anxiety/relationships

[tk]

Hello-

I am 29 and have been with a wonderful guy for three years. Last month at my request, we discussed marriage and that we would like to get married within the year. I felt good, euphoric even, then that evening I started experiencing the worst anxiety I have ever felt in my life. I was feeling it in my limbs, my stomach and chest. The next day, it continued. It got so that I was questioning my feelings for him and questioning whether I loved him. I know that is not true but then, everytime I started to feel the anxiety, I felt like I was having trouble accessing my feelings for him. Little things he did that I always found cute started to annoy me. It was so disturbing that I got really depressed and would cry all day. This happened for about a month. I have had a few days where I felt like my feelings came back but then the anxiety would set in again and it got harder and harder to drag myself out of it. I have since been prescribed Celexa for the anxiety and depression but my anxiety now seems to have gotten worse and my feelings are not coming back.

A little background, I have been in therapy for a year. Before, my anxiety issues manifested themselves as jealousy in that I was really paranoid that he was thinking about other women and exes all the time and that he would eventually leave me. When he told me he wanted to marry me, the jealousy issues vanished but I was left with this emptiness. I think I had always told myself the relationship wouldn't work even though everything pointed to the contrary. It seems like now my psyche has decided without me that the relationship won't work and is making me grieve/prepare for the end of it with the anxiety and depression and loss of feeling. I want to fight for this relationship as I know that I love him and that he has made me happy in many ways. He supports me, knows I am crazy sometimes and still loves me despite that.

I have seen a few forum posts out there where people have had similar reactions to marriage prospects etc and I am just wondering if anyone has had anything similar happen and actually RESOLVE it. I very much want to do everything I can to salvage this and make it really great for both of us but these feelings are very distracting and disturbing to me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I have suffered from anxiety before this relationship but nothing like this.

[brittypixi]

im sorry that you are going through this. unfortunately im going through the same thing, so i dont really have any advice for you :/. but i just wanted to let u know that you arent the only one going through this and feel free to message me about any of this. right now i am seeing a therapist to try and deal with these feelings.

[anna_0range]

the best thing to do in this situation is to talk to him about it. Tell him how your feeling and why you think you feel that way. Even tell him about the thinking that HEs always thinking about other girls and ex's in the past.

He loves you and understands.

If you talk about this together you can get through it together. After all...isnt that what marriage is all about.

It will deffinatly strengthen your relationship.

[cameron]

Boy can I relate. I know exaclty what TK was talking about. It feels sometimes like anxiety plans to take everything in my life that makes me happy and turn it into worry and dullness. We all have to fight hard to not let this happen. We all deserve to be loved and be happy. Lets not let something as silly as anxiety get in our way. Good luck and keep fighting!

[jennismortal]

Relationship anxiety is not much different than other types of anxiety. So, if you want to better manage your relationship anxieties, it is important to start by learning as much as you can about typical ways for managing anxiety and depression. There are many books and information that will educate you on how to deal with fear and anxiety, and those tips can be applied to all types of fear and anxieties.

[Lyndsey]

It may be diffcult but talk to your partner.
I have acute anxiety disorder my partner purposed to me about a month ago, I felt all my worries just drain away they are back the next day.
He has been really supportive, I did try and push him away at first because he has bi polar so he might find it hard to deal with.
I did shout at me for a bit when i told him to go live with his mum for a few days.
Communcation is key, Just express that its not them you still love them you just find it a little hard to cope at the moment.
Believe me or not but I found that thinking about nice things at the wedding and planning that took my mind off it.
every time i felt a panic attack coming on I would flash postive thoughts in my mind and stomach breath
I hope this helps
It might not.

[pianoman55]

I can safely say I know exactly what you mean. For me, it's been a problem with all of my relationships. I'm in a relationship with a girl that I am absolutely head over heels for. When my anxiety/depression is at its worst, the relationship seems futile and I can't find the feeling. Of course, in my true anxious fashion, I then worry about it tirelessly. I've found that I only worry about it when I'm not with her. When she and I are together, things just click. The key for me was to stop looking for the feelings and then worrying that they weren't there. I know, this is easier said than done. If you start worrying about the feelings when the other person is there, just distract yourself as you would do with any other anxiety problem. Eventually, if you distract yourself, you will get surges of emotion from deep within. That's how it works for me anyways!

I hope this helps!

[ghostgirl929]

I also have acute anxiey disorder and it is mostly with my relationship, i have abandonement issues since childhood and have been in this relationship for 2 years now, my relationship is complicated and started out with a lot of trust issues on both parts, I am Gay and she still was not over her 20 yr relationship with her Ex emotionally, she wonders about my potential to make a good living and that has fueled my anxiety as well.

Lately my anxiety has been up the wall, I am terrified when Im not with her always thinking she is contacting her Ex, she is somewhat still in contact with her Ex as they have raised a Family together.

When I am with her I find myself reading into her actions, sometimes I feel she doesnt really want to be with me, that she settled for second best and I feel that if one day she meets someone with more potential than myself and who doesnt suffer from Anxiety problems she will leave me.

She swears she loves me but really doesnt understand my feelings or my anxiety and depression, she suffers also from Anxiety but cannot grasp my feelings and sometimes gets angry at me because she says I make them happen.

I dont want to feel this way, I feel the only time I am safe is when Im with her but then I feel like Im suffocating her.

I am on Lexapro and Ativan but I really dont see a difference in my thoughts. I feel for all of you , I know what it is like, it is difficult to do anything and the anxiety turns into fear which turns into depression and all I want to do is cry all the time...will life ever get better?

[maryrose999]

I can safely say I know exactly what you mean. For me, it's been a problem with all of my relationships. I'm in a relationship with a girl that I am absolutely head over heels for. When my anxiety/depression is at its worst, the relationship seems futile and I can't find the feeling. Of course, in my true anxious fashion, I then worry about it tirelessly. I've found that I only worry about it when I'm not with her. When she and I are together, things just click. The key for me was to stop looking for the feelings and then worrying that they weren't there. I know, this is easier said than done. If you start worrying about the feelings when the other person is there, just distract yourself as you would do with any other anxiety problem. Eventually, if you distract yourself, you will get surges of emotion from deep within. That's how it works for me anyways!

I hope this helps!

I totally agree with the above post. I've noticed that in general, when I'm with this guy that I'm dating I don't have any concerns and I never feel like I'm questioning how he feels about me or anything, but as soon as I'm not with him my insecurities and anxieties start coming back. I guess its just that fear of the unknown thing rearing its ugly head, but I'm not entirely sure how to completely get rid of that fear. Its a hard one to overcome. So what I've been trying to do is just ignore those thoughts. Its not easy at all, but I think its been helping a little at least. I'm hoping that I'm getting a little bit better at it! Good luck to you all! :)

[Namrata]

Relationships are very sensitive and active enough to put you in stress and depression but, we need to be very strong to handle all these as life is worth living so, why just waste it by simply getting negative as it will cause a big damage to your mind and leads to many sleeping disorders. Just try to focus more on making things right instead of thinking too much and taking stress of it.

Thanks