Dave's Diary

[Ponder]

Indeed ... indeed Dahila. The term vampires is quite adequate. :) Hope you don't mind me rolling on the other thread in this one now. Time for a refresh is all.

Emotional Vampires is something I learned about via Dr. Judith Orloff's book "Emotional Freedom - Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life" (http://www.drjudithorloff.com/Emotional-Freedom/Description.htm)

I'm sure you remember me mentioning that book more than twice. I think I will source the audio book once more. Very liberating as the book suggests.

I ALSO NOW just found this book that may be of interest to you - The Emotional Vampire Survival Guide: Emotional Freedom in Action (http://www.drjudithorloff.com/Free-Articles/Emotional-Vampire-survival.htm)

I actually think I have been getting sapped from my own family. In some sense, when we allow ourselves to run down and become overwhelmed, I think we all do our own fair share of draining. Negative emotions have a way of naturally sucking the life out of others. You know that feeling when you just can't do anything right to please others ... even when you don't try, but simply do all you can to stay afloat yourself; yet your told constantly all those things that make you wrong? I go through a LOT of that with my family ... especially when they are feeling low. This is the hard part of living with someone with a draining illness. Like MS ... the dynamics of that behavioural pattern run quite deep. I have found it quite energizing to learn about the nature of these things by listening to audio books and reading up some. I am glad this has come to light Dahila.

Something I think I need to revisit. I already know that most of the advice is to Cut & Run However, I'm not about to do that to my wife. I also don't think it's really meant that way as such ... not in my case. Perhaps being careful with acquaintances like the one you mentioned and also those newly established ones and or general friendships that are not so deeply routed in a Co-Dependency Dynamic where cutting and running create a LOT of residual pain. I think my situation requires advanced learning, discipline ... hell ... I think I am going to have to ascend to beat that one. LMFAO @ the latter. hehe. I make joke is all ... lol
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SIGH - Vampires ... I think it's important to realize that we are that way at time and that we should not go on a vampire killing frenzy. Is good to identify the problem ... but we also have to retain the ability/capacity to forgive, but that does not mean allowing ourselves to be sucked dry! This is why my routine is so important to me ... my continued writings and so on.

The sun is starting to rise now. Think I will get in an early morning walk. I'm still in a lot of pain re my damn but. I am on waiting list to see general surgeon ... 1 year waiting list. That's the long story short.
I have decided to bail my daughter out by buying her Elliptical (exercise machine) that she does not use. I wont use it much ... probably just to warm up some before doing weights at home. On that note ... I am also looking to be a dumbbell bench soon and some dumbbells. Although I still have about 10 months left of 18 in my gym contract ... The gym has been good, still is and will be for as long as I am still going. I just know that I perform much better on my own. Too many people down there using too many machines all at one. Just sticking with dumbbells and a bench has been an excellent plan to avoid the tension and also placed me well for continuing at home. I used to have a full workout bench with barbell, but have decided that takes up too much space and is too heavy to cart from house to house. (renting) Dumbells alone are more than enough with other body resistance, walking and whatnot.

The hole thing with controlling what I eat is overall the answer to keep fit! The Gym was just another step in my final comeback. Nothing more.

Time to go recharge in that morning sun ... might quickly see if I can rip one of the above books.
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May I ask Dahila ... What do you mean by "your own booth?" Have you not been by yourself all the time selling at the markets, or is that what you meant when you said that. I think it's fantastic that it's all coming to fruition for you. You have fostered that project well. :)

Take care ... and thanks for the encouragement re my writings.

PS - special hello to John if your our there. Miss ya buddy. ;)

[Ponder]

Sweet ... Just found the Audio Book - Emotional Freedom ... going to walk with that over the next few days. :) :) :)

[Dahila]

Hi this is fantastic topic. I like to start from the end. I had rented the table in someone else booth. Now I have my own, From September first and I had sold more in this time that in 8 months I was renting the table, I do not pay a lot just 13 dollars more ...........It feels good to be independent
Emotional vampires. So many people are, my ex husband is, as soon as I am in the same room with him, he feels so good, I am drained, just to be there.
You know that for years I was working with pendulum and tarot, not only tarot, different kinds of divination too. I had not choice but to protect myself. I had eventually got drained so much I quit doing it on daily bases.
There is a way of protecting yourself but it is difficult to be always on it.
I am kind of naive, giving more credit to people that they deserve. I will be like that to the very end of my life.
yeah your situation is difficult, and I have no idea how you stay sane. You struggle daily. Dave you are the most loyal and feeling person I know.
I have no idea what i would do, in your situation. I got divorced cause I could not deal with his bipolar anymore. I know the decision I made after 14 years of marriage was too late for my children health. eh..
I always imagine you in the first rays of sun walking alone, focusing on universe, it makes me happy.
Emotional freedom: I do not think you or I will be ever free from it, but it makes us human, does it not?
Yes you are right to watch the friendships, I know that most people need me and they pretend to be friends. At least I had not meet a lot of people who do not have interest in the friendship for their selfish reasons. D. Family is sometimes the worst enemy of us. They will take us for granted and use us. You know that, I know that too, it is all in our life............
I am jumping all over with the thread, I hope you will get me, you usually do.............. not many people can, my son does, he completely get me, maybe we are so similar in emotional responses........:)

[Ponder]

I surely do get ya. :) I reply in full later. Just read through and so pleased you have had time to respond like so of late. TY. I got to keep moving ... Back later.

[Ponder]

arrr ... I understand now re your market table. Yea, it must be way better renting your own spot as opposed to sharing out of the same spot. It's amazing what that feeling of independence can do for you.

I'm glad you found something that helps you deal with people who thrive on sucking the life out of others. Even if that practice in itself can be a little draining. Everything we do comes at a cost. I think it's just they way the universe works.

I came across an interesting quote this morning:

“There’s only one thing harder than accepting this, and that is not accepting it.”
― Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life (http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9762.Loving_What_Is)

I guess the trick is in the way we accept it. Accepting has nothing to do with allowing ourselves to be drained, dominated, abused or whatever; but more to do with no longer resisting the reality of our situation. I think it was some podcast I heard something or other about how Change is always met with resistance when it comes to migrating from negative behavioural patterns into a positive ones ... or that in fact, any kind of change in our brains neural net.

Perhaps a little weird how I can draw from a philological standpoint of some weight loss podcast, and then mix with Byron Katie's philosophy ... more so in contrast to yet another one of her quotes:

“I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. We can know that reality is good just as it is, because when we argue with it, we experience tension and frustration. We don’t feel natural or balanced. When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.”
― Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

I guess not easily understood by those that can only make sense out of life by justifying their suffering. Typically be clinging to old hurts by way of not giving up their stories. I believe the later is why this book is quite controversial to many who read it and whilst they despise the book, they feverishly can't stop talking about it. lol ... srry but that alone is also quite revealing. I actually find it a little hard to take in myself (no doubt I myself still have much to accept), however find there is much in it that resonates with a lot of I previously gleaned. Perhaps my next read ... text to speech no doubt.
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Re the emotional freedom - To be free or not? I have moments when I am free and guess I live for those despite the cage of an imposed existence. To exist or not? "I do not exist" as much as "I have no age" come's the quotes from an Audio Dharma Talk (http://www.audiodharma.org/)... I am free from it, when able to unlearn all that garbage they taught us in school ... when I am able to say no to KFC and all forms of processed food. In fact, I am free from emotion, when I strive to no longer be human. :) Being human is overrated! We need not act like humans just because we appear to look like one. That is how I believe when it comes to unlearning! Is how I no longer wave a flag, believe in the powers that be, or give credit to those who do good deeds. Yet the latter is not as it appears, as I am still open to seeking true compassion and love. Just not the way our society perceives or teaches it.

Time to go get more of that early morning sun :)

[Ponder]

Emotional freedom: I do not think you or I will be ever free from it, but it makes us human, does it not?

Well said!!!

[Dahila]

I really like your post D. The acceptance; everything depends on how we accept it, we can fight with it, and lose or try to accept and fit pieces in the puzzle. Of course it is easier to type it that to do it. I do lately and exercise few times a day....... I think ie; I am so happy I have a place to follow my passion. (finished basement) Then I am so happy I still walk when so many people can not. On market so many people come , disable people, it gives me completely different view of my life. Actually, I am pretty happy. I am.
In the moment we stop struggling there comes relieve........ peace,
I think I need to read less of religious discussion between Poles. It pisses me off, makes me upset and the fanatics tell me I will go to hell.....................I am already there, now I am trying to get to heaven:))
In Poland there is a situation when the government does not respect human's rights. it break my heart............. well I need to focus more on now and here;) Thank you for the discussion D.

[Ponder]

I'm sorry dahlia - but I have to log the following in. Is simply the truth about how I currently feel:
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Eating like a clean vegan for quite some time now. Nothing seems to work. Have tried all the creams, the sits baths, hot baths, oils, and all the other methods listed in "another" forum. I have changed doctors, been treated like a hypochondriac, lack the money to just simply go get surgery and rar rar rar ...

I was finally put on a waiting list to see the general surgeon ... I have at least one more year to suffer like this. Everyday I take a crap, no matter how soft it is ... I always end up in pain. I have been demoralized more and more with each passing day. I have for some time tried to keep spirited, chin up and solider on ... all that BS and so on & on. "OH I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH FROM MY PAIN ... Ty Lord Jesus ... TY Universe ... TY for teaching me so much via my busted ass. Oh please Sir - give me *&&%ing More!!!

I know not the terminology these people with their busted ass use, however I know the pain so very well. I was living month to month, week to week, day to day ... but now I know I have at least one more year before seeing another quack in it's white coat to further make judgments upon myself ... I fear the pain is too much to bear. I cant stand it any more.
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$$$ all comes down to money in the end. Pffft.
People say Tinnitus drives many to suicide. I have that too ... nothing compares to an anal fissure that will simply not heal. *&^%ing idiots also know I am pensioned off with mental illness and still they want to make we wait another year. Un*&%en believable!!!

There ... that's my *&^%ing Rant!!!

:( :( :( Is OK though ... I am sure I will continue to suffer. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/angry/bang-head-on-wall.gif

Just really needed to get that out of my system. TY.

[Ponder]

Disclaimer: Just for that Fucking Religious Dingbat Mother of Mine and the rest of that retarded family that loves to stalk me/family in this forum/elsewhere - the above is nothing more than a healthy expression. I'M NOT GOING TO KILL MYSELF DICKHEADS!

Last time I expressed like so, those religious fucks rang the cops to which ended up on my door step like a bunch of Nazi Storm Troopers. I had a pair of militarized penguins on my doorstep who patronized me like the retards my religious family be and car load of paper bag puppets waiting further down the road.

Hurry up and die you old fucking neurotic hag ... and if your also reading sis ... go troll another family. We will never adopt such fucking retarded beliefs!

I hope this concludes your discipleship ... let go ... go be with your God. Job well done. Time do die now.

I'll continue to soldier on ...

Fucking Dingbats!!!

[Ponder]

WOW - I feel much better already.

Could not of timed that more perfectly.


Hope this finds you well Dahila. I hear you loud and clear, although you speak with such a kind and soft heart...but watch out when grandma lets it rip hey. LOL this forum often requires such a shake up from time to time and I know exactly where your coming from when you let it rip. Just as I have done in here. You always seem to do it better than I - Nothing wrong with your English whatsoever!!!

Yea ... fuck all that religious crap. Very glad you have brought it up. You know something ... I need some firing up. Please don't hesitate to throw a few more logs on the fire. :) Just what I need at this point and time.

Fuck em ... Fuck em all! We can speak petals and roses once the fire dulls a little ... but for now ... good topic.

A little feeding session would be enlightening I thinks. Fuck the church were you live and fuck the government where you live ... fuck the ones over here and fuck them all.

Time for my walk.

[Dahila]

ok thanks to f****n health system in Canada, my poor partner is going to be on blood thinners for the rest of his life. They let him out after 4 surgeries without blood thinners, He almost died, cloth, he is suffering from deep veing trombosis and it repeats so often he ends in hospital. It is the doctor fault. He was complaining that some veins are bigger on his stomach. The doc made appointemeent with surgent with a year of waiting. Now is very problematic, they put stint in his veins to open it but it does not work. He is living on granate, it can explode anytime .........................this world is so bad D that sometimes I want to close my eyes and stop breathing..
Being in pain does nothing for you, it is degrading. And of course if you have money you probably would wait two months for operation. If we had money and did not have heavy accent he would be in better position right now...
Pain does not make you better, pain makes you mad. Even famous Sai Baba said that pain does nothing for one's soul.

You know that I do voice my opinion and getting religious enemies by hundreds. The thing is I tell them they are idiots simple as that. eh life , I wonder if you go to ER and refuse to leave would they help u? Here they would call cops on you
today someone told me to go to welfare and ask for blood glucose meter, and the tests they said are cheap $ 70 a month,,,,,,,,,,,, fiuuuuuuuuuuuu nothing , when you have benefits. I must shot up now before I get really upset , I mean i am upset from early morning...............

[Ponder]

That truly sucks D ---- :(

Yea, they would call cops here too. Getting my blood going this morning really helped me today D. Also your sharing did so as well. TY very much. Your right, those religious folk are pretty simple to believe the way they do. Judgemental fucks as well. I have no time for them whatsoever.

Knock Knock!!! Oh it's one of them ... "Yea I KNOW ... I am going to Hell ... Now Fuck Off!!!" http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/funny/1/devil.gif

[Dahila]

hehe I am going to hell not because they want me to , but there is a better company ;)
We both live in British fucked system country, as you see we have very similar stories, I actually know people who were treated the same way as you are . Do you need me to come and yell as hell. I get bad temper but it seems that they understand my English perfectly and Few of fucks always help

I am screwed up by health system too .............

[Ponder]

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/tumblr_niugn1vXXe1tsf68ao1_400_zpsajwvtms8.gif ... Here is one for the Union Jack → http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/tumblr_static_tumblr_static__640_zpscfggfmyc.gif
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....... LOADING ... http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/hgfhy5umb_zpsa1cshp5e.gif

[Dahila]

heheeeeeeeeee I had seen it but no the last one:)

[Ponder]

Dahila ... May I suggest a little attention to our circadian rhythm. I'm off to get my vital sun rays while they do not bite so hard. Let's throw a little cheer back in for now, that way we will have the energy to bitch all the more later. :)

Back soon enough.

[Dahila]

Ok ;)),,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[Ponder]

Hows your eating and activity going? I know it's not the answer to everything, but as you know ... it certainly helps. I allowed myself to eat more than needed yesterday, but now having no trouble going back to small and light. Looking forward to a light salad a little later today.

Hey ... do you know much about "cold diffusers" ... for aromatherapy? Have you got one? The candle ones get on my nose too much. Breathing wise that is. Thinking about a cold diffuser.

[Ponder]

When anxiety strikes - go for a ride - then make a post ;)

https://c1.staticflickr.com/6/5674/30402101536_5b51d39a5b_o.jpg

[Ponder]

Hey Guys ... hows the Anxiety Going. :) - Back in Linux due to that damn " redirection loop (http://techwelkin.com/how-to-solve-this-webpage-has-a-redirect-loop-problem)" error now taking over 4 different web browsers in Windows. Doh! I've tried that fix I am sure, however via another page so maybe there might be some hope for it yet. None the less, good old Linux is always on hand for this kind of thing. Is how I am coming to you now. lmfao @ that one.

I have been on another researching tangent of late. Buying and Selling as Usual. After some deliberation with my other self - http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/hand-gestures/crazy-sign-smiley-emoticon.gifI've decided to finally get that Electronic/Digital Keyboard I always wanted.

I figured I did so well to achieve my goal of Field Recorder & Super Zoom Camera, that I may as well - sell what was left and take the plunge into learning how to play a musical instrument. The latter is something I have mentioned a few times over the years within these like wise threads of mine. Today I believe will be the day that I go ahead and make that purchase. hmmm Actually ... will have to wait for the funds to clear after my last eBay sale clears today. BUT - None the less ... I have a keyboard picked out:

Casio WK 6600
http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/1600-WK6600_detail2_zpsdiivfmes.jpg

Also known as a Work Station Keyboard with plenty of Inputs and Output connections.
http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/CA_WK6600_zpsbmz0ieut.jpg

The thing is - I really have no idea when it comes to music. I LOVE music ... but have often struggled with it when it comes to "Learning" it. I'm not much into the Lyrics - I would always get the rythem of a song and hold onto that, but like how I struggled with reading, I also could not pick out the words amongst all the music. I am not sure if that makes sense, but the music I often loved. Later in my adult years, I would be like "ohhhhh that's what they are saying" ... and now I am kind of "over" the pining that much of the culture/pop/rock or whatever music had and still has in it. In that sense, music with lyrics - IMO can be a massive trigger for those with us with unbalanced emotions. BUT - Music itself ... well ... the healing potential is quite well known and something I know to be true from personal experience.

It's going to be MASSIVE challenge for me though. In Fact - It's going to be the biggest challenge I have ever had!!! - I know nothing of the fundamentals of music reading and theory ... ZERO!!! Remember how I mentioned how that primary school teacher used to smash my forehead into the table (regular occurrence that was which resulted in an investigation where she got off) by grabbing a hand full of hair on the crown of my head and using it like a handle. Long story short I become a bit of a target for such teachers. Later in high school I had a Maths teacher who seemed to love humiliating me at every chance. At any rate - among all that ... the ADHD - OCD - Dyslexia - and all those other wonderful traits that come with us so called "troubled kids" really saw me struggle hard with Maths & Music. Interestingly enough - I always loved music ... but struggled with the theory. The teachers in that subject where not so bad though. They did not beat me and humiliate me like the ones teaching me Maths. Interestingly enough, I did well with Science & English.

Righto - that's a snippet with my learning difficulties.
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SO WHY EVEN BOTHER TO LEARN MUSIC THEORY? Just use your ear! ... I am being told. Sadly, this is not the way for me - Not yet. Perhaps that may develop ... all in good time. The other side of the coin is how many make out that learning the details is "easy." SIGH - I really don't think many of these people who find such things easy, understand what it's like to live with chronic learning difficulties. Like I said, I struggled with picking words out of a song, let alone following words on a line. Burn Out happens quick with us erratic types. Having said that though ... I do like to learn and I think that's no secret. I am always learning and teaching myself new things - or those things that I already know I am going back over ... like mastering one hobby as I go from one to the next but never really giving any of them up.

I think I will just include music along the same lines ... study it like I do my photography, media encoding, astronomy, chess, bush walking, exercising, healthy living, writing, poetry, philosophy, and all the rest.

I played chords on the guitar. I was told I only need to learn 3 in order to play anything I wanted. NOPE - srry ... but that story does not work for everyone. I'm a classic case of that. Scales, Octaves ... it's easy those magicians would tell me. Easy Peasy - like 123. Hmmmmmm - Not when you don't understand how music works. I need to fill in all the gaps. I simply don't operate when I don't understand where something fits and or I think something is missing. Just as I once did not read very well (pleased to say I am much improved with that now) - In the same with I struggle with reading, I also struggle with listening. Learning to read helps me to hear. With understanding comes clarity. That in itself I know to be simple. It just takes me many goes, many attempts, before it sinks in. I know from experience though ... that when something clicks I end up becoming quite proficient in whatever it is that I am learning.

Without structure - I don't seem to do so well. That's my story when it comes to simply winging it with my ear. My OCD got the best of me with my guitar and it went from being enjoyable to just a chore, but I simply did not take the time or make the effort to learn how the music worked. See what happens this next time around ... with learning the music and doing so - with a keyboard!

It's good to be stuttering a lot less these days. : )

[Dahila]

beautiful instrument , :) you must be happy
Cold diffusers are you talking about the one you plug it in?
I think better idea is to use a ball of cotton and put some drops of EO. I am against any warming or using electricity for it. That's my opinion , go as simple as possible D:))

[Ponder]

How's about I get a solar panel to power it then. :) Yes ... a plug in unit the creates vapour through an " ultrasonic vibration" process. Something like that. Yes simple is best! I like that ... but you know me ... always complicating things. Sigh.

[Dahila]

yeah, we are obsessed with the technology Ponder, you and I :)) we complain that it is not good but use them and buy more and more. My mouse seems to drain battery out. I need to go to get another one, eh

[Ponder]

Almost did not load up again ... but made it back in - Just. YEA - Very true Dahila. I've come to see technology as not the problem, but more the people. I've quoted him so many times before and I'll quote him again:

“I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots.” ― Albert Einstein (http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/9810.Albert_Einstein)

That Keyboard purchase will be my last big bang acquisition for quite some time, however there will be some ongoing associated costs such as a mid cable to hook up to PC, Tutorial Software and so on.

After joining more forums and seeking advice, I came up with the following two books: Do you know much about Music theory Dahila?

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/everything-reading-music-book-w-cd_zpsuvdyr5jg.jpg (http://www.booktopia.com.au/everything-reading-music-book-w-cd-schonbrun-marc/prod9781593373245.html?clickid=yDkWylQF9X%3AIVkeQV 8R%3A9SpyUkkRQIRRfV2pVg0&bk_source_id=30206&utm_campaign=Skimbit&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_source=APD&bk_source=APD) ----------------- http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/everything-essential-music-theory-book_zpschm1hv4c.jpg (http://www.booktopia.com.au/everything-essential-music-theory-book-schonbrun-marc/prod9781440583391.html?clickid=yDkWylQF9X%3AIVkeQV 8R%3A9SpyUkkRQIRhfV2pVg0&bk_source_id=30206&utm_campaign=Skimbit&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_source=APD&bk_source=APD)

I've already started filling up my whiteboard with a bunch of notes and scribbles. Also been watching YouTube Tutorials and going to the library later today. I'm sure it will all wane, but is good to have a fresh hobby once again.
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Hmmmm - I have missed some walks the last few days. Just two days, but I am feeling it already. We had some rain during that time. My seeds are now little seedlings. Some in need of more attention than others, but you can be sure they will get what they need ... unlike those teachers who brutalized and shamed me. : ) In some ways, this new hobby will help me reclaim that little boy.

Sigh ....... Off for that much needed walk. I let myself go as well over those last few days ... think I will focus now on another two weeks of eating super clean.
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Hope this finds you well ... as to those others out there suffering with "racing"thoughts.

Actually ... I want to say something about racing thoughts. Already in those other music forums I am being told to "SLOW DOWN" ... and whilst that can be great advice, it's also falls into the category of telling those prone to anxiety attacks to "Calm Down" I mean it can come across as patronizing is all where the fact often remains ... that what others perceive as an anxiety attack is in fact not. Perhaps the anxiety attack is not the best example to what I am meaning here. Just that the off loading - moreover "projected" and seemingly implied shame that one is having a fit when one is not. One is just passionate about the things they do and naturally operates at a higher frequency when "excited" with something new.

"It's alright mateY ... calm down ... all in good time." ... lol" I guess that expression is not so bad which kind of shows it's all in the way we approach others when implying whatever of another. (← which often says more about the one implying) Not to mention where we are ourselves at when baring such projected thought. My point is simply that even right now as I process these here thoughts ... to me it's nothing to let them come and just type them out, whilst others who can not keep up and or comprehend, give up reading but feel the need to advice me that I'm having some kind of fit. HEHEHEHEHE --- WHEN I KNOW THAT I AM NOT ... That in fact I enjoy being able to write so free. I really don't care if it's not making sense to another, as what matters is that these words are serving thier purpose within this hear thread > Dave's Diary ... just as when I bust through the doors of another specified forum and write the way I do ... typically to myself ,,, then the others just like those we deal with in public/the real world, will imply that we need to be labeled as we clearly do not fit in.

That's going out on a tangent there and I can feel I am losing track ... perhaps and perhaps not. Is all good is my point. "You know ... the Truth is Dave ... la la la they will go" The Truth is subjective ... that's all we really need to know. :)
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What else ... ??? Oh Yea - I got gym today. Make sure I get that in as well. I am attempting to do the minimalist thing once more with all that camera gear, electronic cables, unused and hardly accessed gear. Will turn the hobby room into a dedicated music den with a few chess sets off to the side. Structure is something I need which will make this whole music project a welcomed theme.
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I'm out of here - to busy for anxiety today ... in fact I guess my diary message for the day is to simply embrace it!!! - So many users in here talk as if it's something to be conquered and or feared. I could not disagree any more - however just like I said before ... "The Truth is Subjective" ... So if Curing the incurable works for others, then I can dig that.

[Dahila]

Wait , I know a little, my ex is a musician and my both children went to Music school in Poland, my grandchild is attending music school here in Canada.
do you read the notes? I think you do but I am not sure, we talked about it?

“I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots.” ― Albert Einstein it already happened.

If it was not for technology, I would be a woman of few passions,, the access to info thanks to technology is an elixir for my soul. I remember when I had a thousand questions when I was small, then teenager, and spend most of my time looking for answers in books. Then came to Canada, and my first computer, was probably formatted 25 times. My son said ' mom you learn to work windows by yourself so when I am not here you will be good" this is why so many times the format. Then he shows me tricks and tips how to search on line. Then I was good. the huge bag with millions questions become smaller. To this day I spend at least 1-2 hours looking for answers. It is never ending journey, when one is answered it brings 10 more. How could i live without technology??????? I can not even imagine it. When I am busy, I am on market; no anxiety at all, no time, when you ready to tape you playing music please let me listen:)
I hate it, when someone says 'calm down" like I do not know that I should calm down...........eh yeahhhhhhhhhh I hear you clear, The true is Subjective :) it does changes , .........music stays, sound stays........:)

[Ponder]

LOL @ the format. hehehe ... I am due for one sometime soon. I have become so proficient with it these days, it's much quicker to format/reinstall from scratch. Even with my torrented Software that requires a little cutting and pasting. However in saying that ... Yea ... I do maintenance due to the fact my system is overloaded with a LOT of Media Encoding and Games that require a lot of setting up. Therefore ... I must admit, despite the ease of formatting ... setting back up can take some time. I really should look into ghosting/imaging my windows and just reload like that when those damn viruses & or difficult invasive malware **&#ING crap embeds itself beyond repair. SIGH.

I love our techy conversations and especially discussions on torrents. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/smile/sheepish-smile-smiley-emoticon.gif Please understand that a torrent can mean anything from a $1200:00 download to a ZERO dollar download. I'll leave the pondering to others on that.



Hmmmm - NOPE - I can't ready music at all Dahila.
I'm learning completely from scratch. It will be some time before I have anything coherently worth listening to. However, I am honored that you would ask. :) I use to haphazardly play some classical on guitar. Now that I have some Music Theory Books on the Way ... I think the Method Books I will look into will be focused on Classical. I'm actually now playing classical music on my walks and around the house. Just getting my ear ready. :) Classical has no lryics ... I LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!! It will be a rare thing that I will seek to cultural pop or rock ... maybe a little blues to act like a goose for my grandson ... but that's about it. Perhaps some kids song to again, play the goose.
I really can't think of anything better than classical from which to learn music from scratch. Fuck all that religious BULLSHIT ... I'm avoiding all the music books with that fucking shit! Amazing grace ... THROWS UP and so on ... I think I am even over all the hill billy garbage as well. Music has so much idealistic BS in it that I really can't be fucked touching Music Books that use that crap to teach. Songs about War - Enslaving - Oppression and yadda yadda ... even the cultural Pop and Rock with bleeding hearts blaming the generation before and all that kind of thing.

So it is ...I am rekindling my attraction to classical without any lyrics. Some of it I do not like so much, but for the most part I think it's pretty cool. Once I learn how to handle playing some classical pieces myself - I may look into other areas that does not require BS lyrics in order to be enjoyes. I like some of the synthesized new age relaxation stuff ... but not that Dance Music Crap. That shit is as repulsive as religious music to me. I really don't know what to call that other "stuff" that I don't mind. Sometimes called Space Music ... but then that is at times tainted with dance like rap crap.
I have no doubt if I ever improvise, that my expression may be seen as crap as well ... it really is a personal thing. Sigh ... hmmmm ... Yea ... I listen to a lot more classical and learn more about the types in that ... the subtleties and what not.

I best go to the gym now. I am sure my music taste is about to change and inadvertently I may even surprise myself with where my taste goes.Thanks again for showing an interest in my current ambitions with music. I really am starting from scratch. It will be interesting to see how I teach myself to read ... given the whole dyslexia and learning challenges kind of thing. The internet has been AWESOME for that!!!!!
_______________________________________________

You yourself have taught me many things. ;)

[Dahila]

I listen to jazz and blues, reggae, my ex told me that learn the notes is like learning writing. My kids said the same..... you are talented and stubborn, you will learn it in a eye blink.
I also love classical music, Latino, guitar presentation. Vivaldi is my favourite and Chopin. Some Beethoven, and do not laugh I like Strauss

I learned a few songs to play on piano when my kids were in school , it was fun to make a music, I had a cat and he obviously had not like me playing, he always jumped on the piano.:)

Yes a lot of artists want to get popular so they introduce themselves on big torrent ie 50 Cents. a lot of learning material available on internet is also spread by bigtorrent, I love Tixati, No much setting up after you install it, There is a nice option of block lists like on utorrent.
I never link people on forums, you know that, eh torrenting
I had spend my Sunday sitting here and watching the tv shows. Have you watch Westworld? I know the concept is old but still nice watch with Anthony Hopkins.
I do believe in you and you will learn notes. I do have a dyslexia too as you must know, This is why I mixed the words so bad ;)

[Ponder]

Sorry Dahila - Can't think straight tonight. Just watched Walking Dead and having very disturbing thoughts.

I know of west world with yul Brener. That's when they knew how to write a story:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcL3eP0Hfy4

I'll have to check out the series your talking about though. Might go check it out now.

Hope this finds you well.

Still can't shake the violence form Walking Dead (http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?35528-WALKING-DEAD-Penny-for-your-thoughts) out of my head.

Night Night.

[Dahila]

No prob I had watched it with Brenner and loved it, Went to cinema to watch it:)) I am not watching walking dead, no way. I get night mares\

[Ponder]

I share two vids - good info I need to consolidate. I've slipped too far and need to get back on track. His method of eating is the only thing that helps me with my fissure issue! Also I have been more tired since eating more and introducing more cooked food. I still eat heated food, but only got by efficiently with my broken physiology when eating mostly raw and drinking lots of juices. I'm going to tighten my regime back up with eating like so.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8cnR_WgV0Y&index=2&list=FLZ6jekpknyVwam1L UU540zw

How Often Should We Eat? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evEKpfgnxD4&list=FLZ6jekpknyVwam1LUU540zw&index=1)

I know this is challenging stuff for most people and just because I am doing it does not mean anyone else should. The only thing I can say about eating this way is that it's the only thing that's ever been able to heal me where doctors can not ... or simply won't. Sigh .... When he refers to cooked food as a drug, I have to say I agree. Since I strayed with a few too many cooked meals, I busted big time and am once again in a lot of pain and suffering regularly once more.

I'm going back to juicing in the mornings, drinking plenty of water ... eating watery fruits before eating drier foods. When I was doing really well, I was actually only having two meals a day (90% Raw - any grains/nuts soaked for a minimum 24 hours + activated) with juicing in the mornings and one or two throughout the day. I had not focused on much of the layering as I thought I had done now that I understand a little more after watching above vid. Lot's more to experiment with ... I'm gong to try out some of what he says over the next two weeks and see how I go.
_________________________________________________

Hoping my Keyboard arrives tomorrow. :)

[Dahila]

I had eat twice my whole life, right now I need to eat at least 5 times small portions to keep consistent blood glucose. It is not easy, due the small portions, I am constantly hungry:( A lot of good foods are now good for me, the worst is fruit, I love fruit and can not have it.

[Ponder]

Srry to hear Dahila. I know what you mean re your condition. The best way I know that works for me re huger, is getting those much needed vits and mins. Juicing is what seems to fill the gap for me. It's so true that if I layer my food the wrong way – not only do I suffer with bowel issues but also vit and min absorption and then of course that feeling of being hungry.

About the hunger – for me. I total agree with the concept that the tight feeling in our gut is NOT hunger derived from lack of nutrient. (as is the true meaning of huger) When I was homeless and during some time in by obesity years, I know what real malnutrition is. Obesity and or Just being plain unhealthy (skinny or not) masks our ability to know what true hunger is.

The trouble with cooked food is the drug effect. The comfort factor that's added into the pan/pot or whatever means of cooking up a quick fix is what highlights for me – where it is that I go wrong. My priority changes from using food for medicine, where I give in to my addicted predisposition that I suddenly find myself using packaged and factory processed foods. Sickness then follows.

BAMMM – I just caught myself out with how I end up in that degenerative process of sliding back into eating unhealthily. Eating in a way that makes me sick. Before I know it, my skin starts to react, the weight slowly comes back, my joints harden up, I'm become dehydrated, easily tired, eyes become bury and on and on.

Thankfully I am at a level where I can feel these things, now having “studied” and “practised” eating “clean” for well over a year now. Sadly when I been eating a western diet for years running, I was unaware of how the food was killing me so. I kind of knew I was eating myself to death … but not really knowing how or how to stop … I cared less.

SIGH … is good now that I do know.

Anyways … time for my morning walk. Glad to say I am well back on track with that … have to avoid the very hot sun this time of year. I best get going actually.
_________________________

Before I do … I note that redirection issue (only happens with this forum/ + Face Book errors) is every time now on all my browsers. I have loaded into Linux for now and will pretty much do so for browsing the net. Firefox in Linux is bullet proof … More so LINUX itself.

Well … I hope this finds you well. I'll log into FB later on and see if your about.

I have not discounted the redirection issues happening around the same time I started using FB again. FB is such a toxic program as well. Creates all kinds of havoc re Internet browsing. But that's another story I care less for.

Very much hoping my Keyboard turns up today or tomorrow. I Vblog soon :)


All the best to you and yours.

HELLO JOHN YOU OUT THERE BUDDY?

… best wishes to all the lurkers … may your day pan out well. Don't keep busy … just keep sane.

Adios .. until next post.

[Ponder]

Dave's Vlog - Keyboard Arrives. :) I am very impressed with the sound quality. I'm not going to rush playing but I am going to enjoy it. That's for sure. Note. I messed up with the reverse camera during one of the takes and ended up with the keyboard in the reverse position. No big deal ... just worth noting is all.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWQfgkixlrg

[Dahila]

fantastic, the options of different styles is so cool. It is so cool you done this, and the coolest thing the sound is so good , the styles are so easy to recognise, I pretty exited even I do not have it:)) Happy for you:)

[Ponder]

Today I leave it be with the polyfoam (packing material it came with) draped over the top as a cheap alternative for a dust cover:
http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/Keyboard%20Cover_zpsjo183vit.jpg
Bit of a rush this morning ... but looking forward to catching up when I have the chance. Taking little fella to the beach this morning. I enjoyed supervising him yesterday at a play centre. We had a blast. :)
Anyways .. need to get gym out of the way before landing on the beach with the sun not to high.

Glad you enjoyed the vid. : ) Is going to be a long but enjoyable process.

[Ponder]

Hey I picked up a good book today. Two in fact. Here is the first:

https://c3.staticflickr.com/6/5612/30315186570_0450c0a1bd_b.jpg

Found a good write up on it here:
Review (http://www.oxonianreview.org/wp/poetry-as-pharmakon/)

I really like the mindfulness approach to reading poetry that this books guides on through. That alone has really helped me to get so much more out of the poems.

One poem that pricked my interest is as follows:

There's a certain Slant of light, (320)Related Poem Content Details
BY EMILY DICKINSON (https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poets/detail/emily-dickinson)

There's a certain Slant of light,
Winter Afternoons –
That oppresses, like the Heft
Of Cathedral Tunes –


Heavenly Hurt, it gives us –
We can find no scar,
But internal difference –
Where the Meanings, are –


None may teach it – Any –
'Tis the seal Despair –
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the Air –


When it comes, the Landscape listens –
Shadows – hold their breath –
When it goes, 'tis like the Distance
On the look of Death –

I found an interesting and seemingly reasonable analysis here:
http://www.shmoop.com/certain-slant-of-light/

__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _____

The other book I bought is as follows:

https://c3.staticflickr.com/6/5487/30499749042_aac7de7531_b.jpg

Good Reads (http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25300818-battling-the-gods)
theguardian (https://www.theguardian.com/books/2016/mar/09/battling-the-gods-atheism-ancient-world-review)

Edit:
I'm not interested in the Athiest "Movement/ISIM" which I find to be as dogmatic and toxic as religion. I am hoping it has a good philispohical spin that I can comprehend ... an eye opener of sorts with much for me to glean.

Night Folks ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Ponder]

...........BOO!

Just a reply I made that I stand by very much. If you have a job and it's working for you ... then that's great ... BUT - I hate the conept because I know how my kids have been driven into low selfestem because they and others like them do not FIT ... Fuck this world's concept of a J-O-B and to those of us that are considered "ill-equipped"
_______________________

You don't need a J-O-B to give you a sense of accomplishment, a sense of independence and allow you to enjoy your life to a larger extent.

Don't think of it as "WORK" It's such a dirty word these days. Couch cough ... J-O-B ... allow me to clear my throat. It's such a judgmental concept in a society that competes and breeds the addictions/conditions that leads to forums like these.

My kids - having also stemmed from such a toxic branch are always left feeling inadaquet/incomplete going from J-O-B to J-O-B. Today's world has little time to teach, yet makes a fortune selling off educational programs that actually do little to inform. Those the make it out the other side that meet the prerequisites and are finally chosen to fit some kind of "TASK" will of course pick up the torch and claim to speak for those of us deemed "ill-equipped" LMFAO @ that one.

Hence - this is where our friends on ignore come from. Smiles @ such a thought. Hello my little pretty. ;)

Truly ... If it's distraction one is looking for ... a J-O-B is not the only answer, although the elites will only acknowledge such. You can keep busy without such oppressive means to seek an end. In fact ... work as it is today knowns no end! One just becomes an autonomous drone with it's only purpose to spin the economic wheel. However - if your lucky and your able to land yourself a spot ... then for sure ... a J-O-B can alleviate your condition just as pharmaceuticals can ease someones pain. Just be careful of how the need is created ... and that you don't end up feeling incomplete because the need to find relaxing job only seem to highlight your predisposition.

Not something the lucky ones want to hear ... but is indeed worth mentioning.

Having said all of that ... good luck with the job hunting. All the best.
_____________________________

Righto ... have someone turning up this morning to make a purchase!!! Laughing my fucking ass off @ that one, given how I am able to manifest the way I do and I know it really pisses of many who would rather see me fail. Fuck those people too!!!!!

If there is something that pisses of the elites, it's seeing the ill-equiped getting by without their need. Those that don't fit the mold are expected to suffer. However this need not be the case. Once you give up all those BS IDEALS - get rid of all your shit .. all your wants - it's amazing to find just how much we already have. Every time I throw out all my shit ... those things that matter and that I deem as useful always seem to find their way back.

Got to go ... I think I will continue to explore my meaning in this when I come back.

If you wish to challenge me ... the door is open ... come on in. I'll even take the captain off ignore as well as my gloves. hehe

See you soon enough .... PS Dahila ... surely it must feel better working for yourself rather than for someone else? I wonder if we can talk like so without the mention of MONEY. Such an oppressive means to measure someones worth and or purpose. Pfft.


I repeat for those who feel lesser due to such BS Ideal:

"YOU DON'T NEED A → J-O-B ... to give you a sense of accomplishment, a sense of independence and allow you to enjoy your life to a larger extent."

A quote I picked up when re-watching Brad Pit in FURY:

"...ideals are peaceful history is violent."


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rjp-iS3ipq0



Different channel but same shit. It all amounts to the same thing. Competing with nature never wins. Since those BS wars ... our competing has increases and the damage done just as horrific although measured somewhat differently. People are pacified and controlled more than they know.

Knock Knock ... that's my Que to finish editing.

Adios ...until next post.

[Dahila]

I found Szymborska Polish Poet awarded Nobel in English http://info-poland.buffalo.edu/web/arts_culture/literature/poetry/szymborska/poems/link.shtml

Four a.m.

The hour between night and day.
The hour between toss and turn.
The hour of thirty-year-olds.

The hour swept clean for rooster's crowing.
The hour when the earth takes back its warm embrace.
The hour of cool drafts from extinguished stars.
The hour of do-we-vanish-too-without-a-trace.

Empty hour.
Hollow. Vain.
Rock bottom of all the other hours.

No one feels fine at four a.m.
If ants feel fine at four a.m.,
we're happy for the ants. And let five a.m. come
if we've got to go on living.

[Dahila]

http://www.poemhunter.com/rabindranath-tagore/ Tagore all his poems suppose to be there ;)

[Ponder]

Awesome Poem Dahila. I have put those link with the Wiki one from FB under my Poetry Tools. I actually don't mind 4am when I have the vitality to appreciate the silence I find that time to be. Poor Lisa has been longing for an end of late :( Her illness has been sucking the life right out of her with each passing day. I do what I can to commiserate and completely agree with her when she talks about the BS sales pitch of "Living Longer" whilst the sheep mask their pain with costly consumption which results in others suffering under their weight. Who wants to live longer on such a rock. People can mask their pain, but one only has to stop at a set of lights to clearly see it displays on their face. Most people have worn out looks like they are ready to drop. Those that cannot see, live in shallow bliss whilst those more well-equipped are tanked up for longer bouts at the cost of many others.

Not to worry - those links you just provided me with help to ease the pain in way that can last, without the need to blame and shame - without the need to win over or impress someone further up the ladder.
_________________________________________________

Interesting - I just found a line in one of the poems from the last link that can be read both ways into the negative and positive:
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection.
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/where-the-mind-is-without-fear/

I see nothing but the opposite as our society imprints and oppresses ... people into tireless striving with the illusionary promise with an expectation of perfected outcomes and reward.

A final plea in the last line lost in an ideal that means nothing to me, (I am slowly overcoming the beating and abuse from the church - it's kind of robbed me of seeing others clearly when using such religious and idealistic terms) however it makes its point that it's society is anything but free! - Things have not changed, yet this kind of reading can show us the way.
_____________________________

Again .. awesome links :) So glad you have kept in touch with me Dahila. Very much so.
___________

I had very busy day again ... but feel like going to the gym and winding down on the treadmill. A LOT of information I need to now let it all settle

Perhaps another Vlog - to show you my approach with learning this keyboard. I ended selling that elliptical (My daughters impulse buy - Chip Of The Old Block - LOL (Daughter like Father) I went to the local music shop where a young fella helped my pick out a Progressive Keyboard Book. I also ended up buying a few office supplies. I'm pretty much ready to go although I think I will convert all the media from the DVDs (videos and Sound Clips) and put onto my Galaxy Note Seven which has not yet Blown UP! LMFAO once again. Heheheehehheheeeee ... I really need to go for that run.

Sighhhhhh ................. I wish I could remember all this stuff when I go to make a vid. You would see me smiling a lot more in person that way. Between those little vids I do and this here thread, I manage to keep myself balanced well enough.

Thanks again for those links ... Priceless ... I slow down and read more about Wisława Szymborska & Rabindranath Tagore.

Many Thanks.

[Ponder]

Keeping things real ... I'm over all the BS Dahila:
http://anxietyforum.net/forum/forum.php

My morning post for now. Is no worry this end really. The sun is low and the rays are warm. Is as I can see from where I look. On a Skype call with a friend that understands me well. Just going to make a juice, throw on some shoes and enjoy my walk. I come back later and find some more hopeful poems ... at least ones that offer solace.

Just like all drugs ... we got to be careful we do dot abuse. :) hehe.

Hope this finds you well. Perhaps we cross each other's path today ... not matter if so or not.

Here's to wishing you a good day.

[Dahila]

it opens the forum not the post, but i think it is about having bipolar disorder. It pissed me off that thread , what a stupid child

[Ponder]

I certainly meant no disrespect regarding your husbands condition.
_________________________________

Your advice was spot on.

[Dahila]

nooooooooooo D:) not I did not feel any disrespect, no way. If you think I have different opinion than you, you are wrong. all good :)

[Ponder]

:) sweet as ... Music Update:

I am still yet to pick out a Goal Song. I've red that's really important ... having something to work towards. This morning whilst our walking, I was listening to:
Ludwig van Beethoven - Piano Sonata No. 14 in C-sharp minor, Op. 27 No. 2 "Moonlight": I. Adagio sostenuto - Calm Radio - Classical Piano on Calm Radio - Classical Piano with TuneIn.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NPj7M-FE5k
(please excuse the add)

Anyways - I decided then that I am going to choose a classical piece as my main aim to learning piano. I've got a bit more listening to go yet. I've been emailing myself all the ones I like and will decide before I set my intent to 100%.


Last night I made my last book purchase:
50 Most Popular Classical Melodies Music Book for Easy Piano (http://www.themusicshop.net.au/proddetail.php?prod=50+Most+Popular+Classical+Melo dies+Music+Book+for+Easy+Piano)


I also found a place to print out flash cards (http://linkwaregraphics.com/music/flashcards/) and tested myself on a few before embarking on the lamination/cutting out and folding process to make a few sets up. That will take time and I am in no rush. Additionally I in the process of downloading the required software to rip the DVD data, download the codecs to further break down the audio into much more manageable pieces. More so to repeat bars, shorter pieces and play on varioius devices. Sadly slowing down a piece will not work like that ... However I have discovered some software the can further teach me to learn music as well as allow my to slow down the music without effecting the pitch so much. It's called Cresendo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVvLLZlfNsQ).


AWESOME - I that last linked just solved a problem for me. Joining the two staffs together. woohoo. http://www.keyboardforums.com/styles/default/xenforo/clear.png


I also started photocopying the exercised in my progression book. That way I can write my usual spasmodic left handed marks on the page and not worry about marking the book. In the process of do so, I seem to be taking all the information in at a rate that will allow me to start off much better than If I had not taken the time to assimilate. I stutter quite easy when taking information is which leads to all kinds of mind blocks. I am enjoying very much taking my time as I research on how it is that I intend to learn something completely new.


That cord chart came up nicely after having it laminated at office works.
Before I got it laminated → Here (https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5445/30631700035_1ec5e36b50_o.jpg)

That's about it for now - Just have to clean up the rest of the room that was not shown in my vid. I am unable to think in a cluttered space. So ... I still have lots of media converting to do ... pages to copy, songs to listen to and more research in learning crescendo and or finding more software like that one. I think I will post later about that program in my other thread. Making these posts also helps me as it does in other places on the net. I guess it's all in the approach. We all learn differently.


Forgive the long post ... is also how I tend to learn. Perhaps complex and too much info for others ... but is rather calming for me.
__________________________________________________ _______

Time to watch some telly ... :) Catch up later.

[Ponder]

No ambition. Pfff ...LMFAO @ that one. Tisc Tisc is all it knows. Fucking Puppets! Is there no end to them? To them there is nothing worse than educated scum. It is how they think. It's how we are all taught to think - is the extent of our education system. Thank Fuck we have the internet!

Time to till the soil.

[Ponder]

Hows your garden going Dahila. Must be getting cold over your way now? Looks like I may end up with some Green Veggies yet. Going to see if I can locate some mulch tomorrow. Ended up using last seasons compost around each plant. The soil here on the coast needs a lot of babying to keep the plants in good shape. Once I lay down the mulch and they get a little more size about them, I can easy off the watering. Less maintenance then, although it's nice to go out and relax with them. Really enjoyed checking out that poem you last messaged in FB. When you log in, you'll see a few users crying over Debby the Downer (rolls eyes) ... LOL ... I swear he is just upset because he really want's to see Debbie Does Dallas. That's why he is always responding with - Go see a Pro! LMFAO again ... arrrrrrr ... Why the fuck do we log in? Sigh. I think we robbed that poor kid of his self DX. Hands out a tissue. I don't think Kirks heard the expression "Don't encourage them." I think very applicable with most of the self DXing that goes on in here. Poor diddums. What's to do.

Might return to my next ambition - not sure which one to pick.

Hope this finds you well. ;)

Busy Day on and OFF the com ... Good amount of low angled sun ... (although was attacked by the same damn magpie ... really have to try another route)

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzz

PS - Have you been sleeping a little better?

In Praise of Feeling Bad About Yourself
Wislawa Szymborska


The buzzard never says it is to blame.
The panther wouldn't know what scruples mean.
When the piranha strikes it feels no shame.
If snakes had hands, they's claim their hands were clean.

A jackal doesn't understand remorse.
Lions and lice don't waver in their course.
Why should they, when they know they're right?

Though hearts of killer whales weigh a ton,
In every other way they're light.

On this third planet of the sun, among the signs of bestiality
A clear conscience is Number One.

Thx for sharing that. It also speaks to me. Kind or puts into perspective my take on reality. Not that my manner is always encouraging ... but that's OK ... because there are times that is it OK to feel bad about yourself. It's important to understand that. Good share dahila ... good share ...

[Ponder]

My Mentor: Keep an open mind - & don't be a useful idiot. LOL - If you can stick this video out till the end ... then you might understand my definition of BS :)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZAC0PGCQ-k

[Dahila]

Even without video I do understand your definition of BS , Mine is very similar. I posted in that thread so chaotic, I wonder if I should go and delete it. I got frigging upset. The chart is awesome......thank you so much

[Ponder]

I don't think you should delete anything. I understand how it is that many of us feel that way. Best I try do is be more mindful next rime around. I just did my best with my final post in that thread. None of us own these spaces we create so I don't see mine or others comments as derailing. If anything, I believe whole heartedly the topic of work needs to be readdressed. Like most of the ideals and fear that is posted in here. Is what it is ... we all learn in our own way then move on. Hopefully a little more enlightened.

Time for me to go get some mulch before the sun gets too high. I seem to be having doing well with the new plants. I see if there is a good pic later on.

until later ... keep on keeping on. :)

[Dahila]

I had edited my post, this way it is better. Growing plants is awesome, to watch them grow, and flourish. I love it,

[Ponder]

Yep ... When able, I strive to grow my own food. Just made a little video of me doing my mulching thing. :) I upload later with some ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ commentary . :) Is how I keep going. Next I have gym ... then do more with my music learning ... clean kitchen and all those kind of things ... Although I share my life ... it's not just about me. But is OK for others to say of me. If anything I am just more compelled to share the way I do. Catch up soon.

[Ponder]

New Vlog - I've been wanting to create and collect a few vids to create a new playlist - Mental Health Vlog kind of thing. Is an extension of my online journaling. I managed to throw this one together and still get a lot done today. Figured this might be of interest for you and perhaps a few others that don't mind gardening. I reduced 34minutes of footage into several with about 15 transitions to keep it interesting ... also put in a little music from the new online station I now listen to, with some commentary over the top. Should be a laid back watch. No Drama ... I promise :) hehe.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYmsGH3XXbc

Edit - Just created my Mental Health Vlog Playlist. The link is in my Signature. I can't believe how far I have come. You have been with me all the way Dahila. :) I don't think I need ambition - just keep learning how to be me.

Hope this finds you and others well rested. It was a good day today

Time for Star Trek - then bed. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz

[Dahila]

nice, so you put mulch around each veggie, it conserve water and probably improves the soil too. I only mulch around my flowers, especially the summer ones. They are annuals and need a lot of care. Will come back to listen the vid now I am watching. It is early morning and mine is sleeping :)
It makes a different when we lose weight to work in garden , does it not? I have a long way to go but I do not care, I do what I suppose to do . On patch like that you can have a lot of veggies.

[Ponder]

"There's a saying," Ezekiel continues. "The pessimist looks down and loses his head. The optimist looks up and loses his footing. The realist looks forward and adjusts his path accordingly." More on this later:

Morning guys. All in good time Dahila re the weight. What has helped me is Persistence. Making sure that I do something conducive everyday no matter what. Even resting is a part of that. :) I just make sure not to kid myself. Very easy to do as I am sure you know.

Hmmmm there is a quote I wanted to share. BTY - I really love the one currently in your Sig. I find myself trying to resist it, or make excuses. The truth is, the Sun is very much a part of my persistence program. Everyday I make sure to get the right amount or at the very least catch some rays before they are gone. It's really is as simple as that. I can't help but cry out to anyone that is struggling beyond all hope, that all we need do is get up and move, go outside and allow the sun to do it's thing. Perhaps a little vague, but it really is as simple as that. hmmm - The best way to simpliy is to just put one foot in front of the other without a care for how fast, how far once has traveled. Let go of all that invested garbage that we are taught to hold unto and simply feel the warmth of the sun on you skin. So powerful is the effect, that no matter where you are on the planet and how cold it is ... the Sun will always penetrate if we spend long enough under it. Alas - we are taught to fear it. We really need to stop listing to all the BS! Cancer - PFFT - is mostly a result of our degrading food. (It used to be our best defense) If only people knew that half of it.
________________________________________________

Just before I go - I quickly chase up my latest find: Season Seven Walking Dead - Ezekiel: 18:18:00 ← [Thereabouts]
"There's a saying," Ezekiel continues. "The pessimist looks down and loses his head. The optimist looks up and loses his footing. The realist looks forward and adjusts his path accordingly."

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/Walking%20Dead%20Seonson%207_zpsslgpr82x.jpg

Thankfully I stuck it out long enough to come across this guy. I too though the whole script was a joke when I saw a bunch of horses gallivanting around in this ep: Here is a link that details the core of that one really well:
http://www.refinery29.com/2016/10/128098/the-walking-dead-season-7-episode-2-recap

It was the above quote that really connected with me. It almost makes up for the over exposure of our violent nature this shows goes on with. But not quite. I'll keep watching to see where it goes. That quote does sum of the show quite well and puts a new perspective on it that may just keep me there until the end. I know that saying sure does sum up my life of pain and how It is that I am strive to walk under the sun. As simple as I can put that. Interesting how some of these quotes reach out and grab us.

The one "Take from the well, replenish the well." reminds me too much of the Capitalist Christian mentality of "Gota Give To Get" although is nowhere near as harsh or I believe to be withing that same context. The later is used more scornfuly by those that hide behind the moral high ground ... the former I feel is just a simple matter of fact. So in that light, I actually don't the the well version at all. Makes perfect sense.

Righto ...

Today ... I choose to prep more of my music learning aids.

Have a good day all. ;)

[Ponder]

Had a lot on today, but manged to finish the Treble and Base Clef Note Flash Cards today. Took a bit of doing from downloading, printing, cutting, laminating and then cutting again - but very rewarding in the end. Not exactly cheap as chips online for a full set. 48 notes in total. I can say with certainty that learning this way is very helpful. I seem to be coming up with my own way of remember using both acronyms and landmark imaging as well as reversing the alphabet all at the same time to nail the answers rather quickly. I can see there will be a learning curve going from the flash card to the sheet, however I'm confident I'll be ready for that when it counts.


L (https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5582/30669867976_5eba1a5193_o.jpg)aminating them makes the notes stand out more and it's a whole lot easier to shuffle them:
https://c1.staticflickr.com/6/5582/30669867976_645d3f633b_b.jpg (https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5582/30669867976_5eba1a5193_o.jpg)


I ended up printing more flash cards:




Note Values
Dynamics
Intervals
Key Signatures
Rest Values
Tempo Markings
Time Signatures

I'm yet to cut and laminate those - but by the time I do, I'll know a lot more than I currently do. : )
http://linkwaregraphics.com/music/flashcards/



Great way to learn the music!

[Dahila]

It looks so fantastic , and probably super easy way to learn. Thank you for the pic D.

[Ponder]

The plants are in agreement regarding my efforts :) Significant nutrient boost at a sustainable level. Between that and the worm wee - I should be able to work this rather nutrient lacking sandy soil. Yea - Water retention will also be signifgantly boosted, however the sandy soil offers good drainage which should make this combination even better. Is important to lay it thick and pull back from the base of plant as it grows ... bla bla bla bla ... and yadda yadda. I know I'm on a winner crop now. Very happy I will have my own genuine organic greens to juice. This plot t is only big enough for the amount of chard I eat. I need more space for the amount of veggies I consume. Perhaps might look into container growing. See what happens. I have sold most of my stuff for now as am now using "everything" I have. Is the way it should be.
"
https://c8.staticflickr.com/6/5531/30719169055_3ddac3de0f_o.jpg

https://c5.staticflickr.com/6/5498/30418580380_38de78d48b_o.jpg


Below are a few Daisy plants that were cut off from the neighbors plants. (TY neighbour: ) ) I put them in a jar of water for a few weeks then into some plastic pots. They are also doing well. Note the Worm Farms in the Background of Pic. We generally have up to 15 liters of concentrate worm we on hand which makes about 150 liters of natural fertilizer ... I also have a steady stream of veggie scraps for both the worms and my compost bins: (We place the worm farms in large containers that have a shallow level of water in them to keep the ants from getting in ... as the ant can be problematic hot dry areas. Since doing so the warm farms are now thriving)

https://c1.staticflickr.com/6/5664/30418849360_764abb3468_o.jpg

I have a HUGE day today as the house is being Inspected Tomorrow. We take out rental/tenancy inspections seriously. They can be rather invasive at times depending on the types walking through your door and the judgment from such establishments is rather extreme ... none the less ... we now educate others in this respect (re PEERHAPS) so kind of have an example to set. : )

I best get onto that.

Have a good day all. ; )

[Dahila]

Good luck with the house inspection:) the veggie plot is awesome. I had seen the vertical growing . YOu should look into it

[Ponder]

Thanks Dahia. We are pretty well known as good tenants these days. Took a lot of work climbing the ladder - however I feel terrible for those who are regularly discriminated against. Lisa has been helping a lot of people in that boat, but sadly some folk you can't help if they don't pay their rent. Anyways - I'm not rolling out the red carpet, but we generally like to keep the place uncluttered if we can. I struggle with a lot of my electronic, but it's no where near as bad when we had little kids. :) A house inspection is not about how clean you live, but more to check that the place is not trashed and or what repairs are in need. The later many owners and realestates are found to be in breach. It goes both way you see. That's something we love helping others with - other than setting up automatic payments to ensure the rent is paid. Sadly many people just don't get how important it is to pay the damn rent. They don't like the idea of "their?" money being in the control anyone/thing other than themselves. Best thing we ever did was get ours taken out atuomaticly from our welfare payments to pay the rent. I think is a no brainier when on welfare and that everyone should be doing it if in that boat. We helped out daughter with that as well as auto power payments so when the bill comes ... it's not too much.

Anyways ... I best keep on moving.

Yea ... I know about the vertical gardens ... great Idea. I wanted to set up some plumbing pipe ... but have out of funds. : ) - Plus ... happy with the way things are for now. Thanks for the tip though.. Much appreciated.

Hope your having a good evening.

[Dahila]

Yes rent is the most important thing to take care of. You know what it is to be homeless. The number of people here getting evicted is incredible, how someone can put his family in this situation? They still do; alcohol, drugs. gambling, shopping there is many addictions that are not classified as addition.
I do realise that home inspection is rather to check for the repairs than checking how you live . I was renting cheap place for 12 years. I had it too, however the maintance man; an awesome person was always poping in for coffee, we shared a passion, dogs. He was an owner of 5:))
He told me that I am exceptional with taking care of place. I had once home inspection in 12 years before I moved out and it was just checking the furnace and the water heater:)

[Ponder]

Morning D, morning guys. Hope you are well.

For sure D, It later hit me after making my post that I may have implied you thought a certain way. I meant not to. That was more about me. You know how I have kept tabs with 30 + homes. Instability is a HUGE factor that is not considered for those lower down the ladder, just because they have a roof over their head. So many people live in unstable situations that lead to them to self medicate/sooth the way they do. Once again, my comments are just a reflection of myself is all. Raising awareness about instability and mental illness - being - not just reflected by the number of people sleeping in the street is important to me, however I'm not making is some kind of vigilantly quest. Pretty pointless when you consider just how powerful the brainwashing effect is and how many sheep grind the mill. Again ... just my perspective ... no offense intended.

We have inspections every 12 weeks ... if only we had them less but given our society I understand the need. (yet in many ways is needless when looking on at the bigger picture) 30X4=120 - That's about 120 inspections we have had. I'll take 20 of those out as public housing is less invasive. But we have had around 100 inspections. I can easily put those 20 + "way more" back in when I consider all the people walking through due to the house being up for rent, and others coming to look. When I was not balanced like I am now ... let me tell you that was an extremely massive trigger for me and my kids call also feel it being abnormal and invasive as well. Living like this with repeated negative experiences, the indignity that commerce cycle sees not nor those blinded with likewise agendas - SIGH ...

Is no wonder we try our best to help where we can with this particular fractured part of section of society. Just speaking about it makes me want to do more than I currently can ... Alas ... I need to focus on my own stability.

I know you are well aware of these things. Just wanted to explain why these inspections are quite challenging to us. Lisa get's in quite a state which is more my trigger these days, compared to those continually coming around. I try my best not to personalize things like I did in the past. I still struggle, but we are much better prepared these days and know well better how to ensure our rights as tenants, (but can be such a drain) and in turn show respect to others as well. We are such a reactive species ... must be to toxic food. ... I know is surely does not help.

Anyways - Thanks for the spin on the tradesman. I have not had much luck with those, (once more - 100 + tradespeople turning up at all hours unannounced) but you remind me that there are good people our there and the make breathing so much more bearable. Is good to hear things like that. Yea - many people getting evicted is so true. Massive crisis over hear too. I understand well how it is that people take up their addictions as they do - is hard to look on once we are able to get a handle ourselves and in most cases people no longer want to look. I guess that's why that quote on the walking dead stuck out for me:

"The pessimist looks down and loses his head. The optimist looks up and loses his footing. The realist looks forward and adjusts his path accordingly."

I know I keep saying it, but thanks for sticking it out with me D - Please do take a break as I know keeping up with me can be a drain. : ) - I don't know why I keep on plugging away the way I do ... but it does help me for the most part. When I stop being me, that is when the real pain begins to seep back in.

I best keep moving as I still have a few loose ends to tie up this morning before inspection begins. Lisa is going out as we rarely hang about for inspections these days. Is not needed ... just as long as we have met the requirements that we feel meets both parties - then is best not to be around to play the "game" - To understand our perspective you need to experience 100+ inspections with all kinds of people (tradys/agents/renters and so on) tramping through your "home" to truly understand how sensitive this kind of living can become over an extended period of time. I don't expect to be understood, however I do believe there are those reading on that get my drift. I wonder what sports model car and style of clothing this little young minion will be splashing about in this time round. ... Just kidding ... for all the people trampsing on through ... you occasionally get one in a million that might take of their shoes and or say a genuine G'day. It would seem that in this section of society, such dignity is declining with each passing year which really makes it really special when you see others making the effort to show some kind of respect. Is best to look for that rather than the neglect.

Is all good - I just go tie up those lose ends now so they can be greeted with at least a clean house. The other bonus about not being around, is that it cuts our the "hearsay" and forces them to put things in writing. That's a big thing when it comes to the squabbling over $$$ which after all ... is what renting our a house is all about. Sadly - its not really about ensuring stability for all peoples, just as health care is no longer about the people. Sadly many living the dream will continue to look on - with blinkers.

We still dream of the day where we may be able to own a RV and call this kind of living quits. None the less ... it's not all bad. Not once you work out how to play the game. ;)

[Dahila]

12 weeks this is crazy it seems like invading people privacy..........I would not be happy about it at all. They inspect and take a good money for it, I bet .........

[Ponder]

They also now come in after the first 4 weeks as a one off and then every 12 thereafter. With each inspection they take photos of every room. (not always - but many do) Another reason why we don't want to stick around. Rather indignifying to live under such measures. However ... there are ways to view all this and was to overcome the indignity ... BUT ... that's not what this dairy is about. Not today. We have moved onto the next day now - and have a very tidy house. Hip Hip Hooray!!!!
Cleaner than what was required. Takes a bow - http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/celebrity/winning-an-oscar-smiley-emoticon.gif


Glad you liked my other post this morning as I did yours Is important to keep things real as well as patting peoples bums. Spreading sugar really does not help. Alas ... is much easier to do.


Time to charge my batteries - off for a walk.

[Ponder]

Righto - enough bickering for now. Hopefully one day we can all get along and grow. I have finally started my Music Lessons. My daughter also returned my Brothers Guitar to me on my request. (I asked her to look after it for me as I was hurting too much to play it back then - has been a few years now) Is still a little painful, but I think is good timing for me to have it now. I played a couple of ingrained tunes on it and it felt right to have finally accept it. I just realized it was my brothers passing that spurred me on to give up my meds and reclaim my health. That's how long it's been now 2 years since I made that hard core choice. That coming of my medication video I did.

It has been a solid journey since his death. I'm no professional player ... nor was Danny (but he was very good!) - we are both passionate in all the things we do. I'll pick/strum out a tune in one of my upcoming vids.

I'll also play one on the keyboard as well. :) ... but just think more of that as kids play for now. No rush though ... all in good time. Just saying I am tinkering with my bros guitar is all ... that I have it in my room and picking out those few tunes he would r
remember me playing.

The last song he played shortly before his death → You're Beautiful - James Blunt.

RIP BRO: I'm now playing your guitar - is all good :)

https://c7.staticflickr.com/6/5515/30138169214_28ee8f7ed9_o.jpg

[Ponder]

Driving to the big smoke tomorrow - Going to visit my Son. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I try to remember to take my camera for one or two shots. No promises ... I just hope we have a safe trip. I'll do my best, but you know how it is. There is no accounting for others once out on the road. It will be good to see him again. Has been a while since last trip. Night Night.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Ponder]

Huge Day - overtaxed - Samsung forced an update so my phone can only be charged to 60% - some other drama from on the home front with life draining vampire attacks ... SIGH ... Need a few days to calm down and once more rethink my presence in here. Good call on those who have recently left claiming to be free. Very interesting concept. Indeed!

[Ponder]

Interesting read on How we create our own reality: (http://www.mortylefkoe.com/dont-confuse-creating/) Comes from a Ted talk which rarely floats my boat - None the less, a lot of good stuff to glean from this:


All of us, all the time, “create our own reality” via the beliefs we form. Let me explain. A belief is a statement about reality that we feel is true. I say “feel” rather than “think” because we may logically know that something we believe is not true and still feel it is true. And as long as we feel it is true, it really is true for us.
So if we believe I’m not good enough, or Life is difficult, or Relationships don’t work, then we live in a reality is which these statements are “The Truth” for us. As a result we deal with reality as if these statements are true.
If, in the reality you have created for yourself, you really are not good enough, then everything you do, don’t do, or even think about doing, are significantly affected by the “fact” that you are not good enough. The same is true for any other belief you might hold.

Our reality is comprised largely by our beliefs
So what projects you take on—if any—and how creative you are in pursuing them, is largely determined by your beliefs about yourself and life. In addition, each of us forms specific beliefs about what can and what can’t be done. Anything we say can’t be done really can’t be done (it’s a “fact”) in our reality, which would prevent us from even trying to do it.
There were very few things that Jobs believed couldn’t be done. In his reality, almost anything was possible. And he acted consistently with that reality. Very few other people live in a reality like that.
If Change is difficult if not impossible, how hard will you try to change something, even if change is necessary to get what you really want? On the other hand, if in your reality Change is easy when you know how, then potential barriers to you getting what you want are only temporary roadblocks until you tear them down. If change were necessary, you would change anything that got in your way.
If you believe that something is impossible if an “expert” tells you it is impossible, it would make sense to accept the expert’s advice and not waste your time trying to do something that is impossible. If you believe Almost anything is possible; just because an “expert” says something is impossible doesn’t mean it really is impossible—then you will ignore pronouncements from experts.
Although there is a physical reality that must be dealt with, much of what each of us considers to be reality—and virtually all that stops us in life—is a function of our beliefs, not what’s really out there. And because we create our beliefs and can eliminate them at any time, it is an accurate statement to say we, for the most part, create our own reality. Or to put it another way, we create the reality we interact with daily.
This is what I meant when I say that Jobs “lived” in a different world than most of us—a world of his own making. And because each of us “makes” his own reality, it is possible for us to change our reality if it gets in the way of us getting what we want. (See my earlier post on how eliminating beliefs literally creates new possibilities in your life: http://www.mortylefkoe.com/how-to-create-new-possibilities-in-your-life/)

Why this is not the LOA


Is it clear now why my statement that we create our reality has nothing to do with a LOA that states that a concentrated focus on what we really desire, added to taking action when the opportunity arises, will always give us what we want? That is a good strategy for trying to get what you want, especially the taking action step, but I don’t think that approach will “create your reality”—in other words, what you want will not “just manifest” no matter how intensely you focus or how much action you take—if you do it in a reality that doesn’t permit what you are seeking.
Moreover, it won’t even occur to you to take action in a reality where what you want is impossible.

To paraphrase what I said at the end of last week’s post: Don’t waste your time trying to deal better with the “reality” you already have constructed. Change your reality by eliminating your limiting beliefs and virtually anything becomes possible.

[Ponder]

The Steve Jobs example really does not fly for me - as he is a complete alien to me - as too the world in which he comes from (I chose to give it up long ago) - Also I would add to what seems to be missing in the above, that it's just as important to set realistic goals. I think the article does somewhat when it states it's not advocating LOA. (which is Law of Attraction - typically taken as some kind of magic concept where you just think your way into a new reality) None the less - for me ... Contemplating more on ones intent - more meaning ones approach as to why we want something to begin with. WANT is a very prickly word. If our approach to wanting is based on more - than what's really needed - then this could be the reason that many of us are constant looking to change our realities and never quite happy with simply being what is.

Steve Jobs created consumer ideals that are seeing humanity never happy unless they have the latest upgraded model. Just as the author in the above claims to have no connection with Law Of Attraction, My reality seeks to have nothing in common with JOB's who is now dead and went down with a new world updated disease. $$$ is what seems to be the driving force withing most people reality which kind of connects it to Law of Attraction which is what most people "Intend" when seeking to change their failing world and or seek to want something better than already is.

Hmmm Very interesting ... Take it or leaving it. Just thinking out loud is all. I understand how it is one of the other users was crying out over working, money with what's the point of it all; in the Irritated/Annoying thread. I knew when I could not fit in, it was time to change my tact. I become what others wanted to see, whilst at that same time - did and do not believe what the professional require in order for me to be given the means to acquire a roof over my head and money for food.

Simply put, I become suicidal by choice - picked up that petrol can and fronted up to their government office to meet the prerequisite in order to fit a new box. Now that's the power of INTENT - Did I really WANT to kill myself? I think not! CHOICE comes to mind now. Not so simple as there really is a residual pain in this world that influences many of us to land where we are at and see the way we do. A complex affair to be true. The latter dynamic takes a lot of reflection to comprehend, Eckhart Tolle kind of help me see that. Alas - I knew what I wanted back then. To become the misfit that was required to meet the tick boxes on the papers that was constantly thrown at me when I was asking for help. Only different is - is that I do not believe the so called professionals as hinted in the above spiel on the mechanics of creating ones own reality. Even the police knew I was no real threat or cared less, (they see it all the time) yet none the less - I became too much of a risk factor/nuisance/undesirable and thus acquired what I wanted. (I created my own reality - perhaps I should write a book!)For those fuckers to back off and leave my the fuck alone - to stop judging me day in day out - to give me a break from the brown nosing and but fucking ... yadda yadda and yadda ... those who live on the bottom no doubt get my drift. Finally I got the RUBBER STAMP I could be left the fuck alone. It is much easier for me to no longer participate in this fucked up society. I protested - and got what I needed in order to loosen the noose. I have learned to see it not as a disgrace, although those blinded with the BS & $$$ always will. Middle Class wannbees - I think they need to go see a professional. lol hahahahahaha @ that fucking worn out phrase.

No one cared if I was going to kill myself, but they generally do if you affect the space in which they invest. Is why we are seeing more killings on the news. We used to hear more about it on the american news, but now we are too busy being entertained with our own local killings. "Oh Why" comes the cry. PFFFT - Manifests from those who are unable to buy Steve Job's latest upgraded phone , where misfits are thrown the rule book but professional claim they "still" do not fit. It's those caught in the middle that end up going off! Is how new realities are created for those left living. This is one of the more easily felt realities of the worlds residual pain. The media will of course go on to cover the facts where these murderers/members of the public - that that really do not fit (By Products as I have often termed) - are deemed like so as our Reality is constantly influenced by the BS we are regularly exposed too - 24/7. yadda yadda ... and la la la ... I really don't expect anyone understand any of what I have said here and most likely lost everyone back at the petrol can.

BUT is OK - I know well where I am going with this. All this Anxiety - the Social Phobia - the Agoraphobia - the Manic Eps - The Paranoia ... It's as much fed to us - as it is - that we believe it exists. The burning Bus Driver who is now dead, is not dead because of his color, creed or breed as the media and India or whoever the fuck wants us to believe - He is dead because he was burnt to death by someone who had repeatedly been crying out for help. by someone who whilst no longer wanted to live, obviously did but did not receive the help. The sheep start to murmur and the same old BS questions fly - next thing you know ... let's make it a racial thing. None the less, new realities in those that live on. Yet we still all have a choice - we choose to believe what we believe.

I fit the box that's required - in order to no longer participate - Yet I believe myself to be nowhere as sick at those that tick and flick. That there is the factor to finding peace in what I deem to be not just my reality - but to what really is. That's the other side of the coin - Everyone is too busy creating their own realities that no one want to live in the same one as anyone else. (or be like anyone else - individuality to the extreme - me me me) We live in a world that has no room for others to fit within the space of it's growing numbers/members. Our current value system is based up Number One. From there it's all about the numbers and on all fronts ... the final word for folks that don't fit from those who think they know better:

"Go ask a professional."

If your really sick of playing the game and running the mill - Do what I did, Make your own choice & Fuck The World's!

I may be classified as a miss fit that is in fact despised by it's members as rubber stamped by way of mentally unstable/unfit/reject take your pic - but I hold my own as I seek to eat and live right with what I deem fits. I choose to make the best choices within my limits and by doing so I seem to expand my realm far beyond what others wish for such a non-participant. In fact - it's easy to see those running the mill and those puling the strings are way more limited in what they are taught in believe. If anything I despise myself more than more I slip back into their pathetic ideals and beliefs. I struggle every day with it ... say one thing then do another - (although my affirmations keep me rather sane and heading on a good road - just somewhat pissed for whatever reason ... just blowing off steam with this here BS - or rather honest ramble no matter how misunderstood)

Alas for the most part - My intent is good. The family is currently suffering hard and that wares me down - Going to the Big Smoke depressed me very much. Fucking glad to be back by the coast with less people and things abouts. Still a lot going on here, but by comparison... is all good.

Was good to blow off some more steam ... I go out now and get some sun and work on my reality in order that I too can hide like everyone else. LMFAO hahahaha ... just being sarcastic with the latter ... I am very much a realist and I think anyone that's airs towards being an optimist should be able to see that. We all help each other when our intent is good. Some of us help others keep grounded before they float too far away, whilst others pick another up and then of course some need a little floating lest they end up with flat feet.

I go work on my steps.

Adios until next post. Anyone got a match? http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/laughing-hysterically-smiley-emoticon.gif

[Dahila]

Did you blow some steam D? good. I think you feel overwhelmed lately. I do to. Oh I had a bad day yesterday, really bad. I am giving you sign that I am here:)

[Ponder]

Hi D - I feeling pretty good actually. Still editing above as I always do. Cool story ... I like it. I really should write that book.

Srry to hear about your bad day. Yea I had one too. :) Glad for the sign you have left.

I have to get going again. But will touch base soon.

TY - We just Breathe - I hear its good. :)

[Ponder]

Vlog Music Update: hope your feeling better, had a good day this end.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7xwb5rRW7o

[Ponder]

This place is overwhelming D. More ludicrous posts designed to sell and others that pull out teeth.

[Dahila]

I know, I was good did not give ShIIII to him
Are u proud of me? :)

[Ponder]

Always :) D ... I SO HOPE TRUMP GETS IN!!! He will escalate things much quicker and I think that's what this planet needs. I keep telling Lisa that the US knows how to put on a show and sadly, I think the stats are just for show. Although I will be very happy to see that psychopath get in, I will be surprised. Does not really matter which one gets in, but if Trump does, the kids in here will have some real issues to deal with soon enough. :) I don't vote - Got my name removed via unsound mind. Over here they treat you like a criminal if you do not vote. I think the ones not voting over there are doing the world a favour more than they know or would like to admit. I hope he goes to War as soon as he gets in, slaughters the homeless, builds a wall to keep people out and starts persecuting anyone that does not believe in his ideals. He will surely be the man for such things. The sooner the US is known for what it really is, the sooner we can reach a tipping point that will see major change come one way or the other. Hillary will do it too, but just with a lot more deceit and make it a long drawn out process. Like a painful lingering death. She is Evil as all fuck. They all are.

I think it would be an opportunity for the world to shut the US out ... let them live behind their own wall and we unite and keep free trade going. I know it would also be good for the space program as well. More pressure for international agencies to work together and forget about the Americans completely. This is exactly what spiritual leaders (not religious/dogmatic types - they are the brainwashers of such ideals - have the secular types on a string yet they are too blinded to see) are talking about when they say that good can only come after the tipping point has truly been reached.

Go Trump!!!

No doubt - for all his manic eps - he will have others around him that drag it out as well. None the less ... very happy if he gets in!

Edit ... Excellent Result ... Now we just sit back and watch the show unfold. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/horror/best-devil-smiley-emoticon.gif

[Ponder]

Righto - now that crap is over with (as far as I am concerned) I had a good days practice with my music, eating clean, getting my walks in, sensible sun exposure, and happy with new routine down at the gym. The latter has left my rather sore though ... yet I am looking forward to my next session. I'm going a lot more frequent now. I got to say, I have no idea what people mean when they say giving up meat is the kiss of death. I have about as much muscle mass now if not MORE since I've started this whole plant based lifestyle. Each to their own I guess. Just cycling I guess - going through the waves as needed in order to sustain and conserve. I miss the mild winter already. Things are starting to heat up over here. Bit of a heat wave actually.

Time to get my quality sleep. I work hard during my day to ensure my body undergoes the process that drugs simply can not reproduce. At least not something it can sustain without serious side effects. I of course speak from my own experience. This is how I got ride of my heart burn (considerably alleviated my oesophagitis) and the multitude of other "effects."

Night Night. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/sleep/pillow.gif

[Dahila]

None of them should win, it is the same situation as in Canada, we chose justin because did not want Harper,
I think he is better choice than that evil woman. she trully is. Lets leave americanos with their decision, they have right to chose. The world changes as we speak. I hope I am not making you upset. when you have to evils you chose the lesser one.

[Ponder]

Not at all - The world is currently fucked one way of the other. For me it is important to make the best choices within my control and accept those outside it ... up until my very death. How toxic that will be - depends on my invested beliefs ... (something to which I like to keep the account empty) ... no matter how clean our food, fresh the air or pristine our water be. This is why the elites look as sick and evil as they do. The religious folk have to believe in an afterlife because this one is so fucked and they think that gives them the right to do whatever they do. When it comes to rights D ... I don't believe any of us have any rights. Rights are for Victims handed out by Oppressors. I embrace having no rights. It's the ultimate form of freedom. Each to their own. I'm just a spectator - albeit with that imperfect human condition - emotion.

Giving up the illusion of rights, goes a long way to detaching from such a debilitating condition.

[Dahila]

yeah take away believe in afterlife and they are empty like used box of candies...........

[Ponder]

Here ya go - My first two lessons complete. Not perfect and rather slow getting there ... now ready for lesson 3. Sadly it's a religious one. When the fucking saints go marching in. Excuse my rendition of the title. I will have to add some notes for that. LOL


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsvrsC_tnqA&feature=youtu.be

Hmmm perhaps a little too fast? Oh Well - it was played by someone with anxiety. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/music-instruments/piano-man-smiley-emoticon.gif

[Ponder]

Bit late getting to bed as I had to finish up making my bean supply. I order Fava Beans (http://www.nutrition-and-you.com/fava-beans.html)(Broad Beans) online now. I was able to make up 12 serves. That equates to $1.00 au as one 500 gram pack cost $12:00au. I put in 2/3rds of a cup to one serving. There is a decent amount of B12s, Iron, folate and a good dose of fiber. This is like my MEAT - I will have with pre soaked long grain brown rice and on other days I have with sweet potato and or pumpkin.

I'm focusing on getting as much amino acids (avoiding the protein myth) Vitamin Bs and other important high density nutritional food for as cheap (but good quality least/un processed) as possible online. Keeping the combination with healthy fats and watery dense foods in between is working very well for me. Although the Organic steal cut oats is pricey, it's still cheap for a full meal. That too is pre-soaked and I have with a Date Syrup I make, Banana and Raw honey. I seem to be getting some good health returns despite a lot of the hate on grains. The pre-digestion process is pretty much key IMO. No dairy also another key for me - but I know for that ... I'll just say each to their own. Avocados are a bit pricy - but I can make do with pre soaked and low temp hydrated nuts and seeds for my healthy oils on that score. I think I have almost nailed a healthy budget shopping that can sustain someone who is reasonably active and wants to retain muscle mass. All without the need for dairy or meat. Has taken me a long time as such tweaking is an individual thing. Not something I can say would work for anyone else, although would be a good base as I am doing this as someone with no gall bladder. Meaning more ... it would likely suit many others who also have issues with digestion.

Having said that though - a lot of time is required for the preparation ... to deactivate inhibitors and also poisons + unlock more nutrients! Well worth it though.

That's enough with tonight's ramble ... best get some quality ZZZZ to help with the process. ;)

https://c8.staticflickr.com/6/5728/30258523023_6510e211af_b.jpg (https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5728/30258523023_0c6cb2c4ae_o.jpg)

[Dahila]

I love this things but it is too many carbs in it for me, You really wake up my hunger D:) My man loves Fava beans so do I, I always grew it back home. I found that organic, almond milk has 1 carb in 250 ml and 50% of vb12 wich is so cool ;)
I can not have oatmeal anymore......;((

[Ponder]

May I ask why you can't have oatmeal any more? With regard to the carbs, can you not just reduce the amount of product consumed and or increase your activity level? What is it about the carbs - weight gain??? I know you guys were saying somthing about carbs and anxiety, but that seems alien to me. Carbs are more important to me than protein. In fact, Fad Protein Diets are more a marketing ploy (all the latest documentaries and science journals seem to indicate as much) and there seems to be a lot of carb fear mongering going on from what I have read of late?

But screw all that BS assumptions ... I only know what works for me ... Are the carbs impacting your weight and anxiety??? Oatmeal have too many carbs?

I have to admit, that COMPLEX CARBS really help me with my gym work outs as well as my recovery. I soak the steal cut oats for 24 hours in 20+ degrees Celsius. In fact the next morning there is a white film around the jar. I slow cook it in the water I soaked it in. Seems to do the trick nicely. I am not running of late which is my usual means of keeping off the weight and quite surprised at just how much fat I am not putting on. None the less, I do a lot of gym work outs for my age, get good UV exposure (have supported/increased my livers ability to convert D3)plus eat a sunscrean diet with healthy oils, ensure plenty of hydration, and get quality sleep without the need for synthetic inhibitors. Bla Bla Bla and Bla - is full time work but I know the alternative carries with it too much pain that in many cases is not so easily felt. The latter seemingly attractive - but I know it's not. respective, I don't think there is escaping pain either way ... one form is just easier to live with than the other. The other is far too oppressive for me - hmmm - mind *&% ... Just lost the plot.

No matter - I do hope that your well enough? Just worried you might have something more seriously wrong re the carb thing?

I restart my com and go into windows to quickly edit a pick and show you my oats after a good soak.

[Ponder]

I just seem to get more nutrition which I can also feel when predigesting like this. It's probably worth noting, that I should rinse more than I do with the steel cut oats despite claims of less processed foods being cleaner. I avoid washing after a good soak as much of the nutrient level is in the mix! the thing with medications is that they also *&^% up are digestive tract more than people know and or the professionals would care to admit!!! GRRRRRR Fuck I hate Doctors! The most complacent & deceitful fuckers that do more harm than good. Anyways ... where was I? Hmmm - yea ... doing magic tricks to make our processed synthetic foods somewhat edible and unlock what little nutrient is in them:

https://c7.staticflickr.com/6/5687/30785593142_af20e98856_b.jpg

SO - I best get ready for my day. A walk in the smog - cough couch ... I mean along some paddock that backs onto an old guessers check out commune - ahahahahahaha ... lol I must be in a good mood ... actually now I am looking forward to my oats. Srry ... not meaning to make you envious. I research a little because I wanted to know more about your reluctance with the oats and carbs in general:

Complex Vs Simple (http://www.healthline.com/health/food-nutrition/simple-carbohydrates-complex-carbohydrates#6)

That was an interesting read. Very please to say that I eat a LOT of complex carbs and I know they help build my muscle because I don't eat diary or meat. I just changed my weight routine and am packing on the mass once more. In fact I am not sure I like bulking up like a meat head and may have to watch my own carb intake. You don't hear it often said like that. It's all a balance thing to be sure ... even the timings when I eat. Bit like when meat heads have to race towards the locker and take their pills and guzzle down their drinks. LMFAO at the desperation and purists of dreams. SON'T WISH FOR IT - WORK FOR IT!!! bla bla bla ... that affirmation hanging of the wall had me pull up yesterday in between sets and made me think just about what I really wanted. More on that later ... each to their own. I can understand how people want to feel comfortable in their own skins. Just not sure about the focus and the driving force that leads people the other way ... more depressed.

Hmmm where was I ... hmmm time for my oats ... a walk, then gym. more music practice, clean kitchen, see the little fella, check on my daughter, prep some more food, do some gardening, laundry - rest in between, ring a friend, do some stretching - fit in a little casual TV and or surfing ... might even go to the beach. I think that is more than enough in my day. I do well to get all those things done..

This diary and other forums very much help. Is all in the approach. The will to keep living. (no matter how fucked up this world and I may or may not seem)

Adios ... until next post. ;)

PS - D ... is it a sugar spike thing with the carbs? Yea .. that's my guess?

Edit: Note the sugar levels explained at the bottom of pic: GI content - made me wonder if this is why your hesitant with oats/carb - ?
https://c4.staticflickr.com/6/5696/30814062251_4744af70cc_o.jpg

I generally don't but my fruit and veggies organic because of the fucking ridiculous price, however I do buy most of the grains organic online. (excluding the fava beans - they are like $50 a killo - too much for me - "my" soaking process in ACV does a lot to alleviate the poisoning process our wonderful farmers do with that. Not all - but certainly enough to have the good outweigh the bad when sizing up other quick fixes on the shelf)

[Dahila]

when in condition like mine I switch to protein no carbs, my pancreas still create insuline, the body change protein to glucose but slower, so there is not spiking in blood glucose, No damage to organs. It is serious, people who do not take care of their diet end up with sores, infections (especially on legs) and then amputation. When I eat carbs my pancreas try to cover it and creates a lot of insuline which is as all know fat storage. Too much carbs are stored as fat
I love oatmeal but need to take control first then get the blood meter and start to have some and check........... I do eat carbs in veggies :))

[Ponder]

Yep, that explains a lot. Thanks for the breakdown. Good example of different strokes for different folks.

[Dahila]

I got infection on my leg from nowhere and it did not heal so I went to get antibiotics, Doc made me aware about sugar, then I took the test and bum bum it is the reason for thirst and sore,,,,,,,, no kidding it is dangerous

[Ponder]

:) Indeed. I'm off for a whiles ... Catch you in FB - going to recharge good and proper. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/water/fisherman-smiley-emoticon.gif

[Ponder]

Don't know what the fishing is about. Fishing is something I find unappealing. Guess that's how conditioning works hey. I had a really bad day yesterday was all. Thankfully I found myself in lost in my morning routine. Very helpful for those moments where you think your the only one left on the Earth.

[Dahila]

yeah , today I am stressed out cause the market tomorrow and the changes possible

[Ponder]

Yep - There is a LOT of Change going on around the world. Not that we need concern ourselves with those things outside our control. I am sure you will be able to adjust, otherwise I guess you may have to take matters into your own hands - by way of making new choices I guess? Try out the changes first before making any decisions?

[Dahila]

yes I wil, if I have to I will pay more and change the market for the one in city

[Ponder]

I hope many others follow your suite. Especially if the changes are more for profit. I love seeing capitalists greedy fuckers spinning a bad number when it comes to such things. Sadly people are too easily influenced and like us, not so easy to adapt. (more like don't like change - I think you and I have been adapting all our lives - please do correct if I got that wrong?) I think we just boycott we\hen we smell the greedy bastards making alterations to what already works. If only we all did it. Sigh.

Edit - Not to worry - well will get by. We just need to remind ourselves of that simple fact from time to time and then we get by with a little less angst. Let's put on some tunes hey :)

[Ponder]

Had a fairly productive day with my music today. New strings on my guitar, Transcribed lesson three for the keyboard and have that now ready to learn - the theory is taking me a while mostly because of both being a slow learner and having to spend time learning new software. I'm actually going to start playing the guitar as well. I am hoping to find the same songs I am learning on keyboard. That way I can record both and put them over the top of each other and see how that sounds.

Listening to some relaxing tunes on Nirvana Online Radio. (http://nirvanarelaxation.radio.net/) All this talk of music on here of late has got me in a good mood. Made a plays list with mostly 80s stuff and using at the gym. I've been inadvertently massing out. That is to say, muscling up without really trying - but since it's taken hold, I guess I am now riding with it and feeding the muscle to to speak. (is a cycle thing - I'll trim back down soon enough once I star running/pick up the pace in the cooler months [or simply cut back my consumption and slow down in general) In that regard, I now know the protein myth is nothing but - just that ... a myth!!! All I am eating is rice, oats, nuts, seeds and leaves!!! http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/trees/leaf-5-smiley-emoticon-emoji.png I'm also eating a lot of fruit and juicing everyday now. One large juice ... mostly before I go to gym. My whole food routine is too long to list.

I eat pretty damn good despite much of it not being organic. I guess that's one way to achieve a third eye. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/laughing-hard-smiley-emoticon.gif I guess I can always do a chakra cleanse if it pops up in the wrong spot. ... chuckles ....

Arrrrr - I go make that tea now whilst I wind down some more.

In Case I forget - I hope the markets go/went well D!

[Ponder]

I think I will just finish off my night by saying, that despite my eating clean, exercise, hobbies, and my regimented routine ... that no matter how healthy I get, I still struggle with anxiety and depression - I just seem more able to deal with it for the most part is all. I really don't think any of us should be living in fear just because we live with predispositions, less than ideal lives and what not. I'm scared as hell about many things everyday ... some days I feel like giving up, but then the next I am fine again. It's not a case of being manic, although many will ascribe it like so ... Do Not ... is sometimes just how the wind blows is all.

Today I gauged myself at a set of traffic lights. Not in my car though ... standing at a busy intersection waiting for the green walk sign. I generally don't wait. I'll shoot down the side of the road so I have less chance of being run over as I strut across with a "could not give a fuck attitude" and make my way across like such. Today I stood their with a couple of heavy shopping bags in hand. I had my 80's tunes on and whilst I still had "I don't really give a fuck"attitude ... I felt pretty good! My tanned skin had a sheen to it and the sun felt nice and warm despite being fairly hot. In short, I was feeling pretty pumped and ready to do some more music when I got back home. This was my third "airing" for the day. I'm going out for shorter bursts but more frequently. The result is less taxing and makes the day go pretty quick - yet I seem to get more done.

Well ... that's it ... on a good roll so will finish my tea and put this monkey mind to bed.

Adios ... until next post. ;)

[Ponder]

Codependency really sucks. I need to read up more on this. I'm feeling very lonely of late. :( I just can't do anything right and my wife keeps reaffirming how different we are. My brother now gone and ties with my mother and sister permanently severed - Well ... just thinking about being all alone is part and parcel of the symptoms of a toxic relationship. It's a systemic issues with my kids as well. Whilst I am trying to keep spirited and not allow myself to be dragged down, my persona is unwanted on all counts. I'm considered too erratic; however I feel perfectly fine in all that I choose to do.

I can only factor in my wife's illness which has led to her own mental instability with mood swings and depression. Having said that though I fully accept my own condition with being needy and all others likewise codependent traits. Having no one to love or accept one for who they are is something that really cuts deep ... especially in such an insensitive world. It's all pretty scary stuff. I've been putting up with a LOT of cold shoulders for a LONG time now.

Just saying things are getting pretty lonely at home and I'm starting to get scared for what lays down the road.

That's about the size of it for now.

PS - I found myself wishing to be hit with lightening today whilst outside running in stormy conditions ... I also wondered what it would be like to push myself into a heart attack. Is not a good place to be ... but I am sure It will pass ... I seem to always bounce back. Just not sure about this growing codependent thing and the ongoing cold shoulder ... the ever growing distance that seems to now be permanent between my wife and I. It passes where we can be civil ... but the coldness always remain where intimate contact of any kind is rejected and then when stress ensues - negative remarks are made that lead to more depression, shame and blame. Not sure if any of this makes sense ... so will leave it at that for now. Perhaps reconsider this at another time.

I did need to get if off my shoulder though. Not sure how to deal with it. I wish not to blame anyone ... like I said ... it really sucks. I just wish we could all get along. hmmmmm. ??? We all seem to be feeding of each other. Out of fear I am sure.

[Dahila]

D your situation is difficult, very, I have no idea how I would deal with all this. You know I am strong, but I think you much , much stronger than I ever was.
Loneliness, we are all lonely. I know what you crave and it is not much. Sensitive people need hug from time to time. I was very close with a couple of people years ago, they were mine support. From the moment they seen me on Markets they come regularly to give me a hug and just smile and talk a bit, then they do their shopping. It is heartwarming. My daughter hit the car so hers needs to be fixed. My DH will do it, but I got many hugs from her and kisses. I was craving it for ever. You know how it works in my family.
I think that people who depend on you so much stopped seing you as one who needs the hug, or a soft whisper, I love you dad, World is crazy everyone wants to have their emotional needs fulfilled at the same time forget about other's need, Does it make sense D?
I start to wonder maybe age is catching up with me. :(
You do know that she is changing? she is dealing with such pain and probably fear too. .........

[Ponder]

Thx for the response D. Yes - that makes sense and I'm acutely aware of the other things. I think it's all coming back to a balancing act, without the act. To be seen more in a mode of being and less apt to react. The irony I see with codependency is that we live in a society designed to make people dependent whilst painting the illusion of individuality. That in itself is insanity. Age will catch up to us all. How it affects us is really up to us. Letting Go of relationships is only one part of the answer I feel. Letting go of limiting beliefs is more important in my book as to do so, makes connecting with others more real. Unlike the host of untouchable reflections spawn from shallow ideals. The latter our world projects constantly to which is more than likely the worse codependency relationship that we should all be more concerned with.

None the less, I had a good read on the subject of codependency last night and going to apply a few hints and tips that I have gleaned. To assist living with, rather than run! We have enough people running away and using such philosophy to bury their heads in the sand. Learning to live with self seems to be on my mind once again - yet something else that is not encouraged this day and age. Is enough contemplation for now ... time to start living the rest of my day.

Third Keyboard Exercise Coming along well.

[Dahila]

what would I do without you? It would be disaster, it is disaster when you keep silence, I am depending on you to understand me, and so far you do a damn good job. ;) We give each other as much support as possible. I wish I could talk somehow to your family with my deck of cards and explain them what is needed to be done. Of course deck of cards is always when I need to show something to people. They open up:) I can say more . but it is not possible. I keep Lisa and you and your family in my heart I really do. The struggling you all go through is something I do for so long. We will be ok D. One day it will end :) We have short time when compare to 15 years olds suffering.......

[Ponder]

:) Have a nice day D - & Everyone else!

[Ponder]

Busted a blood vessel after my gym workout:
AKA- subconjunctival hemorrhage.
https://c4.staticflickr.com/6/5732/30904603011_8fc0368e0d_n.jpg

Time to relax now - No more positive thinking. ;)

[Dahila]

Man when lifting close your eyes, always. It will pass
Today I printed my blood tests results and all of them are gooooooooooooooood such huge difference with the ones from 3 months ago, it is difficult to believe it. My cholesterol is now IDEAL = the lowest risk of heart attack, no meds, just Keto diet :)
I do not think she will offer me the pills, ................ :)) hehe
The A1c is From 6.5 on August is not 5.8. Still a long way to go to go lover than 5 but I think I can achieve it:))
I am so very happy today :))
BTW Kirk is losing it , you just kiled him with sexual frustration........................ I can not stop laughing,,,,,,,,, sorry Kirk, I know you are loorking her

[Ponder]

http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/word/congratulations-smiley-emoticon.gif That's awesome news D!!! Very pleased for you. You worked hard to get those results.



YEA how about that ... Kirk kind of walked into that one ... first you lined him up with the Keyboard remark, then BAMB - Sexual Frustration Issues no revealed. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/rolling-on-the-floor-laughing-smiley-emoticon.gif

Seriously - That really is FANTASTIC about your results. That has to really spur you on to make your changes lifestyle now. As in ... your now enjoying the changes that were once a hard to make? That is how much of my changed have now become for both Lisa and I.

Thanks heaps for sharing that with me. Are you back on your bike at all? No matter if not, just curious? You must be feeling better when thinking back before you made all these recent changes so many months ago? Is good you have been making the effort where you know you can in order to reduce and in some cases come off your meds. The young ones could really learn from your efforts!

[Dahila]

I am not on the bike, hm it is off for winter, we have 4C so too cold, my main exercise is up and down the stairs, especially I tend to forget why i went downstairs, when I got to my workshop it is 24 steps, so count I do it like 20 times a day:)) My dH is always laughing at me for going up and down , up and down.
I am trying to be nice but the hypocrites drive me crazy. The dummy thinks that talking about sex is not good. We are not giving any facts on forum. The man is crazy. Hey maybe he suffers with paranoia ?
I love Gypsy, I had opportunity to chat with her and she is the most feeling and intelligent people I know. Another is Frankie , you remember this sweet woman , do u?

[Ponder]

Yea - Good ol Frankie. I remember drawing up a couple of tattoo designs. Remember that. :) Couple of palm trees and a setting sun. Frankie was really cool. Very supportive with lots to offer.

There are a lot of things people do not face on the forum other than medication and their labels. People just want an easy ride. I think we are to real, which is kind of an irony given one recent outcry about so many fake people about this place. Sigh. Refereing to end letter game - Rolls Eyes.

HEY ... not meaning to go off topic and also not a very cheery topic, but have you seen the netflix doco on "Dog Meat!"

https://c6.staticflickr.com/6/5791/25384222869_46ab6bf510.jpg

Have been feeling drained today - (as you know, have been very active of late) - not pushing myself today ... just taking it easy, although I had the little fella today. ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Think I am going to boycott all things to do with county's that eat dogs. Even if they could justify is (which to me they cannot) the conditions are way worse than those who are already under fire for the way they handle cattle. I say fuck the mentality of eating animals point blank. But ... that's just me. It really hits home once you learn just how much you don't even need meat.

Rant over ... early night tonight ... looking forward to another night of well earned sleep. lol @ earned sleep - WETF that means. ;)

I spare the other images ... no one wants to see how the poor animals are treated that they eat. :(

Edit - Srry to rant on like an activist (which I am not) ... I respect other peoples values - but many are in for a rude shock when the fish supply run out around 2030 (very sickly food source these days research filters of filters Toxic &YUK!) and water availability declines beyond (30% world's supply used just in raising beef alone) ... bla bla bla ... but who gives a fuck - Right? Not till the shit hits the fan hey? More record Heat Waves breaking last years mile stones ... but she'll be right. Jesus will save us all. Fuck the planet ... who needs it ... right?

[Dahila]

Korea is the worst famous dog festival. It is tragic. I wish i could substitute something for meat but everything has carbs so I can not. Everytime i see the pics about dog meat festival I cry. I am absolutely crazy about dogs. I will not go into details about it, it makes me sick.
We are awful the farming of animals any animals is just horrific ................
The scientists already grow meat in labs, I am the first to eat it, instead of animals.......

[Ponder]

I hear what your saying. We all have our own journey. ← LOL is becoming an out of tune that one. There is something weird about those Asian cultures that eat dogs and also treat them the way they do. I guess it must be the pinnacle to one side of their Yin & Yang philosophy. Although I don't see how that kind of carry on adds to the harmony of the universe? At any rate, they must be hungry and the spices must be as addictive as our junk food. It is what it is - but not enough people are seeing the extreme brutality for what it be. It may upset someones meal on this side of the planet, thus like most other global issues remains unseen and or cops a blinkered response with a few well meaning prayers. Thank You lord Jesus - OOOOshcaBuddadiSundieeeeiiii (just thought I would communicate to the angles as well) ... Leave it to God ... "She'll be right mate!"

Anyways - Moving On.

Have hurt my shoulder now. Pretty sure I did when I busted that blood vessel in my eye. I am pleased to say that is at least healing very quickly. :) Arrrr Man ... why did I sign an 18 month contract. 12 would of done. 9 months to go. Like I said before it was a good start to a new challenge - but this whole new lifestyle really does not require me to use a gym. I got to tell you D, nailing the process of watching what I eat is the most important single discovery I have ever made. When I get that right, most other things just fall into place. Not everything ... but it does pretty much seem the base at which all else spawns from. I'm still refining it to my own complex issues ... that is to be sure. One of which is still quite painful for me when I do not get the mix quite right ... and that can be something that takes days with one slip a few days back ... GRRRRRRR later on ... then it's days on end correcting that of those mistakes. Smiles ... at such a thought. I will become zen yet at what my body really needs. I'm still struggling with various addictions ... mostly taste that leads into less than agreeable choices and or amounts. Having said that though ... I'm acutely aware and still always learning heaps on how to fine tune what is needed.

They GYM has bee a little too much on that menu as well. My ability to exceed myself with the output of energy is something I really need to watch. I already know that well controlled eating does not need copious amounts of "exercising" in order to lose weight. However in saying that - a well controlled activity plan does exceptional well to keep me level headed.

DAMN KITCHEN ... Sigh ... I do that after my keyboard lesson. "Oh When The Fucking Saints Go Marching In!" LMFAO that I am still on that tune. I think I nail that one today and record tomorrow or at least by the weekend. I hope that's the last fucking religious one on my music book.

I think that's a wrap ... My new mission is to back off the gym workouts ... consolidate my portion control and continue eating clean. Will work on creating more recipes - simple ones at that. The other things that kind of sucks when caught up in the while "GYM" phase ... is the requirement of more food. Eating to push gets old and tiring (ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz) compared to simply eating when in need. The former is more for looks whilst the latter is much quicker and easier. Leaves me feeling more sprightly too. :) The thing about looks is OK if it does not go to your head - I have to be careful as no one is immune to the vanity affect. Especially this day and age where image is everything. In fact - whilst the mirror is good for form, it's more a bane to me as I like many others - keep pushing more as a result of seeing myself all pumped. Tis a fact that does not worry me to admit. 90% of the people that walk past the wall of mirrors can't help but look at themselves. Again - perception is everything and no doubt different to everyone. For me, it's the self admiration that I note within everyone as they strut and look on when passing their own reflection. Kind of puts a new light on how I bust my blood vessel and did my shoulder in. LOL - is what it is. Sigh.

The same cycle can be found in the whole eating experience to be sure, how fast and far I run as well as how much sun. You get my drift. A balancing act to be sure. So it is that people who are eating clean, can be just as sick as those eating junk. I think more on this as I now take on the new challenge to reserve my intake, step back from the mirror and embrace my running shoes. Hmmmmm - yea ... I think is time to start running again ... early mornings too with mild walks later on. See where that leads in the energy dept.

Now that's a wrap - Over & Out! http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/hello/good-afternoon-smiley-emoticon.gif

[Dahila]

Welcome to the club of sore shoulders. Thanks Dahila I have that magical pain killer salve I make ;)) Unbelievable how effective it is. One day I could not lift a cup of coffee or type (:( the next I almost did not have any pain today I force myself to remember to put it on.
I went to gym for few years and never again. First of all every time I hurt myself, shoulder , ancle, calf you name it. I always cleaned the f****** machine like insane, I seen sweating people and imagine what is on the handles or the screen.
I do not miss it. Not the friging idiots who pumped their muscles like crazy and moving the head like a turtle to see who is in awe at their achievement
yeah eating maybe difficult it is for me, to say not to carbs, no easy.................not easy at all. It is worth it though.......... Today I noticed that my level of energy is so high. I think my body finally got rid of the poison I was for the last 5 years ; gabapentin............. ;) Life is good D. Life is really good.
You are going to run again. Yeah you should. I can not run cause to much on the front, I hate running. But I do love fast biking :)

[Ponder]

LMFAO → "....and moving the head like a turtle to see who is in awe at their achievement..."http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/rofl.gif (http://www.sherv.net/) ... I am stiches over that comment. Yea - I really need to get out the gym or find one that is not so inclined. The need for attention comes in all forms and is rife no matter what gym. Remember when I said we become like rats in a cage. The gym is no more than an extension of that.

Yes - Life is good D ... Such realizations help me see this. TY for saving me from Turtle Neck Syndrome. LOL Is very funny, I can't stop thinking about that one. heheheheheheheeeeee.

Yea - I will be more like trotting instead of running. I want to be careful of that too. See what happens. I actually still thinking on my approach with that. Defiantly dialling back my food intake and energy expenditure for now.

Please do let me know about your biking adventures when weather allows.

[Dahila]

I am happy you like it, D is so cold not on Saturday is going to snow...................no biking, Now I am thinking what to eat, It is not as easy as it seems. You need a lot of energy to manage all , be careful with it:)) I am glad yhou do not have turtle neck syndrome, In all people you are incredibly build, I am not kidding. It was there always, you just needed to get rid of some body mass:)) good good

[Ponder]

LOL - That's a very nice way to say it. TY. hehe. It's already there, you just need to peel back a few layers.

Here is the latest update on our neighbours BBQ. They use is to make pot ash. We only rent. Have informed the council who have passed it off as a civil matter. The fire brigade is waiting for it to burn down. It won't be long now. Have updated the new photos to the real-estate. Sadly I don't believe they always keep the owners informed, and then of course some owners wait until it's too late. If it was our house, I know it would be a straight forward small claims issue. Is crazy. No matter ... I just share as yet more stupidity in the world. Thinking of storing my dry mulch against that part of the fence to bring it all to a head:

https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5753/30928227161_f9ddde656d_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/P82fpT) https://c4.staticflickr.com/6/5554/30928225811_8a7b403eea_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/P82f1B)

https://c4.staticflickr.com/6/5784/31042275195_82ed7b159f_z.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/Pi6LVi)

https://c4.staticflickr.com/6/5731/30928219691_6ee27ef8e3_c.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/P82dc6)

Some Mother Have Em. What idiot would build a BBQ against a wooden fence?

[Ponder]

Interesting take on Sugar and Skinny Fat ... Yea ... it's a presented by a Raw Foodist, but don't let that stop ya gleaning something of worth. I am still steaming. :)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipGKOsXIxCA

Night Night ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Heads Up ... might have some time for FB tomorrow ... will check in to see if your on ... understand if not.

Here's another one for the skinny ones among us: (Skinny Diabetics)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0VoSMV9JQQ ← More educational than the first one I linked. Funny - I like this guy. :)

[Ponder]

In Case you missed it in the above post - the following video is EXCELLENT in the hints and tips dep't for losing weight. Pretty much how I lost 30+ kilos and kept it off for years running now: (Is a life long Fix - Not a quick one)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0VoSMV9JQQ

LOL - Don't let the cover image scare you. Truly - is a good watch. Trust me. ;) (despite the sales pitch and the ending agenda - the info is quite solid)

[Dahila]

hm interesting. D do you know that in India most of people are vegetarians, a lot of them are suffering with diabetes ......... When you have time just look at this : http://burnfatnotsugar.com/index.html
You do not know that when i was in my early twenties, and under the influence of Mahatma Gandhi, I went on vegetarian diet. It was for almost 24 months. My health failed so much that to go back to decent body function took me another two years, Then came the kids, and I was like high energy, very slim (5"4 120 lb) and it was like that till the time I started on meds for depression and anxiety.
The last changes I made are tough but the level of energy is very high, from 7 am to 11 pm ;))
I am carnivore not doubts, I am trying to switch my DH to it due his high cholesterol very high. He is very slim so it is not his weight. I always took all claims about lowering it with ie Atkinson diet with a grain of salt , but the changes in mine. After eating that way (almost 3 months) I have the best cholesterol I ever had, HDL up Ldl lower
Of course I wish I could be vegan but it does not work for me:( not with my insuline resistance which I got eating the wrong way............. As long as your diet works for you it is awesome;)) Hey we are food obsessed now or what?

BTW I know few idiots who build barbecue against the wooden fence, I have one on my left side, my suppose to be smart neighbour. Idiots grow like weeds

[Ponder]

I have to admit that I get a little confused about the idea that a plant based diet is something counter productive to insulin resistance? It's often used to over come such disseises. Vegan & Vegetarian Terms are so misunderstood and the reason I try not to use them when referring to what I'm aiming for. When I do, it's more of a joke. Whole Foods - Being more the transition phase into Plant Based Eating - which is how I believe they end up with the term Whole Foods Plant Based Diet - which really is not a diet at all. Bla bla bla.

Yea - I'm now well aware of how people who eat ethically with a club mentality can and often end up sick. There is quite a lot of research that needs to go changing ones lifestyle as well as time to adjust. The definition of sick is also twisted by many who are still in denial; not that I am aiming the latter towards you. (Absolutely not) My camping buddy who goes to India quite a bit and differs in his opinion with how sick the average Indian who eats mostly a plant based diet really is. There Population is HUGE. In his mind, most living in the rural communities generally do better than most westerners.

Here is a great vid that explains the why many raw eaters look sick: (Going Raw is on my agenda :) - Just not something anyone would want to rush into )


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECZbpC1DfUg

I recently heard a comment about the HDL & LDL thing - "Ideally you don't want any high levels of Cholesterol!" Context was in a Netflix doco on how the medical industry comes up with "measurements" designed to minimise - HDL & LDL being one method among many that down plays just how sick westerners really are. This was important to me, as I was once caught up on all those read outs. No offense, but now I see all those tests as no more than a distraction.

I go watch your video recommendations now. I've been hearing a lot on "don't' run" Sustained Cardio is bad for you and so on. As much as I like to run, I'm open to hearing all the science and starting to learn that there is indeed a taxation system within our bodies when it comes to energy expenditure which is why my plant based eating is very important to me. The same thing happens when we eat as well. Choosing the right one for each to fuel or allow for rest is not so easy, but I'm learning.

Just saying is all ... but we all learn from each other as well. I know I've picked up heaps from yourself. :)

[Ponder]

Hmmmm - Forgive me. I forget people have their own conditions that warrant their own approach and medical intervention. My Bad. :(

I should know better as eating Raw is not so easy for me having no gall bladder and a messed up liver. The transition is not the same for everyone and in fact, many people will do better on different diets as opposed to everyone being on the same. I can be such a hard nut at times and forget myself when speaking out like so. Please take my posts more as me talking to myself like a lost soul at the bust stop kind of thing. It won't be long you know. I figure if I am left to myself and or when ... in the world, I may very well end up doing such a thing. But is OK ... hopefully I will have my tripod and camera to make a YouTube vid... For my 6 fans. :)

[Dahila]

I will post later D :).........
right now is later

I tend to get obsessed w diets or changing my ways too. Right now I am base what I eat on the results I get. They are significant. I always wanted to eat nuts and veggies. To hard on my stomach. For years docs were giving me meds without testing my stomach. I had to ask for a test. Yup and there it come as millions of hyplori bacteria. I had to go through to sets of antibiotics to cure it, Unfortunately my stomach tissue is damaged ........... eh doctors
the best food for me is lightly cooked veggies,,,, and meat ....... imagine
I am so curious how you did with third vid..........
Came back to say HDL or LDL cholesterol the numbers do not work actually, the size of cholesterol balls is more accurate to diagnose if is risk or not. But the test is expensive and they do not send you for it. When the cholesterol is high and from small and tight molecules, it is not risk, but when molecules are huge and soft it is , the balls attract fat to change it into plaque , it is not exactly that way , but the idea is here ;))

[Ponder]

"I am so curious how you did with third vid.........." Not sure what you mean? Cold you ask me again - I am feeling a bit slow today. :) Must be the leaves. LOL. Just kidding. Which Vid and what do you mean with how I did ... the ones you recommended. Still been to busy seeing Lisa off is all. I hope to get time later. I don't expect anyone to have time to watch the ones I also linked. Just do it for my own good most of the time. But yea I will watch for sure as the less I need to do the better. :) I'm going back to less is best. I've been stretching my tummy a little too much meeting the intake needs for "exercise" in general.

Thanks for clarification re the rest. ;)

[Dahila]

you are practising the new song? I am curious for the next video :) I will watch but do not know how long I can take it before I cry;)) no just kidding. I have some friends for India and it looks different for different people. There are such casting and difference in life styles.......... what was my point not many people in India eat meat. They still get heart attack, strokes all the diseases we do.
Human beings are omnivore and we should eat everything. look at the apes, they eat meat to, they quiet enjoy it.
Of course meat is not easy accessed for them, so they must eat nuts, berries, termites. I actually love to observe three kinds of animals. Apes dolphins, and cats, Each of them gives me different view on us as extraordinary species.
I am being sarcastic at the moment. I think you should listen to your body. When we are too strict with what we eat, we may collapse. this is why i do give up with some cravings but have a small portion. 90 % dark chocolate maybe a 1 g a day, it does give me the good feeling, I had such small piece that it did not do any damage to blood glucose, The craving is gone for a few days.....:)easy peazy
The first video is wrong eating meat or fat do not cause diabetes, that old concept. Eating sugar, processed foods with a high addition of carbs and corn syrop will cause it, The body do not have capacity to use it for cells so it goes to storage. Storage=fat, inflammation of interstitial system and pressure on all organs will cause insulin resistance. It still should be checked because different foods are causing DT2 in different people. I will watch the next and maybe put some of mine;)

[Ponder]

:) Thankfully I do not claim to have all the answers ... in fact I made a new disclaimer which you can find in the description of my latest Vlog (which I hope you enjoy) Is not so easy think if front of the camera, but I am getting better at trying to just be me. We will all find the best way for ourselves ... Pain & Age will help us with that. :) Cravings suck ... I am glad if you can make them go away at anytime. I reply in full later ... going to do my gaming now ... need to unwind. Is awesome to have a friend like you on the side. You inspired me more than you know to get that keyboard. I think my next exercise will be much better as I believe it is not a Bible Thumping Song ... none the less, something in me kind of enjoyed playing the shit out of "Oh when the saint ... Bla Bla Bla ....

We catch up soon ... tired FB ... but I guess your in need of your ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzs Sleep well ... also best wishes to others currently nigh nigh land. Sweet Dreams:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ktlb-Ljlc_o&feature=youtu.be

[Ponder]

I thought I would add some more fuel to the fire. LOL - Just kidding. Is always good to share these full docos when I find them: Have not seen this one myself - will watch it on my telly I think. I profess no rights or wrongs about it. Just keeping an open mind to whatever claims. Hope this finds you well:

Full Length Doco:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pjkC71exKU

Found an interesting play-list as well:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0skpCZqjNw&index=3&list=PLdYGTPK5ivwE3Jv_RYUGpA0bM17F3yDPw

[Dahila]

I wish I could eat raw and i do whatever is possible, I am not kidding. The concept is not new to me. I think opening the place when you can sell food targeting diabetics would do very well as the disease is kind of epidemic right now

[Ponder]

Oh - It's industry to be sure. Just how they corporations want it. It's more addictive than any elicit drugs to be found.

Yea - Not new to me either, but I do find going over the issues more than a few times very helpful for me. I always find something new each time I go back over what I read/watched or listened to before. Is how I learn. I am repetitive that way - but I don't mind. I lose a few friends along the way but such is life. I mean not to bore or annoy them. :)

I'm now back to new challenges where If I had not reassessed my situation I would of kept sliding backwards. - Is easy do in current climate/environment & history of addiction as has been the case and is how our world works) I think more on this later - might make a boring video on it. :) lol ... all good - just kidding. I do need my serious moments - I don't mind those at all.

[Dahila]

Do u think it is a long corridor with a lot of door, you open one door and there is more ...................All systems are good as long as your body and mind agree with it.
I am stressed out today, I do not even know why............

[Ponder]

I'm srry to say it like this, I think it's more like a pit that people have been pacified into digging, and then find themselves without an escape where upon they are layered on top of each other whether they agree or not. I think none of our systems have evolved whatsoever. Same shit - different channel. RIP and not meaning to minimize such atrocities to which undoubtedly our worlds anxiety has spawn from one generation to the next. Denial - Denial & more Denial. Only difference is that people now choose to line up and refuse to see the bullets aimed at their heads & or the graves they have just dug.

Sigh - I hear ya ... I hope your stress passes soon enough. Srry that today I am not much help.

I am half way through watching:
Einsatzgruppen: The Nazi Death Squads

2009 Doco on Netflix. Given my connection with it all (rolls eyes - The whole Jewish thing!!! Perception all fucked up re the christian spin and likewise BS - whole family is quite fucked up but so is the rest of the world ... not much has changed on the inside of people ... just a lot more deception, illusion and new pacification techniques ... drugs drugs and more drugs (in many more forms - chaos sold under the illusion of peace) not so easily seen [additions, wants, greed and all those kind of things ... yadda yadda) - I've watched many a doco on this type of thing. This one is like a French Presentation (I think - not sure ... but its with English subs and a foreign dialogue with some of the interviews in English as well. (srry if that makes no sense - basically not your average idealistic romantic BS type of thing - eg History Channel cough cough)

Anyways - not many people would watch this kind of thing ... is too Negative ... bla bla bla. I have no issue with the truth - yet I still see many simalarites as to how much of the hate as carried on ... the bitterness and so on. It's still very much alive in our world and very much embedded on both those who worship a divine being or some BS flag that calls upon the name of God when it suites them ...even those that don't even believe. You know those ones those that worship imprinted ideals. Even the atheist that hate on others not like them.

I'll say this much though ... for people who think they have it hard in here - Go watch some of the real docos (preferable this netflix one - pictured below) - If you have an ounce of compassion - it will surface and you'll feel less consumed with self. Woers Me ... bla bla bla. Worked for me. (at least for now - every bit of insight helps - even the fleeting moments of light)
__________________________________

I know you can handle reality D - I'm all good. Going for a short walk, then will watch the rest. I will find some good at least with the contrast of such. Whilst our choice may appear limited and largely influence by many outside forces - we still have a choice. I know how pacification works and understand how it is that the majority simply lay down at let their end come. Choice gets a little complex there ... but I am sure many question this aspect of what took place then. I think in many ways now ... we as a species are just as disadvantaged ... I only hope that some of us can make enough of a connection to go out as peacefully as we can.

Hmmm Yea - I'll ride with the end on that. No matter who we are, ya can't ask for much more than that. Especially if we have to come back and do it all again. Naaaa FUCK THAT SHIT ... Just as oppressive. Make no sense to believe in that shit either.

Ya wont get many people on flikr wanting to look at these pics - Best doco on the subject I have watched ... and I have watch many on this topic. Very glad I decided to watch it:
Be sure to watch current Netflix version - with the subs!

https://c4.staticflickr.com/6/5694/30990056531_004b48f140_z.jpg (https://uk.newonnetflix.info/info/80134093/s)

All Good.

Did I say I hope this finds you well.

PS - I kind of going through carb withdraws atm ... :) That shit can be as bad as sugar in many ways ... depending on the type of carbs of course.

Adios ... catch up soon.

OH MY - Srry if too much Debbie Downer - I'll try to keep the next topic on fairy floss!

[Ponder]

Just to finish on a positive note - I found the following website to have a good spin on eating "mostly" Raw:
http://www.incrediblesmoothies.com/raw-food-diet/100-raw-food-diet-vs-mostly-raw/

The transition is hard for anyone! I am going to include some steamed food such as sweet potato and wild rice as well as legumes. (wild rice is not actually a kind of rice)
Found a good article on that as well:
http://wholegrainscouncil.org/whole-grains-101/easy-ways-enjoy-whole-grains/grain-month-calendar/wild-rice-september-grain-month

I'm really happy not to be going hard core on any one thing at the moment ... it's still a challenge ... but more realistic for my purposes.

Now I can just play around with the timing and layering. ;)

[Ponder]

In reference to Cultural Negativity.

If we do not allow ourselves to feel the loss of others, then their loss will soon become ours. This is the residual affect of the worlds pain. (The Pain Body - re - The Power Of now) The more we see ourselves as separate, the longer the whole remains infected. The way in which suffering spreads is not unlike disease.

Is good for me to think like so the next time I cross negative people myself (inducing those who are positive) ... as for all my frustration and venting in this here thread ... I do air towards practicing what I preach. rolls eyes @ the latter. When finding words is either hard or inappropriate, sometimes a simple nod will do. (without the trying of a smile) Often it is the over exuberance of positive antics that misinterpret a persons natural state or being as negative when really is no more than a simple contrast to ones point of view - more over invested belief. In other words a less judgmental view that accepts the other as an equal negates the all to often reflected and thus perpetual opinion of what is positive and what is not. Right, Wrong and all other likewise forms of absolutes. To reason is another story - just fleshing out the context of compassion and understanding as it relates to the non-judgmental approach I always hear jon kabat zinn go on about when looking to free our minds ...so too eckhart tolle speaks of this among a number of other well known gurus.

Yadda Yadda ... This also works on a microscopic level - as opposed to some one's world view. Healing begins on the inside where we can then pass on the light to those who only know the dark. That way walking in the shadows is not such a bad thing. The more we take on and relate, the more the dark gives way. Alas Nature works in cycles ... We can never have the day without the night. Soon the night gives shelter from the day as the light is not always what it seems.

Yes sireeeee ... That's why ideals suck ... the human language as is - in it's current analytical form is way too incessant ... too political and too philosophical. The latter now being more academic as too the case of even spiritual.
______________________________________________

You know what D ---- .... I think it's time to call our alien friends.

What do you think? We notify them re the draft plan call the "Knowing (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knowing_(film))" That way our kids will be safe and we can put an end to this earth.

Sounds like a plan. I watch the rest of this doco ... then will no doubt be making that call.

No worry D - we soon find peace. Not long now. ;)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHw8URgDvxM

[Ponder]

https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5726/30310230313_eb4eb7933f.jpgI guess I could try some poetry once more, but figure I will move onto lesson four. First I record a proper version of lesson three and add that to my audio playlist. Man … that doco was a hardcore watch. It kind of makes you wonder what people are on about when talking about life’s lessons. Hmmm.

I’m not trying to bang any drums here. If anything, I’m trying to soften the pounding that often takes place in my head; incessant thinking and what not. If people can tell their harrowing stories in such a fashion, I figured the best I could do was at least listen. Is why I decided to watch – instead harp on about it being positive or not. I digress that post on “why positivity does not work for me” in the depression thread.

None the less, I find no harm in a good romancing of one’s thoughts, but in that process being careful not to lose my mind. I guess I just like to be the one that comes up with my own creation as opposed to being constantly led. That be the more healthy contrast to when I say… “BS historical presentations with their own idealistic agendas”

I smile now – because I use the phrase, “Time to find a positive experience!” So it is that I really can’t cling to every word – YET, how clearly we do when we fight. “But you said …. Bla blab la …. “
Time to take myself for a walk.

Don’t mind me D … with all this deep thinking and what not. Put this all down to my dietary changes. :)

[Ponder]

Veggie Patch - Vlog Update :)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjtAMX7LhOE&feature=youtu.be

Have a good day all.

[Dahila]

I scanned and will go back to it, so many good points, You started to sound like me; not long time left, we will manage somehow to the end. Yeah aliens should come shortly :))
I had kind of good day at market today :)
Last night was awful, I went to sleep early but woke up every hour........... like at least 6 times, I am tired like a dog now

[Ponder]

Glad your day at the market was kind of well. :) - However srry to hear about the tossing and turning. :( I hope you have since got in some much needed rest. Don't worry about keeping up with me. I have enough fuel to keep me burning for quite some time. I have a good rest myself half way during the day. I should have more grandpa naps like that. hehe

I'm going back to my soaked oats and steaming. I ended up in a lot of pain as soon as I attempted 100% raw. I'm going to nail out a plan ... that's tailored made just for me & not some "other" WAY of doing things.

Not much to report today. I came up with an interesting response on Youtube. I might of missed the meaning of the other's comment - but I think we both had interesting points:

https://c8.staticflickr.com/6/5321/31128941175_d94de3f7cc_o.jpg (https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5321/31128941175_d94de3f7cc_o.jpg)

That about sums up my day. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzz Here's to hoping I won't be in so much pain tomorrow. My scar opened up this morning and when that happens that usually means a week of pain! Still have 1 year to go ... but not relying on the doctors. Some day I will nail the magic mix and preparation of my meals. Who would of thought after eating so much junk food, that is would be such nightmare when going back to processing REAL FOOD! Sigh.

[Ponder]

Here - something for a bit of balance hey. :)

Nice little package in 37mintues. No right or wrong for me - but plenty of insights to be had. Love the section on DMT


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7B96xNDJAU

Now it's time for sleep ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Ponder]

In Recovery Mode http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/spiritual/meditate-smiley-emoticon.gif

[Dahila]

This is beautiful and every point in it so right. Not only aboriginal people call earth mother, I do too. It is our mother, and all are connected.
I think we are a parasite, we not suppose to but it happened somehow......... D. we are on right track, we are
I am so sorry about your returning problem. This is why I do not go on raw diet. I am too old and my stomach will not manage it, I think the best option is to 50/50 for optimal benefits. Cooking very ligh, rather steaming than cooking.
Bok choy with mushrooms and chicken breast , it is what I cooked today, I cooked stew too, having my man in mind, the problem is i forgot to get spaghetti for him. You know I do not touch grains anymore. anyway he really enjoy my low carbs cooking and he is starting to eat more like I do. It is not cheap though but I think we can afford it. No vacations, no restaurants. We have clothes and shoes to last to the end of our life. House have everything we need, kitchen got extra large fancy fridge LG , and is almost empty now;) we spend only for food , gasoline, meds if needed and bills.............. I think you would enjoy my food today, I put there a lot of garlic too, and my oregano
I m still thinking how the heck I missed that documentary Gaia is Earth.............:) thank you so much for that, you just put me into recovery mode too :) Better night but not so good either. It will pass

[Ponder]

Glad you like it ... I will have to reply later. Just need to log this one in and move on. I need your permission to move onto exercise four as I am having trouble giving it to myself. :) Is just a midi recording straight from the keyboard onto SD card. I will record proper sound once I actually come across a song I like. (it is me hitting the keys ... I pretty much have nailed those chords now) This one I well and truly played the living shit out of!!! Is not officially done. :)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaU3Evyzx0w&feature=youtu.be

Morning post to BB kind of sapped me ... heading off to the gym to recharge. I later come back and fall into deep trance after properly reading you and then making my reply. hahahaha ... just kidding. Your Awesome D.
I for sure reciprocate soon. I got to go ... http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/thanksgiving/running-turkey.gif

[Dahila]

I love it and shared it with a few deserving people :) I am blubbling about my cooking am I not?
Fantastic; oh today I enjoyed so much my day even I had done not much.
Yes I knew that thread BB's is going to bring memories of your bro but u made a beautiful post and it is important ;) 1841

[Ponder]

You found the running chicken as well. :) Srry I have not reciprocated in full of late. Feeling a bit down with the up coming Xmas Saga. Will post when I have cleared my head a little. Hope your still feeling will enough.
~Dave.

[Ponder]

Vlog - Blame, Shame & Guilt Part One:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrDrlUyJpMQ

[Ponder]

Vlog - Blame, Shame & Guilt Part Two:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1ZPykjJcvw

[Ponder]

Righto - that's enough of the above for now. Music has taken a back seat as family preps for the Xmas rigmarole. Have many miles to prepare for. Went and patched a few things up as noses were put out of joint re arrangements and all. Back into the gym tomorrow (had a day off) and massive clean house is on the list as well. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Dahila]

I am not going to do anything for xmas, I did for my whole life so not anymore. I am going to give an envelope with money to my grandchild or take her shopping and that it..........screw the preparations, I do not even eat this things anymore .................I am not gonna make it

[Ponder]

Yep Yep. I'm just going along with it to keep others happy. My other kids have no transport and would like to front up at the usual "gathering" point (typically held by those who see themselves above everyone else) ... They have not attended for years running now. Mostly due to the BS topics that leave most of us feeling more depressed then when we left. It's just that two of my kids will soon be relocating to far away places.

Truth is, even when I am able to front up all zen like - it's a difficult occasion to endure. At the end of the day I know it means a lot to Lisa. Therefore I try as best I can and of late often treat it like just any other challenge. Having said that though, I'm not professing that I am much of a success. Far from it. I am however improving my zen skills with each passing year. :)

I can tell you though, now I have no "extended" family anymore - Mother, Father, Sister & Brother ... it's kind of changed things for me.
__________________________________________________ ________

I've been over Xmas for years and every other holiday celebration like it. My only preparations are just going along with everyone else. This will eventually change when the others no longer need their hands held. The long trips will also be too much on Lisa soon and we'll slowly start dropping off a few trips. I am sure her parents whom rely on everyone coming to their place will eventually accept that everyone need to attend. They have been the stars of their own show their entire life with everyone running after them ... it will not be easy for them to accept, but I'm already seeing how it's sinking in. The old guy has become bitter in his retirement and his political banter has become worse. This is why I am practicing more zen than ever before when having to take Lisa & the others on this trip.

But Yea - Xmas and all likewise BS events died long ago for me ... in fact I have never really experienced them.

Having said all that ... I do wish those that get happiness out of them the very best. No need to be a buzz kill with regard to others. I'm done with all the hate despite keeping things real for myself. Each to their own. Commiseration can be such a bitch. I think is best to enjoy what ever we can.

I know for many this time of year ... that will simply be a quiet time at home away from all the cheer. :)

[Dahila]

Last Xmas eve I made 12 pounds of soap, the best spend time ever ;)) it is the same for me, regular day, no tv with jingle bells ............and other bs
I shared on my profile that I just go tickets to for Nutcracker, my grandchild is performing. She is in competitive dancing. December 18 is a big event and this is the way I am celebrating Xmas:)) the best way

[Ponder]

That's awesome D ......... http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/dancing/michael-jackson.gif← Here's to the next 12 pounds of soap. :) - Please do let me know how that event goes.
__________________



___________________________
I am playing keyboard again today and seem to be doing well without listening to the tunes. That is to say learning just to play the beat from the sheet music. I am however still writing down the music "letters" above the notes. I think that is OK as I am slowly getting to know them at any rate and it does not stop me learning the beat notation. Is all very slow going but I am glad to be practicing some more today. Learning 3/4 time - Waltz. So many more little lessons to go ... but getting there ... is going to take month ... maybe 6 a least to finish this book. See what happens.
___________________________

Rapid Change and Contrasting Just some notes for later. I am in deep thought of late. I promise not to spoil balance in here though.

[Dahila]

Whatever I studied I had to put in in writing some notes, this is the way I learn, when write the main points ;) whatever help you I think is ok it is better than ok:))

[Ponder]

Hi D - Here is the Latest drama down at one of the local disability employment services. The ones that send people to work - those who struggle with anxiety and like wise problems as well. I tell ya, they are so compancent these days and just make working in a broken system all the more harder. Drama is as follows ... no off my back. ;)
__________________________________________________ ____________

Hi -

I know it may not be your dept, however you may be able to help me direct my complaint
to the appropriate person?

It’s about an incident that took place at the employment office on the blab la bla aprox 10am regarding My Daughter. I left the office in an outburst due to the way we were both treated. The following is my complaint. Perhaps you could pass it on?

It was not easy to write and I am still in a state – the fall out is quite toxic at home … none the less I will just pretend your hear and make a cuppa. : ) Is all good. I think the information still needs to be passed on as this kind of things just makes things worse for all the others who are being treated the same.
______________
My daughter retrieved the wrong address to a job interview. Felling pressured due to the amount of tensions she has experienced with other case managers at community solutions (her previous self-employment efforts with partner not being “good enough”)and the possibility of being “breached” – we immediately drove back to Community solutions to advice that she had the wrong address.

“Who gave you the address?” Was everyone’s reply. My daughter had trouble thinking in the state she was and of course not knowing the answer - then and there - in all probability would of then felt (in response to such a question ) that this miss communication was her fault.
Why start on the path of blame – when the poor girl already in distress?
My daughter felt she still had to rush to the interview – I attempted to explain as her only means of “transport” that I was needed elsewhere and that the proposed time given was not going to suit, I was rudely cut off – Given the cold shoulder – Side stepped – pushed to the side, so to speak.

I protested to explain I had not finished communicating to which came the case managers replied with the “You’re not my client; Speech” The fact is, I am my daughters only means of transport when public transport is not available.

I also made a very good point before walking out the door … Why are they sending someone without transport to a job on Island/ offshore? We rang the local transport company and told us they have no service to the ferry?

So not only is my daughter being sent on a wild goose chase then being asked leading questions that lead to blame, she is also being sent to a job interview, to which she has no means to turn up to work???

As for being rudely fobbed off in front of my daughter whilst still talking; that’s toxic and all too often is fed back. The follow up phone call with the “are you all right” speech … only exacerbated the problem with my daughter now blaming me. The case manager played greatly into the latter with an undermining attitude towards myself; my daughters father & at that time, her only means of transport.

This incident and the way the case manger handled it is nothing short of a massive trigger, for both my daughter and I. I can only imagine what kind of state she ended up presenting herself at such a poorly organised interview.

You’re supposed to help, not make matters worse. Stop sending your clients to the wrong address and jobs they have no means to get! Don’t demean the clients with questions that lead to blame, cut off others like myself who are trying to communicate relevant and important information and above all make sure your clients have means to turn up to these proposed jobs.

If in fact there is a school bus that may or may not attend the fairy within the time allotted for proposed work … you would have been better to inform “your client” beforehand, rather than lead them on a string.

I ponder to think if this issue is systemic.

Regretfully :(
Mr bla bla bla
__________________________________________________ ____________________

I tell ya D ... fucking Idots ... not how family and support people are quickly dismissed these days. Quite pathetic relly, when you consider their dealing with people who struggle as it is.

Oh well ... My mentor friend who was helping me for the last tow years was high up in that office. He will be interested in this sort of thing. Sometimes things don't change till you stand up for yourself.

Have a good evening .. hope you get some good rest.

[Ponder]

Of course there is always the fact I should of not walked into the office. I just hate they way they treat the kids!

[Dahila]

oh it must be awful. they do not deserve such treatment. You should not go there, sometimes we have to help them but they need to manage themselves. I imagine the pain you are in right now. We would take all the pain from them, if it was possible.
Imagine what i went through for 7 years with my child being in extremely abusive relationship. I was suffering so much, I could not do anything. She finally made her decision. I was with her all the way. Eh D. you have no idea how much pain she was in, then I too. We all suffered with her.. even my partner.
I had moments; planing how to get rid of the abuser....... I am so sorry you had to go through this, give the girl the warmest hug from me , please. She is a beautiful human being and with parents like you and Lisa she will be ok, be patient. I do understand , I do so

[Ponder]

Yea I remember you sharing that. Yea - I normally stay well away from those cogs in the wheel. I typically go in ready to rip them all apart which does not help. I will have to stay well away from being involved in my grandson schooling. However will support his mum when it comes to the victimization that typically takes place with "systemic" cases - labeling and then the ensuing Atypical BS prescriptions. Turning a blind eye to that is very hard. Thankfully his mum knows well how the complacency and passing of the buck works in relation to all that.

I went out and had a feast on Chinese food today. Fuck It! Although I am sure I will be paying for it later though. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/toilet/pooping-on-toilet-smiley-emoticon.gif

[Dahila]

oh..............................

[Ponder]

Today's Reading:

So D ... How's my day going to pan out :)

https://c4.staticflickr.com/6/5503/31202185275_55e66f0c4e_b.jpg (https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5503/31202185275_6deabeef50_o.jpg)

[Dahila]

should be pretty good Ace of cups symbolises the love, not only physical, I think your son will surprise you with something nice, not necessary physical;) Death is a change, usually for good stuff in this situation it will require some effort on your side to achieve.......... shoot
something about your problem , maybe they move appointment to closer date
however there is definitely a change, do not despair it could be good change:)
Does any of your sons like math?

[Ponder]

Hi D - I can say one of the Sons is pretty smart, but that's about it. Thanks for the feed back.

Whilst I have heard the Death card does not relate to Death in the literal sense ... It is with great Sadness that I report that Lisa lost her Nanna today. :(

Lisa's Nanna used to look after her a LOT whilst her parents both worked. She had a very close relationship with her. I guess that has brought about change for her which I am sure will affect us both in some way. Perhaps a door open to Love in some form or other. It's been lacking for quite some time. Yea - today I am feeling better with my "problem" but that's a daily event often effects by yesterdays happenings ... who knows ... a closer appointment date would be awesome.

Thanks again D

I go see if Lisa is open to a warm touch. We catch up soon.

Peace to you and yours.

PS - It does feel a little eerie or surreal with how I just felt compelled to seek out those cards and then the sudden change taking place like that. Is what it is I guess.

[Dahila]

do not analyse, Not very often Death is symbolising physical change, where is death there is a financial burden so the math came right here, I still think younger one wants to tell you something. Hug Lisa from me, a lot may change now..........

[Ponder]

Yep - Yep ... Hence ... is what it is. I made a phone call ... thanks again for the heads up

Hit the Gym twice today and added some more 80's classics to my playlist:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1DwTcSlgqs

Starting to spread my wings on the treadmill again. Is a good way to clean up the lymph system and of course ... racing thoughts.

Was a good movie that one above hey? You ever see or heard about it? Might download it later and give it another watch.

Take Care.

PS - Use Headphones - Heaps better. ;)

[Ponder]

Vlog Waking Up & Setting My Daily Intention:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7s_HvsiYgpo&feature=youtu.be

I think I already linked that clip/movie once before. Must be dementia setting in. : ) Yea routine hey. Is good to create one no matter what’s going on. It works for me. I may not always get what I want done, and sometimes I might achieve more. I know that when I am consistent, things like my successful vegie patch gives me a good feeling. It’s the same with the exercise and healthy eating. It’s easy to tell when you’re on track or when not. Other thing is not to see these things as chores. The latter is a bit tricky when setting the intention though.

In the beginning when changing from a debilitating and depressive lifestyle can be extremely hard! Maintaining also takes a lot of focus and will power. That is how each of my days is like. I to keep committed and ensure I am hitting the right levels within each facet of the reality that I create for myself. It’s important that I reveal this side that goes on inside of me, because for all the external stuff you share or show others, what’s going on in the inside can be easily overlooked, misunderstood and in many cases ignored. Put the text with the video and then perhaps you can see our judging demeanour quickly obscure the more meaningful aspects within ourselves and others.

I am slowly getting better, but I really do struggle with a mass of thoughts that race around in my head. If I am not careful I can easily injury myself by not knowing when to stop - re my incessant need to push myself physically which is a form of self-harm. Sometimes I want to bring on a heart attack because I know I am easily capable of doing so. Of course I want to keep living – Just saying when I trigger too many times in one day for my tolerance level that’s when I tend to take things out on myself. That’s another story. Generally I do pretty good and making the best out of a bad situation and that’s a good way to live. Especially if one suffers with a lot of anxiety, social phobia, agoraphobia, depression and what not. All those things are OK too … just elements within the big pot.

Is good for me now though because I know what I am doing today and the fact I have set the intention has me feeling confident no matter what.

I have already altered the order of things as just had my breakfast, slow cooking the beans and just uploaded my Vlog. The V-logs are really helping me as well. That’s another project I am working on. Right now I am just doing a LOT of them to get used to being in front of the camera. I want to later talk more about subject things, but with practice – be more objective when doing so. Everything I do, I do with purpose … that is the key to success … for me at any rate. I would only add to that, that I need not have to have the answer when others ask “What is the purpose of Life and you even my own” – I just do and feel as best I can. So it is there D – that we move on without the Analisys. – YET – Self-reflection is entirely another thing that can bring much reward. I best get on with me Day!

Have a good Day ALL : )

[Ponder]

I share this as well before moving on once more → Funny Interview with Aussie Hero Daniel on The Today Show:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZQNHRC85p4

Time to keep moving. ;)

[Dahila]

it is nice interview, the way he speaks made me laugh:))) thanks D

[Ponder]

God Damn it! My fucking shoulder is hurting again. It's becoming like hitting my head against a brick wall. Addictions Hey!

[Dahila]

instead of talking about my shoulder :a' God Damn it! My fucking shoulder is hurting again. It's becoming like hitting my head against a brick wall. Addictions Hey!
It does hurt, I think it is age for me and whole my life I had worked very hard..............

[Ponder]

Surviving the Narcissistic Parent: ACoNs (Adult Children of Narcissists) (https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/2013/04/14/surviving-the-narcissistic-parent-acons-adult-children-of-narcissists/)

Excellent article on the topic. This describes the tragedy of my mother and as well as the ensuing tragedy thereafter ... including my sister, brother and myself. Now I don't want to become targeted as someone who's simply blaming one's genes, but genetics and environmental factors do very much play a part to not only my own issues; but the worlds.

Excellent read at any rate. Good for everyone in the family to read. ;)

[Ponder]

Srr D - I miss that last post of yours. Yea AGE sucks ... but has it's merit to some degree. Helps not to be in pain to see and appreciated that though.

For me was and is a mix of Gym Addiction combined with the little fella sleeping in the bed with me last night.

If you have not already, I recommend checking above link I just posted. Was a good find. Marc might of got something out of that ... to which extend I have no idea but I think he would of found something in it. I think most cultures coming our of WWII and most other conflicts ended up this way.

https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/2013/04/14/surviving-the-narcissistic-parent-acons-adult-children-of-narcissists/

[Ponder]

First Contact - Captain Kirk's first words → "Sounds like you have anxiety, go see a physician!"

24 months Later - Alien ambassador commits suicide resulting in UFOs coming back to eradicate us all.
http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/horror/alien-abduction-smiley-emoticon.gif

Nice one Captain.

[Dahila]

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[Ponder]

http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/sleep/sleep.gif ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Night Folks.

[Ponder]

I'm still in stitches http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/roflmao.gif I think I love Kirk ... I really needed a good laugh this morning.

Sigh ... I'm off for a run because I can.



Adios ... until next post.

[Ponder]

Jack would be very pleased with my gardening skills. :) Now picking the leaves ever two days.

Plenty of plants to take the odd leaf from and then the smaller ones quickly grow - I replant once the new sprouts are limited in size. I still got plenty of re-shooting for each plant. Only just started harvesting. ... but man .. how tender and tasty compared to that crap in the shops. "....mmmmmm MMMMMMMMM!!!

I just love how that most things I do ... I do very well!!!




The rain combined with the compost mix I spread around the base of each plant (and fine sugar cane mulch!) has seen me only give them one hit of the worm wee thus far.
I basically just add water once every three days now. Easy Peasy!!!
https://c5.staticflickr.com/6/5500/31222746956_52008fc9f3_b.jpg (https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5500/31222746956_3f9a0dd579_o.jpg)

[Ponder]

NOW - I go for that run. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/fighting/hair-fire.gif

[Ponder]

FUCKING AWESOME RUN!!! :) On with the show ...

[Ponder]

I have been OCDing on the Piano with the first 4 exercises I have learned thus far - http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/music-instruments/piano-keys-smiley-emoticon.gif

The 4th lesson was a little waltz tune. I actually like. I reckon I could play the 4 lessons on camera now. You see whilst I am extremely competent in many things, I also have to master many on order to move on. :)

It's a slow process and very repetitive ... but I am starting to enjoy being able to move about whilst playing. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/thanksgiving/turkey-dance.gif

Thx for the motivation Kirk ... much appreciated captain.

[Dahila]

Hey that crazy.
I had awful day at market just made the booth pay. I am pissed and sad, D. What going on with captain? the way he posts, each sentence in different reply window? Is this some kind of disorder? beside having physician complex

[Ponder]

1st and foremost - Srry to hear about your day. That sucks! I know what that is like from when I was selling cheap electronics at the markets. You have lasted way longer than I did. I hope it picks up again real soon.

LOL at OCD with the reply boxes. Maybe a way to get the post count up I guess.

Perhaps he should go see a physician? http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/sick/doctor-smiley-face.gif

[Ponder]

Keeping the Doctors @ Bay:
https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5589/30461755993_e5a8f4736e_b.jpg

[Dahila]

What I should call my thread , we have yours now Kirk corner with two replies of others, and ten of his............what do you think about Dahila zoo?
The veggies look wonderful, nothing beats the freshly harvested and eating it:)

[BlessedBackyard]

Your garden pic looks so lush and delicious. Between a drought and freezing weather, my garden has mostly gone kaput, and your photo reminded me I need to get some greens. I have to remind myself to eat them...not a big fan, but I overindulged in a bit too much stuff over Thanksgiving.

If you're sticking with the pattern of alliteration, how about Dahila's depths, deck, dock, daybook, digest, or discourse? Though zoo probably fits better around here :)

[Dahila]

hheeeeeeeeeeeeeee BB you are incredible, such wise person and funny too. Well I was just kidding. It is always nice to see you BB. ;) I hope you are getting better :)

[BlessedBackyard]

hheeeeeeeeeeeeeee BB you are incredible, such wise person and funny too. Well I was just kidding. It is always nice to see you BB. ;) I hope you are getting better :)

Ha! As much as I talk to myself each day, I should start my own thread so I can type to myself, too. Mine would be called the Backyard Barbeque, because I want food to be involved. And thanks, I'm doing well right now. I seem to follow a cycle, with 2 highly anxious weeks followed by 2 more manageable weeks.

[Ponder]

LOL Dahila Zoo – hehehehehehe …. Are you serious – Kirk has a diary? I hope it’s for real and not just a joke? You guys should really consider the motivational benefits!

BB It’s great to see you. Thx ever so much for popping into my thread. It means a great deal to me that I am not the only one talking to myself … although It’s pretty obvious I like the sound of my own thoughts as well. Point is … I always have room for more than just myself and it can be such a lonely place all by myself.

Some great journal names you have come up with their. Seriously, you don’t have to go that deep with it … just a few snaps of whatever hobbies or just a few quotes and a place to rant or ramble from time to time. Just pick a section you feel reasonably comfortable with and post away.
I like to keep busy as you know (although do not like that term so much) – active perhaps in both the mind, body and soul – la la la yea yea yea … My diary helps me helps to keep thing on track for the most part as also to help me with creating new paths and all that kind of thing.
I got to get moving actually … I also love food:

http://www.nutrex-hawaii.com/what-exactly-is-spirulina

https://c3.staticflickr.com/6/5691/30460308594_2348468c15_b.jpg

Now I also have a table spoon of Raw Honey in all that with a chopped up Banana. Sometimes I'll even even throw in some of my home made Date syrup. Especially if I am going to be active ... which I usually am of late.

Catch up soon guys. Link me to be Kirk's diary if you can please D. :) hehehehe

Seriously ... if you have any goals in mind or want to fine tune a routine ... start an online journal ... works for me.


Thx again for popping in BB ... you have made my day. :) Her's too - BB's BBQ!!!


Adios ... until next post. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/fighting/hair-fire.gif

[Ponder]

Thanks for the link. Let's hope it helps.

Huge day today. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Dishes done. Smiles @ that. Still needs putting away.

Lisa not doing so well ... Losing her grandma has really effected her. She is flying down to Sydney on Thursday for a couple of days. I would of gone, but we can only afford one ticket.

I'm completely knackered tonight. Had some thoughts earlier but they now escape me. To tired to dig them up ... will get some quality ZZZZZ as earned from a hard days work ... living life under my own regime. :) ... as it should be!

Night Night.

[Ponder]

YEA - Watch this Kid - then find a hobby: (is what I have done all my life - it truly works for me)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qs35t2xFqdU

Fuck Them ... we create our own destiny without them. Leave them to squabble and beat the other kids ... all we can do accept this life for what it is and move on ... BUT DO KEEP MOVING! Moving is key!

[BlessedBackyard]

The ingredients in the oatmeal don't sound too bad, but it looks like the Swamp Monster could emerge at any moment...

[Ponder]

I got to say it's my favorite meal of the day. The ingredients are excellent on the scale of nutrition, but YEA - LOL @ Swamp Monster. I agree completely with that assessment. hehe I actually take great care when adding all the elements that go into make that meal. The spirulina powder and almond/soy milk I used does not like heat. High lvls of heat whilst retaining flavour (unlocking) kills the live bacteria. I like all my food as live as possible - Alas ... I still get benefits from cooking and whilst some foods active antinutrients when heated also break down my food so that my limited digestion can adsorb the good with the bad. It's a science research project for me to find out where the line is when heating certain foods..... bla bla bla ...

So it is that I just slowly heat up my soaked steel cut oats (which D got me onto ... thx D!) I soak for minimum 24 hour and use the solution I soaked them in. I love how when done, the steel cut oats have a popping sensation ... the texture is awesome. I only add the other ingredients when its just below hot and on the way to cooling down. I sometimes add chia seeds, flax meal and other assorted health foods and then add extra almond or soy milk ... Organic when I can afford it ... or my own special home made almond milk which actives more nutrients and neutralizes things like phitac acid/anti nutrient .... bla bla bla ... all very important stuff for someone with a broken and or AGING anatomy.

I'm feeling pretty good this morning ... I got HEAPS done yesterday and I even put away all the dishes from last night.

Here I took a few pics and stitched them together to show off THE COMMAND CENTER:
https://c3.staticflickr.com/6/5573/31158840082_d88682c1f7_b.jpg (https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5573/31158840082_8ff701a9bf_o.jpg)

It's not the best pic, (Photo-stitch with some parts of the pic missing) but gets across the main tools I use and use every single day. This is my medicine. My wife uses a lot of supps for her condition MS multiple sclerosis - Despite eating very clean, it is sad to see my wife slowly decline with such a crippling disease. None the less - Lisa knows her condition quite well and does a good job staying away from conventional methods that often bring about a lot of debilitating side affects that can be just as bad if not worse than the primary illness.

Anyways - It really is a full time job trying to stay well when living in a world of so much stress and toxicity. We are very lucky that Lisa is still able to do a little online work. If not for that - we could not afford to eat the way we do and that really makes me sad ... to think of how many others out there whom also are unable to eat clean. :(

Most of the people on Youtube into clean living and eating are quick to forget about the many who simply can not afford to live this way. I have to think very hard on how to keep things cheap, but not toxic. Is not easy with so many company's that lie about what they put in their food. It really is as blatant as that. Quite fucked actually ... but none the less ... learning to use less toxic words also helps. What we put in our boddies whilst effects how we think and feel ... there is still also a power that can help us live of white bread. LMFAO @ that latter. Is amazing what can be done when we seemingly have little choice. Just being body aware can lead us out of bad habits no matter how much we don't have.

Hmmmmmmmmm - on that note ... time for my walk ... get some low light before the sun starts to bite. I got a sun blister on my face ... I need to be more careful. We are such fragile beings - despite the many who think they are invincible. Aging surely is a curious thing. More so humbling I would think. Looking forward to doing my oats when I get back.

Once again - I can't underestimate that power of clean living (within ones means) Just giving up the junk food, sugary drinks and drive throughs can do amazing things!!! Just that alone. Please consider doing so for your own health ... that combined with slowly cutting back ones meds (pill cutter @ a ratio of 10% each fortnight for 20 weeks) will help one to start actually utilizing the nutrition in food, see one's metabolism start working again, enable weight loss to take place, do away with debilitating side affect and ultimately see one regain their health to a point where they can ... not only breathe once more but actually don't mind seeing the sun come up again.

Speaking of sun ... I got get a little now.

Adios ... until next post.

I hope this find you all well. :)

[Dahila]

you are so organised, awesome, pick is really good. Yes eating good is not cheap , eating shit is cheap............
then again eating shit causes diseases and you spend on meds so I do prefer to spend money of food instead of meds:)) awesome, D it is full time job what you are doing. Maybe even overtime
Poor Lisa...........I am so sorry about it.........

[Ponder]

Hi D - You've actually helped me quite a bit with regards to food prep. I may not have a good memory these days, but I do remember all your comments about food and the like. Although we sometimes do things differently, we actually have a similar mind set. I mostly posted the above pic in relation to the kitchen being clean for a change. hehe ... Truth is and I am sure you can relate ... all the home processing ends up with a LOT of clutter that takes more time to put away than it does to take out. I have like 20 more tools under the benches that also often get pulled out.

When I refer to cost of eating clean - I more so talk from a welfare perspective ... although having said that a low wage earner in this country is no better off than someone on welfare ... and YET - there is much we can all do to still eat healthy as like you say that off set costs with medications, transport to doctors and all that BS actually costs quite a bit.

Anyways - we both got a good handle on all that sort of thing. I reckon I could still do a good job on a shoe string budget. Thankfully I am still recycling well looked after from the last time I actually had a J-O-B ... and still making a few $$$ through our online eBay shop.

In FACT - I'm researching my next TOOL to stay outside for longer and have me some fun:

(https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5483/30938839980_81fd975856_o.jpg)https://presentlytravelling.wordpress.com/author/presentlytravelling/page/205/

http://www.advancedelements.com/kayaks/recreational-kayaks/inflatable-kayak-ae1017/

https://c5.staticflickr.com/6/5483/30938839980_8e15581077_b.jpg

I got a bit of researching yet to go. It's good to see that inflatables kayaks have come a long way. I've been giving them the flick for many years, but now there construction warrants serious consideration. Although I live on the coast with rough waters making these shorter kayaks a little hard to control, I have access to a bay area that may very well such an activity very fruitful for me. Going to spend some more time later checking out the possibilities. :)

PS - I don't have roof racks and actually like the idea of using the above setup with a push bike and trailer setup.

[BlessedBackyard]

Ooooooh, I like all of your kitchen tools :) I collect/hoard small kitchen appliances, but I can't say I use them often enough. I know what I need to eat, but it's hard when no one else in my family is ready to take the full plunge. But that's an excuse. I do most of the cooking, so I could put my foot down and say "we're eating healthier!" I turn to food for comfort more than health...it's a work in progress. On the bright side, my diet is sooo much better than it was 10 years ago, when I would eat a a Pop Tart for breakfast and a whole bag of Reese cups for lunch. No wonder I have digestive problems...

We are fragile, complex, and strong all at the same time. One cut can end a life, but we're so strong for what we endure. I admire the strength it takes for your wife (and you) to keep going with the likes of MS. We do what we have to, but it's inspiring to read how much you're doing for yourselves instead of relying so much on medication band-aids.

The kayak sounds like fun!

[Ponder]

Feedback much appreciated. Is good to hear how others progress as well. It sure can be hard in family situations where those around us do, think and feel differently than ourselves. Excuses or not, it can impact just how hard or easy it is with regard to addictions. My daughter struggled with giving up smoking along side her husband who continues to smoke. In the end her passion for a healthier self won out - hubby now smokes outside where he should. : ) The dynamics of dependency and triggers with others in no different with food.

Is good to hear your doing so much better and honest enough to relate varisous health issues to the past. That is a powerful motivator to keep on track ... regardless of how "correct or not" that be. What's important is how you function in the now. You mostly seem fairly spirited from what I have been reading. Not that any of us are expected to stay that way ... just saying that whilst what we eat is important ... there are many of equations that matter as well.

Thanks for your kind word re Lisa and her condition ... Thanks also D ... Tomorrow I drive Lisa to the airport where she will begin her trip down to Sydney for the funeral attendance. I hate funerals as most people know ... but just wish I could go to hold her hand is all. Is ok though, because I know she will have many family members who know her well down there. Lisa basically grew up with her nanna and they are also a much more well adjusted family compared to mine. Lisa will be OK ... we also got the phones to keep in touch. Fact is ... sometimes these little breaks also do us good in other ways.

Hmmmm

GUESS WHAT ... you know how I am researching Kayaking ... well; it's kind of evolved into something else now. LOL ... is OK though .. that happens a lot with me. There is a million reasons why I am changing my mind. Firstly because I have never done water sports before. hmmmm Well ... back in the 70's I did when just a little kid. I did a little kayaking then ... however I have often wished I could surf!!! So it is that after looking for roof racks to fit my car that I decided I would do better to pick a sport/pastime that did not require something so large.

Picking a kayak that can easily be controlled in the surf and move at speed means picking one that is at least 3.7 meters. That's too long for my comfort zone and also requires expense racks to suit my car - plus more hassle to set and pack up!

SO!!!!!!!!! Long story short ... TODAY ... and I think it's going to stick ... here is MY NEW GOAL FOR 2020:

https://c4.staticflickr.com/6/5728/31208298451_850de64192_b.jpg (https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5728/31208298451_ba8aeb65db_o.jpg)

I'll be 52 and my Grandson will be 6 - I figure by the time he hits 4 and sees how well I am going on the water - he'll be ready at 5 for 12 months stand with me on my board. We live in a Bay area and also have a damn not to far away. By the time he is 6 - 2020 ... Pop & JoJo should be surfing up and down not too far from the sand. :) - Sounds like a plan at any rate. Good reason to keep a wide beginners board.

I best get to the gym and keep myself fit!!!!



Don't tell anyone ... I'm keeping this one under wraps ... The family kind of think I am nuts as it is.

Hey ... I found these cool racks that fit any car. Very useful. Keep in mind if like me - you just want something quick and easy to set up but not something permanently attached to your car.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5pe6OAxf1o

AKA - Molone HandiRack

Could be useful for the Markets D? Is just what I will be needing in the near futre I dare say. Good to know I am not stuck with the cars official version which cost a fortune and not easy to take back off. The extra drag when not using add to more fuel cost. Not so with the Molone HandiRack - which comes off when not in use.

https://c6.staticflickr.com/6/5775/31323744965_8552ff1ef3.jpg

[Ponder]

GOD DAMN IT - two fucking speeding tickets (received in the mail today) in the same spot on the same day. 57km in a 50km zone. :( $340:00 :( Easy mistake for me as it's been 16 years since the last speeding ticket.

https://c5.staticflickr.com/6/5330/31290607796_c07ef44845.jpg

Fuck Fuck and double Fuck ... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Ponder]

AWESOME _ GOOD NEWS - Our charity service PEERHAPS (http://www.peerhaps.org.au/) had it's first win in court today. I should say LISA had her first win in court today.

Woops just hit submit instead of preview ... still writing this one up. Bare with me ... I'll hit submit properly for the full story in a few minutes. :) Anyone would thing I am on THC .. lol BRB

[Ponder]

Is quite ironic I end up costing us more money with breaking the damn rules whilst lisa ends up saving a family from being evicted over this find xmas period. Not too long ago, when went to the big smoke to attend a royal commission into institutional responses into child sexual abuse, both Lisa and I were dumbfounded at the number of homeless people still getting about. On our return back home we decided to start a chairty to help the homeless people in our local community ... which evolved into helping those at risk of homelessness. Since then we have helped a lot of people come of the black listing services that stop people from renting. (aka largely known TICA) Here's the new story (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_cWVPWOKA8) they did on us back then (yea yea - just linking for those who might of not seen it is all - it is quite an achievement that we are still operating!) - although the news presentation tried to make it something else and we actually got NO support that really counted.

ANYWAYS - I'm just very happy for Lisa - I can see how Lisa lights up when she is able to help others. She not long ago just become a Justice of the Peace. She has been before the magistrate a few times now and to my surprise they have been very supportive ... so whilst no one else in the community will support us ... the courts seem to like the idea of those in need getting real help, where that help actually counts.

Because we are not bound by all that interagency BS → "competitiveness" we don't writing the letters and saying what needs to be said. This is where I am able to play my own hand ... because when I am not being so subjective and ranting on in here ... the fact is Lisa & I have been fighting the system all our lives and we have been doing it quite well. Long story short ... we have both had to represent ourselves in court before and fight pretty damn hard ... once we learned to do that .. we started doing it for a few friends and helping out where we can. Bla bla bla bla bla and rar rar rar whatever ...

This is our WORK - and we do it for FREE as it should be. Sadly many in the community just call us rouge ... I am sure those in the know ... those academic types that pay lots of money for their schooling and those that glorify the system know well the term that's been applied to us like so. But then again ... not everyone ... we get the odd call now when others in the interagency entangled web are unable to spread their wings.
_____________________________________

People though I was just a fucking head case (just another by product) I guess in some respect they may be right ... but in our environment ... we can fight. :)

It was a big achievement ... The real estate really tried hard to kick this family out in the street. I was getting ready to contact news reporter because if they had done so, it would of made for a dramatic story I knew I could of "sold!" None the less ... now we have to help them find a new home and also fight for a periodic lease. Sadly - it can also be hard when we come across those you will not help themselves. We have had a lot of this go on ... especially with many going back on their agreements ... but that is life. We just do what we can with those who appreciate being helped. At the end of the day that is as good as it gets.

Now ... to make arrangements to pay off those damn parking tickets.

[Ponder]

Hmmm think I will go for a midday walk ... I'm piss off with myself for those damn tickets. Sigh. I've been a little neurotic of late too ... That article my wife passed on to me has been very confronting ... a little scary in fact. I think a few distractions are in need for now. Will take on board when I have the space.

Adios ... more than enough posts for today.

[Ponder]

http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/shocked/yellow-smiley-surprised-emoticon.gif Scratch the windsurfing idea. I should of started pricing the equipment first which would of saved me all that time researching the how to guides. That recreation is WAY WAY over priced for me. Will have to leave those folk sipping wine by themselves at the local sails club.

Back to the drawing board as far are water sports go. I'd get into snorkeling - but like the idea of being on some kind of flotation device re sharks. Not that a surfboard would do me much good if one decided to have me for lunch. Hmmmm ... Paddle Boards SUPs are cheaper, but slower to make an exit if need be. Guess I will have to paddle only meters from the shore - exercise is exercise I guess.

[Ponder]

Reality Check - Time for my walk ... https://c6.staticflickr.com/6/5484/31342092285_6c82f96cf2_m.jpg

Clearly it is time to fine tune and reassess my coping strategies. Will do that on my walk.

[Ponder]

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Ponder]

My mind has been racing quite extreme of late. I was getting quite neurotic there for a bit. More pedantic like over the slightest sign of someone else's issue or some kind of problem popping up and just getting in the/my way. It can get quite extreme and something that encapsulates the essence of just how disabling Extreme Anxiety can be. I've been battling hard to dial back my racing thoughts and find space.

Catch up soon enough.

[Ponder]

Think I will have a shave. Ever notice how when you let hygiene slip - the black dog grabs you by the ankle and the next thing you know ... your itching in a shit load of despair and regret. Procrastination wins over and it takes a long time to right the boat. Cool breeze tonight. Not much to contemplate but time itself. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/word/1-sec-smiley-emoticon.gif 1 second at a time!

[Dahila]

Yeah, I am happy you are here, I felt lonely. this is the only thread worth of my attention. I left msg on FB but obviously we pass each other :))

[Ponder]

Hi D – Srry we have been out of syn re our check in times with FB. I have altered my routine somewhat with the intention to mix things up. My focus on the past brought up some hard core residual stuff that did more to get in the way than anything else. I am normally careful with self-reflections. Sometimes the best way to detach from the drama is to stop telling the stories and or writing new ones. The latter is often sort out to create new realities or perhaps escape the matrix of one’s own imprinted/adopted system of belief.

Just part of the fine tuning stage I regularly go through D. : ) - Happens to us all no matter who we think we are. Part and parcel of growing older, life events or just trying to make sense of an insensitive world.

I’m running out of “stuff “to listen too. It would seem everyone is coming to the similar conclusions, yet clinging to whatever labels they choose to define “their” way as the way to being right, correct, the one true path and yadda yadda ….
Naturalism is adopting spirituality whilst still clinging to empirical evidence like an atheist sinking its teeth into debates over the same old dry topics. Permaculture is going through the same process yet still bound by dry science that has no room for the higher consciousness. It’s not hard to see how all these science communities are struggling to keep new age thinking within their “market?” whilst adopting terms from other concepts like modern day Christianity/Religions making huge compromises in order to up the numbers of sheep.

The latter of the above may not be quite as obvious with the scientific agendas selling whatever on whatever podcasts, but is easier to spot for those of us that have been around longer with deep roots into various forms of spiritual cultures → more so Drama and Stories to which is now just being recycled and given a little twist.

Is very hard to explain to those who have not heard prior stories and or simply lived within the appropriate streams regardless of age – it’s more so about the experience when it comes to such insight. None the less D – Filtering is at least stimulating when looking to glean from those painting with the same old brush. I guess whilst Eckhart Tolle’s concept of giving up the stories is making more sense, so too is changing the brush with an intent to never giving up. Alas – there is a conundrum of sorts in that. Giving up by way of not. A changing of the path I guess – ones view that is always changing in a land scape of impermanence.

Hell – I’ve even ventured into the land of Wiccan to see where there spin is at with regard to nature and all things. It’s been very interesting as I have found all the others thus far to be. I just shed all the hype like I do with all the others … smile and even chuckle at all the adverts throughout this or that podcast as pieces of truth are sold for x amount and then back to the talk. Same as all the rest with the selling and what not … free giveaways here and there as well … you know how it all works. None the less it is interesting to hear some of the more meaningful aspects to Wiccan. Is many ways, it highlights for me just how many inexperienced (young & old) ones are taken up with the drama as is the case in all paths we choose to take, change or whatnot. The sheep make the marketing side of these new age cultural paths more like fads instead of more meaningful and trusted ways we can draw from. None the less – is up to us in the end to choose the way in which we drink … regardless of the source!

Yadda Yadda -

So there ya go D … hope you found some of that interesting enough.

I’m off to the gym. : ) …

I’ll check into FB when I get back before I move onto my next thing … whatever that be.

Take care … we catch up soon enough.

[Dahila]

Very interesting , thank you , we are much in sync with our conclusions. I took a few hours yesterday to think about it, keeping my mind busy .............today I spend glorious 4 hours in workshop packing, making labelling.........I forgot to eat :)) 18451846
The best is when we do not get involved in other threads, I hate stupidity, and it is so much of that here................I am too old for the children and demented oldies ;))

[Ponder]

I'm glad you included the oldies -- especially the demented ones, however I there is some joy to be found in the process of the mind wandering off. :
Yea - is good when we are that much in the moment our bodies do not require the constant hand to mouth ritual that our society has profits on in oh so many ways. GO SEE A PHYSICIAN - you'll need one! lol

Just consider the rest of the forum a cycle and watch how others fall into addictive patterns themselves ... even the helpers D. Is best to back off a little and then just say whatever when there is something to be said. I'm glad you have been able to find the effort not so much of a struggle and also been able to read me like so. Is always good to hear from others which is why this forum I guess has some kind of purpose despite being a haven for the labels to exacerbate rather than not. I hear ya ... D

[jessed03]

Hey Dave, Dahls, and anyone else who posts in here.

Sorry it's been a while since I popped in. I just wasn't taking care of myself and had a pretty nasty OCD flare up. The type where you can be in a room with 100 talking people but still be distracted by crap in the mind. Didn't really have the energy to be around people, even those online.

I can't believe how good you're looking these days, Dave. Shoot! I just watched a Youtube vid you posted in this thread. You're in good shape, your skin looks really healthy, you look calmer. I'm surprised you haven't been assassinated by a team of psychiatrists. People aren't meant to do well OFF the meds, man ;)

[Ponder]

Hey Jesse! Good to see you again. I have been quietly hoping that you would one day return. : )

Sryy to hear about you did not do so well there. ("but glad your feeling a little better now - and hope that lasts some time) Good analogy you give there. I know well how that works.

Thanks for the kind words. LOL @ assassination attempt. They expect I will start eating the food off the grocery shelves and or succumb to drive through eating.

It is really good to see you back. I do hope your able to chime in from time to time as the forum could really use some stability some good ol Jesse insights. I know D and I have missed that very much.

Really stoked your back!

Just heading out the door … treadmill time. Helps to keep my in sync … to some degree.

Catch up soon.

PS - If you get the time Jesse ... what are you up to these days when the thoughts are not racing so much? Hobbies and all that? Work? Or Not? You know me ... I work on just living. :)

[Dahila]

Jesse I am so happy to see you, but very unhappy about you not being well. I was wondering what happened to you..........the people who post here is mr. Ponder and I , not many want to talk to us, heheeeeeeeeeee

[jessed03]

Cheers for the warm welcome back guys. I felt a bit guilty just disappearing.

Dave, I've been watching a lot of nature shows recently. Maybe because it's too bloody cold to go out and see real nature lol. I like the new Planet Earth series. It's a little Hollywood-y with the editing, but they do get some amazing shots. The million penguins on the island of Zavodovski was cool to see.

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/10_04/penguinsDM2310_468x310.jpg

[Ponder]

Yea - whatever works man. :) - I kind of get sad when I see the penguins docos. Bit like the polar bears scrambling for a piece of melting ice scenario. None the less - it makes for a pretty picture. Interesting culture they have. LOL - I think they look after each other better than we do with our own kind. I think we would do well to box up all the David Attenborough Docos, put it on a rocket and send into space - with dozen packets of seed. : )

Hey man ... You are right. My daughter sent me an old phone pic today. It made me feel good at how far I had come so did a Vlog Updating "Comming Off The Meds" Srry... but the sound goes out of sync towards the end. I'll have to work on that issue with future logs.

Hope this finds you guys well - I'm doing as good as can be:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cuYOnIpELU&index=14&list=PLTtbhjtVLRyQ5ok QOZzeElev_sRxbHlPJ

[Ponder]

Thought you might like the following one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qzzYrCTKuk&list=PL058A82A702A180CF&index= 1

I use to catch buses in Sydney, but now have an extreme phobia over catching them now. Mostly because I don't understand how the system works now. I like walking but sometimes it would be good to just catch a bus just to know that I can do it. It is rather expensive though. I might walk to the other side of town again to visit my daughter, but instead of ringing Lisa to pick me up (when she can drive that is) - I could catch a bus back and let Lisa rest. Sounds like a plan.

[Ponder]

I'm also logging this one in here because it's something I need to keep reminding myself: "....always remind yourself of that defining factor that led you to getting up off the couch. No one can tell you what that is, but yourself."
______________________________________________

Cut & Paste:
Nothing wrong with the keeping active mentality Vs goal setting. They are pretty much the same and yet they are not. Both have their pros and cons. I often use both whilst at the same time praising one and then cursing the other. Frustration can be a tool in itself when used right. However the latter is more about using the pressure/steam with the intention to release. Typically when positive and healing motivation is lacking - frustration can be a primer to dig deep.


aml0017 -
"I am pretty much beyond being afraid of the anxiety itself, I have accepted it as a part of my life, but at the expense of not living my life fully. Until this current anxiety runs its course, I want to stay on track with the positive changes I have been making and not just fall back into my old bad habits as I always do. The weekends are a particularly bad time for me when it comes to anxiety because I don't have work to distract me so I tend to just stay in my house and let it fester. This weekend I want to have a plan and try to break that habit."


The way you have written the above sounds on track to creating the plan you want. In order to make positive changes that actually last, it is good to experience the anxiety as opposed to running from it like so many of us typically do. Your first sentence is quite accepting of your current situation. Anxiety will continue to run it's course until such a time that we accept it as no more than a passing thought. Your approach is in line with a copping strategy that many therapists (not GPs or psychiatrists) call ACT. Acceptance & Commitment Therapy. (https://www.thehappinesstrap.com/about_act) I'll link that one to a web page based on a book called The Happiness Trap (https://www.thehappinesstrap.com/about_act). Learning more about mindfulness can really help. Going a little beyond the clinical approach will greater assist to a deeper meaning and stronger connection with self ... but that's another story. Mt point is - keep thinking like you are ... because your current mind set is most certainly on track for Long Term Change.


Whatever methods you choose to motivate yourself - (again - I chop and change) - Just go little by little and enjoy that rewards along the way. Those rewards not being little doggy treats, but more the snippets of heart felt freedom. I deep true sense of liberation from finally escaping the cave (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RWOpQXTltA). :) The latter link talks more about the varioius contexts of → Allegory of the cave by plato (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTWwY8Ok5I0).


I share it more in light of the freedom that can come from finding things out for ourselves and not falling into the trap of simply going along with the crowed and or falling into Clinical Reliance. Whilst there is much to be gained from each of us sharing the way we do, nothing beats writing our own book. :)


I'm at a point where I have pretty much reached most of my goals - I've created a lot of positive changes. I can tell you that the journey never ends - so be careful how hard to set up. I often remind myself I must be careful with how much I lift, how hard and fast I run and walk.


The one thing that always works - and I know this for sure because I've been of and on all my life ... Is always remind yourself of that defining factor that led you to getting up off the couch. No one can tell you what that is, but yourself.
___________________________________________


Your on track! Stick with what you know to be true ... keeping accepting yourself the way you are and you'll always be able to get back up despite whatever falls. You'll know its really going well the less you fall and that when you do, it's no longer such a big deal.


Best of luck with whatever path you choose. I'm genuinely happy to read when people are as motivated as you.
~Dave. (just another semi cave dweller :) )
________________________________________________

OK think I will swap out the 80's playlist for some ambiance today. Feeling OK - Feeling Fine ... Lifting less weight but pumping more and above all; feeling lighter. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/spiritual/doing-yoga-smiley-emoticon.gif

[jessed03]

Where would you say your life philosophy is at these days, Dave? Is there any particular person or school of thought you most relate to at the moment?

[Dahila]

today I got up in the morning got my coffee and did a reading for someone who lives in UK, as it came later it was (the past) 100% accurate, I feel good. It seems that it should be done first think in the morning. No anxiety at all:) then went shopping uhuuuuuuuuuuuu I hate grocery shopping, passing all foods I kind of like ...................I am not touching it;))
I had meditate for a while and it feels just alright..
I letting you know that I am reading your posts :)

[jessed03]

Glad you had a pretty good day. :)

Will you be busy around Christmas time selling your soaps?

[Dahila]

Jesse I hope I will but I make 30 other products beside the soaps, I specialise in Facial moisturisers and lately bath bombs :)

[Ponder]

Hi D. Also glad you had a good day. :) Full credit to you not giving in to the supermarket flavorings. Your too smart for that and know how to make your natural alternatives. I hope you end up making good sales over the Xmas period.
Just promise me you will be careful when making those bath bombs! http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/jobs/chemist-smiley-emoticon.gif



Hi J. That's one hell of a question. I think I need to play some more World Of Tanks before I answer that one. hehe. I'll come back to that if you don't mind.

Hope this finds you all well. ;)

[Dahila]

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yeah I will careful not to blow myself up :))

[Ponder]

ATM Jesse without going into much detail re philosophy, I can't help seeing most of the impractical as practical and the practical as impractical. Too many people still caught up in mathematics and science for my liking. I'm not for religion at all - but do think expanded consciousness should be more the focus to creating a less chaotic society. BUT - I care less for such a BS term - Society ... is as tainted as G-O-D and or J-O-B!

I don't follow any one person or book. I follow No Way or subscribe to anyone of anything. I may tend towards an one area of thought, but that too is always changing ... depends on the wind ... what is the wind? :)


I'm still too tired ... BUT would like to reply more later. I do know for myself the answers that I seek are within myself. I don't look to others that tell my what the questions should be and or propose to know what those answers be. For me, the pursuit of expanded consciousness (looking within and creating ones own reality and or making the best with nothing but what I can think up in my head) is how I get through each day - whilst of course making that fit into the world of form. If anything - I am learning how to manifest my own conducive thoughts to bringing about less anxiety in a world bent on daily drama. ... and this has nothing to do with that BS -→ The Secret and or any other New Age Quick Fix Thinking Magic BS ... (ie Law Of Attraction) My being takes a lot of effort in order to make find peace, in a chaotic world. (LOL @ the term Imperfect- ROFL) I'm about keeping things real and not living with blinkers. It only makes things worse living life like that. Seemingly billions of us are doing it though. Quick and Easy. It sells really well.

As soon as the telly, radio or whatever form of media is switched on ... The myths begin to play and the sheep start to murmur, whilst the intellects striving to be guardians; end up sounding as impractical as the former!
_________________________________________________

I can rattle off some concepts of late ... but as for philosophy ... I got way too much going on in my head to sum up any kind of direction. I have a times attempted to do so in whatever threads.

Keep asking questions ... I'm all for that. Just not overly excited with anything I am hearing of late. Especially in the context of Society ... I'm kind of just waiting for all that BS to end. Trump will soon officially be in - but I am so over it all - I don't even think he is going to speed up the tipping point soon enough for me. Of course imo ... we are already at the tipping point as far as "Society" goes ... but again ... it's waaaayyyy toooo slow. Perhaps not for those doing well behind the microphones and or those writing books.

To me, they are as blinded as those - they claim to still be living in caves. Alas - they will impose their way as their will - and do away with anyone else's all in the name of Society. "rolls eyes"

I can elaborate more later on how I control my world in order to achieve the peace that I wish to seek ... and in doing so hopefully develop a being mentality rather than one that's constantly looking.

[jessed03]

Appreciate the reply, Dave! Insightful.

Have you ever tried psychedelic drugs? Never got round to them myself, but they come up in a LOT of spiritual debates. Even Tolle suffered a seizure disorder that lit up loads of different parts of his brain at once, which is similar to how those drugs work. I know Terrence McKenna hit them big time, too. Other popular spiritual speakers such as Allan Watts and even Sam Harris were/are fans.

Here's an image of just how much they can temporarily change the brain. Incredible, really.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/apr/11/lsd-impact-brain-revealed-groundbreaking-images

[Ponder]

http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/flashing-happy-face-smiley-emoticon.gif I sure did Jesse : )

I took the liberty of breaking down the presentation minus the images in the opening video of the article you have linked. I will outline that here so that when I come back from my walk and I can contemplate further on the Agenda Vs my own View/s. I am familiar with some of those names you have dropped and think they all have valid points - but have come to my own conclusions (always changing) and have concerns about this "science" and "tech future" to to which this article alludes.

Will think some more on my walk then come back and see what gives. For now ... I'm into absorbing nature to assist with my restricted thinking. (Society can influence of lot of that if one is not careful) I'm more so into syncing with mother nature's circadian rhythm rather than seeking chemical solution to a lifestyle related problem. The later open to a mass market with many conflicting agendas. I be back to think more on this, as is a great subject we have previously touched on before. DMT and likewise Conscious Connections. Thx Jesse ... just the stimulation I needed. ; )

Here is the break down of the text (highlighted as shown) - minus the images ... within that vid: I be back soon enough with more of my thoughts:



Why does “LSD” make you feel - at one with the “universe”?
These scans might have the “answer” (No Tripping Vs Tripping)
A “long awaited” study by Imperial College London -
scanned the brains of ”volunteers.”
Once after receiving a “placebo” -
and once after receiving “75mcg"of lsd
In the brain of trippers, regions once “segregated”
began “to speak” to one another
as if the drug reversed “restricted” thinking –
that develops between “infancy “and “adulthood.”
David Nutt, the former government drugs adviser, says
‘This is to neuroscience what the Higgs boson was to particle physics’ -
because we now see the “underlying potential” of LSD -
not just to treat “mental health “disorders –
but to deepen our understanding of consciousness itself.
So with LSD “microdosing” already popular –
in places like “Silicon Valley” -
perhaps acid is no longer a drug of “the hippy Past” -
but rather one of the “science “and “tech future.”
… Presented by → theguardian.com


I attempt to break down my skepticism of the above as well as allow for the positive direction of the subject itself. I'm not really sold on it as is J. Sure the images are no doubt convincing, but even Terrance goes on about the cons of creating a surrogate society dependent on drugs. I know you like quotes (and so do I since meeting you) so will once more draw upon one of my favorites before going out my front door:

“I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots.” ― Albert Einstein

__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _ ↑ LSD will do that to ya, and G-O-D help ya if the wind changes. rofl ... just kidding ... I be more serious when I get back.

[Ponder]

I hope your not messing with my head Jesse. You name my name is David & most people probably think I’m a Nutt. But whatever – If David Nutt is the government’s former drugs advisor, then I guess with a name like that; it makes perfect sense to me.
I did not cut and past the info outlined above. I watched the vid twice, paused, played and rewound to type out the text as was delivered with each slide. I then replied as such and further contemplated whilst out on a walk. In life – there are no short cuts. Srry Jess … you have positively triggered a topic I very much like.

One of the first things that comes to my mind is the doco on DMT: The Spirit Molecule:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtT6Xkk-kzk

…and I just found this vid which I am going to watch later: (Thx heaps for mentioning his name again ; )
Terence McKenna's True Hallucinations (Full Movie) HD:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MG5gFtZ3U8
__________________________________________________ ________________________


I have to freestyle this one and will probably not make much sense … I try my best. Response as it relates to the presentation text in my last post.


Here goes → Chemicals to be one with the universe hey? I guess the latter is better said than some shallow form of peace otherwise commonly sold under the term of “happiness.” For sure – One with the Universe is probably a good way to state it.


“Long Awaited Answer” via the “Imperial” [lol] College of London” does very little for me.


“Volunteers & Placebo” Here’s the thing for me. The study is missing a LOT of variables often encountered in life; more so the “experiences” that alters one’s perception over time. However this is touched on with the statement “… that develops between infancy and adulthood.” The “restricted” thought patterns that are focused upon with the presentation then alluding to some kind benefit to be to those suffering with mental illness; is admirable enough.


LOL @ microdosing in popular places like Silicon Valley. LMFAO @ that sales pitch! Reminds me of a very young and passionate doctor selling off an IV program to up ones levels of take your pick! Oh YEA – anyone that’s someone is now doing it. Yadda Yadda … $ $ $ … You get the drift. Is funny really … Soon will have outposts for those popular people orbiting high above the by-product they themselves create. Refer to Movie ELYSIUM (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elysium_(film))– Good watch if you have not yet seen. Or it could be a case where those that matter are laid back in the lounge chairs receiving microdoses via in IV drip with VR googles firmly attached. Refer to Movie - SURROGATES (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surrogates)

So it is that I contrast the science/tech in the same way the presenter does by using the context of "hippies from the past" The sales pitch looses its validity once it strays from the admirable thought of helping those with mental disabilities to the image of VR goggles in much the same way those popular people who think they know so much, yet really have had little experience ... are simply fixated in seeking a quick fix. Perhaps better said ... intellectual hippies of the present.

LOL Whatever - My Name is Dave & I'm just a NUT ;) My advice regarding drugs → The are No Chemical Solutions to Life Style Related Problems!
__________________________________________________ _______

Srry Jesse ... I kind of got lost in all of that. Sigh ... was good though. I enjoy coming up with that. Keep the topics coming man ... I am all of the things above!!! I think we all are. It's just that some of us don't mind putting in more of an effort so that we can bring about some order to the chaos that reigns. Seriously ... you kind of summed it for me in your last sentence - (above in your last post) '... Here's an image of just how much they can temporarily change the brain. Incredible, really.' ​Temporarily being the key word for me ... and I will also remind people about adverse effects, regardless of microdosing as next issue is long term use ... with USE then leading to miss use and so on and so on. Revolving door form there. I hear ya though ... for sure ... it surely is incredible to contemplate in between the marketing hype.

Hell I have not even really got into my own perceptions ... or my own experiences. I sincerely think we would do well to glean how it is that the brain works, responds and what not via likewise tests BUT - we should seek how to stimulate the brain towards such healing more through natural means rather than synthetics. I only subscribe to learning how to do these things through our own efforts. To seek out experiences in all forms no matter how great of how tiny. Instead of pinning ones hopes into a microdose of something most can never afford to which cannot be sustained by itself or those receiving the hit ... that we already have the power to unlock ... if only we are will to do what it takes.

To simply reinvent our own stories and above all - make and take our own trips! :)

I think more on this later - I create my own new philosophy and put a new spin on creationism ... by creating my own experiences and finding whatever light in whatever they bring. Ride with insanity and enjoy the trip we are already on. Those in silicon valley only wish they knew what most of us have already seen. Alas .. it's all in the knowing ... most of us know jack ... but then there is this guy in this forum who says I'm not a master of anything ... but just a jack of all trades.

I've reached my limit ... catch up soon enough.

Please keep posting Jesse and don't mind my long winded posts.

[jessed03]

I have to say I agree. I do appreciate you taking the time to reply in depth. I read some Sam Harris and McKenna back to back, and both brought up psychedelics and spiritual enlightenment. I also find the Shamans really interesting, especially how they sometimes fast, and sleep deprive and do drugs and stuff to change their consciousness. Not sure I believe in the idea of spirits like they do and like Marc did, but who knows. Even Carl Jung said there's lots out in the universe our brains aren't always aware of.

Did you find your experiences spiritual in any way? Don't feel in a rush to reply. Enjoy the day!

[Dahila]

there is not doubts we have ability to tap into the ""biggest computer" ever the ocean of energies.
I do not believe the drugs will help, maybe for visions but how would you know it was real or caused by sleep depravation, LSD or magic shrooms,,,,,,,,,,,,, we are able to tap in maybe for seconds but we are. There was nothing I had not tried in my life. I know it all. The only time I was very sure I was somewhere else it was when i was alone and in deep meditated state :)
We all are spiritual beings and no doubt we use it:)

[jessed03]

Appreciate your insights, D. :)

Yeah, I think maybe I'm mystifying psychedelics a bit too much. Probably because I've never tried them, and as I have health problems, probably never will try them. I really love your ideas regarding spirituality!

[Ponder]

I know we don't have to agree, but I do have to say it's a good vibe to be in sync. The opening of the door is not such a bad thing in itself. I don't see the desire as the "quick fix." When I have time, I look forward to watching the above link on Terence McKenna's True Hallucinations Vid. I have seen him in other Youtube vids and I may only be assuming as my memory not so good ... that Terence defines the journey of quite well, and dispels many myths regarding the notion of "just going for a trip"


I would have to say its a resounding yes. That many of my drug related experiences where spiritual and in many ways. I will indeed have to answer a little later as I originally waited with the response above. That's all good. : ) I'm just still really stoked that your back and making the most of it ... I promise not to hold me breath. I know that D is reading on and that we have both missed these kind of stimulation topics. We also miss Marc and Pam very much.

YEA! I hear ya about the ... hmmm ... trepidation on wrapping ones head around what and how a spirit is and or presents/exists. I have come to see just how important having some form of belief can be, however that part for me is very hard to convey in any type of intellectual way. But having said that - just like opening the door is not an issue to me (even experimenting if I may say [caution and experience of course helps with expectation to fall and a will to learn from ones mistakes]) I think my experiences are best described from an aerial position whilst yet subjective. That to me is kind of spiritual without the drama/stories that so many of us seem to need and or are fed.

I'd like to talk more about symbolism because I know D likes things of that nature if my memory serves me right? Did I get remember that correctly D? If not no matter. Symbolism plays largely into the worlds in which many of us live, however - My meaning to raise the subject is more to highlight just how much of it did not enter into any of my journeys. I can describe bright and warm images, but no pictures that made me want to bow a knee and or be pulled toward the light. On the contrary ... the connection I felt to the light, although seemingly external was very much sourced from within.

Hmmmmmmmmmm - I don't know J - Whilst the church fucked me over big time (and one day I would like to present that in a more coherent way) the truth is - I've always striven to hold onto that child like part refereed to as non-restricted thinking or is the term I now like to use since this topic being raised. It's a good term that. I like it very much. I have only ever known restriction to be quite brutal. Such "societal guardianship" in all forms and on all scales have surely robbed many of us from an otherwise inherent human trait to remain internally free. I knew something was seriously wrong with this world when I was quite young. The symbolism and stories told to me under whatever blanket of fundamental bla bla and BLA! - later created a short circuit in me that did not require LSD or other likewise drugs to induce a number of trips.
_________________

I know I have linked this before - BUT is relevant to the experience of spiritual tripping - as for me brought about enduring hardships:

https://c2.staticflickr.com/3/2853/12424116073_eb052b02d2_b.jpg

I've attempted to write a few poems like this one to capture the "spirit" that has always dwelled within me. I don't want to paste this into my thread as some kind of medal - Oh look at me everyone - look how great I am ... la la la ... drama drama and more drama. I really don't want it to come across as that. I can't help but feel that's how it comes across sometimes and if I were to give into that ... then I would never share as I do ... and that to me would then be more regrettable than the hardships themselves. SO - it is in this light that I now once again draw from the light that's always been within and show/share it to explain that there have been no drugs that have compared to the warmth and freedom that I have experienced during likewise park bench affairs. The other time I often mention is when at age 16 but still pinning for my siblings as when I was 13 with the child like yearning of 7 ... standing on the side of the highway crying in the rain hoping for someone to stop on give me a lift. I remember many of these experiences as if it were yesterday. The little warm feelings that well up when passerbys genuinely reach out and help - alas ... when there is no one to pass by and or worse those that do bring with them an unexpected hell ... Sigh ...

Hmmm ... Just as some people need drugs to open doors to whatever realms ... many of us do not. NOW - to bring this back on topic and how it relates ... Traumatic experiences have as much affected me as the drugs - Both in good ways as well as the bad. Some positive benefits to spiritual evolution and some negative side effects cognitive and behavioral dysfunction.

Sleep paralysis, combined with all sorts of demonic oppressive ordeals brought upon by the dogma and repetitive stories are as powerful and real as most of today’s ideals spawn by nonstop media campaigns that drove me to the antipsychotics I came off not so long ago.

JESSE - we really don’t need drugs to tap into our inner being. I wish I could of just said it like that … but I often have to dig deep. You know something J … it is very confusing no matter what path any of us are on or where we have come from. I think it is healthy to try and make sense of the mysterious. But if anything I have learned from taking and being subject to drugs … is that we do not need them and if anything – we already have what it takes no matter how broken, regardless of diagnoses, labels or however we care to define ourselves.

We can all explore the mystery and make great gains without having to take any drugs. Not the kind they cook up in our modern labs. Going the Natural root in its most basic form is the best way. Sadly the planet is very sick and we are the cancer and the cause.

Is as best I can say for now.

D – I only just saw your response. I will have to touch base later … going to go to the gym. Please let us also keep in touch. You are my connection to all things in nature. : ) especially the trees. : )

I best keep moving … you can’t beat movement when it comes to taking a trip! Is all good! – Just call me David Nutt. hehehe

Please excuse all this repetitive banter D ... you have heard many times before. I can't help putting this stuff through the wash once more. Is good to do for my soul ... spirit or whatever one wants to call it. If anything, I feel more srry for Gaia - The Earth.

I just read properly D - YEP ... very very honored that we are very very good friends. Indeed we do feel - (and that being one of many key words) - the same on many things.

Take care guys ... thanks again for this rather positive and stimulating topic.

Jesse - please do keep mystifying ... I love it. :)

[Ponder]

Here's a cracker shot after sunset ... Outside My Front Door:

https://c6.staticflickr.com/6/5527/30716427613_f3b61f8ecc_b.jpg (https://c2.staticflickr.com/6/5527/30716427613_66c6f19099_o.jpg)

It's not everyday the elements come together like that. I can tell you though, that walking in the dawn and dusk hours feels pretty much like that regardless of background color. I think some relaxation is in order. :)

[Ponder]

Excellent guide on how to meditate and it's healing benefits. I recommend using headphones and turning down the volume a little. Perhaps a little corny for some with the boomy voice - but after giving this about 10 minutes it had me hooked. Not everyone will gel with it - but anyone can do it and everyone can benefit from it. It really cleared up a few things for me and has inspired me to get back into it.


How to Access Superconsciousness English HD Version Full Movie (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcX-CBrF9m4)

https://c8.staticflickr.com/1/607/31410901391_7a1fdd486c_z.jpg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcX-CBrF9m4)

Low Res Phone version (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRrXaAECtdI)


YouTube Description:

Published on Aug 19, 2013
The ultimate knowledge about the human existence.
The best video I know about meditation, spirit, and astral travel.
Please SHARE it. Visit this channel for other language versions.
Any questions - visit http://www.meditationguru.com/faq

Please use your own discernment before believing anything stated in this video. Some things can only be validated after a proficient skill in meditation has been attained. Meditation is not just about relaxing the mind or loosing ourselves for a few moments before we go back to our daily routine. Authentic meditation can open a cosmic portal within us to explore all the depths and heights of the universe with unimaginable clarity, totality and insight. Through this exploration our awareness expands, and we are enabled to share deep insights that enrich ourselves, and the world. In this way, we help create an expanded vision capable of healing the seemingly unsolvable issues facing mankind through a more enlightened global and universal perspective.

Music: Kadri's Keys
Voice: Ashish Vidyarthi
More info at http://www.meditationguru.com (http://www.meditationguru.com/)

__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________



No drugs required - just a strong desire to heal through practice and patience.
Night Folks ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ~ Dave. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/sleep/sleep.gif

[Dahila]

Oh David NUtt what I would do without you. Of course we are spiritual people, I do not believe the symbolism I am keeping track what is happening to me through different people..........Imagine I met someone who is the tree huger too. My small Sugar Maple is not so small anymore, instead of energising it, I can some for me now. In my garden. I love to stand with my head up and watch the sky, at night or day........... instead at looking at your fee try to raise you eyes to sky ;))
Get lost in it:))
Yes I am here, and I have no idea if my posts make any sense.................

[jessed03]

"Dave Nutt" -- that nickname could well stick for you now, Dave. ;)

A lot of what you said resonated. I went to catholic school as a kid; I remember vividly sitting in an RE session where the priest was trying to convince us of Jesus' existence. He'd use all kinds of logical arguments to do it, such as "God's plan" for earth. I remember thinking "what if the meaning of life isn't something you see with your eyes or comprehend with your mind, but something you connect with beyond those limited human senses?"

I was an anxious kid, so I probably had a period of depersonalization there that was a little like a drug trip. I guess that experience was why meditation always made sense to me. You could find out profound things about life with your eyes closed and your mind quiet.

On another note, that's a beautiful picture! Can't believe you got it from outside your front door.

[Ponder]

They make sense to me D! I almost could not believe what I saw out my front door either Jesse.

Not doing well today guys ... Family Conflict. The kind that makes you wonder if your about to become homeless. :( I am far from perfect - Although I can't help but feel there is a case of like doormat syndrome going on. (Whether I choose to be one or not) Seems others like to use labels against those they see as easy targets. Old behavioral patterns returning from the past where everyone feeds of each other and starts pecking the one they consider the weakest link. Sigh ....

I don't profess to have any answers - I certainly have my fair share of issues.

I did have a good mediation session this morning though ... think I will go have another.

[Dahila]

yes meditate so you achieve some temporary relieve , please.......... In day or two it can improve :)

[Ponder]

The sad truth is that it's been quite despairing for some time D. From a relationship perspective there is no love left whatsoever. I am more like the needy one when it comes to seeking affection. The constant targeting by not only Lisa but also the extended family is as draining when contemplating having no place to go. For all my effort to bring about positive change and or sustain the good that's always been present - those negative patterns of the past are as quick to blame as I am of myself. Having adult kids (and being one myself) means that many of us in mall adjusted family dynamics that choose to stay on ... never quite find the space in which to heal. This is something that affects all involved. We have done well to last as long was we have - yet can't help but ponder the cost.

Another sad fact from my perspective, is that no matter how much others keep saying that I have to change, I am happy with who I am and more concerned about playing the doormat (or some other "role" that feeds the drama) as has pretty much been the case. Yet - Fear of being alone could easily send me over the edge. Now is time for me to start chipping out a completely new lifestyle on accepting just how unloved I really am. I would also do well to accept just how alone I already be.

What to do. Looks like I am staying on - but the reality of how I am no longer loved is now sinking in. The ultimatums that are continually placed on me in order to stay are starting to hurt more than the fear of moving on. The pain has been looping in me for some time now - in much the same way the dysfunction feeds - from and off - each person caught in this web.

I've really got to lighten my load and start detaching from all those things that bind me like so. You know I have tried and failed many times on such a path ... BUT ... each time gets a little better. Time for me to become more dependent by having less. I'm cutting off my phone plan - giving Lisa the car (when and if the time comes ) Selling my shit once more to pay those damn fines and other debts + lighten the load. Once the gym membership runs out - that will see me feeling a little more independent as well. Looks like I might have to start booking in internet time.

Now - this cycle that seems to be repeating more often than I would like ... may not see me anytime soon hitting the city streets, and if not - I really do need to get grip on this whole co-dependent thing. Hence - my intention to cut all my costs now regardless of whether I stay or go. Sure I care for Lisa, but Lisa can still do enough for herself and pretty much says I do nothing at any rate. I won't say much more than that because I have no guilt when it comes to that. Fact is she could get services to replace me and she knows it. Me only going along for the ride whilst being told constantly of how everything is my fault and how unloved I am is once again - as painful as the thought of being homeless.

Also consider I have no other family to go back to. On that score, the only one that knew me is now dead and the others pretty much rejected me yet again. Bible thumpers are real good at that. Basically brother dead, father dead, mother and sister as good as dead. When my mind begins to contrast that with my wife and kids telling me how retarded, unloved and unwanted I am ... well ... something has to give? I am in TOTAL ISOLATION now when I consider things like so. If I do it right ... I may be able to find some solace ... thinking more on the meditation side of things. Nothing Nothing Nothing Nothing and so on ... [I](Danger Will Danger Will Robinson - Insanity can also be found in such voids if no space for love and compassion can be had)
__________________________________________________ _____

I don't like seeing any of us in pain - but I am limited in my human ability to carry on as is. My therapist often builds me up so that I might stand up more for myself. I try a lot of the hints and tips and in fact already doing them before she mentions them. The cycle of dysfunction and it being spawn as it has is quite powerful and runs deep. Not just my family either - is why society is so fucked up. I have no bitterness whatsoever towards anyone in my family. I do not hold grudges - remorse hits me as soon as I blow too much steam. I've tried my best ... I really have.

I've never really been afforded the space my mother had because I never rejected my kids like she did me - yet now I finally know what she meant with that incessant rambling when ever I called up in need:

"I just can't take it any more!!!"

I shake my head to think in the latter part of the meditation story I linked above, that the concept proposes that we all choose our mothers before the seed is planted. To ponder my history whilst claiming I did not do as my mother, yet succumb to casting her words in the same manner; makes me wonder on the next part of the story. That we create our own heaven and hell. Lucky for me I have a little more understanding on what it's like to die many times over whilst still living. If only I did not need to keep "repeating" myself! In that is the cycle to which many spiritual stories are based.

Smiles at that because I know it makes little sense to create suffering in order to learn. However it does make sense to learn from suffering in order to suffer less.

I really got to start down the path of no attachments. That's for sure. I think I have made a good start in certain areas ... I just need to combine them all.

I think I have said enough.

No ill will intended - not meaning to blame - is best I can say it ... no poor me either ... just making heads and tails ... nothing more.

Just another opportunity really ... for a new challenge that might see me doing less rounds. That is if you tend towards that kind of thing. I'm not much for belief - but tending may be a word that's more in tune rather than not. I keep painting as best I can ... because I know it helps!

Thanks for listening. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/sleep/sleeping-on-keyboard.gif

[Ponder]

This put things into perspective somewhat. I giess I have done my share fare to alienate myself.

https://youtu.be/493lAJo3xx4
Night night. Zźzzzzzzźzzzzzzzzzz

[Ponder]

Feeling a little better now. Is good that I have this space. Something that I have created for myself. Sadly this is also used against me too. Is hard to explain to others that whilst there a cons to the pros - I draw a lot of peace from this space. Keeps me grounded more than not. We come into this world alone and go out alone. What happens in between I guess really is up to us. Head Space sums up this spot quite well.

Keyboard now pending sale - The fines will soon be off my back. Is good that I do not get attached to things like that so easily. Easy come, easy go. (Although nearly have exhausted the recycling/reselling of big ticket items - which is OK as the process can have one quite attached as well.) I still have my Bro's Guitar and will for sure suffice with that. Hell, I may even go back to playing my little harmonica that's never in the way ... except of others who tell me to shut up when ever I play. I smile at that - limitations abound when I reason why I stay.

I'd changed the word happiness to content in that last vid up above. Whilst I gleaned a lot from that vid as was the last thing I viewed before I went to sleep, there was something else in it that did not sit quite right. Hmmmm - Criticism for sure was on par with much of the cause - I'm prone to that ... BUT ... hmmmm what was it .... hmmmm ... I gel with love and compassion coming from no judgement ... but not as simple as that ... I think he even hit on No Need to seek out others in order to fill some kind of gap ...

Narr ... I have lost it. Must of not been a big issue. It was enough to ground me.

I have set a new focus once more as is mostly how I cope with things ...

YEA - NOW I REMEMBER what it was. Something about creating distractions in order to keep us from feeling the pain. That was what did not sit quite right with me. It's a great vid and I mean not to be a debbie downer (thanks Kirk ; ) ) - but yea ... distractions not necessarily a good thing. I think in the Big Picture of things - (as well as just saying such is more of a personal preference) the world is way too distracted and that point needed more explaining; especially for those who suffer imbalance). In that sense the above vid was airing too much on the clinical side of things whilst still offering quite a lot for those ready to hear. Feeling was there as the presenter often paused and would infer to the viewers "You feel that?" kind of thing. I think it's getting the right mix of feeling the pain with distraction that is important, being careful not to become too distracted from the truth. Throw in some OCD with distraction and one will keep running from the truth. This world got plenty of that going on atm. An inability to focus with hyper attention deficits out of control ... keeping many distracted is quite the focus and sells rather well to a value systems that keeps it's interests well under control. Whilst it relates to the bigger picture ... bring back the same principle to ones own space is where it's at ... in a place where "we" have control. Point is - be careful of just how distracted we seek to make ourselves be. Something like that. Note taken ... moving on:

Yea - it was something like that - that stuck out when listening the tail end of the vid.
____________________________________________

Going for my morning walk soon - will box up my things. My younger Son in coming to visit soon and bring his new girlfriend too. I'm thankful I am still around for that. : ) - even if everyone just pretending.

Had a really good meditation session this morning. 15 minutes flew by. I did well on my breath and whilst still had those ball of thoughts floating about, I was like WTF - the soft alarm already going off??? Having made a quick sale, started a new word doc to put all my details in once spot and prepping to box up my stuff is making me feel more in control despite the projection of other peoples stuff. It's scary not knowing what is to come, sensing some kind of whatever pending - but I will continue to cope in the way as I have always done. I wont allow others to tell my I have not done well in that dept. Fact is ... (I smile, because there are those in here whom know me more than my own family - I say only in context to this much needed space) ... even the lurkers as well; especially the lurkers. Is all good. This is how we don't feel lonely whilst walking the voids back in the world of form. I strive to allow the good that comes from in here ... I aim for much of that to still be with me - whilst I am logged out.

On the note ... I wish you all a good day. I have a just enough distractions now lined up (not too many) - yet the meditation and a couple more little session of quietly sitting ... will help me deal with and face up to the truth ... whatever it be. At the very least, help me live with myself.

Adios ... until next post.

[Dahila]

I am will start from the end, distraction is good when you have panic attacks, or anxiety, but generally I rather do my thing than look or create senseless distraction.
Very important;
Fuck it D.

My whole life I was blamed on everything what happened in my children and ex husband life. I was a drama queen, overprotective mother, (I thought I doing great) then I was saying different..........excetera.......... All mistakes my children made was on me, so I said Fuck it. I stopped carrying. My daughter does not want to talk to me ok fuck it, I do not care.
I have my life to live.................. When my partner does not like it, I can move out, he just have to pay me off ;))
I am not kidding. I see the same pattern in your life

Do not change, do not change because other people have a vision of yours which is pure illusion. Be yourself always!!!!
Sh8it I am getting emotional. You probably can see , I never swear, but i am not going to edit the post. You hit home with your post. Why other people want to dictate how you act. They are all crazy
I do not think services can be provided 24/7 , not now, when she will need 24/7 care they will take her to nursing home, You and I we know how it work.
I like you were pushed off for so many times now i am not the one who wants to hug me, I learned that my life is maybe even richer not having the hugs ................I keep pretty much to myself . Market should be better than it was, Incredibly slow. I think people do not have a lot of money to spend. With the sales in home I had done ok this week but not impressed at all;)

[Ponder]

I now reading you D. There are many of us here that understand the situation well. We can both talk for others as well. It's a cold void to be sure. To live life without a gentle touch. Having a big heart seems to come with a cost.

I think I should pick relay proper in the morning when I am not so tired. I generally don't post just before bed.

Keep on as you see fit re the markets. I hear ya on that score as well. I'm glad things are at least OK on that front.

Now is not the time for me to post ... but felt I had to say something ... or at least give thanks. We are not alone in this void - We do what we can to show compassion for those of us lacking it at home. :)

Have you heard of Metta Meditation. Youtube has a lot of dry and rather - hmmm - rigid presentations for my liking, however ... I think for people like "us" if I may so like so ... I think just focusing on an appreciation of nature is a good place to start. I took my hour long walk by the bay this morning and pondered on what it would be like to live homeless once more: I quickly rip and edit the photo I took with my phone:

https://c3.staticflickr.com/1/214/31423664442_76b91612cc_b.jpg (https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/214/31423664442_d703979884_o.jpg)

Just a snap shot - and I don't think it really does it justice as you really had to be there and in the mood that I was. It was both Grand and Sombre at the same time. It felt good to just forget about all the crap ... all the stories going on inside my head. I kind of ended up doing a metta mediation with nature as I walked along. A bit of earthing if you like - without getting into much detail on that front. Basically we may not be getting the kind of reciprocation from our family a we would like, so it is that I now revert back to nature like has previously been part of my cycle. I think I will do some more walking done that way and avoid the roads as has been my usual route of late.

We share what we can in here for now ... that will have to do. :) Take a photo with your phone ... You don't need to edit it like I do ... just add some words to describe the moment in order to share how you held the moment. None of us spend quality time with nature anymore and it's really impacting society and all that live "under" it. None of us live with each other, like humans once live with nature. If we were more in tune with nature as we should be, then yea - we would indeed be living with each other instead of existing in one another's trailing void. The thing with presence is that whilst that can be comforting enough, it can also be just as draining as receiving zero affection. Gravity wells suck big time - I think you get my drift? Maybe - maybe not. BUT - charging up on nature can really help to lift us back up.

Just a thought. :)

Night night. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Ponder]

I know these guided meditations can be hard to suite a wide range of people due to personal preferences, good and bad triggers, but thought this was worth a share. It's short as I don't like having the headphone on too long when going to bed if at all ... but when I get out of sync I find some of these guided mediation/self hypnosis vids quite helpful. I try to avoid rigid presentation with audio levels all over the place. This one does not seem to bad all things considered. Having said that I have only skimmed through it. Going to give this one a try now.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80zy1gHjS6E

PS- this is not to replace dedicated meditation ... where I just do it myself. But this is good for those moments we just need a little extra help to relax and or go to sleep. The latter is why I don't really consider this meditation in that respect. More like a healthier alternative to a sleeping pill and or to assist with ones meds. Whatever works. I know I need something like this tonight. See ya in the morning. ;

[Dahila]

Lately I am spending time downstairs working on products. It is a lot of work. I have a few pics but will share them with you , it involves a member of my family , it is cute though........... I need to make shower steamers today...... it will sell well I think the one that unclog your sinuses :) got to go

[Ponder]

Is good that you have your work like so D. It has to be way better working for yourself - don't you think? To do so imo gives meaningful purpose to a word that has no positive meaning whatsoever.

I bet there is plenty of need for your shower steamers. Even for those who are not so clogged. I would think is also good for the lungs - in small doses? I seemed to always enjoy that when taking saunas.

[Dahila]

yep yep and yep ;))

[Ponder]

............ lol

[Ponder]

http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?35822-Zen-Meditation-Magic-Secrets-to-Finding-the-Time-for-Peace-of-Mind-Every-Day&p=234739#post234739

Night night. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[BlessedBackyard]

I read the last couple of pages of this thread this morning and experienced such a variety of emotions. Gratefulness for my own marriage and family, compassion for you (is it an insult to say sympathy, because there was some of that, too), awe for some of your perspective. I know very few people who could sound level-headed and not throw an extended pity party or become hard-hearted in your situation...myself included.

I've come to realize recently how little I like the word distraction. It's almost as bad as "busy." I think you said it well. When a panic attack threatens, distractions are great. But if they're used to avoid working through emotions and truths, that's a problem. For a time now, I've gotten used to distractions and even rely on them, particularly modern technology. It's an effort to put down my Kindle sometimes, since it's like an anxiety crutch, but I appreciate the moments I do. Like a couple of days ago when I took my puppy for a walk. We were in a field that's normally full of dead grass and surrounded by rusty farm equipment. But that morning was different, and I stood a few minutes to stare. The sun hit the cold, frosted grass in just the right way, and they glittered with the colors of a rainbow. Beautiful sight.

[Dahila]

BB now you know why I stick with Mr. Ponder. He calms me down, and gives different perspective on life. We actually met on this forum and become fast friends. it is already 3 years.............:)

[BlessedBackyard]

Dahila, I can see that, how he's grounding. I remember the first time I read one of his responses, I couldn't tell if he was serious, joking, trying to start trouble, arrogant, or compassionate. The writing style took some getting used to since I couldn't hear the tone.

That's awesome that ya'll have been there for each other thanks to the forum. Was a little curious if you had met through here.

[Ponder]

Hi BB. Glad you popped in. I’m glad you’re now hearing me in such a light. I’ll extrapolate on my writing style to better assist as that’s a few times now you have expressed your struggles taking in what I write. But first allow me to further articulate what joy it is when reading you. Just to be clear, I am being genuine when stating that.

For instance – the pretty picture you worded so eloquently. The weaving of yourself, your puppy, the grass, the rust and sun worked well for me. Moreover your point on letting go of one’s crutches in order to see. A beauty that’s often obscured by that which we so often take for granted.

I would however suggest that you don’t get rid of your Kindle. I regret selling mine. It’s more about us and not the device and or plural. The kindle does a great job when it comes to being minimal. Reduces a heavy bookshelf to nothing at all and the power it requires is extremely minimal. Display is excellent on the eyes and yadda yadda. Indeed I miss mine very much – but alas, I still have enough means to utilize text and make it work.

Now – I explain my “writing style” : ) Oh I have heaps of Tone! To be sure it’s no secret as to my level of passion; however I do a fair job when it comes to conveying my feelings, intentions and meanings. When it comes to deciphering what I read, I often remind myself that when reading someone else, that it’s more about us than that of others. I know this is very much the case for me. None the less I am not totally ignorant to the pros and cons of devolving form.

Although I struggle with poetry beyond a certain point and in some way have fallen victim to a repetitive cycle that readers may or may not - struggle with; coming to understand the very basics of poetry … has helped me freestyle in a way that knows no end. I like that very much. It’s the only musical instrument that I can truly play to my heart’s content.

I meter the way I write like a child playing with a drum. -tum ti tum - and cares little else to deviate in order to please those bound by rules. I smile to think of Stephan Fry in his introduction of his book “The Ode Less Travelled” where he gives reason to having good form. My head has been stuck in the first part of the book – I write in a kind of iambic way. I throw in all kinds of … freestyle, short hand – internet squabble and I also talk in an esoteric way. The latter of which is probably the most important point when it comes to understanding how it is that I write.

Arrrrrr – Philosophy between the lines. LOL. The lol’s and expressions like so I also do a lot. My deeper side sees me talking to myself quite. I am my own audience I say a LOT. I know there is danger to how deep one can go and that also there is a LOT of debate regarding esoteric writing in our modern age. I think that style of writing is more a threat in many ways to society and those that are sitting pretty.

But that’s another story. Although I say I like to write as if I have no end … and I best easy up and go charge up with today’s events. My little grandson is coming over today. Family struggles come in cycles and whilst I have refrained of late with such details, it is also good to share with others some of the similarities that many of us share when it comes to dysfunction as I believe is prevalent to this forms theme.

Lisa’s white blood cell count has alarmingly gone up with several tests coming back with the need for more. Just thought I would keep you in the loop with regards to that D. It all plays into the dynamics of late as I am sure you can appreciate. I worry more for my wife, because I have more of an ability to shed the toxicity of whatever – VS – the effect of long term despair with no hope in sight. It’s seems to be a tragic slope filled with nothing but chronic illness. Sigh – I am trying my best D … I try to be strong. I will not stop giving gentle touches because I know that even if they are outwardly not wanted … inwardly I can see they still help. Bit more to it than that of course.

I have to get going but the latter is interesting topic and would present some benefit to explore further later on.

Here’s hoping to a good day all.

Adios … until next post. “Chin Up”

[BlessedBackyard]

Hi BB. Glad you popped in. I’m glad you’re now hearing me in such a light. I’ll extrapolate on my writing style to better assist as that’s a few times now you have expressed your struggles taking in what I write. But first allow me to further articulate what joy it is when reading you. Just to be clear, I am being genuine when stating that.

Ha! You made me laugh with this. I *think* I have a decent handle on your tone now, but thank you for extrapolating. It's funny you mentioned poetry. You know how we infer tone, volume, etc. when reading someone's text, like the voice in our heads might change with each person? My voice for you is always lyrical, as if reading a poem. Soothing and quiet. The kind that could calm a scared stray kitten. Do you yell or get loud much in real life?

When I was exposed to toxic mold, one symptom was anxiety, except I didn't recognize it as that. It presented itself as a tightness in my chest and a need to not be touched. When my husband hugged me, I tolerated it for a few seconds and then pushed him away. An awful thing. I missed enjoying his hugs and I could see how much it hurt him to feel rejected, but I didn't know how to change it. Completely different from your situation with Lisa, but it's the one thing that relates. At that point, I understood the idea of not outwardly wanting the touch but inwardly needing that bit of help and connection.

[Ponder]

That's quite a share BB. TY. That relates quite well. If only some of us could express to our others the truth as to how we really feel. (can be hard when we do not know ourselves) Then perhaps that would go a long way to relieving one another's pain.


... You know how we infer tone, volume, etc. when reading someone's text, like the voice in our heads might change with each person? My voice for you is always lyrical, as if reading a poem. Soothing and quiet. The kind that could calm a scared stray kitten. Do you yell or get loud much in real life?

I have my moments, but more so when I am constantly pushed. In the past I was a lot more easily triggered, however since working hard on my own recovery I have become very tolerant. I of course talk about my wife, sons and daughters. Out and about in society I struggle to be so kind. I'm pleased to say that I am getting better on both fronts.


The Meaning of Existence

Everything except language
knows the meaning of existence.
Trees, planets, rivers, time
know nothing else. They express it
moment by moment as the universe.

Even this fool of a body
lives it in part, and would
have full dignity within it
but for the ignorant freedom
of my talking mind.

by Les Mury

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[gypsylee]

Nice poem there Dave :)

[Ponder]

Thanks Gypsy - Was a good find. I picked the book up in one of those shops always having a sale in the local mall. I found it available on Amazon Kindle if anyone is interested:



https://c5.staticflickr.com/1/510/31588995836_26ebcaff83.jpg (https://www.amazon.com/Stressed-Unstressed-Classic-Poems-Ease-ebook/dp/B015VY1JAE/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=)

Stressed, unstressed: classic poems to ease the mind

Kindle (https://www.amazon.com/Stressed-Unstressed-Classic-Poems-Ease-ebook/dp/B015VY1JAE/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=)

Review: (http://www.oxonianreview.org/wp/poetry-as-pharmakon/)

"The target readership is deliberately broad and inclusive, encompassing the average stressed-out general reader, exhausted by the tribulations of everyday life, in addition to readers suffering from a wide variety of more specific or serious complaints ..."

[Ponder]

I'm pleased to say the my new meditation routine is going well and although I have only done a few sessions, I'm already feeling some of the benefits. My time limit on each sitting is fifteen minutes. This morning I reached such a point that when the alarm quietly engaged, I calmly turned it off and resumed my meditation. I only went for a few more minutes and propose that I could of gone more if not for the alarm that triggered my mind.

I seem to be improving my breathing technique known as Diaphragmatic Breathing (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diaphragmatic_breathing). I find it rather fascinating that this form of breathing is quite natural for mammals. I ponder to think just how much effort we humans now need in order to instinctively breath. There is a LOT to be said for that when you factor in the level of anxiety our species has created and now endures. My grandson was hyperventilating before the age of two. From what I have observed from other kids when out and about, I can only conclude that such a condition seems prevalent throughout the majority of kids. Considering the major change to the natural environment, It would not surprise me if the all the mammals had to focus on breathing more naturally.

So it is that meditation has massively improved my breathing ability and thus enable my brain to take on more oxygen. This process alone is akin to an instant fix, however short lived if not part of a focused and dedicated activity.

Forgive the authoritative tone. (I know squat other than my own experience and even then, words can only do so much) I'm just affirming these things for myself as learning how it all works and driving ones passion is what works with me.

Yea ... To be fair I had to reach near the end of my fifteen minutes where the illuminated blood vessels in my eye lids changed from red to blue and where I started to float off yonder and then that damn alarm started going off! [smiles/: )] That's when I calmly reset the timer and attempted to regain my previous state. Two to three minutes later I savoured the trip for what it was and will perhaps try once more later in the day ... when the time is right.

So there you have it ... I'm less than a week back into meditation. I'm just sitting in my ultralight camping butterfly chair with slight crossed legs, knees slightly below my hip and back up straight. I sometime interlock my hands and sometimes not. I even fidget a little and scratch from time to time. I have some experience from the past on how to sit and approach mediation so no issues there. The only thing I may add in these early stages is to pick a place as quiet as I can. I know as one grows with meditation it's not uncommon for practitioners to seek out more challenging environments. Other than a very quiet place - I am thinking about wrapping some form of clothing around my eyes to help block out the light. Whilst I have reaped benefits mediating in the early morning or later afternoon sun, (I like connecting with the blood flowing through my eyelids when doing so) shutting out all forms of stimulus can further assist in reaching meditative states focused on no experience at all.

The fact that I could even describe an experience, means I had not fully opened myself up. But man oh man ... I was this morning quite close to no thoughts at all. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/spiritual/doing-yoga-smiley-emoticon.gif
__________________________________________________ __________

[Dahila]

Oh I am glad you went back to it. This is the only way to find some peace.
I went to my stupid doc family physician and now I am looking for a new one, No more of sitting for 3 hours in room without windows in crowd. I can not take it, My cholesterol is down and she is creaming to me to take meds becuase it is too high, what an idiot. She did not give me refferal for AC1 blood test , what a bitch. I had to use benzo after leaving that f***** bithy place
I hate them, I hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee fucking doctors, idiots, we have no say in our health........... I told her yeah yeah write the script, like I am going to take it, bitch

Sorry D.

BTW the more I am stressed the better meditation for me, or maybe i feel immediate relief

[Ponder]

Yea!!! - I often struggle in the "Waiting Room"of any place let alone the doctors or some medical centre. - Indeed ... what an Idiot! Most can't even remember our names and or what's on record.

IS OK D - better out than in by the sounds of all that.

I would only add that the more we meditate the better we are able to avoid stress in the first place. Little comes from immediate relief if we continually find ourselves back under stress. Supposedly we make better decisions once our mind begins to clear. Still early days for me. My problem is I am yet to make it a lifestyle like I have done with no more junk and process foods. In fact ... I'm off to try another 15 minute session.

Hope this finds you feeling a little better. Best thing I did was change doctors - but even better than that, I see them way less since changing my ways. The less I see any of them, the better I am for it.

[Ponder]

THE AWAKENING – Quantum Mechanics of the Human Brain & Consciousness:

This is NOT a light watch - Quite intense to some degree unless you have watched countless hours on the subject and into things like quantum physics/reality and all that kind of thing. Contrary to the Title this is not a new age spin on consciousness as a previous presentation called the The Awakening. This one is quite rigid in science and whilst it alludes to a non judgmental approach I felt there was a lot or resistance to concepts other than it's own.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2baCg8SHGM

I hope you still about Jesse. Have you seen this one yet? IMO - there is a strong science agenda to this with a lot of resistance to philosophical thinking - edit →(despite the similarities from which it reflects) and I would assume bias to any form of spiritual pondering. Edit → To put that into context I draw upon the following quote → “For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.”― Carl Sagan (http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/10538.Carl_Sagan) (Of course I no doubt have my own bias [As I actually see some benefit in the power of belief YET I see the sense in which Carl presents] - BUT always keep an open door - as in - open to change!) I gleaned quite a bit from this vid. I actually did a refresher on quantum physics via another video (BBC) before hitting this one.
Albert Einstein The Secrets of Quantum Physics BBC Science Full Documentary (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voUi8RtmVRw)

That's enough mental masturbation for now ;)
__________________________________________________ ________________________________________________


I found what looks like a decent free PDF on Will Power: (actually here is a quick vid (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gR1Kr_wRSKc)on 3 of the [supposedly] Must Reads on Will Power. I'm glad to say the PDF I have link is considered one for the most practicle - Download it while it's still available ; )

THE WILLPOWER INSTINCT: (http://72.38.146.125/jim/stopsmoking/resources/the_willpower_instinct_how_self_control_works_why_ .pdf)
Not sure how long that one will be up. Going to save it then export the text onto my phone's read aloud app like I do with pretty much everything else and take it on a few walks. When not in the mood for just being that is.

ONE - I Will, I Won’t, I Want: What Willpower Is, and Why It Matters


TWO - The Willpower Instinct: Your Body Was Born to Resist Cheesecake


THREE - Too Tired to Resist: Why Self-Control Is Like a Muscle


FOUR - License to Sin: Why Being Good Gives Us Permission to Be Bad


FIVE - The Brain’s Big Lie: Why We Mistake Wanting for Happiness


SIX - What the Hell: How Feeling Bad Leads to Giving In


SEVEN - Putting the Future on Sale: The Economics of Instant Gratification


EIGHT - Infected! Why Willpower Is Contagious


NINE - Don’t Read This Chapter: The Limits of “I Won’t” Power


TEN - Final Thoughts
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ______

Here's the irony ... today I ate like a pig!!! I've put on a little weight but have needed a break. I may or may not go into that later on. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Night night. ;)

[Ponder]

It would not be fair to hold out on the following and leave all the science professors to steal the show. :)

Just bought this one written by Allen Watts. I think you might of dropped his name before Jesse? Not sure:

I just found it available online after shelling at some $$$ - DOH!!! Not matter, is good to have in my Google Collection as well. It seems to be rather popular, however I don't always rate that as a good thing.

The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are (https://www.amazon.com/Book-Taboo-Against-Knowing-Who/dp/0679723005) ← Amazon link with reviews

Free PDF (http://www.menantol.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/AlanWatts_TheBook.pdf)(for now) doh! and double doh! I only found it after making my purchase.

Description as from Amazon.com:

In The Book, Alan Watts provides us with a much-needed answer to the problem of personal identity, distilling and adapting the Hindu philosophy of Vedanta.

At the root of human conflict is our fundamental misunderstanding of who we are. The illusion that we are isolated beings, unconnected to the rest of the universe, has led us to view the “outside” world with hostility, and has fueled our misuse of technology and our violent and hostile subjugation of the natural world. To help us understand that the self is in fact the root and ground of the universe, Watts has crafted a revelatory primer on what it means to be human—and a mind-opening manual of initiation into the central mystery of existence.

I have room for one more book - but I search for that tomorrow. Kicking myself I missed the above PDF.

Now I go to bed!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSsDYk0lLi0