Why POSITIVE THINKING did not work for me

[Ponder]

https://c3.staticflickr.com/6/5461/22809348458_dcf82c4e16_m.jpg Why Positive Thinking Didn’t Work for Me (http://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-positive-thinking-didnt-work-for-me/)

"...Oh, enough already of all this positivity palaver...it's turned a whole generation into self obsessed robots, robbing people of outward character...I dare say George Orwell would have called it what it is: groupthink. Thoughtful criticism or analytical comment seems to have been banned, in favour of "just be positive and don't bring us all down with your negativity". Now I'm NOT saying people should spend all their time being negative, but how about some balance?...quite frankly I find the omnipresent positvity police..a terrifying lot.....Just be yourself...sure, iron out the psycho-emotional kinks along-the-journey, but stop forcing the world into believing there's only one acceptable mode of thought...ie .. delusional."


Today there was nothing really that "special" about it and nor do I achieve any "positive" results - BUT I'm feeling just fine all the same. Just well I'm not subscribed to any Special or Positive threads. :)

How's that grab the analytical mind? I can feel the Resistance already. Keep an open mind peeps, and above all; let's keep it real.

[Dahila]

hm we do everything not to feel pain. I am trying to think positive but I found the best option for me is just be neutral.............. I am on the side, whatever happens happen......... Positive thinking is exhausting :)
came back to say that it bores me to death

[Ponder]

LOL - srry but that rang so true about positive thinking being very draining. INDEED - I know that for a fact. I actually busted a blood vessel in my eye today! Trust me - you don't want to get too charged. :)

Edit:

https://c4.staticflickr.com/6/5732/30904603011_8fc0368e0d_b.jpg

[Dahila]

I really feel your pain, at the same time admiring your eyes, without the broken blood vessel, You eyes are exactly like my DH:)) wow. The quality of the picture is mind blowing............eh this is what i envy you, taking such pics. Try not to be on computer too long,
Does it hurt?

[Ponder]

Narr ... it just feels a little dry is all. Yea - good point about the not being on computer tool long. I've had this happen with just gaming for too long and or spending too much time in places like these.

[Dahila]

yeah computer screen and staring at it will cause it. :)

[BlessedBackyard]

Incredible clarity of that photo! Though I'm sorry about your busted blood vessel.

I went completely gung-ho on the positivity train last year. After a couple of weeks, I had more energy and less depression than I had had in months. But then I balanced back out to a neutral state and couldn't reach that continual high no matter how positive I thought. I had to realize that neutral isn't a bad thing. I can still feel the high-highs and muddle through the low-lows, but there's also a sense of contentment when I'm in the middle instead of always trying to reach for something beyond my grasp. A few good things came from it, though, in that I can now recognize when I'm being overly critical or pessimistic. I allow myself to feel my emotions instead of pushing aside the "bad" ones. I do find benefit in surrounding myself with positive things (i.e. quotes, images, people), but I like to think it's balanced with "thoughtful criticism and analytical comment." <-- also known as a healthy debate, one of my favorite hobbies.

[Dahila]

bb this is so right ;).............

[Gemma89]

I try and do positive affirmations but I agree it can be really hard and exhausting. I prefer distractions right now

[jessed03]

Positive thinking is pretty useless, yeah. I prefer gratitude. Just being grateful for what's around me.

The brain has too many mechanisms in place to judge the world around it. Over the course of your life it's been building an intricate picture of you. Yeah, this picture isn't really accurate, but your brain uses it as a guide to keep you safe. If you've lived a life of failure, stress, pain, or whatever, no way is the brain going to change its picture based on a few minutes of thinking differently. Whenever someone tries to think or act in a way that goes against their deeply ingrained self-image, the behaviour just gets rejected.

Realizing there is "no self" and enjoying the present, gratitude, or just rationally dissecting your faulty world beliefs is much more effective. Imho, of course. :)

[jessed03]

Try to go deeper than affirmations, Gemma. They're pretty superficial. Change the underlying beliefs that are making you so miserable.

Whenever you feel at your worst, pull out some paper and a timer. Write like nuts about what's on your mind. Don't let the pen stop. Keep going for 5-10 mins, until you feel empty and you're just repeating yourself.

Leave it alone for a day, then come back the next day. Reframe your key sentences into belief statements, just so you can get a glimpse of the way you view yourself and the world. These are the harmful beliefs that you'll need to work on or change. Pick the top 20% you feel are most inaccurate and are making you most miserable. Here's a quick excerpt from an old freewrite of mine. I was feeling particularly emotional after a charged argument with a family member.

"I'll never f***g get better. I'm stuck this way. I was one of those who drew the short straw in life. Somebody has to suffer, we can't all be heroes. Why do I bother even trying when I think wrong, feel wrong, and am wired wrong? Why don't I just do the damn compassionate thing and just stay by myself. Life hurts. People hurt me.....

From that mini segment you can see I believed I was messed up and wouldn't get better, would be hurt by the world, and was just put on this earth to live in pain.

Despite doing lots of different therapies at the time, such as taking meds, exercising, meditating, etc, all of it was futile as I believed myself broken. My brain would just keep living out that belief over and over, and seeking confirmation for this belief from the outside world.

It's nigh on impossible to feel at peace when you have these hidden beliefs about yourself and life dominating your brain.

[magicmarcus]

positive thinking to me is a bad route because the in the end there is always a goal in mind...

ie. make more money, get the date, or whatever... there is always that kind of focus as the end result.

this poses a problem because the fault relies on the thinker. if i am not getting results i must need more affirmations or to think more positive or to keep up my bs happy ass way of thinking even more.

which leads down a trap... and the trap makes us feel bad and in the end it seems there is no one to blame but ourselves for not being positive enough.

in my opinion this leads to all kinds of anxieties and mental issues because we are constantly fighting and fighting from a place of lack rather than a place of being full in ourselves and being content.

contentment with ourselves and acceptance of what is - is what has helped me out of the rut so many times.

accept that this is what we have now... this is where we are... and we are ok. in this moment i am ok.

then i can move on and think positive or whatever WITHOUT relying on positive thinking to DO something for me.

kinda like a catch 22 and when i look for contentment in myself and where i am and what i have currently... i can grow more honestly :-)

hope that makes sense... sometimes i ramble lol but i got a lot of these ideas from the ole stoic philosophers.

[ssMarilyn]

Wow... saying positive thinking is useless makes no sense. That is negative thinking and that is what drags people down even deeper and quicker.

[salvator here]

I'm not a positive thinker, quite the opposite. I usually predict the worst possibly scenario, this way when it proves me wrong I'm pleasantly surprised. I'm not positive but I am optimistic.

[Ponder]

Depends on your perspective. I dislike Possy Wossys ... that is to say superficial people, but I do like having a positive mind set. Understanding the difference is what makes my affirmations more than wishful thinking. Negative self talk is spawn from unchecked commiseration that only knows negative thinking. People addicted to their aids and labels commonly find themselves clinging to their pain. It's all they know.

If something does not work for me, I try not to blame the tool ... but how I use it.

[Ponder]

Wow... saying positive thinking is useless makes no sense. That is negative thinking and that is what drags people down even deeper and quicker.

I understand where people are coming from with this notion of positive thinking being over rated. It's not so much the concept, but more the way it's adopted. Many people rely on the intention but do nothing else to back it up. Instead they keep repeating positive affirmations but do very little when it comes to the actual doing and being. I call them possy wossies. I like affirmations but do them more with my mind and back them up with doing other exercises that consolidate my intention and so on. I am very aware of the pit falls of "goal setting" yet set myself small goals. The clinical aspect to all these things is getting a bit long in the tooth is all ... but like overusing the same words in the same field.

However - it does take effort and these aspect to one's mental health recover are key if people wish to become self reliant, come of medications and just function without the need to see themselves as some kind of victim atypically measured with some kind of label that they peg on themselves from age 2 or 3. Poor Poor Me and so on ...

Yea Positive thinking helps ... but people also need to be real with it was well. Not a case of clicking ones heals together in order to skip the yellow brick road. It takes effort and whilst most people can take something else that requires no more than hand to mouth, the positive brick road will always take second place; or people will just preach it while continuing to pop their pills. The latter does not make sense ... if it was actually working, then why the need for a chemical solution to lifestyle related problems? Discounting legitimate imbalances that cannot be correct by lifestyle changes → which is quite rare and not reflect by today's numbers of those claiming that nothing else works.

It's all in our head ... the way we are conditioned ... let go of the BS and then you can be sure positive experiences can happen without the need to operated under societal expectations. People will always think negatively whilst clinging to "ideals" (we lose our identity with our true selves and yearn to become the ideal rather than accept our self) ... unless they HAVE what it is they are told they need to achieve ... hence the negative aspect to ideal goals.

Instead ... make your goals achievable within your own set of beliefs ... beleive in yourselves and forget the system we know not works. Create your own positive experiences on your own terms and want for nothing else. Positive thinking is not the problem ... the problem is in the way we are taught to think. Recondition your own mind ... unlearn then relearn. Create your own ethics and set of beliefs.

Those that reject your freedom to be yourself only validate your reason to no longer participate in a system that's bent on control. Do these things and enjoy your new found freedom!

Disclaimer ... Life on this rock can still suck. There is no such thing as 24/7 happiness and bliss. That's just part of the illusion constantly illuminated on our screens. Unlearn ... disconnect ... just do it in a positive way :)

It's just what works for me is all -http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/fighting/hair-fire.gif

[Almalutz]

There’s no shortage of self-help gurus who swear that repeating positive phrases to yourself can change your life. According to them, if you tell yourself, “I am strong and successful,” your fears will simply disappear.

If you’ve tried using positive affirmations, you know that it can be a difficult habit to maintain. You may spend five, 10 or even 20 minutes reciting your affirmation, but the other 23-plus hours of the day? Chances are that your mind drifts back to old, repetitive thoughts that have burned deep grooves in your brain.

The problem with positive affirmations is that they operate at the surface level of conscious thinking. They do nothing to contend with the subconscious mind where limiting beliefs really live.

[Kirk]

You may be correct, but I still believe being positive is better than being negative.
I however, have trouble with that myself sometimes.

[ssMarilyn]

When it comes to being positive, I find it's better to just say out loud what I AM thankful for.. good health, good family, good husband, safe in the US, etc.. So many things to think of. Get the book 'From Panic to Power'. It helped me get control of my anxiety. I had no idea I was doing it to myself by ruminating negative thoughts. I have control of my mind, but wasn't aware of that until I read that book!

[MainerMikeBrown]

I like to think positive. But I don't want to get too carried away with it, because if I start thinking so positive that I begin believing in grandiose ideas, I might get manic.

[Ponder]

I like to think positive. But I don't want to get too carried away with it, because if I start thinking so positive that I begin believing in grandiose ideas, I might get manic.
This hit a home run with me - Is how my mind can get stuck on an endless merrygoround. I'm still working on this one. Excellent point!

[Ponder]

There’s no shortage of self-help gurus who swear that repeating positive phrases to yourself can change your life. According to them, if you tell yourself, “I am strong and successful,” your fears will simply disappear.

If you’ve tried using positive affirmations, you know that it can be a difficult habit to maintain. You may spend five, 10 or even 20 minutes reciting your affirmation, but the other 23-plus hours of the day? Chances are that your mind drifts back to old, repetitive thoughts that have burned deep grooves in your brain.

The problem with positive affirmations is that they operate at the surface level of conscious thinking. They do nothing to contend with the subconscious mind where limiting beliefs really live.

Yea - Positive affirmations to me are more about how we live - how we hold our thoughts and what we intend. I affirm without the need to continually recite. Reciting with words and thoughts is not the key to successful conditioning when it comes to Positive Affirmation.

Comes down to genuine intention - don't you think?. Whilst Joh kabbat-Zinn and other mindfulness gurus like him - claim that the way to peace is through the cultivation of effortless being; it's also strongly alluded that doing so requires effort. My context in saying it like so is to suggest that most people who take the route of affirmations do so to avoid the effort required. They care little for the effort that's needed in order to make real long lasting changes for whatever it is that they so desire. They care even less to take the time to question what it is that they think they desire. Our societal mentality of quick fixes is lucky if it can sit through a 15 minute guided meditation, let alone attempting to make a dedicated routine - day in day out tailored towards positive change.

The real effort that is required to overcome such thinking - becomes a negative and hence the definition of positive takes a new personalized meaning. For such quick fix mentalities positive thinking is only positive the easier it is to muster. Positive thinking becomes a short sighted definition that often losses integrity as soon as it's airborne - whilst changes that require more effort are mistakenly viewed as negative are in fact - more positive.

Sure positive thinking works as can the wide array of the many self help methods/concepts that abound. Although once again for me, what others often term as negative is not always bad and in fact what most say is positive is NOT often good. (it's just us kidding ourselves tending to an easy way out - a quick discovery to the so called secrets and many other shallow books) I would say it's more about being real in what we wish for and how we go about holding such aims/goals and intentions from that moment we have had enough to the following day and then the next. In essence - you've got to feel - rather than think it - and do so in the moment whilst letting go and letting nature takes it course. In the doing, work towards what feels right to you rather than what some author says in whatever thread, post or book.

It's one thing to recite the words, but another to write your own book!

[EmilyPineda36]

this is so true...it is impossible to be blindly positive...life is hard, but when u accept that...the world opens up to you and you're able to grind in the trenches