Hello, help if you can

[zeromisfit999]

Well I was diagnosed with anxiety about two years ago. I am 20 years old, soon to be 21. I am also a smoker of about 4-5 years. I am unemployed, which gives me much time to contemplate things, and increases my anxiety of course. I am on xanax. I was prescribed .5 mg's one in the morning, and one before bed by my doctor. Since about a month or two ago, My anxiety started worsening. Panic attacks increased, had my first encounter with Vertigo, and overall my physical anxiety has gotten a lot worse. I now take about 1.5 mg's a day of Xanax, one when i wake up, one halfway through the day, and one right before bed when I'm jittery. The worst symptoms I have are a constant acknowledgment to what my heart is doing, and at times not trouble breathing, but feeling like my lungs quite simply aren't working. I've gotten the contricted throat feeling, but its moreso I just simply feel like my lungs aren't accepting air. When this happens, I usually turn a fan on, and stand infront of it and breathe, just to prove to myself I can breathe. These panic attacks usually only last a minute or two, sometimes 5 minutes at the absolute most, but they have been happening more and more frequently. Before my anxiety worsened, I wasn't having too much trouble with it, physical wise. The medication was working, I was only taking it when I felt it was necessary, I truly felt like I was getting better. This sudden spike in physical anxiety is beginning to worry me though. I'm the typical "tough guy" that doesn't want to admit anything is wrong ever, and whenever this happens when I am in public, or with friends I tend to just act like nothing is wrong. I have a tendency to stand infront of a mirror when this is happening, or something of that nature, just to feel better. Rather then taking showers, I've been taking baths two or 3 times a day, and it seems to be helping a bit. But I've never really had social anxiety, but I've noticed I've been getting more and more nervous about going out into public. Like right before I am about to go to a party, or out with friends, I find myself with diarrhea, feelings of nervousness, shakiness, even when taking my medication. I truly don't know what to do, I'm slowly convincing myself that the pill is just a placebo, and that it's not really doing anything. I was on the pinkish xanax, but I convinced myself they aren't working, and now have been taking my fathers one milligram blue ones, but cutting them in half. I know it's the same doseage, but I am convinced they work better for whatever reason. I am seriously at a loss for what to do. I don't really believe in Psychologists. But I am truly at a loss for what to do. I've stopped drinking caffeine in high quanity, excluding my 2 cups of coffee in the morning. I was a red bull junkie for a wall. I've stopped consuming alcohol as of sunday. I don't know what else to do really. I am constantly trying to convince myself that something is seriously wrong with me. Despite, reading people with similar symptoms, t hat have gotten numerous tests for things like that. Whenever I get a headache, or anything is wrong with me, and kind of pain, I am convinced something is seriously wrong with me. Fear of death, and things of that nature have consumed me. I hate myself right now. I constantly feel like, excuse my language, "what the fuck did I do to deserve this?" I know anxiety can be hereditary, and both my parents have it, but what more can I do to stop the physical symptoms? I can handle most of the mental symptoms, as Ive grown accustomed to them, but I really don't know what to do. Sorry for such a long post, this is my first post on the forums, and I truly hope that someone will take them time to attempt advice to me. Thank you, to whoever reads this.

[idreamofskiba]

I've been taking a lot of baths lately as well. It does seem to help, but I think it's starting to dry out my skin. I'm trying to eat healthier, and have cut out caffeine (this is just starting today, though) I'm totally convinced something is horribly wrong with me...I'm a hypochondriac, but even knowing that I am, I just keep having weird symptoms (which all are part of anxiety, but I can't convince myself that's all it is.) I think I may even be ready to completely give up smoking.

Sorry I'm not of much help. I don't have any advise, really, but I do share your pain.

[Carla]

Hello
I am sorry you are feeling the way that you do. Many of us on this forum will be able to relate to what you are saying. You are not alone. Was there any one thing that triggered your anxiety. For me anyway, there wasnt anything I cld think of. Like a lot of people on here too, I have been to hell and back several times over with anxiety. It is awful. Like you I have asked plenty of times what did I do to deserve this. I dont take medication but I can understand why people do, however I know that medications can sometimes make anxiety worse. A few months ago I tried Valium and it really made me ill. I came off it and things improved. I still had the anxiety but I could see how the valium made me feel much worse. However for some people it works. Maybe Xanax is not for you. Could you go back to your doctor and ask to try some other medication. If you feel increasingly anxious then it isnt suiting you. I know that medication can take up to 6 weeks before the benefits are felt and in that time it can make anxiety/depression worse before it kicks in. How I dealt with my anxiety is that I researched everything there is on anxiety and still do. It helped me to understand what was happening to me and how to deal with it in the best way.I now have a pure unprocessed anti anxiety diet. I dont touch alcohol or cigarettes. If I drink alcohol my anxiety spirals and really affects me the following day.I take all the anti anxiety vitamins there are. It has helped me massively. I dont touch caffeine or tea. I can now tell the effects of changing my diet and taking natural supplements. I deal with the anxiety by not letting it scare me and by accepting it and letting it wash over me like it does at times and then letting it ebb away again too. I dont fight it. I was so ill with anxiety I lost so much weight and couldnt eat and vomited several times every day for ages. I cldnt work due to it. It was a nightmare. I agree that if you are not working that there is a lot of time to contemplate how you feel and that can make things worse to an extent. I now work from home and go to college part time. I find it really helps to keep occupied, be it reading, exercising, doing anything to distract your mind off anxiety for a while, to give it a rest. The only way I am getting back to how I used to be before I suffered with anxiety is basically through diet, exercise, relaxation, and by changing my attitude to anxiety. I found chatting to others about anxiety who suffered with it too has really helped. I tell the closest people to me about how I feel and it seems that once I bring out into the open about how I am feeling then it seems to really help and lessens the anxious feelings. Forums like this one really help massively, as mostly everyone is going through the same experiences and can share their problems and be of help to others. I had CBT and started it again and it really does help.You said you wouldnt consider therapy. If you dont try it then you are not allowing yourself the chance to be helped, however I appreciate that you feel it is not for you. Things will improve for you. I know that sometimes it may feel like they wont but they do even though it is a very slow process it can seem at times. 6 months ago I cld barely move or talk for how ill I was and now I am 100 x better and that is without prescribed medication. I still get attacks of social anxiety and I am trying to figure out a way to get rid of that. Keep posting. There are a lot of people on here who can offer you a lot of good advice who have helped me too. All the best.