In some ways, I'm thankful for anxiety

[BlessedBackyard]

I'm sitting in the quiet of my home after hosting 8 people for my niece's 4th birthday party. I'd been nervous about this party, as it's the most people I've had in my home in over a year. But it went off smoothly, and the anxiety was nowhere to be seen. So happy about that! It was a big step for me, and it feels like there's hope.

If I had hosted this party a few years ago, I would've been frazzled. Rushing, rushing, rushing until the last moment. Spending the whole party thinking about what I was going to do that evening. Glad to have family over, but at the same time, counting the minutes until they left so I could move on to the next "big thing." Allowing busyness to control my life and taking so much for granted.

Staying home alone for too long with anxiety has changed my perspective. Today, I got to socialize with family that I don't see nearly often enough. But more than that, I appreciated each moment that the anxiety stayed away. TeaFrenzy said in his thread, that it's practically a euphoric feeling when you have a great day, and I agree. It wasn't any different of a day than what I had pre-anxiety, but I see it differently now. I'm more focused on the here and now instead of what event comes next. I listen and laugh and take my time. I couldn't rush my preparations, because I knew that would trigger the anxiety, and it's amazing how much more enjoyable things are when I'm not rushed. I've come to terms with the anxiety, sloshing through the lows and being thankful for the highs. I see the cycle of my symptoms and know the anxious times don't last forever. But instead of chasing that elusive "100% happy all the time" like I used to, I watch for the non-anxious times and enjoy them all the more.

[sarsaparilla]

It's great you have an appreciation for the anxiety-free times. Here's hoping for even more :) Was the social time also helpful to alleviate anxiety?

As far as gratitude goes... I understand the importance of regulating emotions and working on recovery, but one thing is for sure about having anxiety: my life is never boring hahaha
I've also met great people on this journey and I even have a good friend I met through hospitalization. Next time I have a panic attack, I won't be happy I said these things lol. But when it's dark you look for stars...

[gypsylee]

I know exactly what you mean and that's awesome the party went well :)

Anxiety disorder definitely puts a different spin on life. I've thought about this a lot and I think people who suffer anxiety/panic have felt more primal emotions as compared with "normal" people. I know people who are bored if they aren't planning their next big holiday or getting married or something.. I'm pretty happy if I'm not gripped with fear or so depressed I can't get out of bed lol.

As Pink says in one of her songs - "The darker the night is, the lighter the moon glows" :)

[Kirk]

Glad to hear you had a good time at the party.

[BlessedBackyard]

I
Next time I have a panic attack, I won't be happy I said these things lol. But when it's dark you look for stars...
So true. It's hard to remember the positive when I'm in the grips of a panic attack. At least those stars help me stay content and less depressed once the panic subsides.



Anxiety disorder definitely puts a different spin on life. I've thought about this a lot and I think people who suffer anxiety/panic have felt more primal emotions as compared with "normal" people. I know people who are bored if they aren't planning their next big holiday or getting married or something.. I'm pretty happy if I'm not gripped with fear or so depressed I can't get out of bed lol.

As Pink says in one of her songs - "The darker the night is, the lighter the moon glows" :)

Very well said, gypsy!

[fixmybrokenmind]

I totally agree more. Two years ago I was dealing with both anxiety and depresssion, I was in a seriously dark place. Now that thinks are the closest they have ever been to normal I have an enormous appreciation for the basic days. I don't need a fancy toy or anything extremely outside the box to be happy I appreciate each day as they come.

It also takes a lot more than most people to rattle me. I see people complaining about a common cold and laugh inside my head thinking "if you only knew what some people go through"