Family Problems Suicidal Thoughts at Points in life

[AndrewIsCool]

Yes I am 12. I will try to use the best grammar possible. I am a gamer. Not a no life. But I play A lot. A Game Called Left for Dead 2 and Minecraft. 2 games I got for christmas on my PC many more but I rarely ever play them. So Now Its Just Minecraft. We are focusing on that for my gaming life. My Mom and I have a close relationship and I got my anxiety from her. Now fights etc Weren't as bad as they are now. I cry more often. And My grandma came to visit... yep Discipline. But I never needed it. So my family says I cry for no reason
But I do! Etc. You play too much! "But Its not as bad as the no lives!" "Shut up!" the shut up is from my dad. He's a dick but. I can't really say much since he gave me so much depression I think its a good idea not to say his name. He doesn't deserve it . Now with a kid. Like me. There's school. another add-on to more stress. Well well me. Me me me. Its always my fault. Im bad at math. Plus Im good at school. average I guess. But the teachers point out the dumbest fucking reasons EVER. And Now I have so much stuff to do because i broke my finger. From Going after to school EVERYDAY. Skipping my ZONE Class *study Hall* AND MY LEGO Robotics! To me. I feel like Il do good in life but... To be honest my family dosn't care. Theres more to the story then it sounds. Maybe Im just a whiny cunt as my dad says. Maybe I am stupid. Maybe I am fat. But I think im overweight. I do weigh 178 pnds 5 foot 1 12 year old male. thats not good. Whats the point in living if I can't even like myself. I like myself. No one likes me. Only friends and family. if only the world was more simple. If only we weren't machines. But I guess. I just want to die. I want to die. I just... I need help. Please.... :(

[BlessedBackyard]

Welcome to the forum. I remember being that age...12-13 were the worst years of my life, emotionally and mentally, but it does get better. Is there a school counselor or favorite teacher you can talk to? Getting healthier can help so much, physically and mentally, and there is great advice around here about consuming less sugar, caffeine, and processed foods, adding more physical movement, etc. If you stay inside gaming a lot, you could also be low in Vitamin D.

I wish there was a magic wand for your family. Adults have a bad habit of letting stress and work get the better of them, causing them to lose sight of priorities (like making sure their kids know they love them). Please don't take it to heart when they say you're stupid or toss around other insults. It's their pain coming through. There's a saying that "Hurt people hurt people" -- those in pain are more likely to hurt others, whether they mean to or not. Set your own goals and work at reaching them, regardless of what others say. You can make it through this.

My brother has been a gamer all of his life, and I worried about him for awhile. It seemed he had no social life, no interest in meeting new people, no interest in going out anywhere. But now I watch him talking online with his friends from around the world. He's never met them, but they've bonded over their games and now talk about a variety of things. He's learned to design graphics and could create his own game if he wanted. My point is, can you use the games as more than just games? Can they introduce you to new people (even if you never meet face-to-face) or teach a new skill? It probably won't get your parents off your back, but it might help with your own confidence level.

[Kirk]

Welcome to the forum. Parents should not be calling their kids names as it does much more
harm than good. I was physiclally and mentally abused as a child by my mother and I am sure
that helped cause some of the issues I have today. I was a short and skinny kid and was picked
on by other kids which did not help matters any. I hope you feel better soon.

[Ponder]

Hey there Andrew. You certainly sound like a cool kid to me!

I'm just heading out the door and whilst it was PM that caught my ear; so did you. I can't stay but will check back in to see of your still about.

Best I can offer for now, is to let you know your not alone. In fact you remind me of my youngest son who was having a tough time at school ... all alone. He was also picked on quite a lot. But one day he learned how to defend himself and then things started to change. This was not just in the form of learning how to take and give back - he had to learn how to accept himself. Once he grasped the understanding in that - he really began to kick ass and make a couple of friends. Not many friends ... but good ones that count ... the kind you keep in touch with when school ends.

I hear your fucking pain bro! It fucking sucks - Big Time.

You hang in there. You sound pretty smart to me. You'll also get plenty of support in here as well.

You are most welcome to PM me. I'm also happy to touch base in this here thread.

[Ponder]

How's life this morning Andrew? Perhaps you can start a walking program to help with your weight? Off set all the bad food choices or what ever it is that hits your plate. Fact is - no matter how much we look to blame others, there is always plenty we can still do for ourselves. I recommend seeing as you have mentioned weight being an issue, that you start doing what you can to tackle that problem. Doing something as apposed to nothing will help to take your mind off all the negative shit. You might even find that life is worth living once you begin your own routine. The best thing about creating your own routine, is the felling of self control that comes with doing something yourself. It's a feeling of freedom and it feels really good ... especially for those of us that often feel trapped.

It matters little in the beginning if you don't lose weight ... Mostly because you will still feel great about doing something rather than nothing. It's an instant reward that does not require reaching some kind of goal. I know a lot about these kind of copping strategies because it's what I did when I was a kid (and still do to this day - I've been doing it for 47+ years) and just like you ... feeling alone and unloved in a world of hurt. MOVING and DOING things within our own control is the ticket to finding the good within no matter how bad things get. Mum once flogged me with a belt buckle ... the irony was that whilst the school investigated that, the teacher the used to grab the back of my hair and bounce my head off school desk, got away with it and continued to do it for some time. I never had a uniform like the others thus stuck out like a sore thumb. Mum later got rid of us kids ... her and the new step dad with the churches help got rid of us kids into a home where we were abused a lot more. My brother was younger than you are now and I was like only a year older.

Yep siree ... dwelling on all the shit is not going to help ya ... not at all. You got to find something you like doing - something that does not require batteries, a power socket or anyone else's permission. Hmmm - well you might need who ever's in charge of your keeping to allow you to go for a walk of whatever it is that you want to start doing. The key is to find something to do that's going to take your mind off all the shit your going through. I never had the internet back then which is probably just as well ... because to analyze things like such when really I should just be ... being a kid ... would just as much fuck me up at any rate.

Learn to create your own little positive experiences ... no matter how fleeting they be. Just let the adults to their thing. Fact is ... no matter what's going on ... it's your choice whether you do anything of not. Doing something will help as opposed to not. Do the things you like to do and if you can't find anything ... then go look for something until you do.

You said you got weight issues ... then start walking and whilst our walking I guarantee you that if you do it regularly and long enough ... you will come up with ideas that don't rely on others so much in order for you to find more positive experiences.

That my little friend ... is the power within ... we all have it no matter how old and or how tough we think life is. You don't need a J-O-B ... you don't have to have popular friends, you don't need any of that BS the adults, schools and authorities preach ... all you need to realize is that you have everything you need already inside you to make yourself content. All that other shit is Greed ... everyone wants and they want more.

Just get a ball and go for a kick ... go for a swim ... find a new challenge ... practice whatever. Find something you like and become good at it. Forget about all that other shit.

[Ponder]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qs35t2xFqdU

[gypsylee]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qs35t2xFqdU

Yeah dude :cool: