Huan
11-15-2016, 10:27 AM
Hello everybody,I'm 22 and I'm from Macedonia, currently struggling with something still unknown to me and not understandable, the panic disorder and anxiety.
It has been 7 months now since i had my first panic attack, and series of panic attacks following the first. Then anxiety,extreme fear of everything and depression kicked in.First two months were hell for me, I was only calm when i was sleeping. First thing in the morning i would have had heavy and fast heartbeat,followed with unexplained fear and excitement. Then every minute in the day was a struggle with the unknown persisting enemy. I was literally waiting when the next panic attack will strike, i was observing every body sensation I experienced and I was just waiting for something bad to happen. My thoughts were chaotic. I used to ride my bike twice around the city just to keep myself occupied with something and not to think about the "problem" I had. After, a month of struggle I and my family decided that I should visit a psychiatrist which it happened to be a family friend. I used to meet with her once a week, have a discussion about the problem and she prescribed me two type of medicine, first was Elicea 10mg(escitalopram) and Loram 2.5mg 1/2 twice a day (lorazepam), then changed to Ansilan (simillar to lorazepam). Since i started using this, in a month( somewhere in the middle of July) i felt a bit of a relief, and since then I had ups and downs, with recurring symptoms. I was told that this was expected and I went on. I never stopped going out with friends, I continued doing my daily activities ( extreme biking, playing games, studying, going out, etc...). The following few months the situation went for the better, august, sept, oct passed. In the start of october i stopped using the sedative Ansilan by consultating with my psych. I even started drinking and getting drunk on weekends with my friends. Now as November passes, all those problems seems are coming back, I had 2 episodes of nearly-panic attack and some unexplained thoughts are coming back.
Mostly I'm worried about those thoughts as no one can understand them completely. So i decided to visit this forum and see if someone else is having nearly the same problem as I do in hope that he/she will tell me that all this is okay and it will eventually pass. I can only describe those thoughts like this: They are shifting my mood about objects,places,events,people, past happenings from " I'm okay with this, I get this warm feeling about it" to " I don't want to do that, it looks scary, I am afraid about it and it is a grim feeling". This same pattern of thoughts is bringing back my panic attack sensation and it leaves me at unease. I keep thinking about that all day long and it seems as days pass I won't stop this struggle anytime near. I constantly change my view on life and days to pass by from " I'm okay with the events that follow and I know what I'm going to do later, tonight , tomorrow or even in a month and it doesn't bother me at all" to " I can't do this anymore, it seems pointless, I've already did this, what if I do it again? What's the point in doing all this, in living this life? I can't find anything to satisfy me and remove these awful thoughts about inutility".
So I'm gonna leave this here, in hope that someone will shed some light on how to solve or is it solvable at all, this stupid "sickness" that strikes in our life without any warning and it intends to stay forever.
Peace!
It has been 7 months now since i had my first panic attack, and series of panic attacks following the first. Then anxiety,extreme fear of everything and depression kicked in.First two months were hell for me, I was only calm when i was sleeping. First thing in the morning i would have had heavy and fast heartbeat,followed with unexplained fear and excitement. Then every minute in the day was a struggle with the unknown persisting enemy. I was literally waiting when the next panic attack will strike, i was observing every body sensation I experienced and I was just waiting for something bad to happen. My thoughts were chaotic. I used to ride my bike twice around the city just to keep myself occupied with something and not to think about the "problem" I had. After, a month of struggle I and my family decided that I should visit a psychiatrist which it happened to be a family friend. I used to meet with her once a week, have a discussion about the problem and she prescribed me two type of medicine, first was Elicea 10mg(escitalopram) and Loram 2.5mg 1/2 twice a day (lorazepam), then changed to Ansilan (simillar to lorazepam). Since i started using this, in a month( somewhere in the middle of July) i felt a bit of a relief, and since then I had ups and downs, with recurring symptoms. I was told that this was expected and I went on. I never stopped going out with friends, I continued doing my daily activities ( extreme biking, playing games, studying, going out, etc...). The following few months the situation went for the better, august, sept, oct passed. In the start of october i stopped using the sedative Ansilan by consultating with my psych. I even started drinking and getting drunk on weekends with my friends. Now as November passes, all those problems seems are coming back, I had 2 episodes of nearly-panic attack and some unexplained thoughts are coming back.
Mostly I'm worried about those thoughts as no one can understand them completely. So i decided to visit this forum and see if someone else is having nearly the same problem as I do in hope that he/she will tell me that all this is okay and it will eventually pass. I can only describe those thoughts like this: They are shifting my mood about objects,places,events,people, past happenings from " I'm okay with this, I get this warm feeling about it" to " I don't want to do that, it looks scary, I am afraid about it and it is a grim feeling". This same pattern of thoughts is bringing back my panic attack sensation and it leaves me at unease. I keep thinking about that all day long and it seems as days pass I won't stop this struggle anytime near. I constantly change my view on life and days to pass by from " I'm okay with the events that follow and I know what I'm going to do later, tonight , tomorrow or even in a month and it doesn't bother me at all" to " I can't do this anymore, it seems pointless, I've already did this, what if I do it again? What's the point in doing all this, in living this life? I can't find anything to satisfy me and remove these awful thoughts about inutility".
So I'm gonna leave this here, in hope that someone will shed some light on how to solve or is it solvable at all, this stupid "sickness" that strikes in our life without any warning and it intends to stay forever.
Peace!