bedroom with a purpose to play your drums or whatever. The key is to be in your room but to distract your mind with something so you will forget for a while that you are supposed to be freaking out. Tell yourself if you start to feel too anxious, you can leave the room and come back later. Don't go to bed until you are nice and tired already so you don't just lie in bed with your mind racing.

The room is not the issue, your mind is the issue. Your anxiety was triggered obviously by your brother leaving for college. What about his leaving so upsets you? Is it just that you miss him, or is it being alone, or do you think your relationship with him has changed because he is gone? Talk to your parents and your brother about how you are feeling if you haven't already done so. Sometimes just getting it off your chest is enough to help you get past it. You will get through this!

[The Intolerable Kid]

I had that problem once, years ago. My solution was to sleep on my living room couch for a little over a year. For some reason I just felt better sleeping there as opposed to sleeping in my bedroom. You should do what feels right and helps you get sleep. Perhaps some of your hobby equipment could be temporarily relocated to a basement or spare room? In time, you'll adjust to your brother's absence. Good luck.