I finally figured out where anxiety impacts my life. How do I recover from it?

[alexdakota]

Hello guys. I would like to share with you what has been going on with me these past few years.

I had been struggling with anxiety these past 3 years and it had impacted me in a lot of ways, some major others minor. But the issue here isn't something external like agoraphobia or anything similar. What I suffer from, is actually hyper-awareness. Meaning that I am very very noticeably aware of my bodily functions. During the day, the fact that a lot of things are constantly going on, make me forget about it to a certain degree. But at night it gets absolutely horrific.

I am becoming aware of every single background noise to the point where it is the only thing I can possibly hear and I tried my best to forget about it and drift off to sleep, but the issue is that instead of going unconscious, I'm coming back to my senses because my brain just refuses to get lost on its own thoughts and become unhooked from the noise and sleep.
Not only that, I am also becoming aware of my train of thoughts, and as the second I think about what I am thinking it breaks and with it, my pre-sleep stages again.
But does it end there? No. What has been keeping me up these past few weeks the most, was the fact that my dry nose will start to slightly whistle the moment I become relaxed and ready to fall asleep, since breathing during relaxation changes from normal breathing. And as my thoughts take me to sleep I hear the whistle and I instantly come back to my senses.
The thing that absolutely pin-pointed that it is anxiety's fault for all which is happening, was that tonight I had my arm touching the wood of the bed. As I was almost ready to fall asleep it became relaxed and dragged from the wood above my head, down to the mattress producing a very slight dragging sound. I instantly became aware of it and it again brought me back to my senses. That's where I understood that, before these 3 years, I wasn't like that, I would never become aware of these things and just fall asleep in like 5 minutes, not have this constant battle of trying to be unaware of what my body does and be completely unable to forget about what it's doing and what sounds it produces. So there is nothing wrong with my body, it is that monster of anxiety that makes me sleep literally 0 hours over many days of period.

So my question now is, how do I go back to where I couldn't understand what was going on during relaxation, and to the state where I was only a <camera> meaning I wasn't aware of my physical or mental form at an enormous degree and I wasn't becoming too aware of any noise or what is happening?

[gypsylee]

Hi Alex :)

I'm pretty sure I know what you're going through (more or less). I've been through sooooo many different things with anxiety.. All sorts of "mind games" with myself and they can be really really scary. The short answer to your question "how do I go back.." is that you wait. You never really "go back" though; you just go through phases basically.

This relates to what I've been saying in a few different threads - that the conscious mind is not as important/clever as it likes to think it is. Authors like Eckhart Tolle would call it the "egoic mind". But really it's just the tip of the iceberg and there is so much going on subconsciously..

I have to cut this short sorry because my mother/daughter are at me but yes, you basically just let it take its course :) These things do go away, even though you think you'll be stuck with them forever.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[alexdakota]

Hi Alex :)

I'm pretty sure I know what you're going through (more or less). I've been through sooooo many different things with anxiety.. All sorts of "mind games" with myself and they can be really really scary. The short answer to your question "how do I go back.." is that you wait. You never really "go back" though; you just go through phases basically.

This relates to what I've been saying in a few different threads - that the conscious mind is not as important/clever as it likes to think it is. Authors like Eckhart Tolle would call it the "egoic mind". But really it's just the tip of the iceberg and there is so much going on subconsciously..

I have to cut this short sorry because my mother/daughter are at me but yes, you basically just let it take its course :) These things do go away, even though you think you'll be stuck with them forever.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

Thank you very much for posting a helpful answer! But just like you said, if this phase finally leaves, something else will come up and it just pushes me to a different path of hell, nothing goes away for ever... All the phases I mentioned above come and go but never fully leave, just taking their course!
But does that mean I will never be like I was before? Where I had no idea that these things even existed and I was falling asleep so easily?
Because today, it took me more than 4 hours to finally have my brain shut down and forget about my dry nose whistling and I was so mentally and physically tired until doing so!

Would love to hear back again from you,
Alex

[Anne1221]

Alex, I think you really need to see an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor. (they are called ENT's). I am sure they could tell you what is causing the noise and I would bet they could do something about it.

[alexdakota]

Alex, I think you really need to see an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor. (they are called ENT's). I am sure they could tell you what is causing the noise and I would bet they could do something about it.

Ok, if you say so I will go ahead and arrange an appointment.. Thank you very much for your concern! I will tell you the outcome! :)

[gypsylee]

Thank you very much for posting a helpful answer! But just like you said, if this phase finally leaves, something else will come up and it just pushes me to a different path of hell, nothing goes away for ever... All the phases I mentioned above come and go but never fully leave, just taking their course!
But does that mean I will never be like I was before? Where I had no idea that these things even existed and I was falling asleep so easily?
Because today, it took me more than 4 hours to finally have my brain shut down and forget about my dry nose whistling and I was so mentally and physically tired until doing so!

Would love to hear back again from you,
Alex

I guess if I had to answer yes or no, I would say no (you will never be like you were before). BUT that doesn't mean you'll always have such a hard time. I had a bit of trouble sleeping last night but the night before that no trouble at all. Why? It's a mystery! There's always so much going on in our minds and bodies that we are unaware of you see.

This brings me to something I think is not given half the attention it deserves and that's female hormonal changes. I'm not sure if you're male or female though because Alex could be either! I don't know about male hormones but as a 43yo female I can tell you that they play a huge role in all this and it's not acknowledged by the medical profession nearly enough. Sorry if you're male and I'm raving about something irrelevant to you (although I'm sure men have hormonal changes too).

But the main point I'm trying to make is that once you let go of the idea that you can control things like falling asleep, you actually relax more (and therefore fall asleep easier). It's a bit of a paradox and something that's taken me a long time to work out. I still get in a huge state sometimes if I can't sleep because it's sooo frustrating. But I don't go straight for the alcohol or benzos like I used to.

[Anne1221]

The only thing is, if you need surgery, you have to be sure to get a really good surgeon. But in the meantime, you should try a nasal spray or antihistimine.

[alexdakota]

The only thing is, if you need surgery, you have to be sure to get a really good surgeon. But in the meantime, you should try a nasal spray or antihistimine.

Update: I've been to the doctor and just as I suspected it was nothing serious, and even he himself told that I have to get over the whistling and rest! The only thing he was able to find wrong is the inner structure of the nose being a little bend causing the walls to be really close thus producing a whistle when its time to fall asleep. So I pretty much need to see an anxiety therapist not a doctor because I pay way too much attention into the hearing and touching senses. :(

[jones27]

Alex don't get too hung up on being who you were before. I did that for about the past 3 years. I was always trying to get to the old me. Then one day I made the realization that i saw my old self through rose colored glasses and that it was in fact the old me that got me into all my anxiety problems in the first place.

Just try to improve who you are now and become a better person. The brain tricks us into thinking the past was so great. The good parts of your old self will surface again when you feel better.

[BlessedBackyard]

I'm glad it isn't anything serious with your nose. I can't say I understand the depth of your awareness of sounds, so my suggestions are shots in the dark...

Have you tried sleeping to instrumental music or other relaxing sounds? I get hyper-aware of physical symptoms, making me too uncomfortable to sleep. Focusing on the music keeps me distracted enough to sleep without going the other extreme of making my mind too active.

How do you prepare for bed? I recently listened to a talk about the many ways we disturb our sleep, particularly with lights. Many of our technologies make our brains think it's still daytime. If the mind isn't expecting to sleep, it could stay hyper-aware. Some of the suggestions, to be implemented at least an hour before bed: Enable nightshade or blue shade on smartphone and ereaders. Avoid technologies (TVs, non-smartphones) that don't have this ability. Put amber-colored lightbulbs in lamps. Turn off the overhead lights and turn on the amber lights. Alternatively, there are amber-colored glasses that block the blue light. Keep your bedroom dark, using blackout curtains if there are streetlights nearby. If there are electronics with LED lights in your bedroom, cover the lights with duct tape or something.


Alex don't get too hung up on being who you were before. I did that for about the past 3 years. I was always trying to get to the old me. Then one day I made the realization that i saw my old self through rose colored glasses and that it was in fact the old me that got me into all my anxiety problems in the first place.

Just try to improve who you are now and become a better person. The brain tricks us into thinking the past was so great. The good parts of your old self will surface again when you feel better.

I needed this! My husband and I make comments like "It's good to see the old you again" or "I feel like my old self" during good days, and I feel like I'm constantly reaching for that "old self" high. But you're right. My old self did some things and believed some things that got me to this point with anxiety. We're constantly growing, learning, and changing. The point is to become better than the old self. Like a friend said recently, "If you met yourself from 5 (or 10 or whatever) years ago and you want to punch that person in the face, you've done something right. It means you've grown."