Anxiety is coming back

[J. Ans]

Hi, even though I'm taking medications, I feel like my generalized anxiety is coming back. I left a job a month ago, so the transition is making me worry and ruminate. But, I'm planning and applying to jobs all the time, so I'm constructively doing something to get myself employed again. I also have a loved one who is not exactly the healthiest at dealing with his own stress, and I'm around him a lot, and his unhealthiness is affecting me. I know that I need to spend less time with him and make more of my own friends and get out more. It's just easier said than done. I want to go to talk therapy again, but I feel I can't afford it. However, there are sliding scale agencies and I would qualify. I think it might be worth it. I just wanted to vent. I have learned many techniques for coping over the years. I might reread some of my many books and start implementing some positive affirmations to challenge the negative thoughts. I feel the pins and needles feeling in my arms of returning generalized anxiety, the tightening of the stomach, and it feels so eerily familiar, like an old friend is coming back whom I don't want to see. I increased my medication recently, so that should help too. Thank you for listening.

[gypsylee]

Hi J. Ans,

Well it sounds like you're dealing with it more constructively than I do haha. It's horrible when you feel it coming back and I tend to add about fifty fears on top of the "first fear" (Claire Weekes) and before I know it I'm a full-on mess again!

I also completely understand the situation where someone close to you is making things worse and then you have to walk the line between being isolated and being around people who add to your anxiety. It's actually very hard to find people who don't have unhealthy coping mechanisms and you have to be really good at setting boundaries.

Anyway, all the best,
Gypsy x

[J. Ans]

Hi Gypsy, Thanks so much for replying to my thread. It means so much to me. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. It really is difficult to walk that line, set boundaries, schedule more away time from that person, etc.
P.S. I have never heard of Claire Weeks. Thanks for introducing me to her! I always like hearing new tips or help or methods.
P.P.S. I really do need to call that sliding scale therapist, and stop just talking about it. It's worth the money when someone is going through a bad time.
All the best to you, too.
J

[Boo Bass]

Hi JA

As a reader of a few self-help books including the excellent Claire Weekes, being around anxious people when you're anxious yourself is generally not recommended. It helps to be among "normal" people as much as possible. Hope. you manage to achieve a good balance.

BB

[Kirk]

Job hunting can be stressful, so I hope you get a new position shortly.

[gypsylee]

Hi Gypsy, Thanks so much for replying to my thread. It means so much to me. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. It really is difficult to walk that line, set boundaries, schedule more away time from that person, etc.
P.S. I have never heard of Claire Weeks. Thanks for introducing me to her! I always like hearing new tips or help or methods.
P.P.S. I really do need to call that sliding scale therapist, and stop just talking about it. It's worth the money when someone is going through a bad time.
All the best to you, too.
J

You're welcome :)

Claire Weekes looks and sounds old-fashioned, which put me off at first, but she's one of the best when it comes to anxiety I think. She really simplifies it, to the point where she treats it much like any physical illness, which I find really helpful because it makes me feel like I'm going crazy (which then scares me even more). I wish I'd known about her 20 years ago seriously but only discovered her last year!

The other thing my psych recommended is a book called The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris. It's based on accepting how you feel rather than fighting it, which is very much in line with what Claire Weekes was about. I've only read a few chapters but it's already helped me. One of the best things I've ever heard with regard to all this is that humans are like any other animal and have evolved to SURVIVE rather than be happy. Our culture is always telling us we should be happy and feel good but really, anxiety makes more sense because physically humans are pretty pathetic and in prehistoric times we would be absolutely demolished by bigger animals if we weren't very alert. Obviously now we are safe from sabre-tooth tigers but our brains haven't really caught up. It could even be argued that those of us with anxiety disorders are more "fit" than those without, in terms of survival of the fittest, or descended from the "fittest". So it's actually our "feel-good" culture that's out of line not our bodies/minds and it's completely normal to get anxious. It just becomes a problem when it hangs around for no reason and gets debilitating.

Anyway, definitely check out Claire Weekes. She is on YouTube and there's a free link somewhere but I bought a couple of her audiobooks on iTunes. The Happiness Trap I got on iBooks.

[J. Ans]

Thank you, BB. I will try to achieve more of a good balance being around this anxious individual because he is a loved one. Eventually I will probably realize that I need to separate. But for the time being, unfortunately, I also just left a job. So, instead, I need to balance by separating myself in small to moderate time periods away from this anxious person, especially when they are at their most anxious. Like go to a coffeehouse with my laptop, go do a hobby, go for a small hike, visit a friend (if they don't mind the short notice visit). But balance is so important. Thank you again, BB.






Hi JA

As a reader of a few self-help books including the excellent Claire Weekes, being around anxious people when you're anxious yourself is generally not recommended. It helps to be among "normal" people as much as possible. Hope. you manage to achieve a good balance.

BB

[J. Ans]

Thank you Kirk. I used to think I was cool as a cucumber with job hunting situations. I could be "cool" with it, maybe because I used to have more money in savings, maybe because I was younger then, there was a better job economy, maybe I wasn't living with other stressors like an anxious individual. But, job hunting seems to be more stressful now. There are less opportunities. Maybe I'm not as "resilient" as I was. I know that our bodies change as we get older. Thank you for reminding me to be extra special nurturing to myself during this job hunting time. -J

[J. Ans]

Thank you Gypsy. I'm going to check out both of these authors. And I like thinking that we may be the "fittest" or at least descended from the fittest in terms of survival. Our fight or flight response did derive from something. It's good to see the anxiety at least as helpful (at least in small amounts, anyway). I feel better already receiving nice words from the people here on this board. I can only hope someday to return the favor, by helping out others who may be experiencing a bad time of anxiety. -J

[Kirk]

You will eventually get a job. The key is persistence and to never give up as in today's job marketplace it
can take longer to get a job. I think we all worry when we are looking for a job, so I would not be to hard on
yourself for being concerned as we all would be.

[J. Ans]

Thank you for the encouragement. and for reminding me to have patience and keep being persistent. not getting a certain job does not mean that i wasn't a good candidate. it might mean that there are just too many people applying for that one position. i will have hope. in the meantime, i will take "fill in" positions and temp at jobs that i might not like, or might not be my "dream job" but will pay the bills. and i will keep being persistent on finding a good job that i don't mind doing or that I like, that makes a decent living pay. thank you again. :)

[Alex3372]

Did the therapist prescribe you medication?? what kind of?? Talk therapy is smth worth doing! helped me a lot! There some really inexpensive options.

[J. Ans]

No, I see a psychiatrist who prescribes the medications. I see them about every 3 or 4 months, depending on how I am feeling. I found a sliding scale fee for talk therapy. I booked an appt for next week. I hope it is worth doing this time, because I cannot afford the extra expense. But, if talk therapy helps with other areas of life, then I guess that it is worth doing. I feel like I already know what I need to do, but I need help getting there. I need help to make up a structured plan (from an objective professional), step by step (small steps), to get to my goals. Along with reinforcing tips on how to stay social and take care of myself while doing all of this.

[fixmybrokenmind]

I absolutely recommend a therapist that charges based on pay if you need one. The good thing about being in a relationship with someone with their own problems is they will understand when you are doing poorly better than the normal person. The bad thing is you can feed off each others negative energy.
My girlfriend is extremely stable so she doesn't understand as much as I would like when I tell her I am anxious. She is there for me but could never relate.

[gypsylee]

Definitely do the talk therapy. My GP once said "talking changes the brain" (with regard to my psychological issues). I personally think he needs a psychiatrist himself because he seems manic to me LOL but he's pretty clever and better than the average GP in my opinion. I guess what he meant is that talking to someone (about how you feel) actually affects the brain like medication. It needs to be a "safe", non-judgemental person obviously though.. I often feel like I pay my psychiatrist just to listen to me haha.

[J. Ans]

I didn't think about it that way. That's a good positive way to look at it, at the good part of being near someone with issues. At least they can relate/understand. Thanks for reminding me to see a little good in everything.



I absolutely recommend a therapist that charges based on pay if you need one. The good thing about being in a relationship with someone with their own problems is they will understand when you are doing poorly better than the normal person. The bad thing is you can feed off each others negative energy.
My girlfriend is extremely stable so she doesn't understand as much as I would like when I tell her I am anxious. She is there for me but could never relate.

[J. Ans]

I will not only do the talk therapy, but I will work on the issues at home. When I used to go to talk therapy 20 years ago, sometimes I would then go home and not work on it. I would busy my mind so I could not process what I talked about with the therapist. i.e. When I got home from work, I would keep the TV on constantly, even fall asleep with it on, so I would block out the issues. Then I would go back to the therapist the next week and do it all over again. Luckily I didn't do this for very long. I learned to do my "homework" after therapy sessions, and to work on and practice coping methods of what I've learned in therapy. And yes it is also just a great place to have an objective person listen.

[Alex3372]

Ask your talk therapist whether he performs professional orientation diagnosis. It might be smth what you need. I had counselins year ago and paid less than 50bucks per session.

[gypsylee]

I will not only do the talk therapy, but I will work on the issues at home. When I used to go to talk therapy 20 years ago, sometimes I would then go home and not work on it. I would busy my mind so I could not process what I talked about with the therapist. i.e. When I got home from work, I would keep the TV on constantly, even fall asleep with it on, so I would block out the issues. Then I would go back to the therapist the next week and do it all over again. Luckily I didn't do this for very long. I learned to do my "homework" after therapy sessions, and to work on and practice coping methods of what I've learned in therapy. And yes it is also just a great place to have an objective person listen.

Yeah I have a real stubborn/lazy streak and it's only now in my 40s I've actually been doing the "work". The last session with my psych was pretty heavy going and he photocopied this page from a book that he thought would be helpful for me. In the old days I would've just been sitting there thinking "just write me the damn script" haha, but this time I stuck the page on my fridge and went back over it a few times.

I also find that talking to an objective person helps put things in perspective a lot. I have a pretty dysfunctional family which causes me quite a lot of anxiety, but when I talk about them to the psych he reassures me they aren't unusual. He tells me about other clients (not naming names of course) and it makes me feel better. A lot like reading people's stories on here :)

[J. Ans]

Thank you. I will ask. I am always interested in therapy/counseling methods and any new methods that talk therapists/counselors use. I find it fascinating, the different ways that people can heal, like some people with post traumatic stress disorder can do horse riding and that will help them heal, i think they call it equine therapy. The human mind is an interesting thing, how it can heal.

[J. Ans]

Yeah, I think that many other people may have anxiety or other issues/conditions, and they just mask them better, we don't even realize how dysfunctional some families may be. i guess a lot of people have dysfunction in their family, it makes me feel better to hear it, because I see these cookie cutter holiday movies & see people mailing perfect-family holiday cards, and I wonder, does anybody feel anxious around their family at the holidays? i think that a lot of people hide or drink and just mask things. i mean, I feel bad that other people are suffering, but it makes me feel better to know that i am not alone. that we are not alone. :)