Suicidal and homicidal

[Skizo]

I don't know how to fix my life anymore, and I cannot get a girl if my life depends on it... It seems pointless now, nothing ever changes no matter what I do, I will be 26 soon and there is no way out of this shithole for me... I am not anxious anymore, I am actually at peace and the thought of suicide excites me, thats when you know its dangerous... When you are looking forward to it.

But I don't feel like I want to be the only victim, I know its wrong and I'm a horrible person, but I just don't care.

[lolfeg123]

Why do you think your life is not on track? I'm in a similar age group as you, and I do not have a girlfriend. Hang in there and have hope...

[Kirk]

I will tell you a story which happened to me. I was married to my first wife when I was 23 and little did I know I would be divorced after only 3 and half years of marriage.
We had just got back from a vacation in Toronto where we drove from Baltimore. We arrived back at our apartment and we sat down for dinner. My wife made dinner and
handed me my food and said, by the way I am leaving you as I have found someone else. WTF? I became upset and went into the other room and cried. She was screwing
someone else behind my back for a while. Anyway, she slept on the couch for a few nights and finally I told her you have to leave. So, on a Sunday I left for a while, while
she moved out. She cleaned me out except for the kitchen set and the sofa and loveseat, which we owed money on. BAD news to say the least. My second marriage has been
now for almost 30 years. You will find someone eventually, take my word for it. Suicide is not the answer. Remember never quit or give up the ship as their is always hope!

[Anne1221]

But you need to care. If you don't like feeling bad, that means you know what feeling bad is like. IF you want to take the life of another person, picture their family crying for the rest of their lives and feeling the way you do now over your actions. I think there is a girl out there for you. Don't think things can't change. They do! Keep fighting for yourself, for those who would be devastated forever over your death and for those that would be damaged forever.

[Dahila]

Oh welcome back Shizo, another game????????

[gypsylee]

Oh welcome back Shizo, another game????????

Yeah I wondered if this is a troll. Has this person trolled before Dahila? I mean threats of suicide are one thing but homicide is another..

[Ponder]

http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/fighting/head-bash.gif Yep - it sucks to live with rage. I know how frustrating that is. No one will listen until its too late! Won't be long now - Looks like Trump will get in and things will soon come to a head. At least hang out and watch that show unfold. Things can only get better for those of us left standing after that. If we are not here - then at least we lasted as long as we did and we'll no longer have to put with things as is.

[Dahila]

Yeah I wondered if this is a troll. Has this person trolled before Dahila? I mean threats of suicide are one thing but homicide is another..

Yes it is infamous Kyle, who made so much mess on forum a year ago................ eh
yes Homocide is what upsetting me, but I still think it is a game , looking for attention
I hope as hell I am wrong

[gypsylee]

Yes it is infamous Kyle, who made so much mess on forum a year ago

Hahahahahaha "infamous Kyle"! :rolleyes:

[Anne1221]

I guess I should post on "things that annoy you"....people who waste our time and are just trolls.

[Ponder]

we learn none the less .. nothing is wasted, but yea .. I hear ya Anne.

[Skizo]

Oh welcome back Shizo, another game????????

There is no game, and I don't know who you think I am but I have asked you to kindly fuck off multiple times. In fact I quit this forum for a year because of your harrassing me.

And to the other people offering their advice... I'm sorry but I find no pleasure in life, I am obsessed and heartbroken and I feel like nothing would give me as much pleasure as ending it all with a bang. At first I thought of only suicide, but then I thought that is too sad and depressing, and I felt much better when I think about taking the people who have hurt me with me to hell.

[Dahila]

I do not harass you and I do not swear to anyone, never. I am here for years and have an excellent memory
Nice language young man

[Ponder]

There is no game, and I don't know who you think I am but I have asked you to kindly fuck off multiple times. In fact I quit this forum for a year because of your harassing me.

And to the other people offering their advice... I'm sorry but I find no pleasure in life, I am obsessed and heartbroken and I feel like nothing would give me as much pleasure as ending it all with a bang. At first I thought of only suicide, but then I thought that is too sad and depressing, and I felt much better when I think about taking the people who have hurt me with me to hell.

If you can't do yourself in, you won't be taking anyone else. Trust me I know. Is much easier to kill myself (although that being no easy task without a gun. Thank goodness we don’t have easy access to guns over here). I've made a lot of threats in my time and soon discovered that no one really cares. Only after the fact ... and even then it's really only pretend. The HATE in itself is as good as bashing myself. The sadness more comes from knowing that we are all really beating the shit out of each other without even lifting a hand. The utter disrespect we have for each other is just as bad.

I know where people are coming from when they say they have had enough. No need to make threats and or bang a drum. Unless attention is all you want. Is why I used a petrol can & rope. That did the trick for me. I did not rant and rave on the internet. Although I went on to do so in further search of myself before after the act. (no matter what anyone said -it was my choice - my responsibility) I made a packed with myself and went out and did it. I also knew I was not going to take anyone out. I needed help, and it was the only way I could get it. Each to their own. Of course I don’t suggest you try anything like that … but if you’re going to use the internet – I suggest maybe revealing a little more about what your feeling as is.

Do you actually have a story or are you just bored? Got anything else other than a death threat? If so … then let’s talk. Something a little longer than a tweet would be good. Also something of substance other than passing the buck.

I'm not playing the soft nanny because in the end we are all responsible for the choices we make. I'm sick of dancing around the bush in places like these. If you want to be treated gently, then I suggest a soft approach ... up to you.

So again ... what is it that actually ails you?

[Anne1221]

Please try to get some help. Go to a therapist and have you tried medications? Why do you think people who have hurt you would go to hell? They would go to Paradise. You would be helping them. While you were suffering more in hell, they would be in heaven. Hell just prolongs the sufferings of this life. You don't want more suffering I'm sure. The goal is for you to feel better, not cause others to suffer. And if people have hurt you, and you take their life, what about those innocent people who love them? You would have doomed them. You have depression. A lot of famous people have had depression. But I do think therapy and medication would be helpful. I feel so despondent when I don't take medication.

[Ponder]

Why do you think people who have hurt you would go to hell? ....They would go to Paradise. ........While you were suffering more in hell, they would be in heaven. ......You would have doomed them...

The only tangible evidence of the "concept" heaven and hell is that which we create for ourselves. Anything else falls into a limiting belief system that's designed to instill fear through shame, guilt, doom and gloom. The driving force to much of the anxiety and depression they themselves create. Pills PILLS - $2 a pop - Special Today ... Pills Pills ... come get your pills!

Not to worry – Jesus is coming again. Just sit back, go see a professional and take a chill pill. She’ll Be Right Mate!

[gypsylee]

And to the other people offering their advice... I'm sorry but I find no pleasure in life, I am obsessed and heartbroken and I feel like nothing would give me as much pleasure as ending it all with a bang. At first I thought of only suicide, but then I thought that is too sad and depressing, and I felt much better when I think about taking the people who have hurt me with me to hell.

You realise that suicide is actually pretty hard? Even guns aren't 100%. So you could end up just making things a lot worse.. Especially if you take out other people then fail to kill yourself..

Edit: Read some Albert Camus and you realise suicide is absurd :)

[Skizo]

If you can't do yourself in, you won't be taking anyone else. Trust me I know. Is much easier to kill myself (although that being no easy task without a gun. Thank goodness we don’t have easy access to guns over here). I've made a lot of threats in my time and soon discovered that no one really cares. Only after the fact ... and even then it's really only pretend. The HATE in itself is as good as bashing myself. The sadness more comes from knowing that we are all really beating the shit out of each other without even lifting a hand. The utter disrespect we have for each other is just as bad.

I know where people are coming from when they say they have had enough. No need to make threats and or bang a drum. Unless attention is all you want. Is why I used a petrol can & rope. That did the trick for me. I did not rant and rave on the internet. Although I went on to do so in further search of myself before after the act. (no matter what anyone said -it was my choice - my responsibility) I made a packed with myself and went out and did it. I also knew I was not going to take anyone out. I needed help, and it was the only way I could get it. Each to their own. Of course I don’t suggest you try anything like that … but if you’re going to use the internet – I suggest maybe revealing a little more about what your feeling as is.

Do you actually have a story or are you just bored? Got anything else other than a death threat? If so … then let’s talk. Something a little longer than a tweet would be good. Also something of substance other than passing the buck.

I'm not playing the soft nanny because in the end we are all responsible for the choices we make. I'm sick of dancing around the bush in places like these. If you want to be treated gently, then I suggest a soft approach ... up to you.

So again ... what is it that actually ails you?

I just dont find any pleasure in life, nothing interests me, I have no plans or dreams or hope for happiness and nothing to lose. I find the notion of suicide romantic and beautiful, my life feels empty and I am interested in finding out what happens after death. The life I am living does not intrest me, I am living in a haze.

I know that suicide is hard, but like I said when I decide to do it, I will go out with a bang and fuck things up for everyone else too (obviously I have access to a gun). I can't really explain it but it makes me feel so good to know how dangerous I am and how much power I actually have, I can end someone's life while they think I am some unintimitating loser, but I am the master of their world with the gun in my hand, it would put me in an absolute frenzy of power. It makes me feel good just thinking about it, every time I look these people in the eyes who I could at any minute end their life, it shows in my glare, they can feel it that there is something different about me and people are intimitated by my evil eye. It sounds psychopathic but it makes me feel alive, just knowing that I am one of the people who would have no problem taking someone's life, while most people couldn't do it.

[gypsylee]

I just dont find any pleasure in life, nothing interests me, I have no plans or dreams or hope for happiness and nothing to lose. I find the notion of suicide romantic and beautiful, my life feels empty and I am interested in finding out what happens after death. The life I am living does not intrest me, I am living in a haze.

I know that suicide is hard, but like I said when I decide to do it, I will go out with a bang and fuck things up for everyone else too (obviously I have access to a gun). I can't really explain it but it makes me feel so good to know how dangerous I am and how much power I actually have, I can end someone's life while they think I am some unintimitating loser, but I am the master of their world with the gun in my hand, it would put me in an absolute frenzy of power. It makes me feel good just thinking about it, every time I look these people in the eyes who I could at any minute end their life, it shows in my glare, they can feel it that there is something different about me and people are intimitated by my evil eye. It sounds psychopathic but it makes me feel alive, just knowing that I am one of the people who would have no problem taking someone's life, while most people couldn't do it.

My brother died in 2014 (accidental heroin overdose). Your family has to organise a funeral ASAP because the body can't sit around for long.. That's a NIGHTMARE and it wasn't even me doing the main organisation, it was my dad and can you imagine how he felt?? He had to be prescribed benzos and he never takes anything. I cursed my brother that week for putting us through that and he didn't even mean to die (was just stupid). The funeral cost something like $12K and we went for the cheaper options.

Fast forward 2.5 years and life goes on.. His ex just had another baby (they had two kids together). I guarantee you my brother would be horrified by what happened. You might not but would you want to put your family through that AND the families of others?

Also, if you have any spiritual beliefs similar to mine, you'll just have to come back and do it all again until you get it right! "They" might add worse shit too because suicide and homicide isn't very "evolutionary".

It doesn't just sound psychopathic, it IS psychopathic what you're saying. I really hope you're just trolling because actually doing those things is not cool at all.

[Dahila]

Gypsy I think is trolling but i am wondering if you should report it????? Who knows what can happen

[gypsylee]

There's no way to get his details...

[Dahila]

the admin do see his ip even if it changes , if he does not have static Ip I think it could be not to hard to find him. There is few hacks to find the guy his email adresses and his residency. I wish my son was here.........What if he is beside looking for attention actually psychopath?

[BlessedBackyard]

You say you're a "horrible person" for these thoughts, which means you know right from wrong. That means you also know you need help from a professional. The mind can do outrageous things, but it doesn't have to control you. You may not feel anxious, but it sounds like it's been replaced by severe depression.

So let's talk about power. There are 2 types of power over people -- power out of fear and power out of respect. The former (which you hope to achieve) is easy. The latter is harder to obtain. So, power out of fear is the lazy man's way out. It's also a weak power, since the fearful are always looking for ways out or ways to rebel. If you get a high from having people fear you, I call you lazy. The ones who are powerful because people respect them -- that's what's incredible. People willingly lay down their lives for someone when they truly respect them. How much more powerful is that? Also, taking someone's life means you're taking something that doesn't belong to you -- like a common, ordinary thief. It's been done, and you'd be nothing more than a copycat.

As for hurting those who hurt you, haven't you ever heard the phrase "death is too good for you?" Life hurts, and they won't know that kind of hurt once they're gone. There would be lasting consequences for the living, but you wouldn't have accomplished what you claim to want.

Romantic and beautiful -- I don't think those words mean what you think they mean. They're amazing things that make people feel good. Death may take away earthly pain. But taking away pain is not the same thing as adding something wonderful.

As for the girlfriend thing, it sounds like you're counting on external influences to provide your happiness. That obviously hasn't worked, because nothing external can keep you happy. There have been homeless people in deplorable situations with an innate joy, and yet there are millionaires with everything at their fingertips who are angry, depressed, and with no will to live. People, material things, life circumstances -- none of that is what really makes someone happy (though it helps when those things are good). It's your perception that makes the difference. Again, a good counselor or psychiatrist can help with this.

[Dahila]

BB beautiful post......................:)

[BlessedBackyard]

Thanks Dahila. I worried it was too much, but this forum seems to appreciate (or at least be able to handle) bluntness.

[Dahila]

BB the forum does and I think that bluntness is much better than soft approach. I may be wrong but i know him and his posts. For me is typical attention seeker... . I hope I am not wrong

[Ponder]

As for approach - I think it certainly depends on the person and their experiences when using a blunt or soft approach. I would suggest that it's probably more important that If one way does not work then another should be introduced rather than claiming this or that way is the one that works. Transition is everything. I reserve what I consider my own right, however rights in my book are more oppressive as can be the case of "false"respect - more the deceitful kind that comes from niceties designed with power in mind. Our human language has been tainted so that there is no real clear way to tell another what his or her way should be. Using brute force to knock a path through the scrub/bush may work in the beginning but rarely goes the distance compared to a sharp blade in the hands of the one that needs to learn from his or her mistakes.

As toxic as I can be when airing my own thoughts - Compassion wins out in the end for me. This is both with myself and others ... as I see. Sadly - the detox process is often misunderstood as both an unnecessary & negative experience. The way others step in an handle the situation often influences the outcome.

To The OP - (regardless if this be a troll post or not) I say "I know what it is like to want to kill another human being!" In my wild youth living on the streets there was a side of me that beat the living shit out of predators of young boys. I was part of a small group that left one or two of these humans for dead! Another time I was extremely close to throwing petrol bombs into my son's school (Toowoomba QLD - My brother who is now dead talked me down over the phone) ... I have many stories of wanting to kill and having actaully beating the living shit out of people. I am not just a victim ... Victims become Perps but people care not to consider the former but very quick to judge the latter. I have many other stories where the RAGE and DESPAIR can explicitly reveal the agony of what it's truly like to go from feeling suicidal to first taking someone else out.

Law enforcers in turn beat the fuck out of misfits like us - for many themselves are picked with a psychological profile to dish out brute force and act as Societies BLUNT path for those of us that do not fit but more so flip about like short circuited rejects. It's pure hell to go through the ringer like so and this world is as brutal as they come. Using blunt force will only ever see more people come undone.

Yep ... compassion is what is needed ... but also needs to come from those that truly understand and or have lived it themselves. Anything else regardless of intent - genuine or not ... will fail to reach it's mark. BUT - not always the case, there are those rare moments where others who ha not live it - have been able to bridge that gap ... but I guarantee you - when dealing with volatile people like this - it will never come from being blunt.
__________________________________________________ ___________________________

Disclaimer - rolls eyes - D ... I do agree at times for sure ... especially with many crocodile tears which there are many in here ... that being blunt may seem the only way and I often am as blunt as all *&%K ... but often when we do so, the our message is blinded when the other judges our tone/ways. We also have the cultural/generational gaps that get in the way as well. But Yea - the context of which my above post is made comes from one that understand well the agony that comes from the "proposed and or inclined" predisposition of the OP's Post ... regardless of Hoax or Not. Offering up similarities found within shared experiences through likewise undesirables may appear blunt as all *&^k to others who have not traveled such a path - but to those crying out - can be received as a gentle touch through the act of simply being truly understood.

It's not the death threat that should be the focus, but more that which resides inside of him or her that makes it. Instead we are ALL quick to judge the worse and in turn add fuel to the fire.

I know - Troll Post and all that. Take this as my reply to complement BBs well thought our response ... although I am sure the contrast may be well misunderstood. I am after all a rather complex case

I think is time perhaps for me to return to my more in-depth posts.

Forgive me if I have spoken out of turn. Clearly a reflection of myself - but I don't mind ... because I know there are many *&êd up individuals like me that need not have to live a life of hell - 15 to 20 years is long enough and being a troll is also pardonable in my book. So rock on down to Trolls - Trust Me - we can only bitch and moan for so long - as long as we keep breathing - one soon discovers just how much one don't need another's permission ... we need only give that to ourself. That's where true compassion starts and the want for "power & control" gives way to freedom. The rest is nothing but an illusion ... someone else's delusion.

PS - Not overwhelmed, not flapping about the place ... feeling perfectly fine in every way :)

[Ponder]

Forgive my rather self-indulgent above post Skizo. Just trying to help and sort through some of my own shit. I now see your last post more clearly. I quote first part below:

“………I just dont find any pleasure in life, nothing interests me, I have no plans or dreams or hope for happiness and nothing to lose. I find the notion of suicide romantic and beautiful, my life feels empty and I am interested in finding out what happens after death. The life I am living does not intrest me, I am living in a haze.”

MAN OH MAN – Please just allow me to say I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN and you said it so eloquently. I skipped that post of yours and regret doing so now. Despite all my hobbies I know that feeling. It can be such a chore just to get out of bed.

YEP – Suicide can be a very romantic affair. Especially the whole thing on spirituality – although I am now less worried about what happens next … but more into the feeling of NOTHINGNESS/ OBLIVION for a better word. The whole rebirth thing to me as just as oppressive as all forms of religion based on punishment – although the latter is sugar coated into cause and effect. The analysis that often follows into metaphysical and cosmos related ramblings – for me – are too much of a distraction from discovering a sense of freedom that seems to come from entertaining a sense of nothing! That’s the ticket for hard cases like us. Just ride with finding peace in the moments between all that pain … The pain lives on is us BUT is not our fault perse. (however we can come to see it is within our control - take time ... but won't happen if we check out) But all those insights seem to only come when in a state of processing nothing at all – which kind of makes the entertaining slip away, yet we are still able to feel the joy in a way that’s knows no happiness, sadness. Is just a contended steady state that is bliss for people like us – If I may say. Bliss without the religious or new age BS perspectives - a bliss that knows no perspective.

As for the rest of your reply … I can only refer to my own self-indulgent above response … and add … that everyone is capable of killing and or feeling just as us. Although I understand well the feeling of wanting to be the only one. Fact is most of us want to be accepted and understood. These things are the best of what I can only offer … or at least attempt to give. The world would be a better place if only more of us tried. Alas … we need only start with ourselves. I can say as someone that feels pretty much the same as you … that there is peace to be found in between each breath. So much so, that it’s easier to keep going than it is to let go. (of course we just need a gentle nudge to find our way - something else we should not wait to come from others ... but give to ourselves ... like that permission scenario in my above response)

At any rate … hope this find you well. I’m no one special with any real answers … just reaching out as best I can. Happy to make new friends. PM any time if you like or pass on by Dave’s Diary in the social phobia thread.

Peace Bro.

[Dahila]

D. There is nothing to forgive and we tried a soft approach with him, So many threads with many replies, People actually put a lot of effort in it.
He will be back some time from now. It is a pattern. I do believe he is lonely, that is the true........

[Ponder]

Yea - I think is good to let people know they are still understood no matter how messed up we or they be.

I understand the sense is calling people out for what is - as well.

The day you leave this place _ I question how long I could stay.

I make cuppa and check FB. - no pressure ... if there good if not ... I'll load up a game. ;)

[Dahila]

I just opened FB :).............

[Kirk]

Their was a guy I knew when I used to hang around a pool hall near where I lived when I was in my late teens to early 20's. He was not the nicest person in the world. He could be arrogant. Maybe it was a defense mechanism. Who knows. I lost contact with him over the years but some people I knew kept some link to him. I heard he was very distraught. He was heavy set, claimed he had no friends, had a crummy job and no girl friend. He became a bit of a recluse. When his parents did not here from him for a bit, they went to his apartment and found him with part of his head splattered against the wall. He had put a gun in his mouth and shot himself. His name was Neil. What a shame, killing himself in his 30's.

[Ponder]

IMO - The shame rests more to that which drive him. None the less I'm betting → shame is what drove him. Is exactly that self imposed picture from others that drove my brother to his death. We would do well to drop such attitudes as Shame & Guilt. Comes with that Nationalistic, Patriotic, Religious and Separatist BS.

Shame on that which provoked him.

Enjoyed our Chat. TY

[Kirk]

I will tell one more story of suicide. Many years ago I used to work for a large CPA firm. One of the people who worked their had a brother. The brother who I will call Larry, had a stroke at the young age of 39, for no apparent reason. It was later determined it was because he had an underlying condition. Larry became partially disabled and could no longer work at his old job, so he went on partial disability and got a different job. His wife then left him for someone else. I will call her Nancy. Nancy then decided to try to keep Larry from seeing his 2 children and moved away so it would be more difficult for him to see them. I guess she got custody of the children because of Larry's disability. I never knew the whole story. Larry got depressed and one day drove to a cloverleaf type highway during rush hour. Part of this cloverleaf highway was a lot higher then the rest of it. He drove to the highest point and jumped off the high point down below into oncoming traffic. It was quite high up and I heard he died instantly and was also run over by a number of cars. It was terrible and it devastated his family.

[Kirk]

Their was a man named Jack Kevorkian who passed away a few years ago who was known for assisting terminally ill people with committing suicide.
He was a proponent of this and was widely criticized for his actions. In these situations, I can see his viewpoint as a possible answer, although I am not
sure if I ALWAYS agree with it. I believe each case is different and needs to be considered based on the circumstances in the particular situation.

[BlessedBackyard]

Ponder, you add an interesting perspective that I believe balances this thread. I can't comprehend the feelings and actions you describe, of wanting to hurt someone, but based on the extremes I've felt from my own anxiety and depression, I can at least understand that those feelings are possible. And you word them rather well. I'm ashamed to admit that I used to be one who thought people with depression just needed to get up and do something. Or that those with anxiety, anger, etc. just needed to get over it and push themselves past it. My own battle has taught me better than that, and I continue to learn by hearing/reading what others go through.

I agree, compassion and love are always necessary, and perhaps my anger came across more than compassion in my other post. Having anxiety has made me angry at unnecessary causes of fear. I responded to the tone that I thought to be in OP's post, but my own emotions certainly played a role in the tone that I perceived. The downside to typing over the internet -- you can't hear the nuances of language, so assumptions are made.

[Ponder]

We just made a connection BB. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/hand-gestures/shaking-hands-in-agreement-smiley-emoticon.gif

TY :)

[Dahila]

BB how can we be objective , we are emotional beings. There is always compassion fighting with anger, Every post like that , I mean the OP makes me mad and i act like a b***
It just so many people I know committed suicide, I actully stopped doing readings for people.

Kirk I am jaba daba witch doctor, .......whatever you think I am:))

It is too much for me to even talk about suicide ...........
I have been to this so close,........

[gypsylee]

Kirk I am jaba daba witch doctor

Ahahahahahahaha! Every single time I see you mention the witch doctor thing I laugh :) And "jaba daba witch doctor" is even better!