Panic!

[KyleK87]

I just stumbled across this site and I'm not really sure how to do anything so I'll just rant. I Started living in group homes and foster homes slash open custody when I was 13 started smoking cigs and marijuana at about 14-15 then started drinking heavily from about 18-25. started slowing down but still every other day at this point. got my first panic attack at about 20 maybe 21. for 2 hours felt like I was going to have a heart attack and die if I stopped moving so went into panic mode I guess and kept with it. It was from the weed I guess. when I was about 21 my friend who has since passed RIP gave me a clonazepam which I was reluctant to take at first. My mental history is astounding talking bout seeing a psychiatrist at the age of 5 and being medicated for all sorts of things. Anyways the Clonazepam did what it was supposed to and I started getting them off her as she barely took them. only when she needed to. 2 years later I got a perscription saving me having to get them off her or buying them on the street. Im 29 now and I am a completely different person. I panic every single day all day it seems and it's not getting better. I take 1.5 mg of clonazepam 3 times daily now because my tolerance just kept building up but I can easily take 6 and be content. I also abuse lorazepam as they will not prescribe me both. I know I need to make a change but I dunno how or where to begin. any help would be greatly appreciated. I don't even know if this is grammatically correct or if I even typed in all the information I needed. I cannot even sit still anymore. being still or moving around or doing anything really makes me severley uncomfortable like I'm not in my own skin and that if I don't pace I will die. I am overwhelmed by everything as well as constantly feel a tightness in my chest. :( I am 9 days sober from alcohol today and it's a real bitch after using it as an escape for so many years. I just thought I'd reach out to get some help. having panic attacks that make me feel like I'm going to die every second of the day is unmanageable. I need serious help as I've tried to come off the benzos unsuccessfully everytime. any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time.

Kyle

[LastAcorn99]

I’m so sorry about your struggles, Kyle. Given what you’ve shared, I would strongly suggest that you get professional guidance as soon as you can. I’ll be praying for you. Stay strong, okay?

[gypsylee]

Hey Kyle and welcome,

Well done being sober for 9 days!

I can't write much atm because I am stuck in a motel room with my mother who is irritating the hell out of me..

Hope you find some support here :)
Gypsy x

[Anne1221]

I found that a combination of an antidepressant along with a benzo has been very helpful. Get a therapist or someone to help you with coming off the things you are addicted to. I read this someplace, "Alcohol takes and takes and gives nothing back." So true!

[Anne1221]

Gypsy, hang in there!

[gypsylee]

Gypsy, hang in there!

Thanks Anne :) Night 2 with mum and then I'm on my own!

Kyle - Yeah, one of the worst things for anxiety/depression in the long run is alcohol. I still get pretty bad anxiety but when I was drinking my heart rate would be like 140bpm. I'd wake up with the worst anxiety imaginable.

[Boo Bass]

Benzos are hard to get off but it can be done. Acupuncture helped me get off a xsnax addiction. you need medical support to do it. See a doc as s9on as possible. Ideally you can replace the benzos with an antidepressants. Work on self help methods for panic attacks, it can be o ercome and starts with breathing exercises

You can do it

BB

[gypsylee]

Benzos are hard to get off but it can be done. Acupuncture helped me get off a xsnax addiction. you need medical support to do it. See a doc as s9on as possible. Ideally you can replace the benzos with an antidepressants. Work on self help methods for panic attacks, it can be o ercome and starts with breathing exercises

You can do it

BB

I came off Valium after decades cold turkey and the worst that happened was increased anxiety/insomnia. Same with Mogadon (plus Oxycodone). It really depends on the individual. I googled benzo withdrawal and the list of symptoms included things like "homocidal behaviour" lol. That stressed me out way more than the actual symptoms! I saw my psych a week after stopping the Valium and he said well if nothing major has happened by now you should be fine and I ripped the remaining scripts up.

So I've found benzo withdrawal pretty uncomfortable but never had anything that bad happen. The one thing you do need is a safe, quiet environment ie. one without any "bad influences" drinking, taking drugs or whatever. I was on my own both times but if you have a good (clean!) support person that's great. Otherwise there's always Emergency at the hospital or even the ambulance.

Breathing exercises are very good because they help the nervous system get back into balance and your brain chemistry go back to normal. I wish I'd known more about this years ago.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[KyleK87]

Thanks so much everyone. My doctor said he wants me to try effexor? I dunno if that along with the clonazepam will help get me off it? Then maybe just use lorazepam if needed? I just recently stopped taking tecta naproxen and some sulphsa something or other for a diagnosis of Ankylosing spondylitis and it's helped a lot. Got my first got my first night sleep last night :) still tryna deal just need time patience and help I guess? I hope this all ends well...

[KyleK87]

I also think it's like a mind over matter type thing too. I tried to cut the clonazepam down myself but I couldn't sleep all I could think about was the half pill i went down :/ I really appreciate everyone's replies...I'm not that good at talking about stuff like this. I just needed somewhere to turn to. Living day by day for now one thing at a time.

[KyleK87]

Oh side note I have recently checked out this stuff called natural calm? I've been looking into magnesium as well as passionflower and valerian root I'm not sure if anyone has any insight into this?

[gypsylee]

I also think it's like a mind over matter type thing too. I tried to cut the clonazepam down myself but I couldn't sleep all I could think about was the half pill i went down :/ I really appreciate everyone's replies...I'm not that good at talking about stuff like this. I just needed somewhere to turn to. Living day by day for now one thing at a time.

It's a "mind over matter" thing big time. Like I said, when I was coming off the Valium I googled benzo withdrawal and the list of symptoms sent me into an absolute panic! I wasn't able to get any though (my scripts were strictly dated and I was all out) so I had to just plough on. The only support I had was my friend in Europe - who I've been emailing for 10 years and can say anything to, but nobody in person. The thing that got me through was (as I said) a clean, safe environment. Definitely "one day at a time" stuff but I've had to live half my life that way, probably more like 3/4 of my life. Just go easy on youself and know there's support here.

:)

[KyleK87]

It's a "mind over matter" thing big time. Like I said, when I was coming off the Valium I googled benzo withdrawal and the list of symptoms sent me into an absolute panic! I wasn't able to get any though (my scripts were strictly dated and I was all out) so I had to just plough on. The only support I had was my friend in Europe - who I've been emailing for 10 years and can say anything to, but nobody in person. The thing that got me through was (as I said) a clean, safe environment. Definitely "one day at a time" stuff but I've had to live half my life that way, probably more like 3/4 of my life. Just go easy on youself and know there's support here.

:)

Thanks so much. I can't seem to sit still even I panic I immediately have to start moving or it feels like I'm going to die. My first thought is run take lorazepam and drink :(

[gypsylee]

Thanks so much. I can't seem to sit still even I panic I immediately have to start moving or it feels like I'm going to die. My first thought is run take lorazepam and drink :(

Aww I can relate to that. Try to keep in mind that you're detoxing and it's completely normal to be very agitated. When I'm feeling like that I just keep reminding myself that my brain chemistry is all out of whack but it WILL get better. I've come off 80mg/day of Oxycodone AND about 10mg of Mogadon, cold turkey. My anxiety was through the roof and I didn't have a wink of sleep for a week but one day I just fell asleep (only for an hour or two) and I remember waking up and could actually feel my natural "feel good" chemicals starting to kick in and it was an awesome feeling.

The times I've detoxed from alcohol (apart from my episodes of falling off the wagon) have been in hospital because I had acute Pancreatitis. So it wasn't really a proper detox but I was in so much pain I was on morphine and that level of physical pain is intense so the alcohol withdrawal was kind of irrelevant. But I remember when I went in my heart rate was around 140bpm and after a week or so of not drinking it was about 80bpm. So you can see how much worse alcohol (in large amounts) makes anxiety! It does get better though and that's what you have to keep telling yourself. The body is always working to heal itself.. We just have to "get out of the way" and let it do its thing.

[KyleK87]

Aww I can relate to that. Try to keep in mind that you're detoxing and it's completely normal to be very agitated. When I'm feeling like that I just keep reminding myself that my brain chemistry is all out of whack but it WILL get better. I've come off 80mg/day of Oxycodone AND about 10mg of Mogadon, cold turkey. My anxiety was through the roof and I didn't have a wink of sleep for a week but one day I just fell asleep (only for an hour or two) and I remember waking up and could actually feel my natural "feel good" chemicals starting to kick in and it was an awesome feeling.

The times I've detoxed from alcohol (apart from my episodes of falling off the wagon) have been in hospital because I had acute Pancreatitis. So it wasn't really a proper detox but I was in so much pain I was on morphine and that level of physical pain is intense so the alcohol withdrawal was kind of irrelevant. But I remember when I went in my heart rate was around 140bpm and after a week or so of not drinking it was about 80bpm. So you can see how much worse alcohol (in large amounts) makes anxiety! It does get better though and that's what you have to keep telling yourself. The body is always working to heal itself.. We just have to "get out of the way" and let it do its thing.

Wow. That sounds like you've accomplished slash been through a lot :( I'm glad you're better though. I've stopped taking the lorazepam and taking my normal doses of clonazepam nothing else besides drinking Sleepy time tea with Valerian Root in it and it seems to help somewhat. I'm just trying to replace the drinking alcohol I guess. I don't think I can quit clonazepam cold turkey. I'm still edgy and get right chest even when I'm on it like my body is craving more.