Beau11
11-12-2016, 02:52 PM
Hey everyone,
This is my first post, i'm new to the forum. So, let's get right to it. I've dealt with generalized anxiety my whole life, yet my extreme anxiety comes in cycles. During these cycles, my anxiety either manifests itself as 'depersonalization disorder' due to smoking pot and having panic attacks way back in the day (I haven't smoked in years) or it manifests itself as an extreme gag reflex, where I'll just start gaging and puking in public, or even at home. Most recently, it has been the gag reflex that has come back full force, and I don't know what to do.
I was slated to move back up to Grand Junction and live with my friend, and also play on their men's golf team. I worked really hard to get good enough to play, and then the day I was supposed to move up, BAM, started choking and puking. I had to turn around and come home...now I'm just doing online school and living with my parents.
I basically can't go anywhere or do anything without gagging. Dates, my job (which I had to quit), my college experience (which I had to abandon), everything...everything is ruined for me and I can't overcome this. I've been doing therapy, and I tried Celexa 40mg for a few months to no avail. These cycles seem to come at the worst possible times and they can last for months on end in unrelenting fashion.
I contemplate suicide daily now, and while I don't think I'd ever do it (because it would upset my mom), I'm just tired. I find joy in nothing, no matter how hard I try to. I know I have talent and potential, but I feel like I always work hard toward something to only be lampooned by my anxiety. Any advice or similar experiences?
-Beau
This is my first post, i'm new to the forum. So, let's get right to it. I've dealt with generalized anxiety my whole life, yet my extreme anxiety comes in cycles. During these cycles, my anxiety either manifests itself as 'depersonalization disorder' due to smoking pot and having panic attacks way back in the day (I haven't smoked in years) or it manifests itself as an extreme gag reflex, where I'll just start gaging and puking in public, or even at home. Most recently, it has been the gag reflex that has come back full force, and I don't know what to do.
I was slated to move back up to Grand Junction and live with my friend, and also play on their men's golf team. I worked really hard to get good enough to play, and then the day I was supposed to move up, BAM, started choking and puking. I had to turn around and come home...now I'm just doing online school and living with my parents.
I basically can't go anywhere or do anything without gagging. Dates, my job (which I had to quit), my college experience (which I had to abandon), everything...everything is ruined for me and I can't overcome this. I've been doing therapy, and I tried Celexa 40mg for a few months to no avail. These cycles seem to come at the worst possible times and they can last for months on end in unrelenting fashion.
I contemplate suicide daily now, and while I don't think I'd ever do it (because it would upset my mom), I'm just tired. I find joy in nothing, no matter how hard I try to. I know I have talent and potential, but I feel like I always work hard toward something to only be lampooned by my anxiety. Any advice or similar experiences?
-Beau