Gents
11-21-2016, 06:34 PM
Hey Guys, I am completely new to this kind of thing. I want to start off by telling you about myself. I am 24 and have been suffering from depersonalization (panic attacks) since I was a very young boy. Also for as long as I remember I have been very insecure about myself I was even in sick kids for anorexia when I was about 12 years old. Through life I've developed severe OCDs that are very relevant to my self image. Recently about 7 months a girl came into my life, we connected instantly, I thought this was the answer to fixing my anxiety everytime I was with her I didn't really feel much anxiety I believe because I was distracted by the thought of being here. After a couple months of being with her I start having BAD panic attacks again, i saw my life nowhere where I wanted it to be and severe depression sunk in. With the depression came negative thoughts, obsessive thoughts that tell me I shouldn't be with this girl that I would be happy without her. With these thoughts its literally made me so nervous and sick to my stomach, so confused with my life i felt like i didn't know who i was anymore. This was by far the WORST depression, depersonalization, panic attacks I've ever experienced. Throughout these time my girlfriend was very sad about this but told me she loves me and just wants me to help myself, in which Im doing, Ive been seeing a doctor who set me on a better path in my life I can finally see SOMETHING, not much but its giving me hope. I guess I can say I've made progress. One problem I still suffer from is the thought that maybe I shouldn't be with my girlfriend. She is the most amazing person I have ever met she is ALWAYS there for me, we talk everyday, we laugh, were literally best friends and sexually attracted to each other, but I ALWAYS have a little voice in my head that says other wise. I know deep down that it isn't true cause she is the reason Ive made the progress in my laugh. But along with these thoughts it makes me nervous around her especially say in a restaurant setting. The thought of just sitting there in a public place literally makes me so nervous I have panic attacks. Its no fair to either of us I'm not feeling sorry for myself I literally am angry I want to do whatever it takes to make myself better. I know these are my own obsessive thoughts because the relationship is next to perfect. I don't know why I need to think like this, I just want to be able to sit there and enjoy myself without being nervous all the time. I thank whoever reads this.